What is our beloved most recent former GOP vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin doing to claim a paycheck these days? The grifter quitter queen is executing nasal drone strikes on Kansas voters with delusional voice messages informing them that despite the best available geographic information to the contrary, they are all secretly living in Texas, unbeknownst to themselves. “Hello, Texas. I’m Sarah Palin,” is the actual most chilling ear spam anyone who believed him or herself to be outside Texas borders could hear upon picking up the phone. The nation as a result has collectively decided that it needs a powerful sedative, the only possible explanation for InTrade’s current top five most bankable picks for this year’s vice-presidential running mate. Who are they? Everyone tucked in and ready for their comas?
Via GOP12:
1. Rob Portman 22.0
2. Marco Rubio 16.2
3. Chris Christie 8.0
4. Mitch Daniels 6.8
5. Tim Pawlenty 6.0
That’s right, Tim “Who?” Pawlenty is making GOP popularity contest lists again, along with Rob “Huh?” Portman, Mitch “Whatever” Daniels, Marco “Paul Ryan is hotter” Rubio, and the fat one. America hasn’t slept this soundly since it first got word that whiny butt Newt Gingrich was being forced out of office way back in the nineties. [GOP12]
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Where's Mormon baptized Jeebus on this list?
Right here!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46PXaJxzuDE
And WHERE THE HELL is Sarah Palin?
C'mon, Mitt, this is a slam dunk! You put her on the ticket, and none of the chicks will vote for Hillary this time!
Fuck that noise, why aren't you liveblogging the Corey Booker mea culpa on Rachel?!
None of these guys is a big fucking deal.
Except Christie. He is quite a BIG deal.
One of these five ass clowns is going to be one artificial heartbeat away from being President. Good luck suckers!
We better hope none of Mitten's robot codes goes faulty…
Rachel seems to be going all in on defending Corey in her interview preamble. I think she's "straight" for him.
DAAANG I am watching the end of the Celtics game, HANG ON. Also, what do you think?
Trying to listen, in between jumping to snarky conclusions.
That's merited, though. I think I'll forgive him, I always do, I am nice. Aight to the DVR! Come on sweet thang, make me feel better! (you or Cory, whoever.)
Woo hoo! Celts put the hurt on those Indy fairies.
Let's go Celtics
LET'S. GO. CELTICS.
Love.
Hey, lay off with the time machine, will ya? I still got money on the next Celts-Sixers game.
Playing 7 at this point is still weird to me. I hope your money's on Skeletor and Crew – Go Boston.
Speaking of NBA, watched the LA/OKC game last night and realized that there were more black people on the floor than in the whole rest of the arena. Talk about whitebread…
I've yet to accept that OKC has a pro-basketball team. They are just giving them away to anyone, these days, huh? lol
She'll have to elbow Limey Lizzie out of the way first!
I love how neither of them really got to what was actually making everyone mad 'til near the end of the interview, and even then they just kind of hit it. You know, the whole conflating the Reverend Wright attacks to the legitimate attacks on Mitt Romney's time at Bain.
I also like how they still don't seem to get that another huge part of this is that no one during this entire presidential debate has questioned the legitimacy of private equity, and that Booker kind of raised an issue that never was (i.e. Dems attacking private equity). Not only was there a false equivalency in what he said, but a straw man, at that. He went out of his way to address something that hadn't even been raised.
The media keeps covering this as a "gaffe." A gaffe is an accident; a gaffe is misspeaking. A gaffe is "keeping fucking that chicken." A gaffe never earnestly starts with "I have to just say from a very personal level…"
Somebody besides Rachel should have interviewed him. But then, he would never have done the interview.
You know, I don't much mind personal loyalty, so I'm not really mad at Rachel. Though, I do think she should have stated at the very front of the interview for those that don't follow her show regularly that she and Booker are friends.
Haha, I think I'll have another.
I saw what you did there!
I would vote for that horse any day
I hope they go with Rob Portman. I — and most of America — have never heard of him.
Is he a middle aged white guy by any chance?
Which bank does he work for, Goldman Sachs or JP Morgan? Is he the mayor of Bumfuck or Greasewater, Iowa? Is he an Independent or Southern Baptist? Is he a Birther or a Bircher?
No one had heard of Dan Quayle, either, and that dumb-ass became the Vice President of the United States. Vice presidential picks don't mean shit unless they are particularly bad (i.e. Sarah "Failin" Palin).
Yes, but Bush the Elder was running against Dukakis, so he really didn't need much of a boost from the VP pick. Romney needs some juice out of his VP nominee.
Coincidentally, Chris Christie is also an 8.0 on the Richter scale.
Is a Richter Scale what they use at those CHP stops off the freeways to weigh semi trucks?
Doesn't Christie have to use those runaway truck ramps even in his Lexus?
Barkeep… six long-form birf certificates, please… and a Taitz chaser.
Can I see a menu, too? And what's the sauce for the goose today? Same as the gander, right?
Corey says you can't equate the crazy Wright and racist attacks against Obama to whatever about Romney. So why did he say it? Smells like brain fart or phony. Go on…
What's the over/under for Romney/Ryan?
I look forward to Joe saying, "come on, man" to each and any one of these dipshits.
6. Mema 5.8
Oh, that is good. That is very good indeed.
Sarah with her magical geography – got to love it.
Uh oh. I know a certain Louisiana governor who is going to totally unfriend some people from his MySpace. Because he still uses MySpace.
I think Natalie Portman is pretty, but will her vegan lifestyle help or hurt mittens?
Am I supposed to feel sorry for Corey Booker over his completely self-inflicted wound? If the Republicans didn't bank this gift out of his big fat mouth, the world would truly be upside down. Yes, I'm blaming the "victim."
I think on mtp he tried to throw a bone to his corporate republican overlords while being a 'sincere' surrogate for the President and he wasn't talented enough to pull it off. That being said, I'd hit it. And I'm totally gay.
OH MY GOD RACHEL'S WEARING MAKEUP!!! She IS straight for him!!! Lipstick! Whoa. also, all choked up. She lurves him.
Sorry. You were saying, he's a butt, I know. Everybody gets one. ONE huge fundraising day for the Republicans. THAT pisses me off.
Rachel hearts Cory, Rachel hearts Cory….
In truth, I believe they are college friends from Stanford. She threw a lifeline to her friend. There is that saying, a friend helps you move, a good friend helps you hide the bodies. So tonight she helped him try to bury the problem. Guess I can't go too hard on her for that.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Mitch Daniels.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
Surely that list can't be correct, as Mephistopheles is nowhere on it.
I support wife number 3.
I'm all over that list, trust me.
- Joe the Plumber
- Francine the Plumber
- The Unabomber
- Octomom
- Chumley from Pawn Stars
The Unaplumber, Octoplumber, and Plumbley from Plumb Stars.
/fixed
Oh that was good. That was damned good.
and the 40/1 long shot, Casey Anthony.
Too soon!
Don't forget the leader of the plumbers G. Gordon.
Who are people that are too charismatic to run as VP with Mitt Romney?
Mike Rowave, W.T. Dishrag, Tay Bell, N. Animate Object.
Okay, I've waited all day for it to show up on Wonkette, so the shit get's real, but this damn dick sucker mouth is forcing me to make a tenuous association.
Let's put George Tierney of Greenville, SC on the list shall we?
http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2012/05/20/internet-…
Keep in mind, on October 26, 2009, the man says "people whos are disrespectful, deserve the same inreturn"
Are you talking about George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina? Cuz I heard that George Tierney of Greenville South Carolina doesn't like it when you talk about George Tierney of Greenville South Carolina
Is he single?
Man, George Tierney of Greenville, SC sounds like a class act. It certainly hope we don't create any legal trouble for our own Editrix simply by talking about George Tierney of Greenville, SC and his cluelessness on the ways of the internet. Otherwise obvious crazy person George Tierney of Greenville, SC might own the google someday, along with the rest of the internet.
Is that George Tierney who works in the golf industry? George Tierney who owns a business and claims to be a father? THAT George Tierney?
He's a terrible person. May he never be hired for another job again.
George Tierney of Greenville, SC is totally doubling down on his Twitter feed as we speak. Including calling Obama a n****r. Also upset that people won't leave his father alone. Guess we should start specifying that we are talking about George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC being a sociopathic asshat, and not George Tierney Sr., who only fathered the sociopathic asshat George Tierney Jr. of Greenville, SC (and apparently didn't smack the shit out of him enough when he was a kid.)
Well, he has made a point about being George Tierney JR of Greenville, SC. Like, repeatedly. The awesome part is that he says the word "cunt" over and over again, but abbreviates "goddamn" to "gd". Because he's a Christian.
Oh my — I hope George Tierney of Greenville, SC is so famous he never gets laid again. Even his beagle should be avoiding him at this point.
Can I just say that Sandra Fluke's response to that d-bag, George Tierney of Greenville, South Carolina, was perfect?
Chris Christie lost everything by being seen with a Dumbocrat in his silly, taxpayer dollar wasting video made for New York's gay-jewish media establishment.
Sorry, he's finished – can't have a vice president who actually personally has known or even spoken to a member of the other party.
Rob Portman is Bobby Jindal in whiteface.
A non starter.
I have always been under the assumption that Jindal was the whitest man in the GOP, though. What can I believe, if not for that? The existential crisis is mounting.
Woah! When did you get back?
And Chris Christie is Jindal in fatface.
I am still preparing by examining that Canadian Immigration thing again.
Was Romney born in Canada or Mexico?
Hey – what about brown face sun-tan mom???
She's from New Jersey (Christ Christie vote), brown (for blahs and messicans), female (as far as we know) and —->>>> a mom!!!!
4 checkoff points!!!!
Plus, she would have John Boehner's instant respect.
Are we sure about this? The likes of Christie the Hutt are somewhat high on the evil list, sure, but I think Romney's list is a little more pure evil:
1. Victor von Doom
2. Lex Luthor
3. Chancellor Palpatine
4. Mayor Richard Wilkins III
5. Montgomery Burns
6. Loki
7. Count Vlad "Dracula" Tepes
8. Megatron
9. Sauron the Maiar
10. Dick Cheney
You're forgetting the #1 number #2 of all time – Martin Bormann.
Although – supposedly he's dead.
I think the biggest problem I have with this list is that you placed Sauron (who was admittedly Morgoth's second-fiddle) and Dick Cheney so close to the bottom.
Sorry, Tolkien nerd has to be a Tolkien nerd-Maiar is plural. The singular is Maia.
You left out Gilles de Rais.
11. John Mayer
I read Sauron the Maiar as Golda Meir. lol
I'm sure it is only because The Movie has not opened yet that you did not include the obvious: Bane.
Obama's statement at NATO on private equity was good. Nominally said it was a neutral tool aimed at making money primarily, and that if Romney, who won't run on his Massachusetts record, wants to run for President on Bain, making money is not The Job, and furthermore, his record as a Bain man is worth scrutiny
Just like the liberal media, trying to examine Mitt's record to find some kind of "gotcha".
It's not fair to talk about the swath of destruction in both human lives and (gasp!) capital that Bain left in its wake — it's only fair to let Mitt lie about it uncontestedly.
Which is the only thing he's been saying for, like, ever. Instead, we get Booker putting this strawman up that the president and his allies have been on the warpath against the very idea of private equity, which is nothing more than the Republican talking point, which morphed, today, into "the president is against free enterprise."
This particular lie drives me up the wall for the sole fact that Obama is about as a centrist as you can get on issues of finance. Hell, the Republicans' attack just before this Booker shit was that the administration was packed with private equity stooges selling America down the river.
Gawd, Teh Stupid, she burns!
As long as someone gets rich it's OK… right? Quit stomping on the Anerican Dream.
Whoever gets the VP nod will need to be able to tolerate Mitt's wacky sense of humor. He'll need to put up with the Tackle With a Hair Cut, “You're fired…. just kidding”, “Pull my finger”, and the ever popular “Hey! Who just grabbed my ass!”
I was hoping it would be Sarah again, for the slut vote, also.
I imagine the brilliant minds in Romneyville are looking at Rubio and saying, "Look! A brown! We got that vote locked baby!", blissfully ignorant of the fact that the Cubans are far from being beloved by their fellow beaners. You know, the ones that make up the overwhelming majority of the Hispanic population.
Cuban, Mexican, Salvadoran…what the hell's the difference? Ya seen one spic you seen 'em all, right? *guffaw*
You have abetted my fantasy of Mitt selecting some obscure minor politician from American Samoa, just because he assumed the name Manu Vanuatuato (or somesuch thing) was Hispanic, and therefore a guarantee of winning the brown vote.
14. Manu Vanuatuato 4.8
Rob Portman? I guess they couldn't get Harvey Milktoast.
Romney / Missing White Girl in Foreign Country 2012!
Natalee Holloway libel!
T-Paw claimed to be out of the running last week. Which probably meant "look at me, look at me!"
So Wrong! The snooziest is TPAW, but Rob Portman will be the nominee because the snooziest is a superlative, and that out of the question.
Tim PuhSNORE! GOPers who aren't he sleaziest cunts you'd ever cross to the other side of the street for are just too boring to ballot.
Mitt & The Fatman? (fun for a few months of late nite monologues. Then just Fatter Cheney).
Marco… Now there's where the real fun is gonna be when the journos start going through his past like a rock fiend through a crackhouse carpet.
Rob who? Can't get any safer than someone no one has ever once thought about ever.
Romney/Gumby '12
No Paul Ryan or Rand Paul?
Ayn Paul?
Rand Galt?
Not even Ayn Rand's Ghost.
Not even Ayn Rand's Ghost.
Duh.
Afterlives are a form of collectivism.
Romney/Skoal Rebel 2012
I would choose Johansson over Portman. But it would be a tough call.
Can Andy Williams take a break from 365 nights a year in Branson to be Mitt's VP? Last we heard from him he went full wingnut. He could be the Nilla wafer to Romney's glass of skim milk.
Andy Williams, fresh from refereeing the Claudine Longet invitational ski classic.
it's still not november is it?
He should go with someone hip and edgy. I seem to recall Pat Boone did a metal album.
Romney/Bat Boy 2012, because Ed Anger is dead, that's why.
The question isn't who will Mittens pick, the question is who will be dumb enough to accept a battle with a foregone conclusion? No sane Republican wants Mitt to be their Nominee. He is the default Candidate and everybody but him knows it. Everybody but Rubio is too close to the end of their political career to want this drubbing to be their swan song. I'm going with Marco here. He knows he's young enough to outlive the stench of this defeat. I look forward to picking over the bones in his closet.
Thing about Christie, though, is that his gravitaional pull alone is enough to "undisclose" his location. Bad for security, nomesane?
Rich Man/Portman '12
Politico ran a four-page profile of Marco Rubio and his wife a couple days ago. The first four pages are utterly useless and banal, but the last page has the goods — Marco Rubio goes to mass every single fucking day. Seven Catholic masses a week (although I'll bet he goes twice on Sunday). That is not a man — that is a fucking sissy.
That's funny, 'cause I was reading an article on Sunday saying that he converted to Mormonism as a teen during a visit to his cousin's, switched back to Catholicism, and is now a Baptist. You know what that makes him? A fucking phoney, that's what.
According to the Politico article he's now a Catholic but also attends some sort of megachurch associated with the Southern Baptist Convention. Dammit, now I'm gonna have to find the article — nevertheless, someone who spends that much time trying to understand the will of something that doesn't exist cannot be said to understand his own values. And without values, how can you trust a leader to do the right thing? May as well spin a wheel and do whatever response comes up.
Okay, here's the relevant page — you won't miss anything by skipping the first three. But he's apparently now a Catholic again, and there was some sort of credit card problem that he had when he paid for personal expenses with his government credit card (gee how fiscally conservative) but he swears he won't do it again. Nothing to see here, promise.
I found some golden plates under a rock and on them were troth written God's instructions that Ron Paul should be chosen as V.P. No, you can't see them. I've lost them. I mean, I've hidden them.
Christie will provide some heft to the campaign!
Wow, the list includes Tim Pawlenzzzzzzzzz…….
The Paul Libertarian Army is not pleased.
The meeting of pasty old white rich dudes will now come to order. Geeze.
Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho. No question.
Parties try to balance the ticket, choosing a veep that has qualities the candidate lacks. So, my money is on a human of some type.
I wonder if the Lakers accept that OKC has a pro b-ball team.
Always put the green on The Green.
They do now!
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