SNOWBILLY RECESSION  4:05 pm May 22, 2012

Sarah Palin Snubbed For Top Speaking Spot at Dairy Goods Meetup

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

National Free Lunch expert Sarah Palin has apparently accepted an exciting spot as some food industry lecturer at this year’s “International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo,” sure. Complimentary donuts. But according to the hot speaker lineup spotted by Wonkette baked-goods operative “Banana_bread,” Sarah Palin lost out for the top-billed spot to alleged racist diabetes shill Paula Deen. Will this demotion be tolerated?

There she is, blazing trails:

Whatever. It just better not happen at this year’s Taco Supreme conference. [IDDBA]

 
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{ 213 comments }

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Grifter Queen addresses Dairy Queen?

WunkRocker May 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Udders or GTFO.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Show us your teats!

Chet Kincaid May 22, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Brought to you by Bag Balm.®

Callyson May 22, 2012 at 5:24 pm

I wondered about that for a moment, but both the dairy industry and the Tundra Grifter have an interest in government subsidies…

Come here a minute May 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Rogue Trailblazing step one: eat (dairy-based) dessert first.

tbogg May 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

They should have booked Bristol, because I hear she gives up the milk for free.

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

That and everything else.

Lascauxcaveman May 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Ugh. You've put me off milk forever. Or anything that comes from cows, for that matter.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Bristol Libel! You have to give her at least a four pack of Bartles and James first.

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:08 pm

The speakers are listed in order of how sweet their blood is.

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Ascending?

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

OK – OT – I realize I am a thoroughly obtuse noob, but what's with the P number going down thing?

Is it like my snark life-ometer, or what? If I squander it down to zero does that mean I have to go back to the beggining of Wonkette and wend my way past all the bosses to rejoin the fray?

I mean I'm starting to get self conscious here and that just harshes my snark abilities. Help me out here and splain what gives.

Barb May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Are you saying that your p-points are going down?

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Needs more Viagra.

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Um, assuming you are asking a serious question and not just mocking me, yes, that would be affirmative maam. Iz goez down.

Lascauxcaveman May 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm

It's just us high-P's keeping you in your place.

You wouldn't understand.

(Say, Barb, you happen to have any more of the Armangac, would you? Feeling a bit dry here.)

Mumbly_Libel May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Listen to this class-warfare Marxist over here, asking for P-ness handouts and all.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

It's happened to me a couple of times right after I've ticked up one, then I tick down one again briefly and up one. Though early on, when I had just a few dozen posts, there was a lot of fluctuation. I've never been able to figure out how the algorithm works. And I study algorithms for a living.

Keep posting fearlessly and the p-rating will go up relatively rapidly until you hit 100 or so and then it will increase glacially.

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Mine went from 130 to 131 earlier today. Maybe someone else's had to go down in order for this to happen. Who would have guessed that Intense Debate was a zero-sum game?

Chet Kincaid May 22, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Pay more attention to the upfist numbers on your individual posts. When you have posts that score 10 or more, you know you're giving good snark/insight. The p-number is some cryptic bullshit that nobody understands; some people get a huge p-number just by flooding threads with replies that add nothing to the conversation.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Absolutely!

fuflans May 22, 2012 at 5:21 pm

harsh chet, harsh.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Can I just say again how awesome I think this post is?

Barb May 22, 2012 at 5:53 pm

OH MY GOD! I can't believe you just said that shit, Chet. I owe you and Mrs Chet two fine porterhouse steaks for your refreshing burst of honesty.

Yeah, that shit gets really old quickly.

Gunner Asch May 22, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Izzat so?

HistoriBarb May 23, 2012 at 12:33 am

some people get a huge p-number just by flooding threads with replies that add nothing to the conversation.

I resemble that remark!

MoeDeLawn May 23, 2012 at 2:18 pm

hell, I've been stuck at 84 forever.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

In fairness, cooking the heart of a rogue trailblazer is kind of tricky.

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Skullfry it.

Gratuitous World May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

actually, as the keynote, Paula will deep fry it in duck fat and slap it between 2 crispy cremes. because she's the devil

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Rouge Trailblazer

7 cups rogue trailblazer diced
1 pound lies
4 cups self-aggrandizement, sifted
4 cloves greed
3 cups lunacy
3 cups delusion
1 dash Todd jizz

Bake in oven at 350 for 30 minutes or until odor drives animals from the room.

Serves no one.

Dashboard_Jesus May 23, 2012 at 12:53 am

awesome, think I'll try this for Mother's Day…oh damn, missed it! btw, where can I get me one o' them adorable Bobble-head Buddha's for MY dashboard? (the Jesus is gettin' lonely! :)

Skullfry Buddha May 23, 2012 at 1:10 am

He's easier to get than you think:
http://www.amazon.com/DASHBOARD-bobble-NODDER-BUD

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm

You need to tenderize it with the cleated heel of a jackbooted thug first.

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Honestly, I would think she'd give the "Exploiting Chaos" lecture. Its a better fit.

NorthStarSpanx May 22, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Good god, she's goin to be invoking all her diary business expertise is progressing a failin business with state monies with a hs bff realtor who put a childhood 'love of cows' as a qualifier for the six-figure job as head of the Department of Ag.

Frannie's daddy actually said to the press, with no guile, that he wasn't asking for a handout, but that the State should be creating a market for the dairy farmers from Wasilla. No shit.
http://www.themudflats.net/2010/04/16/got-milked-

Maman May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

"The Heart of a Rogue Trailblazer"? Cuz milk is so edgy?

Callyson May 22, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Milk is risky. Remember when Bob Dole said it causes cancer?

OneDollarJuana May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Interesting how the speaker following Lou Sarah will talk about "hyperniching". Seems like LS is already so good at it she's almost nano-niching.

sewollef May 22, 2012 at 4:35 pm

It's the last speaker I'd be interested in.

Jane Buckingham is definitely on the hawt side…. think I'm gonna LinkedIn to her.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 4:56 pm

"Hyperniching"? Is that where you have a blog, and only one other person on the planet reads it? I think it would be cool if Palin got into this.

DrunkIrishman May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Needs more butter.

johnnymeatworth May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Which one will Anthony Bourdain want to murder first?

OneDollarJuana May 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Paula's working on her own demise herself.

BTW, I heard on the news today that she is dealing well with her diabetes diagnosis and has lost 3 LBS!

johnnymeatworth May 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

She cut off one of her feet?

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Toes.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

I thought she had a flipper.

bagofmice May 22, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Your momma's so fat she got diabetes and had to have one of her feet amputated!

DrunkIrishman May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Bless her southern heart! She's getting there. By 2020, she'll be down a whole 10 pounds!

WunkRocker May 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

All of them KATYA!

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Yeah…but there are some things even he won't eat. (Hint: It's Sarah Palin)

noodlesalad May 22, 2012 at 4:10 pm

She gave up governing America's largest state so that she could straight talk to America's largest people.

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

"International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo"

It is to laugh.

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

ID-D-BASE, if you please.

Mumbly_Libel May 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

They had to rename it, because their former acroynm used to be D-A-BETUSS, which was how they managed to land Paula Deen in the first place actually.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

To get in they tell you to show your D-BASEd ID!!

That cracks 'em up every year.

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:18 pm

YAFT (yet another fucking tradeshow).

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

So now she's Chef Sarah? Where will she make her next appearance, Defcon because she used a computer once?

YasserArraFeck May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Cos she can roast a whole wolf (with a flame thrower, from a helicopter). Haute cuisine, snowbillie style.

sullivanst May 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Maybe she can give some advice on how to bilk the state.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

Yeah, do these IDDBBDBA people know about Matanuska Maid & Dairygate?

Barb May 22, 2012 at 4:11 pm

If the only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is the lipstick, maybe hockey moms shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children!

Yeah, like she goes anywhere near her children.

ThundercatHo May 22, 2012 at 5:16 pm

I cannot get the fried chicken recipe to post. Maybe it's too long. Any suggestions?

Barb May 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm

E-mail it to me at Barbxoxoxo@aol.com. please

mormos May 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Zzzzz

metamarcisf May 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

As if she's actually going to show up…

NorthStarSpanx May 22, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Oh she will, and she'll be sporting a tricked out cowbell. . .

Baconzgood May 22, 2012 at 4:12 pm

I can see Danish from my house.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Right next to Hungary. And if Paula Deen is there, lots of Greece.

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Any Turkey?

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

'Egypt us!

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

Mumbletypeg May 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

"Be the ball."

And if that ball is a little doughy nugget fused together with baker's sugar and yeast, Be the Doughnut-Hole.

//…SEE WHAT YOU"VE DONE — I was gonna try to get outa this office 15 minutes early but NO — you had to go and tantalize me with memorable movie-quote nostalgicakes!!1!

SayItWithWookies May 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

The heart of a rogue trailblazer:

1. Get husband to get you a moose hunting license.
2. Get husband to shoot moose because that gun is awfully big.
3. Get husband to skin moose because — gross.
4. Tell everybody and their fuckin' dog what a badass moose hunter you are.

CivicHoliday May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

5. Brag about family moose chili recipe
6. Google "how to make moose chili"

SayItWithWookies May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

7. Get husband to call all the neighbors and beg for moose because Greta's coming over and expects moose chili. Oh, and if they could cook it that would be great, too.

Dashboard_Jesus May 23, 2012 at 12:56 am

Wooks, after all these years skulking 'round the Wonkette you're STILL my favorite!

Poindexter718 May 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

In all fairness, it is a baking conference and Ms. Deen is, after all, a cook.
Surely bespectacled colostomy bag Sarah Palin will be invited to give the keynote at the AMA's Proctology/Urology 2012.

YasserArraFeck May 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

I'd rather hear about Deen's butter stunts than listen to Palin, that utter cunt.

MarionNYNY May 22, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Jim Carroll came back from the dead for this?

WunkRocker May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Curse you MarionNYNYNYNYNY

MarionNYNY May 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

Hey, it's dog eat dog. Ya gotta be quick.

WunkRocker May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Sad to see Jim Carroll shilling for Big Dairy. Especially after he and all his friends…died died…

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I guess it's too late for Sharon Tate.

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm

That was probably the best album of the 8o's.

tihond May 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

It's actually Leonardo DiCarprio working on his new film "The Blahsketball Diaries"

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Remember the Doomsday Clock that featured on the cover of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists? I think that the minute hand on Sarah's fame clock is at 11:59.

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Is that her talk or ingredients list?

SmutBoffin May 22, 2012 at 4:14 pm

I am eagerly anticipating her presentation at this year's meeting of the American Physical Society. She will give a talk on the origins of exciton-plasmon coupling in graphene and its implications for spintronic devices.

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

She's speaking at the International Association of Hydrogeologists conference in Prague this week. I think that her lecture will consist of lip-syncing Talking Heads "Once In a Lifetime," including the hand chop move for the "Same as it ever was" line.

♫ Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground ♪

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:21 pm

It will amaze the APS that the origin of the coupling is tax cuts.

Gratuitous World May 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

I will attend this if Palin puts lipstick on a frozen ham and heaves it at an unsuspecting Paula Dean.

gullywompr May 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Wouldn't she already be wearing lipstick?

Joshua Norton May 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Paula Deen's Best Dishes.

Just in case Type II isn't a high enough number.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

God, that makes me want to puke. How can anyone think something like that is appetizing or even tastes good?

LettucePrey May 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm

It's called a Luther Burger, named after Luther Vandross*, and when my execution date finally arrives, this will be my last meal request.

*God bless that dead fat man's soul. And Jesus and the troops, Amen, also, too.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 7:21 pm

More like the Lethal Burger, if you ask me.

Isyaignert May 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Thanks very little – that was downright gross and unfortunately, I was eating my nice healthy lunch while watching the video, making it all the more disgusting.

Did you notice how Paula Deen licks her fingers first and then hands the "sandwich" to that nice lady? Ewwwwwwww!

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Well, she was being filmed. Normally, when handing food to a blah lady…she'd spit on it.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

or do a farmer's blow..

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Do you mean "Italian Handkerchief"?

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Chrivens…food porn!

StealthMuslin May 22, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Got MILF?

Nostrildamus May 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

MILK, in Sarah's case.

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:24 pm

This deserves more prominence. At least we can be sure Sarah is not a MILM.

OkieDokieDog May 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

The Heart of a Rogue Trailblazer? Palin dug up and stole Jack London's heart?

Schmannnity May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Palin will quit halfway through her speech to avoid giving out complementary Cheetos and Moonpies.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

As a cheese expert maybe she can explain why she and Bristol both smell that way.

BTWBFDIMHO May 22, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I can smell her raclette from here.

edgydrifter May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Just roguein' those trails and blazin' those hearts with that maverick faith in freedom's liberty.

SorosBot May 22, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Well Sarah knows as much about cooking as she does about sticking things through, humility, and birth control.

FakaktaSouth May 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

BUT LOOK! Every person's speech is at least on topic, cept Sarah's – "The Heart of a Rogue Trailblazer" (HAHAHAHA) -her's of course, is about how she sees herself. If I were to do a speech on that bitch, it'd be more "The Whore in that Ridiculous Blazer"

What is she telling these people? Ways they might make some slick grifter cash if they fail at the jobs they want?

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Exploiting chaos…unlocking cool
Hyper- niching…transformative change

This pretty much sums up why I hate working in business.

Wile E. Quixote May 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

You need to take the 30,000 foot view and think outside of the box.

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Could be worse. Back in my day, it was all "paradigms" and "synergies." At least your buzz words are pronounceable.

Too, you could be in academia and deal with hermaneutics which always sounds faintly German to me

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 5:11 pm

What, you don't see the synergy?

not that Radio May 22, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Who moved my cheesy slogans?

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Exactly.—

philpjfry May 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

She will however be giving the keynote address at the National Douchebag Conference

el_donaldo May 22, 2012 at 4:18 pm

I imagine next year Palin will be getting second billing after the jam and pie competition at your local county fair. Or maybe after that Fifty's rockabilly legend you think you might have heard about but can't remember if he had any hits.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo,

Sounds awfully Socialistic to me. Is this being put on by the Wobblies?

SmutBoffin May 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Butter sculpture of Joe Hill and EVERYTHANG.

Antispandex May 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Heart of Rogue Trailblazer:
1 One Heart (blazed)
1 tblsp Olive Oil (or an Alaskan petroleum based product)
1 lb Russian Seal Meat (if you don't have any, you should be able to see it from your backyard)
Lots of guts and grit
1 spurt of youbetcha sause

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Youbetcha sauce– is that similar to Todd's Special Sauce?

Antispandex May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Youbetcha sause; Any of 722,190 sauses that result in youbetcha.
So, yeah, Todd's is one of them.

WhatTheHeck May 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

“Got milk?” turned into “Got Zilch.”

SaintRond May 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Has anyone noticed yet that her face is like a feminized version of Freddy Krueger?

What the Hell is it with Republicans and their almost always ugly mouths?

That cunt.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I've always wanted to unlock "Cool".

randcoolcatdaddy May 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Didn't Dubya speak last year at this event on pretzels or something?

ChilLysol May 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Sarah's specialy dish is the Flamed Sudafed

Needs moar Rachel Ray, also.

tihond May 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

"Dear Penthouse Forum, There I was at the International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo…"

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

I bet Sarah has some great hookworm recipes to share.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Sheesh, I contributed this by taking the first part of someone else's stupid answer and adding my own ending. Can't believe it's still there…

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 6:45 pm

You are a true Wonketteer for that. We thank you!

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 4:23 pm

My cholesterol level went up 20 points reading this post.

elviouslyqueer May 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Four of the five meet-ups are in the South. In June. Is it too much to hope that teh Snow Bitch will melt, or at the very least catch an especially scorching case of pneumonia?

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

We could hope she is carried off by one of our very large mosquitoes when she is in Louisiana.

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Surprised she ain't stoppin by PHX.

el_donaldo May 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Blazing a trail to the bottom of the list!

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Soon, she'll be the "emergency speaker at Wal-Mart openings"

gullywompr May 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

FLOTUS could have a field day with this, but she won't, because she has class.

Isyaignert May 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Why in the holy fuk would anyone want to listen to that screetchy whorey sociopathic egomanical grifting fumduck? And those are her good points.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I have no idea who Jeremy Gutsche, Jim Carroll, Adrian Slywotzky, or Jane Buckingham are, but given that upper bound on their performance, I'm going to make sure I never wander by mistake into any lecture they may be giving.

owhatever May 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Donuts are people too, my friends.

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Delicious, delicious people.

Texan_Bulldog May 22, 2012 at 4:26 pm

I knew it. Pretty soon she'll be opening porn conventions–maybe she can have a Real Doll made of her to sell to her legions of mouth breathing fans.

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

I literally picture one doll.

LesBontemps May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

I blame Obama.

Skullfry Buddha May 22, 2012 at 5:15 pm

We all do, LesBon…we all do.

YasserArraFeck May 22, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Can't wait to see the butter scene in Snowbillie's inevitable porno Last Tango in Wasilla

sewollef May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Two foodie posts in one day? Wassup with that?

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Sarah and food brings to mind the above black hole and this lovely image: http://www.google.com/imgres?q=sarah+palin+at+the

Gunner Asch May 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Hay-soos! I dress better than that and I look like the Yellow Kid since I buy most of my clothes at garage sales and there are a lot of Double-X sized people around here.

mavenmaven May 22, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Those lecture titles sound like its a porn trade convention…

An_Outhouse May 22, 2012 at 4:31 pm

Holy crap, what a boring lineup. I'm betting the tour gets cancelled before the second event on the schedule. 'How to Make Your Brand Matter by exploiting Chaos'?? I prefer 'How to Make your Nether Regions Tingle by Exploiting Vibration'.

elburritodeluxe May 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm

She was governor (briefly) of Alaska. A consumer of dairy products (and tax dollars) produced in the lower 48.

GortRay May 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Hey, at least she got higher billing than Adrian Slywotzky. That's something, isn't it? Isn't it?!?

Wonderthing May 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Never gonna not love the Snowbilly Grifter. But first tit sag and she's toast. Just sayin'

Wile E. Quixote May 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

Remember, what happens at the International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo stays at the International Dairy Deli Bakery Association Seminar and Expo.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:41 pm

How to make your Brand Matter by Exploiting Chaos and Unlocking "Cool"

As Ralph "Waldo" Emerson said, if you can unlock the coolness potential of Buttermilk and Cottage Cheese the world will beat a path to your door.

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

A very irregular and inherently unpredictable path.

rickmaci May 22, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Whole idea of having Tundra Grifteress as a speaker for these folks sounds half baked to me.

Wile E. Quixote May 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Someone should do a parody of a concert T-shirt with a picture of Palin, the phrase "Heart of a Rogue Trailblazer" and the IDDBA dates on it.

GeorgiaBurning May 22, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Will she be holding the fishing pole, the rifle, the hockey stick or the charge card?

MosesInvests May 22, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Blessed are the cheesemakers.

Dudleydidwrong May 22, 2012 at 4:49 pm

Lou Sara's next gig is shilling for the greasy roast turkey leg concession at the Jasper County (IA) county fair. After that, alas, it will be downhill all the way to the bottom. And it is a big bottom that we're dealing with.

Jus_Wonderin May 22, 2012 at 5:13 pm

"And it is a big bottom that we're dealing with."

Todd?

ElPinche May 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

Are you sure this shindig isn't a sting operation/medical intervention for the morbidly obese and rogue diabetics?

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

'Cause this unbroken stream of morose hours is getting a bit much.

Chet Kincaid May 22, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Why buy the cow when the milk is curdled?

BornInATrailer May 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

$10 says whatever asinine speech she has planned bombs and she tries to salvage it by dancing to "Milkshake."

SenileAgitation May 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

What a rollicking whirlwind of excitement as this dream team cavorts across the [once Confederate] South, telling it like it fucking mavericky is to deli and bake professionals! I can't wait until Sarah's Rogue Heart message is brought home in the new half-baked way these food professionals indifferently present their high calorie goods with cool, chaotic contempt and sneering disrespect for customers.

Blueb4sunrise May 22, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Palin deserves to turn around.

keinsignal May 22, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Catfight! Catfight!

Terry May 22, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I guess bakers can't be choosers.

GeorgiaBurning May 22, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Six speakers. My guess is she feels dissed at being the one they sleep through after lunch, and blows the gig after one stop. Unless there's a shopping trip.

fuflans May 22, 2012 at 5:32 pm

to be fair, i'm sure a wolf-shooting, failed vice-presidential candidate 1/2 term governor from AL with a failed reality show about the wilderness has a lot to say to the worthy folk of the dairy-deli-bake.

Chet Kincaid May 22, 2012 at 5:39 pm

Joshua Norton posted the original footage upthread, but nothing beats the Lynch-like brilliance of the Paula Deen 'ludes experience:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1PsDyhNFBI

Re-enacting this on actual 'ludes with Snowbilly would be the only event that would be worth seeing at the "Dairy Deli Druggy Seminar & Expo".

ttommyunger May 22, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Paula Deen and Sarah Palin: a good old fashioned Cunt-Off.

BZ1 May 22, 2012 at 11:28 pm

I see grudge match here, get the jello baths ready!

paulabflat May 23, 2012 at 11:20 am

paula dean's just gonna butter 'em up for spalin, who will…christ, can somebody tell me exactly what this woman could possibly have to say about international dairies, delis or bakeries? and how will it be the president's fault?

i'm stumped.

DahBoner May 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Who appointed Sarah Palin "Dairy Queen"?

Her saggy funbags aren't really that big…

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:27 pm

It's what brands crave!

Barb May 22, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Why would I mock you?

What was your old p-point rating? How far did you drop?

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Mazel Tov on your promotion!

Barb May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Congratulations on your p-point bump!

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Well, honestly, after I barked out that "Unmitigated GALL" piece, I was pushing 100 (a milestone if you will) like mebbe 98 or so. Since then my P just be sliding down.

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Between that and hitting 10,000 comments, it's the best day of my life!!!

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:38 pm

Talk to metamarcisf he/she was -250P or so for a while.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm

If you are posting to IntenseDebate on another site (like the various sites run by Zombie Breitbart), where they can down fist you, that will allow it to go down. If you are just posting here, though, that is a bit strange.

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:40 pm

10,000 comments? My fingers hurt just thinking about that.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I can't even imagine that. But you give me the courage to dream.

Baconzgood May 22, 2012 at 5:12 pm

You know I like you Balder, so I'm saying this as a friend, you have a sad life. Wait I'm commenting on Wonkette too. Maybe Baconz should take stock before he casts stones.

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:42 pm

GEEZE – I just lost another point. Pgod no likes me.

I got to tell you though, my question has elicited some funny funny shit. My Pness may be shrinking but I'm gettin all full up with laugh-happy.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Ben oui, but s/he used to head over to Breitbart sites and taunt them, with the resulting massive retaliation of downfisting.

So anyway, gang. GANG! Pay attention. And that means you too, Baldar. OK – let's all give a bunch of upfists to OldWhiteLies to see what happens. For Science.

actor212 May 22, 2012 at 4:44 pm

Do you comment at other places that use Intense Debate? Cuz some of those places actually have down fistings

yea, like you can fist a bottom…

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

We used to have downfist here, too. But the ugly trolls would show up and just knock everyone down. Fisting should always be happy!

smokefilledroommate May 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

That's what I was thinking, too– other sites. Your p can only go up on Wonkette (like MissTaken said–thanks to a bunch of Breitbart trolls who used to downfist all our comments resulting in negative comment ratings which lead to negative pee).

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 4:47 pm

At the risk of losing even more P …

Nope, this is it. Only site on which I comment. I like it here.

Seems like it has to do with how many of my comments are replies.

BaldarTFlagass May 22, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Done!

MissTaken May 22, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I think p-ness gets bigger when more people follow you, too.

OldWhiteLies May 22, 2012 at 5:26 pm

Um, wow. I am sincerely overwhelmed with warm-fuzzies. If I had had any faith to begin with, it would surely be restored. You are most kind, and I am most humbled.

However, science not withstanding, please return to your regularly scheduled snark. Please only upfist my humble submissions if they deserve, and not cuz of my whiney-baby bit.

Cheers. See ya inside …

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:45 pm

And done again!

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:46 pm

And please give multiple upfists to starfanglednut too, as an act of charity.

nounverb911 May 22, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Well, we like you too, also.

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Actually, if this is the only place you comment, it shouldn't go down. Sometimes the system gets glitchy, in which case there will be many complaints hereabouts.

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Thanks! I can feel the frontiers of ignorance retreating already.

And remember everyone – OldWhiteLies writes "façade" with a cedilla! We need such people.

Edit: Now if we can only get someone who writes "rôle" with a circumflex we'll be set. I'd do it myself, but, you know, it's kind of pompous

Chichikovovich May 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Ah, the best ideas are always the simplest! I'll start keeping an eye out for that too.

Baconzgood May 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm

It's sad to see a man to ask for p-handouts. GET A JOB AND BUY YOUR OWN pSS YOU LAZY BUM!!!

starfanglednut May 22, 2012 at 5:56 pm

They're even more delicious if you skullfuck them first.

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:16 pm

Hmm. By saluting your response, I participate recursively.

Oh, well. Buttsechs.

George Spelvin May 22, 2012 at 9:26 pm

It has fractalytes.

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