Did you know that when you are a PR writer and you send our press releases you are supposed to write the headlines for those press releases as if they were the headlines of a legitimate news source? The sick fantasy of every PR flack is of course that some bleary-eyed editor will see your release come over the wire, grunt exhaustedly, and just run it as-is, headline and all, and this being the year 2012 and all news now being on the Internet, that probably happens pretty much constantly. Still, there is a line that even the most bone-tired Web drone will not cross, and that line is crossed multiple times in the following headline: “HIGHLY ANTICIPATED DOCUSERIES, BRISTOL PALIN: LIFE’S A TRIPP, TO PREMIERE TUESDAY, JUNE 19TH, ON LIFETIME.” Do you anticipate hate-watching TV? Do you anticipate it highly? Well, mark your calendar, in your own blood!
Let’s cast our minds back to August of 2010, when erstwhile Bristol-impregnator Levi Johnston was touting his own reality series, a proposed televised run for mayor of Wasilla that either never took place or maybe we had a stroke and the memory was erased from our brains, a blessing either way. Anyway, while engaged in these promotional duties, he took a moment to trash-talk his recently redumped babymomma, noting that “I don’t think I’m any more obsessed with making a career out of this than she is.” Joke’s on you, Levi, because Bristol is even more obsessed with “this” than you are, if by “obsessed with” you mean “successful at,” ha ha!
Anyway, here is the terrible press release, but to save you the trouble of reading it we will supply you with a free-form list of out-of-context phrases that give you the flavor of it:
- “the chance to experience the life of one of America’s most famous young mothers”
- “showcasing Bristol’s journey growing into womanhood”
- “never-before-granted access to Bristol’s real-life experiences”
- “intense media scrutiny that comes from her lineage”
- “disciplining her toddler without Tripp’s father”
- “single-handedly writes the next chapter in her and Tripp’s life”
- “working with such organizations as the Candie’s Foundation to educate people about the issue”
- “readers can get her views and opinions on various topics such as politics, pop culture and parenting”
There, that barely made you want to kill yourself, right? Before we go drink ourselves unconscious, we would like to take slight issue with The Wrap’s own attempt to squeeze pageviews out of this press release. “‘Dancing With the Stars’ fans, Sarah Palin supporters, and non-fans of teen pregnancy rejoice: Bristol Palin will return to the nation’s airwaves on June 19.” This show is not for non-fans of teen pregnancy. It is for serious devotees of teen pregnancy. Why in God’s name would you watch a docuseries about a gal famous for one thing, which is that she got teen pregnant, if you weren’t extremely keen on teen pregnancy?
Enh, at least she isn’t demanding to host the national evening news programs on all three networks or anything. Could be worse [Press release of death].
{ 217 comments }
Ugh, Sarah Palin and her knocked up Chubby Cub are in the spotlight because two idiot men failed to take the proper precautions.
It's John McCain's failure to take precautions I blame the most.
If only he kept his presidential ambition zipped up, we all would be in better shape.
Didn't Bill Krystal push her name in the VP selection process? He deserves some blame, too.
Only two? Maybe if Tawd had taken some precautions 20 years ago….
I assumed that by, "two idiot men who failed to take precautions", Barb meant:
1. Bristle's baby daddy, whoever that is, and
2. Bristle's biological father, whoever that is.
The two men:
John McCain for not vetting Sarah and Levi.
No, it was that moronic Arthur Culvahouse, probably the most incompetent lawyer in America. He vetted Sarah and Todd Palin and their family by Googling them — not realizing the Palins' iron grip on Alaska news sources and law enforcement personnel and records. Evidently Culvahouse also discounted any public remarks by Alaska Dem legislators…
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/blogs/the-g…
June 19th's my sister's birthday. I'll have other things to do that day.
Please, please don't say your sister.
No, senor, I will not sell you my seester.
I'll FIND other things to do that day.
Me too. I think I'll be sticking red hot knitting needles in my eyes, if it's my only choice besides watching this crap.
You know your "career" in showbiz is over when you land a gig in Lifetime, Hallmark or A&E.
Yes, and then it'll get its own show.
Joanna Kerns/Jaclyn Smith/Donna MIlls Libel!
Valerie Bertinelli libel!
MARKIE POST FOREVER LIBEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOW I'm into abstinence.
I am sure it is a large latex covered dose of abstinence for Brisdull every night. The TV show is just get money for batteries.
I actually misread the quoted headline as “HIGHLY ANTICIPATED DOUCHERIES, BRISTOL PALIN…"
I did, too, and it seemed spot-on.
Love your new avatar. Apparently, he's all done with the tweeting because the google accused him of being a misogynist racist asshole.
Thank you! Isn't he handsome? He's back up and Twatting. Like, non-stop. He actually believes that this constitutes “publicity” of the kind that will help him in life.
Oh god, you're right. Just checked balloon juice. He's going to take legal action now? Really?
If he's going to take legal action, he should know that first thing he needs to do is STFU. But I think he's too stupid to know that or even follow the advice of any attorney who tells him to do that.
He's enough of a jackass that he will probably decide to represent himself in court.
I thought it said CHARCUTERIES, because they were talking about products made from unwanted parts.
Parts made from offal. Appropriate.
Palins : American Political Discourse :: Pink Slime : Food
Except with more ammonia.
I read it as "do-cuser-ies" — and thought WTH is a do-cusery?
You do something, and then you cuss?
"Hey, guys, hurry up! 'Real Dipshits Of Wasilla' is on!"
Stupid hockey mom gets nominated for Veep and sales of her style of eyeglasses shoot through the roof. Too bad she didn't use those glasses to see what the hell her teen daughter was up to and try to stop half the hockey team from getting into Bristol's penalty box.
Too bad she didn't get more than two minutes for hooking.
You get a big upfist for the hockey reference, thanks!
Or Tripping. (sorry, had to–too easy).
That put the icing on the cake.
What Bristol really has to work on is not allowing the puck between the posts.
True, but it's hard to do with so many men in the crease
Win!
Zing!
OK, *ALL* of your posts are exponentially funnier because it looks like your avatar is saying them, and that makes me hear them in Hedy Lamarr's voice.
That's Hedley.
Which is what I said in the first post verbatim, Lettuce.
Recall that Sarah Palin was pregnant before marriage, as was her mother. It's a family tradition with those good traditional family folks.
Hat trick, er, tripp.
This was not a surprise. Even the Russians saw it coming.
Don't you mean "Rushians"?
From their porch.
If the idea is to discourage teen pregnancy, then why not kick Bristol out of her house, make her get a real job and then if she gets one show her trying to take care of childcare on minimum wage?
YOU are funny!!!
Silly, Real Life is only for non-celebrity wimmenz.
As a celebrity Bristol doesn't even have the talent of Paris Hilton.
Witness the career trajectory of poor Mark Ballas, who had to steer the piano-legged obese/pg? Bristol around the DWTS floor in fall 2010 earning 3rd place thanks to obsessed Palinbots, and ONLY moved up to a 2nd place finish last night with the infinitely more talented and pleasant Katherine Jenkins.
His pairing with the Palin spawn is going to haunt him the rest of his life.
Don't miss the moving scene where she has to decide if her child is too sick to send to daycare, meaning that she will be docked a day's pay to stay home with him.
You forgot the part where her wreck of a car dies on the side of the highway because she couldn't afford routine maintenance.
So how much will it cost to tow it to my house? WHAT?!!!
I like he part where she says "house" to describe her trailer.
I can't wait for the episode where she gay-marries a condom while tripping on Wasilla mushrooms.
What a Long, Strange Tripp It's Been
Nicely done…nicely done.
"And do you, Extra Ribbed for Her Pleasure, take Bristol Palin to be your lawfully married wife?"
Extra Ribbed for Her Pleasure then self-immolates.
Maybe with money from this show, Bristol will finally be able to afford a college education…
Just kidding.
Snob college is fer fags.
If we're really lucky, she'll be able to afford to retire. To somewhere very, very distant. And very, very remote.
As long as someone is willing to pay the bills for this chippie, she will continue to be a grifter like her mother.
Wasn't it a couple of weeks ago that the media informed us that there are more couples shacking up together than married ones and that more children are now born out of wedlock? You want to know why? Because any loser, especially a Republican loser, can get a television network to pay them money to be on television.
What can Bristol teach anyone? She hasn't learned anything herself! Has she learned humility? Has she learned to take the money that she has made from reality shows and get a good education, so that she'll be able to make an honest living for herself and her son? No. She has learned to become a premium grifter, like her mother because there will always be another sucker willing to shell out a whole lot of money so that she can be on television.
And there endeth the lesson. (Am I'm first!)
I would argue that the likely culprit of the whole "unmarried living in sin" thing has nothing to do with reality TV and more to do with a general decline in the importance of marriage as an institution – not that Americans don't love them some marriage, but that it increasingly is seen as a less crucial component of building a family.
Hell, the hubster and I wouldn't have bothered, but we didn't want my dad to faint when we got around to getting pregnant.
Among the many positives that have resulted from Obama's statement about gay marriage, one of them is I knew who to cull from my facebook "friends". I hadn't seen some of these people since I was in high school and more than few became parents while they were still in high school. Three of them are on their 2nd marriage. And they have the gall to post comments that say I shouldn't legally be able to marry my partner?
I'm a much too polite person because I wanted to post something along the lines of:
"Marriage is between One Man and One Woman and, half the time, it ends in One Divorce."
You should NEVER be polite about those things.
I'm inclined to agree with that sentiment.
There's a place for reasoned, nuanced argument and there's a place for just telling people to shut the fuck up because they're idiots. This'd be the latter.
its tee-vees fault then.
damn you tee-vee you always let me down.
It's definitely that, and on top of that in this particular economy, people simply aren't able to afford the type marriages ceremonies we've become accustomed to, lately (i.e. huge church, 100 white doves, five-figured dresses, twenty-layer cake…).
See also "Kardashian".
"Wasn't it a couple of weeks ago that the media informed us that there are more couples shacking up together than married ones and that more children are now born out of wedlock? You want to know why?"
Because when everybody is broke and jobless, there's not all that much point in tying the knot legally?
Not since Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? have I been so looking forward to watching something on Lifetime.
Hey, Josh, who invited you to a Washington Times editorial board meeting?
Her "lineage"? Like she's like that whore, Mary Queen of Scots?
Careful, Brisket! You might soon wish to be upended in a bucket of malmsey.
You misspelled "malibu coolers".
That's butt of malmsey, not to be overly pedantic. The connection to Bristol's caboose is left for an an exercise for the reader.
Of course, this series means the next series is already in production:
"COUCH TRIPP: A CHILD'S LIFE IN THERAPY."
Who owns that fucking network? Seriously, I want to know who the director of programming is. I've got a friend who has a friend who knows a SEAL.
as long as it's a cute seal.
Makes me wonder is Bristle is going out clubbing tonight.
Certainly…that is, of course, unless she and mom are shooting wolves from the family helicopter.
When will this Dumb Harridan escape to Chenobyl? This Twat will give women advice when she couldn't even make the proper decision to use a condom! SOmeone in this universe hates me with a passion!
“intense media scrutiny that comes from her lineage"
Lineage? Don't think so, unless we're talking "line of coke".
It's certainly nonlinear.
She's a descendent of Marquis de Sade, didn't you know?
Yes, she comes from a long and storied line of proud hillbillies.
"Lineage", as in, her family tree is a straight line that doesn't fork?
Lifetime: Television for the inbred, hillbilly trailer park trash with an IQ lower than our total viewers.
Again, begging the question: What does anyone even remotely connected to this family have to do with “reality?“ I feel like I am having a stroke every time I see or hear one of their names mentioned.
No, it just reinforces my desire to kill other people.
I can't wait till this movie makes it to the hinterlands of upstate NY. It will allow me to vicariously live out my rage fantasy, that I have whenever I see or hear the Princess Dumbass of the North.
Why haven't we heard of this movie here before?
Clicking on the linkie to the press release wasn't so bad. My bigger mistake was clicking on the press release linkie to Bristle's mommy/self-pity blog. And I did it knowing I can't drink alcohol, either. I may have to give up teh Wonkette til I can drink again.
I rarely out-click now that I'm knocked up. I would need so much fucking gin.
See, this is why we don't need abortion. Being an unwed teen mom is fun and easy. You just have to live off the fame of your mother and everything will be easy as pie.
Or borrow $20k from your parents and start creating jerbs, like Mitt did.
She needs to gay marry a Khardashian- or am I giving away the end-of-season cliffhanger?
Word is that she dumped Gino, the moronic Levi-substitute that she planned the point of this "reality show" around, their "trial marriage", in that cliffhanger end-of-season episode.
Poor Tripp, he must be SO confused after Levi, Ben, Levi again, Gino, Kyle and Chris, and Gino again…"mom, who's my daddy?"
*sigh* and *barf*
Hasn't Bristol been made illegal in Wisconsin? Probably won't be on there.
If either she or Tripp's father had more discipline with their "toddlers" in the first place, we wouldn't be in this mess.
I have always called Lifetime 'Barftime: The Misogynist Network'. This is so gaggy (a word?). I doubt Bristol can educate her own kid let alone the white trash teenage mommy masses..
Also, why does Tripp remind me of a budding version of that Jackie Haley character in Day of the Locust?
"gaggy (a word?)"
It's the shorter form of "barfulent".
One of my friends refers to Lifetime as Deathtime, because as he puts it, there is always same lame bullshit about someone dying. Whether murder or disease there is always someone dead.
Substitute Casey Anthony for Brisket in that list and it makes much more sense.
Casey's now going to be offered a show by the same producers to allow viewers:
“the chance to experience the life of one of America’s most famous young mothers”
“showcasing Casey’s journey growing into womanhood”
“never-before-granted access to Casey’s real-life experiences”
“intense media scrutiny that comes from her lifestyle”
“disciplining her toddler without fathers”
“single-handedly writes the next chapter in her life”
“working with such organizations as Child Abuse Network to educate people about the issue”
“readers can get her views and opinions on various topics such as politics, pop culture and parenting”
Well, fuck that. I'm not ditching my "Babies Having Babies Are #1" foam finger for this fucking show.
Incidentally, "non-fans of teen pregnancy" may be the most so-insipid-it's-sublime noun clause to come down the P.R. pike in many a mangled metaphorical moon.
How far in the hole does the Nielsen rating system go? Just sayin'.
I believe on the negative side, the Nielsen rating system scale is:
"light negative" — throws own TV set out window
"medium negative" — cuts neighborhood cable TV feeder lines
"heavy negative" — hacks into NORAD, launches pre-emptive strike on Mitsubishi TV factories
This is my favorite list ever.
It's actually related to the old 1950s Nuclear Bomb Damage Assessment scale:
light damage = rubble
medium damage = gravel
heavy damage = dust
So, what you are saying is that the earth quake in Japan and the Fukushima meltdown were in fact Obama launching a preemptive strike against Dances with the Stars?
Oh shit, wait 'til Tucker Carlson wraps his bow tie around that one.
That's what she said.
I'm sorry, I must have fallen from my chair and knocked myself cold. What did I miss?
I remember something about growing into womanhood … ?
Maybe they meant that something grew in her "woman's hood."
White?
Hey, your pee is up! Nice! (I try to upfist whenever I can). Personally, I think you're seeing noticeable p fluctuation because of your relatively low number of comments–it will all even out… After some 3000 comments it takes me a prolonged amount of time to add one p to my score (weeks).
Does anyone really know how p is calculated? I fist and am fisted, I comment, and comment on comments. Some times I get fisted a lot, some times a little. I've never seen mine go down (even when I've war blogged on Breitbart's sites), but, I'm nearing 6,500 post, and my p only gets bigger every few months. I'm starting to think that there is simply a fairy of the internet who drops down and magically alters your P as s/he sees fit.
Res ipsa loquitur, sed quid in infernos dicet!*; as the great Dean Prosser would say.
* The thing speaks for itself; but what the hell does it say?
Don't worry, she actually grows out of it in the season finale.
In Alaska, you don't grow into womanhood…womanhood grows into you!
Sometimes it's manhood, but let's not pick nits.
Sharkey, Please. Levi had a stiffy on the way to the campground. There weren't no growing into. It was more like plunging into the abyss.
Look forward to the Ice Road Truckers crossover episode.
(Cue guitar with wah-wah pedal)
"Ice Road Hookers; at 50 below, you're damn right they're stiff and visible through the tube top!"
I, for one, remain unconcerned about this. There MSUT be a game on on that night. June 19 is too early for the All-Star break and not late enough for the NHL season to have ended. Come to think of it, hockey in June should be about as popular, ratings-wise, as a "reality" show starring Bristle Palin.
Let's see, how does it go … ? Oh yeah:
Somebody-important-in-hockey Libel!!1!
I guess it beats having a real job.
Is "disciplining her toddler" the new "tongue punching her fart box"?
I imagine there's a frying pan or clothes iron involved.
I thought it was the equivalent of Choking the Chicken.
*puzzles over this*
OK, "fart box" must mean rectum, so…
EWWWWWW!!!!!
Is she going to blame the next pregnancy on wine coolers again?
Silly person.
Didn't you read the
brown-nosingpress release?Bristle's grown into womanhood now!
She's not gonna do anything so immature and irresponsible as blame the next pregnancy on wine coolers!
She's gonna be mature and sophisticated, and blame the next pregnancy on mojitos.
Lifetime, huh. Will they run it back-to-back with the ghostwhisperer's handjob show?
God…that reminds me of that horrible ghost hunter show.
Ghosthunter Please give us a sign. Are you here?!
Ghost – Stop shouting! We're dead, not deaf!
Not Without My Bartles & James
First episode: Inside Levi's Genes
Another BP disaster polluting America.
Oh, well-played, Sir. Well played.
And that is how we do that…
Having once worked for BP, I can only say Bravo!
I'm guessing no apology for this one, either.
And people are *paying* for cable and sattelite delivery of this shit into their homes. Myself included
But what does Mercede Johnston think? She must be pissed about some aspect of this. Inquiring minds want to know!
I thought we were talking about TV, sheesh, nobody reads anymore.
Glad to hear Bristol's new show premieres on June 19, because that gives me plenty of time between now and then to gouge out my eyes.
I thought Bristol already had a show… 16 and Pregnant.
I thought her "journey into womanhood" just involved a camping trip, some wine coolers, and the apparent lack of either contraception or good judgment.
Juneteens: Bristol Gets Emancipated
It's hard to get emancipated when you're so gal durn stupid.
“single-handedly writes the next chapter in her and Tripp’s life?”
More like, "Ghost-writer / Underwrites the next chapter in her and Tripp's life." Thank god she's got surrogates to do all her livin for her.
The only comfort I can take from this is that as Bristlecone's popularity grows, Cundra will be spitting nails of jealousy.
You know what would be cool, Warner Herzog doing a documentary on the entire Palin family. But this, no.
If he did film it, he would probably destroy all the copies.
I think he'd prefer to work with zombie Kinski instead.
Lars von Trier couldn't do justice to that trainwreck clan.
If it involved this clan of snowbillies getting eaten by Kodiak bears, definitely cool.
Seriously: What's the biggest threat to marriage right now? Possibly, maybe, could it be giving unmarried teens their own tv shows?
once again we see virtue is it's own reward.
no seriously, it has to be.
If virtue is its own reward…..Bristol would not be rewarded. Thank G*d I don't have cable.
Absolutely. Virtue is its own reward. Absence of virtue is rewarded with reality TV shows.
And sometimes, truckloads of money.
I hope this isn't on at the same time as, Breaking Bad.
Gee, shouldn't Bristol have grown into womanhood before she burped out that bastard?
Pooped out that bastard, Maman, *pooped* out that bastard.
I know but it missed the alliterative charm
Haven't you heard? Sexual maturity is the only maturity that matters in Real America™.
The show title sucks. Here's some:
Thunder Thighs
Exiled in Methville
My Big Fat Cunt
Whorders
Cunt Boss
Hell's Bitchin'?
So You Think You're A Celebrity?
The Real World: Wasilla?
Sorry, that's all I got. Your titles are so much better.
If she moved to Seaside Heights, they could call it "Jersey Whore".
Eat, Pray, Eat.
The Best Little Whorehouse In Wherever This Is Set.
STDliest Catch
None and a Half Men
Toddlers and Taco Bell
Swamp Sluts
The Biggest Loser… oops taken.
“never-before-granted access to Bristol’s real-life experiences”
But I don't want to go in the tent!
If we ignore them, will they go away?
No. They will not be ignored! Hide your bunnies!
Problem is they breed like bunnies.
showcasing Bristol’s journey growing into womanhood
I assume this means she doesn't gag while giving blow jobs anymore?
i was thinking growing into a bagger – hoveround size.
Griftin' got my chips cashed in. Keep griftin', like the do-dah man
Together, more or less in line, just keep griftin' on.
Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long strange trip it's been
Griftin', I'm a goin' home, Whoa whoa baby, back where I belong,
Back home, sit down and patch my bones, and get back griftin' home.
Is she the surprise gay superhero announced by DC?
Must be early-onset Alzheimer's, because it only now occurred to me that, if you really wanted to promote abstinence, and not merely white evangelical cultural identity, Bristol Palin is about the last person you would enlist as a spokesperson.
HEY EVERYONE!!!! LOOK AT BRISTOL!!!!! LOOK!!!! WHEEEEE!!!! SHE IS STILL THEY'RE FLAUNTING THE GREATEST HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT, EVER!! FUR AND BABIES!!!! LOOK AT THE FUR AND BABIES ON THE TEE VEE!!!!
One could say that it would be a cold day in Hell before a neophyte like Brist
“working with such organizations as the Candie’s Foundation"
Is the Candie's Foundation a charity that provides tacky high heels for impoverished skanks?
Yes.
:" showcasing Bristol's journey growing into womanhood."
on Levi's smart phone
sweety, gets some help, it ain't your fault and make something of yourself, you can do it!
This is good news for Snooki.
i demand that the Heavy Metal/Monster Truck guy do the commercial voice-overs:
"THEY WERE DRUNK!
THEY WERE STUPID!
THEY DIDN'T USE BIRTH CONTROL!
SUNDAY!
SUNDAY!"
"I'm off to some charity BS for knocked-up teenage sluts" — Mom on Futurama
What a loving name for your first child. He is nothing more than a small tripp in your race towards Jesus, right?
“disciplining her toddler without Tripp’s father”
Ten dollars to a donut says that Tripp is a hyperactive, destructive little thug who no one has ever disciplined, much less read a book to.
Oh now, tessiee, be nice! I'll bet somebody (there's got to be a fourth grade graduate in that family somewhere) reads to Tripp from Brissie's "book" every day. The chapters about how Daddy raped mommy in a tent, the story about how all their buddies heard mommy and daddy in the tent, the story about mommy's underage drinking, the story about how mommy's parents never knew what mommy was doing, etc., etc.
And yes, I'll bet you're exactly right about how he is growing up. I read something somewhere about a sneak peek which shows the little tyke being taught to stick his tongue out at people mommy doesn't like.
I think all the Palins, Levi, and everybody associated with them needs to
*puts sunglasses on*
shut the fuck up and go away forever.
*YEEEAAAAHHH!!*
Like you said. But they won't, will they? Political herpes, that's the Palins.
This vapid little idiot should get on her knees every day and thank God she was born with a pussy, otherwise she would have absolutely nothing going for her.
HIGHLY ANTICIPATED DOCUSERIES? by whom, pray tell?
I am hoping wonkette at least got a big check for alerting us that Lifetime television has not yet gone the way of espnX
Her "lineage"??? Does she have AKC papers to prove it???
Once again, fuck you John McCain.
This girl tasted love, as tender as the gentle dawn.
She cried a single tear, A teardrop that was sweet and warm.
Our hearts told us we were right, And on that sweet velvet night.
A child had died, a woman had been born.
This Girl is a Woman Now; She's learned how to live.
This Girl is a Woman Now. She's found out what it's all about
And she's learnin', learnin' to live.
Anyone else remember Gary Puckett and the Union Gap?
I had forgotten them. Thanks a lot. They were up here last year on the fair circuit. Good Lord, there were some condescending lyrics (with just a dash of creepy molestyness!) that came out of that group.
I've always been more of a Kirby Puckett fan.
Maybe there's some opportunity for the network to do a series cross-over/guest appearance thing with that Client List show.
I'm going to go throw up at the thought of that now.
I gotta give her credit for one thing, I'm AMAZED Bristol hasn't had another kid by now. AMAZED.
Oh just fuck.
Meth Labs of The Rich & Famous: CANCELLED, tood hard to smurf ingredients…
A reality show, and her own action figure.
“showcasing Bristol’s journey growing into womanhood”
She's going lesbo?
“never-before-granted access to Bristol’s real-life experiences”
Bwahahah! There is anything about the Palins' real-life experiences that they haven't "granted access to" (and by granted access to, I mean shrieked, caterwauled, whined, hissy-fitted, and peed all over facebook, Greta, and Sean Crappity)?
There is something that we missed? Something that you have not yet granted access to? No, and no. Go the fuck away, Bristol, and take your nose-picking spawn and your vile harpy of a "mother" with you.
I'm loving the new SlutChic look.
BTW, I get "Lifetime" (DirecTV). I've never watched anything it offers and I'm positive this announcement will change nothing.
She might need a hip check (Palin well-woman exam).
Two reds will have you singing the blues?
The Palins have been playing shorthanded for a lot longer than 2 minutes.
Really? She gets a show about parenting?
(get that reference and I'll love you forever)
Edit: My significant other (husband/boyfriend person) went to the Coyotes/Kings game after work. (yeah, Yotes lost– sucks.) He texted me "I hope you won't be mad…" yada yada. "It's a work thing.." Is he Don Fucking Draper? Goddamit, I have a Keith Tkachuk jersey!! He doesn't know jack shit about hockey!!! Grrrrrrr. Unbelievable.
..(And then I passively got shitfaced like Peggy Olson). –Who the fuck am I anymore?!
Please, please let that be so.
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