LUNTZ IT UP  5:32 pm May 21, 2012

John Boehner Can Not Believe The Gall Of Barack Obama Wanting A Clean Vote On The Debt Ceiling (VIDEO)

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

And then he didn't invite me to play golf ...Human tear factory John Boehner is shocked — shocked! — that no-goodnik President Divisive wants a “clean” debt limit increase without matching spending cuts. You perhaps remember that this was a big fucking deal last year when all the Tea Party freshman simultaneously went all bananas on John Boehner’s ass and refused to pay for what Congress had already spent, because that is just good, responsible budgeting like we all do at home, and this caused the nation’s credit to be downgraded to “Gingrich Campaign.” You may also remember that they eventually, after much derping, agreed that there would be a mix of cuts to programs cherished by each side if’n they couldn’t come up with a compromise on their own. They failed, the “sequester” (cuts) was supposed to take effect, and then HEY HOWDY! just a week or so ago they decided that all their side’s cuts would come from the Democrat side of the aisle. That is so weird and totally unexpected! So that is all just “context” for why President The Worst would be all nah John Boehner not this time just raise the fucking debt ceiling no games mang, and now John Boehner, he is breathless with the gall! And that is how it is Barack Obama’s fault that the Republicans in the House will let the nation default!

Also, here is a thing the Right that has been saying lately: that spending cuts will head off “austerity” like they are having in Europe (which is actually spending cuts?), and not the exact opposite. Framing! Watch for it! It’s fun!

[DailyCaller]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 86 comments }

Limeylizzie May 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

The Tan Man will weep when Barry kicks his ass in this Debt Limit fight…..I hope, I am an optimist.

Mumbletypeg May 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Boehner says he wants to "get the conversation started."
I like to imagine it starting something like this. Their expressions say it all.

Boojum May 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm

I'll start:

"John. Fuck you."

miss_grundy May 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm

I second that emotion and add, Boner, I will kick your ass up and down Pennsylvania Ave., you f*cking cracker.

(I feel so much better now……)

Come here a minute May 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

John Boehner likes that Greek yogurt and now he thinks he wants to do everything like the Greeks.

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 5:51 pm

So he also does Greek?

Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit while typing that…

Limeylizzie May 21, 2012 at 6:03 pm

Buggers for Boehner PAC.

Boojum May 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm

Santorum is Greek? I thought it was Latin.

DerrickWildcat May 21, 2012 at 5:36 pm

RON PAUL WILL VOTE AGAINST THE THE WHATEVER THING!
2012!!!

Barb May 21, 2012 at 5:37 pm

This guy is an ad for Paxil.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

I had a Labrador retriever named Paxil. He was far more effective than any pill.

flamingpdog May 21, 2012 at 6:35 pm

I take Paxil. I still can't stand Boner.

ChilLysol May 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

“When the president told me yesterday that he wanted a clean increase in the debt limit, it almost took my breath away,”

That wasn't Barry, John. That was the Glenfiddich.

Jus_Wonderin May 21, 2012 at 5:41 pm

No, I am not watching that. Sorry. Even if my comment is uninformed, I will not watch it.

ManchuCandidate May 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm

People say I'm the head of the party
Because I am a joke or two
Although I might be bitching loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm another hue
So take a good look at my (orange) face
You'll see my snarl looks out of place
If you look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears.

Lascauxcaveman May 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm

Smokey Libel!!

(Two kinds, actually.)

Crank_Tango May 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Dear Editrix, I believe the proper term for Mr. Boehner is "tear distillery," because, drunk.

Lascauxcaveman May 21, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Everyone's tears are salty, but Boner's tears also taste strongly of juniper berry and green, pimiento-stuffed olives.

anniegetyerfun May 21, 2012 at 6:32 pm

Aw, don't say that! That makes him somewhat attractive to me!

V572 Is this him? May 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm

Yeah but it's Gordon's gin, generic vermouth and an olive from the bottom of a giant Costco jar so old the fat's congealed in the brine.

Lascauxcaveman May 21, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Mmm, that reminds me. I've got a *new* jar of those Costco giant green olives stuffed w/garlic and jalapeño. And a half bottle of Bombay Sapphire a friend left at my place last week.

Mmmartinis 2nite at the Caveman cave!

fuflans May 21, 2012 at 5:44 pm

everybody knows austerity is the economic model you use when you need to get the black man out of the white house.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 21, 2012 at 5:48 pm

See? White people victimized by the blahs and the mainstream media just ignores it. TYPICAL.

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

spending cuts will head off “austerity” like they are having in Europe

Spending cuts differ from austerity now? What say ye, Wikipedia, about the definition of austerity?

In economics, austerity refers to a policy of deficit-cutting by lowering spending often via a reduction in the amount of benefits and public services provided.

Yeah, let's head off austerity by practicing austerity…makes perfect sense!

Lascauxcaveman May 21, 2012 at 6:04 pm

IMSIYR.

(It makes sense if you're Republican.)

rickmaci May 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

"In economics, austerity refers to a policy of deficit-cutting by lowering spending often via a reduction in the amount of benefits and public services provided."

The Dems need to stop talking in Republieandcon euphemisms and tell people what "austerity" really means — Grandma's social security and medicare are on the chopping block.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 21, 2012 at 6:32 pm

and also tell them that's exactly what's being proposed.

horsedreamer_1 May 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm

I am surprised the GOP would go in for backdoor Soylent Green, as it involves three things the base abhors: meat substitutes, Popery, & environmentalism.

bikerlaureate May 21, 2012 at 10:31 pm

Austerity is Abundance.

Antispandex May 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm

Teapublican economics explained for you: By Antispandex.
You see, if only the poor, and programs that benefit them take a beating, those are "responsible cuts we just have to make". If the rich are asked to pay even one penny more, that's "austerity", and that's bad. You don't EVEN want to go there…..you're welcome.

Not_So_Much May 21, 2012 at 5:52 pm

I kind of thought we'd be done with the crying Oompa-Loompa by now. Clearly, he isn't chain-smoking enough.

edgydrifter May 21, 2012 at 5:53 pm

John Boehner hasn't been this shocked since he discovered ice melting in his whiskey.

Boojum May 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

I-C-E goes into the anus, not the whiskey.

Sparky McGruff May 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm

The whiskey doesn't stay in the glass long enough for ice to melt.

Callyson May 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

The Daily Caller's reporter's name is Ballasy?

Well, I suppose it is rather ballsy to distort the reporting on the issues the way the Daily Caller does…

anniegetyerfun May 21, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Can you imagine having a black guy boss you around like that? Seriously, so annoying all the time.

deanbooth May 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm

It's like your dog telling you to get off the couch. It violates the natural order!

chascates May 21, 2012 at 5:55 pm

Instead of E pluribus unum change the wording on the seal to Iustus pro uber.

swordfis May 21, 2012 at 10:59 pm

right for the rich?

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:32 am

Justice for the wealthy?

glamourdammerung May 21, 2012 at 5:56 pm

And no one will start running ads about this nonsense with the GOP hostage taking stupidity yet again.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

We must destroy all social programs in order to save them!

iburl May 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

…from helping needy people.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

and that's why you privatize social security!

V572 Is this him? May 21, 2012 at 6:38 pm

And it's the reason to turn Medicare into a gift-card program.

CapnFatback May 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

The President may have the gall, but Boehner is all bladder.

OldWhiteLies May 21, 2012 at 5:57 pm

It's that special repug math:

X = DefinitelyNot(X)

See how that works? So let's apply this lesson.

Austerity = DefinitelyNotAusterity.

Quiz on Friday, folks …

SorosBot May 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm

See, in their world, damaging austerity are tax increases on the rich and cuts in military spending, which don't really damage the economy, while cuts to social services that make life harder for the poor and middle class and really fuck up the economy are the good type of austerity.

HippieEsq May 21, 2012 at 6:00 pm

"and this caused the nation’s credit to be downgraded to 'Gingrich Campaign.'"

Holy sh$t, that means the only place the USG will have access to credit is Tiffany and the Atlanta Zoo.

iburl May 21, 2012 at 6:02 pm

"No Games Mang" is not a bad replacement slogan for the now ridiculous "Hope" slogan.

sbj1964 May 21, 2012 at 6:07 pm

Boehner's tan is actually darker than President Obama.OBAMA GOT A WHITE MOMMA!

Maman May 21, 2012 at 6:08 pm

Who does that boy think he is? President of the United States?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 21, 2012 at 6:10 pm

You have to admire the consistency of the GOP, as I'm sure we all remember how during the seven times that George W. Bush asked for the Debt Ceiling to be raised as he doubled the deficit, the Republicans insisted on him cutting taxes and placing the wars off budget, which lead to the wonderful fiscal health we are in currently.

owhatever May 21, 2012 at 6:11 pm

Iffen I don't my Social Security on time, I cain't buy more cigarettes, beer and ammonition to protect my fambly. Dang gummint.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 21, 2012 at 6:13 pm
Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

This, also, too.

E.g.

Within months of taking office, Bush delivered a tax break to the rich that trumps anything he accomplished through the actual tax code. "The most important thing the Bush administration did in the whole area of taxes," says Johnston, "was to kill tax harmonization."

"Tax harmonization" was economic jargon for a joint project by the world's developed countries to shut down offshore tax havens in places like the Cayman Islands. At the time, such illicit havens were costing U.S. taxpayers $70 billion a year. For Republicans, going after big-time tax evaders should have been as American as apple pie. As Reagan once said of such cheats: "When they do not pay their taxes, someone else does – you and me."

V572 Is this him? May 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I hope you're not assassinating the character of a certain presidential candidate who has stashed millions in the Caymans.

horsedreamer_1 May 21, 2012 at 6:54 pm

We're going to assassinate him with deposit slips.

/Palin'd

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 22, 2012 at 1:57 am

Millions? That'd be pedestrian. I reckon a couple of hundred million, a few tens of which are declared to Uncle Samuel.

edit: at one point before I moved to the US, I looked into opening a Cayman Islands account to, um, open up some tax options. My face was laughed in because I didn't have a quarter of a million bucks. Don't have that, they won't even talk to you. Those are the low-end of Caymans banking.

fuflans May 21, 2012 at 10:24 pm

i keep both of these fact filled missives (along with the recent jeffrey toobin new yorker on roberts / citizens united) at the ready whenever i know i'm seeing the 'righter' parts of my family.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 22, 2012 at 1:56 am

Just a moment, let me get the book that Radio recommended…

Hacker & Pierson's "winner-take-all politics"

It's the Rolling Stone article on steroids and backed up with policy research from many, many sources – and not all left-wing.

The Republicans, as we all know, really are intent on neo-feudalism.

imissopus May 21, 2012 at 6:16 pm

Weeping boner is weeping.

imissopus May 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Also I believe most of the G8 countries came out of last week's Camp David meetings pledging more pro-spending policies and fewer austerity policies. Presumably the leaders have recognized the austerity thing hasn't worked. Which Boehner might know if he paid half as much attention to the world around him as he does to his daily bottle of scotch.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 21, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Oh, he knows that. He just doesn't care.

V572 Is this him? May 21, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Because the Republicans don't really give a fuck about balancing the budget or reducing the national debt—look at how they behaved when Chimpy was still in office. Anyone who's taken high school economics knows that budget deficits and national debt are tools to manage the economy, not some shameful failure of will. And who was it that said "Reagan proved deficits don't matter"?

This is all about getting rid of Medicare to free up more money to shovel at defense contractors, and letting Wall Street get their hands on FICA.

pdiddycornchips May 21, 2012 at 10:23 pm

It's not just Chimpy. I can't understand why someone doesn't point out to Paul Ryan how his love for deficit reduction seems to ebb and flow depending on who's in the White House. It's as if Republicans were transported here in January of '09 on the wings of angels, sent here to preach the gospel of deficit reduction. These fuckers have a record. Their record shows when they're in charge, deficits balloon, spending goes way up and the rich get a tax cut.

Fukui-sanRadioBarb May 22, 2012 at 1:50 am

These fuckers have a record. Their record shows when they're in charge, deficits balloon, spending goes way up and the rich get a tax cut.

And most of the electorate let the fuckers get away with it and then complain about it, which is inexcusable. Or should be, if Dem messaging was any good.

Clinton said "We're Eisenhower Republicans now" about the Democrats because he managed to get a budget surplus.

Naturally, that all fucked up with the shaven pongid.

starfanglednut May 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

Truer words, Fukui, truer words.

pdiddycornchips May 21, 2012 at 10:12 pm

"most of the G8 countries came out of last week's Camp David meetings pledging more pro-spending policies and fewer austerity policies."

Then, they cooked and ate the livers of Tim Geithner and Christine Lagarde along with a fine Chianti.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:37 am

They didn't recognized that austerity hasn't worked. What happened was that Merkel lost her poodle.

OldWhiteLies May 21, 2012 at 6:19 pm

Allow me, I speak mang

It means no fuckin roun wi de peepoe's munnee, du ju unnerstan? Oh, why de fuck I even try, mang. Ju too fuck in de head, mang. Hey, hombre, ju du no ju is orange, ri mang?

(No rediculously overindulged stereotypes were harmed in the creation of this snark.)

swordfis May 21, 2012 at 11:01 pm

ju du no ju is orange, ri mang?

Excellent

PuglyDoRight May 21, 2012 at 6:28 pm

Spending Cuts = Austerity everywhere but in FoxWorld. God forbid that the GOP do anything "clean."

pinkocommi May 21, 2012 at 6:42 pm

It is as though the Republitards WANT us to take to the fucking streets.

johnnyzhivago May 21, 2012 at 6:48 pm

They want you to eat cake – it drives up the stock of bakery businesses.

LionHeartSoyDog May 21, 2012 at 9:14 pm

So as to more efficiently *clean* them.

johnnyzhivago May 21, 2012 at 6:45 pm

Austerity is for European pussies! Spending cuts are beefy and delicious! I'll take mine medium rare.

TanzbodenKoenig May 21, 2012 at 6:46 pm

Here's the plan. Lets just build the dang fence around D.C. (and possibly Arizona and Florida) and then we can just start over again. Who wants to be team captains?

horsedreamer_1 May 21, 2012 at 6:56 pm

In this Washington, D.C., staging of "The Rules of Abstraction", Boehner is James van der Beek to Obama's Clifton Collins, Jr.

I just hope they find DC's hottest pol to be Shannyn Sossymon.

Nopantsmcgee May 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm

"…that spending cuts will head off “austerity” like they are having in Europe…"

Yes, changing the name from something other than the gay, FOREIGN sounding 'austerity' will work. 'Cause changing 'French fries" to "Freedom Fries" is what really killed Bin Laden, ya know.

Beowoof May 21, 2012 at 7:11 pm

The way Boner drinks, I would be surprised if had any liver left, let alone a gall bladder.

ttommyunger May 21, 2012 at 8:37 pm

I know why the orange man cries: the man in the White House is way smarter than him, the guys on Wall Street are jerking him around for the moneez and the Tea Party Types are constantly out of step with the Corporate Republican Program. Nobody pays any attention to anything he says, which is good, because he doesn't know what he's talking about, anyway. It's always the same mantra: Obama bad, Us, good, just different nouns.

pdiddycornchips May 21, 2012 at 10:05 pm

If Obama hurt the Republicans feelings again, he's going to have to make it up to them with his usual combination of tax cuts for rich people and drastic cuts to the social safety net. It's only right.

bikerlaureate May 21, 2012 at 10:35 pm

it almost took my breath away

… that anyone would expect a Republican leader to honor an agreement they made a whole year ago.

Negropolis May 22, 2012 at 2:28 am

Oh, John. You are so gone, next session, no matter if your party keeps the House or not. It's going to be Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi or Speaker of the House Eric Cantor. Boehner's going back to being "that one dude from that one place in that one state that rhymes with Ohio."

V572 Is this him? May 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm

You’ve got the right kind of friends…mine drink all the gin. Must say I’m not an enthusiast about those particular olives…the garlic and jalapeño kind of overpower everything else.

By the way, I think it was anniegetyerfun who tipped me off the Hendrick’s gin. It’s outrageously expensive but has such a delicate and enjoyable taste you actually want to cut back your vermouth to enjoy it more. Also it's 86 proof so you don't get ploughed too fast, as sometimes occurs with those 100-proofers.

Have a great evening!

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