In case the Ambien-vodka cocktail didn't do the trick.

What is our beloved most recent former GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin doing to claim a paycheck these days? The grifter quitter queen is executing nasal drone strikes on Kansas voters with delusional voice messages informing them that despite the best available geographic information to the contrary, they are all secretly living in Texas, unbeknownst to themselves. “Hello, Texas. I’m Sarah Palin,” is the actual most chilling ear spam anyone who believed him or herself to be outside Texas borders could hear upon picking up the phone. The nation as a result has collectively decided that it needs a powerful sedative, the only possible explanation for InTrade’s current top five most bankable picks for this year’s vice-presidential running mate. Who are they? Everyone tucked in and ready for their comas?

Via GOP12:

1. Rob Portman 22.0

2. Marco Rubio 16.2

3. Chris Christie 8.0

4. Mitch Daniels 6.8

5. Tim Pawlenty 6.0

That’s right, Tim “Who?” Pawlenty is making GOP popularity contest lists again, along with Rob “Huh?” Portman, Mitch “Whatever” Daniels, Marco “Paul Ryan is hotter” Rubio, and the fat one. America hasn’t slept this soundly since it first got word that whiny butt Newt Gingrich was being forced out of office way back in the nineties. [GOP12]

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