death and taxes

Joe The Plumber Explains To Stupid Hippie Why Paying Taxes Is Cool (VIDEO)

Goin' to work, feedin' his familyHey stupid Occupy hippie! Why don’t you love paying taxes, like “Joe” “the Plumber” does? Taxes are cool, they pay for parks and police! Also, it is your patriotic duty to pay your fair share and not, say, divert all your “bread” (that is “money” in hippie language) to your accounts in the Caymans! Or maybe it is only unemployed people that Mr. The Plumber thinks should pay awesome taxes, not job creators like Joe himself, who is busy creating jobs (his) by running for Congress, we guess. For a while there in Mr. The Plumber’s “Fun $5 Friday” video (which you can watch below!), we were worried he was going off conservative script by going on and on and on about how he LOVES TAXES THEY ARE THE COOLEST, but then we realized nah, he doesn’t REALLY love taxes, he just hates all those people who are too poor to pay them even more! Stupid freeloaders, with your signs and your demonstrating and your #Occupy movement. Don’t got a job, huh? Can’t “go to work,” and “feed your family”? Why don’t you just run for Congress and pay yourself $5,000 a month like Joe? Idiots.

Hey, you’re a Mac, and he’s a PC!

Now pay Joe your $5 Friday Fun tax. [JoeForCongress]

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    1. An_Outhouse

      It would improve the ad immensely if the hippy was made of straw and 'Joe' lit it on fire.

      1. tessiee

        And then the ugly, hairy-legged, caricature of a feminist could come running into the room with a bucket of water, and throw it over Joe, and he'd melt and die!

    2. DahBoner

      I think that's supposed to be a Neru smoking jacket, but the closest thing that guy could find was his favorite Cosby sweater….

    3. Isyaignert

      WTF is on the "liberal's" shirt? It looks like a cross between Obama and Blagovich.

  1. ph7

    If America has moved beyond electing competence, I guess electing crazy is the second best choice.

    1. mrpuma2u

      I am amazed they keep trotting out this schmuck. I refer to him as Joe the Plunger, but maybe I should stop, as a plunger is actually a useful tool, as opposed to Joe who is just a tool.

  2. mavenmaven

    Boy, does that "occupy" guy really look authentic! I believe he's a 20 year old indie music fan! And that jacket was everywhere at the occupy camps! As much as I believe in the suave new leather joe the plumber.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I figure it's that philosophy of not wanting to go to the club with someone prettier than you are….using someone more handsome would have distracted from Joe's awesomeness.

      1. tessiee

        Give Joe the Shill credit for all the effort it must have taken to find someone even less physically attractive than he himself is.

  3. freakishlywrong

    Only in pretend reality and fact free Conservative land is their mascot an utterly fictional and meaningless character. Joe is not Joe, nor is he a plumber, nor will he be a congresscritter.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      These people are too stupid for words. Le us recall: Joe the Plumber came to national prominence when he questioned Barack Obama's plan to raise taxes on individuals making over $250,000.00 a year. "Joe" claimed that he was about to buy a business with $250.000 in income and Obama's tax plan would harm him directly.

      Not only was this claim a lie (a lie upon which his fame and notoriety rests) but it is based on the idiotically mistaken premise that if you raise tax rates on individuals making $250,000 per year the tax increase applies to all of their income and not just income above $250,000 (of which "Joe" indicated there would be none).

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Lies in the story:

        Joe – not his name
        Plumber – not his occupation
        buy a business – not with his credit rating
        250k in income – receipts are not the same as pass through income for an S corp or LLC, which presumably this would have to be for Joe to buy it (rather than a sole proprietorship, which technically can't be bought because you can only buy its assets) and have income attributable to his personal taxes
        increase in taxes too burdensome – as you note, marginal increases of 3 percent on actual net excess of 250k is pretty much mathematically impossible to harm an individual with any sort of tax savvy.

        Truth – McCain was a douche for making an issue of it, but it worked to freak out enough mouth breathers that we still don't have any sort of increase in the marginal tax rates of fucking million dollar incomes. Thanks "Country First" for another shitty idea that keeps on giving.

    2. tessiee

      [special edition of Coffee Talk]
      "Joe is not Joe, nor is he a plumber"
      *shooing hand motions*
      Discuss among yourselves.

    3. tessiee

      Don't these people also have a spokestwat for abstinence who had a bastard baby when she was still in her teens?

  4. BarackMyWorld

    I didn't realize that Occupy Wall Street was composed of middle aged men wearing Rod Blagojevich t-shirts…WAIT WHAT???

  5. Major Thom

    Joe the Plumber just figured out that shit runs downhill. He can't wait to tell everyone.

    1. prommie

      He's working on "hot is on the left, cold is on the right." He may never understand "don't chew your fingernails."

    1. Serolf_Divad

      No, I'm pretty sure that's the other guy in Tenacious D (the not Jack Black guy).

  6. Texan_Bulldog

    Lemme get this straight: Joe the Plumber (who got boinked for NOT paying his taxes) is advocating paying taxes even though Tea Party nut jobs don't think they should have to pay any Soshulist taxes. Head explosion!!

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Also, unlike those stoopid hippies the Tea-Party is pro-establishment, but we knew that already.

    2. Serolf_Divad

      No, no. Only the poors should pay taxes. The idle rich "job creators" get tax cuts.

    3. anniegetyerfun

      Thank you. I was trying to come to grips with this, as I was pretty sure that part of what gained him notoriety in the beginning was the fact that he didn't pay his taxes. Fortunately, this should make it fairly easy for his opponent to answer.

    4. gingerland62

      Sort of like that tea party sign. "Government take your hands off my medicare" What?

  7. freakishlywrong

    Wurzelbacher is living off the donations to his "campaign" and lecturing every one else about being fiscally responsible. Ok. Fuck me.

    1. Serolf_Divad

      Wasn't that basically what Christine O'Donnell did? I think I'm starting to see a pattern develop here.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        I see the pattern too. One can run for office or start a church. Both options seem to pay a great salary.

        1. Serolf_Divad

          In certain parts of the country (namely: the Red States) those are basically your only options if your goal in life is getting rich.

  8. EatsBabyDingos

    "Joe" needs to get a job bagging groceries. Then we can call him "Douche the Bagger."

  9. Mumbletypeg

    All around me are familiar twatwaffles
    Shyster shuffles, contrived kerfluffles
    Bright and early for their daily grifting,
    Sloe-eyed shifty, feigning thrifty.
    Croc' tears are filling up their tax forms
    Reversed platforms, …Foghorn Leghorn's…
    Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
    Joe's tomorrow = no tomorrow for me.

    I find it kind of funny. I feel it's kind of sad!

    1. gingerland62

      It's depressing, that's why I come here to read the hilarious posts. there are so many lunatics in the USA, but not in the good way.
      Wolf House is right down the road from me.

  10. Beowoof

    The thought that the hippie is the one who should be high strikes me as I look at this. Because if Joe thinks the republicans are on the side of the "folks" he is clearly high.

  11. didgen

    Deep in his soul, Joe knows he could have done a better job as Thor in the Avengers.

  12. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I will be contemplating the mystery that is that hippie's jacket for the rest of the day.

  13. FakaktaSouth

    Am I alone in not quite "getting" whatever these assholes are saying? It's like this plumber wannabe here, or the dumbass "needs a throatpunch" O'Keefe guy are trying so hard to explain why facts, history, civil rights and any successful precedents aren't real and how taxes have only existed since the black pseudo-President thought them up and how OBVIOUSLY stupid I am for not getting that – and now I have a headache.

    1. prommie

      Don't worry, you don't get it because there is no "it" to get. There is no there there. You cannot understand stupid because stupid, in the end, consists of not understanding. The GOP message lately has a large component of it that consists of "I'm a fucking dumbass, just like you, elect me, fuck them smart people."

    2. Vecchiojohn

      In the next video, they're going to argue about whether you can steal third base when you're playing football.

      1. prommie

        The blacks stole all the bases and thats why the white man can't hit any home runs anymore.

    3. BerkeleyBear

      Poors (especially disabled and seniors) being exempt from income tax because they don't make enough money = not paying their fair share

      Rich fucks and corporations already rolling in money getting special tax credits and subsidies allowing them to lower or eliminate their tax burden = real American heroes

      What's so hard to reconcile about that?

    4. tessiee

      Ugh, don't bother.
      If I gave a shit about what these people actually "think" — instead of, you know, just making them go somewhere far away — I would have given up completely after some guy who lives in Sweden posted in some thread that Socialism isn't what they think it is, it actually works out pretty well for everybody, etc.; and was met with a barrage of comments about how he (the guy who actually lives in a Socialist country) doesn't understand how it works, the other people who actually live there aren't *really* happy, etc. etc.

  14. noodlesalad

    Non-unionized unaccredited plumbers with shit-eating smirks, the standard-bearers of honesty and truthful accounting practices.

  15. BarackMyWorld

    Great, now I have the "Bob the Builder" theme stuck in my head for some reason.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      You bastard! Just mentioning it has that earworm in my skull, digging out a home! My kids are past that shit!!!!!!!!

      1. tessiee

        *kicks in ankle under table*
        You'll summon them by saying their names, like Beetlejuice!

    1. Generation[redacted]

      It's really more good advice, rather than hard and fast rule. See Bristol, comma, humiliating blog posts.

  16. DaRooster

    Hey, for $5 I'll tap this douche with a wiffle ball bat… and I would gladly pay the taxes on it… Hippies.

  17. fuflans

    once again, it's important to point out that john mccain's karma will never overcome what he bequeathed us in 2008.

  18. elburritodeluxe

    Cowardly Joe is afraid that the young hippie chicks and Trustafarians who really do look like the body of the #Occupy movement would come off as too sexy or compelling next to him.

  19. Serolf_Divad

    You've got to hand it to the GOP. They've actually managed to convince their army of drones that we should raise taxes on the middle class and lower them on the rich. Though, I do strongly suspect that GOP voters have no idea that the only way to tax the "lucky duckies" who are too poor to pay taxes is to limit deductions for everyone.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Well, we could repeal that nasty EITC and child tax credits – after all, thousands of working poor people are actually staying off food stamps by getting some of their money back.

  20. Designer_Rants

    Remember when Joe Wurzeldumber grabbed Obama and harassed him about his upcoming purchase of a business that was grossing 250, naw, 270, 280 naw, quarter batrillion quapillion bucks a day? And "Yer gonna TAX ME MORE, ARNTCHA?"

    Joe, what's 25% of the 2 Shits you own? And you're still whining about it. If people elect this puke, they have it coming.

  21. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Sometimes I pity the people who have such an underdeveloped sense of humor as to find something like this to be funny or wity. They must miss so much joy and humor in life.

    1. Baconzgood

      This is like George Carlins "your shit is stuff, and other people's stuff is shit" bit to the right wing.

      1. MoeDeLawn

        …or Mel Brooks' "Tragedy is when I get a paper cut; comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."

  22. freakishlywrong

    Anyone else here just cold fucking sick and tired of these wingwelfare assholes always depicting libruls as being on the gubbmint dole and not working? It's so offensive. I've been working since I was 16 years old. Probably as long as I've hated hypocrites.

    1. Pithaughn

      I've got you beat, started picking strawberrys when I was 12 . I had to lie about my age! but that sweet sweet 50cents per flat was to strong a lure, I was greedy for the $3.00 and was led astray. I did get the Apollo rocket model I wanted though!

      1. Mumbletypeg

        My first job, age 16 like Freakish, was in "pharmaceuticals." i.e. driving the delivery vehicle for the local-owned drugstore** — but if I'd played my cards right, who knows I could've become a rung-climber with all the other pharma-sales playas I know who are raking it in! Rather, each new job-transition went *downhill* from my 'big Pharma' beginnings.

        ** It wasn't bad for a first job (besides babysitting). Had been the same drug store my mom's family grew up with; had employed my mom at their soda fountain when she'd been my age… but off-deliverytimes, I got so bored at the register, & my boss wouldn't let me sit down, so I amused myself by reading through all the Hallmark cards

        1. Oblios_Cap

          I started throwing papers in Junior High. The Washington Post ain't light! But I did get to follow the Nixon drama every morning bfore anyone else. And I remember waking up to read about India invading Bangladesh.

        2. HistoriBarb

          But did you ever notice that the prescription the pharmacist gave you to deliver was wrong, thus saving the customer's life and preventing the pharmacist from spiraling down into alcoholism? And you now run the Building and Loan despite wanting to get out of that small town?

    2. prommie

      I paid more in taxes last year than Joe ever made in a year in his fucking ignorant asshole fucking truculent loser life. I fucking guarantee it.

    3. Jus_Wonderin

      You know. I have found another truism. While bankrupsty is a legit out for some, most of the hardcore conservatives I know….rail on about the welfare n-words, yet see no problem in writing off debt that they carelessly ran up by NOT being responsible.

      Fuck them.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        And you can blame those fucks (middle class and up) who abused the system for the "reforms" that make consumer credit (ie the no. 1 debt trap of the poor) much harder to discharge in bankruptcy.

        My wife and I both knew people growing up (who as far as we can tell aren't related to each other) who declared bankruptcy repeatedly yet somehow could always afford vacations and anything else they needed. Of course, businesses do it all the time – and so it cycles back to Mitt Romney. Fuck!

    4. Generation[redacted]

      You're only sick and tired because you're be one of those lazy liberals who lives off the government dole and doesn't know the meaning of hard work, like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett the Socialist.

      Joe the Plumber, on the other hand, who isn't a plumber, lives off SuperPAC donations and doesn't want to pay taxes… wait what point are they trying to make?

    5. chicken_thief

      And how quickly they forget if they ever received unemployment or any other benefit in their life. Or, in Joe's case, was in arrears on his taxes.

    6. fartknocker

      The Republican message is old and tired. Joe is a protoplasm in TeaTardistan and wants to suck hard on the government titty so he can have the good life like Boehner and my favorite anal probe, John Cornyn.

      Joe the plumber is another pandering shitstain who wishes he was smart enough to write a couple of books like the Princess of Wasilla and have his own PAC. Fuck him, I gotta go to work, so I can pay for a new road.

    7. BerkeleyBear

      I had done all sorts of crap for my parents (from purging X-ray files to stripping paint) before I got my first "real" job, in a sporting goods store at 15. Man did that job suck! But at the time, anything that got me closer to financial independence (defined as cash for stuff I wanted) was awesome.

  23. Oblios_Cap

    He wants $5 to view that? I could watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show twice using On Demand for that amount.

    1. Chichikovovich

      I can watch the clothes tumble in my dryer for free, and it would be more enjoyable

  24. Fare la Volpe

    Seeing as he picked only the most topical of ad campaigns to rip off, Joe has decided his next video series will feature "Dude, you're getting a douche" and "Where's the Pork?"

  25. Baconzgood

    WOW, I'm a liberal and that dude's like looking in a mirror. Joe totally nailed me and all my liberal friends that I golf with.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      I'm guessing Marcie Kaptur isn't quaking in her shoes. Probably no significant public polling, although I'm sure someone has done a private poll that will get leaked to the press when appropriate.

  26. An_Outhouse

    According to his website:

    "No events yet. You should host your own! "

    Joe runs his campaign the way he handled his plumbing career.

  27. Jimmyone

    Ol' Joe hasn't a clue what a "hippie" is…..If he ever met some of the "hippies" that hung out at our commune back in the early 70's, he wouldn't be able to say that twice. At least not with a full set of teeth. We were an unruly lot back then. Good food, good sex, and good vibrations…Ohhh….to be young again.

  28. rickmaci

    Joe needs to have his personal plumbing snaked out so that maybe some of the stupid can drain away.

  29. AddHomonym

    In Joe's America, overweight, clueless white dudes can discuss things amicably, is what I'm getting from this. That's nice.

  30. tessiee

    "Why don’t you just run for Congress and pay yourself $5,000 a month like Joe?"

    Well, I *don't* like the "run for Congress" part, but I *do* like the "pay myself $5000 a month" part…

  31. tessiee

    Why does the fat, bald, white trash guy who isn't Joe the Unemployed have a picture of Rod Blagojevitch on his t-shirt?

  32. ttommyunger

    I think I need a plumber, I have this enormous turd that keeps clogging up my internetz; as soon as I think I've flushed it down, it pops its ugly bald head to the surface again.

  33. valthemus

    Well I'm convinced! I'm going to commit several acts of voter fraud to make sure my man Joe gets to Congress! Burn the hippies!!

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