mormon > kenyan muslim

The ‘Evangelicals Won’t Turn Out For a Mormon’ Narrative Is Done, Spent, Over

Haven't gotten to use it in a while, that's whySo, who still wants to expose the evil secret teachings of the Mormons, because Mitt Romney is one of them and he is running for president? This wishy-washy Beltway Wonkette hack author doesn’t and can’t imagine that any of the millions of liberals who’ve said “A candidate’s religious beliefs shouldn’t matter” or “Even if he was a Muslim, it wouldn’t matter” would suddenly find Mitt Romney’s religion in need of serious journalistic investigation. Oh, and the Evangelicals don’t care, actually, as this sorta-desperate and thin Washington Post report shows. Back in 1857, see, while the Mormons were on the move after being killed and expelled everywhere they went for being in the wrong religion, a rag-tag Mormon Militia ended up “turning the tables” and killing 120 people in Arkansas. The dead Arkansas people’s descendants still talk about it from time to time. So will the Republicans there vote for Romney, after he killed all of those people? Of course they will, because that was 150 years ago and Mitt Romney didn’t do it and they hate Barack Obama more than anything.

There goes the narrative, right? We’ve been hearing for years now about how Mitt Romney could never win a national election because the Evangelicals wouldn’t vote for a Mormon. It would be an insurmountable task for the Mormon, Mitt Romney, to reach the nation’s highest office, and so forth. But this seems to have ignored the fact that Romney would be running against a black person whom many believe is Muslim. Suddenly, Mormonism doesn’t seem so disqualifying to old Southern evangelicals.

The Post sent a reporter down to Carrollton, Arkansas, near the site of the 1857 Mountain Meadows Massacre, to retell the story of the Mormons’ most violent clash. And then somewhere in the second half of the story, after blood has soaked the computer screen, the Post notes, “The massacre was an anomaly for the church, because it was Mormons who were more likely to be targeted in the early days of their religion, which was founded in the 1830s and 1840s.” But the people in this one rural place in Arkansas, they must really hate Mitt Romney, right? Won’t turn up to vote for him, right? “There aren’t many places in America more likely to be suspicious of Mormonism,” the Post writes, setting up the narrative, “and potentially more problematic for Mitt Romney, who is seeking to become the country’s first Mormon president.”

And yet, there is scant evidence that Romney’s religion is making much difference in how voters here are thinking about the presidential election and whether they are willing to back the former Massachusetts governor.

“I think the situation right now is more anti-Obama than any other situation,” said Dave Hoover, chairman of the Carroll County Republicans.


Indeed, many here say their political values will be more important to their vote than religion or history. A rural and deeply religious community, many cite the cultural issues of abortion and gun rights as foremost on their minds. The weak economy has deepened their dislike of President Obama, who received less than 40 percent of the vote in Arkansas in 2008.


Some here also are skeptical of the president’s faith, believing their choice this fall is between a Mormon and a Muslim (Obama has repeatedly affirmed his Christian faith).

None of that history, though, including the massacre, may make much of a difference at the polls.

“That was 200 years ago,” Doug Steele, 45, a Republican insurance agent related to some of the massacre victims, said over a chicken sandwich at Granny’s Kitchen in Huntsville. “It’s been a long time. You can’t hate forever.”

You can’t hate forever. How sweet. You’ve got to put your prejudices aside, indeed. Doug Steele has grown.

Now go get the Kenyan Muslim terrorist who kills white people for fun, Mitt!


About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. nounverb911

    "Even if he was a Muslim,"
    Mitt's a Muslin? I always suspected Mitt of having a secret.

  2. Barb

    Someone should start a rumor that Romney went to Arkansas and strapped a razorback boar to the top of his car and let's see how many votes this wild bore will get.

  3. Trannysurprise

    So it's OK to trash Obama for going to Jeremiah Wrights church all the while you believe you will get to be God of your own planet when you die?

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Fuck yeah, because there won't be any queers or nigras or messicans on my planet.

    2. Not_So_Much

      You've touched on the real, kind of uncomfortable, reason that the Rombot doesn't want to go after Bamz' religion.

  4. SorosBot

    "That was 200 years ago. It’s been a long time. You can’t hate forever."

    Disclaimer: only applies to white people.

  5. Nostrildamus

    Back in 1857, see, while the Mormons were on the move after being killed and expelled everywhere they went for being in the wrong religion, a rag-tag Mormon Militia ended up “turning the tables” and killing 120 people in Arkansas.

    Curse Obama and his Christian-killing time machine!

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I know, only 120? Come on, if you're going to violate causality then go big.

  6. noodlesalad

    No one ever told me Mormons was white, y'all. I hear they didn't even let colored folks in their churches until the 70s. I ain't agin that.

    1. spinozasgod

      and only when the NCAA told Brigham Young they could no longer compete unless they allowed ended their discrimination, then suddenly "the prophet" had a vision where god told him to let the other than white folks in.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    Mitt Romney is still the presidential candidate I'd rather have a beer with — because I'd get two.

  8. Antispandex

    So…better to have a "non-christian cult member" running the country than a ni@@#r? Or, just whomever we hope will make us the most money at the expense of the poor? Both messages just scream, "I love Jesus"!

  9. MissTaken

    “It’s been a long time. You can’t hate forever.”

    I mean we got a good 200 years of hate out of it, far more than anyone could've possibly hoped for. But the fact is there are so many others worth my hate these days: gays, blacks, muslims, women. Hate is a precious commodity, only so much to go around.

  10. johnnyzhivago

    "Ya know I ain't be one for discriminat'in against one's religion… Morman or Mooslim – I mean if these folk want to worship some pagan god with four heads that's alright with me… I mean this is Ameruca!!! My main problem is with that nigra in the White House…"

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    “It’s been a long time. You can’t hate forever.”

    2,000 years and counting, for some folks….

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Harry Reid's constituents don't like it, but they hold their noses and do it anyway.

  12. CrunchyKnee

    "You can't hate forever…" Well, ceptin for n*ggers, y'all can hate them forever.

  13. randcoolcatdaddy

    "And yet, there is scant evidence that Romney’s religion is making much difference in how voters here are thinking about the presidential election and whether they are willing to back the former Massachusetts governor."

    He's obviously winning them over with his personality.

  14. weejee

    Will the Mountain Meadows Massacre be coming around on Arlo's Huckabee's guitar so those loveable Confettiratz can start dancin' the Nauvoo Nasty?

  15. Poindexter718

    Not to get all fact checky on you, Wonkette, but that Mountain Meadows Massacre shit went down in Utah, about 1000 miles from Carrollton, Arkansas.
    Too fekking lazy to read teh linked story, but I suspect some of the hickoids who got stone cold Mormassacred were immigrating FROM Carrollton because, you know, Arkansas …

    1. actor212

      Look at the Pointdexter with his facts and shit! You'll never run for Congress with all that book larnin', son!

      (sorry, couldn't resist)

    2. rickmaci

      No f*ing wonder the WaPo is a now a worthless piece of fish wrapping. The writing stinks. Poindexter718 has it right about Mountain Meadows being in Utah and yes the story seems to be about the descendants of the massacred wagon train, some of whom were from Arkansas. But reading the WaPo story you would have the impression that a gang of Mormon zealot relatives of Romoney and a few Native Americans bushwhacked a bunch of Razorbacks outside of Bentonville and then high tailed it over to a Wal-Mart parking lot to go back to work. What a POS.

    3. Tundra Grifter


      You beat me to it. Yes, Mountain Meadows is in southern Utah. By the time the Mormons were driven from New York to Missouri and then forced to walk to Utah pushing hardcarts made from green wood that fell apart – they were a bit touchy.

      They picked Utah because it was so far from the United States. Then – next thing ya know – Utah is back within the orbit of the nation.


      1. Poindexter718

        Nothing relieves the tension of a rough commute/religious persecution better than opening a giant can of Moroni wrath on a bunch of stupid hillbillies headed to Californy to manifest their destiny.

  16. prommie

    I see it so much more clearly now. I had thought that the election of a black president would be good for America's soul, and would do much to push bigotry and racism to the fringe. But I was wrong, it will be the day that the Republicans nominate a black man, that will be the day racism dies. Because you must admit, their strong suit is blind authoritarian obedience, and even worship, of their officially annointed authority figures, no matter how glaring said figures' flaws and shortcomings might be. They have lined up and followed stone cold morons, crooks, liars, and one doddering old alzheimers patient, and the day they are told to follow a black man, they will. But not a Democrat.

    1. DashBarb Buddha

      Oh it did push the morons to the edge. The problem is that the fringe is now bigger than the center.

  17. Wile E. Quixote

    Back in 1857, see, while the Mormons were on the move after being killed and expelled everywhere they went for being in the wrong religion, a rag-tag Mormon Militia ended up “turning the tables” and killing 120 people in Arkansas.

    You say this like it's a bad thing.

  18. Baconzgood

    So they will vote against a black Christian for a white blasphemer. You fucking south. You crack me up with "we're not racist around these parts any more BOY".

      1. horsedreamer_1

        Let's move? Let's not!

        Stupid lazy busybodies in the Not White No More House.

  19. fitley

    Even if Mitt had 100 secret wives and 250 people had been killed in Arkansas that still doesn't make the President any less Black.

    1. DashBarb Buddha

      It's so cute that they make it easy to buy their tracts. Why buy when I can print it up on my own computer and tear it up right away?

    2. fitley

      Good find Wile E. My favorite image from Chick Tracts is when somebody is spiraling down into hell. YEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHH

  20. Callyson

    Accounts differ about why tensions escalated, but local Mormon leaders decided to attack the wagon train with the help of a local Native American tribe, on whom they planned to lay the blame.

    Yeah, see that? It was all the fault of those dark – skinned people…

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Yeah, it's always heartwarming to see a prejudice defeated by a deeper prejudice

    Lone Star

  22. Wile E. Quixote

    I think they're voting for him because of that whole "sister-wife" thing. These guys look around and say "Hey, we're all married to our sisters too. I guess we do have something in common with the Mormons."

  23. fuflans

    now this is the Monday newsflash to cruelly ruin any budding sense of optimism you may have had about the week.

    le sigh.

  24. An_Outhouse

    The Mormons seem to be keen on murdering people everywhere. I thought they just did that massacre out west somewhere. I guess its okay as long as they were post mortemly baptized.

    Update: My bad. I thought the Mountain Meadows Massacre was in Colorado or Utah or somewhere like that. I blame PBS.

    1. actor212

      And here I thought that was "Your wife is at Sid Court, right near the playground. Your cousin is next to you naked. Her husband, your brother, is coming up the steps. How fast do you have to run to meet your wife without being out of breath, but to get out of the trailer before Billy Sam gets his 30-aught off the rack?"

      You couldn't get an algebra answer out of a redneck for love or money, but I bet they'd know this answer by heart.

      1. WhatTheHeck

        I had no idea Trailer park life was so complicated. Little wonder everyone has a still out back.

  25. Bezoar

    I like to ask Mormons if they're going to go as Indians (Native Americans) for Hallowe'en. (Look it up)

  26. Puffperney

    Interestingly, the Mountain Meadows massacre of the Baker–Fancher Arkansas emigrant wagon train, in southern Utah, was reportedly instigated by the murder of one of Romney's ancestors who was on a mission in Arkansas. Parley Pratt was his name and he was killed by Hector McLean who had tracked Parley to Arkansas. Seems Parley had taken non-mormon Hector's legal wife as his ninth wife and had taken Hector's kids as well.

    1. arihaya

      so Mittens family has ruining people lives est. 1850s, nice to know that he keep the family traditions

      1. Puffperney

        Yep. Mittens sometimes boasts (in that quiet Mormon way) of having Parley Pratt in his family tree (or is it "orchard" with these people?).

  27. CommieLibunatic

    Well, what the fuck do you expect from a state that voted for Bush Jr. twice?

  28. Slim_Pickins

    Evangelicals "We said we'd vote for a Moron over Obama, we didn't say anything about voting for a Mormon."

  29. Chow Yun Flat

    These Evangelicals are going to be surprised and disappointed when Jesus tell President Romney to blow up some evil brown people and they find out the Mitt isn't down with Jesus.

    But he will blow them up anyway.

  30. DahBoner

    All the Evangicals I know aren't going to vote for someone in a religious cult.

    That's why they're writing in Jesus H. Reagan…

  31. sbj1964

    Mittens is the ANti-Christ.And the stupid need to realize it! Fundamentalist they take the Fun- Da out of every thing,and put the Mental in. Crazy people are like that.

  32. spinozasgod

    "you can't hate forever"…………….. contrary to all evidence white people in the south seem to offer.

  33. pinkocommi

    Nothing like racism and homophobia to get bigoted white voters to overlook their religious principles and economic interests!

  34. horsedreamer_1

    My takeaway from this: Jesus, a known pacifist, was keen on the preservation of gun rights.

  35. ttommyunger

    Face it, Wonketeers: one third of all Americans would vote for ME over Barry; and I'm a total asshole.

  36. Negropolis

    The massacre would probably mean something if American schools still taught history.

  37. Negropolis

    "That was 200 years ago. It’s been a long time. You can’t hate forever."

    These folks are that dense, aren't they?

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