Wonkette's babyFun news for chart nerds! Gallup has once again released its annual poll illustrating how much Americans hate abortion by saying it should be legal in all or certain cases. That’s right, “pro-choicers” are at a “record low” of only 41 percent of respondents who want to kill children. Except for the 77 percent of respondents who think abortion should be legal! Fuck man, math is hard.

Shine on you crazy diamonds!


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  • Barb

    Who is the father of the Wonkette baby?

    • nounverb911


    • Hitler!

    • *packing bag*

    • prommie

      Don't look at me, I got fixed years ago.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Daddy K Smith, whomever he may have been.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      From the pic, I would guess Science Officer Ash of the Nostromo.

      • bagofmice

        Nah, looks more like someone from the USG Ishimura.

    • CountryClubJihadi

      Arnold Schwarzenegger?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Probably some random homeless guy with PTSD.

    • Geminisunmars

      Jean-Jacques Rousseau?

    • chicken_thief

      I thought Babs Bush dropped the jar….

    • Terry

      Frankenstein, from looks of the poor thing.

    • tessiee


    • An_Outhouse

      The Island of Misfit Toys Resident Retard?

    • Steverino247

      You are NOT the father!

    • MissTaken

      Darth Vader?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Wasn't the Wonkette baby raised by wolves? Of course, that doesn't address your question.

    • JustPixelz

      Wonkette baby has two mommies: Rebecca and Kirsten.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq


    • redarmyzombie

      All of them, Katie.

  • V572 Is this him?

    "Pro-Life" is such a bullshit term. Why do all the media which refuse to call waterboarding "torture" sign on to this euphemism for reproductive totalitarianism?

    Or if that's too many syllables, "Anti-Choice." Or "Anti-Women." Or "Anti-Freedom."

    • Chichikovovich

      I prefer "Forced Birth" myself.

    • I have a friend who insists on using pejorative terms for both sides of any contentious political debate, so abortion becomes a debate between pro-death and pro-slavery camps.

      • tessiee

        You gotta like a person that cynical.

      • bagofmice

        Pro-rapist? Without abortion, rapist genes will spread wide and far.

    • Boojum

      I like "Fucking Fuck", but it hasn't caught on.

    • freakishlywrong

      Really, who isn't "Pro Life"?

      • tessiee

        I agree — but also, who isn't "pro choice"?
        Ask one of the forced birthers if they think the government should also tell you when you HAVE TO have an abortion — you know, like they do in those commie countries like China — and they'd be horrified, and rightly so. Also, the expression on their face will have enough surprise in it that it's clear that such an idea has never before occurred to them. They don't want the government forcing them to do anything *they* don't want to do, either.

        • Yes, but they love having it force OTHER people to do what they don't want to.

      • OneDollarJuana

        A lot of people seem to like "ProActiv".

    • tessiee

      'the media which refuse to call waterboarding "torture""

      In one of those many things that I picked up somewhere, and don't remember where, somebody's co-worker was anticipating a vacation to ?? Cancun or somewhere, "Nice. Lie on the beach, get some sun, maybe try a little… *mimes as if surfing* waterboarding while you're there, huh?"

    • An_Outhouse

      Anti-PeePee in the HooHa

    • Not the smoothest haiku around but I like it

    • finallyhappy

      It is bullshit because these liars don't care about your baby once it is born- especially if you are minority, poor or the baby has health problems. Now maybe if it is a white blond haired baby-you might get some help in putting it up for adoption(but not to gay people)

    • James Michael Curley

      Buckley in his usual, now dead, brazen pretense did an article in the late 70's about how clever the term was. It got the high ground of the discourse so that any opposition to those seeking to bar all abortions were 'anti-life'. Simplistic, yet logistically sound argument.

  • PuckStopsHere

    Are you in favor of not letting insurance companies deny you coverage due to a pre-existing condition? Yes.

    Are you in favor of permitting your children to remain on your health care plan until they are 26? Yes.

    Are you in favor of Obamacare? Hell, no! Get the gubbmits hands off my Medicare!

    • nounverb911

      Isn't being born a pre-existing condition?

      • Doctor: "We're all born dying, so I'm afraid the insurance company has decided this is a pre-existing condition."

    • tessiee

      "So what part are you *not* in favor of?"
      "The 'Obama' part."

  • It's not impossible to be "pro-life" but not give a rat's ass if someone else has an abortion.

    After all, I'm not gay¹ but I support gay marriage



    • Redgyal

      But it is seemingly impossible to understand that if you ban it for everyone, you cease to have that dichotomy.

      • tessiee

        Kang and Kodos: Abortions for all!
        Crowd: BOOOOO!
        Kang and Kodos: Very well, abortions for nobody!
        Crowd: BOOOOO!!
        Kang and Kodos: Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
        Crowd: YAAAYYY!!

        It was a very funny and clever bit of dialogue, but unusually for the Simpsons, it was a near miss — since the forced birthers would have booed the last sentence, too. They can't just make the choice that *they* want and leave it at that, they have to try to take the choice away from everyone else.

    • PsycWench

      Indeed. As many regulars may have heard many times before: I have a kid with Down syndrome and I knew it before he was born. I chose to have him. I WILL NOT force another woman to do what I chose to do. I have the hardest time getting people to understand that.

      • JustPixelz

        You give real meaning to "pro-choice".

      • Boojum

        You aren't a Real American.

  • This is good news for coat hanger manufacturers…in China.

    • nounverb911

      Some of Mitts best friends manufacture wire hangers in China.

      • Some of Mitts best friends manufacture are wire hangers in China.


      • boobookitteh

        I haven't seen a wire hanger in years. Weren't they all outlawed under the Crawford Act?

        • I get them regularly from my dry cleaner, who is from the best Korea.

          So I have to assume they're manufactured from lead.

          • boobookitteh

            Lead poisoning can cause miscarriage. So, bonus.

          • KotBR

            And gilded with mercury.

    • James Michael Curley

      Largest coat hanger manufacturer in the world used to be in Hackensack, NJ. Was a client. I blame Cristie Todd Whitman for the jobs being shipped off to china.

  • prommie

    Now you know that human babies are actually born way to early, on account of their huge skulls would kill the moms if they developed much longer. But thats why baby horses, for example, basically "hit the ground running," while human babies are fucking helpless, they really should be allowed to ripen for a few more months. So what I am saying is that humans are kinda like kangaroos, and even outside the body, babies are still in a gestational stage. Therefore, I am in favor of post-birth abortions, but only up to a point.

    • calliecallie

      Depends on the baby.

      • Twinklesnot

        Depends on the oldster, Pampers on the baby.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Maybe we should have the ladies evolve a pouch, like a marsupial.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        And a zipper.

      • They are called PURSES, dammit!

    • Terry

      Sort of like breast feeding a kid until he's 7 yrs old?

    • An_Outhouse

      As of today, they're blaming obesity on cesarian section deliveries.

      • tessiee

        In the babies or the mothers?
        Also, possible stupid question from a childfree person here, but I thought the point of caesarians in the first place was for babbies that were so big that they were having difficulty being born the regular way.

        • MosesInvests

          Well, that and breech deliveries (feet first-baby simply cannot come out of the vajayjay any way except head first).

        • The study I read today is that obese mothers tend to raise obese kids and there's a correlation with c-sections and obesity.

        • James Michael Curley

          "No man born of woman shall harm Macbeth."
          I have the notorious Aetna as a health insurance provider. They found it necessary to issue a 'policy information' letter a few years ago which stated they would not pay for liposuction as a procedure performed with c-sections. I can not believe somebody, mothers and doctors, actually considered this idea valid and medically safe.

    • So we can still abort Alan West, then.

    • Old joke here:
      Q: At what age does a fetus become viable in the Jewish religion?
      A: When he graduates from Medical School.

  • veritass

    Brought to you by the creators of Scott Walker Unemployment Math™.

    • nounverb911

      The Koch Brothers?

    • And the entire population of the State of North Carolina – Motto " We don' need no steenkin' polls!"

    • I seem to remember 'The Neckbeard" Douthat trotting out this very same "math" during the whole Komen Implosion. The commenters slaughtered his "argument", but he still has some jerb with NYT making insane money for writing insane things.

  • SorosBot

    Americans are unsure of what policy a misleading label refers to? My, how shocking!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Zillionaires' children who are largely free from the Death Tax would like to thank Frank Luntz at this point in time.

  • edgydrifter

    Abortion is always immoral and wrong… unless, you know, some boy in a hoodie tarnishes my precious angel. Let's be reasonable.

    • chicken_thief

      I thought "boy", when referring to those in hoodies, was to be in all CAPS.

  • Geez, I read the headline and thought "what did my kids do now???"

  • Oblios_Cap

    I like people whose well thought out philosophy aloows them to be both anti-abortion and pro-death penalty. Because, life is sacred!

    • Chichikovovich

      Yep. As they'll happily remind you, there's an inalienable right to life, just like it says there in the Declaration of Inderpendernce.

    • Not to mention pro-torture and pro-blowing people up because the government secretly decided they were guilty without trial or maybe they just happened to be that guy's next-door neighbors or children.

  • Baconzgood

    This is bad news for the coat hanger industry.

  • prommie

    So many polls wind up measuring what Wittgenstein called "nonsense." Which is just so odd to me. You cannot make sense of nonsense.

    • Blueb4sunrise


  • Jus_Wonderin

    Those charts have a pretty color scheme.

    • prommie

      Still not fapworthy.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        So true. Maybe more of a flesh tone would have been better.

      • But look at the bottom pair of curves in the second graph! They're having sex!

  • MissTaken

    Translation: I'm "pro-life" until life becomes inconvenient for me.

    • SheriffRoscoe

      Like farting in elevators. I'm totally against it! Unless, the car is empty, and I'm the one that needs to let one go.

    • JustPixelz

      Repubicans love life when it's in the womb, but after that child takes a breath they're all "you're on your own kid".

      • WhatTheHolyHeck

        Well, to be fair, fetuses haven't yet developed bootstraps.

  • Callyson

    It is really time for supporters of the pro – choice movement to start pounding away at the utter immorality of the so – called pro – lifers. From their lack of concern about the babies once they are actually born, to their willingness to support invasive government measures every step along the way of a woman's pregnancy, to the presence of bombers and terrorists in their midst, it is high fucking time they were called on their lack of humanity. Contrary to the impression that the mushy middle seems to have, the anti abortion crowd does *not* have the moral high ground…and it is high time to make that crystal clear…

    • Boojum

      I think we need to refuse to cede the high ground on abortion. The moral choice is not to have a child who is unwanted or for whom you cannot adequately provide. Full stop.

    • We should call ourselves "pro-family" and point out that it's government intrusion into the most sensitive and private decision parents can make

      • tessiee

        Nice idea, but the other side has already co-opted the word "family".
        Ever wonder how single mothers, i.e., mothers and children, can possibly be "anti-family"? Simple; they've redefined "family" to mean "father".

        • That's the diabolic part of this plan

        • Boojum

          Because we do the really hard work, with our penises.

    • tessiee

      Let's not leave out the really ugly strain of sex-loathing and misogyny in the anti-choice movement.
      Remember that troll who posted here complaining about stupid people pooping babies left and right that they couldn't care for?
      I asked him exactly how much he'd donated to Planned Parenthood and NARAL, and his answer was something like, "Exactly Zero. Let them pay for their own fun".

  • nounverb911

    But being an underage, un-married mother can get you a reality show on the sno-billy grifter channel.

  • Chichikovovich

    I'm not sure how much we can judge from this, since I suspect that the "certain circumstances" that at least 5% of the respondents had in mind was "If performing an abortion were the only way to get information from a terrorist about a ticking time bomb…."

    • not that Radio

      I am trying to imaging a flow chart that would lead to such a situation…at the very least, it is not simply-connected.

      • OK, so you're aboard the Nostromo, see, and you know where the bomb is but the alien *just* implanted her seed, see…

      • Chichikovovich

        True, but given that in the usual wingnut decision space, the only connected subsets are the empty set and singletons, that's not saying much.

        • not that Radio

          Ah — the Cantor Set. Why didn't you say so?

          • Chichikovovich

            Yep, named after Eric Cantor. 'Cause it has uncountably many points, which are collectively meagre (as far as what's real) and with no measurable content.

    • prommie

      Don't be so down, it could also mean "until the end of the second trimester." Even I would have a problem with an elective abortion of a healthy fetus at 9 months, ya know?

      • SayItWithWookies

        Really — it seems senseless to abort a baby at that age, right when it's on the cusp of being able to be tried as an adult.

      • Boojum

        I think you should hold your fire until you can see the whites of their eyes.

    • edgydrifter

      "Tonight, on a very special episode of 24…"

    • OldWhiteLies

      Yes – as if the only two options were ever torture, or not torture, hmmm.

      (This snark free comment brought to you by Biz.)

  • hagajim

    I wonder what the numbers would be if Gallup asked Americans if it's any damn business of the government to snoop in their personal lives, period. I'm certainly not pro-life in the sense that the wingnuts are, and I do believe that a woman should be able to choose what to do with her ownself and her cookie, but I also think abortion is the worst possible way to handle birf control….nuff said.

    • tessiee

      "I do believe that a woman should be able to choose what to do with her ownself and her cookie"

      Really, you call it a cookie?
      What a silly, immature, childish term.
      *sniffs in disdain*
      Everyone knows it's a muffin.

      • hagajim

        But I like cookies better than muffins….they're much sweeter.

  • boobookitteh

    Can we just change the name to "United States of Cognitive Dissonance" already?

    • prommie

      Nah, you got it all wrong, its the United States of Geniuses, you know, that kind of genius, when you can believe 2 things at the same time that are diametrically opposed.

      • prommie

        Like people who believe in a benevolent, loving God who wants us to kill his enemies.

        • Boojum

          But can't seem to manage to make it happen?

      • OldWhiteLies

        Weejee, who let you have that framing hammer?

        I thought we agreed you were only to use ball-peen – the dents are easier to fix.

  • SayItWithWookies

    It's just like at the races, when I was trying to look at the horses' stats to see how well they ran on dirt tracks of a length similar to that race, when it was dry, and how healthy they were. And my friend picked the one with the cute name.

    • Oblios_Cap

      and they won?

      • SayItWithWookies

        And at 13:1, too. Facts are stupid things.

        • Should have looked for the Tutsi Frutsi man

          • SigDeFlyinMonky

            I've got a feeling the whole country's getting Tutsi Frutsiing right now.

  • Billmatic

    I'm pro-LYF.

    Ooom paw paw.

  • It's basically an amplification of the NC poll on Gay Marriage. If people understood (haha) then I'll bet pro-life drops.

    Unless you've got a death wish, everyone's pro-life.

    Perhaps they should rejig the question so that it is closer to the truth:
    "Are you pro-choice or anti-woman asshole control freak who can't get over the fact that women make decisions about anything including their bodies without a man telling her what to do by using religion to crush them?"

    • tessiee

      Shorter: "Do you feel that women should be able to have sex without it ruining her life?"

      • "Do you feel that women should be able to *enjoy* sex without it ruining her life?"


  • Asking poll questions like these to the Amerikkkan public is like trying to teach your dog to speak English. It never makes sense to the dog and the result is gibberish.

    • nounverb911

      So it's Seamus's fault that Mitt tied him to the roof of his car?

      • If only Seamus had learned to drive he could have ridden around with Mitt strapped to the roof of his car and felt like he was doing old Mittens a favor.

        • tessiee

          It worked for Toonces.

  • Let me guess; that photo was borrowed from "What to Expect When You're Least Expecting", yes?

    • SayItWithWookies

      It's the view of the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood clinic in Blade Runner.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Guess that shot didn't make either the Director's Cut or the Final Cut DVDs.

  • proudgrampa

    I don't know what the big deal is. We already have state-sanctioned retroactive abortions. A lot of those in Texas..

  • MissTaken

    Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is 100%.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      La petite mort?

  • tessiee

    It doesn't matter whether 99.9% of all Americans think abortion should be legal; companies need cheap labor, the military needs cannon fodder, and religious cranks who nobody would have sex with in the first place are useful idiots; so we'll be fighting this battle 50 years from now, 100 years from now, 200 years from now…

    • JustPixelz

      Abortion is illegal in Saudi Arabia and other Sharia Law nations. A woman getting an abortion is probably stoned to death. So they're pro-life! Just like the Repubicans.

      • tessiee

        I'm borrowing/stealing here, but what the right really wants in this country is "honor killing", just in slow motion.

  • mrpuma2u

    STOOPID SOSHULIS NUMBERZ! Most people who are any good at math are KOMMY LIEBURAL UHMERKA haters. So you should get your statistics from someone who loves America, not someone who's calculations are accurate, or based on facts.

  • OldWhiteLies

    Wait – are we sure this isn't just a clever hidden rorschach test?

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Honestly, I thought it was a photo of 3 old snakes crossing a cobblestone street.

      Edit: or a vagina.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Actually, most Americans feel this way about abortion: it's OK for me, or my girlfriend, daughter, etc., but not for the rest of you sluts!

  • I'm all for unlimited, legalized means of extinguishing these poorly devised surveys that muddy folks' perceptions with "pro-life", "pro-choice", slidey-scale-points-of-view optional but not presumptive — we're overpopulated with such misconceived analyses of human opinion as it is; we'd be better off had they never been brought into the world. Abort them all! (well, except if endangering the life of the mudderer).

  • This is like the poll results from a year ago or so finding that, say, 48 percent favored allowing gay people to get married, and 57 percent in favor of allowing gay and lesbian people to marry.

    • tessiee

      100% of the men in that survey like watching girl on girl porn.

      • These men love lesbians! But their benevolence extends only to femmes. Butches should just be beaten and raped.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    Isn't the simple answer, if God didn't want us to have abortions, he would not have given us abortions.

  • CommieLibunatic

    So… lemme get this straight. Pro-Life/Forced Birth is on the rise, but more people are okay with abortion?

    According to this latest chart, my brain is full with an all-time record level of fuck.

  • mavenmaven

    The Fox news statistics department does not understand what the problem here is.

  • shortsandpants

    We must save the babies over here so we can bomb them over there.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Unless they are anchor babies. Which is a scary mental image, come to think of it.

  • MadBrahms

    So 52% reject the precious yet broken gifts from god that are rape-babies, but think other abortions are wrong, because Actions Have Consequences? Oh, sorry, when I say it that way it almost sounds like it's less about "life" than it is about a twisted and vindictive cult of personal responsibility.

  • Steverino247

    And as long as there's a need to raise funds to keep up the political fight there will never be any resolution to this.

    Dear Friend,

    A recent poll shows the number of pro-(insert your view) Americans is increasing/decreasing (circle one)! We need your financial help to save the unborn/protect a woman's right to choose (circle one).

    (Almost) Full disclosure: I've escorted woman through gauntlets at clinics and helped put some Operation Rescue fuckers in jail (No disclosure here, sorry). However, being a past candidate for Federal office showed me why things are as they are–money. The USSC was right: Money is a form of speech in this country and has been for years. What is wrong is that this is so. Morally wrong, but political reality.

    • CleverSobriquet

      Back to the Dylan reference (written in 1964)

      Old lady judges watch people in pairs
      Limited in sex, they dare
      To push fake morals, insult and stare
      While money doesn’t talk, it swears
      Obscenity, who really cares
      Propaganda, all is phony

  • DocChaos

    20% of Americans believe a zygote is the same thing as a fully formed human being, 25% believe that a fully formed fetus is basically just a tissue mass until the moment of live birth, and most of the remaining majority fall somewhere in between, or are perhaps just unsure of when to transition from woman-hater to baby-killer.

  • OldWhiteLies

    Does that pic of the Wonkette baby remind anybody else of the creepy mix-n-match shit that hides underneath the bad boy's workbench in the original Toy Story movie?

  • tessiee

    That's not even fun in real life.

  • StealthMuslin

    I'd be a lot more pro-life if my kids would just shut up for one damn minute!

  • Sounds like my mom. She is against all abortion but in the case of rape and incest, the doctor just goes ahead a performs a D&C.

  • tessiee

    He has his Father's eyes.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    The only moral abortion? That's easy: It's the one I want need to have.

    EDIT: Oops, Bluestate beat me on this link. Worth posting twice, tho.

    • tessiee

      Thanks for the link.
      Skimming it quickly, I noticed a lot of anecdotes about religious cranks, predictably.
      Aside from the obvious point that most religions are anti-sex and anti-woman, I wonder if religion also has plenty to answer for in these women's… I don't know exactly what to call it… lack of accountability? lack of a sense of agency?
      Somewhere before my 14th birthday, I realized I was an atheist, and somewhere around my 16th birthday, I started buying rubbers at the drugstore so I would be prepared. OK, rubbers sometimes break, and other methods of birth control sometimes fail, but I'm not sure what to make of these women who show up at the clinic all wide-eyed, saying, "I have no idea how this big bump got on my tummy".

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Good thing I don't have any children (at least none that I've ever been informed of) for these stupid fuckers to kill.

  • You're going to need a lot more abortions, with the way prolife and prochoice are fucking in that first graph. Legalunderany and illegalinall should be ashamed of themselves, not inviting legalundercertain to join in the second graph. I find it much easier to masturbate to the first, thanks.

  • BZ1

    Where's the poll on how Gallup is ridiculous?

  • George Skullfry

    I'm not a pollster, but I've looked at enough graphs and statistical experiment analyses during my life to have some trouble taking the apparent swings in that top graph seriously.

    Popular opinion about abortion is not something that one would expect to fluctuate much on a year-to-year basis (note the relative stability of the bottom graph). A shift as large as that from 2011 to 2012 suggests some problem with Gallup's methodology or sample selection.

  • torera

    Nice comments but it's really simple: if you say you're pro-choice, you're apt to get assassinated. So we got out of the habit.

  • ttommyunger

    Looked pretty good before the Repugs got hold of it (when it was a fetus).

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