THE GRAND CANYON STATE OF NATURE  7:15 pm May 21, 2012

Let’s Classify This AZ Secretary of State’s Birther Email Demands As ‘Comedy Gold’

by Jim Newell

From now on, this is Ken BennettArizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett has been in hot pursuit of extra-double email verification from the Hawaii government of Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Bennett made a pledge to the state’s voters — no extra-double email verification, no Obama on the ballot. What’s the big deal, haters? He’s only seeking this unique extra verification because serious, trustworthy sages such as Jerome Corsi and Joe Arpaio and his 1,200 worst constituents told him it was necessary. It is his duty, to get the birth certificate. Again. For just Obama. It is not pandering, he promises. (Sadly for him, the only other explanation besides pandering would be that he’s a genuine warm-blooded idiot.) Now who wants to read his emails with Hawaii officials where he can’t offer them a valid statutory need for his request and so turns to whining instead? Oh, please let this play out for a while, please please please!

This story will approach optimal comedy volume if it lasts through the summer and into the fall — cross your fingers for court action! — and this Bennett dupe begins to sweat more and more each day about this extremely voluntary quest he’s embarked on. He could win Idiot of the Year, even, if this becomes a major national story a couple of months before a presidential election. Uh, oh… we’re getting our hopes up again, and the doctor’s instructions were pretty clear about that… so, onward: Here are Bennett’s first and last emails to give you an indication of the trend; the rest can be found at TPM:

March 30, 2012

Hawaii Department of Health
Office of Health Status Monitoring
Vital Records Issuance Section
P.O. Box 3378
Honolulu, HI 96801

Ladies and gentlemen:

Enclosed please find a request for a verification in lieu of a certified copy for the birth record of Barack Hussein Obama II. In addition to the items to be verified in the attached form, please verify the following items from the record of birth:

Department of Health File #151 61 10641
Time of birth: 7:24 p.m.
Name of hospital: Kapiolani Maternity and Gynecological Hospital
Age of father: 25
Birthplace of Father: Kenya, East Africa
Age of mother: 18
Birthplace of mother: Wichita, Kansas
Date of signature of parent: 8-7-1961
Date of signature of attendant: 8-8-1961
Date accepted by local registrar: August-8 1961

Additionally, please verify that the attached copy of the Certificate of Live Birth for Mr. Obama is a true and accurate representation of the original record in your files.

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

Sincerely,

Ken Bennett
Arizona Secretary of State

—-

From: Bennett, Ken
Sent: Friday, April 27, 2012 11:00 AM
To: ‘Brian Reilly’
Cc: Tom Ballantyne; Jeff Lichter; Jim Wise; Gabe Zolna; ‘crossroadswithvan’; Wesley W. Harris; Tom Jenney; ‘rodriddle’
Subject: RE: Your Oath of Office, Ken?

Dear Brian, Tom, and All,

Thank you for your emails seeking resolution to President Obama’s qualification for office and, therefore, his right to be on our ballot. In your calls for me to make sure he follows the law and is “subject to the same rational and reasonable standards as every other citizen”, it is imperative that we follow the rule of law as well.

Arizona law requires an individual to file nomination papers wherein they certify they meet the qualifications of the office sought and have met other requirements such as committee formation and signatures. We review elements in the filing that can be verified on their face (completeness, numbers of signatures, etc.). Challenges to the remaining facts in the filing (validity of each signature, residency and other qualification aspects) are solely brought through legal process in the courts.

Because of the importance and profile of the President’s case, and at the request of many constituents, I have gone the extra step of asking the State of Hawaii to verify the facts contained in his birth certificate. Hawaii is bound by their own statutes to provide such verification to other state officials in their official duties and, to Brian’s point, I do not believe they can avoid their duty to me under a criminal investigation loophole because I am not investigating them.

The fact that Obama certified his citizenship on the 2008 PPE form is irrelevant to me because Arizona does not grant its electoral votes in the PPE. I believe there is significance in changing our nomination form for the actual election to include the certification.

With all due respect, the MCSO investigation has not proven anything other than raised probable cause that the birth certificate posted on the Whitehouse website “may be” a forgery. The next lawful step would be for the Sheriff’s office to turn their findings over to the County Attorney for prosecution. Evidence would be brought on both sides and a judge should issue a decision. Whether or not that happens, if Hawaii can’t or won’t provide verification of the President’s birth certificate, I will not put his name on the ballot.

I can tell from the tone and language of your letters that the only acceptable outcome for you is that his name not be on the ballot, period. That may be what happens, but under my watch, it won’t happen based on opinions, petitions, probability or pledges to support or oppose me in the 2014 Governor’s race. My oath of office is to uphold the Constitution and laws of our State and country, and I’m going to do that by following the law. I look forward to continuing to work this issue under those parameters. Otherwise, I will respectfully agree to disagree.

Sincerely,

Ken Bennett
Secretary of State

The Tea Party has found its new Emperor for Life, we think.

***AND IF ANY OF YOU SUCKERS LIVE IN ARIZONA, EMAIL KEN BENNETT DEMANDING MITT ROMNEY’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE VERIFICATION TOO — LONG, SHORT, VAULT, STICKER, FACSIMILE, TRIPLICATE, PARCHMENT, VELLUM — ALL VERSIONS — HIS OATH OF OFFICE COMPELS HIM TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT.

[TPM]

 
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{ 142 comments }

smrtmnky May 21, 2012 at 7:19 pm

the next lawful step should be to give back arizona to the gila monsters and native americans.

An Asexual Ungulate May 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

They've decided they no longer want it. We're stuck with 'em now.

Vecchiojohn May 21, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Have they approached the rattlesnakes?

Lascauxcaveman May 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm

Take off, nuke it from orbit, etc.

finallyhappy May 21, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Not only was the President not born in Hawaii- he was not born at all. He is an android sent back from the future to keep us from doing all the stupid shit we do

BlueStateLibel May 21, 2012 at 7:53 pm

If Hopey is an Android, I see Mittens as a Commodore 64. Let the war of the machines begin.

starfanglednut May 21, 2012 at 7:56 pm

That would be great.

ratcityrebel May 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm

Arizona would make a lovely gift for Mexico.

rickmaci May 21, 2012 at 7:30 pm

They would look at the crock of shit it has become and say politely, "You stole it fair and square so you keep it."

sullivanst May 22, 2012 at 8:43 am

I believe the phrase is "you broke it, you own it"

Maman May 21, 2012 at 7:42 pm

I really think we should surprise them with it really soon.

marinmaven May 21, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Sneak over to Mexico's door, ring their doorbell, leave the sack of Arizona on their doorstep and RUN AWAY.

sewollef May 21, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Fucking brilliant! I lol'd.

Thank you…

Butch_Wagstaff May 21, 2012 at 9:38 pm

Ugliest baby left on a doorstep evah.
"Should we take it in?"
"God no, honey! I mean, look at it! It's got Jan Brewer's face, a couple of horns, and Ken Bennett's tail which also looks like Jan Brewer's face!"
"Jesus, you're right! It even seems to have Jan Brewer's pointy fingers, too."
"Get inside quickly! Don't look at its face! This demon spawn will burn up in the morning sunrise. JUST GET INSIDE!"
All spoken in Spanish or Mex'can or whatever the hell they speak down there.

Dashboard_Jesus May 22, 2012 at 1:17 am

you forgot the most important (and funniest) part, light the sack of AZ on FIRE first!

marinmaven May 22, 2012 at 12:30 pm

I wrote it so you can see Arizona at least two ways:
1. A bag of fecal matter that you can choose to light or not.
2. Evil Rosemary's baby from a tragic-comic and frightful union of creatures that personify hatred, ignorance, and the dangers sunstroke that can be left on a doorstep in desperation.

The question is: Where does your imagination like to go today?

YasserArraFeck May 22, 2012 at 11:59 am

"It's shit, but it's a dry shit"

Vecchiojohn May 21, 2012 at 9:40 pm

Yes. Let's give it back to Mexico – and then build the dang fense.

NYNYNYjr May 21, 2012 at 10:27 pm

Yeah, Mexicans are always like, 'Damn, we could use some more sand and racists around here.'

noodlesalad May 21, 2012 at 7:25 pm

Birthplace of father: Kenya, East Africa, Continent of Darkness, Third Socialist World, etc. etc. etc.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 21, 2012 at 7:27 pm

Oh, come on, now–isn't the REAL comedy gold the Hawaii AG's throwing the whole question back at Bennett? For instance:

(1) What list are you updating?
(2) Is it your normal procedure to update all entries on your list by requiring birth data verification?
(3) Are you requiring birth data verification of all entries on your list, rather than just targeting one name on your list? (please provide evidence that you are doing so)

and even gooder:

I asked you for legal authority that establishes your right to obtain verification, and your email of May 17, 2012 provides me with references to Arizona Revised Statutes 16-212, 16-301, 16-502, 16-507, and unnamed others. These statutes seem to deal with election of presidential electors, nomination of candidates for printing on official ballot of general or special election, form and contents of ballot, and presentation of presidential candidates on ballot, but none, as far as I can tell, establish the authority of the Secretary of State to maintain and update official lists of persons in the ordinary course of his activities.

So, how about it, Mr. Bennett? What makes you the guy who should get this information, huh?

Jill T. Nagamine, AG of Hawaii, I think I love you!

BerkeleyBear May 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

That's assistant AG, and get in line.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 21, 2012 at 7:46 pm

I stand a) corrected, b) in line, and c) by my man.

radio-of-owls May 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm
Mumbly_Libel May 21, 2012 at 7:43 pm

I love how Hawaii sends that email to him, at the same time that he's telling the Birthers in Arizona that, yes, he is singling out Obama, and no, this isn't part of the ordinary course of his activities. Right here:

Because of the importance and profile of the President’s case, and at the request of many constituents, I have gone the extra step of asking the State of Hawaii to verify the facts contained in his birth certificate.

Predictably, right after he gets that email from Hawaii, he storms off.

DashBarb Buddha May 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I like how the went from all Hi Jill, Hugs Ken to Ms.Nagamine and Mr. Bennet. The next greetings might well be Fuckface and Bitch.

Stay strong, HI.

sewollef May 21, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Read the whole thing on TPM…. one of the funniest reads this month. The middle finger from Hawaii is long as it is proud. And speaking with one voice:

Fuck you Arizona and the ass you rode in on!!

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 1:55 am

Inter-AG warfare!

Short Hawaiian AG Office: Ummm…who the fuck are you, again, and why should we care?

Texan_Bulldog May 21, 2012 at 7:29 pm

Actually the HI Deputy Attorney General Jill Nagamine's emails back to Bennett were much funnier. She basically tells him that unless he can prove he's qualified to get this info, he can go pound sound. She also demands proof that ALL the candidates were being required to show their birth certificates. Me thinks HI has had enough of this bullshit.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 21, 2012 at 7:33 pm

I like the way you think.

Texan_Bulldog May 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Back at you!

And I meant pound "sand" not "sound"– was in a hurry!

anniegetyerfun May 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm

I read it as "pound south" and it made perfect sense at the time.

Mumbly_Libel May 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

I have to admit, she's still showing way more class than I would in her shoes. In particular, I would have demanded to know the basis by which Ken Bennett was claiming authority as Arizona's Secretary of State, when I haven't personally seen proof that he's even a US citizen.

Chichikovovich May 21, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Yes, that would be tempting indeed. First I'd ask for the birth certificate, and then when he faxed me a copy, I'd say "an the official birth certificate", and then when that is sent overnight mail, "The print on this looks a bit off", I want to see your long form certificate. Then…..

shondi999 May 21, 2012 at 7:34 pm

From Phoenix New Times (2006):

That's right. If you haven't heard, Bennett's 18-year-old son, Clifton Bennett, and his pal Kyle Wheeler, 19, recently admitted to having forced broomsticks and flashlights into the rectums of 18 young boys during a youth camp "hazing ritual" last summer. The butt-probers defended themselves by pointing out that they tried to force the phony phalluses up the boys' bungholes through their clothing, but the teens could have saved their breath.

When your daddy's the state Senate president, you're almost certainly guaranteed a sweetheart deal.
http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/2006-04-20/news/mi

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 21, 2012 at 9:47 pm

This feels like blogwhoring to me, despite the fancy-looking site.

NEIN!

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 1:59 am

Sounds like a Mitt Romney prank.

WhatTheHeck May 21, 2012 at 7:35 pm

Ken Bennett,
Arizona Dept of Ret… Retired idiots.

weejee May 21, 2012 at 7:35 pm

How about the Feds cutting all checks to folks residing in Arizona. Infrastructure checks, SSI, retirement, Vet benefits, all. The reason is, of course, reason. This cluck, the Governor, assorted sheriffs, and so many other Arizona elected clearly demonstrate that the Grand Canyon State body politic is non compos mentis. Obviously, the Federales will have to decide who will assume guardianship, but that should be resolved in a decade or three.

spinozasgod May 21, 2012 at 10:06 pm

shouldn't they be required to go down to the social security office in DC each month and show their long form birth cerificate to get their checks?

Sparky McGruff May 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Perhaps the benefits can be reinstated as soon as they provide suitable evidence of their birth and citizenship. No,Mr. Teabagger, that form isn't sufficient. In fact, our investigation suggests that it may even be a forgery. Rinse, lather, repeat.

edgydrifter May 21, 2012 at 7:36 pm

I don't know what the punctuation mark for *wink-wink* looks like, but I'll bet the last paragraph of Bennet's email to the birthers had a shit-ton of them.

sati_demise May 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

haha, Ken Bennett. that is all you have to say around these parts, 'cause Prescott is his hometown

__kth__ May 21, 2012 at 7:37 pm

With all due respect, Ken Bennett "may be" a goatfucking halfwit.

Vecchiojohn May 21, 2012 at 9:43 pm

I'm not suggesting he is a goatfucking halfwit; I'm just asking the question.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:02 am

It'd be irresponsible not to speculate, after all, 'cause people have been asking "Is AZ SoS Ken Bennett a goatfucking halfwit?"

Guppy May 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

The Full Faith and Credit Clause doesn't apply to minority-majority states.

IT'S IN TEH CONSTITUSHUNNNN!!!111!!

Nostrildamus May 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I imagine the Emails from the HI dept. of health would make for entertaining reading as well.

SorosBot May 21, 2012 at 7:39 pm

I've heard that Mitt Romney is not a natural born citizen; but a robot, who was built, not born. Because of this, I demand that AG Bennett remove him from the ballot unless Romney can provide proof that he is in fact a human, and of woman born.

Mumbly_Libel May 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Worst. Adaptation of Macbeth. Ever.

CrankyLttlCamperette May 21, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Well, in Macbeth, almost everyone dies at the end.

JustPixelz May 22, 2012 at 6:41 am

death certificates or GTFO

Boredw/Gravitas May 22, 2012 at 10:28 am

Ken Bennett is a Mormon. He'd put Romney on the ballot even if he was not the repug's nominee.

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 7:40 pm

From HuffyPo's article on this crap:

"I'm not a birther. I believe the president was born in Hawaii — or at least I hope he was," Bennett said.

Another easy fix:

"I'm not pandering to the birthers. I'll just say that I believe the president was born in Hawaii — or at least I hope he was (hint, hint.)"

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:03 am

"I'm not a birther. I believe the president was born in Hawaii — or at least I hope he was," Bennett said.

Shorter Bennett: "I'm not a racist, but…"

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Also, auto – correct wants to change "birther" to "birth." As in, it wants to give birth to some common sense to replace the birther. Good luck with that plan, auto – correct…

Mumbly_Libel May 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

I told my auto-correct to stop doing that, which is to say, I told my computer to stop trying to correct birthers, as it's a completely fruitless effort.

valgal2342 May 21, 2012 at 7:42 pm

His bio has a few clues: http://www.azsos.gov/info/bio/htm

Ayn Rand Paul Tard May 21, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The little prick has already yanked this into page. Whut's he tryin' ta hide?!?!?!

valgal2342 May 21, 2012 at 10:35 pm

Odd, it won't link but you can google it. It's from the official
AZ Sec. of State site.

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm

Because of the importance and profile of the President’s case, and at the request of many constituents, I have gone the extra step of asking the State of Hawaii to verify the facts contained in his birth certificate.

Another easy fix:

Because of the growing possibility that the President will win re – election, and at the request of those who are paying me to carry out their whims, I have gone to the desperate measure of asking the State of Hawaii to verify the facts contained in his birth certificate, since we've got nothing else at this point.

/done

memzilla May 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm

It's past time for one of these toolbelt-porn reality shows to do an episode of who can build the biggest Sawzall and cut this abcess of a "state" off from the rest of the USA.

OneYieldRegular May 21, 2012 at 7:46 pm

We'll need to see Ken Bennett's DNA before complying with this request. Not a "random sample," because I've heard from Rep. Daniel Webster that "random" means "unscientific." So we'll need to see every single strand of it.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 4:35 am

But … will he blend?

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 7:47 pm

AND IF ANY OF YOU SUCKERS LIVE IN ARIZONA, EMAIL KEN BENNETT DEMANDING MITT ROMNEY’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE VERIFICATION TOO — LONG, SHORT, VAULT, STICKER, FACSIMILE, TRIPLICATE, PARCHMENT, VELLUM — ALL VERSIONS — HIS OATH OF OFFICE COMPELS HIM TO DEAL WITH YOUR SHIT.

http://www.azsos.gov/info/contact_us.htm

Exhausted66 May 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Looking forward to my one word message under the heading "Contact Sec. Bennett"
The one word being, fucktwit.

GlowneyHouse May 21, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Explain that you have heard through reputable media THAT MR. ROMNEY'S FATHER WAS BORN IN A MEXICAN POLYGAMIST COMPOUND AND MITTENS IS AN ANCHOR-BABY!!11!!

valgal2342 May 21, 2012 at 10:39 pm

I read somewhere on the inter tubes that The group Left Action has asked folks to send requests to SOS Ken's office to investigate whether Mitt Romney is a unicorn. So far, 3,600 requests have been sent.

TheMightyHaltor May 22, 2012 at 12:02 am

3,600 emails? Why that's three times more legitimate than that birther crap, right Ken?

Dashboard_Jesus May 22, 2012 at 1:38 am

wow what a Gomer this dude is, who the hell parts his hair down the middle like that anyway? I do like the 'Kids Page' tho, lots o' fun fer all the birther morons (see "What Secretaries Do/ Who Is Secretary") http://www.azsos.gov/public_services/kids/
"Ken Bennett is the Secretary of State. He started his job in January of 2009! He visits schools and neighborhoods to talk to you and your parents about his job. He's really friendly so if you see him, make sure to say hello." …and kick him in the nuts to see if he's human!

HarryButtle May 21, 2012 at 7:57 pm

If they're gonna keep this stupid shit up, they might want to rethink that whole "allowing ordinary citizens to pack heat in state buildings" thing. Just an observation, mind you, not a threat.

cbbruuno May 21, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I love the Hawaii Dept. of Health. I can just picture them all gathering around the computer when Bennet's e-mails arrive and them saying to each other "So how can we screw with him this time?"

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Instead of demanding Romney's warranty birth certificate, shouldn't we demand that he turn over all the marriage certificates for his various wives?

FakaktaSouth May 21, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Subject: RE: Your Oath of Office, Ken?

This subject heading is so lovely. I enjoy nothing better than being able to get a big old fuck you out of a comma and question mark. The derision is double plus good. For some reason, all I can think about is how I want to stomp my stiletto into Ken's foot and twist my ankle around.
He sucks balls in the bad way.

Butch_Wagstaff May 21, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Maybe he's bad at sucking balls because he's being trying to suck the Koch instead?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 21, 2012 at 8:05 pm

Still, it seems strange that Hawaii is ignoring the obvious fact that Obama is black, and therefore could not have been born in the United States.

smokefilledroommate May 21, 2012 at 8:08 pm

(1) What list are you updating?
(2) Is it your normal procedure to update all entries on your list by requiring birth data verification?
(3) Are you requiring birth data verification of all entries on your list, rather than just targeting one name on your list? (please provide evidence that you are doing so)

LOL!!

Also, I like how he gets his SOS office buddy Jim Drake to join in–was that an intimidation tactic?

ifthethunderdontgetya May 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

***AND IF ANY OF YOU SUCKERS LIVE IN ARIZONA, EMAIL KEN BENNETT DEMANDING MITT ROMNEY’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE VERIFICATION TOO

Unpossible. Lizard People from space are hatched from eggs, and do not have birth certificates. There is a date the egg was laid, and a date when the Reptiloid pecked through its shell.

That is all.
~

radio-of-owls May 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Seems like Bennett has some variant of a golden shower fetish, give his obsession with PPE.

not that Radio May 21, 2012 at 11:06 pm

Do Arizonans really need to wear hard hats, safety glasses, and ear protection while voting? Or getting peed on?

horsedreamer_1 May 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Ken Bennett's lack of a chin makes me think he is a secret Habsburg who is using the RWNJ love for Hayek as a means to reestablish the Papist Holy Roman Empire in the New World.

Blueb4sunrise May 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

errrrrrrrrrr, I lied. I don't live in Az. I live in uhhhhhhh…..Gdansk…that's it …Gdansk.

Also, that's for telling those in Az. to send Bennett an email, never woulda thought of it otherwise.

Skullfry Buddha May 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

The dude that is in charge of the names on the AZ ballot is also the co-chair of Romney's campaign?! That's Wiley Coyote level genius right there Once again, you can't spell Crazy without AZ.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Same thing with Katherine Harris in Florida. And you remember how well that worked out.

radio-of-owls May 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Well, yeah, but BOOBIES!

SorosBot May 21, 2012 at 8:23 pm

Well having the woman in charge of counting the Florida ballots as also the co-chair of Bush's campaign certainly didn't lead to any improprieties in the 2000 election.

Skullfry Buddha May 21, 2012 at 8:33 pm

Shit…I forgot about that. Crazy plan works. Fuck.—

Butch_Wagstaff May 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm

But she was on a mission from God who told her so through various voices in her head.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:07 am

There really should be a law against this…which is exactly why there isn't.

God Bless America!

lyssandri May 22, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I think the fact that he's Romney's co-chair needs to be mentioned in every single post made about this whole fiasco. In fact, my dream is for some reporter to ask Romney something along the lines of:

"Ken Bennett, the co-chair of your Arizona campaign, has been quoted recently as saying that if Hawaii does not respond to his request for validation of President Obama's birth certificate that he will not include Obama's name on the November ballot. I'd like to know if your campaign officials in other states are planning to make use of this same tactic and what message this sends to American voters about your commitment to democracy?"

Tundra Grifter May 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Kenya believe it?

smokefilledroommate May 21, 2012 at 8:24 pm

No, I cun't.

DrunkIrishman May 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Arizona – we're more crazy than Utah & Idaho combined!

spinozasgod May 21, 2012 at 10:13 pm

needz more FDLS

NellCote71 May 21, 2012 at 11:27 pm

Arizona, making Texas look less crazy than it is.

Come here a minute May 21, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Dear Arizona Secretary of State,

If you do not feel like I think you're a fucking retard, I apologize for failing to do my job properly.

Sincerely,
Hawaii Secretary of State

Tundra Grifter May 21, 2012 at 8:28 pm

From TPM:

"But during the interview, Bennett, a Republican and Mitt Romney’s Arizona co-chair, also said that if he doesn’t get a satisfactory answer from Hawaii, it’s 'possible' he’ll keep the president off the ballot in November."

Didn't we go through all this hot mess in 2000? Remember Wonkette's favorite Katherine Harris – Florida's Secretary of State and Chair of the Bush for President Committee?

Just how can people responsible for elections also serve as officials on the campaigns for candidates?

Skullfry Buddha May 21, 2012 at 8:38 pm

They not even trying to be discrete with this anymore

MosesInvests May 21, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Or discreet, even.

Skullfry Buddha May 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Yeah…what you said. Damn homophones. The should be locked away behind electric fences until they die.

MosesInvests May 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm

*Golf clap*

GeorgiaBurning May 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm

It worked great in Russia, before Gorbachev messed everything up. Makes it much easier to count the ballots.

MilwaukeeKent May 21, 2012 at 10:31 pm

(cough) Ken Blackwell, Ohio, 2004 (cough)

StealthMuslin May 21, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I want to see Ken Bennett's afterbirth certificate.

finallyhappy May 21, 2012 at 8:44 pm

really- because the nurse wanted me to look at the placenta after my son was born- I looked at the placenta(in my memory it was like a huge piece of liver) and then I vomited. Of course,this guy makes me want to vomit too

glasspusher May 21, 2012 at 11:09 pm

My son's was bright blue and red. Held it in a tray. I was asked if I wanted to put on gloves and hold it straightaway, but I declined. That was close enough. It did not nauseate me.

Skullfry Buddha May 21, 2012 at 8:48 pm

He IS the afterbirth. The actual child died.

sewollef May 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm

'Comedy Gold'? Really?

I'd call them Comedy Fucking Platinum…. and cheap at twice the price!

ttommyunger May 21, 2012 at 8:51 pm

Only a government employee would have to use 700 words to say "Fuck Off".

BerkeleyBear May 21, 2012 at 9:19 pm

You don't know any attorneys who bill by the hour, do you? Because I know I've spent literally reams of paper saying "fuck off" in one way or another and 700 words would be damn concise.

ttommyunger May 21, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I stand corrected. I didn't consider attorneys… I rarely do.

owhatever May 21, 2012 at 9:15 pm

If Arizona is so stuck on American law, then where the hell was it when the America wrote up its own birth certificate? Arizona wasn't a part of that, because the people weren't Americans and were not invited to the party. Finally, Mexico realized Arizona wasn't worth fighting for because it was so full of crazy people, and now refuses to take it back.

Egregious644 May 21, 2012 at 9:34 pm

Hmmm?

*****
Arizona Revised Statutes 16-1010
Refusal by election officer to perform duty; violation of election law; classification

A person charged with performance of any duty under any law relating to elections who knowingly refuses to perform such duty, or who, in his official capacity, knowingly acts in violation of any provision of such law, is guilty of a class 6 felony unless a different punishment for such act or omission is prescribed by law.
***** http://www.azleg.gov/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ar

spinozasgod May 21, 2012 at 10:15 pm

looks like someone needs a year in the AZ privatized prison system.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:11 am

This honestly needs to be it's own post, here, and then retweeted to the ends of the earth.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:46 am

Oops. Official AZ inquiry to Detroit's public records office coming in 3, 2, 1…

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 5:46 am

You know, it's totally a rumor, but I heard Mitt was actually born across the river in Windsor.

#notintendedasanactualrumor

fuflans May 21, 2012 at 9:57 pm

ha! i said this!! the other day!!! on some other post!!!!

(if i were in the 'top ten of several rankings' HI i'd be getting pretty fucking sick of this crap from 'usually ranks in the bottom of every table' AZ).

and i was right!!! (this never happens to me…).

of course, i could never find that post now as i am lazy and often drunk which is why i am seldom right. but still!!!

HuddledMass May 21, 2012 at 10:01 pm

Wonketters, you're missing the creepy background on this Bennett guy – the story goes that "when he was the Senate president in 2006 and his son got busted for shoving 'broomsticks and flashlights into the rectums of 18 boys in at least 40 incidents at a youth camp in June' and got away with it… then went off on a Mormon mission?"

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:44 am

There's not a whole lof of difference between bowing down to Jeebus, and bending over for him.

IonaTrailer May 21, 2012 at 10:35 pm

I used to live in Honolulu, and the Japanese bureaucrats who run the State are extremely good at stone-walling and zori-dragging. Good luck Arizona.

DahBoner May 22, 2012 at 10:04 am

Manana? How about never, roundeyes?

johnnyzhivago May 21, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Mitt Romney has no birth certificate, but I'm sure he came with an owner's manual and one of those fill in the blank warranty cards.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:41 am

Good thing they has the munniez for the extended warranty.

smokefilledroommate May 21, 2012 at 11:53 pm

Help Me! My boyfriend/husband type person (together 11 years but we're not married) is playing 8-bit renditions of Kid A songs on his MacBook*… It's somehow strangely soothing.. People here seem concerned that at my age (39) I don't have children..
We're geeks and unconventional people anyway, but in Arizona, we are the only ones here like this!!!
Help!!

*should not have divulged this info

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:39 am

My advice at this point is, don't leave the house without your papers.

Troglodeity May 22, 2012 at 12:09 am

"If the State of Hawaii does not confirm that he was born in Hawaii, his name will not appear on Arizona ballots." – I'm Mitt Romney's Arizona campaign co-chair, and I approved this message.

BZ1 May 22, 2012 at 12:28 am

I love that Jill T. Nagamine, Hawaii's Deputy Attorney General asked for Bennett's papers!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:37 am

She's clearly having a hell of a lot of fun with these jokers. I hope Bennett has to prove who HE is, with a certified birf cert. And that he then gets told, "sorry, we need the long form."

angelfoot May 22, 2012 at 12:37 am

O.K., let's stipulate that Obama was born in Hawaii, but has anyone proved that Hawaii is actually a state?

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 22, 2012 at 1:20 am

Let's see Arizona's certificate of being a state. It was a Confederate state and declared as such by an illegal President, let's not forget.

valthemus May 22, 2012 at 2:36 am

Hawaii is a state. But considering how all these birthers are running around talking smack about how shitty their record-keeping is, they might decide the mainland is too stupid to deserve them and secede.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:36 am

They should just start charging, say, $500 for a certified copy. They could turn a tidy profit off of all the birther morons.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:00 am

Bulldoze this whole fucking mess they call a state into the Grand Canyon; no one has lost any.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 3:33 am

It gets better: "On Monday morning, two men self-identified as being from the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office in Phoenix went to the [Honolulu] DOH office requesting a verification Obama's birth certificate, according to DOH spokeswoman Janice Okubo."

Yep, Bennett spent AZ state funds to send TWO of his goons to Hawaii, to further advance his little personal unicorn hunt. You won't believe what they're finding!

Tundra Grifter May 22, 2012 at 11:36 am

Sounds more like Sheriff Joe's "Cold Case Posse" than the Secretary of State's office.

JustPixelz May 22, 2012 at 6:49 am

Repubican inability to discern fact from fiction on something as rudimentary as Obama's birthplace explains everything about how they govern.

tahlula May 22, 2012 at 9:58 am

Didn't they have to verify this before they put him on the ballot the last time? I smell a dereliction of duty…

DahBoner May 22, 2012 at 10:02 am

They have birth certificates in Mexico????

Sure. Romney's got a tortilla or something comemorating his birth down there…

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 4:43 pm

A small corn one, or a big long-form wheat one?

jakegittes May 22, 2012 at 10:57 am

". . .probable cause that the birth certificate posted on the Whitehouse website 'may be' a forgery"? Fuck you, Ken Bennett. That ain't probable cause. You need "probable cause" that it is a forgery, not that it "may be".

Biel_ze_Bubba May 22, 2012 at 4:46 pm

A black man saying that something's so, in Arizona, is probable cause for thinking that it ain't.

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