needs more military options on the table

This ‘Punish That Cocksure Little Facebook Twerp’ Legislation Sounds Delightful

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Eww, fine, leaveUh oh, Chuck Schumer saw something in the papers the other day and is already legislating. What dumb caffeine product is it today? Gross candy alcohol caffeine or inhalable powder caffeine? Well look at that, it’s not even a funny consumer product at all — he’s going after Eduardo Saverin, the “good guy” from the Facebook movie who’s still so awful that he renounced his U.S. citizenship to live in tax- and regulation-free Singapore. Schumer, working with Bob Casey, didn’t quite name it the “Fuck That Awful Facebook Guy Act of 2012.” Instead, it’s the “Ex-Patriot Act,” which is still appropriately catty. This is a wonderful bill that will never pass!

Gold star for the day, you two! We need more bills picking on individual assholes who add no value to anything but somehow have several billion dollars:

Democratic Sens. Charles Schumer (N.Y.) and Bob Casey Jr. (Pa.) announced legislation on Thursday designed to punish people who renounce their citizenship in order to dodge taxes.

Their bill, the Ex-Patriot Act, is a direct response to Eduardo Saverin, the co-founder of Facebook, who renounced his U.S. citizenship last year.

“Eduardo Saverin wants to de-friend the United States of America just to avoid paying taxes. We aren’t going to let him get away with it,” Schumer said at a press conference Thursday where he announced new legislation.

The citizenship move will save Saverin, who was born in Brazil and now lives in Singapore, an estimated $67 million to $100 million in taxes. That amount could increase if Facebook’s stock price rises. […]

Under the bill, anyone who renounces their citizenship and has a net worth of $2 million or an average income tax liability of $148,000 over the last five years will be presumed to be trying to dodge taxes. The person can appeal that designation to the Internal Revenue Service.

But if the IRS determines a person gave up their passport for primarily tax reasons, all of the person’s U.S. assets will be taxed at 30 percent, double the usual rate of 15 percent.

Sponsored Intermission

As TPM pointed out yesterday, though, there’s already a law in the books that allows the DoJ to deny reentry to “former citizens who renounced citizenship to avoid taxation.” Schumer and Casey’s law beefs up the punishments. Saverin and his lawyers may not have known about all of this, or simply thought no one would make a fuss, because now the punk is scrambling to say this had nothing to do with taxation:

He professes ignorance about his taxes and refuses to discuss his finances. “This had nothing to do with taxes,” he insisted. “I was born in Brazil, I was an American citizen for about 10 years. I thought of myself as a global citizen.”

Jesus Christ. Why only double the tax rate on U.S. assets to this liar? The idea that a billionaire would renounce his U.S. citizenship and declare himself a proud Singaporean without even thinking about the tax implications is a joke. Every megarich individual and corporation in the United States keep private jets hidden in their headquarters to be used exclusively for that day when taxes go up half a percent on investment or profit and they all pop off to Singapore. Goldman Sachs has already decamped. The other big asshole in the news these days, JP Morgan Chase CEO and tiresome whiner Jamie Dimon, is — or was, before his bank lost $2 billion following his years of bitching about new, modest regulations — always playing the Singapore Card. Oh, you want collateral posted on massive derivative trades from now on? SINGAPORE wouldn’t make us do that… See, Singapore is a “thing” right now, among the rich. And this Facebook joker’s escape presents a golden opportunity to pass a “The next one of you to ‘Go Singapore’ gets his ass kicked” emergency act.

Then again, let them leave. Encourage them to leave. Let them keep all of their money. Anything to get rid of them.

[The Hill]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • MittsHairHelmet

    Forget the taxes. Ban him from America for that shirt. There's nothing douchier than a 20-something in a french blue/white collar pinstriped shirt.

    • actor212

      You could have stopped at "something"…

    • Tundra Grifter

      With a too-small collar and a poorly tied gangreen tie.

      That's one uglyass combination right there! You betcha!

      • actor212

        Well, he's got O'Keefe ears, perfect for skullfucking.

        • themcwow

          That's what I thought!

    • JerkCade

      Anybody who wears a white collar when the rest of their shirt is not white needs to rethink their life choices.

      • actor212



        Carry on…

    • Terry

      Ban him from accessing any internet resources located in the United States, perhaps. That would hurt him more.

      • chicken_thief

        Meh. All the good porn is uploaded overseas.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      No kidding, does anyone look good in those shirts?

      • sullivanst

        If by "good", you mean "like a total dick", then yes, all of them Katie.

    • Not_So_Much

      I believe that style is known as a "fuck you, I know it's hideous, but I'm rich" shirt.

    • An_Outhouse

      Right on. Plus he looks like a were wolf.

  • Schmannnity

    Ex post facto much Chuck?

    • sullivanst

      Also, attainder, too.

      • SorosBot

        Nah, a Bill of Attainder has to name someone specifically; laws that are inspired by one person but effect a general class are OK.

        • sullivanst

          I don't believe that's correct. Isn't the important feature that makes a bill a bill of attainder that it imposes a punishment on someone without judicial process?

          • actor212

            If it doesn't name him by name, no, not really. You can identify a class of people whose population is one, and that could be challenged in the courts, but on its face isn't illegal.

          • sullivanst

            I'm pretty damned sure you can't pass a bill saying "all people who normally reside at 12 Hahayourefucked St., New York, NY 11001 will go to jail for 12 months", nor even "all people who own Honda Civics with blue underbody lights must pay a public nuisance fine of $1,000".

    • Boojum

      I, for one, welcome our Bill of A Taint.

  • freakishlywrong

    Singapore Sting.

  • ChernobylSoup

    Did his eyebrow waxer sneeze?

    • MissTaken

      She probably went to the same beauty school as Bristol and Willow Palin.

      • Schmannnity


    • Tundra Grifter

      W1N !!!

    • larrykat

      My eyebrow looks just like that – in 1979 I slipped in my own vomit late at night in the bathroom of a hotel in Munich and would up smashing the toilet to bits with my face. It left me with a scar through my eyebrow that looks EXACTLY like that one. God I wish I was kidding.

  • actor212

    Errrr, yea, and so how you gonna collect, Chuckie baby?

    I mean, what, Singapore is gonna cane his ass until he writes a check?

    • Boojum

      Freeze his Facebook account?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Errrr, yea, and so how you gonna collect, Chuckie baby?

      Two words: Predator Drone

    • PuglyDoRight

      You can keep all of your monies as long as you don't spit on the sidewalk.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Yeah, well wait till he gets caught with weed and has to do 20 years in a Singapore jail.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Or he pees in an elevator. They had a rash of that a few years back.

      • actor212

        In fairness, with the scent of durian wafting about, it's an understandable mistake.

      • Dumbedup

        or more likely, gets caught diddling a little boy! No Bill o' Rights in Singapore buddy. No presumption of innocence, proof beyond a reasonable doubt, no jury, no nothin' yous' just fucked.

      • Designer_Rants

        Needz moar caning.

  • Gratuitous World

    Added Schumer, "we will 'poke' them with legislation unti their 'timeline' includes the appropriate payment of taxes."

    "Also, I'm going to check out the vacation pictures posted by one of my former interns."

  • SorosBot

    "Eduardo Saverin wants to de-friend the United States of America"

    Schumer should leave the joke-writing to the professionals; that wasn't exactly funny.

    • MissTaken

      Ugh, it was so unfunny I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a funny.

      • SorosBot

        No kidding.

    • actor212

      Don't poke the tiger

    • sullivanst

      Grading on the curve of the US Senate, though, it's hilarious.

    • freakishlywrong

      It'd be like your Jewish Granny saying it. "This de-friend" it sounds, I dunno, hostile? Maybe more like we're having a spat?"

    • Billmatic

      I bet a professional wrote that and then patted him or herself on the back. "Another genius speech," he or she would say, "Now I'm going to log in on to one of my many Facebook dummy accounts to 'like' everything I posted as Chuck Schumer, who barely understands what Facebook is."

  • MissTaken

    Isn't the smell of durian wafting about S'pore punishment enough?

  • gurukalehuru

    Go. Go with my blessing. Just remember to flush the toilet and wash your hands, don't chew gum and don't litter or they will cane your spoiled rich butt.

  • bikerlaureate

    America – love it or leave it more tax revenoos (but still at not quite the rate Warren Buffett's secretary pays).

    • sullivanst

      Income vs. assets. Discuss.

      • Boojum

        Assets leads to income is known as Buttsechs Economics.

        And, in this context, "assets" is singular, so fuck off, grammar Nazis.

  • actor212

    Saverin was a good coffee. Muy bueno!

    • nounverb911

      He seems more the "Chock Full'o Nuts" type.

  • freakishlywrong

    Ex-PatriotIC Act. Pay your taxes, deadbeat. Those college educations and internetz don't come free.

  • JustPixelz

    This is bad news for Mitt Romney.

  • Lucidamente1

    Needs moar bill of attainder.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Le Doucheburger is douchie, indeed. I say good riddance.

  • DaRooster

    “Eduardo Saverin wants to de-friend the United States of America just to avoid paying taxes."

    Yes, I am sure it has nothing to do with how fucked this place has become and the drain it is circling.

    • Arken

      Not when you're as rich as him.

    • Negropolis

      Whatever. It obviously wasnt' fucked enough, 'cause he used the nation to build a fortune and then bailed on the bill. Fuck 'im, the leech.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Jesus, he dresses like he's new at it.

    • actor212

      At what? Puberty?

    • Naked_Bunny

      First you make the money, then you stop wearing clothes in public.

  • actor212

    Every megarich individual and corporation in the United States keep private jets hidden in their headquarters to be used exclusively for that day when taxes go up half a percent on investment or profit and they all pop off to Singapore.

    Sea turtles, mate

    • Jim Newell

      You were not supposed to know about the sea turtles. Watch your back from now on.

      • actor212

        It's OK. I'm Illuminati.

  • freakishlywrong

    One wonders what the law will be named when I flee the hellscape wingnut dystopia with my hundreds?

    • Dumbedup

      "welcome to Mexico" law.

  • SoBeach

    The right is all "Hell yeah!" over these stories of people who make a bundle in the US then skip out to avoid paying taxes. As if the tax burden in this country isn't historically low. As if the rest of us aren't going to have to make up for the taxes these cheats don't pay. As if nobody owes anything to the country that gave them the opportunity to become rich. Atlas shrugged. Jesus wept.

    • lizunyan

      I saw that on facebook the other day, Tom Sullivan asked if he was a total dirtbag or a "tax hero" and all the comments were in favor of "tax hero" and i spent the next hour kneading my forehead and whispering why

  • elburritodeluxe

    The worst thing about this story is that it gives journalists the opportunity to show how hip and with it they are by putting 'defriend' in their articles! Just like the Facebooks!

    Plus he's not leaving the U.S. because of the taxes. He says it is because of all the awesome Singaporean tail, son!

  • DerrickWildcat

    I do not recognize this guy. What other movies has he been in.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      The soon to be released
      Saverin Does Singapore

    • fuflans

      spiderman, the unfortunate years.

    • natoslug

      The Life and Times of Mittens Romney. Although I hear he was a pale imitation of the real Romney.

  • bumfug

    If Savarin had only done it the regular American way and avoided his taxes while pretending to love the country he'd be just fine.

  • Arken

    “I was born in Brazil, I was an American citizen for about 10 years. I thought of myself as a global citizen.”

    So he's going to be like the guy Tom Hanks played in that movie where he's trapped in an airport?

  • ManchuCandidate

    Weasels be Weaselling.

  • BornInATrailer

    So that isn't a publicity shot for the Dark Shadows movie?

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      I swear to Jesus I thought it was Johnny Depp, too… but moved on because Johnny needs some heat to back off him and that shitty, shitty movie.

  • Chichikovovich

    Every time I go to Brazil I'm reminded that the people who live there are the most attractive, compellingly sexy, stylish people I've ever seen.

    Apparently that's why this guy left.

  • nounverb911

    I've lived in Singapore, the most exciting there was watching paint dry.

    • BelleSC

      I kind of liked it although I was there only for a visit. With a couple of billion bucks I believe I could find at least the Marina Bay area interesting.

  • Fox n Fiends

    How about a simple law that says if you make a dollar of profit in the USA you pay taxes on it? You can live in Antarctica if you want, but you're paying taxes.

    • actor212

      Would, but can't. There are treaties…

      • Naked_Bunny

        Treaties are so pre-9/11.

  • ChilLysol

    I believe this is the Tax Cut Republicans were looking for. Too bad no other country on earth will take them.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      He'll be doing a TED Talk.

    • actor212

      Hey, the man went Galt! I give him credit for doing that much.

  • James Michael Curley

    Is that the Face that Booked a thousand Singapore lap dances?

  • el_donaldo

    Did you ever wonder why Starfleet would let the crew of the Enterprise take it wherever just to satisfy some personal whim of the captain?

    The Senate these days is kind of like that. Some daily news-cycle outrage up your butt, Senator? Let's take the Senate for a spin, shall we?

    • Terry

      I figured that the Star Fleet hierarchy didn't want Kirk talking about the times they went out partying with them. It's just easier to let him take the ship where he will.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Naturally, some conservatard media are fapping furiously over Saverin's ripcording. Within this article, you may read the following boochit:

    To put it simply, unconsumed savings don’t traditionally lie dormant under a mattress, rather the savings are lent to or invested in today’s and tomorrow’s entrepreneurs. In short, Saverin’s avoidance of the tax man means that his Facebook profits will reach future entrepreneurs as opposed to being wasted by the political class.

    Of course, I add "Yes, his vast kajillions will be kept in Singapore banks, for use by Singaporean venture capitalists and risk takers, because duh." Sin-ga-pore! Sin-ga-pore! Sin-ga-pore!

    • actor212

      And of course, with taxes on the rich at their lowest since Hoover we've got bang-whiz-zoom job growth…

      Saverin's buying hookers and blow, who we kidding?

    • Dumbedup

      invested in gold toilets and Ukranian whores, big whoop!

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™


        Needs moar lap giraffes.

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Seal team 6, Schumer on the line, says he wants a Brazilian cut.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Now, if we would only do this to all the douches who make millions of dollars in the US, but dodge taxes because it is "Capital Gains" and not "Income."

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    I'd renounce my US citizenship and get my butt to a country as far away from Repugnuts as possible. That is, if I could afford to.

  • Callyson

    I thought of myself as a global tax dodger


  • Callyson

    Didn't Singapore cane someone once for a fairly minor offense? Oh yeah:

    Go for it, Singapore!

    • Naked_Bunny

      Yeah, but that offense wasn't "bringing a shit ton of money into the country".

  • Wile E. Quixote
  • Steverino247

    Since Bill Holden and Jack Hawkins are dead, nobody's going to save this punk when the Japanese capture Singapore and make him build railroads in the jungle. He'll be sorry then.

    Be happy in your work, motherfucker.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    I just hope he doesn't have a chewing gum habit. That's a no-no in Singapore.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Swallow, don't spit.

      • SorosBot

        I'd leave that decision to whoever is giving the blowjob…

    • DashBarb Buddha

      Beat me to it. I hope he doesn't know about the law though…it would be fun to watch him caned.

    • doloras

      A guy I met from Singapore says that people just cross the river into Malaysia to get their gum fix.

    • Negropolis

      Hell, they'll cane you for sneezing out of the wrong side of your mouth.

  • SayItWithWookies

    But if the IRS determines a person gave up their passport for primarily tax reasons, all of the person’s U.S. assets will be taxed at 30 percent, double the usual rate of 15 percent.

    Still lower than the top marginal income tax rate — thus this penalty should keep exactly zero people from doing what Saverin did. On the other hand, Grover Norquist and his army of obedient tax-opposers are going to look like morons when they vote against it, which is probably more the point.

  • BritinSeattle

    Thank goodness I never 'friended' the US in the first place.

  • SorosBot

    Is it just me or is anyone else finding it impossible to comment on the next post?

    • MissTaken

      Me too. And I sad because I was gonna say something about Ben Franklin being pissed that someone else invented abortion when he tried to so hard to do it himself. Why else do you think he made his son stand around with a kite during a lightening storm?

      • SorosBot

        See, that was funny; everyone's being deprived of your wit there. And hm, you're the other commenter getting effected; maybe the problem is sexually transmitted.

    • Naked_Bunny

      Now you know how it feels to be an aborted fetus.

  • HistoriBarb

    So does this law apply to just people or also corporations-are-people-too-my-friends people? Because if a corporation high-tails it out of the country, I would be OK with hitting them heavy with the tax stick.

    Fuck you Goldman Sachs – fuck you very much.

  • Naked_Bunny

    The best way to make sure your legislation passes Constitutional muster is to explicitly mention that you're targeting an individual with it.

  • Exhausted66

    This story is the very reason they never came up with the Unlike Button.

  • PubOption

    Of course, banks never lose money on speculative trading in Singapore.
    Dimon take note.

  • fuflans

    how did andrew garfield get cast as this guy?

    no, really.

  • DahBoner

    It's a free country: if you don't like having a nigra president, get the hell out, asshole…

  • Wilcoxyz

    I thought rich people were job creators who took all their monies and made investments to create jobs. Or, tried to hide the money in Singapore or Switzerland if that was an easier way to just keep it instead.

  • glamourdammerung

    So, would suggesting a stance of getting the whiners to leave to Singapore, then liberating the shit out of Singapore, then classifying all former Americans in Singapore as "enemy combatants" be catty?

  • Guppy

    As TPM pointed out yesterday, though, there’s already a law in the books that allows the DoJ to deny reentry to “former citizens who renounced citizenship to avoid taxation.”

    As I recently researched this to try to win an internet debate (hey, it's one of my cheaper vices), I can tell you that it seems this bit is unenforceable, as it requires the DoJ (admit to) having carte blanche access to IRS records without a warrant.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Why does everyone assume it's about taxes? Maybe he's doing it for the cheap, under-aged hookers. Or would that be Thailand?

    • Wilcoxyz

      All of them, Katie.

  • HolyCow!!

    Off-shoring your corporate headquarters to a PO box in Jamaica to avoid US taxes will still be perfectly fine.

  • ElPinche

    Pin stripes and cross diagonals ? Puke green on blue? I guess mom didn't dress him that day.

  • valthemus

    Yes, it's a tax… but it's a tax on disloyal ex-Americans. Will right-wingers literally rip themselves in two over this? Can I watch?

  • Ayn Rand Paul Tard

    Sea salt, baked bag of poison rat dicks, anyone?

  • Negropolis

    I bet this dude doesn't pay for his other hookers, either.

    So, since you're a "citizen of the world" when are you going to renounce your Brazilian citizenship? What's that, you aren't?


  • ttommyunger

    Hat to seem shallow, but just based on appearance, I'd have to say America's better for it.