war on war on war on oh fuck it

GOP Women Count Carefully Back To Ferraro, Come Up With ‘GOP Only Party With Chick Veep In Past 25 Years’

Remember before she became a raging bitch?Hey GOP women, is the GOP the real party of women? Please answer in the form of a sexist “joke”!

There’s an old joke about a married couple that’s asked about their hobbies and interests. The husband says he’s focused on “important things” — like the federal budget, health care reform and peace in the Middle East. The wife says she’s focused on the “small things” — like their household budget, their children’s health care and keeping peace within their family.

There’s an important truth here. The things that women focus on and the decisions they make are often unappreciated — but they’re the foundation of our society.

Good joke, GOP women! Because a woman’s place is in the home, so that is all the stuff she cares about, because she is vapid and trite, which prompts the difficult question of just what the fuck these women are doing in Congress, we are pretty sure it is not voting on their household budgets anytime soon? Ha? So, right, some GOP broads wrote a column that started with that “old joke” (that honestly we don’t really get, but we are probably not their target audience, too busy murdering children, and thinking about the Middle East, sorry), and then moved on to all the awesome reasons the GOP is the real party of women.

For the past few months, the Democrats have been accusing Republicans of waging a “war on women” as if some honest disagreements between the parties — over matters like how an “Obamacare” mandate should affect religious institutions or the proper scope of federal law on tribal land — constitute a deliberate GOP campaign to take away women’s rights.

Nothing could be further from the truth, and Republican women have been at the forefront exposing these myths. Let’s face it: Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence. The Republican Party believes in all of those things.

Huh, that is funny, because only three Republicans in the House voted for the Lilly Ledbetter Act (which actually makes “equal pay for equal work” a doable proposition, since it allows people to sue once they find out about the wage discrimination they suffered), and none of you were among them! And, hmmm, your “strong laws against sexual violence” were actually weakened with your vote on the House version of the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act! Weird!

Anything else?

We have a dynamic group of 24 women in the House, including a record nine freshmen. Four of the six women governors today are Republicans. We’re also the only party in the past 25 years to nominate a woman for vice president.

Cool! We wonder if they made sure a man checked their math (it is hard!) before counting back to 1984 so they could get the proper number of years in which the Democrats haven’t managed to field a female nominee for veep (28!). We are glad you went with “25” instead of “28,” because that would have sounded super shifty! But that sort of prompts a question of its own — why did it take the GOP 24 years after Geraldine Ferraro (God rest her crotchety soul!) to find a Gyno-American of their very own?

Anyway, awesome column, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash.), Rep. Sandy Adams (R-Fla.), Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.), Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), Rep. Ann Marie Buerkle (R-N.Y.), Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-Calif.), Rep. Shelley Moore Capito (R-W.Va.), Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-N.C.), Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-Mo.), Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-Kan.), Rep. Cynthia Lummis (R-Wyo.), Rep. Candice Miller (R-Mich.), Rep. Sue Myrick (R-N.C.) and Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.). You have persuaded us this time for sure. Probably that joke at the beginning about what stupid Stepford Wife ninnies we are that clinched it. [MicheleBachmannHouse]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

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  • Barb

    Great picture of Wally and the Beaver.

    • CapnFatback

      Where do you wear the button?

    • WhatTheHeck

      Barb, why do you hate women that you refer to their female parts as a furry animal?

      • Chichikovovich

        She was referring to the animal, silly. Like Frank Dreben did

    • Tundra Grifter

      "Ward, don't you think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night?"
      ~ June

    • flamingpdog

      Tits and Fritz!

      Notice I put the person of the female persuasion FIRST.

  • anniegetyerfun

    There’s an important truth here. The things that women focus on and the decisions they make are often unappreciated — but they’re the foundation of our society.

    I thought the punchline was going to be that those were a smaller model of a man's concerns. Because women are smaller people.

    • Boredw/Gravitas

      No, just their brains are, duh.

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Tits or GTFO

  • Oblios_Cap

    Let’s face it: Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence.

    The partty of cognitive dissonance strikes again!

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    You can't go anywhere anymore without running into a girl. They are everywhere!

    • Oblios_Cap

      Icky girls! They all got cooties!

  • edgydrifter

    We also know for a fact that conservative women are very concerned about assfucking, both simulated and actual. So are conservative men, come to think of it. Weird.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Yeh, the women are for it and the men are up against it.

  • SorosBot

    "Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence."

    Uh, yes you would, because you are. Look at the fucking votes. The Republican party opposes women's rights, equal pay, and strong laws against both sexual and domestic violence. The fact that some of you are women and are willing to throw other women under the bus doesn't change that objective fact.

    • bikerlaureate

      Apparently the key word here is "believe'.

      They just don't believe in those lady-things enough to act on their beliefs.

    • Callyson

      It all depends on how you define "part of a party." Because if by that they mean they'd never be the part of a party that actually defines policies and strategy, they're right–the Reeps would never let them be a part of that. Leave that to the menfolk, ladies, and go out and be our talking heads like good little girls…

      …grrrr…

    • NellCote71

      The sentence is also a double negative: would never be part of a party that didn't believe. Makes it a positive in my grammar book.

  • bikerlaureate

    as if some honest disagreements between the parties

    There's the joke.

  • YasserArraFeck

    It must have been one hell of a deep barrel if it took them 24 years to get to the bottom

  • LettucePrey

    Um, I see nothing in this post about anyone making me a sandwich.

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Yes. And BTW, where is mine?

    • NellCote71

      And the beer?

  • V572 Is this him?

    This is a kind of cynicism that makes all the snark that's ever been posted on the Wonkette read like a Mother's Day greeting card poem.

    "Yassuh massa, we womens is all happy here on da plantation and don' wan' no Yankee man comin in an messin' things up fo' us wid all dat talk 'bout freedum and what all."

  • Goonemeritus

    “The husband says he’s focused on “important things” — like the federal budget, health care reform and peace in the Middle East.”

    I find this unlikely, I‘m confident most men focus on their penis. This is even truer for men in the GOP because they need to focus just to see their penis.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      There's baseball, too. And football, when it's in season.

  • bikerlaureate

    The things that women focus on and the decisions they make are often unappreciated

    Really, is there any subset of humanity that couldn't replace "women" in that sentence? Who are they hoping to impress here?

    • Taj_Mahalo

      "Men"

  • SorosBot

    "There’s an important truth here."

    No, "truth" refers to facts, the way the world actually is, not stereotypes.

    • PubOption

      But facts are something to be arranged around the policy.

  • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

    Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Wash.), Rep. Sandy Adams (R-Fla.), Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.), Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), Rep. Ann Marie Buerkle (R-N.Y.), Rep. Mary Bono Mack (R-Calif.), Rep. Shelley Moore Capito (R-W.Va.), Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-N.C.), Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-Mo.), Rep. Lynn Jenkins (R-Kan.), Rep. Cynthia Lummis (R-Wyo.), Rep. Candice Miller (R-Mich.), Rep. Sue Myrick (R-N.C.) and Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R-Fla.)

    I see only ONE girl's name that's shared with a great lady-historical character from teh holy scripture. Bible-thump cred'/ purist-card-carryin'/ Righteous proselytize-earnin' FAIL.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Michele Bachman?

    • SorosBot

      Note that that's 24 women out of 242 total; meanwhile the Democrats have 48, twice as many, with only 190 total. Still not good, but much better than the Republicans.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      Apropos of nought… a quick glance confirms what I'd begun to wonder as I counted from dim memories of Christian-school immsered childhood: when it comes to women mentioned at all in scripture, Old Testament could kick New Testament's ass.

      • flamingpdog

        Lots of wives and concubines on that list – the way it should be!

    • NellCote71

      And it came to pass that Sandy said: "Whither thou goest, I will go." Nah. You're right. Just doesn't have the same ring. Needz more Ruth, and Naomi and Orpah.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      What I want to know is, is Chaz Bono Mary Bono Mack's half brother? Or half sister? Or half sister and half brother?

      • KarenJ503

        Seriously? Chaz Bono is Mary Bono Mack's stepson currently. He used to be Mary Bono Mack's stepdaughter.

        Sorry to step on your joke…

  • OkieDokieDog

    Not too long ago on NPR I heard a GOP lackey (I think it was a former Mittens adviser) say that Mittens might not choose a woman for VP because it didn't work out so well for Ferraro. I think he must have slept through that whole McCain/Palin fiasco ?

    • LetUsBray

      I imagine that, if you're a Rethug, publicly suggesting that choosing Dumbelina was a less than awesome idea is a good way to get your rabbit boiled. She won't be ignored, you know.

    • BlueStateLibel

      Nah, he just missed his 2008 firmware upgrade.

  • sharethegrief

    Paternalism, GOP women have it.

    • sewollef

      Just like Osteo-porosis. Eventually it weakens the bones unless you do something about it.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I went to my local Graphic Novel hangout yesterday, and yeah, you guessed it, there were girls in it. They were all giggling and prancing around like they owned the place.
    What's going on with them? What do they want?

    • CapnFatback

      The Power Nine of your Magic: the Gathering cards?

      (Look it up. I did!)

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      In my day, if I met even one girl who was interested in "graphic novels" I would probably have had an aneurism and a boner simultaneously!

      • ChessieNefercat

        And died smiling?

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Girls just wanna have fun, that's all they really want.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      It's possible that they do own the place . . . have you checked?

  • niblick77

    25 (28 years really) too late! GOTP the party of crotchety old crotches.

  • Baconzgood

    # notintendedtobefunny

  • HippieEsq

    Reminds me of that old joke about House Republican Women–

    They're stupid.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      hahaha

  • mavenmaven

    That's not even how the joke goes, the actual joke leads to a different conclusion: A guy asks an old couple how they managed to do so well for so many years. So the husband says: When we got married, we decided to split all the decisions. I make all the big decisions, and she makes the little decisions. The friend says, hmmm, but wait, who decides whether its a big decision or a little decision? The husband smiles sheepishly, and replies, "she does"…
    But one doesn't expect joke telling or comprehension skills from a Repub, unless the joke has the N word in it.

    • swordfis

      Fool me once and, err ….

  • CapnFatback

    Let’s face it: Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence. The Republican Party believes in all of those things.

    "In the sense that we do, indeed, acknowledge that they are 'things.'"

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    My prediction is that the next woman they nominate for veep will be that nice lady senator from North Carolina, Lindsey Graham. Walnuts, really wanting to name a woman as his running mate, was torn between pouty-lipped Ham Biscuit and brain-theft-victim Sarah Palin.

    • Graham Cracker

      With Lindsey, it would have been a Graham-Cracker ticket.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      And from what I've heard Lindsey looks absolutely fabulous in a pearl necklace, if you know what I mean.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "…brain-theft-victim Sarah Palin."

      Sarah Palin had a brain at one time? Huh. That zombie licked her cranium clean.

  • LesBontemps

    Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence.

    Hahahaha. Now go make me a sammich.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    I don't know why, but all I can hear is MTM saying "Miiisteeer Graaannt!"

  • FakaktaSouth

    Look, I will be the first to admit that sometimes the only person the Rs can find to say the stupid bullshit one must divorce themselves from reality, deny human decency and whore themselves out and say in order to be a member of the GOP, will in fact have a vagina. But, it is still true that the bullshit they are going along with makes women's lives harder, sometimes terrible even, and makes them triple cunty. So, shut up.

    • prommie

      They never mentioned that one of the things women might focus on and make decisions on is whether or not to have a baby. Or that women might also want to have some input on whether they are gonna have sex at any particular time, too. Hmm, I guess those GOP ladies are too preoccupied with stretching the house money so they can buy steaks for the hubby.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Explains Alan Keyes and the Log Cabin GOPers.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      The Flying Tomato did a Triple Cunty with a Backside 360 at the Winter X Games this year.

  • Baconzgood

    Writing this isn't making me a bacon and cheese sandwich.

  • prommie

    Don't worry your pretty little heads, ladies, we men of Wonkette will take care of this GOP sexism so you can get right back to your knitting.

    • FakaktaSouth

      I AM NOT LEARNING HOW TO KNIT. I can cross-stitch though. I can't really cook very well either, but I can still make sure everyone eats. I can also make the settlement look all decorated and lovely, not that any of you men types will have time to notice such silly things. But no knitting.

    • fuflans

      and then we will stab you with those knitting needles.

      for sexism.

    • finallyhappy

      speaking of yarn projects- this crocheter is taking a crocheted cervix with her to the Capitol building in VA to present to that creep McDonnell. And we can stab you with a crochet hook- just takes more force than with a needle

    • Gainsbourg69
  • Fare la Volpe

    It's a phrase I've used all too often the past few days:

    Quislings Gonna Quisling.

  • gullywompr

    Guess they told us, huh? Yay lady Republicans! Jam out with your clams out!

  • IncenseDebate

    The husband says he’s focused on “important things” — like the federal budget, health care reform and peace in the Middle East.

    Apparently the husband sucks at what he is focusing on.

  • metamarcisf

    Here's another couple of old jokes you'll be sure to enjoy:

    "Tonto, blow me pronto"

    and

    "Kimosabe, bite my lobbie"

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Republican women have been at the forefront exposing these myths. Let’s face it: Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights

    Even if this should be an issue for Republican people, they can zero in on, and talk about Republican women all they want. Their best friend is a Republican woman.

  • dijetlo

    Did they mention she's a fucking RINO who wouldn't be allowed to lick Michele Bachmans jack boots in todays Republican party?

  • SayItWithWookies

    We have a dynamic group of 24 women in the House, including a record nine freshmen.

    Pretty awesome, Republican women — that means one-third of the women in the House belong to the GOP. Okay, slightly less than a third. And why didn't you mention female Republican Senators — because the two most prominent ones are those horrible RINOs you're always complaining about, Collins and Snow? Anyway, keep voting to take away your rights, and I'll keep voting to ensure that you still have them, whether you like it or not.

    • prommie

      Yes, but with the GOP's strong support for the second amendment, and Sarah Palin's cheeleading, they hope to "pick off" the democratic congressladies one by one as they put them "in the crosshairs" and "take them out."

      • Generation[redacted]

        These Republican women support their Republican men, who invite the Democratic women to "sit on my machine gun."

        Of course it's not a threat because nobody should take what they say seriously.

  • fartknocker

    All one needs to do is look at the Congressional record of Kay Bailey Hutchinson and you can quickly learn that A) She's done nothing for the people Texas, B) She's another GOP hack, and C) Thank god she's going to retire, as she's been performing like a retiree for the past 5 years.

    Her replacement won't be any better.

    • YasserArraFeck

      "Her replacement won't be any better couldn't be any worse"

      Fixed.

      • HistoriBarb

        Oh you just had to say that didn't you … when fucking weird-ass David Dewhurst is elected, you are going to learn just how wrong you can be.

        • YasserArraFeck

          cocksucker's not there yet

  • UnholyMoses

    Y'all are missing the point here.

    They believe in equal pay and strong anti-violence-against-women laws. They just don't vote for them to actually be put into place in any meaningful way.

    • Generation[redacted]

      They believe in them, meaning they believe those things already exist and therefore passing laws on the subject are just a waste of time.

      Check!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Does this mean Barry will have to dump Joe for Dr. Jill?

  • bureaucrap

    It appears there are some R women reps who didn't sign because this statement was too liberal even for them. I'm looking at you, Virginia Foxx (R-Lunatic).

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    They forgot Virginia Foxx (R-NC). Oh, that's right … she's not even human….

  • TootsStansbury

    I am feeling stabbier and stabbier as this day progresses.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Republican humans would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in human rights.
    Republican workers would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in worker rights.
    Republican gays would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in gay rights.

    Riiiiiiiight…

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    It's Friday, so you know what that means–Happy Hour at the Abortionplex!

    • Generation[redacted]

      Just don't ask what's in the dirty martini

  • MissTaken

    GOP: Some of our best friends are women!

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Some of our best friends own women!

      fixed.

  • Nostrildamus

    GOP is the only party in the last 4 years to nominate a moron for Vice President.
    Also twice the last 20 years.
    Also three times the last 40 years.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    …the only party in the past 25 years….
    I know they mean of the Big 2 , but otherwise not even close to being true. They nominated a woman JUST LIKE THE SOCIALISTS and GREENS!!!!!!!!!!!!
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_female_Unite

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Mitt Romney does not know any women, but he is great friends with many of their owners.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    I presume the ladies had a man ghostwrite this letter for them, or at least proofread it. I mean, ladies and their spelling, amirite fellas?

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      it clearly wasn't written by a Homescholer

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    These nice ladies have obviously hired that one student of mine whose résumé described his entry-level job at McDonalds as "a management-track position with a Fortune 500 company"

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      It worked out wonders for W's Admin.

  • LesBontemps

    We’re also the only party in the past 25 years to nominate a woman for vice president.

    That's simply not true. There have been dozens of female veep candidates: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_female_Unite

    Plus, the Dems nominated Lieberman in 2000.

  • owhatever

    Veep-Shmeep. These Republican flakes forget that our queen bee, Hillary, almost took the whole enchilada before losing to the Kenyan?

    • Generation[redacted]

      Hey you're right! We could totally vote against VAWA and equal pay and nobody could say boo. Come to think of it, with a blah President, imagine what else we could vote against…

  • Wile E. Quixote

    We’re also the only party in the past 25 years to nominate a woman for vice president.

    And the best that you could find amongst the field of GOP women was the quitter from Wasilla. A woman who couldn't even hack a single term as governor of Alaska and whose daughter is a cheap slut who's estranged from the father of her bastard child.

  • Fox n Fiends

    You can bet your damn ass that MRS ROMNEY spends her days working hard on the household budget, their children’s health care and keeping peace within their family.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    I'd love to have the money to run an ad campaign based upon this letter. Start taking out ads showing Sarah Palin's more embarrassing moments (which moments are those? All of them, Katie.) juxtaposed with this letter and ending with a banner reading "Republicans, the only party with the courage to nominate Sarah Palin." The thing is that Republicans are so fucking stupid that once you started running these ads they'd be lining up to give you money to keep running them.

  • fuflans

    republican female reps are WINOs.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Nothing could be further from the truth, and Republican women have been at the forefront exposing these myths. Let’s face it: Republican women — like us — would never be part of a party that didn’t believe in women’s rights, equal pay for equal work and strong laws against sexual violence. The Republican Party believes in all of those things.

    I'm sure they do and I'm sure that Cathy McMoron Rogers would say that a man who was posing hogtied and nude with a grenade in his mouth on the cover of a Ted Nugent album would deserve the same pay as a woman who was posing hogtied and nude with a grenade in her mouth on the cover of a Ted Nugent album..

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Sniff the glove.

  • Steverino247

    We nominated a woman named Ferraro. They nominated a cunt. I rest my case.

    • horsedreamer_1

      But both of them hate the blahs.

      • Steverino247

        Could be, but one of them slept with a blah, so I guess that modifies that a bit?

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    The endgame is obvious: Republican women want to be able to cut out that middle man and marry corporations directly.

  • ttommyunger

    If you count closeted cunts, the Repugs are 100% women.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I get it now. The joke is that the women spoke without getting permission of her husband first.

    Or is it that a woman would think at all?

  • ChrisM2011

    And in other news, in Arizona, Republican senators have passed a bill that would allow doctors to withhold important medical information from their pregnant patients.

    You've Come a Long Way, Baby!®

  • sbj1964

    I have never understood why my wife hates it when I call her tits CHESTICALS.

  • Midway117

    I have learned to run fast and far whenever I read something that uses the phrase, "Let's face it."

  • freddymcmurray

    And sadly, this is the least offensive thing I've heard from the GOP in months and months.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    I think she has her hand on Mondale's Johnson.

  • gingerland62

    Does anybody actually know a republican woman, or are they only on TV?

  • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

    A female Republican is sort of like a black Republican or a gay Republican. And by sort of, I mean exactly.

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Equality_Joe

    You know, my concern over health care is actually pretty seriously connected to my concern over how my family, and families like mine, are able to obtain adequate health care. Am I maleing wrong?