GREAT LEGISLATIVE ACHIEVEMENTS  3:53 pm May 18, 2012

House Votes to Give Middle Finger to Pentagon Missile Defense Strategy

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson

C-SPAN should really upgrade its House cameras to color one of these days.

The House of Representatives thrust 299 irate middle fingers into the air in response to military leaders’ claim that the United States does not need yet another missile interceptor site with a vote Friday in favor of authorizing $100 million to start planning for an East Coast missile defense system that U.S. Northern Command and North American Aerospace Defense Command General Charles Jacoby has spoken of with such ringing endorsements as, “Today’s threats do not require an East Coast missile field and we do not have plans to do so.” Yes, well. Either Congress will spend this money on plotting a multibillion-dollar dream force field against Iran’s imaginary long-range missile arsenal, or some silly children can have their dirty food stamps. “And no one wants that!” thundered all the puffy middle fingers in a voice filled with pique, meaning the food stamps.

So why does the House want this missile field so badly, since the Pentagon is already having fun building mammoth missile defense fields all over Europe, Israel, the Persian Gulf, the moon, et cetera? Let’s have a peek at some of the top secret intelligence they’re using to make national defense decisions:

[House Strategic Forces subcommittee chairman Rep. Michael] Turner cited Obama’s “hot mic” incident with in March with then-Russian President Dmitry Medvedev in claiming that Congress had to push forward on missile defense because the president was not.

Good reason! Barack Obama must be punished for quietly explaining to his Russian counterpart that Congress is too insane to allow him to work on arms reductions initiatives during an election year, shame on him.

What else made it into this defense authorization bill that a bipartisan majority passed 299-120? Let’s see… “The House ultimately supported current law that allows the government to indefinitely detain [terror] suspects” … “language that would limit [the president's] ability to cooperate with Russia on nuclear weapons issues or reduce the nuclear stockpile” … “the bill requires a minimum of 68,000 troops in Afghanistan through 2014″ … “an amendment that replaced the first year of the sequestration cuts — more than $50 billion to the defense budget — with discretionary cuts that were included in [Paul] Ryan’s budget” and on and on and on.

So nice of this House of Representatives — it’s almost like they thought you needed a pretext to start drinking on Friday afternoon. [The Hill]

 
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{ 143 comments }

nounverb911 May 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm

Stick the system in the Hamptons and aim everything at Peter King.

Hacklebarney May 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Can we somehow route this to Rep. Steve King in Iowa? I'd support that.

MissTaken May 18, 2012 at 3:59 pm

“Today’s threats do not require an East Coast missile field and we do not have plans to do so.”

Sounds like we're going to war with Nova Scotia!

HogeyeGrex May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

We have always been at war with East Canadia.

Baconzgood May 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

DAMN YOOOOOOOOOU HOGEYE!!!!!!!!

HogeyeGrex May 18, 2012 at 4:26 pm
Baconzgood May 18, 2012 at 4:04 pm

"We have always been at war with Nova Scotia"

-George Orwell-

weejee May 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Doncha think the Newfies are a greater threat? With all the rutabagas, turnips, and cabbage they grow up there our risk they could hit us with a serious gas attack is not trivial.

Dudleydidwrong May 18, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Listen! If those damn capelin fish thingys don't come in the Newfies will start to starve. Then they'll declare war on themselves and ask us to choose sides.

JustPixelz May 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

Because they have single payer health care. The bastards.

SorosBot May 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

You would want to go to war with them.

Ruhe May 18, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Also known as the "Great Concavity".

MadBrahms May 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Just wait until Prince Edward Island intervenes. Green Gables has one hell of an air force.

Come here a minute May 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

If they get the bomb, next thing you know Newfoundland and Labrador will want it.

nounverb911 May 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

“the bill requires a minimum of 68,000 troops in Afghanistan through 2014″
Only if Congress sends their kids first.

HogeyeGrex May 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

That bit sounds an awful lot like Congress steppin into an Executive role, but we know they wouldn't ever try to usurp the Presidential authority of teh Unitary Execumative. Now would they?

mormos May 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

i've wondered for a while, since Barry is the commander in chief, can't he forbid the military from spending money given to them by congress? If congress wants to allocate 80 trillion dollars for bombs, can't Barry say, nope, you guys are only allowed to spend 1 trillion on bombs, and then give the other 79 trillion back at the end of the quarter and tell congress to spend it on education or to go fuck themselves or both?

James Michael Curley May 18, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Lets go to the Constitution:
"To raise and support Armies, but no Appropriation of Money to that Use shall be for a longer Term than two Years;

To provide and maintain a Navy;

To make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces;

To provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions;

To provide for organizing, arming, and disciplining, the Militia, and for governing such Part of them as may be employed in the Service of the United States, reserving to the States respectively, the Appointment of the Officers, and the Authority of training the Militia according to the discipline prescribed by Congress;

The above section of Section 8, Article 1 of the constitution has been the traditional way in which the courts have determined that the President cannot 'sequester' appropriations approved by Congress for the military. A minor constitutional kerfuffle occurred n 1969 right after Nixon took office when he announced that he would sequester funds the military was required to spend for NATO. It did not last long and other then giving his peeps a taste of what they thought they voted for, settled the issue for a while.
The Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Act in the mid 1980 sought to and effectively nullified the effectiveness of 'forward avails' when Reagan would test the concept by alleging that the funds he was refusing to pay would become part of 'forward available' budget spending.
The Sequester Replacement Act passed by the House (with almost 300 votes) a few days ago nullifies the Budget reductions, as they affect defense spending, in the across the board spending cuts from the Budget Control Act (the 2011 agreement to rais the debt ceiling). Congress could not pass the monmouth defense budget they just passed without eliminating the Deficit Reduction Agreement from last year raising the debt ceiling. Naturally the Republicans are not restoring the cuts to Healthcare Act, Social Security, Food Stamps and other 'discretionary spending' cut to make the debt ceiling deal.

James Michael Curley May 18, 2012 at 10:12 pm

For a shorter reply, the President cannot broadly sequester military appropriations and just a few days ago, the limited authority he had which had been worked out between Reagan and the Democratic Congress in the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Act of 1985 was killed by Congress. The Presidents hands are now completely tied from having any effect on military spending.

PubOption May 18, 2012 at 4:01 pm

In USA missile defense chooses East coast.

V572 Is this him? May 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Oh don't worry, they've been building shit like crazy in AK for ten years. Damn thing doesn't work in actually shooting down "enemy" missiles, but it is very good at one thing: lining the pockets of contractors.

SorosBot May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Yay, now we on the East Coast would be defended from our possible attackers, like the Chitauri.

Baconzgood May 18, 2012 at 4:10 pm

Don't forget Mermen. And I don't know about you, but that Sponge Bob looks kinda shifty to me.

MissTaken May 18, 2012 at 4:12 pm

Never trust someone who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:20 pm

The squirrel, she is a traitor, she has betrayed the land-dwellers to reside unnaturally under the sea.

SorosBot May 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

But under the sea, they'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans, under the sea!

Ruhe May 18, 2012 at 4:31 pm

It's Plankton you have to watch out for.

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

I thought Spongebob lived in a bikini bottom — in which case, he'd probably be too busy and too happy to attack anybody.

mormos May 18, 2012 at 4:20 pm

now if only it could protect us from congress

MadBrahms May 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

You're telling me you aren't worried about the Deep Ones? If ever there were a time for Cthulu to rise and kill us all, this would be it.

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:46 pm

*checks to make sure that cocktail sauce, lemon wedges, and tiny forks are at the ready*

weejee May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Barry needz to give the House the Vulan treatment: a stinky vee-toe!

V572 Is this him? May 18, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Search string which produced that, pleez…so that I may never, ever type it.

weejee May 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Got it using a new Firefox plug-in called PunDitz™. I think Mel Brooks bankrolled it.

SayItWithWookies May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Michele Bachmann is seriously concerned that the east coast is vulnerable to the aliens living in the pyramid at the bottom of the ocean in the Bermuda Triangle.

fartknocker May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

What we really need is a Missile defense system to protect the Gulf of America.

In other news Raytheon and General Dynamics stock is up 4 points.

Baconzgood May 18, 2012 at 4:03 pm

So they bitch about SSI losing money and being wastefull (Neither of which is true) then they spend 100M on army guys that the army think is a waste of money.

I just want to stress when the army sais it's a waste of money it must be. The army doesn't give a second thought to having a 30 million dollar tank blow up.

sewollef May 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Problem is, $100 million isn't going to buy much in the armaments supermarket.

The fancy new F-22 Raptor fighter aircraft costs the military sorry, us taxpayers… $143 million each. That's each and every single plane.

And pilots can't stand to fly the thing because of sporadic oxygen supply issues. As in the plane stops supplying it to the pilot at high altitudes. The pilots black out and, well, I can see a serious staying in the air problem with that scenario.

I also think the plane was built by Skoda.

SigDeFlyinMonky May 18, 2012 at 5:36 pm

Trabant?

V572 Is this him? May 18, 2012 at 4:52 pm

Whereas the Air Force is so afraid of their jobs being taken over by $1M/ea drones that they keep larding them up with larger and larger "payloads" and more gold-plated capabilities, when it'd be much cheaper to just launch another.

Steverino247 May 18, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Strictly speaking, the Army cares very much when a tank blows up. It's the Air Force and Navy crashing planes that seems to be "business as usual." I used to subscribe to an international aviation magazine. Every month they listed all military aircraft crash by type and circumstances. I could not believe how much money was being wasted on aluminum recycling every month!

Native_of_SL_UT May 18, 2012 at 9:28 pm

I was talking to an Iraqi vet who was telling me a story about how they buried a bulldozer because it was easier than try to explain to the brass why they had one two many.

JustPixelz May 18, 2012 at 4:05 pm

When the topic was repeal of DADT, those same GO-Pee'ers were all "listen to the commanders". Now its something Zombie Reagan wants and they're all "shut up General Stupid Pants".

If they could build it out of food stamps and social security payments, they would. OH WAIT! They are going to build it out of those things.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 18, 2012 at 4:06 pm

Ahem… The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now, uhuh. Uh, so let's get going, there's no other choice. God willing, we will prevail, in peace and freedom from fear, and in true health, through the purity and essence of our natural… fluids. God bless you all" and he hung up.

Uh, we're, still trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.

[Sorry, prolly shoulda waited for Wile. E Quixote to do that one]

Wile E. Quixote May 18, 2012 at 6:38 pm

Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

metamarcisf May 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

In Soviet Russia, leaders use missiles to scare USA. In USA, missiles use Russia to scare leader!

HogeyeGrex May 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

That "East Coast missile field" wouldn't happen to be sited in a Republican district, would it?

spends2much May 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

Why would they want to protect the east coast from anything? Surely someone in the Koch empire is working on a system that would shield Real America from nukes, the way it is currently shielded from facts, reality, and common sense.

FlownOver May 18, 2012 at 5:12 pm

And the dinosaurs… Davey loves him some dinosaurs.

LastGasp May 18, 2012 at 4:09 pm

From Dwight D. Eisenhower's Military/Industrial Complex Speech:
In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

I bet Ike could never imagine that one day there would exist what can only be called a Right-wing/Industrial complex.

vodkamuppet May 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Even the military thinks the MIC is a waste. Up is the new down and down is the new up in these strange times. Anthropologically it's interesting to watch but as a non willing bystander, it's fucking Terrifying. I'm way more afraid of congress than Al Qaida.

anniegetyerfun May 18, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Ike would, by today's standards, be considered a fucking hippie. He'd be starring opposite Joe The Plumber in a political ad.

vodkamuppet May 18, 2012 at 5:19 pm

"Ike was a bitch, waiting until the 6th just because of some rain. Punk ass shoulda said go on the 5th, FAG!!!!!"

HistoriBarb May 18, 2012 at 9:31 pm

Ike originally had it as the "Military Industrial Congressional Complex" but was persuaded that this would be too inflamatory.

Baconzgood May 18, 2012 at 4:12 pm

C'mon really, if you bombed South Boston you wouldn't be able to notice the difference.

mormos May 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

and if we nuked DC we wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the irradiated mutants and congress

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:56 pm

if they're stumbling around in search of BRAAAAIIIINNNNZZ, they're probably not mutants.

gullywompr May 18, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Hey GOP, you signed off during the last shutdown-showdown that if the supercommitte failed, that the defense budget would be cut, and all your little red states with their cushy defense contracts and military bases would suffer. No lame attempt to show that defense spending needs to increased is going to get you out of it. Deal.

mormos May 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm

no they got out of that by slashing federal programs instead.

gullywompr May 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

You're right. I missed this morning's House vote where they tried to make defense sequestration vanish into thin air. But they're forgetting something: Barry has a pen.

edgydrifter May 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

What the fuck are we trying so hard to protect anyway? We blow. Or maybe that's it–the great Republican strategy is to make this country such an uninviting shithole that nobody wants whatever it is we've still supposedly got. Thanks for squelching my nationalism-boner just before the Olympics.

randcoolcatdaddy May 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

My God, will someone get these people in Congress some valium? Sheesh….

AncienReggie May 18, 2012 at 5:53 pm

Mere valium ain't gonna cut it. Those people need full-on antipsycotics … say, maybe Zotepine. Or Thorazine at least.

Blueb4sunrise May 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

Okay,

Dear Gen. Jacoby,
Since you have $100 mil to spend and have no need for it, we at Wonkette will apply as contractors to develop the plan that you don't need, and for which not-plan we are eminently qualified in not-providing.

Sincerely…

johnnyzhivago May 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm

If North Korea can figure out how to make a nuclear bomb that works and figure out how to make a missile that works and develop a missile that can be launched from a submarine and build a submarine, this will come in handy.

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:26 pm

We must not allow the potential to develop for the possibility of a slight decrease in our overwhelming superiority!

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:58 pm

If we can only blow up the world 10 times instead of 100 times, what about the troops?
*clutches pearls*
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE TROOPS?

OldWhiteLies May 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Wouldn't they also have to figure out how to get that same said submarine covertly through the Panama Canal for a a missile defense system on the EAST coast to be of any value?

Course maybe they haven't figured out how to use the directions feature of Google maps to get that shortest route.

SorosBot May 18, 2012 at 6:18 pm

Considering what global warming is doing to the Arctic ice cap, the Panama Canal won't be needed for too much longer, at least not during the summer.

OldWhiteLies May 18, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Indeed. Point taken. Glorious Submarine 1 – to the NW passage.

But I have to tell you that picturing them trying to traverse their sub through the Great Lakes has me grinning, thinking about a goofy movie plot …

The Gloriouses are Coming, The Gloriouses are Coming

johnnyzhivago May 18, 2012 at 6:41 pm

OK, but first they'll need to buy a computer that can run a web browser.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:07 pm

..also should they buy and process sufficient Uranium to counter our arsenal then such a shield will be real handy also I hear they are on the verge of moving beyond dial-up! plus…one should never under estimate the power of the Amiga 1200, it has many untapped capabilities.

ManchuCandidate May 18, 2012 at 4:17 pm

Wait till Congress gets the bill for a missile defense system that actually hits something.

Callyson May 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

But we need that East Coast missile defense system so we can look into Putin's soul.

GuyClinch May 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

They also passed an amendment to paint the missiles with some really cool pinstripes and flames 'n' stuff for an additional $30 million.

Assholes. Stupid, dangerous, profligate assholes.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 5:14 am

Pinstripes, eh? I was wondering what they were going to do with the old Yankee Stadium site.

Chichikovovich May 18, 2012 at 4:18 pm

“the bill requires a minimum of 68,000 troops in Afghanistan through 2014″

Well, the Republicans in Congress are doing what it feels is best for the nation. The administration will just need to send a letter to every one of those 68,000 soldiers telling them that thanks to the Republicans' patriotism and respect for the heroic sacrifices of our fighting men and women, those soldiers'll just have to stay in that parched desert surrounded by "allies" who detest them for 12 months or more longer than they had been told to expect.

weejee May 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

And some are scratching their little pin heads over polls of our weary warriors that show Hopey beating Mittens amongst the GI Janes and Joes?

bikerlaureate May 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

Well, it's not like anyone really wanted to eliminate indefinite detention, reduce the nuclear stockpile, get further out of Afghanistan or pare down the defense budget.

My head hurts.

Maman May 18, 2012 at 4:20 pm

What does the military know about weaponry… sheesh

BarackMyWorld May 18, 2012 at 4:23 pm

FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY!

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

I'm hoping to deploy my missile on the east coast this weekend . . . .

Generation[redacted] May 18, 2012 at 5:00 pm

be sure to use a defense!

Doktor StrangeZoom May 18, 2012 at 5:24 pm

And don't overdo it on the frozen daquiris, or you could accidentally deploy ICBMs

weejee May 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

KBJ are you sure that you didn't pick-up a typo in your post? This sounds like it may truly be a move by God's dogs to put in a missal defense system to guard against Hopey's change bringing abortionplexs, mosques, and #occupy massage parlors to every street corner in the Northeast?

fuflans May 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

i can't wait til the batshit gets control of the senate as well.

god.

Ruhe May 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm

If the missile field is to be located on the East Coast that must mean that the Hobos have concentrated their "dirt rocket" research and development somewhere along the Eastern seaboard, perhaps in the Canadian portion.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 18, 2012 at 4:25 pm

For the love of god, aim that thing at Belgium BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!

sewollef May 18, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Good god man…. not Belgium. What about the beer!

What can you be thinking???

Let's point all those missiles at the Cayman Islands, or where ever else all those assholes have stashed their offshore loot.

Generation[redacted] May 18, 2012 at 4:59 pm

CLASS WARFARE!!!1!… ummm… literally.

criminogenic May 19, 2012 at 7:13 pm

I never trust a people named after Mucus.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

We have always been at war with someone in that general direction.

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Those fucking bastards!

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Remember the golden rule of government spending: If its not worth doing, then its not worth doing it right.

Chichikovovich May 18, 2012 at 4:44 pm

If it has no purpose to begin with, then it won't defeat its purpose to spread it out over 30 congressional districts.

prommie May 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

But could these missiles perhaps reach Arizona?

Ruhe May 18, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Citing Obama-open-mic-gate. Sweet strategy. Combine that with the power point that featured clips from Independence Day and MIB and how could anyone not be convinced?

CrunchyKnee May 18, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Needz moar tax cuts for the jerbs creators.

fuflans May 18, 2012 at 4:34 pm

this has been one of those days on wonkette that makes me go to lolcats or surisburnbook or the nearest bar.

is ghost ken here?

anniegetyerfun May 18, 2012 at 5:11 pm

He's here in spirit.

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 7:02 pm

'surisburnbook"

I don't know what that is, but it sounds like Tom Cruise's kid (or Katie Holmes' kid, anyway, who knows who the father is) has a book of burns. I don't like one single thing about that.

George Spelvin May 18, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I think it's only named after Suri.

It's the toobz, you know?

fuflans May 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm

nah it's a funny blog.

fuflans May 18, 2012 at 9:08 pm

yup that's exactly what it is. suri cruise looking down on everybody in her life – including and esp tom cruise, katie holmes and the jolie pitt kids.

it's some fine writing and fine snark.

(one assumes it is not actually written by suri cruise.)

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 11:06 pm

"suri cruise looking down on everybody in her life – including and esp tom cruise, katie holmes and the jolie pitt kids."

While I can understand that it must be difficult to resist such an easy temptation as changing "Shiloh Pitt" to "Pile O' Shit", people whose alleged fathers are crazy closet cases aren't entitled to make fun of other families.

Chick-Fil-Atheist™ May 18, 2012 at 4:35 pm

New rule: Republicans must prove that all dollars they vote on, must never come from government coffers, ever. Starve the alleged pig.

Ruhe May 18, 2012 at 4:39 pm

Okay, so I guess you gotta be optimistic and assume that the anti-missile missiles will actually work but even if they do work at some reasonable rate (which would be what? I don't know) by placing the missile field on the very densely populated East Coast aren't you telling the as yet unidentified threatening foreign power, "hey, be sure to strike hear first"? Will the missiles on the field be arrayed in the form of a target? I thought the idea was that we wanted hostile nations with ICBM technology to always have to shoot at Wyoming first…and not just because of Dick Cheney.

George Spelvin May 18, 2012 at 8:16 pm

Sorry, you lost me with the first sentence. Such an overdose of optimism does not exist.

Seriously, these Congressclowns don't know, or care to know, if a missile defense is plausible. This is just welfare for defense contractors.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 21, 2012 at 5:18 am

Economic stimulus, GOP-style!

Doktor StrangeZoom May 18, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Gentlemen, you can't fight here! This is the Limitless Appropriations Room!

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 18, 2012 at 4:46 pm

East Coast missile defense system that U.S. Northern Command and North American Aerospace Defense Command General Charles Jacoby has spoken of with such ringing endorsements as, “Today’s threats do not require an East Coast missile field and we do not have plans to do so.”

But has he considered the existential threat to this country that is France? Hell, we barely kept one French speaking loser out of the white house, and now we have another one running? Won't someone think of the children!!!

MissTaken May 18, 2012 at 4:49 pm

This is what Austerity® smells like.

Mumbletypeg May 18, 2012 at 5:40 pm

"Good night and good yyyyuucchhh!"

ttommyunger May 18, 2012 at 4:55 pm

Iss not about defense, iss not about the military, iss all about the moneez!

iburl May 18, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Obviously, since there is no reason on Earth to flush this money into the toilet-like pockets of the Military-Industrial complex, the Congress and Pentagon must be in a conspiracy to create an Earth defense shield to protect us from the lizard men from the Asteroid Belt, but we're not cleared for that. Remember, Congressmen are very important people and always know what is best for us.

Generation[redacted] May 18, 2012 at 4:58 pm

This program should really be left to the individual states.

FlownOver May 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm

Gentlemen – we must not allow an imaginary missile defense system gap!

southernbeale May 18, 2012 at 5:02 pm

So I guess we're not worried about the budget deficit any longer, right? RIGHT?! Whew what a relief!

iburl May 18, 2012 at 5:03 pm

As somebody who does not reside on the East Coast and also does not believe in wasting enormous sums of money for no good reason, I'm struggling with how not to take this as a giant "Fuck You!"

Antispandex May 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

You know, since Barry is the demander in chief, he can just refuse to allow HIS military to cooperate in the waste of shit he doesn't need. I mean he CAN order the Joint Chiefs around, and there is nothing congress can do about it. I think that's even in the Holy Constitution…or something.

prommie May 18, 2012 at 9:47 pm

Unitary executive for the win!

Dudleydidwrong May 18, 2012 at 5:04 pm

“the bill requires a minimum of 68,000 troops in Afghanistan through 2014"

Boy Scout troops. Girl Scout troops. Cub Scout troops (well, they are packs but they count as troops). Brownie troops. Sea scout troops. All these troops are being sent to Afghanistan? What does the Republican party have against America's children?

If all those Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts go to Afghanistan, I'll bet there will be a need for some birth control devices. Or is that your plan, House of Representatives scum?

Lucidamente1 May 18, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Today’s threats do not require an East Coast missile field and we do not have plans to do so.

And people question Senator McCarthy for investigating the army.

SigDeFlyinMonky May 18, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Deploy it only if the system passes the "strapped down chicken test" when the chicken is replaced with Rep. Turner (R).

Nostrildamus May 18, 2012 at 5:27 pm

MadBrahms May 18, 2012 at 5:33 pm

Well, someone needs to protect us from the awful service you get on Aeroflot.

Slim_Pickins May 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

So this is what is meant by civilian control of the military. I think The FF's had adult civilian control n mind.

SigDeFlyinMonky May 18, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Maybe they know that the missiles must be built now before the vital stockpile of Imipolex G is depleted.

Beowoof May 18, 2012 at 5:47 pm

I am okay with this as long as the Koch's and their rich pals get the bill.

sbj1964 May 18, 2012 at 5:49 pm

All the government has to do is claim your a Terrorist,and you disappear.Well that's nice?

DahBoner May 18, 2012 at 6:15 pm

But really, how does this bill allow a gum'mint beauracrat to stick his head up a lady's hoo-haw???

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE UNBORN ZYGOTES SMALLER THAN A QUARTER???

unclejeems May 18, 2012 at 6:36 pm

Um, this is what we get for looking the other way in 2010. I know, I know–WE didn't. But we did.

George Spelvin May 18, 2012 at 8:34 pm

Very sadly, very true. I'm 64, and I've voted in every election (including primaries and those oddball local ones that crop up) since I was 21. And during that whole time, the results of the fucking elections have never been due to my vote, but to how many people of what opinion can be bothered to go to to the polling place or mail in their fucking ballot.

There are times when I think the "Starship Troopers" approach might be worth trying. Not because of the military experience, but because if people had to qualify to vote by spending some time doing something they'd really rather not do, they might just take the voting thing more seriously.

Wile E. Quixote May 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

I for one am tired of the Republican party trying to shove their socialistic, Kenyan, Marxist, single-payer missile defense system down our throats. When will they stop crushing private-sector innovation with badly thought-out government initiatives and let the free-market provide a missile defense solution.

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:48 pm

"The House of Representatives thrust 299 irate middle fingers into the air in response to military leaders’ claim that the United States does not need yet another missile interceptor site"

"Oh, YEAH?? Well, you're gonna get another whatchamacallit whether you want one or not, because SHUT UP, THAT'S WHY!!"

tessiee May 18, 2012 at 6:54 pm

Really? A missile base on the East Coast? They must have misread the text and though it involved firing missiles AT the East Coast.

CivicHoliday May 18, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Using biodiesel to power our navy is too expensive, so we will pass a bill forbidding it. Building a pointless missile defense system that will cost 40 times as much is essential, so we will pass a bill demanding it. The logic, it burns…

JackObin May 18, 2012 at 7:51 pm

The biggest threat to this deranged nation is the fat, stupid "citizenry". Fire missiles at them and they'll be eaten, or turned into a reality tv show.

owhatever May 18, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Rave against the budget then vote to spend a hundred million dollars on something we don't need. Today's Republican.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 11:50 pm

Please, they voted for this because of the military-industrial complex. Really. This is all about money.

Negropolis May 19, 2012 at 12:27 am

Ah, yes. The Part of Daddy Knows Best.

gurukalehuru May 19, 2012 at 8:30 am

A hundred million???!!! Shit, that's almost enough to fix Wrigley Field. see http://www.gurukalehuru.com

redarmyzombie May 19, 2012 at 9:45 pm

Somewhere, somehow, there's a Freudian Motif hiding behind all this…

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