the more you know unless you have alzheimer's and then you know less

Obama Just Cold Trolling Conservatives With Obama-Centric Reagan Bio

in hellWe at Your Wonkette found it kind of tacky and ridiculous when we read everywhere that some tone-deaf deciderer on Obama’s communications staff had decidered to update each former president’s biography with references to Bamz himself. A little hubristic, fellows, no? But that was before we saw that this included even St. Ronald Reagan! And oh, everyone is just spitting mad! What is in Reagan’s White House bio now? Simply that he joins Obama from beyond the grave in calling for the Buffett Rule. FUCK YEAH GHOST RONALD REAGAN! All is forgiven, Obama communications staff. Have fun trolling all the Breitards!

Take it away, White House:

Did you know?

President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families participating in service projects on this day.

In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule.

And did you know, Dick Cheney voted against Martin Luther King Jr. Day when he was in Congress, because he is a dick? Hugging and learning!

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf
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  1. Barb

    Oh God, my horrible and racist father used to say of the Martin Luther King Holiday, "We should kill 4 more and take a whole week off" *cringe*

    1. sewollef

      On a similar note, my father used to refer to Indians or Pakistanis as simply, "Paki". Which is a racist/derogatory epithet in the UK.

      My father was an asshole…. and I told him so, repeatedly.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        My father once said to me, with extreme bemusement, "I heard on TV that Catholicism isn't the biggest religion in the world. Could that be right?" In honor of his ASKING instead of just rejecting news he didn't like (the default position), I refrained from laughing and explained to him what kinds of religions/populations they have in China, India, Pakistan, and Indonesia. He was truly shocked. Then I really blew his mind by explaining it isn't even the biggest religion in the U.S.

        This is the same guy who asked me every time I traveled abroad, "Do they have golf courses there?" (That was the epitome of culture to Dad.) We had a running joke that no matter where I went I brought back a photo of a McDonalds so he could see that his America was everywhere.

      1. ttommyunger

        I know the Greaseman. I've partied with the Greaseman in a titty bar, and your dad, Barb, is no Greaseman.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Barb, you've coped with a lot in your life – its a testament to your resilience that you remained the wonderful, clever person you are.

    3. MissNancyPriss

      Whaa? God bless my 86 year old, orphaned, WW2 vet, alzheimers afflicted dad who said during the Bush x2 regime: "my fear is that I will die while that idiot is still president" and loves him some Obama. Godspeed, B, you are an inspiration.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        That's a wonderful story. What a great guy. My 85-year-old ma just thrilled me by sending a letter to the local newspaper saying the tea party candidate to replace Gabby Giffords shouldn't be elected because, and I quote her letter, "In this day and age we can't be led by people who not only didn't go to college themselves but don't think education should be a priority for the rest of the population." She didn't go to college either but she's a hell of a lot smarter than candidate Jesse Kelly.

    4. coolhandnuke

      Your father's joke was told on the air by a DC disc jockey–The Greaseman–pretty much verbatim I believe in 1986. Living in DC at the time I remember the fallout from his ill-timed joke and he was either suspended or fired or both.

      1. not that Radio

        Apparently he was only suspended for that one. He was fired when he said "see why we drag them behind trucks?" while playing a Lauren Hill song during the James Byrd murder trial.

    5. Butch_Wagstaff

      My dad's two brothers are horrible racists. So guess what happened? Many of my dad's sisters had kids who ended up dating and marrying non-white folk. Chris Rock was right when he said that the type of people you hate will become part of your family.

          1. George Spelvin

            Well, it wasn't me, but I do have a Mormon ex-wife and ex-stepdaughter that I may have mentioned. (They were ex- before they were Mormon, so not so much causality).

    6. ingloriousbytch

      For fuck's sake.

      I tip my hat to you Barb for defying asshattery you were raised with.

      *raises glass*

      A toast to Barb! Huzzah!

    7. Chow Yun Flat

      Barb–same here:

      I was talking with my sister not long ago–we realized that every joke we can remember when at the dinner table as kids was a N****r joke. I can't recall any of the jokes now, just that my father was a pathological racist.

    8. Negropolis

      Wow. I've known people ambivalent to the Civil Rights Movement, or didn't like it because it stirred up emotions, but not the actively hateful shit and crass jokes like that.

    9. PuglyDoRight

      Yeah I heard variations of the same thing growing up. Now he's shouting at the clouds somewhere in Florida, hating on the President for having the nerve to be black and successful.

  2. SayItWithWookies

    I thought the Buffett rule was that you don't go back for thirds until everyone else has had a chance at seconds.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I thought the Buffett rule was that you don't get between Chris Christie and the buffet table.

      1. Mittens Howell, III

        Don't sneeze on the salad

        Or, if you're a Republican: sneeze on Obama's salad.

    2. actor212

      No, the Buffett Rule is you stay in your seat with your seatbelt fastened once the pilot turns on the seat belt sign because of turbulence.

    3. Crank_Tango

      No–it's you always take a clean plate. I like to start off strong with two plates in my first sitting, then go back for "seconds."

  3. Wonderthing

    This is sure some stone cold skull fuckin'. Yee ha! Four More Spears! Oops. I mean Years! I am not a racist. But I used to own some. Literature. They wrote. It was research.

  4. LettucePrey

    Obama should just chisel himself into Mount Rushmore, along with George Clooney and the cast of Glee.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Only after he has the Army Corps of Engineers blow the side off of Stone Mountain and has the bas relief of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis replaced with one of Ulysses S. Grant, William Tecumseh Sherman, Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass boning a clearly ecstatic white woman with the caption "The Holy Liberators of the South".

      1. George Spelvin

        I walked up there once. Interesting geology and quite a view.

        Also, for some reason, the bas relief made me think of rocket launchers.

  5. didgen

    Republicans feel it is so. Unfair to mention these little lapses of unpleasantness from everyones favorite grandpa.

        1. Jus_Wonderin

          At least it is the flat sided ones that won't roll away from him. Sadly, he only has 6 colors and then white and…black.

    1. Arken

      But not the decency to not start a war on a lie or not torture people. Think I know which I prefer.

    2. flamingpdog

      He tried, but when he tried to get into the files, he got a prompt to "hit any key", and he couldn't ever find the "any" key.

    3. ChessieNefercat

      "Wow. I mean, even Bush had the decency to leave the Prez bios alone."

      That's because he didn't know where they were (or what they were, for that matter).

      1. Jukesgrrl

        He chose to pretend there was no such thing as The Ghey. Even though he spent most of his life in Hollywood. Talk about delusional.

  6. SayItWithWookies

    I'd be a little leery of appropriating Reagan's ideas on just about anything — since that moron signed every damn thing that was put in front of him, one or two sensible things probably snuck past the gatekeepers and ended up with his signature on it, but that wasn't generally the work of the moron who saved Granada from Soviet hegemony and sent Oliver North to Iran with a Bible and a key-shaped cake hoping to sell them missiles.

    1. Negropolis

      I've always cringed when he compared himself favorably to Reagan. It was pretty clear during the primaries that he was doing it to piss off Clinton, but it was also clear that he actually kind of believed what he said.

      Reagan was a transformational president. He transformed us right into the fucking ground with results still being felt, today. It is scary to think would we would have become had his party had total control of the branches of government.

  7. EdFlintstone

    Bamz should of at least had the decency to mention when St. Ronnie walked on water and parted the Red Sea.

  8. littlebigdaddy

    Is this like editing Wikipedia to show that J.Q. Adams was a founding father?

    1. mrpuma2u

      He was, and had a chamber orchestra piece celebrating his founder-ness composed by P.D.Q Bach.

    2. ChessieNefercat

      "Is this like editing Wikipedia to show that J.Q. Adams was a founding father?"

      Yes, just like editing the Paul Revere Wikipedia entry to show that he was a'clangin' that cookware to, uh, scare the British away from …bells?

  9. Pragmatist2

    I's like to think that someone at the White House is doing this just so they can make Republican heads explode.

  10. Callyson

    Now the wingnuts know how our side felt when Saint Ronnie compared himself to FDR.

    1. 1stNewtontheMoon

      No they don't. One is a fair comparison made by a sober-minded guy about some dead asshole who happened to get one thing sorta right. The other is some half-wit coat-tailing jerkoff who wishes he was more like the guy whose legacy of not shitting on poors he's dedicated to destroying (whether he knows it or not).

      The only way Ronnie was like FDR is that FDR was physically disabled and Ronnie was mentally disabled. Also, they were roughly the same age.

      1. Callyson

        Well, I'm not thinking so much about the accuracy of the comparison as I'm thinking about how pissed they must be to have “Nobama,” as they call him, draw a comparison to their patron saint……but as long as they are pissed off, some good is coming out of this…

  11. edgydrifter

    Shiiiit, most of the time Reagan didn't know what he was for and what he was against. Kind of like Romney, really, but at least he could blame Alzheimer's.

        1. TootsStansbury

          "Don't Worry Be Happy"

          Grrrrrrrr. I was laid off and job hunting during that shit.

      1. dadanarchist

        'Cue' here means 'beat with a sack full of cue balls.' I think.

        This probably violates Wonkerules.

  12. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    All they have to do to fix this, is to get their non-Christian elected to the White House.

    also, HAHAHAHAHA Christians in a Christian nation having to vote for a non-Christian just to erase the pockmarks of a black man.

  13. Arken

    Ron Paul also was against Martin Luther King Jr. day. See, he's a libertarian which means he sees people as individuals, not groups, and the individuals with dark skin are the bad ones.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Also, people of a particular race demanding equality is, ummm, racist.

    2. TootsStansbury

      Ugh. I'm from Virginy and we used to have "LeeJacksonKing Day". I shit you not.

  14. Fox n Fiends

    Next thing you know, Obama will be saying that Reagan was the head of a Union and spent decades getting taxpayer-funded health care for his family.

  15. mavenmaven

    Buy stock in Depends as all the teabaggers who see this will piss themselves silly.

    1. Dudleydidwrong

      I thought it was spelled "Ray-Gun." Obama must have gone in and changed the spelling

    1. Mittens Howell, III

      I seem to recall a mini hostage-crisis, so to be fair:

      the Bush-Cheney-Boehner-Obama tax cuts.

    2. Negropolis

      They'd just be the Bush-Cheney tax cuts if the Republicans hadn't threatened to crash the company into a wall.

  16. Poindexter718

    Did you know?
    Late in life, former Prexy Raygun regularly pooped his pants, just like Newt Gingrich is doing right now as he reads this.

  17. chascates

    "And, just as Reagan helped to break up the Soviet Union, President Obama broke up the coalition of teatards, evangelicals, and ultra-wealthy during his second term."

  18. Lucidamente1

    I remember when Howard Phillips said, "Ronald Reagan is a very weak man with a strong wife and a strong staff. . . . He becomes a useful idiot for Soviet propaganda." Good times.

  19. Chichikovovich

    As Callyson noted up above, this is sweet justice for the people who suffered through that 8-year tsunami of propaganda that was the Reagan presidency. Reagan was constantly talking about how FDR did this thing that he was about to do, and how great Eleanor Roosevelt was, and how Kennedy cut taxes just like Reagan did, and…

    I cannot tell you how much joy it brings me to see this tactic turned around.

  20. sbj1964

    I was just a kid when the Reagan administration declared Ketchup a vegetable in the school lunch program.(A) Tomatoes are a fruit,and Ketchup is hardly a veggie.The GOP are just evil F@ckers!

    1. flamingpdog

      I was way past being a kid when Ketchup correctly declared Reagan a vegetable.

    2. TootsStansbury

      Reagan was a vegetable, his son is a "fruit".

      And Reagan hated the broccoli!

      1. MosesInvests

        No, it was Poppy Bush who hated the broccoli. Reagan ate whatever was spooned into his mouth.

    3. anniegetyerfun

      I recall this as well. Given that our school lunches were made up of about 90% tomato sauce, it seemed logical to me.

    4. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Put it on your fries, and that's two servings of veggies! The GOP is trying to put everyone on the Red State Diet.

  21. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Is it against the Rules for Commenting Radicals to mention that I cracked open a very nice bottle of vintage champagne when I heard Reagan had kicked the bucket?

    Even as I kid I knew he was a brainless puppet. Perhaps my extensive research into the Muppet Show at the time clued me in.

    1. emmelemm

      "I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."

        1. sullivanst

          Yeah, I don't remember Roy Hattersley's actual face nearly as well as I remember his Spitting Image puppet spraying spital like a garden hose. I don't think I remember anything Paddy Ashdown actually said but I definitely remember the SI "I didn't touch her on the left leg, or on the right leg, but somwhere in between"

          I was disappointed I couldn't quickly find a youtube of them pouring jelly beans into Reagan's head, but inserting the brain was good enough.

          Good times :)

        1. not that Radio

          Very little. Just a screen grab of an extremely moving tribute from a couple of caring compatriots. I'm such a terrible friend. I haven't written anything yet. I hope to Cthulhu that Peg sent something already so he doesn't retreat into a corner.

  22. sullivanst

    The bits that aren't footnotes are pretty stomach-churning lie-packed right-wing propaganda, like the part where they claim that Reagan refused to reverse tax-cutting course in the face of the skullfucking deficit he created, even though he raised taxes multiple times.

  23. flamingpdog

    When I clicked on "the spitting mad" linkie, all I got was an ad for Rob Port(ly) of North Dakota, and a pop-up video of Tricky Dick on Laugh-In saying "Sock it to me???". I'm not sure what it all meant, Rebecca, but thanx for the laugh.

  24. Chet Kincaid

    Calm the fuck down, America!! Those "Did You Know Barry Is Smarter, Cooler, Better-Looking And Sings Better Than Alla These Ofays?" updates on don't go back any further than Calvin Coolidge. The dick-measuring in this case notes that Coolidge's measly "first radio address" cannot compare to Bamz's despotic grip on social media.

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Thatcher also allegedly wondered how a man that stupid could become President.

      1. doloras

        Thatcher was a research chemist, so she certainly wasn't dumb, but on the other hand she had a chilling lack of humour or empathy so she may have been a textbook sociopath.

    2. Negropolis

      That's rich coming from Thatcher, who was so publically up the president's ass (whatever she thought of him in private) she was talking out of his mouth.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        It's the way of the Brits, and we've come to accept it. Blair, a very very smart man, had to follow what that smirking cunt Bush did.

        We accept it because we, as Brits, stand with our chums across the water despite the fucking morons you often elect.

          1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Should that godawful thing come to pass … there'd be some hackles raised and some soul searching.

            Probably yes, because we love you guys, but that's a big fucking ask.

        1. Negropolis

          You know, I've always understood this, but it really is embarrassing for you guys. And, even still, there is a way to do it without looking pitiful. Only Thatcher and Blair really stick out in, recently, so it's not like you guys can't be pro-America and still maintain some public semblence of independence on foreign policy. I mean, for however much I disagree with Cameron, I'm glad that he's not "Obama's poodle."

          You know, as a liberal, I was felt really betrayed when Blair decided to be Bush's enabler when it came to Iraq. He lent a legitimacy to the whole debacle that it otherwise wouldn't have had.

  25. randcoolcatdaddy

    "President Reagan designated Martin Luther King Jr. Day a national holiday; today the Romney Administration honors this tradition, with the First and Second Families's personal servants participating in body cavity searches of illegal aliens on this day."

    "In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Romney creates jobs for working Americans by taking advantage of a lower tax rate than the colored man that cleans the White House toilets."

  26. Nostrildamus

    "President Reagan reduced the level of national discourse to moronic sloganeering; today the Obama Administration honors this tradition with updates to presidential biographies which, while accurate, use the sort of pandering, simplistic language that would insult the intelligence of a fourth grader".

  27. Come here a minute

    Nothing, NOTHING, that the White House does can possibly be free of political meaning, so might as well just pile it on and get the fuck over it.

  28. Negropolis

    Ha! The White House staff are such a douchebags for this…but I don't even care. lol

  29. fuflans

    why are we clutching our pearls here? republicans routinely rewrite the entire history of the last 50 years. and GOD, they certainly rewrite (well,attempt) the bush administration. hell, mittens is rewriting his own history on a daily basis.

    if we want to clutch our pearls about barry, i would say let's focus on drone strikes and civilian wiretapping.

    not BS campaign crap.

    1. George Spelvin

      I have no pearls to clutch, and I find the right's over-reaction amusing; but I do think that it is a little inappropriate to turn the biographical sketches of past Presidents, on the official White House website, even partly into advertisements for the current one.

      The idea of drawing parallels is perfectly okay, but it seems to me that such parallels should be drawn in separate articles.

      Why mention it (or clutch pearls about it)? I try to correct my small mistakes as well as my larger ones. I expect the same thing from people I respect.

  30. Wile E. Quixote

    Jesus, why all of the fucking pearl clutching? Some of you people are whining like Tucker Carlson. I love it. I'd like to see the White House communications staff kick it up a notch and post something like.

    As governor of California Ronald Reagan's first act was to sign into law a bill liberalizing access to contraception and making it easier for women to get abortions. President Obama also believes that women should have access to contraception and abortions."

    or, even better

    On the 26th of February 1986 Ronald Reagan received a completely awesome blowjob from Nancy Reagan. While President Obama has never received a blowjob from Nancy Reagan he has received blowjobs from many other white women.

    1. PuglyDoRight

      You just made me spit out my coffee. Luckily it landed on the dog, not my laptop.

    2. Kidneys4Sale

      I'm not sure if you can see it from over there, but I'm humping your leg at the moment.

  31. ttommyunger

    The old joke among the cops in KCMo in the sixties was that they'd work on MLK day until there was a James Earl Ray Holiday.

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