Baptist pastor Charles L. Worley had a little sit-down with Jesus, and got this heavenly revelation:
“I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers,” he says in his sermon, delivered on May 13. “Build a great, big, large fence — 150 or 100 mile long — put all the lesbians in there, [drop some food down] … Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can’t get out… And you know what, in a few years, they’ll die out.”
Good sermon, Pastor Worley! Very much What Jesus Would Do, we are sure! (Towleroad, though, you elided a little the part where he says, “drop some food down there,” so he is not actually calling to starve the queers and lesbos, just lock them up so they can’t reproduce. We added it back in, to be helpful, you’re welcome!)
Pastor Worley, how do you feel about gay marriage, please answer in the form of leaving off all the consonants that hillbillies don’t like to pronounce: “The Bible’s agin it, God’s agin it, I’m agin it, and if you got any sense you’re agin it,” says Pastor Worley! “Yay!” say the people! “Hell yeah!” says Jesus, “like My Father always says, fuck those guys! Can you imagine kissing a man?” Pastor Charles Worley and his congregants at the Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, North Carolina, will take your World’s Best Christians plaque now please, the end.
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Can we call him a Nazi?
Is he proposing a bill to punish those who would renounced their American citizenship to avoid paying Federal income taxes? No? Then, obviously not.
I think congress should propose a bill that would revoke his non-profit status.
"When fascism comes to America, it will come wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross."
Giant flag?: Check.
Crosses?: Check
Fascist concentration camp plan?: Check.
When you think about it, it's not such a genius line. How in the fuck else would they come?
Shouldn't that be Midden, NC?
Not specific enough—the whole frickin' state's a midden.
"Can you imagine kissing a man?"
Yes, and it's really not that bad. You should try it. I bet you really, really, really want to try. Amirite, or amirite?
Proving once again that, when you dig deep into the closet, past the fur coats and mothballs, instead of Narnia you find these assholes.
It's even in the Bible.
Not just imagine, I did kiss a man once. It was at a drag party, joking around; and yet we somehow both stayed straight.
…For now.
A priest and a rabbi were talking one day.
"Rabbi", said the priest, "I know it's forbidden, but you should really try eating pork. I know you'll love it."
"And by the same token, my friend", replied the rabbi, "you should try women."
he is imagining that right now. It is the last thing he thinks about before going to sleep at night, too, I bet.
There is a recent scientific study that showed those who are the most homophobic are actually aroused by gay porn. What does that tell ya? This asswipe probably butt fuks himself with an English cucumber while pretending it's really Rock Hudson banging him.
I figured a way to get rid of all the lesbians and queers,”
Then there won't be any republicans left in Congress.
Waitaminnit, maybe this plan's got something going for it.
I saw that movie. HAWT!!!!!!!!!
Unfortunately, it will take an eternity for his kind to die out.
You know WHO ELSE wanted to lock people up in camps?
Ugh, not even Hitler jokes are funny with this….
The British, with the Boers?
Ow!
Though true.
You forgot the Indians. We did bad things to the [Asian] Indians too. Fucking empires… ask the Belgians. Or more pertinently, ask the Congolese.
And the Mau Maus.
Michele Bachmann?
The Americans, with the Japanese?
America, in WWII?
The Boy Scouts?
Obama, with his FEMA camps?
Joe Arpaio?
The owner of the Bayern Munich?
The owner of Bodemeister?
You know WHO ELSE wanted to lock up camp people?
No, not funny that way either…
Smokey the Bear when the fire danger is high?
Krusty the Clown?
George Carlin had a thought or two about locking people up, only in this case the Rev Whorely would find himself on the inside looking out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed…
This is a foolproof plan, as everyone knows straight people don't have gay children, and gay people are all out of the closet.
He's given a great deal of thought to those dirty, nasty gays. What with all their P-E-N-I-Ses, and penis-touching and (hopefully) spankings…
Well, it's only fair to be concerned about instant death from sepsis.
INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY LIBEL
(I had the same idea for the south only without the food)
It's a good thing gay people only come out of other gay people, or else this plan would just be silliness.
Also, just a thought, would it be possible for straight people to have more gays babies? I'm getting scared, you guys!
"Good married Christian men and women havin queer babbies? I'm agin that as well. It aihnt raht in the ahyes of the lawd."
Look, if you're going to start thinking through your positions, you really shouldn't be a fundamentalist.
Build a great, big, large fence…put all the lesbians in there.
Can we set up a couple of webcams, too?
I warn you: it's going to be a lot of sewing circles, bowling leagues, and community productions of the Vagina Monologues. Clothed.
Yes, and then get a pool going on how long it is until Pastor Dumbass takes a wiz on said electrified fence o' jeezus.
and then they came for the next word synoymous with "gays," and I was really fucking confused because I thought they had already come for them…
The queers AND the homosexuals? Now that's taking things a bit too far, my good man.
At least he didn't include the sodomites, the light-loafered, the confirmed bachelors, and the friends of Dorothy.
Maybe we can just get NASA to send them all to another planet!! Like maybe the Sun!
Since Gingrich dropped out, the Moon is up for grabs.
like My Father always says, fuck those guys! Can you imagine kissing a man?”
To be fair to the Savior, though, let's remember that the last time he shared a kiss with a man, it didn't work out at all.
Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.
Who would Jesus persecute?
I'm pretty sure he'd start by stoning all the adultresses, then move from there to stoning the gays and wind the day down by stoning the Samari… er… I mean Mexicans.
Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals
Question! Aren't the 'queers' and the 'homosexuals' the same people? Or do I need to download the latest version of the Cracker Ass Closeted Homophobe to English app?
Yes, same.
But it probably wouldn't hurt any of us to get the latest edition – helps with the snark.
The funny thing is this. If we took all of the Grover Norqists, this fucktard, (all rightwing "christian males, for that matter), Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, etc, within in a month they would all be fucking each other and trading Luckys for blow jobs.
It's hard to go over the top with snark when they're already proposing a final solution.
Sounds like he just watched Bent and found it inspiring. With any luck, he'll die soon.
"Sounds like he just watched Bent and found it inspiring"
You misspelled "whacked it to Bent and found it inspiring"
These are people who pray devoutly for the rapture, when they will be swept up into the air where they will be able to watch as all the rest of us endure torture and torment. Because there is a certain kind of person out there who isn't satisfied with their own happiness. There is a certain kind of person out there who simply cannot be happy, unless they know someone else is unhappy. The kind of person who, even though they got plenty and more, still goes out of their way to make sure that others get nothing. And their religion is lit throughout by this mean-ness. Its not enough for them just to know that God loves their precious hateful selves, they are not happy unless they know that God Hates Others. And especially, fags, for some fucking reason. Apparently greed and pride have been rehabilitated and are no longer sins.
The fucking irony hurts, man. This thing I describe, that kind of person who can only be satisfied, who can only feel good about themselves, when they are judging another person as inferior to them, that describes what in christian theology is the essence of the sin of pride. And in christian theology, pride is the worst of sins, the very worst of sins, it is the only "diabolical" sin, the sin of the devil himself, the sin of usurping the authority to judge, which belongs to God, to yourself. While sins of the flesh, including, yes, even including all the scary homo fleshly sins, are minor sins, venial sins, not even mortal sins. Ass-fucking ain't shit compared to pride, sin-wise. Yet this fucking preacher's entire church is devoted to pride and judgment of others. It is, literally, absolutely, literally, demonic. This is an illiterate, degraded, savage form of christianity that grew up here in the US, uniquely, among illiterate fucking pioneers and their self-appointed ignorant "preachers." Fucking savages, man, fucking barbarians.
There are features of American Christianity that seem absolutely distinctive and home-spawned, it's true. But the idea that the torments of the damned are going to be available for the delighted viewing of the occupants of heaven, and that this great show is going to be one of the best parts of the place, is an old Christian idea, even among "learned" Christians like Tertullian, Thomas Aquinas and Jonathan Edwards.
Nietzsche's Genealogy of Morals, especially essay III, is must reading on this topic.
Darn, it Chich, you beat me to it. I so rarely get to "go Nietzsche" here (or like you, go gogol)
True, but with the exception of the goddam presbyterians, this idea is not a matter of active doctrine or faith and it plays simply no active role at all. Anti-Intellectualism In American Life is a great read on the uniquely Amurrican linking of religion and proud, belligerent ignorance that is summarized in the classic phrase "the good book is the only book anyone needs."
They've also turned another of the Seven Deadly sins into a virture, as in "Greed is Good!"
And let's don't get started on Glutttony and Sloth.
It is the reason Americans just LOVE a con man. I wish we would get over that dysfunctional relationship.
We even have a whole Xtian like US born religion based on a con- the Mormons
One of the wonketeers (sorry, don't remember who) described this as a "spite-based life form".
H.L. Mencken described these shits to a T when he wrote:
True enough and similar to the two kinds of people who want to believe in heaven: those who want to reconnect with their departed loved ones and those who want people different from themselves to burn for eternity.
hey, whatever- the fact is you die, you get buried and you rot- although the actual rotting takes longer if you are embalmed- then your body just gets covered by a gross greenish mold- then it rots. Hell is here on earth- I used to work there
Everytime I begin to think there may be a way for religion to uplift mankind, I am forced to contemplate that it is irredeemably corrupted by the worst that have ever drawn breath.
Anytime I disagree with something I will say I'm "aggain it" forever and ever amen.
I'm out of snark. Fuck this guy and all of the lemming mother fuckers in that "church."
"Build a great, big, large fence — 150 or 100 mile long"
Been done. http://christojeanneclaude.net/projects/running-f…
Art is about somthing NEW buttwipe
Your move Fred Phelps.
Oh my, I am typeless.
But the unanswered question is how many straight people will line up outside the fence asking for fashion advice.
Which side of the fence will Marcus and Miss Lindsey be on?
And it is very difficult to have your home decorated by phone.
Or your haircut.
But if I suggest we herd the Baptists into concentration camps, it's all Hitler this and war on religion that.
Dude, you need to update your terminology. Take a page out of the Frank Luntz playbook. Don't say "herd the Baptists into concentration camps", instead say "Encourage the Baptists to voluntarily self-deport into exclusive, gated communities so they can become job creators."
The only problem with this plan is what kind of food do they eat, and how would normal people go about getting the queer food without getting queer on them?
Actually I can imagine kissing another grown may. I kiss my father, and when my kids grow up I'll still kiss them to.
it'll be a Fabulous fence.
Although we may not see it, there will be a day when Christians will be rarer than the use of the word "queers" to describe homosexuals. This guy doesn't realize it, but he's the one fading away in the march of history.
Good thing he mentioned [dropping some food down there], otherwise this guy would come across as a heartless, compassion-free prick.
"And you know what, in a few years, they’ll die out.” Because…they…can't…..um….reproduce? Logic!
The Obama administration is working to get them listed under the Endangered Species Act in order to prevent this.
Does he specify that he will also forbid them to have turkey-basters?
Makes you wonder how he interprets the parable of the good Samaritan. I've given up wondering what these headcases might think of the Beatitudes.
They hate them, and burn their records.
I think they think Jesus was being so sarcastic.
He's just begging for it. Some big Mandingo to bend him over and show him who's boss. Self-hating and closeted is no way to go through life, asshole.
"Could you imagine kissing some man?…Especially if it was at the end of the day and he had been working out in the hot sun, and…uh…came in with the heat of the sun upon him, his sweat just sticking his thin shirt to his muscular, strong body, and….excuse me friends, the power of the Lord is calling me to the back room for just a moment, please consult your Bibles there for 15 minutes or so."
Caught with rent boys in 5..4…3..
He's got a bad back and he can't carry his own luggage.
Or his own package.
To be fair, the last time a man kissed him, it got Jesus crucified.
the upside is that 1/3 of the GOP House caucus will be out of action.
and South Carolina would be losing at least 50 percent of their senators.
I wonder how this guy feels about the members of his congregation fucking their own sisters, brothers, parents, and offspring.
Well, given that Lot got drunk raped by his daughters, I guess the bible ain't "agin" it, so fuck on fuck on.
Yeah, nothing fishy about that story. Cuz when daughters get fucked by their drunken father, it's always the daughters instigating it.
Related from Houston Chron. of previous thread.
Texas teacher tells students she’s married to God
http://blog.chron.com/believeitornot/2012/05/texa…
To be fair, all of my teachers were married to God. But they were nuns…
She should just forward her resume to Liberty U.
There's some pretty interesting links down at the bottom of that page, I like the one where the Walmart auto technician did all the devil stuff on the lady's car with the blue gasket sealer.
Ha! Reminds me of that B-52's song. You definitely don't want the devil in your car.. I can't believe she took that so seriously. Obvs just some dumbass who was bored that day and thought it would be funny.
Maybe she had a bunch of Jesus bumper stickers on the back of her car and he wanted to introduce a little balance.
I can hear him snickering to himself, "You think God's your co-pilot, bitch!!"
"She said that an army of God was coming to destroy this world on December 21, 2012, but not to worry, because Jesus had created another planet that was more beautiful than this one, a Utopia full of waterfalls where everybody was always 25 years old, where money does not exist, but Christmas does, complete with Santa Claus."
Yay, Santa Claus is coming to town!
Holy crap, I thought you'd made that quote up.
I hope it's the dutch santa who turns up with one to many black kids and puts bad children in sacks and has the Zwarte Piets wail on them with sticks.
Crazy lady, don't go chasing waterfalls; please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to.
That Houston Chron is all kinds of awesome. I just learned "why women, like Taylor Swift, wear granny panties". This is truly information the world needs.
http://blog.chron.com/shopgirl/2012/05/why-women-…
YouTube truly is awesome. At point, I would have rely exclusively on second hand reports. Now I can hear her speech first hand!
Why is he stopping with the queers and homos? What about the gays and faggots? The bone-smugglers, pickle-chuggers, and carpet-munchers? What about the pillow-biters, the hershey highwaymen, the meat-sword swallowers, and what about Ryan Seacrest?
That's just pure "around the world snap" full of win.
I totes stole the whole thing from Lisa Lampanelli. Who, by the way, was a fact-checker for Spy magazine back in the mid-80s, which is fascinating.
Stealing is the sincerest form of flattery.
You're forgetting the rump-rangers, turd-burglars the reparative therapists and what about Lindsey Graham?
And don't forget, in honor of our favorite Mittens photo, fudge packers.
I feel sorry for the exclusion of the cockmonglers.
Let's get him to test the wattage of that fence while he's doing a baptism.
I guess this gives the "Build the Dang Fence!" meme a whole new meaning.
Also, is Lindsey Graham a "Queer" or a "Homosexual"?
He's a hydrant-squatter.
Is that "do you know why they can't reproduce?" or "do you know why? they can't reproduce"
oh fuck it, either way this man makes me pukin' sick.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁☁
But how would we ship them to the fenced in area? By train?
In cattle trucks with a methed-up Pastor Ted at the locomotive's helm for JAYSUS.
By train? What are you, some kind of goddamned European socialist? Take your public transit nonsense and can it, you hippie!
So, self-concentration?
What's a "ginnet"?
Jeanette?
The opposite of a furet.
About 20 bales of clean cotton a day.
I thought it was an iced mixed drink. But, then, that is the way my mind works.
Gin and lime juice. No, wait – that's a gimlet.
No snark on this one. I really think since the Amendment One vote that it may start getting violent down here. There's too many unemployed redneck crackers with guns in NC listening to guys like this.
Well what about Obama's 57 States!
Fence won't do much good unless there's an accompanying moat, with gators and komodo dragons.
God hates Preachers who Preach About Fags. Reverend Douchbag is one more reason why churches should be taxed.
"Can you imagine kissing a man?…Can you imagine feeling your own pursed, slightly open mouth pressing against another mans warm trembling lips?….Tongues gently flicking one another….his hot breath on your inner thigh….dear sweet jaysus such earthly bliss…"
WONKETTE CARNAL PRECAUTION: ANAL LICKING CAUSES SEPSIS. DEATH WITHIN 30 MINUTES!
Really? Sheesh! My boyfriend has licked my anus many times and he's still not dead. I'd better tell him about this ;o)
Even Jesus would say to this fool, "jezuskryst are you really that evil or are you just that stupid?"
Needs moar Zyklon B.
Fuck this Nazi-esque swine and everyone in the same room as him. There really isn't much else to say on the matter.
Pastor Worley is just a job creator. Can you imagine what the tourist economy would be like to go see lesbians in their natural habitat, locked up behind bars. Based on some movies I have seen, it would be hot, hot, hot.
Hey Chuck:
Here in DC we already tried that in the early 90's. It's called DuPont Circle. Instead of dying off, all those gays and lesbos rebuilt a blighted boring neighborhood into a vibrant urban center, and we liked it so much we invited them to try it again with Logal Circle.
So on behalf of all the people who have lived in DC long enough to remember when it sucked…thank you queers. you guys/gals kick ass.
yup- lived in Dupont in the 70s- when Harnett Hall was an SRO -much worse than boring actually. Logan Circle in the early 80s- also a hellhole- the "supermarket" with no windows, taxi drivers who would wait until I got inside the bldg- telling me this was no neighborhood for me to be in, now it is really awesome(although ACKC closed- sad!)
I find it so interesting that the many cited Biblical Abominations, such as eating pork or shellfish, wearing clothing of mixed textiles, planting your crops incorrectly, etc. are viewed by Christians as merely 'guidelines' for living in Biblical times. Yet somehow, out of all of the Biblical 'abominations' or, as Christians call them 'guidelines,' homosexuality is the only real, true abomination. I'd really enjoy an intellegent explanation as to why homosexuality is also not considered merely a 'guideline.' Can someone explain this to me?
A prayer "Oh, Lord deliver me not from temptation but from those who claim to speak for you."
"I'm not going to vote for a baby killer and a homosexual lover."
In other words, "I ain't voting for no n****r"
Schindler's Lisp?
"They're essential. Essential lady-boys! Their fingers clean the inside of highball glasses. How else am I to clean the inside of mojito tumblers? You tell me. You tell me!
He got this really clever idea from one of his favorite films, Caged Heat.
I'm not sure I understand this – even if you build a 150 mile long fence, won't the gays just walk around it?
Here's an even BETTER idea! Build the fence along the border with Mexico – and then drop all the lesbians and gay men BEHIND IT. They you keep gays and Mexicans out and save billions on fence construction.
Best of all, the gays will probably redecorate Mexico and make it a fabulous place!
It's just common sense — which is why smart people don't make decisions based on common sense — 'cause it's so invariably stupid.
I love the long pause after his big idea… as he lets the sheer brilliance of his plan sink into the skulls of all those in attendance… a slight head shake as he surveys their flummoxed faces… "Holy sheee-it! Them queers cain't beget none t'other queers!" they realized.
MEMAW!!
Cletus done cut hissef on the screen door agin!
Come an git him and fetch him home!
If there's a hell below
This piece of shit is going to go.
Die fake piece of shit man of God.
This guy asks for forgiveness for being a homosexual in 5, 4, 3, ….
i signed up for camp not a camp
I would say he was preaching to the choir, but judging by the empty risers, the choir appears to have taken the morning off.
Maybe they all came down with a bad case of teh gay?
i'm supposed to be doing a gay themed play in nc sometime this summer.
this should go well.
Souths gonna rise agin! To the level of Fucktard. Sorry, but that preacher boy was funnier than any snark could ever be.
But where will all the gay demons go!?! No God-fearing straight man or animal will be safe!
This theory is equally as sound as every other scientific theory coming from a pulpit. This guy found out the secret: straight people cannot give birth to gay people. They are indeed, an entirely separate race (like the Jews)! Nobel Prizes all 'round!
My scientific theory is that homosexuality shows that intelligent design is so much bullshit. If God, or the Intelligent Designer, didn't want us to put penises into orifices other than vaginas he should have used a Torx head. Combine that with using a Robertson head for the anus and you'd have the kind of tamper resistant design for naughty bits that would make non-procreative fucking about as much fun as working on a BMW.
Perhaps instead of a fence, he could use a stadium. And perhaps instead of electricity he could use lions. And perhaps instead of non-heterosexuals he could use Christians.
Wouldn't it be a hoot — after going to all the trouble to kill the current gays and lesbians — if some child somewhere turned out homosexual anyway. Boy would Paster Worley be red-faced with embarrassment. Also red-handed because of the all the blood on his hands.
Can you imagine kissing a man, Pastor Worley? Men, acting like women. Men wanting to be with one another, men touching each other. Their stubbly chins rubbing up against one another. Touching each other. Manly hands touching swirls of of chest hair. An occasional wiff of a rugged aftershave. Their low, baritone voices sighing, grunting. They hold one another in manly, masculine arms. Hold one another. Tight.
(Thanks for the quote, Wong Foo).
Real men don't kiss men with aftershave. That one detail made my boner go limp.
Kind of makes me sad I couldn't be among that fine upstanding Christian Congregation so that I could slowly stand up, look around the pews in an arc and resolutely walk out without saying a word in the middle of his horrific and inhuman rant….Would not be the first time I'd done that, my friends.
I guess I would say "Are you fucking kidding me???" and leave. Not that I would ever be in his congregation
That would provide the evidence for your unworthiness in their eyes. They could too easily write you off and condemn you then. I've found it best not to dialogue to any extent with morons, in person.
And people think I'm joking when I say I want dual citizenship with the Netherlands or the UK.
All I can say is: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_baU56uFqaSM/TRfYA9MOv2I…
If Pastor Charlie hates the gays so much he should move to Iran. I heard someone say there are no homosexuals in Iran (he sounded trustworthy).
I cannot be mad at the good Rev. Asshole, bless his heart. Fair is fair. I feel the same way about Baptist preachers. Build a pen, stick them all in there and let them holler at each other until they die and find out they were wrong the whole time. Drop in lots of fried food.
No, we can keep the fried food and just drop the old boiling oil down on them.
What a guy. Got a name for that plan? How about…mmm, let's see. "Final Solution"? I know it's been done, but they didn't have Jebus on their side.
What's the over-under time frame on this schmuck having a sex scandal with a male escort? Extra points for meth.
Where does this fella think all those little gay babies come from? They come from straight folks and I suppose folks who can afford in vitro. I'm surprised he hasn't made this mental leap and recommending the development of some kind of (no it can't be a fetal gay test) way to test potential parents to see how strong the gay gene they carry inside them is. Then they could sterilize those who have a proclivity to gay offspring and have them sterilized. Oh wait, that might wipe out straight babies too. What to do? What to do? In language the Rev could understand he could just leave them alone and let God sort them out. Oh wait, God hasn't been doing that. What a conundrum.
Geez.
This guy is the Wile E. Coyote of the South!
LOOK UP THERES A GIANT JUG OF XXX CORN LIKKER FALLING ABOVE YER HAID!!!
Electric fences? Will Dick Cheney agree to this? Family holidays will be awkward.
Gawd–some of my friends ask me why I'm ashamed of being born in the South (actually, it doesn't deserve a capital "s"). This video is as good an example as any. What a cultural wasteland. I mean, who could listen to this and ever figure out how Obama won North Carolina in 2008?
Being on the other side of an electric fence from this guy and his flock doesn't sound bad at all.
This fumduck is essentially saying that God is a fuk-up for creating the gheys.
Ohhh, that's gonna cost ya "reverend" 'cuz see, God don't like being called no fuk-up; He's gonna git ya; better watch out!
You know what this guy's fuckin' problem is?
He's never had a really good Chardonnay…
Some one of the lesbians would have a Swiss Army knife and we certainly would find enough insulating material to manage to cut the fence, storm the Jebus quarters and deal justice to the Man.
Just saying, "girl power."
I masturbated while watching that video.
….because it is what Jesus would do, except you know, no electricity back then.
First came ghey money. Next ghey concentration camps. Then…
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