surefire as surefire gets

Mitt Romney Will Use Constant Mockery To Win America’s Hearts

Must be Romney's tour bus.

Mitt Romney’s erstwhile lecture tour of Doomed America — last seen some months back when he gave us a guided car trip past the dilapidated homes of Detroit poors followed by a quick scold for Lazy America outside a shuttered factory in Pennsylvania — is now back with a third stop where he has ridiculed restoration efforts to a New Hampshire “bridge to nowhere.” Mocking struggling local communities may be a bit of an unorthodox way to campaign for the presidency, but by gum if Mitt Romney isn’t at least consistent about it.

From the Associated Press:

From the parking lot of a Ford dealership, Romney pointed to the nearby stone bridge that straddles the Contoocook River and called it a boondoggle. The town of Hillsborough received $150,000 in federal stimulus money to repair the Sawyer Bridge as part of a new park project designed to put people to work installing new benches, lights and visitor parking.

Those additions have not happened.

“This is the absolute Bridge to Nowhere if there ever was one. That’s your stimulus dollars at work. A bridge that goes nowhere,” Romney said.

Indeed, the freshly repaired bridge with its new concrete surface and black iron pedestrian rails stops just as it reaches the other side. The road it once served has shifted a few hundred feet and a replacement bridge connects the two sides of the central New Hampshire town.

Good old Mitt Romney, rubbing it in. $150,000 dollars wasted to employ some local workers during a terrible recession? That’s the kind of money that could pay Mitt Romney’s earnings for three whole days! Tisk tisk!

There’s also the problem that his crack advance team apparently forgot to check to see who supported the stimulus funding for the bridge, via HuffPo:

Romney’s attack on the $288,000 bridge restoration will run into several immediate challenges: Funding for the project was overwhelmingly supported by state Republicans, including a significant number who have now endorsed Romney for president. The infrastructure project created much-needed jobs during tough economic times. And it left behind a public park enjoyed by Granite State residents who take great pride in their early-American and colonial history — and who will be casting critical, swing-state votes in November.

Barack Obama’s only real task now should be to make sure the final additions never happen, so that Mitt Romney does not then run off to try to take credit for it. [AP/HuffPo]

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      1. nounverb911

        Don't forget the little chocolates he gets when he visits his money in Switzerland.

      1. Callyson

        I read that as "somebody get the guy a shotproof shield for his poor testicles." Somehow, I think I was correct…

    1. RavenRant

      (slams voter into locker) (carves backward 'R' into voter's cheek with an antique sterling butter knife)

        1. RavenRant

          Antique sterling for the .01%. Butter knife so it would be as dull as the spork or fingernail Ashley Todd used on herself in 2008.

  1. bumfug

    "I'd stand by my criticism of the bridge if that's what I'd said but I couldn't have said that because now it's pissing off my supporters which is proof enough that I must have been misquoted or I mis-spoke or something, I forget. Let me get back to you on that."

    1. Nostrildamus

      don't ever change

      Ha, ha. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly.

      Fish gotta flip-flop, too.

  2. ManchuCandidate

    If this were Romboto's US America, he would have had the bridge torn down and sold for scrap as 1%ers piss on the remains and then install a ramp at either end of the gap so that real US Americans can do an Evil Knievel by jumping the gap at 100mph. Hey, if a few people get killed driving to and from work so be it. It's a price he's wiling to accept as the Grand Poobah of US America.*

    * of course, he'd build a toll bridge so 1%ers and lackies can drive traffic free (but free for his 1%er kids because they're REAL US AMERICA heroes serving the great Romboto).

    1. Robman2

      Nah, he would have used the cobble to pave the driveway outside of his car elevator in La Jolla.

    2. An_Outhouse

      An added benefit is the amount of gas consumed getting your old gallopy up to 100 m.p.h. Go Exxon!

  3. sbj1964

    Sire Romeny, the Peasants are revolting! "I'll say they stink on ice." It's good to be the King.

  4. Dr. Nick Riviera

    WTF do you people want? You asked for consistency from Mitt, here you go!

  5. Lascauxcaveman

    Oh please, like New Hampshire is going to vote for Romney. Just to spite Vermont, perhaps?

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Didn't NH go cra-cra this last election? I seem to recall birthers storming the door of a legislative session recently.

    2. sullivanst

      On the one hand, Obama did win NH by veryveryverynearly 10% in '08.

      On the other hand, Romney does claim NH as his primary residence. Nothing to do with their tax structure, honestIpromisetruly.

      1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        It's his own state of residence and he doesn't bother to do the research on the park? Is he just coasting because he knows he's gonna lose, or too clueless to get that you have to actually WORK for the peasants' vote?

        1. sullivanst

          I think he's too clueless to realize that peasants even have a vote. He wouldn't have built the system that way, and it doesn't occur to him that anyone else might have.

    3. Negropolis

      I don't know. New Hampster is one of the very few states I can see Romney flipping. I mean, just barely, but the state is notoriously independent in a very real way.

    4. MilwaukeeKent

      My memory says New Hampshire used to be reliably Republican, but with Obama's win in 2008, and despite the results of 2010, it still seems somehow as if New Hampshire didn't so much leave the GOP as the GOP left New Hampshire for Cuckoo territory. On one hand Romney is very New Hampshire — a fiscal conservative with a social-liberal default setting — but I hope they sense he'll pander to the crazed in deed as well as word and vote for Obama instead.

        1. sullivanst

          From what I understand there's a fairly strong streak of buyers' remorse about that teabirther leg.

          Besides, there's a lot of states that vote extremely differently for state leg than they do for Pres and/or Senate. For example, the Tennessee legislature was under Democratic (OK, Dixiecrat) control after the 2008 elections.

  6. didgen

    Absolutely not, there shall be no beauty or history allowed under Romney. Besides some poor kids might play in the park.

    1. fitley

      History, as far as Mitts it concerned, should be hidden far far away from prying eyes. The last thing he wants people to know is the history of Mormonism.

  7. SorosBot

    But see, those jobs were created by the stimulus, which means they must not have existed, because the Republicans keep telling us the stimulus didn't create any jobs or help the economy, facts be damned.

  8. dadanarchist

    What a cheap sonuvabitch. There's probably $150,000 between the seat cushions at Mitt's house(s).

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Do you know how many of Curt Schilling's companies that money could have propped up?

    2. sullivanst

      Wonder what the value of the time local Republican politicians spent lobbying for the project added up to…

  9. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Comments like this are going to ensure we don't see our first Robo-Pres until Nixon's Head in 3002

    1. tessiee

      Remember what the dormouse said…
      I'm meeting you halfway, you stupid hippies!

      1. Nostrildamus

        Credit actually goes to some listener/contributor to the Stephanie Miller show.

  10. SorosBot

    Let's face it, Romney can't keep his bullying nature from coming through, and it won't be too long he'll be getting his thugs to hold down voters and forcibly cut off their hair.

    1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Yeah. The short and curlies. Anything else gets snipped, Mittney will say that's just how Amurka works. Don't you cry, now, kids. Or he'll get REALLY mad and make fun of you some more.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      but that's ok because it's for cars

      Honestly, a car elevator. Can you imagine if Prez Hopey had done anything like that?

      1. anniegetyerfun

        Fox News could have gotten miles out of the "Pimped Crib of Yo' Prez" specials, methinks.

          1. sullivanst

            I can just picture Mitt clipping his fingers just above his hand and shouting "Boy!", in the exact manner most likely to ensure the next thing to arrive on the table contains extra special sauce.

  11. sharethegrief

    Talk about unfinished business. Where the fuck are those other 9 years of tax returns?

  12. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I want some reporter to ask this Tool why he and his 10,000 male offspring never enlisted.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      They are serving their country by trying to get their daddy elected president….duh. Those poor slobs in Iraq or Afghanistan should have just signed on to Willard's campaign.

    2. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      You know he replied to that the LAST time around: his male offspring are serving the country by getting Daddy elected. Isn't that nice? Pity all the other military can't use THAT excuse AND still have a $100 MILLION trust fund.

    1. weejee

      Or trebucets, see immediately below, for Missal defense of the Buggarestas who are saving the world from Nobama's abortionmultiplexs and mosque-a-terias.

  13. weejee

    Didn't Mittens, the silly goose, notice the trebuchet deftly concealed within the rehabbed bridge? It's part of the 299 yea-voted Nor'easter Missal Defense System. All missals to be in Latin, too, also.

  14. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Yes. We will bring the deficit under control by bitching about amounts of gummint spending that are less than those resulting from people walking home with pens from the office.

    Oh, hey, reminds me, we just got a new box of Post-Its…

    1. OldWhiteLies

      Are they the ziggy-zaggy kind? Cause I have one of those dispensers that doubles as a paperweight (and attitude adjuster) is all …

  15. Antispandex

    I think the new Obama campaign strategy should be, "Just shut up and let Mitt do the talking".

  16. Monsieur_Grumpe

    Whatever mocking Mitt can dish out Wonkette can out mock five fold. Bring it on fudge packer!

    1. tessiee

      Yeah, seriously.
      Mitzi couldn't out-mock us on the mockin'est day of his life if he had an atomic mocking machine.

  17. MissTaken

    But the town hasn't completed its portion of the project, leaving the bridge ready for visitors but still inaccessible to the public.

    States Rights!!

  18. Chichikovovich

    Gad. Are his campaign staff really professionals at this? If you want to criticize and mock the Bridge to Nowhere, you wait until you aren't actually in Nowhere.

    1. biblioteq_tress

      In fairness, the Alaska bridge came with extra army surplus blankets for the former Staples employees who have to sleep under it.

  19. BlueStateLibel

    Can you imagine what a cheapskate boss Mitt Rmoney must have been? Complaining to the secretaries about not turning off the lights, hassling the guy trying to fix the copier. And then "casually" dropping about how many buckeroos he has. We need to find the cheapskate memos he sent out, I bet there are stacks of them.

    1. Puffperney

      Don't do that, he would just use the "cheapskate" angle as evidence of his ability to cut government costs.

  20. mavenmaven

    The GOP has learned that the worse off you make people's lives, the more they vote GOP, so now he figures if also verbally abuses them they will turn out in droves. After all, the GOP likes that S&M thing.

  21. Mittens Howell, III

    Thanks, Job Creator. The car elevator technicians of America salute you!

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      You might be thinking of those run-away truck ramps in the mountains, for when the brakes burn out going up and down steep hills. They go nowhere. But basically, take three steps in any direction, bridge or no, and you're in Canada, Vermont, Boston…

    2. Negropolis

      Only when it's a crossing into Vermont…

      I know, I know. Green Mountain Libel! And, I really do love Vermont. It's New Hampshire, but with some goddamned sense.

  22. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Romney went on to say "Can you think of something more useless than this. My wife couldn't even park two of her cars on it."

  23. JackObin

    This coming from a "man" who is a mormon. I guess we can call that the bridge to a rubber room.

  24. JackDempsey1

    Bridge projects are inherently controversial, I guess.
    The last project that had widespread public support was the "Bridge over the River Kwai," though it was totally fictional.

    1. prommie

      I live in close proximity to what might be called, oh, something like, THE FUCKING FINANCIAL CAPITAL OF THE WORLD, you know, New York City and its exurbs, and area that produces an amazing portion of the gross national product of this nation. And this amazing huge productive economic powerhouse of the nation comprises parts of 3 states, all seperated by bodies of water. And its amazing to me, as I sit in fucking traffic trying to get into or out of Manhattan, that all of the crossings, all of the bridges and tunnels, the Lincoln and Holland tunnels, and the George Washington Bridge, were all built in the 1930s, when Roosevelt was president, and nothing new since then, nothing.

      1. tessiee

        Wait, wasn't the Verazzano-Narrows Bridge built in '64 or '66 or something?

        Yup, just checked wiki, it was '64.

        1. sullivanst

          Yeah but that connects shithole Staten Island with Brooklyn. The other end on of the only reason to ever be on Staten Island (I-278) is a ridiculously narrow bridge to the smelliest part of New Jersey.

          In other words, it's no fucking good for a banker. And no fucking excuse for fatboy Christie.

          Pretty handy for my runs from Long Island down to the oldest kid's college digs at UDel, though.

        2. prommie

          Sullivan is correct, the Verrazano Narrows is not for getting TO New York, it is for going around new york, it is how you avoid the city. Nope, we drive under the Hudson in antique tunnels or else cross on the GWB, a bridge that was never finished even.

        1. RavenRant

          All I remember from The Great Escape is 'The Cooler King' and the great, though unsuccessful, motorcycle jump. And weirdly, Donald Pleasence.

          I meant this.

  25. Come here a minute

    "As a matter of fact, the only good thing about this project is that when the bridge was finished, somebody got to fire all the workers. Ha, ha, now that's funny."

  26. Chichikovovich

    The article left out the best parts of the speech. Showing Mitt's golden touch with the simple folk, the hardy stock of the Granite State:

    "Now one of the things that I love about coming out to small towns across this wonderful country of America is the people. Just ordinary people, no fancy airs, not too tall, not too short…Now I would have liked to spend all day here, but you know I have a lot to do to share my vision of a renewed America founded on its true values, with everyone – I can't take Hawaiian vacations and play golf regularly like some people – [brief forced laughter from dignitaries on stage, puzzled looks from audience, glancing out the window of the "19th Hole Tavern and Meeting Hall" at the 18th green outside] …

    But I'm especially pleased to say hello to Big Joe and Bessie Mufferaw who celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary this weekend, and I'm told they're right up front here. [Reaches out his hand to elderly couple at right of stage.] I'm not Joe Mufferaw. And this is my sister. She don't hear too good. Um….You're not? Naw! I'm gay! That's Big Joe over there. [Moves stiffly to elderly couple at left of stage] Let me shake your hands, I'm proud to meet people that our country was built on – believers in the solid rock of marriage. How many memories you must have. Yeah. For example, me and and Bess – she don't like it when people call her "Bessie", by the way, though people do – we had our first kiss there, after skating one Friday night. Still remember it. [Woman's voice]: Yes, my Joe even took his pen-knife out and carved our initials. You have to look hard but you can still see them. [Man's voice]: So what's wrong with fixin' up that bridge?

    Now I know how much you townspeople love your bridges especially when they are as stoney as that one. And I assure you I want that bridge to last – but it shouldn't be the Federal government that swoops in with their one-size-fits-all bureacrats – you good people don't want handouts, you want to be able to do it yourselves! [From the back: Yeah, but we're broke!] In the first day of my presidency I'll give you the hand up you need by really reviving the economy of this wonderful country. I'll spur growth by cutting the tax burden on job creators, and get rid of the regulations that strangle innovation, and I'll make sure that you people have more of your money in your pockets. [From the back: You mean you'll just do what Bush did?] And most of all, this country needs jobs, and the way to get them is with businesses hiring. Because my friends, the Federal Government has never created a single job. [Bess Mufferaw:] What do you mean? My son was working on the bridge repairs for a whole year. [From the back: Yeah, me too!] [Joe Mufferaw:] He might have lost his house if it weren't for that work. Not much call for masons with nobody building houses.….

    [Transcript ends]

      1. Chichikovovich

        Aw, thanks snackypants. I'm blushing.

        [It shouldn't take four paragraphs to get you out of hiding, though – we all miss you when you're away so long!]

        1. snackypants

          I know, I have been delinquent in my posting. Life has been a busy combination of coming off of tax season, the seemingly neverending hell known as "taking the CPA exam," and landscaping our front yard as we recently received a letter from our joke of a neighborhood association informing us that our half-dead lawn is out of complaince with neighborhood regulations. My snark reserves have been drained, but I miss you all and will try to stop by and chat more regularly.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Screw their 'non-compliance'! Add a bunch of cheap day lilies, some broad leaf weeds and a willow tree and call it a 'Rain Garden'. Then tell your neighbors how much you are doing to offset the hazard to the local aquifer caused by their careless runoff of dangerous pollutants in storm water. Don't forget to include the asbestos and petrochemical pollutants from their roofing material.

            I forgot, when you plant that willow tree, point the roots in the direction of their sewage lines.

    1. George Spelvin

      Jesus Hussein Christ, Chich. If you start doing short stories, the rest of us will have to, you know, find work.

      1. Chichikovovich

        Thanks GS. [BTW – are you the poster formerly known as ShavetheWhales?]

        I screwed up a little though – Joe Mufferaw's first sentence was supposed to say that they had their first kiss on the bridge. But I lost it making an edit to the sentence and didn't catch the mistake until it was too late to change it. Now that's going to be driving me crazy all weekend. Obsessive-Compulsive Perfectionism can be such a curse.

    2. Buckminster

      You totally rule, Chichkovich. Mitt's an unarmed man in a battle of wits. What a misstep

  27. flamingpdog

    "That year [2010], Republican Sean Mahoney made a similar attack on the Sawyer Bridge during his failed bid for Congress. Mahoney's former campaign strategist Pat Hynes was recently hired by the Romney campaign."

    There's hope for us yet, Wonketeers. Looks like the Mittster is an even worse judge of talent than the President!

    1. sullivanst

      Hey. Obama recruited really good campaign talent. Mitt's falling down waaaaaaaaaaay earlier on that front.

  28. Callyson

    Restoration was completed in 2010…
    That year, Republican Sean Mahoney made a similar attack on the Sawyer Bridge during his failed bid for Congress.

    Since it was so successful in 2010, let's attack the bridge again!

    Mahoney's former campaign strategist Pat Hynes was recently hired by the Romney campaign

    So we can expect more stunts like this one? Oh good–I was worried that the Republicans might get boring now that Frothy Mix, Gingrinch, & the other clowns are out of the race…

  29. Negropolis

    And it left behind a public park…

    Well, there's the problem. National-level Republicans don't believe in public infrastructure…at least not publically. A public park? Privatize that shit!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Public parks are good for only one thing – carrying concealed.

      I am having trauma over the things happening in your state. Thanks to The Maddow I know more about what is going down in Michigan than I do Alabama – and I wouldn't have thought it would be so god awful depressing. (just try to imagine what watching the local news here is really, really like. It is terrible and full of stupid. But I kinda feel sorta militantly angry about whats up in Sparty Country. Somebody needs to march on something somehow)

      1. prommie

        Ha, I did it, yay, I got logged on at home (don't be thinking thats some filthy perversion!) So, what have I been missing in the evenings, huh?

      2. prommie

        And by the way, we all know whats going in in Alabama, I talk to people from Alabama, and they all say, race relations are just peachy, they all have negro friends, and they have never in their lives heard anyone say the N-word, and these allegations of racism from Yankee elitest liberals are just anti-southern bigotry.

        1. FakaktaSouth

          Oh my god you just gave me a heart attack.
          I am most certainly going to think whatever perverted thing I would like. AND anything about Alabama makes me NOT want to be naked. Mostly the news here is about who shot what in a trailer, project, or this week it happened to be a boat landing. AND I love everybody. Particularly right now.

          1. trampndirtdown

            I met a girl from Alabama and she described it as " enclaves built around the military industrial complex where the economy is fine surrounded by goobers who bitch about the gubmint spending and shoot at each others trailers". Fair assessment?

          2. FakaktaSouth

            I would say where I am from is built around the industrial MEDICAL complex – Birmingham is a huge huge huge Hospital town, then there is space town, the beach, the capital, two main "college towns" and then a bunch of random shit where you can just take your chances. Some neato southern gothic places that anyone would really dig, but mostly stupid, poor, rural, terrible.

          3. Negropolis

            It's why I'm always careful to make a distinction between your state and Mississippi.

        2. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          Unless they're honest, in which case they'll tell you how long ago they left Alabama, why they're never going back, and how everybody in 'Bama still refers to peanuts (or is it Brazil nuts?) as niggertoes. Lyin' sacks o' shit.

          1. George Spelvin

            Sadly, I must remark that my mom, who was born in 1915, couldn't break herself of calling Brazil nuts them things. Despite the facts that she spent 30 years teaching low primary in central Milwaukee, and 80% of her friends were black teachers.

            Habits are hard to break.

          2. DemmeFatale

            Yeah, my Grandma used to say that.
            She thought she was balancing it out when she said that "they" made great entertainers and athletes.

            (What was that about the idyllic world of Ozzie and Harriet?)

  30. Negropolis

    There is nothing right with America, that can't be spun to show what is wrong with America.

    Romney '12!

    1. FakaktaSouth

      Stay with me baby – you were one of my co-crazies believing we could neck stomp these fuckers (with votes!) I think the polls are going to be second to what I call the "smart guy" antics of the tea party moron brigade I have some intimate knowledge of – my god they are so proud of beating Dick Luger STILL – I would love to give a looot of money to make SURE whoever the dem is wins there now for sure. Same in Nebraska.

      1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        You're right. You just haul off and kick me in the pants again if I get all down in the mouf. We can't let this motherfucker Romney win SHIT because the whole fucking WORLD is so fucked if he gets to be our RobotoPOTUS.

      2. James Michael Curley

        What ever you can do to help Bob Kerrey in NE, DO! He was linked for a long time with Debra Winger (An Officer and a Gentleman) and when asked about it he said, "What can I say – she swept me off my foot,"

        In the 2004 election cycle when in the early stages of the presidential race, he was some what Swift Boated by a highly inflammatory reporting about his Navy Seal career in Vietnam, all in all an exercise in what has been the darker side of ascribing the foreign policy ills of our nation to the veterans who are force, required and very effectively coerced into carrying them out. Times and national temperament changes now all of what Kerrey did in Vietnam is not thematically different then the Navy Seal Team 6 raid on the compound that got Bin Ladden. But we, as a nation, have chosen to vilify those who were ordered to do and embrace what LBJ, Nixon and McNamara established as one of the most radically changed and heinous alternative foreign policy turns our nation has ever seen. That change was from the somewhat archaic, oft expressed concept of 'right makes might' to a blatant 'might makes right' and the national supremely devious posture of reducing the national involvement in our wars to the point where a population more than ready to become complacent, does so merely because so few actually know someone who has any skin in the game.

      3. prommie

        Neck-stomp, I like that, I like that a lot. The neck-stomp brigade, throat-punch division.

    2. LetUsBray

      Who among us hasn't worried this country is collectively just too goddamn fucking stupid to endure? If Willard wins, I believe we'll know it for a fact.

    3. fuflans

      right. i'm right there with you and i have to keep breathing deeply and reminding myself that it's may and the pols, pundits and news orgs have nothing else to do for the next 6 months except get us hot and bothered.

      but! we have to make sure that tool doesn't get to the white house. cause i will seriously move to canada if he does. and i will get stabby before i go.

      1. sullivanst

        It may only be May, but Steve Benen's already cataloged about 200 Mitt lies (OK, with some repeats, because Mitt likes to tell his favorite lies over and over again)

        [Edit: and by "about 200" I mean 243… might even be "about 200" different lies]

    4. Negropolis

      I'm heartened by the fact that they've been running politics against the president, non-stop since the minute he took office and their weak-assed candidate still can't pull away.

  31. Negropolis

    Oh, I almost forgot, make it a toll bridge and charge an entrance fee at the park on the other end. Oh, and open an overpriced concession stand therewithin. 'Cause, profits!

    1. littlebigdaddy

      And if it is a GOP world, there has to be a troll and/or sex goblin under the bridge!

  32. rocktonsam

    I hate America, America sucks, Lazy Americans, just borrow 20 k from your folks, work hard, bootstraps need pulling and vote for me also/2012

    fuck you, you asshole

  33. James Michael Curley

    Mitt said go heavy, go deep on Facebook. It will skyrocket on the opening day.

  34. imissopus

    Christ, every small town in New England has a pretty little stone bridge like that, which you would think Romney would know, seeing as how he spent his entire adult life living up there and all. And Allah forbid the federal government spend $150,000 so some citizens of New Hampshire can have a nice place to spend time the four months out of the year when they have nice weather. What a douche.

    1. George Spelvin

      Well, I hate Thomas Kinkade. Please don't suggest similarities between me and Rmoney.

      1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Shit, he should invite the whole fucking lot of us who might have lost our businesses, jobs, retirement, homes, et cetera, ad infinitum, AD FUCKING NAUSEAM, god I want to take a piss on that worthless sack o'shit SO BAD.

    1. Callyson

      President Obama will honor President George W. Bush at the White House on May 31, in a ceremony unveiling the official portraits of Bush and his wife, Laura Bush…
      Bush gave an impromptu endorsement of presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney earlier this week

      So, really, it was the least Obama could do to express his gratitude…

    2. tessiee

      So, what time does the thing start where, if you throw a baseball and it hits the target, it dumps bush into a tank of water? and also too, how many sharks are in the tank?

  35. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Funny story for a Friday.

    I just got push-polled – "what's the most important thing in this economy? 1) blah 2) blah 3) the STAGGERING job losses under obama or 4) Gas prices"

    So I went through this crap and said I'd vote for obama – hell, supposedly I'd get a free cruise out of it (two day redneck cruise in the carribean)

    Get to the end, press 1 for the agent for the free cruise. Listen to the pitch which is "you need to pay port fees at 159 dollars for the free cruise" … fine. I'm just doing this for the lolz anyway.

    Then I ask the dude on the phone "surely you must get sick of doing this shit all day" and he accuses me of having a fake voice. I've not got a fake voice: I'm fucking British and it is what is is, and I explain that … only to get a stupid facsimile of my accent back and get told to fuck off with my fake voice. Literally told to fuck off.

    I love America. Fucking awesome – that made my night.

    1. FakaktaSouth

      The idea of a dickbag push-polling American saying ANYTHING to a Brit about they way they talk is so great on so many levels it makes me laugh/cry. I apologize on behalf of my smarter brethren (just in general) in my own stupid real accent and can promise you "fake" is NEVER what crosses my mind when I hear that hot ass noise. I am a cliche of a swooner over that accent stuff for reals.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Oh, I don't care, I'm used to it; it happens more than you'd think, even in California. Everyone thinks they can Talk British.

        I was just surprised to get it over the phone and be accused of having a "fake voice" whatever the fuck that means.

        1. tessiee

          "Everyone thinks they can Talk British."

          It's not limited to British. People just LOVE to mimic my accent back to me (always badly); they think it's absolutely hilarious, for some reason; and they seem to expect me to think it's hilarious, too.

    2. RavenRant

      "Fake voice" – That is perfect. Sheer concentrated ignorance on the hoof.

      BTW – I see that you're another who has been absorbed into the Borg Barb Collective.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        To me it sounded midwestern african-american.

        There were some dipthongs which made me believe that – and when the full-on accent came out: "fuck off with your fake voice" – it made me think Michigan African-American.

        1. Negropolis

          Oh, that is just great. Though, I do feel sorry for the guy. He's obviously not a Romney vote, let's just say. lol Call jobs are shitty jobs. My brother did one for about two weeks before he was let go, thank god.

        2. MilwaukeeKent

          The guy will go far, but not in the call center business. He doesn't like his job, took it out on you, and it didn't gain him one damn thing. Seems like enough of a sociopath to make a serious go of things. He could take any service-oriented business and run it into the ground.

    3. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I knew there was something vaguely unsettling about your typing. It's that fake accent in your keystrokes.

          1. tessiee

            I don't think we've ever met in person, but I'm pretty sure I'd rather have you for a neighbo[u]r than the guy who actually does live across the street from me, since he has lots of loud karaoke parties.

            …You're not him, are you?

          2. sullivanst

            ♪♫ Neighbours everybody needs good neighbours
            With a little understanding
            You could find a perfect friend ♪♫

            OK Kylie Minogue doesn't need them so much any more, but she did at first.

    4. rocktonsam

      since Toni Collety sp. whatever is Australian or something can speak like real americans, shouldn't all you speak in a diealick we all can understand

    5. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      OMG! I got EXACTLY the same fucking call! And I resisted mightily the temptation to respond, being as my accent sounds an awful lot like yours and the last time I bawled out a LaRouchie for being a dick in public, he accused me of being a "British fascist."

      I coulda had SO much fun! I COULDA BIN A CONTENDA!

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        You're a gent of the asian persuasion if I've read your posts properly – Singapore? Hong Kong?

        Whichever, the Brit accent is a boon and a source of tribulation. Either I'm an elitist or a filthy foreigner.

        1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          The thing is, it's so obviously NOT British. I have never had an ENGLISH person say, "Gosh, you have an English accent, don't you?" Only an eejit who has no idea what the inhabitants of your island nation sound like could possibly think my accent was English.

          In the event, I could've had SO much fun with him/her, and I opted out. Now I haz a sad.

          1. sullivanst

            Don't sweat it, accent recognition isn't a strong suit in Americans, particularly mid-Westerners.

            Funny story… in my pre-teen years, I lived for a while in Ohio. While there, a cashier literally got into an argument with my older sister as said cashier was absolutely insistent that her (very southeast English) accent was in fact Australian, as if my sister didn't know whence she came.

            Now that I've picked up a little Long Island tinge on my accent, I've been mistaken for Aussie a few times myself, although fortunately not nearly as belligerently as big sis experienced.

    6. Fare la Volpe

      Was it a 256 number? I have received the exact same phone call twice in the past two weeks. The first time I went all the way through, made POTUS sound good, and then hung up the minute my operator came on to tell me about my FREE TRIP*.

      *providing I pay docking fees, room&board, and any handling fees that may apply, void where prohibited, we now own you and your entire family

    7. MilwaukeeKent

      Speak English!

      Srsly, If "English Only" legislation ever gains traction, there's some payback time. We'll have to define English and standardize it sure as 'Taco' will be 'corn-wrapped meat or other product'. These yahoos have to hang Truck Nutz on their Lorries, take the lift when the stairs won't do and put things in their boot. We'll put them 'in hospital' and send them 'on holiday'. Back me up on this.

      1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Doesn't everyone get put in hospital? And I still take holidays, although I've learned to say vacation. And boot, and lift, and all those other – oh, yes, and "flat" means something completely different here. Everytime I go home, my brain has to switch around to understand other people. Lorries, garries, rubbish tips, and the like. It'll be fun.

        1. MilwaukeeKent

          Everyone gets put in hospital eventually, on their own shcheduole. But get Bubbas to the point where, by law, their Ford F-150s are called Lorries, then watch their minds fall apart. That is not what they meant, that is not what they meant at all.

          1. sullivanst

            A pickup is not a lorry, but nor is it simply a truck. It's a pickup truck.

            I still can't reliably remember how I'm supposed to pronounce "schedule". In fact I'm now at a point where I believe I'd be equally confused either side of the ditch.

          2. George Spelvin

            Please. A pickup is a pickup. That's all.

            And nobody remembers how to pronounce "schedule". Most people just avoid the whole thing and say "timeline" or some similar shit.

      2. tessiee

        "Srsly, If "English Only" legislation ever gains traction, there's some payback time. We'll have to define English and standardize it sure as 'Taco' will be 'corn-wrapped meat or other product'."

        so, if you order a latte, the barista will be required to serve you a glass of milk?

        1. sullivanst

          so, if you order a latte, the barista will be required to serve you a glass of milk?

          No, the server would give you a blank stare. Eventually you might be able to work out that you need to order a strong coffee in the continental style diluted with a considerable quantity of steamed milk.

          1. tessiee

            Questions on fast food job application:
            1. Can you mumble?
            2. Can you mumble while avoiding eye contact?

      3. sullivanst

        I say! We'll drink water from the tap, walk on the pavement so the cars (whose petrol-burning engines will be accessed via the bonnet) can drive on the road (under which people will walk through the subway), and the restroom will have comfy sofas. Route will rhyme with flute not about, unless a power tool is being used. Football will be played with a spherical ball and involve far more use of feet. A fortnight will not have to be explained, and there will be 20 fluid oz. in a pint. Smoking a fag will have entirely different connotations, as will fagging at school, which will only be done in public schools with extremely high tuition rates, which are emphatically not state schools.

        Also, everyone will understand the first joke I ever learned to tell: "Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because the paracetamol."

    8. Nostrildamus

      Be safe doing that Fukui. If you're not careful, you might end up on a cruise.


  36. owhatever

    I'll bet anybody here $10,000 that you people are dumb enough to believe what I say.

    1. George Spelvin

      This caught me in a self-engulfing loop until I remembered I'm not Mitt Rmoney.

  37. NellCote71

    I really do not understand why Republicans haven't just said their bus broke down, they forfeit the game and will make up the match in 2016.

    1. Negropolis

      Because they know that with enough money they have a chance of buying the presidency. Honestly, that's all they have left because they know they are losing the demographic war, but it's an option they do have.

    2. MilwaukeeKent

      Well…the average IQ in this country (or any other) is about 100. Half of us are dumber than that. So far they've they been able to count on that fact.

  38. littlebigdaddy

    He's gonna grab one of those sad Vietnam vet types with the long hair and give him a haircut! Yeah!

      1. James Michael Curley

        This Vietnam vet was not only in Vietnam but worked for the post office so ole Mitt ain't got what for as far as I'm concerned and a slowly bleeding, sucking chest wound is about right for him and the party which is actively slashing the budget of money needed by veterans.

        It takes a year, on average for a current veteran to get a prosthetic limb . That is counting the time AFTER the stub healed enough and it was measured and assessed for the replacement device. Advances in field medical response and trauma care have resulted in an 80% higher rate of survival with the current group of Iraq/Afghan vets over those of the Vietnam era with the same injuries. So your going to see a lot more people with less than complete bodies in your daily lives soon. I just hope it isn't standing near a busy intersection with a cardboard sign and a paper cup because reasonable estimates of male homeless find a little over half of them are Vietnam era veterans.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Chichikovna (physician + wife) does some of her clinical work in the local VA hospital. Even worse than the amputations is the epidemic of brain trauma survivors resulting from the improved battlefield medical resources + IED's as a preferred weapon of the modern insurgent. Nobody has any idea how these injuries are going to play out over the long run, but the disabilities and the psychological damage are incalculable. And there are an awful lot of sufferers.

          1. James Michael Curley

            Almost ten years ago while working on a Memorial Day float which was going to be pulled by the local Nat Guard Unit, I marveled at how much more protective the modern helmet was from the WWII to Vietnam era helmet and liner I wore (not very often but that’s a whole nother story and Article 15). Then I considered that many more guys (both men and women) would come back who did not after similar injuries 40 years and more ago. Yes they came back, but the prospects for the future are very dim. Look at Ali, look at the several former NFL players who where phenomenal athletes and now are heading to dementia or palsy. Imagine also what this is going to do to our nation’s budget, our social compact and the hopes and fears of our children as they grow older. I started advocating for this during my election connections in 2004. The results were slim and now as it has blossomed into a major survivor’s issue, there is still no firm Department of Veterans Affairs regulations as to how the aftermath of primary care is treated. The process of having a brain trauma injury classified as a service connected disability is horribly slow and inadequate. A friend who is a psych in the local VA system does primary care and a little C&P (Compensation and Pension) evaluations. He responded a few months ago that he does not know of a single classification of Service Connected Disability for a brain trauma only veteran. And current claims for PTSD are estimated to take up to 4 years to complete (primary physical and psych exams are taking 18 months to establish). The backlog is tremendous.Mind you, returning vets with brain trauma and PTSD (and amputations and kidneys blown out the back by shrapnel) are getting ‘primary’ care; but at the cost of being far from their families and home and, in many cases, still legally under the authority of their enlistment. The effectiveness and the quality can be very variable from facility to facility and from care giver to care giver. I know a few doctors who continue to serve the VA predominantly because they fear that those who have been under their care will no longer get as much attention as they try to give. The revolving door of medical persons in VA hospitals is a virtual whorl wind. I HOPE ALL YOU Wonketteers are reading this and turn off the snark for a week end and go out to your closest Memorial Day Parade and not the closest Memorial Day Sale. When you get there cheer loudly for that guy who, very reluctantly, has agreed to be the TOKEN ON DISPLAY because he needs it for his mental health recovery. Then, at the picnics, when some Republican who is telling you how much he is going to save with his tax cuts when the Paul Ryan Budget is enacted and Mitt Romney is elected and they courageously overthrow the ‘Obama Socialist Agenda’, remember the Republican Party Swift Boating of John Kerry, Bob Kerrey, Max Cleland, Pat Murphy and Tammy Duckworth and spit in his eye. Oh! And be sure to cut those hot dogs into smaller pieces before you give them to toddlers.

          2. James Michael Curley

            Also, thank her for me. I may or may not have met her but many of the doctors (an overwhelming majority) who are doing clinic work or who are employed by the VA have a special set of values which is the closest I have ever come to TRULY following and abiding by the Hippocratic Oath. “If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, be respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.”

          3. Chichikovovich

            Thanks – I'll pass it on. She loves her patients and does everythng she can for them. The VA system itself is excellent, and of course an example of single payer socialised medicine (at least for those whose disabilities are classed totally service connected) and the doctors who work there are committed to the mission of the place.And yes, the military is shamefully refusing to acknowledge PTSD and most brain trauma, probably because of how widespread it would be revealed to be, which would raise uncomfortable questions and hurt recruiting.

            An aside: during the Bush admin several VA researchers Chichikovna knows had prepared a health services research paper on the strengths of the unified VA system (economies of scale, no time lost to insurance forms and general arguing with insurance companies, patient records available in database coast to coast, …) and were told not to publish it. Apparently it undercut the "free market is better in all things" message the Bushies wanted to send. I repeat: VA researchers were ordered by the Bushies not to speak well of the VA in print.

          4. George Spelvin

            That's a terrible aside. While not particularly surprising, it makes me want to hit somebody (which is contrary to my nature). I'd suggest that it should be publicized, but since it is "old news" (over two weeks), the US electorate will likely ignore it anyhow.

            BTW, I am (as I suspect you already knew) the reincarnation of that former commenter. Chet Kinkaid correctly predicted that I could not stay away. Wonkette has a rather unusual commenter pool; and if it has no other distinction, it has managed to make me take a somewhat lighter view of some of the dreadful shit that goes on all around us.

            Also, Galois theory jokes.

            I am trying to spend a bit less time on the blog, so my pee will likely remain quiescent. (I’m retired, so the tubes actually cut into my leisure time).

            Cheers. You’re a big reason I’m still here (or back, or whatever).

    1. tessiee

      if Mittens tried that on an actual veteran *looks in ttommyunger's direction*, I suspect he'd be in for one big fat fucking surprise.

    2. James Michael Curley

      We're not "sad" and the long hair and company patch covered fatigue shirts got your attention. Those of us from Vietnam who are still alive (all 'veterans' have a suicide rate which is three a day now) may include some who have consciously or sub-consciously pursued projecting that image you are stereotyping. However, try reflecting on the concept of a social defense mechanism before you automatically ascribe your prejudices to that person or persons you met and with whom you were afraid to make eye contact almost certainly because you have so soundly and quickly assigned a stereotype.

      As for me I've got a closet full of Brooks Brothers and Rogers Peet suits and a drawer full of custom made shirts from my days of rapidly ascending the corporate ladder. But then (thirty years ago) as now, far to often I awake with red swollen eyes from crying in my sleep as a result of finally falling asleep in a terrified cold sweat. And yes, that morning I would not act very placidly to someone leading a gang of adolescent thugs who held me down and cut a single hair on my head.

  39. littlebigdaddy

    You gotta think it won't be long before Mittens makes fun of someone's car or truck and gets his ass pounded (not in a good way, tho).

  40. tessiee

    "The town of Hillsborough received $150,000 in federal stimulus money to repair the Sawyer Bridge as part of a new park project designed to put people to work installing new benches, lights and visitor parking.

    Those additions have not happened.


    Indeed, the freshly repaired bridge with its new concrete surface and black iron pedestrian rails stops just as it reaches the other side."

    It's not really a subject of which I have any knowledge, but 150K doesn't sound like all that much for a civil engineering/construction project . Is it possible that they spent 150K on repairs, resurfacing, and installing pedestrian rails — and then ran out of money?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Apparently — at least from the way I read it — the stimulus money paid for the bridge repairs, and the town decided to chip in about the same amount of money for the benches and lights and such. And either their money hasn't been appropriated or spent yet, or it got killed somewhere in the process.

      So Romney's basically blaming the successful Stimulus part of the plan for the failure of the local initiative part of the plan. I'm sure the people of the town found it endearing for him to come visit and then point out what failures they've been. Hell, Mitt knows that good help is hard to find.

  41. ttommyunger

    $150K for a "Bridge to nowhere" is peanuts compared to the cash that Mittens & Company will wind up spending on his "Campaign to Nowhere".

  42. Negropolis

    I'm totally just biding my time until, inevitably, Romney starts shamelessly quoting "Greatest Love of All" at campaign rallies and attributes the words to himself.

    I believe the children are our future, America. Teach them right, and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride…

  43. SayItWithWookies

    "That's a nice bridge you got there — what, did you get it on sale at KMart? Five percent off? I'll bet they were supposed to deliver it further upstream but you couldn't afford the fare. Actually in high school I thought this bridge was gay so some friends and I held it down and cut off a bit at the end. I'll see you guys at the next NASCAR race — I'll be the one wearing the Neiman-Marcus trash bag."

  44. RavenRant

    Decades old print ads for ribbed condoms.

    I thought everything could be found on the internet, but I couldn't find a copy of this ad. It used to be a standard feature in the back pages of dozens of magazines and comic books.

  45. George Spelvin

    Well, I certainly hope that mocking the shit out of reasonably-priced local renovation projects becomes a major thrust of the Rmoney campaign. What could go wrong?

  46. Buckminster

    This is the most consistency the helmet has shown so far in his career. Gosh.

    I mourn for Democracy. We have become too stoopid to vote, I swear.

    Well, yes, I do swear. A lot, and I will vote.

  47. ElPinche

    OT: Now I know why I left religion a long time ago.

    Hey anybody plan on watching God covering up the Sun with a Holy drink coaster (or "eclipse") tomorrow?

  48. Biff

    Totally OT and apropos of nothing, I just got an email in my spam filter from fapturbo. Damn, do they do their research, or what?

    1. Blueb4sunrise

      Hell, I got an email from Sarah Jessica Parker:

      It's my honor to invite you to take part in an event I'm hosting at my home…

      Sorry babe, I ain't falling for your evil seductions.

      Also, could you forward that email?

  49. greenide1

    Instead of fixing the bridge, they should have put in a car elevator. He likes those.

  50. DahBoner

    I like Romney's thriftiness!

    He steals lunch money from kids and then sends the money offshore to the Cayman islands….

  51. Cheburashka64

    "Does the park have swingsets? And how long does it take to get to Vermont from here?"
    Steve King.

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