THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN  12:42 pm May 19, 2012

Here Is Your New P-E-N-I-S Lady, But About Blacks Instead Of Gays!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hey LADY!Have you finished with your shame spiral over the P-E-N-I-S lady, and how much fun you made of her and how you howled with laughter until we all realized huh, chick who sounds crazy was actually crazy? What were the odds??? Well here is a new lady for you to gawk over, and her name is Mema, and it is her world and we are just living in it! Mema loves to sit on her porch and tell her stories! Stories about how black people can be racist too, because there is a Black Miss America pageant! Thing is, by the third video (they autoplay back at the Youtube page, for your convenience), you sort of begin to LOVE Mema, just as she loves everyone, even Indian people — both kinds, from India and the “whooo-whoo-whoo” kind — because she is not racist! And when she declines to say the “n-word,” referring to it as “the word we’re not allowed to say anymore even though we used it when I was growing up,” it seems like actually a MAJOR VICTORY FOR HUMANITY! Good job, you guys! Mema doesn’t say the n-word! Behold this giant step for mankind, after the jump!

Mema, dudes. Click click click.

[Youtube]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 314 comments }

Barb May 19, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.
Robert Anthony

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 2:17 pm

"You buy 'em books, and you buy 'em books, and they just chew on the covers." — R. Crumb

valgal2342 May 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm

She's getting high on her nail polish.

PsycWench May 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Some spit it out cause they can't stand the taste.

Isyaignert May 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

… and some people pee in the fountain of knowledge.

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Somebody go up to this lady's front porch and tell her Mitt Romney is a Mormon and see what she says.

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

Also, tell her to do a little maintenance. I don't want my tax dollars paying for it when her mortgage bank forecloses and transfers it to Fanny Mae.

rickmaci May 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

She would be confusing the bank with her cousin Fanny May.

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Another casualty of letting Microsoft Outlook auto correct my Intense Debate responses.

The funniest internet theme I came across recently was dedicated to the messages and message threats gone disastrously wrong from people not paying attention to the auto corrects done by their phones while messaging. I should have saved the URL.

ChessieNefercat May 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

"Damn You, Autocorrect"?

Barb May 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

"Anyway, pray for me…."

I pray that you burn enough calories in that rocking chair so that one day you'll be able to get your fat, racist ass through that front door and back into the house.

Gainsbourg69 May 19, 2012 at 7:06 pm

I almost shit myself laughing while reading this.

Barb May 19, 2012 at 9:30 pm

Oh Sweetie, don't do that.

Texan_Bulldog May 19, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Not enough booze or money in the world to make me watch crazy racist lady say crazy racist things! (But am curious to see if she said she has black friends or relatives–since that seems to make everything okay.)

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

"curious to see if she said she has black friends or relatives"

No offense, but I could almost guarantee you that she's got at least one biracial "grandbaby" or great-grandchild or great-great-grandchild (since 15 years = 1 generation in that bunch).

Texan_Bulldog May 19, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I agree. My cousin who lives in OK (rural redneck area) married a black guy & had 3 kids with him. My aunt and uncle just about died of shame and embarrassment–and it certainly would have killed my grandparents, who regularly used the N-word, had they been alive to see it.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 9:52 pm

When I lived in North Carolina, I had a middle-aged white female co-worker — perhaps not Mensa material, but she seemed like a soft-spoken, pleasant lady. One day I saw her in the cafeteria with a young woman who was obviously her daughter, a young African American man who appeared to be the daughter's husband (or boyfriend), and their baby, a boy of about two.

The next day, chatting with the co-worker, I said something like, "Oh, Cathy [fake name], was that your daughter you were sitting with at lunch?" She stiffened up like a cat, stuck her chin out in a way that was totally different from her usual manner, and said, "Yeah". I said, "She looks like you, and isn't her baby just too cute?" The woman visibly relaxed, dropped her eyes, and said in a low voice, sounding exhausted, "Some people don't like them, because… you know". My response to this was, "Some people are stupid; don't let them run your life. They look like a nice little family".

Texan_Bulldog May 19, 2012 at 10:53 pm

You sound like a nice person, tessiee. My aunt & uncle thought about disassociating themselves from "Jane" (my cousin) but their desire to keep in touch with their grand kids won out over prejudice & they can [now] say their son-in-law's name without hyperventilating.

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 1:58 pm

She begins by saying "I'm not a racist," so she clearly is not. I take her at her word, the same way Boehner of Orange takes Barry at his word that he's a native born US citizen.

MaxUdargo May 19, 2012 at 2:30 pm

She just wants you to know that the reality is that black people discriminate against white people and not the other way around. To illustrate this, she tells a story of how she went with her daughter to the races (horse races? NASCAR? dogs?) and a lady "who happened to be black" started arguing with her daughter, and the people who owned the race track intervened and one of them, also a black woman, decided the first black woman had started the argument and took the side of her daughter so they weren't kicked out of the races.

Yeah, by the time she finished the anecdote I think she too realized it didn't really support her premise. She tried to cover by reiterating her premise more loudly, but then kind of gave up and asked everybody to pray for her.

So, like Becky says, it's almost uplifting. You get the impression if this woman were forced to explain her views at length, she'd probably end up talking herself into being a slightly bewildered Obama supporter.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:44 pm

I've had this conversation with certain older, and not terribly educated, people:
Old Not Terribly Educated Person: [racist comment]
Me: Well, what about Billy?
ONTEP: What?
Me: You know, Billy *Jones* [fake name]. The black guy who you work with. You had him over your house.
ONTEP: Oh, yeah. Billy. Naw, Billy's a good guy. I din't mean *him*. Yeah, no, Billy's OK. His kids are nice… [mumble, trails off...]

AutomaticPilot May 19, 2012 at 8:27 pm

That was a constant theme among the various racist people I grew up with: "The guy I work with, HE's okay. It's just the rest of 'em."

Oh, so basically you're just afraid of people you don't know.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 9:59 pm

It's really sort of a cognitive dissonance thing, isn't it?
The person's thought process, which they're never consciously aware of, probably goes something like:
"All my life I've heard that Those People are [lazy, dirty, no good, whatever], but I've been working next to Billy [or Juan, or whoever] every day, and he *seems* nice enough — certainly a lot nicer than my jerk-ass supervisor — and I know he's a good worker…"
It always stops there, just short of concluding, "Therefore, the things I've heard all my life must be wrong", but I suppose one has to give the person a *little* bit of credit for believing the evidence of their eyes and ears and common sense, rather than drawing the other conclusion, "Therefore, Billy/Juan/whoever must be terrible in some way that's not obvious".

Barb May 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm

I love Indians, both kinds.

You mean the ones with the feathers and the ones with the dots, right?

Doktor StrangeZoom May 19, 2012 at 12:53 pm

Not to mention the ones with the casinos and the ones who do tech support.

Barb May 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Thank God, for the ones with the casinos! My husband runs three of their casinos and hey, I'm farting through silk while eating name brand corn dogs.

weejee May 19, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Honest Injun?

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 1:21 pm

One of the recent, maybe Trump backed, NJ Casinos in AC just fired their 'operations manager' and state legislative democrats are trying to fast track elimination of NJ regulations to facilitate the possible construction of a northern NJ native american casino. The Delaware Tribe has expressed an interest in reclaiming property seized in the late 1890's some 40 years after it had been granted a reservation there. The Delawares are in OK and this issue would be very interesting. Can a recognized tribe reclaim land they were once authorized by the US Government ot 'own' but were then chased off?

Barb May 19, 2012 at 1:30 pm

You bring up a very good point, James. I'm going to have to read up on this and see what's happening.

Jeffer May 20, 2012 at 1:21 am

Yes they can. But it's very difficult.
Normally only lands held by tribal entities prior to the 1988 National Indian Gaming Act can be used as a casino. However one of the definitions of tribal land is land "held in trust" by the government. What is the definition of "land held in trust"? Lands granted by treaty, and then reneged upon? I'd certainly say so.
Certainly the number and wealth of the people surrounding the area has a lot to do with it. But there are some very legitimate complaints out there. After all, the US goverment stole a whole lot of land from Native Americans.

And that is my first serious post. I will now go back to drinking and goofing with Barb.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:42 pm

*Brand name* corn dogs?
Elitist.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

What a snob.

Barb May 19, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Lol, Tessie! It's Saturday and it's the best day of the week. Just a half hour until Mr Yum Yum comes home! The house is spotless, the beer is chilled and the corn dogs are ready to go in the um, what do you cook corn dogs in? Fuck it, I'll eat them frozen just for the chance to see Jeff.

Jeffer May 20, 2012 at 2:05 am

I eat "Arizona State Fair" corndogs. If they're too brown, the Attorney General will remove their stick privaleges.

flamingpdog May 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

The only corn dogs Michele and Rick Perry will touch.

Dashboard_Jesus May 20, 2012 at 1:46 am

damn, made me snort wine thru my nose, again! (I know, wine=elitist)

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

are you referring to Tonto Krishnamurti?

Reginald_Perrin May 19, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I understand why she is so bitter, who wouldn't be angry about being an ugly, toothless, fat, low IQ piece of human excrement?

Doktor StrangeZoom May 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I'll be praying for her.

flamingpdog May 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

We're probably already paying for her.

drrty_martini May 19, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I think I heard Derbyshire fapping.

rickmaci May 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

I thought that was Doucheshit.

Gainsbourg69 May 19, 2012 at 7:08 pm

No. That was Breitfart fapping from the gallows.

Callyson May 19, 2012 at 8:21 pm

Wingnut circle jerk!

SmutBoffin May 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I was almost expecting Skoal Rebel to lean out window and project a thick brown stream of chaw-spit towards the bushes.

weejee May 19, 2012 at 1:09 pm

And offend his grandma and first cousin twice removed?

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

The only reason he didn't is because he was the one filming it.

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I think the word "expectorate" was created for just this instance.

gurukalehuru May 19, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Skoal Rebel Libel! (spit)

bagofmice May 19, 2012 at 7:50 pm

True. Expectorate might be too many syllables for mister rebel to spit out.

DemmeFatale May 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

There isn't enough coffee in the world!

(I can't keep refreshing the page. Her stupid, ignorant mug will break my computer.)

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

who the F!@K is she and why should I care?

BarackMyWorld May 19, 2012 at 2:37 pm

You should care because she's obviously a national treasure.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm

And because she, and people like her, occasionally get off their enormous asses long enough to get down to the voting booth.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 7:24 am

That suggests a Democratic counter-measure to all the Repugnicant voter-supression bullshit: we need to mandate narrower doors on polling places.

Beowoof May 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm

I know the Mississippi schools are proud of their well educated graduate of the 6th grade.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Sure, it took her till last year, but she did finish with a passing grade.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Hey, my grandma didn't graduate 6th grade in Texas but she's not *this* bad. They must grade on a curve in her school.

ChilLysol May 19, 2012 at 1:00 pm

You think she'll let Han Solo go this time?

Beowoof May 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Jabba !!Libel!!

vulpes82 May 19, 2012 at 1:17 pm

O-HOHOHOHOHOHO! O-HOHOHOHOHOHO!

flamingpdog May 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Just be glad she wasn't wearing her Princess Leia outfit.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Boner.

Killed.

FOREVER.

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:26 pm

I think her social progression is trapped in carbonite.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:35 pm

Oh, snap!

littlebigdaddy May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

What, is this the setup to one of those interracial granny pornos? Cuz there's no way I'm watching that!

Beowoof May 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Lunch is now in the garbage can next to the desk.

AddHomonym May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Lawling after thee seconds: "You know something else I don't understand?"

Dr. Nick Riviera May 19, 2012 at 1:59 pm

So many possibilities….

Callyson May 19, 2012 at 8:26 pm

AOTK.

cheetojeebus May 19, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Land a Goshen, I will NOT click the clicky.

BarackMyWorld May 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Internet: killing my faith in humanity one link at a time.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 19, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I do sort of feel sorry for her, considering what's going to happen when she talks Bailey into turning off the main road to look for that old plantation house. Still, she comes from nice people.

LocalGirlMakesGoo May 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

A Good (Blah) Man is Hard to Find

littlebigdaddy May 19, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Quoting from memory here: "She would've been a good woman if it had been someone there to shoot her every day of her life."

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 12:15 pm

I suppose I should mention one of my favorite teachers of all time, a truly decent man who taught at Northern Arizona U. When our Am. Lit. survey class read "A Good Man Is Hard To Find," he didn't start the discussion with a lecture about O'Connor's "Southern Gothic" reputation, or her Catholicism, or the "moment of grace' that tends to arrive in a twisted horrifying way in so many of her stories–those all came later, of course, but to kick off the discussion, he simply said "This story just scares the hell out of me because I can't read it without imagining something like that happening to my family. You take one wrong turn on the road and everything just goes to hell."

And then we got on with the Serious Literary Analysis, but it was an excellent reminder that reading is at its core about connecting, about storytelling, about reacting to a piece of writing on a human level, as well as all the fine analytical stuff that gets taught in Literature classes. I've used 'Good Man' in classes myself since, and always start the discussion by talking about that teacher. Hell of a nice guy.

Boojum May 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

All y'all leave Mema Deen alone!

Schmannnity May 19, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Nice rack!

Blueb4sunrise May 19, 2012 at 1:39 pm

I salute you. It is comments like yours that embody all the wonder and joy that made Wonkette famous.

Schmannnity May 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Thanks!

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:50 pm

It WAS, back when Eisenhower was President.

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 6:53 pm

Then she stopped wearing bras.

Imma gonna puke now.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 10:03 pm

Too bad it's in her lap.

Barb May 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Gentlemen, if you hope to have an erection later you should avoid watching this video.

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

If they do erroneously click on the link this should cure the problem

Micaela Schaefer

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 2:06 pm

Yielding to no man in my admiration for boobage, I must point out that the subject photo does not display:

(1) "side" boob as promised by the headline; nor even
(2) actual boob as created by adolescent hormonal flow, genetics, inheritance, healthy diet, etc.

James Michael Curley May 20, 2012 at 11:42 am

You can go to Huffington Post and use the search function. When I imbed a link I test it before I click the final send. That I modified the html may have rendered it a problem but it was still working for me late last night. In any event, here is the link as directly copied from the page as displayed in Google Chrome and IE9. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/micaela-…? Copying your message link produced some strange characters and a reference to ‘feedburner’ an open source RSS aggregator the result which totally mystifies me. Let me know if you can open the unadulterated link. I think she is an alien life form.

V572 Is this him? May 20, 2012 at 11:46 am

Another of my failed jokes; only meant that the displayed boobage was near full, not just side. (And that it was somewhat artificial.)

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Somewhere, Wendy O. Williams is healous jealous.

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I don't dig the skin stretching-to-the-max of teh fake boobz. Full Disclosure: I've never even touched one of those things. I imagine they're hard as a softball.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:47 pm

When I worked in the hospital, one of the doctors brought in a cube of the implant stuff. It looked and felt like a brick of jello, and also, it seemed totally wrong that it was cube-shaped.

James Michael Curley May 20, 2012 at 10:49 am

Worked on the defense of a case brought by a guy who had transgender surgery and the implants caused the skin to detach across the lower tissue over the sternum (or medical malpractice). He (Yes I did say HE! As the process was ‘half done’) had, in essence, a mono-boob. Without delving into that particular issue and yielding to the sensitivity and respect of the thousands of women who suffered similar types of damage to their bodies, suffice it to say that for almost a year I had a silicon filled ‘device’ on my desk. Incidentally, plaintiff’s attorney was Mel Belli.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 8:03 am

Large quantities of silicone somehow fail as a countermeasure to this horror.
What's called for is a large dose of natural gorgeosity.

Wonkette, Refudiated May 19, 2012 at 1:34 pm

"Later on in life" that is

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:51 pm

And by "later", she means "ever".

Steverino247 May 19, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Uh, actually, we were all sorta hoping you'd help us out with that…

weejee May 19, 2012 at 2:29 pm

The video does sorta run against the subtitle the South shall rise again don't it?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 8:06 am

Gravity drove those old Dixies down, and they sure ain't about to rise again.

SudsMcKenzie May 19, 2012 at 3:41 pm

thanks for the "heads up".

PsycWench May 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Didja notice that she referred to a daughter and a husband? Wonders never cease.

starfanglednut May 19, 2012 at 5:30 pm

Girl boner libel!

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 7:02 pm

I'm not gonna watch the video because I'm all too familiar with this type.
Even if I did, I doubt it would kill any possibility of erection later because I just got the June issue of Vogue. It's got pics of some lovely Olympic-quality beefcake.
My partner's on the overnight shift so I will be able to cheat on him with pages 146, 149, 150, 153, 155, 157, and 163.

prommie May 20, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Sometimes its helpful to have an image you can use to delay orgasm.

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:36 pm

"Dead kittens… Old nuns… Really old nuns… Renee Zellweger" — Quagmire

prommie May 21, 2012 at 10:16 am

Giggety!

ManchuCandidate May 19, 2012 at 1:04 pm

There are two types of people who say "Blacks (or whatever group) can be racist."

The 1st type is the misanthrope who believes that we're all shitheads and that being a self centered asshole transcends race, creed, intelligence (sometimes) and nationality.

The other (and more common) type is represented by Meemaws of the world, who are pissed and resent the fact that they can't be racist shitheels and are doing everything in their power to justify saying the racist shit they want to say.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:53 pm

"And WHY can't I call 'em the n-word? THEY say that word!"

HistoriBarb May 19, 2012 at 9:43 pm

The 1st type is the misanthrope who believes that we're all shitheads and that being a self centered asshole transcends race, creed, intelligence (sometimes) and nationality

Stop judging me!

sbj1964 May 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Mena is correct there is a Miss Black America Pageant,but they only have 49 contestants because nobody wants to be Miss Idaho: I Da Ho.

angerbear May 19, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Katherine Jean Lopez's summer home looks very rustic.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 19, 2012 at 1:11 pm

She probably didn't have a realistic shot at being Black Miss America anyway.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

They never pick a girl with glasses.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Although let's not rule her out for Miss Teen South Carolina.

AddHomonym May 19, 2012 at 1:12 pm

After watching the rest of it, I'm wondering what the hell happens"downstairs" at the race track?

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Race club.

1) Do not talk about race club.

GeneralLerong May 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Who in shameless hell thought this was a great idea for a video?

Oh. She's Skoal Rebel's granny.

swordfis May 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm

She's pretty cute for a racist.

Come here a minute May 19, 2012 at 1:22 pm

I don't see any latex. Where is he wearing it?

rickmaci May 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Maybe the take away from this is a small portion of optimism. 25-30 years ago she would have used the "N" word without a second thought, no hesitation, just another noun in her everyday vocabulary. Today, even Mema knows not to go there. May not seem like a big thing, but having grown up in a similar environment that was rural, uneducated, little knowledge of the world more than 50 miles away in either direction down the highway (although my grandparents did have their teeth), it is a change for the better.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You make a good point.
Back in the days when I lived in North Carolina, I had a good friend who came from a small hick town, and had sort of transcended their mindset, but understood the people among whom she grew up.
I said something to the effect of, "Nobody seems to give a shit about anybody BEING racist as long as they don't SEEM racist."
She thought for a moment, and answered, "I think the people who make the laws understand that you can't really make laws to control other people's feelings, but believe me — here? It's a step forward to say that even if you don't LIKE a group of people, you can't treat them badly."

sharethegrief May 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I think you're right and I would rather have a conversation with her than Romney.

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:43 pm

Because she won't change her entire life's ethos tomorrow?

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm

Did you grow up "up the road" from me?

rickmaci May 20, 2012 at 12:58 am

Did you live near the irrigation water ditch?

Pragmatist2 May 19, 2012 at 10:37 pm

So, it took her 25-30 years to evolve from the "n-word." That means in another millennium or so she will be nearly a mature human being.

a_pink_poodle May 19, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Aah, the good ol' "I'm not racist BUT" schtick in action!

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

You know, I don't think everyone with a southern accent is stupid, but…

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:51 pm

You know, I think ladies with a Southern accent sound sexy, but…

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 4:15 pm

Barb agrees with you. In fact some southern gentlemen—think Shelby Foote—have accents that ooze erudition and breeding and are a delight to listen to.

Pop_Socket May 20, 2012 at 12:30 am

"I'm not a racist, but…" invariably precedes a racist statement.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm

I'm not a racist, but I think the US should adopt the metric system.

(It even makes nonsequitur sound racist!)

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm

The gingham-breasted porch manatee — this is a rare find indeed!

GeneralLerong May 19, 2012 at 2:14 pm

WIN.

PsycWench May 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

Not as rare as it ought to be.

starfanglednut May 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Hi Psycwench! I've not seen you round these parts in a while. I hope all is well.

Isyaignert May 19, 2012 at 8:27 pm

Porch manatee – L to the O to the L!!

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I lol'd so hard I woke up my sweetie. Well done.

sharethegrief May 19, 2012 at 1:29 pm

On the other side of her porch sit 4 broken Hoverounds.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:52 pm

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she, or at least one member of her family, has complained about tax money going for "handouts" to Those People; but between Medicare, Medicaid, the property tax assessment on her shack being too low to pay for even one of her kids to go to school, and all the incarcerations, Mema and friends are the ones who are costing the taxpayers money.

MissNancyPriss May 20, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Really? You don't think she has a job?

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Not even Herman Cain is hard up enough to–…
*pause*
You know, you could be right.

freakishlywrong May 19, 2012 at 1:31 pm

They surround us. Hoverround.

Come here a minute May 19, 2012 at 1:32 pm

When Mema dies, I hope the kids have the decency to burn the house down to avoid the indignity of having her removed with a crane, with everyone watching.

Dr. Nick Riviera May 19, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Like a Viking pyre.

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Where's the retard boy that climbs the poles and washes mamma's back?

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:40 pm

"Wesley, git momma's pryin' board."

billy_reuben May 19, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Johnny Depp libel!

freakishlywrong May 19, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Can't watch. Lemme guess; Missippi?

Blueb4sunrise May 19, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Oh hell no.

Mittens Howell, III May 19, 2012 at 1:36 pm

Only the smartest teabaggers get the rocker scooters.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:37 pm

GOATEES: They're not just for hipsters any more.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

Or men.

freakishlywrong May 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

$10,000 says that pile she lives in is chock full of chifferobes awaiting busting up.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:47 pm

$5 says it's chock full o' chiggers too.

Ms_Anthrope May 19, 2012 at 3:01 pm

They prefer "chegroes"

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:55 pm

Well, she's from a time when they used the "c-word".

CrunchyKnee May 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

Well played.

Mittens Howell, III May 19, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Another facelift, Bristol?

smashedinhat May 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I throat punched the screen after the third facial close up. I am now going outside for some fresh air.

Fare la Volpe May 19, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Looks like Romney found a running mate!

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Your grandma is SO FAT…

Steverino247 May 19, 2012 at 2:25 pm

…when she went to the Empire State Building a squadron of aircraft attacked her.

…when she stepped out of the lake, she left a ring.

(I miss Rodney Dangerfield…)

bagofmice May 19, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite
Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

BarackMyWorld May 19, 2012 at 2:34 pm

…her blood type is Ragu.

…she sweats Crisco.

…her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

…she could use UNIVAC 1 as a laptop.

Designer_Rants May 19, 2012 at 3:56 pm

…When she sits around the porch, she REALLY SITS AROUND THE PORCH!

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm

All the other fat grandmas orbit around her.

mavenmaven May 19, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I just hope they vet her more closely before running her as GOP Vice Presidential nominee.

BarackMyWorld May 19, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Moar than they vetted Nobama!!!

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Said vetting should probably include a flea and tick dip.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:48 pm

"Lord-have-mercy, Junior, what are you a-doin' in that there crawlspace?"

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Sarah Palin, 2015.

flamingpdog May 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Jackie Broyles looks a lot better without his beard in that video there now, that's fer shur.

LettucePrey May 19, 2012 at 1:55 pm

This is the most brilliant rant uttered in "English" since James Joyce drank a case of Guinness and fapped out Finnegan's Wake.

weejee May 19, 2012 at 2:30 pm

The original re-birther Finn McCool weeps.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Ahem. No apostrophe.

(Nitpick Nazi goes away now)

TootsStansbury May 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I thought Jonathan Winters was dead.

BarackMyWorld May 19, 2012 at 2:41 pm

When Jonathan Winters dies, they should bury Robin Williams with him.

Fred_Wertham_Jr May 19, 2012 at 5:28 pm

Why wait?

Swampgas_Man May 20, 2012 at 9:06 am

Maude Frickert was a lot hotter.

CivicHoliday May 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm

sacha baron cohen has really outdone himself this time

Dr. Nick Riviera May 19, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I love that she says there *might* have been white discrimination before but there's none now. Most racists admit to the slavery stuff at least.

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Time to bring back these fine Americans for an encore from 2008.

weejee May 19, 2012 at 2:56 pm

/ staggers off to 55-gallon drum of brain bleach…

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Search string = “hillbillies + ATV + Obama” in case you ever want to find them again. Does the Google read our minds? Discuss.

commiegirl May 19, 2012 at 3:50 pm

You know, I was trying to find that video just last week? But "West Virginia" didn't bring them up, and I was just SURE that was where they were from.

weejee May 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

I might have looked under 10 best reasons to move to Paris. France, not Tejas y'all.

V572 Is this him? May 19, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Democracy is still something of an experiment.

Isyaignert May 19, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I have a headache in my eye after watching those hawnyawkers. They is ignert fer sure.

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 8:25 pm

I watch that video and always get focused on that goddamned washing machine in the yard!
Or is it a dryer? I can never tell.
I mean, I grew up in an area where you'd see couches & recliners on the front porch but I never saw a washer or dryer right in the middle of someone's yard like that.

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm

I have…mobile home no less. Hey, just because you live in an ancient, tiny shithole aluminum box doesn't mean you can't have nice appliances.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 12:26 pm

And to have the Heritage Foundation use it as evidence that poverty is a myth. Hell, our Poors have so many material goods that they just leave the old broken ones out in the yard!

DashBarb Buddha May 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm

And the sad, sick irony is that the very people who live in these shitholes see shitheads like the Heritage Foundation as their salvation.—

Dr. Nick Riviera May 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Superior Aryan specimen, everybody

NellCote71 May 19, 2012 at 6:00 pm

American exceptionalism.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:46 pm

White Power!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 8:15 am

♫ Look out, here comes the Master Race!

fartknocker May 19, 2012 at 2:03 pm

The stupid is strong in this video. She's the unofficial spokesperson for People of Walmart.

Callyson May 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Except that she's better dressed than many of them:

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/photos

Arken May 19, 2012 at 2:06 pm

The scary thing is she's only 32.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Britney Spears has not aged well.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 2:12 pm

They should show this in Sex Ed class (if such things still existed, that is): "Girls, if you have sex and get pregnant in high school, you will turn into her".

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 2:15 pm

"Here Is Your New P-E-N-I-S Shriveler"

Headline fixed.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 2:24 pm

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

Steverino247 May 19, 2012 at 2:27 pm

She washes?

Ms_Anthrope May 19, 2012 at 3:09 pm

I can't get over the manicure. Or Lee Press-ons or whatever. Its like she picked out one feature to highlight and ignored absolutely everything else.

Isyaignert May 19, 2012 at 4:26 pm

She brushes her tooth with her purdy red finger.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:48 pm

Go get mama's pryin' broom, Cletus!

imissopus May 19, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"You know what really grinds my gears?"

pinkocommi May 19, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Oh, Mema. You are not discriminated against because you are white. You are discriminated against because you are fat, ugly and stupid.

Limeylizzie May 19, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Now , I have a terrible fear of my , still somewhat perky, 34Gs descending toward my navel and , having seen her saggy dugs, I am even more afeared.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Gravity is no one's friend.
$: – (

HistoriBarb May 19, 2012 at 11:45 pm

You just take care of your perky pair Lizzie – don't just give up one day like she did.

Warpde May 19, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Oh well, there go my happy thoughts for the day. "sigh"

Limeylizzie May 19, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Did I get a snatch of Mema's pudenda about 20 seconds in?

flamingpdog May 19, 2012 at 2:59 pm

I kind of had that feeling myself, but there's NO way I'm going back to confirm or not.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm

BAD choice of words!
Bad Lizzie; no Tanqueray.

Mumbletypeg May 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

I love the word "pudenda" … it reminds me of this scene from Three Amigos.

not that Radio May 20, 2012 at 5:55 am

How did you find EXACTLY THAT CLIP. This drives me nuts. I can almost never find the exact clip I'm looking for (I don't mean just from "The Three Amigos", I mean from any movie) but some clip CONTAINING the clip I wanted and I always have to say "start the video at 3:46 to see the ha ha funny part", which pretty much kills the joke every time.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:34 pm

I think so but that memory is repressed so far down it needs a Submarine to reach it.

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Not.watching.this.video.ever.

cheetojeebus May 19, 2012 at 3:00 pm

Ok, Now that've got the hedge trimmers nice and clean, I guess it's probably gonna hurt a little, but you know, I won't be needing THAT anymore.

smokefilledroommate May 19, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Can somebody get Mema some teef so she can pronounce words like "against" and "ethnicity"?

not that Radio May 20, 2012 at 5:56 am

That would take all the fun out of it.

deanbooth May 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Sorry, I can't make fun of Mema. She isn't the cause of the problem, she's the result.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:39 pm

meh..everybody is responsible for their own social structure, she gets off on feeling better than another human based on the colour of her skin, all 20 square feet of it.

deanbooth May 19, 2012 at 8:25 pm

Well, I'd scream at her in person, but it's the leaders that like her that way (so they can raise money to pay for their rentboy.com subscriptions) who deserve internet wrath.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 10:38 pm

They all Sith Lords to me, just with varying degrees of success, Darth Cheney made it to the top of the organisation, Darth Mema never quite made it past the snack bar.

MissNancyPriss May 20, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Agree. Her boob(s) (?) aren't the problem, either.

Negropolis May 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Everybody makes choices in their lives. Maybe she isn't the central problem — and she's not — but she made her choice to continue to perpetuate this bullshit. As shown on this very site, there were people raised by horrible racist, and then made the choice of something better for themselves and their future.

When you acknowledge on a video that "a word we could say when I was growing up, but can't say no more" of whatever bullshit she says, she's sentient enough to realize that she chose something in opposition to something else.

Contrary to popular opinion, sustaining racism — particularly in these modern times — takes some work. Mema is expending a helluva lot more energy being hateful than she would simply being content.

I said it above, I'm not mad at her, but that doesn't mean she can't be held responsible for the beliefs she holds and then blurts out. David Duke ain't holding a gun to her head.

valgal2342 May 19, 2012 at 3:24 pm

"Y'all come back now, ya hear?"

glamourdammerung May 19, 2012 at 3:32 pm

And once again, the ramblings of an insane person and ramblings of the mainstream Republicans are indistinguishable.

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Mema is a bit stressed right now, because she's trying to decide between visiting her kinfolk in Central Florida or her kinfolk in Alaska:
http://wonkette.com/472103/why-is-the-jack-booted

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:36 pm

*suspiciously*
Waiiiitttt a minute…
You guys!
You just photoshopped a dress onto the Humane Society pig!
I probably never woulda caught that, except you put the two pictures side by side.

CrunchyKnee May 19, 2012 at 3:52 pm

Just think, some one probably actually put their penis in her. *shudder*

imissopus May 19, 2012 at 8:00 pm

Yeah, but we have no proof he was then able to pull it back out. Poor sucker could have had it yanked off and it's still floating around somewhere in Mema's distended uterus. No wonder she's so grouchy.

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

You'd think southern boys would finally learn. Strap a 2×4 to your ass, dummy!

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 8:10 pm

Who knows? Maybe she was good looking gal back in the day when she still had her teeth and before she decided to spend the next 70 years sittin' on the porch eating pig bellies deep-fried in lard.

DashBarb Buddha May 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

I'm thinking that her lack of teeth is the big draw these days.

GregComlish May 21, 2012 at 8:57 am

Ouch

tessiee May 19, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Quite honestly, I feel that she comes across as slick and cocky.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:27 pm

She has the feel of an over educated smug elite symptomatic of a society that values fancy pooter lurnin over good ol' common sense, but.

Isyaignert May 19, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw 'em over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do your boobs hang low?

not that Radio May 20, 2012 at 6:02 am

This may be the funniest thing I've ever read. I will be singing this awesome anthem for many years to come.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 8:22 am

Have not heard that little ditty in over 40 years … amazing how oral traditions survive.

billy_reuben May 19, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Jesus, Kathryn Jean Lopez has really let herself go.

CleverSobriquet May 19, 2012 at 4:21 pm

The woo woo woo Indians? Really? The other branch of Forest Gump's gene pool didn't fare so well,

Beetagger May 19, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Them Cracker Barrel rocking chairs hold up pretty good, mmhhhmmm.

Veritas78 May 19, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Well bless her heart…

Monsieur_Grumpe May 19, 2012 at 6:11 pm

She's just mad from being banned from the All You Can Eat Feeding Trough down at the strip mall.

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"NO BUFFET FOR YOU!!"

anniegetyerfun May 19, 2012 at 6:14 pm

I can't click the clicky. My hometown is entirely populated with toothless people like this and I will never, ever be able to listen to them talk without wanting to go home and start self-mutilating.

anniegetyerfun May 19, 2012 at 6:18 pm

OMG, I clicked to see if my cat would watch the video (she would not). It's like a waterbed became sentient, and then not, but kept talking.

Monsieur_Grumpe May 19, 2012 at 6:23 pm

I think I'm calling PETA about how you're treating your cat.

anniegetyerfun May 19, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Please. Death is too good for this bitch.

radio-of-owls May 19, 2012 at 6:47 pm

Oh, that is good. That is very good indeed. Brava!

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:18 pm

I always wondered what happened to Water beds.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:51 pm

ROTFLMAO!

A sentient waterbed. I won't ever forget that description. LOL!

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 12:31 pm

"Ugly bags of mostly water"

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 6:54 pm

There should be a warning at 1:02, that dress is just little too high for comfort and some things just can't be burnt from memory.

Butch_Wagstaff May 19, 2012 at 8:18 pm

That's her "eatin' dress".

BelleSC May 19, 2012 at 7:02 pm

Paddle faster. I hear banjos.

owhatever May 19, 2012 at 7:10 pm

Why bless her little pea-pickin' heart. She was lovely when she was young, and so loving to her daddy and brothers and uncle and the pet goat, Obama.

badgitator May 19, 2012 at 7:15 pm

Uggghh – that tongue.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm

Mema should be moved to Alaska so she can form part of the early warning system.

Veritas78 May 19, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Move her to New Orleans and use her as a levee.

Chichikovovich May 19, 2012 at 7:21 pm

She's the one who wasn't able to turn around, right? It's such a relief that PETA finally got her the space she deserves. Time to change the ad, though.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:42 pm

..put down the Burger Mema!!

Callyson May 19, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Needs moar guy sitting behind her cracking up…

VicariousMe May 19, 2012 at 8:46 pm

How come only the ugliest, dumbest, douchiest elements of the "white race" are the card carrying members of the white pride movement?

mavenmaven May 20, 2012 at 11:32 am

Because the smartest ones are off marrying Asian medical students.

Negropolis May 20, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Zing!

Equality_Joe May 19, 2012 at 8:55 pm

Have you finished with your shame spiral over the P-E-N-I-S lady, and how much fun you made of her and how you howled with laughter until we all realized huh, chick who sounds crazy was actually crazy? What were the odds?

I'll admit to having a minor shame spiral over that, but then I realized that the real message there was that the ramblings of a schizophrenic woman were completely indistinguishable from the actual public statements of spokespeople for a non-trivial number of conservative politicians and "family" organizations, and that this is why we had all been led on in the first place.

Wile E. Quixote May 19, 2012 at 9:42 pm

Hey, knock it off you guys. Bristol Palin took a huge risk coming back from ten years in her future to give us this warning.

valthemus May 19, 2012 at 11:25 pm

That's not future Bristol. That's "My stylist has the weekend off" Bristol.

littlebigdaddy May 19, 2012 at 11:11 pm

This is officially Mittens's base.

smokefilledroommate May 19, 2012 at 11:21 pm

Mema is the new Skoalrebel. Or his cousin uncle-sister.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:26 pm

I love her. She has enough self-awareness that by the end of the video, she's already kind of given up on the fact that she is somehow superior. You know, I think she should come to the realization that she has it backwards. She doesn't "love everybody" she "hates everybody" and should just leave it at that, bless her heart.

Honestly, you can't hate this woman. You can't hate a women that has come to realize that she's so fucked up that at the end of the vidoe she implores you to "pray for her."

MissNancyPriss May 20, 2012 at 2:00 pm

agree!

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 11:58 pm

Ma'am, you have a black president, and you'll have him past November. Sorry.

not that Radio May 20, 2012 at 6:08 am

Ultimately, the real victim here is Sarah Palin, and I think it's only fair to call on President Obama to resign.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 20, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Smithers, who is that young go-getter? I like the cut of his jib!

LouBristol May 20, 2012 at 10:13 am

So which is it going to be: Fox News anchor or CNN "contributor"?

oldedinvn May 20, 2012 at 10:41 am

I have been known to get horny watching a dog shit.
This aint not going to do it.

Buckminster May 20, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Hey, that's not MY Mema!

MissNancyPriss May 20, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Mema is just a hipster, she is so ironic she goes way over your heads.

anniegetyerfun May 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Skinny jeans libel!

MissNancyPriss May 20, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Only a matter of time before the hepcats take the PBR and trucker hat affectation one or two steps further to full Mema.

ttommyunger May 20, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Sadly she is an accepted and respected fixture in places like Camden, Missouri, (Pop. 385) where my stock hails from, and way too many other locales in America. I fear we are doomed.

iburl May 20, 2012 at 9:11 pm

When your IQ is only higher than the number of teeth in your head because you don't have any teeth… you might be a toothless old racist hillbilly bitch.

IndianaKevin May 21, 2012 at 7:27 am

Oh, crap! I woke up in a good mood and read this to learn that as a white guy, I'm oppressed! Now I have to walk around pissed off the rest of my life! Fuck!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 8:32 am

She's not racist . . . most of the time . . . in fact, it seems like it's only when she actually runs into black people. Fortunately, this is something that can't happen very often, there on her porch.

Dildeaux May 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

I blame the US education system. And Obama.

Tricky_Dick May 21, 2012 at 1:23 pm

I agree wif her. White, fat, ignorant, stupid, toothless women are the victims of discrimination. Why can't they have their own pageant? Call Haley Barbour, stat!

James Michael Curley May 19, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Go to it. I’m working only on memory. In the area in question, Mahwah, NJ; there is the unsanctioned ‘reservation’ of another tribe who managed to keep a few descendants in poorly constructed cinder block ‘houses’ into the ‘80’s. I knew the daughter of one member who was going to college with me in my first year. I wished I had learned more back then. Coincidentally, decades later we considered a condo in a ‘luxury’ complex which was built on the land but didn’t because I thought the economics were all wrong (during the early 1980’s condo boom).

johnnyzhivago May 19, 2012 at 3:12 pm

Is this related to the "Jackson Whites" by any chance?

HistoriBarb May 19, 2012 at 7:17 pm

So does that mean you got the vacuum cleaner to work?

Barb May 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm

Histori, did you read about my vacuum cleaner saga? Jeff bought me a new vacuum yesterday and that bitch fought me and I couldn't make it work, lol.

HistoriBarb May 19, 2012 at 9:38 pm

I was pulling for you! Damn complicated machines!

Barb May 19, 2012 at 10:15 pm

I hate to read the manual for anything. I'm good at assembling things and having a bracket, 4 screws and a shelf left over. Never set a cup of coffee on any furniture in my house.

Barb May 20, 2012 at 1:30 am

Boo, you are so smart. It boggles my mind that you are paid in "casino coupons" and not real money.

We went to the casino tonight and Jeff went yesterday. We won $400.00, $140.00 and $400.00. I am thinking we may have some tater tots with those corn dogs. We just have to find a grocery that takes those "casino coupons" for groceries" If only you could find a job that pays in real cash.

James Michael Curley May 20, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Will you be posting the less serious activities on line?Johnnyzhivago directed me to the term ‘Jackson Whites’ which did not know which when inserted into Wikipedia leads to the page for the Ramapough Lenape Nation. It seems the Delaware are traditionally considered descendants of people of the Munsee language which encompasses most pre-Columbian tribes from the James River Peninsula north to the mid-Hudson and west to the Delaware River. Sounds like any claim they may exert is a lot stronger. Back when I was still heavily involved in Northern NJ politics I got very PO’d at two of our congressmen who steam rolled a resolution through congress which killed off an attempt to have the area listed by the BIA. Their pandering to the public was specifically based on ‘if the BIA authorizes tribal reservation status they will bold a casino in Northern NJ which will mob up and horror of horrors.’

Jeffer May 20, 2012 at 1:41 am

Yes I know. I get paid in corn dogs and casino coupons. And IGT is flying us out to Vegas next month and putting us up at Aria so that I can participate in a CAB on how to spend them on rent and such.

Jeffer May 20, 2012 at 2:13 am

Manuals and Fried Chicken are Barb's two nemeses. I'm the guy that sorts out the parts and lays them out next to the manual before starting. So we're pretty compatable in that area. Fried Chicken? I've got no clue. We've been through 30+ recipies, and we're about to give up.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

Hey, assembling things without the manual is a point of pride. (Half the manuals are written in Chinglish anyhow.) Making 'em work is another thing entirely . . . my daughter has some sort of ESP with gadgets, so I rely on her to figure out that you just need to hold down these two buttons while twiddling that dial.

IndianaKevin May 21, 2012 at 7:23 am

If you don't need all the parts to put it together, that means you're gifted in the assembly arts. That's what I always tell myself.

Barb May 20, 2012 at 3:00 am

I cannot make fried chicken, this is true. I don't read manuals, this is true.

We can buy fried chicken and they sell furniture that is already assembled.

If you want fried chicken that is served upon a table that needs to be assembled, we are completely fucked.

Jeffer May 20, 2012 at 3:02 am

I can assemble furniture, and we can order fried chickent. But I pity the fool that says we do it with casino coupons.

ThundercatHo May 20, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I do not read manuals nor do I assemble things except for sandwiches. I do, however, know how to make some pretty darn good fried chicken. It is simple and easy but messy. If you would like to know I would be happy to share.

Barb May 20, 2012 at 3:11 am

The other kids won't get the "casino coupon" reference. That's okay, the one who made the rude reference will get it.

James Michael Curley May 20, 2012 at 11:31 am

I had to Google the term but the answer is yes (as further evidence accumulates that my brain is turning into oatmeal). I don’t recall hearing the term before and I have been interested in NJ Native American issues for quite a while. Somewhere I have the longest of several short books I wrote for my son while he was in the eight to 16 year range to inform him which were slanted toward his changing interests. The book (novella) utilized a lot of research into the Hackensack Lenape and focused, in part; on the issue that they were forced out of their home grounds by the ecological disaster caused by the destruction of the white cedar forests in the Meadowlands. This was done in the late 18th century as a cure for pirate raids on shipping into and out of New York Harbor. The objective was that the pirates could not hide their ship mast profile in the vast cedar forest. This in turn according to my theory helped accelerate the departure of the Hackensack Lenape who were dependant on larger game and fresh water fishing in the Meadowlands. What was a predominantly fresh water swamp land became tidal marshes after the cutting of the forest.Stagg Hill is still quite under developed in an environment where the local government is pushing getting some development into the area. A group called Crossroads LLC has development rights to a large portion of the hill.. One of the interesting issues which may play out is the effect on the area of the Mahwah, NJ Ford Plant across the highways from Stag Hill. When Ford closed it down a very large hotel and office complex was built which changed hands several time and has as its major foot print the Sheridan Mahwah Hotel – an enormous white elephant at one point. However just north of where the Ford Pant was is the dump Ford created and is on the cusp of becoming one of the largest industrial waste Superfund sites in NJ. As this is all in flux, exactly what is in there and how it will be remediated (if at all) is in the early stages.

johnnyzhivago May 20, 2012 at 11:56 am

Very interesting! I grew up in NYC, but when I moved to NJ heard some stories – in the same league as the “Jersey Devil” – ie. people disappearing, etc…=C2=A0 I had looked into it some time ago and it's more a case of intermarried indians and former slaves, isolated – living a hardscrabble life in one of NJ's few remaining, truly remote areas.=C2=A0 Our area in northwest Hunterdon has some other pockets of non-civilization – where moonshining was very popular (Jugtown Mountain)….=C2=A0=C2=A0

tessiee May 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm

"people disappearing, etc…=C2=A0 I had looked into it some time ago and it's more a case of intermarried indians and former slaves"

Who did *not* carve "Croatoan" into the trees, because they'd all been chopped down to foil the pirates.
and now you know… the rest of the story.

James Michael Curley May 22, 2012 at 7:47 am

Decades ago, I was northwest of Hacketstown, which was pretty remote at that time. My brother lived there and did something stupid while we were visiting and we had to drive him to the hospital. While waiting for him to be treated we were sitting around the emergency room when a little girl came in with a classic case of rickets. She just toddled in (rickets is a bowing of the legs caused by insufficient Vitamin D) took a piece of candy from the bowl on the counter and walked out. Long story short is that there was a valley community over the hill from the hospital which was as hardscrabble Appalacia as you could imagine. Despite the nurse and doctor on duty telling me the inhabitants did not want any help, I set out to try. A few frustrating months later – nothing, I couldn’t even get past the front of a rifle with a guy saying, “We don’t need you here.” This was in NJ, only 100 miles from where the likes of Snookie throw into the garbage more than the twenty or so members of this community eat each day.

Barb May 21, 2012 at 12:12 am

I would love to know, thanks!

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