in the sexual way mostly

Wingnuts Confused Over How To Be Angry About New DC Comics Gay Superhero

Takes one to know one.

Some horrified wingnuts have been distressed over the announcement that DC Comics will “turn” one of its major legacy superheroes gay in June, and weirdly those wingnuts don’t include vile hate lizard Bryan Fischer. After all, at last someone is recognizing what Bryan Fischer’s many arduous years relentlessly studying gay men taught him long ago: that a muscle-bound man who runs around in tights must be a very naughty pervert indeed. Vindication. So really, what is the big hairy-chested deal here, angry conservatives? Let us turn to the tense worrywarts of the Weekly Standard for what is one rather novel argument adrift in the sea of outrage, here it is: We ought to feel disgusted because DC Comics is using gays for, get this, marketing purposes. GAYSPLOITATION.

Standard opinionator Jonathan V. Last hates to bother you with this inconvenient saga, but your beloved elitist DC Comics has not been doing very well financially these last few years.

For people who don’t follow these things (read: normal, well-adjusted adults) Dan DiDio took over DC Comics in 2006 and drove the company into disarray. Sales were down. The company’s flagship characters were in books nobody bought. With the exception of Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise, none of the DC characters were successfully being brought to movie screens—which is, at this point, the primary business mission for comic book publishers.

After six years of DiDio’s management, the company believed that it was so creatively bankrupt that it had to cancel every single title it owned. And then re-imagine—and re-launch—the entire brand. Imagine New Coke, if Coke was the only product the Coca-Cola company owned in 1985.

So guess what: now they want some of those big homosexual bucks everybody keeps talking about, sellouts.

Comic book nerds were pretty worked up about all of this, but the mainstream press was thrilled. They don’t normally pay much attention to comics, but DiDio got places like the New York Times to smile upon DC because he promised that, as part of the re-imagining, DC was going to the diversity woodshed. The New DC would have more minorities. And homosexuals. And drunks. And drunk, minority, homosexuals. (I’m kidding—but only about the alcoholism.) The Times, and other organs of polite society who otherwise couldn’t care less about comic books, loved it.

Ha ha, the stupid media has fallen prey to such an easy trap, suckers. Who reports a narrative like “a struggling business changes its strategy to widen its demographic appeal and attract some publicity” when “gays shamelessly exploited for homosexual bucks” is the actual story here?

But really, who cares? The New DC is already a creative failure. It looks like it’s going to wind up a business failure, too. And as a piece of social activism? This morning Marvel announced that their big homosexual character, Northstar, will get gay married—interracially gay married!—in June’s issue of Astonishing X-Men. So even in the contest for transparently commercial attempts at cultural relevance, DC is a already loser, too.

So there you go. You may now feel smugly secure that DC Comics has failed at capitalism, for being too slow to embrace the homos. That is such a fun argument for a conservative magazine to make! [Twitter/ Weekly Standard]

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270 comments

  1. Barb

    Gay superhero? Why would they have to turn gay? They can toast bread with laser beams that shoot from their eyes. They don't need the small appliances that comes with gay induction.

    1. tessiee

      "They don't need the small appliances that comes with gay induction."

      OR that you get for wedding presents.

    1. shortsandpants

      For sure he is! He never has a girl to save, he wears pastel colors, he's always following around a bigger man, and he refuses to drive his own car. The gay-dar is reading off the charts with that one.

  2. Negropolis

    Come on, everyone knew Bruce Wayne was gay. A confirmed bachelor with commitment issues who dresses up in tight leather and a fancy belt every night, who enjoys "fighting crime" with his partner? Really, this is a surprise, how?

      1. JudasPeckerwood

        So you're saying that Batman is about to come out as a family-values Republican?

        1. Negropolis

          I can see him, now, railing against paying higher taxes on millionaires, because it's going to go to the corrupt Gotham City police department.

          1. Wile E. Quixote

            The Gotham City Weakly Standard will be writing editorials condemning the corrupt, unionized police force and the idea of single payer police protection and lauding the private sector efforts of Batman and Robin, who aren't limited by burdensome regulations and that whole "due process of law" thing.

    1. miss_grundy

      I can't wait for someone to ask Christian Bale about it. Do you think he'll take it well or will he go into a tirade?

    2. rickmaci

      Lives with an older man who cares for his every need. Oh, and the Bat Cave is spotless!!

          1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            I'm tellin' ya. First things start out harmlessly enough. Everyone is offered a "taste." Next thing ya know, there's a writhing ball of gaysexin' bodies on the rug, and it's downhill from THERE.

    3. Skullfry Buddha

      Personally, I always thought that Robin and Alfred were getting a lil' sumthin sumthin on the side.

        1. PsycWench

          Yeah, that one is priceless. But I can only share it with select friends and colleagues.

    4. Mumbly_Libel

      Fun bit of actual comic books trivia: Batwoman was originally introduced as a love interest for Batman, specifically to blunt this exact critique, and retired in the 60's because there wasn't much else to do with her. She was then re-introduced during the most recent previous efforts to diversify the DC universe, in the mid-2000s, as a lesbian and also too jewish.

      She's romantically involved with Renee Montoya (a character first introduced in the good animated series) who is a former Gotham City Detective, and currently fights crime as the new The Question (formerly a deprecated Ditko hero who partially influenced Watchmen's Rorschach).

  3. Sharkey

    And drunk, minority, homosexuals. (I’m kidding—but only about the alcoholism.)

    Hey now, we don't kid about alcoholism on this website!

    1. Callyson

      Seriously. And we are not "drunks": we are connoisseurs of fine wines and spirits.

      Weekly Standard readers and writers, on the other hand, must be a bunch of drunks to fall for this crap…

      1. mavenmaven

        That was the intent. His next guest issue revolves around his pairing up with the Cougar.

  4. gullywompr

    Any guy that can bag Wonder Woman, Catwoman, Batwoman, Poison Ivy, Sasha Bordeaux, Black Canary, and Jezebel Jet (just to name a few), is doing something right.

      1. Mumbly_Libel

        So much. Especially Batwoman, both in-canon (she's not actually into dudes) and out-of-canon (she was introduced as a love interest because Seduction of the Innocent called Batman, and I'm paraphrasing here, "super-gay")

    1. tessiee

      Believe it or not, the Archie series already has a gay married couple:
      http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-archies-gay-frien

      If you notice the picture that goes with this article, they're also a gay, interracial, married couple.

      My favorite line from the article: "When Archie is too progressive for you, that's how science identifies you as an earlier species."

      1. anniegetyerfun

        I love Cracked. I kept trying to assume that it was essentially the same thing as Mad Magazine, but it's really good. I mean, not that Mad wasn't.

      2. flamingpdog

        Well, from the article I'd have to say it looks like if Archie divorces Veronica, she has someone to fall back on.

        Brb!

      3. Fare la Volpe

        They produced a limited series surrounding that gay character, and now it looks like he's going to get his own digest size too. His books are displayed prominently on the splash page, and supposedly they've been huge sellers with people who never even read Archie before (including yours truly).

        Seriously, Archie comics has been downright amazing lately. The ease with which they introduced an openly gay character into a medium for kids, and acted like it was no big deal, is nothing short of inspiring.

  5. Neoyorquino

    Nope. I won't be happy until my comic book heroes are caught up in an interracial, bisexual love quadrangle.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Get Marv Wolfman to write it and George Perez and Phil Jimenez to do the artwork and I'll buy two copies.

    2. Skullfry Buddha

      I prefer a love bi-dodecahedron. Be careful though…you might wind up sucking your own dick.

        1. Skullfry Buddha

          I once knew a guy who could suck his own dick….skinny fucker. Demonstrated at a party once. Years later he was confined to a wheelchair. Coincidence? I think not.

          1. Wile E. Quixote

            Could he still suck his own dick though? I mean yeah, being confined to a wheelchair would suck, but it would suck less if you could blow yourself.

          2. Fare la Volpe

            Demonstrated at a party once

            The hell kinda parties are you going to, and how can I score an invite?

          3. Skullfry Buddha

            Alas…this was back in my 20s. My middle-aged compatriots don't want to talk of such things, and it would be creepy if I sought out folks young enough to appreciate such antics.

          4. UW8316154

            Sigh…I did so *many* things in my 20s that would be creepy to reenact in middle age.

            /becomes lost in a hazy daydream of sex, drugs and adventure….

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Now that I think about it I want to be involved in a love tesseract. That way I could suck my own dick and violate causality by cumming in my mouth before I started blowing myself. Am I over-thinking this?

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          I would say, yes, you are definitely overthinking this.

          Now let me tell you about this really strange dream I had last night…

        2. Skullfry Buddha

          This…THIS is why I love Wonkette. Only three types make me laugh: Myself. Professional Comedians, and Wonkettes.

          It's only you folks that keep me from being a complete auto-erotic whore monger.

          1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            OK, I KNOW I'm overthinking this, but — how the fuck do you become a complete auto-erotic *whore*monger? Or are you just whoring yourself out to the hand, here?

          2. Wile E. Quixote

            "Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, so my disguise must be able to strike terror into the their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible…A…A"

            As if in answer a huge, auto-erotic whoremonger flies in the open window.

            "An auto-erotic whoremonger. That's it! It's an omen. I shall become a complete auto-erotic whoremonger!"

            And thus is borne this weird figure of the dark, this avenger of evil. The Auto-erotic Whoremonger-Man!

            Too derivative?

  6. Tundra Grifter

    A very good friend of mine told me his family used to watch "Mission Impossible" every week because Barney (not the green dinosaur) was the first national tv blah character who was just a character. Not a pimp or other crook, not a sidekick, just a guy.

    This was a big, big deal.

    Funny how it didn't come up that blah folks were being exploited by that move. Or when Jack Johnson and Joe Lewis were heavyweight champions of the world.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Same with the wife and Star Trek (minority pilot, who later turned out to be teh ghey, and Uhura), and Hawai'i 5-0 (minority in Kono, as policeman not crim). 60s stuff.

    2. So Tired

      I remember watching Mission Impossible as a kid and thinking why WASN'T it a big deal? They were treating him just like everyone else. As a scrawny white kid growing up in Redneckville, northwest FL, it was a wonder.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Many years ago I heard an interview with the widow of Nat "King" Cole. It was often pointed out he was the first Black performer with a national tv variety show.

        She said the iimportant thing wasn't that he was the first one. The important thing was he wasn't the last one.

    3. memzilla

      In a conversation with a blah friend, the subject turned to blah actors in the 1930s — Hattie McDaniels, Bill "Bojangles" Robinson, Stepin Fetchit, Butterfly McQueen — and how some viewed them as victims of exploitation by the Hollywood system.

      We agreed that they were, but more importantly, that they were blah people gettin' paid in the middle of the Great Depression.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          "I can make $1,000 a week in Hollywood playing a maid. Or I can make $10 a week being one."

      1. Tundra Grifter

        W.C. Fields was on Broadway with the great Bert Williams, at that time one of the highest paid performers in America.

        Fields asked Williams to go out for a drink. They picked a posh New York hotel, figuring they both would get served.

        Fields was charged fifty cents for his drink. Williams was charged $50.

        Williams pulled out his wallet, laid five $100 bills on the counter, and said "I''ll have ten more."

          1. Tundra Grifter

            AOMM:

            You are much too kind. I can still remember coming to Wonkette as a wide-eyed kid, reading the comments and wondering if someday I could ever do that.

            Of course, back then I had a job…

    4. Lascauxcaveman

      Yeah, I remember watching Mish Imp (as we called it) religiously and Barney was always just really cool. Total professional, on top of things all the way.

      Now Linc, over on The Mod Squad, OTOH, always seemed to be trying too hard: trying impress the hot white chick

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Given what happend to his career after that show, guess he became the missing Linc.

  7. Wile E. Quixote

    I'll agree with Johnathan V. Last about Dan DiDio sucking (the only time I will ever agree with any of the retards who write for the Weakly Standard about anything) but will point out that Last is an ignorant fuck (of course he is, he writes for the Weakly Standard) if he thinks that homosexuality in comics is anything new.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Great minds and all that. But despite my annoyance at Bryan Fischer and Johnathan Last for their pearl-clutching I am pleased to have a reason to link to Superdickery.

    1. alteredimages

      Yes. Didio sucks. I hate to agree with 'em too. But I gave up on DC entirely after the recent asinine reboot. Yes, I'm nearly 40 and read comics. And I don't live in my mom's basement.

      Also, they didn't bitch as much about lesbian Batwoman, is that because lesbos are hawt and gays are icky?

    2. GhostBuggy

      DiDio may suck, but that article is still way off in its timeline of events at DC and the reasons for various changes. Not that we should be going to the fainting couch at the thought of WS cocking it all up, of course. I mean, Superman's gotta fly, Aquaman's gotta swim.

  8. bumfug

    At least these guys have super powers, not like that ass-bandit Archie and his pack of dick smokers.

  9. Groupshrug

    New Batman story idea: Batman gets thrown in to the electric fence concentration camp for the gays and frees them, but not before having lots of hot, dirty, drippy, filthy gay sex.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Sir. Your screenplay must have gotten out onto the net. Lindsey Graham is on line one. He says that he wants to play a noble US Senator who ends up in the camp, totally by mistake of course, and who is liberated by Batman. Allen West is on line two, he says that he wants to play the noble black conservative US Congressman who ends up in the camp, totally by mistake of course when he was searching for the missing Lindsey Graham, who also ends up being liberated by the Batman. Shit, line three is ringing. "Hello? No Mr. Bachmann, we haven't finished casting yet. No, I can't say if there's a role for a psychologist who ends up in the camp, totally by accident of course, and who ends up being liberated by the Batman. Yes, yes, I will mention your idea of having your wife play an evil, camp guard named "Miss Thing"

        1. Fare la Volpe

          "Hello? …No, Mr. Foley. We have no plans of filming on location at a daycare. Stop calling."

    1. Beowoof

      Boner crime, sounds as if they are talking they're talking about John Boehner getting caught ala Eric Massa.

  10. CthuNHu

    No! Not Northstar! He was my hero growing up! I had his posters on my walls! This shatters my ideals of, uh, um, …

    There's a superhero named "Northstar"? Really? What does he do, listen with superhuman ears for the wails of tourists lost in the big city, kids lost in the woods, and drivers whose GPS has stranded them in a desert, and then drop from the sky to give them directions?

      1. James Michael Curley

        Around 2004 you could sell your Caddy El Dorado Northstar engine for more than any of the other same year Cadillacs.

      1. alteredimages

        And this is why my gay Canadian college roommate collected Alpha Flight comics. Well, also, the Canadian thing, but he was happy that there was at last an out gay superhero.

    1. BarackMyWorld

      His power is he moves super fast and can shoot a blinding light. His secret identity was a professional skier. He was one of the X-Men. I'm not kidding.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        And in one series that was later retconned, he was revealed to be an interdimensional fairy suffering from a deadly immune disease!

        Comics have a…checkered past with the lavender brotherhood.

  11. flamingpdog

    DC needz to create a new gay super character – Fischerman. But what would his super power be?

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Fischerman would also drive around schoolyards in the Fischermobile, an unmarked white van, handing out candy and trying to recruit a young, teen, sidekick with firm, yet hairless buttocks.

    2. GlowneyHouse

      Aquaman's significent other, obviously. First issue could have them out riding seahorses together.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        okay, what in the fuck. I just spent 10 minutes reading about George Tierney of Greeneville, South Carolina. And now I want to go there and show him "how the internet works" with fists. I WAS TRYING TO GO TO BED. Good lord. Well, anyway, thanks for the blood pressure spike. High five, nice new avatar, and of course, CUNTS.

        1. anniegetyerfun

          Sorry – he's my new obsession. I can't get enough of his stupidity. It's like crack.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I can totally see how that could happen. I am freaked the fuck out. He should get some intensive anger management counseling and then take a computer course, but not online. I bet he has a gun in the house and no dictionary. What a fucktard. Ah well, the more you know…..

          2. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            The less you want to. I, too, have been doing my best to gain new and exciting publicity for Mr. Tierney. He'll surely thank me SOME day. If not in THIS life.

        2. DerrickWildcat

          Do you think, George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina will ever clean the google of all mentions of George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina?

          1. FakaktaSouth

            I don't know, but I hear George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina has all the lawyers, so maybe we should ask George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina if George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina did in fact, find a lawyer to tell George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina he could make "me getting paid" happen.

            A toast, to George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina, from the dregs of this bottle of $10 Christian Audigier Ed Hardy wine someone left at my house (this is a real thing!) my only wish is that it had come in an actual douche-bag. Cheers!

          2. DerrickWildcat

            I sure hope, Sunland Staffing, also of Greenville South Carolina doesn't see what George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina said on the Internet. I would guess that Sunland Staffing of Greenville South Carolina wouldn't be too happy that their employee, George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina said those horrible things.

          3. ChapterUndVerse

            Sunland Staffing, of Greenville, South Carolina, is proud of its affirmative action policy with regard to the retention of George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina, meeting its quota of gynoophobic non-blah personnel without any superpowers whatsoevah. In fact, the Palmetto State is using this fine young man's outstanding performance to keep South Carolina's hopes alive in the race to the bottom it nearly lost to Louisiana's Mark Traina.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Okay, see, now this though? This is a thing I WOULD be willing to find out more about. Cause knowledge is power! And buttsechs with your eyes fully clothed? Amazing.

        1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          See, if I could figure out how to grant this superpower to Wonketteerz? Filthy, stinking rich, I'm tellin' ya, and in no time flat, too.

          OK, maybe only in Hobo Beans ™, because Wonketteerz ain't wealthy, but still.

  12. SexySmurf

    DC Comics will “turn” one of its major legacy superheroes gay in June

    How is that going to work? Is he going to get bitten by a radioactive Rentboy?

  13. Wile E. Quixote

    They'll probably just do something lame like make Aquaman gay and if they do, who cares, because it's fucking Aquaman.

  14. flamingpdog

    This morning Marvel announced that their big homosexual character, Northstar, will get gay married—interracially gay married!

    I guess it's finally time for Supergirl to marry Comet.

  15. Skullfry Buddha

    This fuckstick had the nerve to write this while at the same time Strifetime pimps Bristlecone for a reality show?

    No shame…no shame.

  16. Negropolis

    Yes, because one way to maintain and grow your customer base of young men is to introduce gay characters. Yeah, they are totally doing this cynically for the money. lol

  17. rocktonsam

    "very very gay" and "sexually deviant."

    new super hero! Captain Obvious!!

    cripes almighty

  18. FakaktaSouth

    Yo, can I still be sexually deviant if I am very, very straight? Or just bi-curious? Did the gays call all the deviance? Because I think this could be a thing I would like.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Since this is deviance as assessed by Brian Fischer, I think it will suffice to have had sex at least once in any position other than missionary, or with the lights on, to count as massively deviant.

      You sicko!

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Man, I need to raise my standards. I really think I could teach this Brian guy a thing or two. Oh wait eewwww. No, I mean, I could show him some videos?

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      You're a woman, by the standards of Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association and everyone who works at the Weakly Standard you're already a deviant and a degenerate slut just by the virtue of having two X chromosomes.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        Is it bad that that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day?
        but yeah, I think that's probably about right.

        1. George Spelvin

          Not only are you a double-X, but it appears that you may actually derive pleasure from one or more sex acts.

          Thatsa some spicy deviance.

        2. radio-of-owls

          Damn. I was all set to call you a depraved pervert and he beat me to the punch. Wish I wasn't so shy around flatitious hussies. :(

        3. Wile E. Quixote

          Can I also point out that you make fun of "authority" figures like Bryan Fischer and refuse to take them seriously and that you have no respect for the traditions of American Conservatism.

    3. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Oh hell no. Deviance is where one finds it, and some people find it more than others.

      I love deviance and will defend my and your right to practice such.

    4. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      LGBTQQ — includes Queer and Questioning, sweetheart. After all, you don't really know how you'll feel about daisy chaining with fifteen other women/men/both until you've TRIED it at least once, right?

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        It seems to me that you'd have to try it at least n times where n is the number of possible combinations of naughty bits. Do I have the math right?

        1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          I like this math of yours. It's more to my taste than attempting to figure out Obama's SAT scores by dividing the number of SAT takers by the available configurations of constellations.

          Where can I subscribe, or learn more? I would like two copies of your newsletter.

      2. FakaktaSouth

        "How do you knooooooow you don't like it if you won't tryyyyyyy it?"

        Exactly. It's just common sense. Like I was always told, you don't have to eat everything but you have to at least taste it, you might love it!

  19. Skullfry Buddha

    DC Comics is using gays for, get this, marketing purposes

    Well duh fucking duh. Given that rightwingnuts everywhere are losing their ever loving minds over what consenting adults do in their bedrooms, DC is just…(wait for it)

    Exploiting Chaos

  20. Wile E. Quixote

    Northstar wasn't the first gay Marvel character, the Human Torch has been flaming for years. Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Try the chicken.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        Geek point of order. I said "Marvel" character. Flaming Carrot was published by Aardvark-Vanaheim.

  21. Skullfry Buddha

    Hey…DC should do a comic about a dude who's a straitlaced US Senator by day, but is a toe tapping closeted hypocrite by night.

    We can call him Larry Craigman.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      There are about 30 others who are auditioning for the part. They all seem to know their lines already.

  22. Skullfry Buddha

    I'm sorry…but comics have been dead to me ever since they took The Tick off the air.

    1. alteredimages

      I do hope you mean the cartoon and not the pale imitation live action show that had one thing going for it (Liz Vassey). Well, two, if you count the casting of Patrick Warburton. The only man physically right for the role. But that show stank on ice.

  23. Wile E. Quixote

    I keep hoping that Marvel will make Reed Richards, a.k.a. Mr. Fantastic gay, or at least draw a couple of panels where he stretches out his dick and blows himself. Hey, fuck you. Don't you look at me that way, I know that you've thought about it too.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        There's something about Mister Fantastic doing it that makes it more transgressive. Especially if Invisible Woman was invisible and secretly watching him and fapping herself silly.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      As played by Ioan Gruffudd, he was TOTALLY gay, but that is just what happens when CERTAIN British/Irish actors attempt an American accent (see also: Jamie Bamber, Colin Farrell).

  24. johnnyzhivago

    BTW, if you've never seen the "Justice Friends" cartoons – which used to air with Dexter's Laboratory (my kids are teens now and these are the shows I used to watch with them) – go google them.

    They are hillariously funny and make a mockery of all the hyper testosterone heros you know and love….

    1. alteredimages

      Of course not, he was secretly a nerdy kid who couldn't get chicks! He got his powers from the internet, which as we know is made for porn. It makes perfect sense now.

  25. PsycWench

    Well, it's good that the characters are getting gay married. Because if there is anything that the comic book demographic is totally into, it's marriage.

    1. Buckminster

      It's the closest many who follow the book demo are going to get to close physical companionship. Oh, Sheldon?

  26. shortsandpants

    Unlike SNL's Ambiguously Gay Duo, there is nothing "ambiguous" about Robin's preference. It's more of a "Painfully Obvious OH MY GOD HOW DEEP AND DARK IS THAT CLOSET" duo.

  27. V572 Is this him?

    Superman, on the other hand, was NOT GAY. He didn't put it to Lois because he was shy, like any respectable superhero. Plus Perry White was always screaming at him. He only had a Fortress of Solitude because he liked to be alone sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. Sometimes he did have to duck into the closet, but NOT BECAUSE HE WAS GAY.

    Also not gay:

    "My Three Sons."
    "Bachelor Father"
    "Bonanza"
    "The Bob Cummings Show"
    "Fury"
    "Maverick"
    "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger" (heh heh)
    "Tom Corbett, Space Cadet" (ha ha!)

    Totally gay: "Father Knows Best"

    1. BarackMyWorld

      But can you explain why Clark and Jimmy Olsen were eating breakfast together in those old cereal commercials?

  28. tessiee

    Only funny episode of "The Ambiguously Gay Duo":
    Sidekick: I'm pretty sure they're gay.
    Supervillian: Look, I don't… [aside, to the Ambiguously Gay Duo] Do you mind? We're *trying* to have a conversation here!
    Ambiguously Gay Duo: Oh, sorry.
    *stops tying up Supervillain and Sidekick*
    Supervillian: Look, I don't have a *problem* with it, I just don't *see* it!

  29. NYNYNYjr

    Action comics. I'm going to go out and buy the latest issue of Action Comics and read it while I have an egg cream, and then go vote for Warren G Harding.

    1. alteredimages

      Now to be fair, there was a war on, and there was rationing, and, erm, a shortage of… beds. And… blankets? Maybe? I got nothing.

  30. vulpes82

    This thread proves once again, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are all a bunch of NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      They mostly just look at the pictures.

      The pictures of sweaty, muscled men in tight, form-fitting spandex.

  31. MarionNYNY

    Uh dudes, hey, Wonder Woman — raised on an all woman magical island, called PARADISE ISLAND. Never saw a man till she was 1200 years old or something (I think they're all immortal).

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Actually when DC rebooted Wonder Woman in the 1980s with Perez and Wolfman this was hinted at at one point.

  32. ifthethunderdontgetya

    Same old, same old.

    In the late 1940's and the early 1950's, Dr. Frederic Wertham was touring the country blaming comic books for the 'moral decline' of that eras youth. He claimed that Batman and Robin were a 'homosexual fantasy,' that women were always victims with large breasts, and that horror comics lead children to commit murder. But wait… He said that women were always victims. What about Wonder Woman?

    Well, he said that she had to be a lesbian.

        1. Callyson

          Tried to quit drinking earlier this year, then read the news and said "Capital WTF?!?"

          Am hoping for 2013…

  33. Wile E. Quixote

    Totally on topic but was casting Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark in the Iron Man franchise a brilliant bit of casting or what?

  34. fitley

    The issue where the gay super-heroes thrash the pedophile gang of priests is really going to get Teabungers doing the St.Vitas dance.

  35. SayItWithWookies

    Oh, the Weekly Standard (also Jonah Goldberg's euphemism for his bowel movement) is up in arms over a comic book having a gay character? Heh heh — who wants to tell them about the army?

  36. mcrummett

    The Right couldn't "changes its strategy to widen its demographic appeal" if it's life depended on it. Oh, wait! It does! Yea!

  37. Wile E. Quixote

    Am I the only person who ever wonders if there is an alternate universe located far, far away in the realms of probability where Touko Laaksonen, a.k.a Tom of Finland came to the United States in the early 1960s and became part of the Marvel bullpen along with Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko and John Romita? I'm telling you, drawing all of the Avengers like this with big old porno staches would be awesome, especially with a bunch of Kirby Krackle in the background.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        OK, so now that I mention it am I the only person who thinks that that would actually be a pretty freakin' cool alternate universe located far, far away in the realms of probability? Plus if Tom of Finland had been drawing for Marvel there wouldn't have been any of that nonsense where Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk and all of his clothes are torn off except for his pants, which not only transform with him but also remain on, regardless of how much he exerts himself or how much damage he takes (which, when you think about it is every bit as ridiculous as the idea that exposure to massive quantities of gamma radiation would do anything other than kill you very quickly). No, Tom of Finland would have shown us the Hulk in all of his hot, green, turgidly raging glory, and we'd be all the better for it.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Haha. I'm straight and I know it (I tried the forbidden), but even I can see the raw sexuality in Tom of Finland.

      Can you imagine the evangelical meltdown if that became mainstream? I would love to see that.

  38. Wile E. Quixote

    I can just see the re-imagined origin of the Batman from Detective Comics #33.

    INT NIGHT – BRUCE WAYNE'S STUDY
    Bruce Wayne is dressed in a rather fabulous dressing gown which nicely accentuates his pecs, abs and package. HIs study is tastefully decorated.

    WAYNE:
    Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly and homophobic lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible, wearing a costume made of kevlar, black leather and neoprene that will accentuate my abs, pecs and glutes and draw the eye to my package, but tastefully, always tastefully.

    As if in answer a huge bat flies in the open window!

    WAYNE:
    A bat! That's it! It's an omen. I shall become a bat. And then I'll run around Gotham City at night fucking criminals in the ass, because if anything will strike terror into a criminal's heart it's being jumped in a dark alley by some crazy guy dressed up as a flying, nocturnal rodent and fucked in the ass!

  39. SaintRond

    This guy has spent his whole life wanting to be fucked while being unable to find anyone deranged enough to do it for him.

    Of course he's pissed off.

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I think the Comedian from Watchmen. But he was a rapey pathological sociopath, so probably not a very good role model.

  40. a_pink_poodle

    And drunk, minority, homosexuals. (I’m kidding—but only about the alcoholism.)

    Oh no, now the minorities are ruining comic books too?! We should put them behind the electric fence with the gays too and in a few years they'll "die off" too. WINKWINK

  41. BombyMcGee

    "DC was going to the diversity woodshed."

    Doesn't "going to the woodshed" mean punishing someone for something?

    Idiom fail.

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