the coming race snore

Army Of Minority Babies Prepares Crushing Assault On All Whites

More devil babies plzWe knew it, you knew it, they knew it, your crazy white great-uncle who forwards you paranoic chain letters in blue 30-point Comic Sans font with neon green background knew it, and now the U.S. Census knows it: The minorities, they’re popping out babies like the dickens, and the flaccid whites can no longer keep up: “Non-Hispanic whites accounted for 49.6 percent of all births in the 12-month period that ended last July, according to Census Bureau data made public on Thursday, while minorities — including Hispanics, blacks, Asians and those of mixed race — reached 50.4 percent, representing a majority for the first time in the country’s history.” Shit. See you all in Singapore! We’ll whiten that joint up in no time.

This is a prime opportunity — really, what could surpass it? — for some outrage-surfing on the conservative Internet. Bloggers at Phyllis Schlafly’s Eagle Forum, whatcha got? They don’t like the tone of the New York Times article, which simply reported a finding from the Census:

The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s, as symbolized by Ozzie and Harriet. The TV characters were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working, and otherwise embodied qualities that made America great. In other words, the show promoted values that NY Times liberals despise.

Instead, the USA is being transformed by immigrants who do not share those values, and who have high rates of illiteracy, illegitimacy, and gang crime, and they will vote Democrat when the Democrats promise them more food stamps.

Okay, that one should suffice on its own. One more?… hmmm… Jonah Goldberg is babbling about George Zimmerman for some reason… yeah, that Eagle Forum one’s enough for now.

[NYT, Eagle Forum]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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182 comments

        1. BornInATrailer

          I shudder to recall those awful "one teaspoon" laws and White Flour marches before the Civil Rise era.

    1. actor212

      Any white ladies looking to breed superior children may line up at my dressing room door.

      One at a time, please, unless you're twins.

      Oh, and since I'm liberal, you lovely women of colour are invited in as well. We'll just have the spankings and oral sexing.

    2. anniegetyerfun

      As a white lady who loves the minority menz, I'm afraid I am of no use in this crusade.

  1. Nopantsmcgee

    You KNOW this wouldn't be happening if we didn't have a half-blah President, rite?

  2. GuyClinch

    OT, but Mittens uttered the quintessential line today, in Florida. He said: "I'm not familiar precisely with what I said, but I'll stand by what I said, whatever it was."

    There is a certain elegance in its purity, no?

          1. HistoriBarb

            To be fair, he may just believe that he will be elected President because he deserves to be elected President.

            I had an interview like that once – I thought I should be given the position because I was obviously the best person for the position, with no need to sell myself. I wasn't running for President of the United States though, so it may not be a valid comparison.

    1. widestanceromance

      May this haunt him for the rest of his days. With slight editing, he just wrote his own epitaph.

    2. Jukesgrrl

      He added insult to injury by saying he wasn't able to read the inflammatory NY Times article about him because, "I just got off the aircraft." Mitt can't read when he's floating from one pandering assignment to another? Apparently it's enough we ask him to remember the favorite foods of the state he's in so he can pretend he eats them. Hillary should Tweet him from her fully equipped office space station to tell him he's an asshole.

    1. fartknocker

      Tacos El Carbon made by people who understand pork, masa and vegetables is a much better food option than a 17 year old slinging corporate food crap through a drive-thru window.

      Damn Barbdar, thanks for solving my dinner choice.

  3. edgydrifter

    Yes, now America will cease to be like a fictional story about a family that never existed portrayed by actors who were not, in fact, related to each other. Way to go, minorities. This is all your fault.

        1. actor212

          The family has managed to maintain a pretty squeaky clean image of Ozzie. Ricky had his troubles and those were pretty public, so it's hard to tell if Ozzie was the genuinely nice guy we've seen or if there's been a ton of dust-busting.

          One thing's for sure: something fucked Ricky Nelson up badly.

          1. SorosBot

            And I love the hair metal that so many other people loathe and mock, but even I would never defend Ricky's twins; they just sucked. "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" is awful.

      1. edgydrifter

        That's just what they wanted you to think. I don't recall David or Ricky ever releasing their long-form birth certificates.

      2. Chichikovovich

        Rick later wrote a book where he said that his Dad was a complete douche. Or maybe that his Dad wasn't a douche at all. I never read it.

        But whatever it was, he stood by it.

        1. actor212

          I'm sure he said it.

          Actually, in researching other shows of the period, I came across this great quote:

          "I wish there was some way I could tell the kids not to believe it. The dialogue, the situations, the characters ­ they were all totally false. The show did everyone a disservice. The girls were always trained to use their feminine wiles, to pretend to be helpless to attract men. The show contributed to a lot of the problems between men and women that we see today. . . . I think we were all well motivated, but what we did was run a hoax. 'Father Knows Best' purported to be a reasonable facsimile of life. And the bad thing is, the model is so deceitful. It usually revolved around not wanting to tell the truth, either out of embarrassment, or not wanting to hurt someone. If I could say anything to make up for all the years I lent myself to (that), it would be, 'You Know Best.'"

  4. BarbdarTFlagass

    "The TV characters were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working"

    In other words, they were the figments of scriptwriters' imaginations.

  5. actor212

    The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s, as symbolized by Ozzie and Harriet.

    I think Rickie did that when he crashed his plane, motherfuckers…

    Of course, he had the egregious Nelson Twins, so….

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Ozzie and Harriet no more represented the reality of of the American family in the 1950's than Hogan's Hero's represented WWII.

      1. actor212

        I agree. Ozzie and Harriet originated as a radio show during WW2, and were really not much more than a propaganda mill for Americans to believe that everything was hunky dory and to ignore the world around them.

  6. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    And half of the white babies were created with Stephen Colbert Formula 401.

  7. elburritodeluxe

    From the proud dad of two mixed-race babies:
    Since far more whites receive food stamps than the minorities how come they're not voting Democrat? Ingrates! Also, since Mittens is the top choice for whites in the upcoming election, should we call him the Food Stamp President?

    1. miss_grundy

      No, we can call him the Stupid Choice President because that vulture has used his financial company to put a lot of Americans out of work. Of course, the stupid whites who will vote for him can't think logically so they can put that idea together in their brains. Why are there so many people in this country who happily vote against their own interests?

  8. littlebigdaddy

    Let's see how long it takes them to start reconsidering the abortionplex issue.

  9. Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    I am going to strongly suggest that all freethinking, humanist, secular "brights" should get to fuckin'.

    We may risk the planet for a little while, but we're smarter than them. It is time to reverse those vasectomies, people.

    deit, and OT: GODDAMMIT. Birthers still at it.

    1. Callyson

      The more babbling the birthers do, the worse the poll numbers get for Mittens. God works in mysterious ways…

  10. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I think the main problem is that, on the whole, whites are more affluent, and so have faster internet and more access to porn. So, by spreading high speed internet into the poor and immigrant communities, we can effectively stop this problem.

  11. SorosBot

    This is why the racists are freaking out and going overboard with the insanity now; they know their time is fading, America's getting browner, most young white people don't share their racism and homophobia, and of course the President is black. This is making them lose what remains of their bigoted little minds.

    1. widestanceromance

      I've long thought that the incredibly awful behavior the right has engaged in was cornered animal fear from smelling its own death.

    2. Negropolis

      There is an ounce of truth to the fear, though, and if they aren't feeling guilty about it they should. And that is that they've either been active in or complicit in dismantling society at the bottom for so long that everybody's going to get hurt by this change, in the beginning, for the sheer fact that it's going to take some major remedial work in rebuilding society at the bottom.

      They thought that the legacy and consequences of tthe neglect of entire elements of the greater society were bad in the 60's. Imagine what it's going to take the bridge the health and education gaps they've allowed to widen over the decades since.

      I'm hopeful for the simple fact that we'll now be able to actually address disparities because the numbers have changed, but it's going to be tough</> and painful and it didn't have to be, so it makes me a bit bitter.

    3. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Lock 'em in a room and make 'em watch "Children of Men."
      Then hose out the exploded brains, and bring in the next bunch.

  12. niblick77

    You have to put the blame where blame should be put. On the gay white homos because, you know, homo.

  13. BarbdarTFlagass

    My grandmother got divorced in 1941 from my philandering grandfather. She lived with her second husband for 3 years before they were married in 1948. My great aunt disappeared in 1947 and it is assumed that foul play was involved. My other grandfather's brother was gay and was completely ostracized by his family.

    Your "Ozzie and Harriet America" is a fiction.

    1. actor212

      There's this commercial on teh TeeVee for Ancestry.com that sort of slyly addresses that, where some woman searches her parentage and finds out her grandpa was grandma's third husband.

      Way to go, GILF!

    2. RavenRant

      But Uncle Arthur, (Paul Lynde), was loved and accepted on 'Bewitched'. So fictional mixed muggle/witch families were much cooler than fictional and real All-American families back then.

    3. fartknocker

      Fred Sanford lived in salvage yard because that's where black people were supposed to live. Archie Bunker, on the other hand, was the true, quintessential American.

    4. HistoriBarb

      More like propaganda. I may be reaching a little but I think there was a lot pants-pissing fear that the country would go through major societal upheaval similar to the Roaring Twenties. In response, there was a strong push for "everything is fine – remain calm" messages through broadcast media and education. Most of the big popular music (Perry Como, Bing Crosby) was essentially lullabies. Add in a hefty dose of Communism fears and you have a great environment for playing it safe.

    5. doloras

      I found out that after my great-great-grandma died, my great-great-grandpa married her sister. I know that's technically "Levirate marriage", but they were Irish, not Jewish, so WTF.

  14. Schmannnity

    Whites would have fallen further and faster were it not for super White, super Mormons like Mittman.

  15. SmutBoffin

    I am glad that there are patriots out there willing to take a stand against demography. Did you know that they teach it in American indoctrination slut colleges, nowadays?

    Demography sounds muslin, anyway. Oh, and fuck the associated statistics too! YOO-ESS-EIGH YOO-ESS-EIGH YOO-ESS-EIGH

  16. coolhandnuke

    ….The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s, as symbolized by Ozzie and Harriet…

    Ozzy Osbourne and Harriet Tubman?

  17. Nopantsmcgee

    I , for one, welcome our new gorgeously pigmented overlords and hope to date as many as I can.

  18. friendlyskies

    I hear Ratko Mladic isn't busy this week after all. Perhaps the Eagle Forum could invite him over to discuss strategies for reversing this trend and returning the USA to its fictional teevee-show past.

    1. BarbdarTFlagass

      Bacardi has an ad running that shows a bunch of people partying in 1957, and they have the rainbow of races all having a good time together. Yeah, right.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        I love it when TV spots pull that shit. "Oh wait, market data shows blacks and Latinos drink our beer too, so put a really light-skinned black guy and a hispanic guy in the wheelhouse with Columbus!"

  19. GuyClinch

    Just putting it out there to any hot Latina, black, Asian, Indian (both kinds), or otherwise non-white ladies in U.S. America: I'm white, outta sight and got a sack full of swimmers. Let's get it on and start lightening the palette. Thank you in advance.

    1. Redgyal

      This technique….does it work for you? Or does a billboard with your picture and phone number do the job better?

  20. Serolf_Divad

    I've got the solution to this crisis: first we all convert to Mormonism, next we import a bunch of Norwegian and Icelandic women. It's a win/win!

    1. natoslug

      If you've all converted to Mormonism, all you need to do is pray and tithe enough and you become white and delightsome. No importation necessary. Of course, without the starter harem, there's no way I am converting to Mormonism again.

      1. Serolf_Divad

        Starter harems? Is that like the half-filled inkjet cartridges that come with printers these days, because buying a whole set f color inks is actually more expensive than buying a whole new printer?

  21. Jus_Wonderin

    Prommie, are you there? This is why the Connies are going batshit crazy. They feel they are "loosing their Country".

  22. pdiddycornchips

    Fucking anchor babies! Well, this is a call to arms. From this day forth, I vow to never where a condom when trolling the trailer parks of middle America.

      1. pdiddycornchips

        I can't prove this with any scientific certainty but if you spray your cock with RAID ant and roach killer just before inserting it into the syphilis-filled vagina, it not only prevents contamination but it enhances both your and your partners pleasure.

  23. Chet Kincaid

    I love how people who really ought to know better believe that an 8 year stretch of faux-tranquility under Eisenhower represents all of American history before niggers got uppity, ignoring the working people's blood that made this nation's streets slippery right up until Pearl Fucking Harbor.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Why, that's just a bunch of America-hating revisionism. As any fool knows, before Ozzie and Harriet, America was best represented by The Waltons. And before that, by Little House on the Prairie.

    2. dadanarchist

      Noted Canadian conservative "traitor" David "Axis of Evil" Frum gets it:

      "In the years between the Civil War and the Great Depression, we also saw increasing concentrations of great wealth—at the same time as many working Americans, moving from farm to city, suffered the pain of moral dislocation and social breakdown. Crime, prostitution, and drunkenness ran then at least as rampant as the analogous ills run today.

      And in those days too, there existed writers and thinkers who insisted that these trends represented the necessary consequences of ineluctable social consequences. Murray's claim that the "reality that has driven the formation of the new upper class [is that] brains have become much more valuable in the marketplace" has its almost exactly precise analogues in the writings of Social Darwinists like William Graham Sumner.

      There was however at least one hugely important difference between those days and our own. Back then, the lower class, rather than sink meekly into its immiseration, periodically erupted in violent strikes and riots. American labor relations in the period from 1880 through 1920 were the most violent on earth. In 1901, an anarchist murdered President McKinley; in 1919-20, a bloody wave of bombings culminated in an explosion on Wall Street that killed that killed 38 people and wounded 400 more."

      1. Chet Kincaid

        Yes! This is why the bullshit "Forrest Gump" mentality that America at some point had some kind of innocence is so annoying. The only people who believe that are a very narrow slice of the Boomers who were born after the war, and their dumb fucking kids who have been raised fundamentalist Christian.

  24. Baconzgood

    Sex with non-white people is fun.

    (I know the same themed snark twice in a row, but Baconz knows this for a fact, being the lil' lady was born in south america)

  25. SoBeach

    I sired a whole mess of unbelievably pale babies. But that was a while back, and I've had the machinery taken off line since then. So this is probably my fault. Sorry, white people.

  26. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    When the minorities are the majority do we have to stop calling them minorities?

  27. SorosBot

    So I'm a white guy dating a white woman and we use birth control – does that make us race traitors? If so, good, 'cause I hate white people.

    1. DahBoner

      A white guy stabbed me with a pencil on the playground, when I was 8.

      Narrowly missed putting my eye out, I still have the scar to this day.

      Never trusted whites ever since. I cross the street when I see a bunch of white guys walking towards me…

      1. horsedreamer_1

        A morbidly obese white classmate stabbed ME in the arm, at the elbow, with a mechanical pencil. Still have the scar, & maybe even some pencil, in me.still hate fat &/or white people.

  28. fuflans

    The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s, as symbolized by Ozzie and Harriet. The TV characters were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working, and otherwise embodied qualities that made America great.

    yeah, but the music sucked.

  29. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Ultimately, the real victim here is Sarah Palin's overworked uterus, and I think it's only fair to call on President Obama to resign.

    1. sharethegrief

      In the Palin family, the overworked uterus is a fine substitute for the undeveloped brain.

  30. Blueb4sunrise

    Hey, wait a minute! Is this sciency stuff with data and graphs and things?
    Don't believe it!!!111111 I know a white couple that had a baby recently so it can't be true!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. SayItWithWookies

    Hey if it was up to me, we'd all get spayed or neutered and these would be the last generations of humans, and we could all sit on the veranda watching the sunset as we contemplated turning the planet over to the less-evolved species who probably won't fuck it up nearly as much as we have.

    Anyway, my point is that the pointy-hat brigade should count their damn blessings.

  32. randcoolcatdaddy

    Hmph. I thought "Ozzie and Harriet" was just a cheesy Whitesploitation movie….

  33. widestanceromance

    Yes, we should all strive to be more like fictional characters created to sell soap. FTW.

  34. jodyleek

    No, Phyllis darling, the NY Times didn't do away with the '50s, you dried up old cunt. The '60s did! Now crawl back in your mothballed crypt before your sulfurous stench becomes more noticeable.

  35. bikerlaureate

    … and they will vote Democrat when the Democrats promise them more food stamps.

    It's completely baffling that nonwhite folks don't flock to the Republicans, who clearly have so much respect for their intelligence and integrity.

  36. gullywompr

    With all the baby-killing we do, it's amazing us liberals managed to pull this off.

  37. Puffperney

    SCOTUS could speed the trend up some if they would just overturn a certain ruling…

    …and at the same time rob the R.s of a key issue.

  38. dadanarchist

    "The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s, as symbolized by Ozzie and Harriet. The TV characters were happy pill-popping alchoholics, self-sufficient on the GI bill, autonomous beneficiaries of a 90% top marginal tax-rate, law-abiding racists, honorable dirty sluts, patriotic paranoid anti-communists, hard-working unionized, and otherwise embodied qualities lived in a social democracy that which made America great a nice enough place to live if you were white. In other words, the show promoted values that NY Times liberals despise revealed a world that conservatives have systematically destroyed in the past 50 years."

    FIXED

  39. Mumbletypeg

    Kid Rock is already on this — rewriting his masterpiece to better suit the impending whitey-galvanized Pro-Procreation Campaign's song with "Born Pigment-Free"~

  40. Wile E. Quixote

    The TV characters were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working, and otherwise embodied qualities that made America great.

    I myself prefer the TV characters of the 1960s who were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working and otherwise embodied qualities that made America great, like tapping hot, green alien ass every chance they got. Plus they had phasers, transporters, photon torpedos, FTL travel and incredibly awesome cellular coverage (when did you ever hear James T. KIrk say "Enterprise. Can you hear me Enterprise?" on his communicator). All of that stuff is way cooler than anything a stuffy old closet queen like Ozzie Nelson ever had. Oh, plus there weren't any goddamned useless evangelical dipshit Jesus freaks on the Enterprise either.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Unless you count those goddamned useless evangelical hippie dipshits who were going to Eden, if you "reach," brother.

      Herbert! Herbert!

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      I'm a big fan of the happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working and otherwise embodied qualities of the American Family of the 1970s.

      White teabaggers of the Eagle Forum: suck it.

  41. OneDollarJuana

    Things keep going on like this and we're gonna see a sitcom where some rich blah family adopts an orphan white kid. Hilarity ensues.

    1. Negropolis

      It's funny, 'cause I've been waiting to see this for years. I want to see heads 'asplode. I wanna see Will & Jada or Jay & Beyonce go to Moldova or Romania or some shit and just totally empty out one of their orphanages, Brangelina style.

  42. Callyson

    Send those white people to that bookstore in Tennessee. Direct them to the Civil War section. Count the boom of Wonder Bread babies in approximately 9 months…

    1. gingerland62

      But he books are turned over or something now. They always work against their own self interest.

  43. a_pink_poodle

    The TV characters

    Okay stop right there, that's how I know someone can't tell the difference between television and reality.

  44. calliecallie

    One way to end racism is for everyone to be the same color. And that probably will be some lovely shade of brown. It's just a matter of time before Gingers are declared an endangered species.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      I went to all this trouble to get impregnated by a brown guy. If my kid ends up with my ginger genes, there is no hope for humanity.

  45. chascates

    If we're going to return to a TV-inspired America that never existed I'll take 'Davy Crockett' over Ozzie and Harriet.

    Shit, make it 'F Troop' instead.

  46. HistoriBarb

    Does this mean we're going to be more like Brazil? That's change we can believe in!

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Actually, with the Patriot Act, we're already a helluva lot like Brazil right now.

  47. Antispandex

    " The TV characters were happy, self-sufficient, autonomous, law-abiding, honorable, patriotic, hard-working,"

    …slept in seperate beds, didn't allow their women folk to work outside the home, never said the word pregnant, KNEW for a fact that women should only drive if there is no man around, didn't let colored folk in their house…

  48. anniegetyerfun

    Yes, it is a well-documented fact that Hispanic Catholics in the US are raging liberals who want nothing more than to get abortions and have too many babies.

  49. Negropolis

    Bwahahaha! Our plan is nearly complete, comrades!

    Uh-oh. I didn't use my inside voice. Drat!

    What's not being reported is that fertility rates are at historic lows across almost all racial and ethnic lines. I believe that only hispanic women have fertility rates above repacement, and then just barely, and black and white fertility rates are now almost identical.

  50. dopper0189

    Ha, seems American woman didn't want those trans vaginal ultra sounding Republicans up their Vajaya that much!

  51. Biel_ze_Bubba

    "The NY Times liberals seek to destroy the American family of the 1950s . . ."

    Those damned liberals, reporting facts again! What's with those NYT people, anyhow? It's them and their goddam fact fetish that's destroyin' America!

  52. joobajooba

    "representing a majority for the first time in the country’s history.” — And what does Sitting Bull have to say about that.?

  53. ttommyunger

    I posted a link to this article on fb just to fuck with the local cracker-asses.

Comments are closed.