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in hellWe at Your Wonkette found it kind of tacky and ridiculous when we read everywhere that some tone-deaf deciderer on Obama’s communications staff had decidered to update each former president’s biography with references to Bamz himself. A little hubristic, fellows, no? But that was before we saw that this included even St. Ronald Reagan! And oh, everyone is just spitting mad! What is in Reagan’s White House bio now? Simply that he joins Obama from beyond the grave in calling for the Buffett Rule. FUCK YEAH GHOST RONALD REAGAN! All is forgiven, Obama communications staff. Have fun trolling all the Breitards!

Take it away, White House:

Did you know?

President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families participating in service projects on this day.

In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule.

And did you know, Dick Cheney voted against Martin Luther King Jr. Day when he was in Congress, because he is a dick? Hugging and learning!

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  • Barb

    Oh God, my horrible and racist father used to say of the Martin Luther King Holiday, "We should kill 4 more and take a whole week off" *cringe*

  • SayItWithWookies

    I thought the Buffett rule was that you don't go back for thirds until everyone else has had a chance at seconds.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      I thought the Buffett rule was that you don't get between Chris Christie and the buffet table.

      • chilequiles

        Impossible. That dude's belly-up to the table. He can't help it.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        Don't sneeze on the salad

        Or, if you're a Republican: sneeze on Obama's salad.

    • No, the Buffett Rule is you stay in your seat with your seatbelt fastened once the pilot turns on the seat belt sign because of turbulence.

    • littlebigdaddy

      No, wrong. It's never blame a woman when it's your own damn fault!

      • Hell, it *could* be my fault…

    • Crank_Tango

      No–it's you always take a clean plate. I like to start off strong with two plates in my first sitting, then go back for "seconds."

    • OneYieldRegular

      It's pretty much the same thing, except for the portion sizes.

    • Negropolis

      I thought the Buffett Rule was that there is no such thing as too many margaritas?

  • Wonderthing

    This is sure some stone cold skull fuckin'. Yee ha! Four More Spears! Oops. I mean Years! I am not a racist. But I used to own some. Literature. They wrote. It was research.

  • LettucePrey

    Obama should just chisel himself into Mount Rushmore, along with George Clooney and the cast of Glee.

    • And a huge boner.

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I'd pay increased entrance fees to visit this National Treasure.

    • flamingpdog

      They've already carved both Bushes and Ron Raygun into the back side of Mount Rushmore.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Only after he has the Army Corps of Engineers blow the side off of Stone Mountain and has the bas relief of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis replaced with one of Ulysses S. Grant, William Tecumseh Sherman, Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass boning a clearly ecstatic white woman with the caption "The Holy Liberators of the South".

      • George Spelvin

        I walked up there once. Interesting geology and quite a view.

        Also, for some reason, the bas relief made me think of rocket launchers.

  • didgen

    Republicans feel it is so. Unfair to mention these little lapses of unpleasantness from everyones favorite grandpa.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Way to kick 'em in the truck nutz, Barry!

  • Wow. I mean, even Bush had the decency to leave the Prez bios alone.

    • nounverb911

      Isn't he rewriting his now?

      • Yes, but he has to keep sharpening his crayon.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          At least it is the flat sided ones that won't roll away from him. Sadly, he only has 6 colors and then white and…black.

    • Arken

      But not the decency to not start a war on a lie or not torture people. Think I know which I prefer.

    • How do you know?

    • flamingpdog

      He tried, but when he tried to get into the files, he got a prompt to "hit any key", and he couldn't ever find the "any" key.

      • TootsStansbury

        Was a work order then placed under the ID10T code?

        • anniegetyerfun

          I love using that term, and so few people know it.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Wow. I mean, even Bush had the decency to leave the Prez bios alone."

      That's because he didn't know where they were (or what they were, for that matter).

    • Negropolis

      He would have had he known how to read, god bless him.

  • SorosBot

    Next will he remind us that Reagan pulled troops out of the Middle East?

    • nounverb911

      You mean "cut and run," right?

      • It was 1984, so NEWSPEAK: Strategic Withdrawal of Forces

  • ThankYouJeebus

    Ronald Reagan was against colorizing black and white pictures.

    • nounverb911

      Blah and white?

    • Nostrildamus

      Ronald Reagan was against colorizing black and white pictures.


    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      also, he was so mad at AIDS he couldn't even speak the word.

      • He chose to pretend there was no such thing as The Ghey. Even though he spent most of his life in Hollywood. Talk about delusional.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I'd be a little leery of appropriating Reagan's ideas on just about anything — since that moron signed every damn thing that was put in front of him, one or two sensible things probably snuck past the gatekeepers and ended up with his signature on it, but that wasn't generally the work of the moron who saved Granada from Soviet hegemony and sent Oliver North to Iran with a Bible and a key-shaped cake hoping to sell them missiles.

    • "The point is to fuck with wingnuts heads, by any means necessary, as Dad used to say." (Bamz turns and winks at the Fruit Of Islam)

    • Negropolis

      I've always cringed when he compared himself favorably to Reagan. It was pretty clear during the primaries that he was doing it to piss off Clinton, but it was also clear that he actually kind of believed what he said.

      Reagan was a transformational president. He transformed us right into the fucking ground with results still being felt, today. It is scary to think would we would have become had his party had total control of the branches of government.

  • The all-you-can-eat crowd? People on cruise ships?

    EDIT: Aw shit…

    • nounverb911

      Sorry about that, the topic seemed to be covered already.

      • Sok….

        I'll be sitting over in the corner, sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth.

  • EdFlintstone

    Bamz should of at least had the decency to mention when St. Ronnie walked on water and parted the Red Sea.

    • nounverb911

      I thought that was Charlton Heston?

      • flamingpdog

        So there was a Second Amendment solution to the Exodus?

        • not that Radio

          "Let my people shoot guns"

  • littlebigdaddy

    Is this like editing Wikipedia to show that J.Q. Adams was a founding father?

    • mrpuma2u

      He was, and had a chamber orchestra piece celebrating his founder-ness composed by P.D.Q Bach.

      • flamingpdog

        … the last of twenty-odd children, and certainly the oddest.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      Typo there, John Quincy was supposed to be listed as founding foundling.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "Is this like editing Wikipedia to show that J.Q. Adams was a founding father?"

      Yes, just like editing the Paul Revere Wikipedia entry to show that he was a'clangin' that cookware to, uh, scare the British away from …bells?

  • ElPinche

    Needs moar ALL CAPS.

  • Pragmatist2

    I's like to think that someone at the White House is doing this just so they can make Republican heads explode.

  • Callyson

    Now the wingnuts know how our side felt when Saint Ronnie compared himself to FDR.

    • 1stNewtontheMoon

      No they don't. One is a fair comparison made by a sober-minded guy about some dead asshole who happened to get one thing sorta right. The other is some half-wit coat-tailing jerkoff who wishes he was more like the guy whose legacy of not shitting on poors he's dedicated to destroying (whether he knows it or not).

      The only way Ronnie was like FDR is that FDR was physically disabled and Ronnie was mentally disabled. Also, they were roughly the same age.

      • Callyson

        Well, I'm not thinking so much about the accuracy of the comparison as I'm thinking about how pissed they must be to have “Nobama,” as they call him, draw a comparison to their patron saint……but as long as they are pissed off, some good is coming out of this…

  • edgydrifter

    Shiiiit, most of the time Reagan didn't know what he was for and what he was against. Kind of like Romney, really, but at least he could blame Alzheimer's.

    • Now you just know that, when it gets really desperate, Romney's going to claim he has Alzheimer's….JUST. LIKE. REAGAN!

      • Generation[redacted]

        WHERE'S THE BEEF? Heh heh heh… that lady was funnies

        • TootsStansbury

          "Don't Worry Be Happy"

          Grrrrrrrr. I was laid off and job hunting during that shit.

  • gullywompr

    Wait until they hear about the renaming to Obama National Airport…

    • nounverb911

      There already is one, only it's in Japan.

    • TootsStansbury

      Two enthusiastic faps up!!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I love to watch Republican pundits choke on their bow ties.

    • Tucker and Georgie were doing erotic choking on each other?!

      • HistoriBarb

        Worst porn ever!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Cue Sarah Palin …

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Hey, what your spelling MHIII. Shouldn't that be "club"

      • Mittens Howell, III

        'Club Sarah Palin' sounds like the world's skankiest beach resort.

      • dadanarchist

        'Cue' here means 'beat with a sack full of cue balls.' I think.

        This probably violates Wonkerules.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    All they have to do to fix this, is to get their non-Christian elected to the White House.

    also, HAHAHAHAHA Christians in a Christian nation having to vote for a non-Christian just to erase the pockmarks of a black man.

  • Arken

    Ron Paul also was against Martin Luther King Jr. day. See, he's a libertarian which means he sees people as individuals, not groups, and the individuals with dark skin are the bad ones.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Also, people of a particular race demanding equality is, ummm, racist.

      • You're the racist for pointing that out!

        Gosh darn it, I've gone and confused myself again.

    • TootsStansbury

      Ugh. I'm from Virginy and we used to have "LeeJacksonKing Day". I shit you not.

  • Fox n Fiends

    Next thing you know, Obama will be saying that Reagan was the head of a Union and spent decades getting taxpayer-funded health care for his family.

    • littlebigdaddy

      A union thug!

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb


        * (C) ALEC

    • Jadetiger79

      He was also pro choice. Boooooyah.

  • mavenmaven

    Buy stock in Depends as all the teabaggers who see this will piss themselves silly.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    "Ray-gann" is a Worship Word! You will not use it!

    E Plebnista!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I get this. Am I a sad nerd?

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Resistance is futile.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I thought it was spelled "Ray-Gun." Obama must have gone in and changed the spelling

  • Meanwhile, back in real life, the Bush-Cheney tax cuts are now the Bush-Cheney-Obama tax cuts.

    • Mittens Howell, III

      I seem to recall a mini hostage-crisis, so to be fair:

      the Bush-Cheney-Boehner-Obama tax cuts.

    • Negropolis

      They'd just be the Bush-Cheney tax cuts if the Republicans hadn't threatened to crash the company into a wall.

  • Poindexter718

    Did you know?
    Late in life, former Prexy Raygun regularly pooped his pants, just like Newt Gingrich is doing right now as he reads this.

  • chascates

    "And, just as Reagan helped to break up the Soviet Union, President Obama broke up the coalition of teatards, evangelicals, and ultra-wealthy during his second term."

    • #crosses fingers

    • flamingpdog

      We can sure Hopey hope.

    • TootsStansbury

      Dear FSM, if only.

  • Antispandex

    The facts should not get in the way of politics.

  • Lucidamente1

    I remember when Howard Phillips said, "Ronald Reagan is a very weak man with a strong wife and a strong staff. . . . He becomes a useful idiot for Soviet propaganda." Good times.

  • Chichikovovich

    As Callyson noted up above, this is sweet justice for the people who suffered through that 8-year tsunami of propaganda that was the Reagan presidency. Reagan was constantly talking about how FDR did this thing that he was about to do, and how great Eleanor Roosevelt was, and how Kennedy cut taxes just like Reagan did, and…

    I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to see this tactic turned around.

  • sbj1964

    I was just a kid when the Reagan administration declared Ketchup a vegetable in the school lunch program.(A) Tomatoes are a fruit,and Ketchup is hardly a veggie.The GOP are just evil F@ckers!

    • emmelemm

      Same as it ever was, eh? (I remember that too.)

    • Put it on your fries, and you're getting two veggies!

    • flamingpdog

      I was way past being a kid when Ketchup correctly declared Reagan a vegetable.

    • TootsStansbury

      Reagan was a vegetable, his son is a "fruit".

      And Reagan hated the broccoli!

      • MosesInvests

        No, it was Poppy Bush who hated the broccoli. Reagan ate whatever was spooned into his mouth.

        • TootsStansbury

          Well dammitol I get my asshats mixed up. Reagan liked the jellybeanz.

    • anniegetyerfun

      I recall this as well. Given that our school lunches were made up of about 90% tomato sauce, it seemed logical to me.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Put it on your fries, and that's two servings of veggies! The GOP is trying to put everyone on the Red State Diet.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Is it against the Rules for Commenting Radicals to mention that I cracked open a very nice bottle of vintage champagne when I heard Reagan had kicked the bucket?

    Even as I kid I knew he was a brainless puppet. Perhaps my extensive research into the Muppet Show at the time clued me in.

    • emmelemm

      "I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."

    • sullivanst

      Even as [a] kid I knew he was a brainless puppet.

      Anything to do with this?

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        I really miss spitting image.

        • sullivanst

          Yeah, I don't remember Roy Hattersley's actual face nearly as well as I remember his Spitting Image puppet spraying spital like a garden hose. I don't think I remember anything Paddy Ashdown actually said but I definitely remember the SI "I didn't touch her on the left leg, or on the right leg, but somwhere in between"

          I was disappointed I couldn't quickly find a youtube of them pouring jelly beans into Reagan's head, but inserting the brain was good enough.

          Good times :)

    • elfgoldsackring

      Beaker libel!

    • not that Radio

      As long as you didn't crack open his skull!

      • radio-of-owls

        Hey, now, what's in the mailbag?

        • not that Radio

          Very little. Just a screen grab of an extremely moving tribute from a couple of caring compatriots. I'm such a terrible friend. I haven't written anything yet. I hope to Cthulhu that Peg sent something already so he doesn't retreat into a corner.

          • radio-of-owls

            Substitute "Check your" for "what's in the."

  • TroLOLOL Barry, TroLOLOL

  • sullivanst

    The bits that aren't footnotes are pretty stomach-churning lie-packed right-wing propaganda, like the part where they claim that Reagan refused to reverse tax-cutting course in the face of the skullfucking deficit he created, even though he raised taxes multiple times.

  • flamingpdog

    When I clicked on "the spitting mad" linkie, all I got was an ad for Rob Port(ly) of North Dakota, and a pop-up video of Tricky Dick on Laugh-In saying "Sock it to me???". I'm not sure what it all meant, Rebecca, but thanx for the laugh.

  • Calm the fuck down, America!! Those "Did You Know Barry Is Smarter, Cooler, Better-Looking And Sings Better Than Alla These Ofays?" updates on don't go back any further than Calvin Coolidge. The dick-measuring in this case notes that Coolidge's measly "first radio address" cannot compare to Bamz's despotic grip on social media.

    • flamingpdog

      SILENCE CAL!!!

  • Obama has an idiot or two working for him!! My entire worldview is crushed.

  • chascates

    "Poor dear, there's nothing between his ears."
    –British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher
    "What planet is he living on?"
    –President Mitterand of France poses this question about Reagan to Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Thatcher also allegedly wondered how a man that stupid could become President.

      • chascates

        Millions of others have wondered the same thing.

      • doloras

        Thatcher was a research chemist, so she certainly wasn't dumb, but on the other hand she had a chilling lack of humour or empathy so she may have been a textbook sociopath.

    • Negropolis

      That's rich coming from Thatcher, who was so publically up the president's ass (whatever she thought of him in private) she was talking out of his mouth.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        It's the way of the Brits, and we've come to accept it. Blair, a very very smart man, had to follow what that smirking cunt Bush did.

        We accept it because we, as Brits, stand with our chums across the water despite the fucking morons you often elect.

        • Barb

          Would the Brits stand behind Palin?

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Should that godawful thing come to pass … there'd be some hackles raised and some soul searching.

            Probably yes, because we love you guys, but that's a big fucking ask.

        • Negropolis

          You know, I've always understood this, but it really is embarrassing for you guys. And, even still, there is a way to do it without looking pitiful. Only Thatcher and Blair really stick out in, recently, so it's not like you guys can't be pro-America and still maintain some public semblence of independence on foreign policy. I mean, for however much I disagree with Cameron, I'm glad that he's not "Obama's poodle."

          You know, as a liberal, I was felt really betrayed when Blair decided to be Bush's enabler when it came to Iraq. He lent a legitimacy to the whole debacle that it otherwise wouldn't have had.

  • "Look on my Website Refresh Ye Mighty and despair!"

    • sullivanst

      Wailing? Check.
      Gnashing of teeth? Check.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Romney Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families's personal servants participating in body cavity searches of illegal aliens on this day."

    "In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Romney creates jobs for working Americans by taking advantage of a lower tax rate than the colored man that cleans the White House toilets."

  • Nostrildamus

    "President Reagan reduced the level of national discourse to moronic sloganeering; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition with updates to presidential biographies which, while accurate, use the sort of pandering, simplistic language that would insult the intelligence of a fourth grader".

  • Come here a minute

    Nothing, NOTHING, that the White House does can possibly be free of political meaning, so might as well just pile it on and get the fuck over it.

  • Negropolis

    Ha! The White House staff are such a douchebags for this…but I don't even care. lol

  • fuflans

    why are we clutching our pearls here? republicans routinely rewrite the entire history of the last 50 years. and GOD, they certainly rewrite (well,attempt) the bush administration. hell, mittens is rewriting his own history on a daily basis.

    if we want to clutch our pearls about barry, i would say let's focus on drone strikes and civilian wiretapping.

    not BS campaign crap.

    • George Spelvin

      I have no pearls to clutch, and I find the right's over-reaction amusing; but I do think that it is a little inappropriate to turn the biographical sketches of past Presidents, on the official White House website, even partly into advertisements for the current one.

      The idea of drawing parallels is perfectly okay, but it seems to me that such parallels should be drawn in separate articles.

      Why mention it (or clutch pearls about it)? I try to correct my small mistakes as well as my larger ones. I expect the same thing from people I respect.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Jesus, why all of the fucking pearl clutching? Some of you people are whining like Tucker Carlson. I love it. I'd like to see the White House communications staff kick it up a notch and post something like.

    As governor of California Ronald Reagan's first act was to sign into law a bill liberalizing access to contraception and making it easier for women to get abortions. President Obama also believes that women should have access to contraception and abortions."

    or, even better

    On the 26th of February 1986 Ronald Reagan received a completely awesome blowjob from Nancy Reagan. While President Obama has never received a blowjob from Nancy Reagan he has received blowjobs from many other white women.

    • PuglyDoRight

      You just made me spit out my coffee. Luckily it landed on the dog, not my laptop.

    • Kidneys4Sale

      I'm not sure if you can see it from over there, but I'm humping your leg at the moment.

  • elburritodeluxe

    A little tacky.

  • ttommyunger

    The old joke among the cops in KCMo in the sixties was that they'd work on MLK day until there was a James Earl Ray Holiday.

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