ain't gonna hunt with no assholes

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Appoints ‘Deer Czar’ Who Says Deer-Hunting Is Communist

And then Christopher Walken shot himself with a gunIf there is one thing Wisconsinites love, we are told, it is murdering poor defenseless Bambi with a gun. Democrats love shooting Bambi, Republicans love shooting Bambi, independents and children and cripples and ladies and men all LURVE killing them some deer. Sometimes for food, sometimes to preserve their public lands from deer overpopulation, sometimes to have dominion over all God’s beasts or something. This is the most bipartisan thing there could possibly be, in Wisconsin. So what did hero Governor Scott Walker do? He appointed as the state’s “deer czar” one Dr. James Kroll, who thinks public management of public lands is “the last bastion of Communism.” Better dead then red, derp!

The public lands Kroll despises include the state parks, state and national forests, and other publicly held property that hundreds of thousands of Wisconsinites—particularly in the northern part of the state—rely on for deer hunting. Hunters on public land may be surprised to discover that Walker regards their annual trek into a state forest as a radical left wing activity akin to marching in a May Day parade in Red Square. But so it is. If Kroll gets his way, public land hunters will get the shaft. The deer herd no longer would be managed as a public resource, but as the private property of wealthy landowners. Wisconsin will become like Europe, where hunting is the privilege of the wealthy.

Hmmm, it almost sounds as if all the “small-government conservatives” what love to kill stuff dead might get fucked over by voting for a “small-government conservative.” Wouldn’t that be rich!

Kroll, who has been the foremost proponent of deer ranching in Texas for more than thirty years, doesn’t mind the controversy and certainly doesn’t fade in the heat. People who call for more public lands are “cocktail conservationists,” he says, who are really pining for socialism. He calls national parks “wildlife ghettos” and flatly accuses the government of gross mismanagement. He argues that his relatively tiny acreage, marked by eight-foot fences and posted signs warning off would-be poachers, is a better model for keeping what’s natural natural while making money off the land.

That’s it, Wisconsin! You may have sat idly by while Walker busted your union buddies. Are you really going to let him pry the [gun what's used to kill deer] from your cold dead hands? [WCMCOOP/LodiValleyNews, via DailyKos]

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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    1. kanthearyou

      Its a slippery slope. Give the deer guns and they'll just trade em to farm animals for hot cross-species sex. Then they'll be back at the ranger station going like, I lost my gun. Can I have new one. Please, Please.
      Next thing you know Farmer Bill's goin' out to feed Flossy or Porky and gets a 150 grain nossler partition right down the stove pipe. I tell ya….

  1. Lascauxcaveman

    According to your photo above, worthly Wonkett scum, Bambi is being surveyed, not killed.

    Journamalism FAIL.

  2. Barb

    Nothing makes me more angry than watching a deer as they gracefully enjoy their salt lick. Kill them all and let the meat packing plant sort it out.

    1. actor212

      One of the few times in my life I've gotten mad about legitimate hunting was when this one fellow down the road from me had raised a doe from orphanhood to near-adulthood. Friendliest little thing, he would run up to me when I jogged by and follow me for a mile or two and always walked up to stopped cars to say hi, so the owner stuck this honking huge orange collar around his throat as a signal "DO NOT SHOOT," cuz, you know, easy pickings.

      Poor kid lasted about three days into hunting season.

      1. DeeJayKitteh

        Are there restrictions on shooting females? Or have I just outed myself as gaining all of my hunting knowledge from playing Big Buck Hunter in bars?

        1. actor212

          The mother was killed in a car crash.

          I know, she should have been wearing a seat belt…damn redtails, think the laws of physics don't apply to them…

        2. BerkeleyBear

          Okay, someone is messing with the trip wire here. I typed in a completely factual statement in response to a legitimate question and got autoblasted. There weren't even any dirty words. Someone dial down the sensitivity, okay?

          Back to the message – whether females are fair game depends on the state and species. For most big game, where hunting is very limited, the hunts are male only. But there are situations in which does or other females can be taken, such as when the hunt is for population control/limitations of further overgrazing.

      2. Barb

        Today is my mom's birthday and I promised I wouldn't cry. I'm going to go cry now and put my groceries away.

        Your story is very upsetting. I forgot to buy Doe Helper at the store. Oh well, Stove Top Stuffing is just as good.

        I may throw up here real soon.

      3. CommieLibunatic

        I'm looking real hard, but I don't see an "Infinite Sadness" button next to the Upfist.

        1. actor212

          The folks in the community were outraged, since they all knew that deer was off-limits, so the shooter had to be from the flatlands (e.g. NYC or the suburbs). What really pissed them off is that either the state troopers or the local butchers enabled this asshat, since no sign of the collar was ever found.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            It's probably still with the mounted head, proudly displayed above some asshat's fireplace. (By definition, anyone – apart from a museum of natural history – who displays a doe head is an asshat. )

  3. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    The fact that even a patriot like Walker would do something like this is testament to how thoroughly the moral relativism of the post-national Left has permeated our culture.

  4. OkieDokieDog

    I can't wait until he wakes up one morning with a dead deer's head in bed with him. A little grift (haha – word play) from shoot them wolves Sarah Palin and Cat Scratch Road Kill Ted.

    1. justkillmenow

      Or Chronic Wasting Disease. Nasty Wisconsin deer are starting to bring that shit into Illinois. BUILD THE DANG FENCE!

  5. Come here a minute

    Ron Swanson would like to buy Dr. James Kroll a privately raised venison steak.

    1. Billmatic

      In exchange, Ron would lobby Dr. Kroll on the "token system" of park management.

      Put in a token, shoot a deer.

  6. SorosBot

    So they're not even trying to hide the attempts to bring back feudalism. Republican useful idiots, now that you are being turned into serfs, remember that this is all your fault.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      The fuckers still won't get it.

      Kroll: "We're going to make all public land private."

      Serf: "Isn't that bad? I think?"

      Kroll: "Jerbs."

      Serf: "Oh ok! USA NUMBER ONE!"

        1. CZL

          Then we shall form a brotherhood of the forest. A troop of intrepid rebels, united by a common foe. A merry band, I say!

    2. BerkeleyBear

      I'm trying to remember how well cutting off the traditional rights of the people worked out for the royals in Ireland, France, Russia, and England. Hmm, not so well as I recall. Kroll might want to think about that – especially since he's proposing to deprive heavily armed people of 4 legged targets.

    3. horsedreamer_1

      To this day, seven of the largest single bear kills in Romania are credited to Nicolae Ceausescu.

    4. bagofmice

      Seriously, the whole hereditary "wealth transfer making a few genes worth more than brain function" bit is the real road to serfdom.

  7. crybabyboehner

    "gun what's used to kill deer" …

    This is my rifle, this is my gun
    one is for hunting, one is for fun.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Which I see a lot of rednecks posing with on Facebook, and thusly confusing the fuck out of me. Too poor to afford and AR or M14, yet too stupid to get a Mosin Nagant.

  8. memzilla

    All we have to do is import the deer from all around and put them in a fenced area, so as to have a concentration of them. Kill the leader deer first so the rest can't organize. Perhaps put identifying symbols on them, like triangles or stars, bright pink or yellow…

  9. Baconzgood

    He's right. I go to the Monongahela National Forest to camp from time to time and you always get gang signs tossed at you from deer, racoons, bears, chipmunks, trout….

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Like these scumbags care. All they have is a sense of entitlement from reading a 2,000 year old war manual and being able to stand upright.

    1. actor212

      As I found out from personal experience, they kind of frown on that down at PetSmart, so I offer this alternative.

      Shoot your friends in the face.

    2. shortsandpants

      Hunt like Cheney: shoot your friend in the freaking face. Don't worry: he'll apologize.

  10. SayItWithWookies

    Gee, I'm conflicted — as a conservationist I think this guy's a corporate stooge; as a non-hunter I think he's a moron; and as someone who enjoys the great outdoors and thinks it should be accessible to all I think he's an asshole. On the other hand, as someone who loves animals, I think he should be torn apart by gray wolves and eaten on a webcam.

    1. OneDollarJuana

      I'm not conflicted. As a motorcycle rider, I believe deer are just giant rats sent by the Devil to inflict pain, injury, death, and consternation to honest Americans exercising their right to the Freedom of the Open Road. As such, they should be drawn, quartered, wrapped up neatly and placed in deep freezers around the land to provide sustenance for the poor, unwashed masses yearning to be free.

      And elk, too!

          1. flamingpdog

            Thank Y—-h the 10 Lost Tribes of Israel came over to North America and wiped out the mammoths, mastodons, and camels!

      1. bagofmice

        At 60 to 100 mph you quickly run out of road. Also, the other humans who think they have the right to drive on taxpayer funded highways, paying taxes, seem to have an occupy mentality, by taking up space. On the other hand, decent cities build bikeways.

  11. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    There is an easy work around that should fit in well with the Koch Industries led policy we are now seeing in Wisconsin. Go to the "Wildlife Ghetto" and just claim you were "standing your ground" when you take out that 12 point buck. That should keep everyone happy.

  12. Baconzgood

    Free Market killing? OH I'm sure nothing could go wrong with that. Look how BP cared about the natural habitat of the animals in the Gulf.

    1. CommieLibunatic

      Especially when a lot of these guys seem to declare how Christian they are. I read about it somewhere in the back of the book how all your gold won't follow you to Heaven.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      They're corrupt, dishonest sociopathic garbage. Oh, wait, was that one of those "rhetorical" questions? Man, I hate those!

    3. bagofmice

      Well money is supposed to Be stimulating, creating the impetus to achieve. Of course at a certain scalar it becomes a perverse incentive, like kicking over a ladder in a ladder race.

  13. Antispandex

    " Wisconsin will become like Europe, where hunting is the privilege of the wealthy."

    At first I thought you were suggesting hunting the wealthy. When I reread the sentence, the idea, oddly, lost alot of it's appeal. Huh.

  14. poorgradstudent

    …Seriously? Scott Walker's goons want to bring back enclosure laws, the hot button issue of seventeenth century England?

    I suppose next he'll appoint a "rehabilitation czar" who will push for bringing back the stocks, but people can't expect the government to supply the rotting fruits and vegetables to throw!

  15. Jus_Wonderin

    This plan really is genius, if you look at it like this. So, you put a fence around a population of deer. As they continue to breed, and interbreed you will soon get deer with extra limbs, double the backstraps, multitudes of horns and hornlets to adorn paneled man-caves and interbred deer are dumber…thus slower.

    This is all kinds of win for those hunters in Hoverrounds.

  16. MarionNYNY

    There really are plenty of rural places left where the nearly poors and barely middle class (those able to afford guns and a large freezer) actually depend on deer hunting for winter meat. I guess he doesn't want them freeloading anymore on the state's dime. Let them buy their meat pre-slaughtered the industrial way at Walmart.

  17. Crank_Tango

    So does this mean deer=thugs?

    Would someone please just tell me who the fucking thugs are in this one?

  18. shortsandpants

    Hunting Packers fans will now be legalized, but only on the condition that the annoying cheese-hat is visible.

  19. Maman

    Wildlife ghettos? Are they making the badgers wear yellow stars keep the beavers in the shitty part of the lake?

    Is that dude high?

  20. ChrisM2011

    "He calls national parks “wildlife ghettos” and flatly accuses the government of gross mismanagement."

    Well, this I can agree on. Have you seen the deficit these welfare squirrels have left us with? It's atrocious.

  21. PsycWench

    As a long-time resident of rural SW Virginia, I wish them good luck with any form of deer containment. Perhaps when they've accomplished this goal they could move to cat herding.

    1. flamingpdog

      Really. We spent hundreds of thousands of Ameros building deer fence along the Interstate Highways here in the Square State, to keep them out of the highway rights-of-way, and now we have to build the fences with escape ramps so that the ones who got over the fence once have an easier time getting out again!

  22. Hera Sent Me

    We've killed off the deers' natural enemies and severely reduced their habitat. But their genes don't know that, so deer keep making more deer as if the only thing they have to fear is predators, and not over-population.

    Deer hunters PAY the state in order to act as its nonsalaried deer harvesters. If not for them, the state would have to PAY to have the deer herds culled, or let the people see the consequences – large numbers of deer gruesomely starving to death, or swarming state roads, being killed in accidents that also kill people.

    Sometimes I don't know what is more unbelievable – the stupidity of GOP politicians, or their Scrooge-like meanness.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        What we should do is reintroduce bobcats and wolves — it would solve the annoying problem of animals encroaching on habitat that wasn't theirs. Granted, I'm thinking of humans, but some other invasive critters might be curtailed by this as well.

  23. V572 Is this him?

    Let's see: they've got them convinced that unions keep their wages down, that public schools are socialist indoctrination camps, that Soshecurity won't be there when they're old enough to draw on it, that national security is directly proportional to the amount we lavish on defense contractors, that a single-payer national health insurance plan would literally kill you, and that hedge fund managers deserve to pay a lower tax rate than, say, pizza delivery drivers.

    So really, the idea that you can't use your beloved guns on public lands anymore isn't that much of a leap in counter-intuitive persuasion. Gun-fetishism runs deep in these people, though and is tied up almost as closely with hunting as it is with home defense. Severe cognitive dissonance, of the type that can only be relieved with civil unrest, may be on the horizon here.

      1. flamingpdog

        Just wait until the polar bears move back in and gentrify the wildlife ghetto.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I've heard that there is a lot of bear on bear action in your neck of the woods in San Francisco.

  24. bureaucrap

    So basically any government control or ownership of anything is communism? Perhaps they should just sell their state capitol to the highest bidder! … Oops, too late.

  25. Callyson

    Dr. James Kroll, Dick Cheney, and a hunting trip. Problem solved.

    (In a non – death wishing way, of course…)

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      You are just artfully setting up inevitable circumstances. I bet you always win at chess, checkers and tic-tac-toe too.

  26. JustPixelz

    As my friend once said: "Hunting is not a sport unless the deer can shoot back." But another friend said: "Eat what you kill; kill what you eat". I took that to mean I should suffocate my ground beef in saran wrap before cooking it.

  27. Wile E. Quixote

    The nice thing about guys like Kroll is that they wear blaze orange when they're out hunting so they stand out from the natural background and you don't confuse them with deer. This means that they're easily spotted and have a clear silhouette against the crosshairs reticle of your Leupold 3×9 surveyor's transit when you're out surveying, you know, surveying with votes.

  28. WhatTheHeck

    Letting hunters regulate land management is like letting Wall street regulate itself.

  29. MissTaken

    He calls national parks “wildlife ghettos” and flatly accuses the government of gross mismanagement.

    Dr. James Kroll should really watch more than just Ken Burns Baseball.

  30. WIDTAP

    Dr. Kroll has no idea how deep he has stepped into it.

    "Deer hunting", as it is known to the other 49 States, is High Social Season in anywhere north or Portage, Wisconsin.

    You don't piss off that many men and women in day-glow orange jumpsuits – with rifles. You just don't.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      That's gorgeous. I'd say more but I'm too consumed with jealousy to continue.

    1. poorgradstudent

      To quote Mr. Smithers, "“He crossed the line from ordinary, everyday villainy to cartoonish supervillainy.”

  31. anniegetyerfun

    You know who ELSE called for the government protection of public lands so that naturalists and hunters alike may enjoy the fruits of nature?

    Spoiler: Massive COMMIE Teddy Roosevelt.

  32. rickmaci

    For the love of god Wisconsin, please don't let Gov. Wimpy get his evil hands on managing your beavers!!!!

  33. sullivanst

    I suppose selling off all the commons to the highest bidder is sort of a way to avoid the Tragedy of the Commons. Sadly, of course, it replaces it with the Tragedy of Not Having Any Commons.

  34. anniegetyerfun

    Now folks, it's not that he wants to prevent people from hunting – he just wants wealthy landowners to be able to charge you MORE than what the government does (Free Market!) to bag yourself a buck.

  35. johnnyzhivago

    Wisconsin will become more like Europe…. The Packers will become a soccer team, they're going to give all the cheeses fancy French names – and they're going to build a high speed train from Milwaukee to Sheboygan

  36. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    You know, I've learned something from Conservatives today. We don't need hunting to prevent over population of deer in the wildlife ghettos. We simply have to raise their taxes, and that should eliminated them all. It is what Hitler would have done!

  37. ttommyunger

    So, just how small does one's penis have to be to get off on playing assassin/sniper against defenseless animals in their own habitat? I'm guessing Ted Nugent knows.

  38. Tundra Grifter

    "The deer herd no longer would be managed as a public resource, but as the private property of wealthy landowners. Wisconsin will become like Europe, where hunting is the privilege of the wealthy."

    And like that's a bad thing?

    1. Guppy

      Wild game has a smaller carbon footprint than corn-fed beef.

      Hell, wild game probably has a smaller carbon footprint than growing corn.

  39. mavenmaven

    That's what we need nowadays, build more unwanted bubble real estate housing on public lands so that we can have foreclosed houses strewn all across America, not just Florida and Nevada!!

  40. HistoriBarb

    Why stop with restrictions on who can hunt? Wisconsin really needs to go all in and just start handing out titles to the appropriate people. Anyone not worthy of a title will just be referred to as "dirty peasant".

  41. metamarcisf

    Scott Walker is a proud graduate of the Lyndon B. Johnson School of Pubic Affairs.

  42. Guppy

    First, we have Republicans hating on US citizenship.

    Now, we have Republicans hating on hunting/shooting.

    I need to lie down.

  43. ghblowhard

    so really, in wildlife ghettos adult deer are selling drugs to poor fawns and possibly otters, bunnies, foxes, skunks and bear cubs. We need to step up on the war on drugs.

  44. mcrummett

    They don't apparently have any problem with shooting themselves in the foot, though.

  45. lochnessmonster

    Yikes! Hope you in WI got over your "episode" of voting Walker and follow thru with that recall in June!

  46. widestanceromance

    I'm actually fine with culling deer herds by helicopter, and by that I mean, air-dropping Repubelickin' governors on them.

  47. worrierqueen

    If Wisconsinites can't kill things anymore, what's left? Life will hardly be worth living.

  48. fitley

    The toothless encephalitic tea knobs will not stand for this. Walker is going scorched earth now. He must have sewn up a deal to hack all the computers in the state on recall election day. It seems as if he doesn't care if he gets even one vote.

  49. southernbeale

    Why am I transported back to Merrie Olde England and the royal decrees against poaching on the King's lands? Oh yeah cuz Scott Walker wants all of his subjects to be SERFS.

  50. rocktonsam

    I call bull shit. The MILLIONS of bucks that those stupid drunks from Illinois spend killing an already overpopulated heard, not to mention CWD and the development that has kicked wildlife out of their habitat, oh yes the new DNR czar that Walker hired is on target to take Wisconsin of the tourism and deer killing map.

    Welcome commie overlords

  51. calliecallie

    Let the poors come to Michigan if they want to hunt deer.

    Is this guy out of his damn mind?

  52. horsedreamer_1

    This isn't correct, as I just drove past the Shooter's Shop in the Dirty Dirty (Stallis) & the owner has a very large "Walker for Sportsmen" sign on the fence along his parking-lot.

  53. calliecallie

    The more I think about this, the more I like it. Wisconsin will become like Europe? Like France, or Greece? Like Denmark? Even in Germany, over 85% of the people have publicly funded health coverage.

    Yeah, this kind of feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Let Wisconsin become like Europe.

  54. actor212

    o/~ We're men / We're men in tights / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like sissies / But watch what you say / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / We're men / Manly men! / We're men in tights / Yes! / We roam around the forest looking for fights / We're men / We're men in tights / We rob from the rich and give to the poor / That's right! / We may look like pansies / But don't get us wrong / Or else we'll put out your lights / We're men / We're men in tights / *Tight tights* / Always on guard / Defending the people's rights / When you're in a fix / Just call for the men in tights / We're butch! o/~

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