Look at this fucking idiotGhost Andrew Breitbart never sleeps, there is too much VETTENING to be done! The latest, it will knock you out of your bobby sox, cats and kittens! But what is it? What VETTENING could keep spreading and growing, like the brain holes you get from syphilis? Oh, only THIS (prepaaaare yourselves!):

President Barack Obama is hailed by his supporters and the mainstream media as one of the most brilliant men ever to hold the office. However, his refusal to release his academic records, his admitted deficiencies as a student, and his frequent factual errors–even in his chosen field of constitutional law–have cast doubt upon his supposed genius. Now, Breitbart News has established that Obama’s grades and Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) scores may have been even lower than those of his supposedly less capable predecessor, George W. Bush.

May it, Ghost Andrew Breitbart? May it really? Well, as we all know, the fact that some people think it may proves how despereate the White House is, ergo Obama is tarded. But let us look at your evidence, together!

Among accepted transfer students [in Bamz’s Columbia transfer class], the average combined math and verbal score on the Scholastic Aptitude Test is a 1,100 and their grade-point average at their former schools is about 3.0, Boatti said.

The freshman class at the College had a combined SAT score more than 100 points higher.

Only 450 students applied to transfer to Columbia in 1981 and sixty-seven were admitted, according to the Columbia Spectator, compared to 650 applicants just four years before.

If Obama’s SAT scores were near the average of the transfer students entering Columbia in the fall of 1981, he would have scored significantly lower than George W. Bush, whose combined math and verbal scores were 1206 out of a possible 1600 points (as revealed by the New Yorker in 1999).

Anti-reasoning! It is all the rage, at — haha, and Breitbart’s EDITOR “contributed” to this Bam Grenade. Journalism. What is it? There is no way we will ever know. [Breitbart]

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  • Barb

    The only thing George W Bush got on his SAT test was drool.

  • nounverb911

    Isn't "may" different from "was"? That was an SAT question when I took them. (BTW, I beat Bush too) Also.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      That's a pretty low bar you've set for yourself, nounverb.

    • yrbmegr

      Also, it seems every data point in a population is not "average"! Who knew?

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        That was also the year Columbia starting recruiting the OU football players who failed drug tests.

  • honestly, get ghostbusters on the phone

  • JudasPeckerwood

    Ghost Andrew Breitbart is spinning in his grave. Though to be fair, it's probably from all the residual coke.

    • The Devil hasn't decided which hole to fuck yet

      • nounverb911

        All of them, Katie.

      • not that Radio

        He may never decide. That will be Andrew's eternal torment.

      • Fare la Volpe

        He got a pitchfork, don't he? Make some new ones.

    • WunkRocker

      Or that ghost vibrating butt plug.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Not exactly spinning … it's more like a slow rotation.

  • mrpuma2u

    Will this revelation resignate with the uhmerikun peeplz?

  • Lucidamente1
    • anniegetyerfun

      A classic.

  • johnnymeatworth

    So the guy that GW paid to take his SAT test is smarter than the President? Why doesn't the GOP draft him to be Romney's VP candidate?

    • nounverb911

      Shhhh don't tell anyone, he's not an Xtian.

    • WunkRocker

      Oh he could be Ghost Romnoid!

    • Because Scarah Pain is putting pressure on RMONEY to get Allen West for Veep. Now hush up and don't spoil the party. It's gonna be fireworks when West accepts.

  • Oh dear. They, um, do understand that, um, Obama might have been, you know, significantly higher than average, as might be borne out by the, um, fact he was, uh, accepted at Harvard Law and further evidenced by the, uh, fact, HE EDITED THE FUCKING LAW REVIEW?????

    • FraAnima

      Logic – pffft! You has no power over me.

    • Beowoof

      As if anyone at Brietbart has ever heard of Law Review let alone understand how difficult it is to join and become president of; the biggest competition they follow is Dancing with the has beens and voting for overweight single teen moms.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      That was an Affirmative Action position. All his editing was done by a team consisting of Bill Ayres, George Soros, and a number of Magic Lawyer Elves. One of the latter even released a video pleading to be released from captivity.

      • finallyhappy

        And Saul Alinsky even though Saul died when BHO was 10 years old

      • Judith_Priest

        That was horrible. Damn you. Why am I still laughing?

    • Ruhe

      Which means of course that every week he had to go toe to toe and brain to brain with John Houseman! Get one question wrong and you are dead…literally dead to him. Obama survived that and for what? So that he could be pecked to death by a bunch of brainless chickens.

      • Lascauxcaveman


      • yrbmegr

        So that he could hold the one single office in the entire country held by a Democrat next February.

    • Studebaker Hawk

      The average Columbia transfer never became president of the Harvard Law Review, ergo, Obama was never president of the law review.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      yeah, but he was BLACK and in Harvard/on Law Review. Therefore, he must have only been there because he was BLACK. He was just taking the spot of 50 much smarter little white kids.

    • La la la la la they can't heeear you.

    • CindynEncinitas

      I worked for a total fucktard who was editor of his law review, so, whatever.

      • Becoming Editor of the Harvard Law Review doesn't make you a nice person.

  • Ruhe

    I think they're confusing Mode and Mean in their analysis. Totally understandable though. That stuff's for smart people.

    • Clearly, they misheard Keillor. They think everyone is average.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, at least this stupid motherfucker hasn't got us into any endless wars in Southwest Asia.

    • Terry

      …and his VP isn't a man who scares Satan himself.

  • freakishlywrong

    Aww fuck. Breitbart is here.

    • Last time, we had to lure him away with a case of schnapps.

      • el_donaldo

        If anyone comes down with a case of schnapps, I think I might have a cure.

      • Judith_Priest

        Clanking his chains and forever bellowing, sepulchrally, "BeHAAAAVE yourselves, you FIIIILTHY MURDERING FREEEEEEEAKS!"

        Oh, man.
        What sweet justice.
        Doomed to roam the earth forever, shrieking silly shit.

  • Native_of_SL_UT

    AND if Mark Zuckerman went into a homeless shelter, all the people in the shelters average income would be millions. They'd all be millionaires, I tell ya.

    • Exhausted66

      But homeless people don't want to be millionaires because then they wouldn't get handouts from the gubment.

  • coolhandnuke

    Breitbart's BAC (Blood Alcohol Content) exceeded his GPA by a wide margin.

  • MissTaken

    W beat my SAT score by 16 points. If anyone needs me for the next two hours I'll be crying in the corner.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      There, there. Maybe you were PMSing when you took your SAT, or something.

      • Right, her monthly infection. A smart man told me that women get a monthly infection, which is why men chase giraffes

        Presumably, giraffes do not get infections. Never having fucked a giraffe, i couldn't tell you, but I know a few women I'd steer clear of from now on

    • There there, you're not dumb. You'll always be special to us

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Just remember, you have better tits than W.

      • elviouslyqueer

        No doubt, though W's still got a lock on being the bigger tit.

    • Skullfry Buddha

      It's not so much the intelligence…it's what you do with it. In your case, you have chosen to lead a normal life, love the folks around you, and successfully avoid being a douchebag.

      You could have destroyed foreign countries as well as your own.

      By choosing well, you automatically get 500 bonus points.

    • Chichikovovich

      Yet more evidence that the SAT is no better at detecting intelligence than a sack of rotting potato peels.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        True dat. Or even academic performance. I was always in the mid-nineties percentile-wise, and it was like "How come you're not bringing home the 4.0 report cards like your sisters?"

        • CindynEncinitas

          Oh here we go, right? You could have been a brain surgeon but all you want to do is get stoned and go to the beach. Man!

      • V572 Is this him?

        IQ tests and the SATs attempt to separate intelligence from achievement, a meme that's near and dear to the identifies and self esteem of people who inherit a lot of money without doing anything. They need a paradigm that justifies this inequity, and the old "noble blood" scam stopped working in most places a century or two ago. The House of Lords is still holding onto it, though.

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      I'm comforting myself, who also scored lower, with the belief that

      (a) the SAT doesn't mean a thing; and/or
      (b) W more than likely paid someone else to take it for him (which makes w pretty damn stupid if he paid someone to get a mere 1206) and
      (c) w could even get into law school, so I'm guessing I beat him on the LSAT.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      No, the person who W hired to take his SATs beat your score by 16 points.

    • anniegetyerfun

      Oh, hell, I did even worse. Tests are NOT my thing. Actually, I would argue that I'm about as smart as Bush is – the difference is that I don't have the hubris to try to run for public office, because I know my limitations (they are many).

      • finallyhappy

        me too- the first being I don't have millions and millions of dollars to run a campaign.

    • Chichikovovich

      Don't be so disheartened, you could be smarter than W. It may well be that the average SAT of your entering college freshman class was above 1206.

    • MissNancyPriss

      No WAY he got those scores. Cheer up! We all know W was coked out of his freaking mind when he took his SATs.

    • Don't worry your pretty little head about head about it. What do you need SAT scores for? Your place is in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot. Now go make me a sammich, bring me a beer, and turn on the football game.

      • Hey! That's MY line! (looks over at sleeping spouse) For now, anyway.

  • freakishlywrong

    And yet somehow they get away with hurling the "character assassination" whinge if someone questions their ACTUAL careers.

  • Antispandex

    The efforts of the right wing in this country to prove that someone, ANYONE, is dumber than Dubya, are doomed to failure….until the next Bush runs, of course.

    • Chichikovovich

      Not true. That is why they put Rick Perry in front of the world. Mission Accomplished.

    • V572 Is this him?

      No, wait, Jeb's "the smart one."

      Wouldn't it be hysterical if the American people fall for that?

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    And when Bill Gates walks into a bar, everyone's average income is several hundred million dollars, so we should lower all tax rates to 2%.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If Bush is that fucking smart, he should get a Lifetime Achievement Oscar for acting like a total fucking idiot all these years and no one catching on.

  • There's a very good chance that my SAT scores are higher than any recent president, and I won't cut Social Security or blow up little foreign kids for corporate profits.

    ittdgy™³²®© for preznit!!!

  • Baconzgood

    That is a nightmare of a word problem.

    • Skullfry Buddha

      The Briebart personal library contains 3 varieties of books: conspiracy theories, agitprop, and romances. There are a total of 150 books. There are 3 times as many conspiracy theories as agitprop and twice as many romance as agitprop. How many of each variety are there?

      Did you remember to carry the gay porn? If so, how retarded are Briebart's fans?

      • emmelemm

        This actually makes me want to get out a pencil and paper…

        • I was working it out in my head, till I got to "cArry the gay porn," and then I got distracted …

      • trondant

        You left out the coloring books.

        • Skullfry Buddha

          No I didn't. The gay porn…duh!

      • OldWhiteLies

        I GOT IT! I GOT IT!

        75 Conspiracy theory books;
        50 Romance;
        25 Agitprop.

        Wait, what was that about the gay porn … ?

  • edgydrifter

    Fucking zombie Breitbart–what does it take to keep him in the ground?

    • HempDogbane

      He seems to be doing some of his best work dead. Maybe should dig him up, modify a Cheney recipe.

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Pissing on his grave?

      • Wait till my fire goes out. Don't want him to resurrect, or anything.

      • 1stNewtontheMoon

        I will continue trying 'til it works. Shooters shoot when they're hot and, if they're not hot, shoot until they are.

    • A stake of ash wood, six pounds of garlic, a hammer, a barrel of jellied napalm, a lighter …

      • Couldn't you just buy some molotov cocktails from the cops?

        • They don't seem to hang out with the likes of me, girl. Must be too old and respectable-looking. Need to grow a mullet with a feather braid, get some tats and a pierce …

    • OhNoGuy

      Drive a Slim Jim in his heart.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Breitbart may have been a sulpher and methane based protoplasm, which would explain why his logic stunk like a half-burned elephant fart.

  • memzilla

    Wonkette News has established that Breitbart’s credibility and Ethical Aptitude Test (EAT) scores may have been even lower than those of his supposedly less capable predecessor, yellow journalism pioneer William Randolph Hearst.

    Both still dead, also, too.

  • Baconzgood

    Is that the best you got? He might be morest stupider than our guy?


  • Ruhe

    "So, Mr. President, with the entry-class average being 1,100 isn't it safe to assume that your SAT score was near 1,100 and therefore lower than former President Bush's score?"
    "Well, no. You see that was the average score. My own score was significantly…"
    "So you're saying that you're smarter than most people? Is that right Mr. Obama? Are you smarter than the average American?"


  • Ah, Breit-brats. A perfect blend of desperation and dull.

  • MissTaken

    The average demographic of my workplace is 26, Asian, and male. Yup, that describes me exactly!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hey, that makes me a cranky right-wing old fart in my 50s or 60s who bitches about the government while taking that sweet sweet goverment pay.

      • V572 Is this him?

        Dear Baldar:

        The only thing worse than that would be a defense contractor who bitches about defense spending.

        Retired defense contractor

    • mausgeo

      And on average, every person on earth has one testicle and one ovary. On average.

    • Fare la Volpe

      My youngest coworker is pushing 60. Clearly I'm going to be ready for retirement in just a few years — and so soon out of college too!

    • horsedreamer_1

      Turning Japanese does not make you Asian.

  • SorosBot

    Shorter Ghost Breitbart: liberals say Obama is smart, but he can't be 'cause he's a BLACKITY BLACK MAN ARGGGH!

    • That's *really* what it is. And know what's bothering them MOST of all? Why there's so many snipy comments about his arrogance and uppityness and "better-than-thou" superiority? It's because Barack Hussein Obama was the son of a FREE black man. No one in his family was ever a slave. And he inherited that FINE intellect of his from his BLACK AFRICAN father, who was also a brilliant, if dissolute, man.

      White men in this country like to point to those "one-drop" so-called "black" men, their children, fathered by their own fathers upon those slave women brought here to be exploited and oppressed. They don't mind praising THOSE black men as fine intellects, because the assumption — theirs, and everyone else's — is that THOSE black men inherited their intellect from their white fathers. (Anything NEGATIVE about them is, of course, attributed to their black African slave MOTHERS). Barack Hussain Obama is not beholden to these white men or to their white fathers. And that makes them resent him with a fiery passion. He (figuratively, at least) comes to THEIR country, sleeps with THEIR women, attends THEIR schools, and beats THEIR candidates to become president of THEIR country. And boy does this bug the fuck out of them.

  • coolhandnuke

    Lots of fuzzy math in this one.

  • Barb

    I hear that Breitbart is going to show up at the convention in Tampa. You'll recognize him as the guy who is dressed in head to toe mahogany.

    • ThundercatHo

      Mahogany for that turd? They should have just put him in a large, brown paper sack with the top scrunched up around his neck.

      • Oh, you know you SO don't want to see that face. Especially now.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      I think you just described the expected uniform for the average tea partier circa Aug. 2012. (becuz they're oldz.)

  • Callyson

    You know who else's SAT scores were near the average of the transfer students entering Columbia in the fall of 1981?

    • coolhandnuke

      Tony Montana?

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Tony Soprano?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq


    • Ruhe

      All of them Katie?

    • horsedreamer_1

      Time traveling Meadow Soprano?

  • veritass

    See also — "Averages: What the Fuck are They, Anyway?"

  • Baconzgood

    This rock keeps tigers away.

    • Remarkably effective, innit?

      • Baconzgood

        I had a Forenics class once and the prof. Would debate on abstract ideas on ethics and religion. He called it the "Homer Simpson Logic" (in regards to the rock keeping away the tigers) and debated a devout Morman for 15 min. The Morman took the "Homer simpson Logic" argument about how the rock keeps away the tigers. Dr. A ***** DESTROYED HIM AND HE WALKED OUT OF THE DEBATE WITH HIS FAITH SHAKEN TO THE CORE. It was pretty cool.

        • I heard this joke when I was but a sprout, about an Asian man who took the train from BritishTown1 to BritishTown2. Every day he would get on the train at the same time, open his morning edition of the Times, and read until right before his station. Then he would tear the Times into tiny bits and scatter them out the door right before debarking. One day the gentleman across from him asked why he did this every single day. "To keep the tigers away," said the Asian man. "This is Great Britain," replied the Englishman. "There are no tigers here."

          "Remarkably effective, innit?"

          I think it was one of the first jokes I remembered that wasn't totally lame.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "If Obama’s SAT scores were…, then…"

    If my aunt had testicle balls, then she'd be my uncle.

  • SorosBot

    Hey, I beat W on the SATs by 296 points; that's good to know. And that was before they started curving it (in fact mine was the last year before they did).

    • Dude, your girlfriend is upset because she lost to Bush. Don't rub her nose in it.

      • MissTaken

        Thank you.

        • It's OK. I know the feeling, I only scored a 1370.

          OK, I lied a little. It was really over 1500 but I didn't want to hurt Soros' feelings

        • Does it help that I was too hungover to show up for the test?

      • Thank you. I was gonna warn the boy.

    • MissTaken

      Whatever, Mr. SmartyPants. At least I didn't go to school with Tucker Max.

  • WhatTheHolyHeck

    O found the presidency of Harvard Law Review in a box of Cracker Jacks. True story.

  • Beowoof

    There they go again, creating their own reality and the facts needed to support their view. I think at this point even Bill Buckley would be saying, "shut the fuck up."

  • Here's an even BIGGER revelation:

    95% of the Columbia transfer students are right handed. Which means there is a 95% chance Obama is a big FAT LIAR – and is not actually a lefty.

    • V572 Is this him?

      He might not even be black, on the average.

      • WIDTAP

        His ear are onky average size, on average.

  • CarnyTrash

    Yeah, so the the methods are shaky at best but let's not forget Obama is a negro.

  • IncenseDebate

    If someone is tarded again and again what does that make George Bush?

  • Fairtackle

    Andrew Breitbart may have had hot secks with farm animals. 1 in 4000 people has hot secks with farm animals (not really), Andrew Breitbart was one person therefore… Bam! math.

    prove he didn't.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Farm animals, on average, have higher standards than that.

      • Fairtackle

        Hmmm, good point. Roofies?

  • mormos


    • OldWhiteLies

      Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria …

    • Jus_Wonderin

      "Capt'n, I canna give you more power or I'll have to drain it from the containment system and…that'll take two weeks."

      • MosesInvests

        You've got four hours, Scotty.

  • Estproph

    I'm trying really hard to understand this, but I'm not having any success. Let me break it down to see if I have it, OK?

    1) Average score SAT 1100 for transfers
    2) Average score SAT 1200+ for freshmen
    3) 450 applied to transfer, 67 admitted
    4) 650 applied to transfer 4 years earlier
    5) IF Obama had an average score for 1), then he isn't as smart as Bush.


    • Because shut up, that's how.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Because Obama is… wait for it… black. Duh.

      • finallyhappy

        really, how does anyone forget that? that is what this is about- because seriously hardly anyone is dumber than George Bush-

  • mookwrthwilson

    Can you even get a 1206 on the SAT? I thought they were in multiples of 10???

    • carlgt1

      I was just going to post that – I've never heard of an SAT score that wasn't a multiple of 10. Perhaps they made a mistake and meant to report that Dumbya Bush had a score in the single digits?

      • finallyhappy

        I had a score ending with a 5(and a lot higher than Bush)

        • 1stNewtontheMoon

          Because, Bush's campaign said he scored a 1206. See, it's true. That's just Journalizms 101. Press Secretary speaks. Press writes it down. Press reports it. As Colbert put it: Make, Announce, Type. Run it through a spell check and go home.

          Just like when they said he wasn't a deserter. Totally true (if you believe it). Or when they said he got into Harvard Business School with no help from his daddy (remember they didn't say he didn't get help from his mommy) after getting rejected from Texas law school. Also, totally true. Or when they said Iraq had WMD. also, totally true.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, if he's a dummy, he's still smart enough to pull one over on the rest of us. "Yeah, I'm smaht. Maybe not book-smaht, but I'm smaht."

  • By this logic, I'm at least 280 points awesomer a president than either Bush or hypothetical not-Obama.

    Which is to say, this logic is clearly ironclad.

    • Well, it's "clad," fersure, but I'm'a hold back a bit on iron. I suspect something a little, eh, riper.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Sorry Becks, but I stopped reading the Breitbart callout after the word "If," because I knew that anything following was going to be nothing but a large steaming pile of poorly reasoned bullshit.

  • friendlyskies

    Zombie Breitbart obviously didn't do too well on the mathematics portion of the test. Luckily, that counts less than creative bullshittery in today's media.

  • On average, Andrew Brietbart was significantly drunker than any of the undergrads at Columbia, also.

    • emmelemm

      Um… I'm not sure that's true.

      (Former Columbia undergrad – a long time ago {sob})

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Breitbart's Demon Possessed Body should have dug deeper: the average score in 1981 was 994. And who says Obama was on the upper end of that? He probably barely got above 800. What an idiot.

  • aguacatero

    This proves Obama's not a snob – We win!

  • ElPinche

    We had birthers. What are these r33tards now? Diplomers?
    Besides, why do they care? I thought RWers hated higher education and elitist tests for indoctrination.

    • George Spelvin


  • GortRay

    Breitbart – the asshole that just keeps on assholing! Also, I am very happy to be proven way smarter than W the Smirking Chimp.

  • elburritodeluxe

    Not only that, but most of those transfer students were white. So Obama, whose supporters hail as the first "black" president, may actually be white!

    • Well, everybody KNOWS that CLINTON was the First Blah Prezdun't. So, obvs, O-Bam-Bam is WHAAAAA.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Probably close to 50% of the transfers to Columbia in 1981 were women.

    Dear God, did no one vet Obama before he ran for President? Is it possible that he may be a closet women?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      We know for a fact that his mother was a woman so therefore, according to the math whizzes over at Big Government, he must be a hermaphrodite.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        But do we know that as a fact? Back when Obama was born, half the people in a marriage were men. Is it possible that Obama's mother was in fact a man?

  • Do you know what else might have happened? Breitbart's ghost might be spending too much time getting stoned in hell. It could be true. Then again, maybe not. what difference does it make really.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    In fairness to Obama, George W. Bush had Dick Cheney take his SAT's for him.

    • Dick Cheney who had to drop out of college after taking two deferments to keep his flabby lazy ass out of VN? THAT Dick Cheney? That scholastic achievatron?

    • And he just shot the proctor in the face.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This reminds of the one about the three statisticians who go duck hunting. They're sitting there in their blind when a duck flies by. The first statistician raises his shotgun, takes aim and fires — and misses high. The second statistician then shoulders his gun, aims and fires — and misses low. Whereupon the third statistician exclaims, "We got him!"

  • Let's parse this piece of shit: Hopey transferred into Columbia with 66 other students. Their average GPA's were around B level and their combined SAT math and verbal scores were around 1100. There. All done.

    BUT! If Hopey's combined verbal and math SAT scores were 1500, he scored significantly higher than George W Bush, therefore we have proof positive that Obama is a genius and Bush is a moron.

  • LetUsBray

    Of course, that was Cowboy Caligula's score before he soaked his brain in booze and coke, followed by idiot religion and wingnut propaganda. Would he manage to get triple digits now?

    • commiegirl

      I soaked my brain in a ton of booze before I went back to grad school, and i fucking CRUSHED the whatever it was grad school test (what was it called? it was last year), so … yeah, okay.

  • He was turned down from the University of Texas, so I'm thinking it's unlikely his scores were higher than Obama.

  • Guppy

    1270, motherfuckers!

    Would you like fries with that?

    • finallyhappy

      740 verbal, 625 math. Chopping vegetables as we "speak"

  • Allmighty_Manos

    "May have been" are the three greatest words in investigative journalism. Andrew Brietbart may have been fucking a sabre-tooth tiger when he died. Instant story.

    • Goes without saying that it would be irresponsible not to speculate.

      • prommie

        "Some people think," or even better, "Increasing numbers of people believe", these are good, too. "Increasing numbers of people are speculating that Andrew Breitbart might have been fellating a donkey when he choked on its semen load and died."

  • owhatever

    Would it be fair, then, to consider that Obama was at the very bottom of the chart, since averages include 50 percent below average? And Bush could have been at the very top, and could have done even better if he had not been knee-walking drunk on test day. Obama was only admitted because of his name and the political clout of his family.

  • Game changer! Inpeach! Worse than Hitler! Etc. and so forth!

  • BZ1

    What is with that guy, I thought he was dead and buried!!

  • If Obama were currently applying to college, his SAT scores would be relevant to something. As he's had a few years of job experience as THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED FUCKING STATES, I'm thinking that SAT scores are something that have no relevancy here. And if they're going to focus on averaged SAT scores, the only thing relevant here is that Breitbart (still fucking dead) is not only brighter than his worshipers, but as a decomposing collection of nutrients, coke and santorum, more useful than the all the fuckwits at combined.

    p.s.– When were we supposed to start hailing Pres. Obama's intellect? I was thankful that he didn't sound anywhere as stupid as the last person to hold the office, but must have missed the hailing memo. Would someone please make sure I get a copy next time? I hate missing out on things.

  • ingloriousbytch

    Breitbart's death is the gift that keeps on giving. In that, I'm more grateful everyday that he's dead.

    • timbo71351

      His wife and kids probably agree with you. I get the impression he wasn't much of a husband or father. God knows he wasn't much of a human. But he was without peer as a rage monkey!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Well, Bush may be smarter, but he leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to the cool.

    Who's the black presi-dent
    That's a sex machine to all the chicks?
    You're damn right

    Who is the man
    That would risk his neck for his brother man?
    Can ya dig it?

    Who's the cat that won't cop out
    When there's danger all about
    Right on

    You see this cat Bamz is a bad mother–
    (Shut your mouth)
    But I'm talkin' about Bamz
    (Then we can dig it)

    He's a complicated man
    But no one understands him but his woman
    (Prez Bamz)

  • Obama is tarded.


  • metamarcisf

    I got 1240. What do I win?

  • JustPixelz

    "If Obama’s SAT scores were near the average…"

    And if your aunt had balls, she'd be your uncle.

  • kissawookiee

    1420, bitchez. GRE was the same on math and verbal, with the analytical section splitting the difference. If only I could have gotten a doctorate in standardized testing, I could be ruling the world right now.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Yeah, no shit. I'm a test-taking machine. Passed the Foreign Service Exam on my first try while still a college freshman. My GRE scores were good enough to get into MENSA. But who the fuck would want to? Went to one meeting and it was a bunch of geeks sitting around playing brain-teaser games. Where's the booze and broads? Plus, who's going to want to hire someone who is dick enough to put that they're in MENSA on their resume?

    • Fare la Volpe


      I earned more points than you could even possibly score. BOO YAH, GRANDPA.

      • finallyhappy

        oh, the new test! I had to take my SATs in the snow barefoot in 1969

    • 1480 SATs, 1450 GRE. I'm lazy as a stump, but clearly I should be King of America already.

    • finallyhappy

      1420- you are smarter than me but I am retired and I bet you are still working- ha!

  • Wile E. Quixote

    So Bush had a 1206 on his SATs. Since I scored over 1300 on mine, and since I spent more time in the National Guard than Bush did (and not in the pussy "Air" National Guard either) and since when I took the pilot's exam to try to become a helicopter pilot I scored higher than Bush did (although not high enough to qualify to be a helicopter pilot) does this mean that I'm qualified to be a Republican presidential candidate? Oh, I'm also white, not that that matters or anything

    • Fare la Volpe

      Long as you got a dick between your legs, and a college building with your surname, you're good to go!

      • Wile E. Quixote

        You forgot about having five Supreme Court justices in your pocket too.

  • MosesInvests

    Contrary to popular belief, Caesar Arbustus Dubious isn't unintelligent. He's a lazy, entitled rich boy who never had to work at anything because of his last name. His dumbassery comes from the fact that he doesn't *bother* to think, not because he's somehow incapable. And he's pickled his brain with booze and blow, also, too.

    • I don't think anyone accused of him of being *unintelligent,* just *uninterested.*

      Ya have to look like ya give a shit about the peasants and their problems. Bush did good on the looking like he give a shit about the peasants part. Their problems, well, he couldn't even be bothered to find out what those were, and that was pretty obvious.

      He sure could give Mitt some lessons in acting like he give a fuck, tho.

      • Oblios_Cap

        I always thought he was just a dumbass. Thanks ofr the sobering analysis. I guess he was just pretending to have trouble communicating coherent thoughts.

        • I don't believe G.W. Bush has ever *had* a thought in his entire life. As in, you know, engendered a concept and thought it through to its logical conclusion. I think, like much of our own electronic generation, Bush's mental activity consists of impressions of the world around him intermixed with fleeting feelings about his own bodily/material situation. He's not stupid, but he's not in the habit of thinking. He can't communicate coherent thoughts because he doesn't have any. That's why he starts off sentences that seem to finish by accident. He has never inculcated the habit of building thoughts, block by logically tested block, into actual ideas.

  • arduinohacker

    I did a consulting gig with the ex-prez of the SAT. Fella couldn't empty the piss out of his boot if the instructions were written on the heel, in 18pt Comic Sans. This must prove something bad about 'bammers too, also!

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I dont' really remember my SAT scores. Honestly, it was more than 30 years ago so there is that. Anyway, in my career SAT's are not the primary need on a resume. Basically, show up and get it done by deadline is.

    Now, ask me about 1960-70 TV trivia and I gotcha covered. And, btw, that actress that you think is living is…indeed dead.

  • prommie

    Dick size is going to be the next scoop, the Breit-tards will be claiming he's not hung like a black man.

  • Dildeaux

    I guess there is just sumpin about the President that right wingers dont like. Maybe someday Ill figure it out…

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      it sure as shit isn't his middle of the road domestic policies and his bomb 'em like the last guy (just a little more better) foreign policy.

  • prommie

    And all y'all put down them SAT scores, for pete's sake. Its unseemly. I have a penis, but you don't see me walking around with a ruler offering to measure it for you. Besides, it ain't all about the mental horsepower under the hood, its where you drive that car that matters.

    Most people in MENSA are literally, clinically sociopaths. True fact.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      And all y'all put down them SAT scores, for pete's sake. Its unseemly. I have a penis, but you don't see me walking around with a ruler offering to measure it for you.

      Of course not, a real man uses a tape measure because measuring in 12" increments is inconvenient.

    • finallyhappy

      I think when I moved to DC, I went to one Mensa meeting at the Zoo Tavern and decided I'd rather spend time in the actual Zoo- across the street

      • I thought I was eccentric and antisocial until I met Mensans.

  • Sounds a little flimsy to me. Maybe if or whatever could put a poll up on their website…something like:
    Is George Bush smarter than HUSSEIN Obama?

    we could finally put this super important issue to rest.

  • V572 Is this him?

    Average is what makes the weather in DC or St Louis so good. Sure it can hit 105 degrees in August, and be below zero with ice storms in February, but the average temperature is 71 degrees: perfect!

  • Schmegeg

    Hmm. The average SAT at Columbia for Freshman in 1979 or whenever was 1200, according to this crackerjack reporting. I call bullshit.

  • AbandonHope

    Snark aside, my God, I hope these people never stop. They are an absolute comedy goldmine.

  • chascates

    Gingrich may have aced his SATs. Would he be a better Preznit for it?

  • I have to admit, this makes perfect sense. Assuming, of course, the average Columbia student went on to be come editor of the Harvard Law Review, and then President of the United States.

  • DahBoner

    "If Obama’s SAT scores were…"

    IF my aunt had balls…

  • OneYieldRegular

    Word problem: If the scion of a wealthy conservative family scores 1206 on the SAT, then spends the next 23 years drinking n number of cocktails per day, and is then installed as President of the United States by a Supreme Court vote of 5 to 4, and 0 weapons of mass destruction are found, how many Iraqi children are dead?

  • fuflans

    i wish i could vote for this more than once.

  • There is not enough weed in the world to make that article make sense.

    • You gotta start buying the purple stuff. I did, and all that shit made sense to me. Of course, I can't explain it now, but …

  • 1stNewtontheMoon

    That's nothing. You should see the scores of (a) the Spring 1983 North Idaho College Transfer Class and (b) the Fall 1984 University of Idaho Transfer Class and (c) the Fall 1985 Matanuska-Susitna College Transfer Class and (d) the Spring 1986 Transfer Class of the University of Idaho (again). Those classes were astonishingly similar and off the charts brilliant. One of their students (if you add up all her GPAs and the reported SAT from each application) almost achieved a 4.0 GPA and a 1600! Waaaay smarter than ol' Barry.

  • Wow. The sheer … math of that statement, man! It's, like, poetry!

  • keinsignal

    This is the most coherent synopsis of this article possible.

  • spareme

    Who gives a shit about someone else's SAT scores? I can't see why that's anybodies business in the first place. Never have trusted anyone who likes telling me what their college placement scores are/were. It's a matter between the college and the person who desires admission. If Columbia, Harvard, Yale, whatever felt them acceptable, that's all that matters to me.

    Besides, I don't need an examination of the two's scores to tell me who was actually educated.

  • finallyhappy

    Speaking of Avogadro- I just made guacamole.

    • horsedreamer_1

      On a different note, I got the most intense erection of my life when I should have been watching a documentary on Avogadro's Number. But, that varsity swimmer & wire to wire vsledictorian on the other side of the room — my eyes migrated to her.

  • whiterabid

    So what? Abraham Lincoln slept in, or got caught in a snowstorm while walking barefoot to return a library book, or something, and totally missed the SAT, and what did he do?

  • Slim_Pickins

    You have to be pretty dumb to think W himself took his SAT test when paying someone to take it is so much easier.

  • Billmatic

    i got a 1250

  • Tundra Grifter

    This story can't be right. It was just yesterday Off-the-Mark LeVin said it's very hard to transfer into an Ivy League school. His theory was that Mr. Obama claimed foreign birth to gain some sort of admissions edge.

  • Quayle2012_KNOT

    Some say it's ironic the white South African editor of Breitbart, Joel Pollack, may have gotten into Harvard Law School by using his exotic origins as a wedge. That this presumed beneficiary of diversity in admissions criteria uses his alleged unfair gains to turn a black man into vittles is a rich irony, it could be concluded.

  • Chuck Schumer got 800s on his SATs. Really.

    • George Spelvin

      Meh, so did I. Which pretty well invalidates that metric.

  • Buckminster

    Don't you know these "journalism facts" are all arcane knowledge that can't be checked in any possible way be anyone outside the "inner circle" of privileged Dems and movie elites from Hollywood? The elites–what are they up to in their secret dungeons, plotting against the Good People of the GOP?

    *Has to take the snark button off before I aspirate beer and die a cruel death.

  • ttommyunger

    Plus, I hear he's fucking a black woman.

  • Negropolis

    Ummm…didn't they just get through digging through his old love letters? Yeah, the dude is pretty and plenty fucking smart.


  • paulabflat

    just how many tries will it take for president obama's operatives to finally kill this fiend?

    hell. rasputin went down easier. and he had the decency to stay down.

  • BenGleck

    No way did bush exceed 1200. More like 200.

  • notanncoulter

    As an obvious aside from the wholesale stoopid reasoning presented [this is considered intellectual to them, cuz, you know, numbers]…
    That $50 Dubya paid that Asian girl to take the SATs for him was the best fifty bucks he ever spent! [well, aside from that time in Vegas… okay two times… well, who's counting, right?]

  • George W. Bush had the finest education money could buy. It's like giving someone a super HD television with cable that they never even plug in.

  • You mean you got 800s too?

    • I love you. Let's run away together. Gay marriage is legal in some states, and Biff won't mind at all.

      • We'd have to run away. I'm in Florida, where the sanctity of marriage is protected by Allen West, Katherine Harris, and Marco Rubio.

        The bigger question is, can a man and woman gay marry each other?

  • lulzmonger


    Yeah, I'm gonna go waaaaaaaay out on a limb here & guess that in contrast to Dubya's proud heritage of academic mulligans "Gentleman's C's," there actually aren't a whole lot of "Affirmative Action" magna cum laude Harvard law degrees floating around … as in, any at all.

    Also guessing Breitards think the phrase means "Big Loud Fap" in Latin.

  • labman57

    Once again, in the absence of verifiable evidence and actual facts, FOX News and their right wing minions in the blogosphere rely on speculative supposition and innuendo, i.e., when all else fails … make crap up!

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