boooooooo

You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This

He's got thisGhost Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in hell. He told these idiots that the “birther” stuff was “not a winning issue,” and what did these fuckwads at his ghost web empire do? They ran a total birther story with a long embarrassed introduction explaining that they weren’t birthers per se — um, let’s see — it’s about how Obama has portrayed himself differently at different times of his life. Almost as if, when he was a college student, he did not portray himself as president of the United States, and vice versa. It is very fishy how he has done that indeed! But uh oh! Within hours of posting their best VETTENING yet, a PDF of a Bammerz’s publishing company brochure SAYING HE WAS BORN IN KENYA, it turned out that some lady who was an assistant at the literary agency at the time (’91) said it was all her fault, sloppy fact-checking oopsie! An editorial assistant doing sloppy fact-checking? THE FUCK YOU SAY. As a Breitbart follow-up notes, though, Bamz’s erstwhile literary agent requests that you email her a biography you wrote about yourself, as would also obviously have been the case in 1991 as well, when nobody had email. How’d you get to this supposed “assistant,” Nobama? Which of your SEIU thugz did you send over threatening MURDER? Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who was recently sued by the Feds for being too awesome, would like to know! WND (because who else?) has the scoop!

“We act on facts,” Arpaio told WND today. “We started the investigation back in August and utilized my Cold Case Posse to look into documents, the birth certificate and also the Selective Service forms. We seem to have much stonewalling going on.

“But I’m not going to back down. We are continuing to investigate what we feel are fraudulent government documents. We’re going to keep going, to prove once and for all whether they are genuine,” he said.

The unearthed publication “does put more smoke out there,” he said.

“We’ve gotten tons of information regarding this matter. This is just another little element,” he said.

WND then spends about 2,000 words rehashing the exciting tale of the mailman who swears he saw Young Bamz outside Bill Ayers’ mom’s house, and he remembers it because Bamz said, “My name is Barack Obama, remember it because I will be president of the United States some day, after I have denied having more than a passing acquaintance with the domestic terrorist son of the woman whose house we are standing outside,” and that is their best evidence, and it never gets old. [WND]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
What Others Are Reading

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

118 comments

  1. V572 Is this him?

    Joe the Plumber, Joe Arpaio, WND, the Ghost of Breitbart…can't the "serious" Republicans say something mockworthy today? How about that guy who snatched Lugar's senate seat, discoursing on how government should work? Or el Rushbo attacking some slut?

    1. sewollef

      Rushbo made some pronouncement on the sanctity of marriage the other day… does that count?

    1. fuflans

      the sheriff of arizona has jurisdiction over immigration policy and vital records from Hawaii when the president is a near and went to harvard.

      duh.

    1. LesBontemps

      I thought a "Cold Case Posse" was a couple of guys heading down to the beer distributor.

      1. MoeDeLawn

        B double-E double-R U N, BEER RUN!
        All you need is a ten and a fiver;
        a car; and a key;
        and a sober driver…

      2. JustPixelz

        It is. But when the boss sez "whathca doing?", they answer "um, lookin' for my ID" (patting pockets), and the boss sez "that's another fraudulent government document ha ha", then waves them on "OK as long as I can arrest a colored fella for somethin'".

  2. Jus_Wonderin

    You guys gotta help me out here. Why am I so fuckin' angry on this great Friday? I have half a mind to ditch this desk and high-tail it to the farm.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        Thanks Barb! The Friday Farm attraction is as intense as falling into Chris Christies gravitational pull.

        1. natoslug

          Give in. I spent an hour clearing brush this morning rather than working, and feel much more willing to sit on my ass in front of a computer and expand in the name of work now. Although 9 more acres of blackberry cane, stunted alders and ivy may be too much to ignore for long.

    1. fuflans

      well i can only speak for myself, but every report, story, interview, poll, data stream, and press conference that says bamz is in trouble and we are looking at a president mittbot in 2012 makes me go all john webster.

      but that could just be me.

    1. natoslug

      He'll be able to focus his full energies on this once he solves the case of the bad combover which has obviously been occupying most of his time, judging by that photo.

  3. Fare la Volpe

    "We seem to have much stonewalling going on. "

    DRUDGE SIREN: Joe Arapaio Comes Out, Admits Connection to Stonewall Riots

  4. Pithaughn

    Perfect example of an answer looking for a question. See, these silly folks don't find that strange because that is how religion works. "The answer is God, what is your question?"

      1. Pithaughn

        “Since we are living according to his plan, GOD. Dammit, what part of GOD don't you people get? ” And yet part of GODs plan is for them to tell me what is moral, even though all the immoral things I have done and will do is part of his plan. No dissonance there, am I right?

  5. jjdaddyo

    Is he modeling the new yellow Star of David that Messicans have wear when they leave the house in Arizona now?

  6. Allmighty_Manos

    Got to give Joe credit for his work ethic. He finds the time to investigate the president while still staying on top of brutalizing Latinos.

  7. boobookitteh

    I "Portray myself differently" all the time. At work, I'm actually responsible and (mostly) muzzle the snark; at bars I'm a bourbon soaked whore; at home I'm a cat lady.

    I guess if you're just a jackass all the time you don't get the subtleties of life.

      1. boobookitteh

        Unfortunately I'm at work right now so I'm being all mature and responsible. Come back at 5.

          1. boobookitteh

            For real, next time I make a Match.com profile I'm going to use the screen name Bourbon Soaked Whore. Finally learned the secret to internet dating.

  8. Serolf_Divad

    Because a brief bio sketch on some random brochure beats a certified Birth Certificate 10 times out of 10 in a court of law.

  9. charliearglist

    "My Cold Case Posse" is just Arpaio's desperate attempt to recreate the success of "My Little Pony."

  10. Oblios_Cap

    Sheriff Joe needs to start sporting a mansiere. He'll never find a hot Latin lover like the other GOP sheriffs have with tits that look like that.

  11. johnnyzhivago

    My great uncle's friend's barber's mailman's plumber told my sister in law that he saw Obama with Fidel Castro – in New York City – and Obama told him that at some time after 9/11/01 (very specific about this date!) an unwed mother named Bristol Palin would lose on a show that would be called "Dancing With the Stars".

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I am holding my breath on that anyway though. I would want the man in a bullet proof bubble if'n I were MichelleO.

      An incoherent rant for today – I did a "The Graduate" "LouisCK Hilarious" double-header last night just to sort of round out my day thematically. "PLASTICS" (kills me) I think Ben probably grew up to be a lot like Louis CK. Aaand I sang the S&G stuff really really loudly (and maybe poorly, I thought I sounded great) and ate on the floor around all my now painted cabinet doors and drawers. Since no one was here but me at the time I wasn't doing it in anyone's face – but it was still super fun even if I was being weird and defiant alone and on purpose. Highly recommend.

      1. prommie

        I spent 90 minutes trying to sign in to wonkette, my problem being that my work computer does it automatically and as a result I long ago forgot my password, but I do know my wordpress password, so I was able to sign in through wordpress, but every fucking time I tried to post anything, it would give me a message that said "your login has timed out, please log in again," but when I tried to log in again it would tell me I was already logged in, and all this just to prove to you I am not in prison. I love Louis CK and mel brooks's wife, too.

        1. Doktor StrangeZoom

          "So these guys, they used 'hilarious' and I remember the context exactly, because I had the hate recorder running in the back"

          1. FakaktaSouth

            The only appropriate response to "I saw Lisa" is "that happened." I hate Lisa, I hope she falls off a cliff, and she's freaking out and fighting it the whole way down, superman swoops in, saves her and then drops her from an even higher point, screaming to her death. (It was something like that, I was crying the whole time…)

          2. prommie

            I can recite "That ******'s Crazy" in its entirety, because I was 15 the first time I heard it. But Hilarious, I first heard that when I was 50 (this year), so I cannot remember a single fucking word, only that I was laughing out loud and snorting and my ribs hurt.

          3. imissopus

            I just saw that for the first time a few days ago and afterwards I couldn't stop repeating the bit about people complaining about flight delays to myself every five minutes. "'My plan sat on the tarmac for forty minutes.' 'Oh, and then what happened? DID YOU PARTICIPATE IN THE MIRACLE OF HUMAN FLIGHT????'"

      2. prommie

        Was you borned yet when Richard Pryor would do his bit where he'd say "I am going to do an impression of the first black president," and then he'd just start ducking and bobbing and weaving, dodging bullets, while saying "My fellow Americans."?

        1. FakaktaSouth

          That is one of my favorite songs for my whole life. I am particularly good at that one in the car. Also, Anne Bancroft was only 36 FREAKIN YEARS OLD when she did that movie. (So hot) I REALLY wish you could get your shit together better on your home computer or at least let me put in a word with the warden AND yes, Richard Pryor was a staple in my childhood (this is what is wrong with me now probably) Oh my Lord I am sitting in a eye dr office. You ever wanna feel good about yourself, come to an opthamologist's office in Alabama. How young and spry we are!

          1. prommie

            I think I have the computer scared now, I was making good progress, but then it got to be 1:30 am and I had to stagger off to bed.

  12. prommie

    Joe the Arpaio should call The Donald's investigators, I heard they were all over this.

    1. DaRooster

      Are they still in Hawaii on his dime?

      "Oh, Mr. Trump… (background 'more ice please') wait till you see what we are finding now." (glass clicks)

    2. Tundra Grifter

      I was thinking the same thing. Remember those shocking revelations that Donald Chump couldn't even believe?

      It's a wonder they can set down their boat drinks long enough to phone in the updates.

      Which mostly consist of "We're about to nail his ass. We just need another couple of weeks and another ten grand."

    3. Judith_Priest

      And didn't Breitbart have something that was "really going to blow the lid off the Obama scandal"?

      1. stncmchnc

        Probably another video of the Kenyan usurper speaking without a teleprompter, and hugging blah guys.

  13. johnnyzhivago

    I could swear I saw something on YouTube about Obama being in the Fuhrerbunker with Hitler, right until the end. How come this never comes up in the press??

  14. SorosBot

    How is" investigating" long-debunked conspiracy theories about the President part of a county sheriff's job anyway?

    1. didgen

      No one cares about the one or two (thousand) unsolved (kinda, sorta,maybe) homicides in his county. Birth certificates forever!

    1. FritzBrogan

      I want nothing more in life than to be able to say "…utilized my Cold Case Posse…" with a straight face.

  15. DaRooster

    "Obama has portrayed himself differently at different times of his life."
    Well, I never!
    What a dick that Barry guy is… being all "changey" as things become different in his life.

  16. johnnyzhivago

    I'm trying to think of how something like my driver's license renewal could generate tens of thousands of pages of eyewitness reports, depositions and forensic reports.

  17. DaRooster

    He doesn't look healthy… like he may drop at any minute.

    What a sad, sad day that'll be.

    1. Judith_Priest

      Oh, stop! I *just* finally unlaced the dancing shoes I was wearing in Breitbart's honor!

  18. Beowoof

    Doesn't Joe have some local messicans to torment. I know he is waiting till they get done cleaning his pool.

    1. sewollef

      I had a yummy local messican last night on the way home from toiling in da city.

      Shrimp Fajita with Horchata to wash it down…. era asombroso !

  19. Doktor StrangeZoom

    These guys are like Holocaust deniers or creationists–armed with an airtight certainty of what the conclusions must be, they examine all the evidence and reject anything that might not fit their "theory."

    Unfortunately, this necessarily leads them to ignore vast swaths of what most people call reality.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Rejecting what doesn't fit the theory leaves nothing … hence the "stonewalling".

  20. HippieEsq

    I'm giggling …. I think the editors made this one up just to feed some softballs to the commenting hordes. If the WND did run the story (I'm not looking) then I can only presume it's a precursor to the documentary Sheriff Joe will be producing, the proceeds of which will fund his effort to stay out of federal detention.

  21. DaRooster

    “My name is Barack Obama, remember it because I will be president of the United States some day…"

    That is so cool. Like the time I told the cashier in the Stuff & Grunt in Enid Oklahoma when I was 11,"My name is DaRooster, remember it because I will be a whiskey drinkin' drummer/vocalist in a cover band on the Northern California Coast someday."

    And she remembered…

    1. sewollef

      Amazing. Can I have your ortograf Mr Rooster, I think I saw you play at last year's Austin City Limits?

  22. JustPixelz

    "…fraudulent government documents…"

    Sounds like having papers isn't enough in the "papers please" state.

    In the photo, Arpaio looks like he's wearing a yellow Star of David. If he weighed about 1000 pounds less, he'd look like a victim of policies like his own. Which would be ironic.

    The way Arpaio sees the absence of evidence as proof of the Obama birth coverup … well, the law-abiding citizens of Fuckall County should be worried because there is also no proof they are guilty of every crime in the history of the world.

  23. ph7

    Remember when that crazy redneck that you kept bumping into in town finally died? You thought to yourself "Phew! No more of dealing with that timesucker!", just to realize he had five kids to carry on the tradition?

    That's like Briebart's death. He's gone, hurray!, but the spawn have emerged…

  24. Terry

    "We seem to have much stonewalling going on."

    Translation: We couldn't find information that fitted our preconceived viewpoint.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Joe's determination and perseverance, despite being stonewalled by reality, are truly inspiring.

  25. subsum

    Nobody gets too much Breitbart no more
    It's much harder to come by
    I'm waiting in line.

  26. randcoolcatdaddy

    The Cold Case Posse should get to work on finding out what chemical preservative used in Jan Brewer's leathery face. A posse of DC leather doms need a way to make their leather slings last longer – the freshman Teabaggers in Congress have been keeping them way too busy the past couple of years.

  27. mavenmaven

    I like that his group is called "cold case posse", so Freudian. Perhaps if these guys got a little of the warm kind (or whatever it is they might be into), they might relax a little.

  28. TheGyrus

    We are continuing to investigate what we feel are fraudulent government documents.

    "Evidence" and "Probably Cause" are for dirty elitist libruls. Real men feel justice, they feel it from their gut. Or maybe that's just gas.

    1. Tundra Grifter

      "The only thing more dangerous than an idea is a belief. And by dangerous I don't mean thought-provoking. I mean: might get people killed."

      ~ Sarah Vowell, "The Wordy Shipmates"

  29. Steverino247

    Scoop? Yeah, call for the scoops. Friday isn't Soylent Green day. Haul this trash outta here.

  30. sewollef

    “We act on facts,” Arpaio told WND today.

    Wait. Who's "WE" white man?

    "Cold Case Posse"… Seriously, WTF?

  31. Tundra Grifter

    I would say it's the Stone Cold Case Posse. Dead. Gone. Finished. Kaput. Over. Deceased. Gone the way of Fat Sam.

    Ya might think Sheriff Joe right through here is flogging the supine equine.

    But I want to leave his sordid sex habits out of this.

  32. Callyson

    utilized my Cold Case Posse

    Cold Case Posse? Wasn't that a rap group, circa 2003?

    We seem to have much stonewalling going on

    No, actually, what's going on is the people are so busy laughing at you idiots for this "investigation" that it's taking them longer than usual to tell you you are full of shit, and you need to stop wasting taxpayer money, also, too.

  33. ttommyunger

    My name is Joe R. Piehole, and I'm going to be an enormous douche someday who will be remembered as the embarrassing shit-stain on the baggy boxers of American Law Enforcement and public service in general.

  34. chascates

    A valid point: http://www.theatlanticwire.com/politics/2012/05/t

    It also says he was raised in "Indonesia, Hawaii, and Chicago" — wait a second! Obama didn't move to Chicago till after college! Why is he trying to deceive people into falsely believing he was raised in Chicago?! Were there more scholarships available to Chicago natives? Perhaps the Chicago machine helped him get his spot at Harvard Law — taking the spot of a more deserving white person. This raises more questions than it answers, my friends.

  35. sbj1964

    BartBots are so lame just a bunch of 40 plus year old white jerk offs who sit around being little bitches.Complaining about a black man being in charge; that's when they are not prowling the Net for Gay porn.Living in they're parents basement never knowing a women.They are just sad.Prepare for another 4 years of Obama losers!

  36. George Spelvin

    Fucking Joe the Sheriff. Aside from the fact that he and his Frozen Pussy are flogging an extremely dead horse, the asshole is giving interviews to World Nut Daily.

    What serious law enforcement officer gives an interview to WND?

    How can people keep electing this twat?

  37. fitley

    Man oh man, look at those bags under Joe's eyes. He must not be getting any sleep because he's been reading over those piles and piles of evidence. He probably has piles from sitting there reading for so long.

  38. Tricky_Dick

    Joe and his cold case posse meet a Burger King to review the mountain of evidence that Obama is an evil (yet stunningly hot) Kenyan socialist born in Donesia. They will continue meeting there and eating fee whopers until they resolve the case or Chris Christie joins them and eats every damn thing in sight.

  39. KarmicDisaster

    When ol' Crazy Uncle Joe finally shuffles off this mortal coil, I do hope the Westboro Baptist Church sees fit to grace the funeral proceedings with their presence…

Comments are closed.