WORDS WITH FRIENDS  2:30 pm May 17, 2012

D.C. Discussing How Abortion Causes Fetal Pain, No One Smart Invited Except Ghosts Of The Founding Fathers

by Liz Colville

the imagination on this one

Thursday, 4PM, is the time that four or so random people will gather in D.C. for a House Judiciary Committee hearing to determine whether there’s any validity to the claim that abortion after 20 weeks causes pain to the fetus, the basis of a nice bill called H.B. 3803 that would ban abortion after 20 weeks in D.C. The hearing was orchestrated by a man in a very far away, very particular state, Arizona, named Trent Franks, who is, recall, Obama’s biggest fan and also a lover of zygotes and the author or co-author of some of the most super creative insane anti-abortion bills ever. So far, the people showing up to this hearing include a female obgyn who teaches at Northwestern, a male professor from West Virginia University, and a male obgyn. Oh, and some woman who teaches writing in D.C.? Huh? Franks’ idea is to get H.B. 3803 funneled quickly on to the Supreme Court, bien sur, and so he has politely declined to invite people who might present arguments from the other side, like Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton, who represents D.C. and thus the women who would be affected by this bill, if it passed. Anyway, this must happen! Because the founding fathers are apparently rolling in their graves! They are also very disappointed about other developments that have occurred since their deaths, including antibiotics, NASA, television and the iPhone.

Via RH Reality Check, we have this lovely letter from National Right to Life written to Congress regarding H.B. 3803. These sweet “experts” tell Congress that fetii are allowed to die “terribly painful deaths” and Congress needs to act.

…what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies are legally being put to death, in terrible pain, virtually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House?

No need to tone down the histrionics! And the location-based argument is excellent, we really believe you when you say doing this in D.C. has nothing to do with making it potentially easier to overturn Roe V. Wade!

Anyway, this is happening in one hour and a half! But you probably can’t tune in because it is a private secret friend thing, shhhh. [RH Reality Check]

 
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{ 76 comments }

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

He's got a coat hanger scar on his lip.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

That's probably just salad tong marks from where his dad would carry him to his mom once she was drunk enough to breast feed him.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Here, I will help with the deleted comment. It said:
"and forceps marks on his forehead"
There, now my reply doesn't look like I am talking to myself.

James Michael Curley May 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

I think I went through the time warp again.

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Well. I'm out. Hairlip? Therelip.

Lascauxcaveman May 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Ha! So it's personal.

Really, it makes sense that most of these rightards are the results of botched abortions.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Here, I will help with the deleted (aborted) missing comments:

Someone said: and he's got forceps marks on his forehead.
and then I replied:
No, those are salad tong marks from where his dad would carry him to his mom once she was drunk enough to breast feed him.

Rosie_Scenario May 17, 2012 at 4:18 pm

"What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed." Alexander Pope (if not the other kind of Pope) would love you, Barb.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 9:37 pm

Thanks Rosie!

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 2:34 pm

"what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies are legally being put to death, in terrible pain,? "

Probably the same thing they'd say about waterboarding and Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib and all that shit.

smitallica May 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Well, considering they didn't mention abortion at all in the Constitution they wrote, they probably wouldn't give a fuck.

BornInATrailer May 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Well, the first thing they'd probably ask is "Are they white babies or black babies?"

OH SNAP! Perspective!

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Under the 3/5th rule, the blahs could be aborted at 26 weeks or so, amirite?

noodlesalad May 17, 2012 at 2:35 pm

I think the Framers of the Constitution would probably have a few more concerns about what is going on in Washington DC than worrying about family planning. Where are all the slaves, for example? And why are women running around in pants?

BornInATrailer May 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Franklin would see the current fashion and immediately be out on a wine-fueled split-tail hunt.

Jefferson would be at a Gentlemen's Club in a more.. urban section of town.

doloras May 17, 2012 at 7:40 pm

"We hath emancipated the WHOM now?!?"

nounverb911 May 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

HAHA White babies are the minority now!

elburritodeluxe May 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

If they were alive today the Founding Fathers would scream: "Oh my God! My decomposing flesh hurts so much! Must eat brains!"

Baconzgood May 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I was thinking "HELP GET ME OUTTA THIS BOX I CAN'T BREATH IN HERE" But yours is better.

ManchuCandidate May 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Smart people ruin everything. Saying things like don't deregulate banks or don't invade Iraq or thinking that shooting people in the face is a bad idea. US America wasn't built on Smart ideas. It was built on gumption and pioneer stickutiviness… and slaves, but it wasn't good ideas!

fartknocker May 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Anyone in the U.S. House or Senate who represents the State of Arizona should be automatically categorized as bat shit crazy, gun-loving, and woman-hating whose legislation has no real purpose other than to pander to some special interest or its PAC.

Gabby Gifford was an effective, smart legislator and I do miss her.

Lucidamente1 May 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Fetuses are people, my friend.

DerrickWildcat May 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

"Keep Abortion, rare, safe and legal"
Thomas Jefferson.

SnarkoMarx May 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

I've said it before and I'll say it again. John Cusack has really let himself go.

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I thought that was Stacy Keach's pussy little brother.

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 2:38 pm

Arizona you say?

Baconzgood May 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Nice lazy eye bub.

littlebigdaddy May 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm

I wonder if he'll change his tune when he finds out that the fastest growing ethnic category of babies born is Messicans?

sharethegrief May 17, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Franks next meeting will determine if 20 week old fetuses feel pain 2 weeks before they're conceived.

FakaktaSouth May 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

…what would the Framers of our Constitution say

From everything I've read about Ben Franklin, he'd be all, "Wow, this is incredibly useful technology. Well done!" He's always been one of my personal faves, of course.

FlownOver May 18, 2012 at 10:13 am

Echoes of early Firesign:

"Benjamin Franklin… the only President of the United States who was never President of the United States"

CrunchyKnee May 17, 2012 at 2:45 pm

"what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today…"

Probably, "damn, it stinks up in this bitch."

SayItWithWookies May 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Our Founding Fathers would be horrified that women were getting abortions without the consent of their husbands, fathers or owners. Then going and voting.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

It was only 3/5th of a baby anyway.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:08 am

Hell, they would be surprised that women are outdoors without the consent of their male guardians. They'd then look at Obama and surmise that a slave revolt had taken place and that we were now "New Haiti."

finallyhappy May 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

well, we have a pretty good clinic about 5 blocks from the Metro here in Silver Spring.

Gratuitous World May 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Founding Fathers would be horrified some perfectly good slaves have been aborted.

Baconzgood May 17, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Howz comez it's the dudes that look like that a woman would NEVER fuck them are the guys that get all freaky about what women do with thier V-Jammers.

RavenRant May 17, 2012 at 3:55 pm

V-jammers is much better than va-jay-jay. It sounds like a race car or motorcross vehicle or whatnot.

fuflans May 17, 2012 at 2:48 pm

hahahaha republican worried about causing pain.

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 2:49 pm

The founding fathers would probably say to the congressmen, "Where the fuck are your powdered wigs?"

DaRooster May 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

"…well-developed unborn babies are legally being put to death, in terrible pain…"

More pain than let's see…
A wrongfully accused death row inmate?
A kid with skittles and a hoodie?
An unwanted child that's parents hate, lock up and stave to death?
A kid who has nothing to eat and no health care… because you know, WAR, FREEDOM &TAX CUTS!!

Mumbletypeg May 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

I don't know what George Washington's take would be on this simpleturd. But if George Allen is still looking for some soft teeth to kick down a whiny throat he's found his man.

CrunchyKnee May 17, 2012 at 2:51 pm

"what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today…"

Or maybe, "an octoroon as president! Fetch me my smelling salts and the services of a comely lass, or I shall be overcome with the vapors!"

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 3:46 pm

or possibly "Porn on the focking internetz, you say?! 'Tis great to be alive once again!!"

doloras May 17, 2012 at 7:42 pm

Octoroon, nothin', Hopey's a half-caste or mulatto and proud of it.

Baconzgood May 17, 2012 at 2:56 pm
Exhausted66 May 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Next Bill: Do innocent Texans feel pain in the electric chair?

weejee May 17, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Should we ask Carlos DeLuna or Jizztice Scalia?

MissNancyPriss May 17, 2012 at 6:03 pm

the what now?

ChrisM2011 May 17, 2012 at 2:59 pm

He looks like a sad Rob McElhenney from the future.

Billmatic May 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I love Rep Norton for one reason and one reason alone, that she plays against Stephen Colbert's schtick and also insists on calling him ColberT.

StarsUponThars May 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

"I love children … if they're cooked properly." — W.C. Fields

boobookitteh May 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Psst. Abortion has been around for thousands of years.

In fact for most of history, people practiced 4th trimester abortions for unwanted childrenby leaving them to the elememts. Shall we go back to that?

Nostrildamus May 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

They'd say "why is some guy from provincial Mexico in congress?"

YouBetcha May 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm

There is no war against women. There is no war against women.

fuflans May 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Supremist Feminist plot.

weejee May 17, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Clearly Congress has surpassed the bovine set in global warming flatulence.

randcoolcatdaddy May 17, 2012 at 3:14 pm

"What would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies are legally being put to death, in terrible pain, virtually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House?"

How wonderfully convenient! Please, dear sir, tell me more about this Abortionplex – do they avail their services to gentlemen with slaves by any chance? And this small blue round medication that gentlemen keep discussing at the tavern…

DahBoner May 17, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And Republican fetus masturbation creates jobs….but how????

NOBODY KNOWS OR CARES.

ingloriousbytch May 17, 2012 at 3:22 pm

I'm pretty sure the Founders would be too busy asking how that mulatto slave boy ended up President.

Except for Jefferson. He'd be desperately trying to get Malia in the sack.

Karma_Suture May 17, 2012 at 3:31 pm

So.. upon extensive research (2m45s)
http://www.bible.com/bibleanswers_result.php?id=2

I found out that the only thing the xtians can come up with on abortion as per their babble is the commandment "Thou shall not kill".
And if someone punches a pregnant woman in the tummy and hurts the babby, the husband gets to kick the shit out of him. Other than that, nada.

So why aren't these assholes trying to get a law passed that forbids the killing of innocent women and children in oh… let's say, Afghanistan, Iraq, Packipakistanistan et.al.?

What about tazing a pregnant woman?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies are legally being put to death, in terrible pain, virtually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House?

And everyone knows the best abortion clinics are actually located in the basement arcade of the Supreme Court.

As to the founders, I'm sure Jefferson wishes there were better clinics around when he knocked up his slaves. Could have saved himself a ton of embarrassment.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

Isn't zygote loving the ultimate in pedophilia?

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 17, 2012 at 3:38 pm

what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies black people are legally being put to death walking around , in terrible pain free, virtually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House?

Fixed.

glamourdammerung May 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

What is wrong with that guy? Seriously, look at his face.

Terry May 17, 2012 at 3:41 pm

"virtually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House"

The only hospital related things in any particular proximity to the Capitol and White House are lobbying organizations.

If you had an abortion at GW's hospital, you'd be doing it in the shadow of the State Department. Others, the shadow of a lot of houses and row houses.

elgin_pelican May 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

Frankin: "Who are all those lame-ass white boys in that pointy-topped building?"

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 3:53 pm

I saw the very nice lady who represents DC on the tvz last night. She was a bit pissed that she was locked out of all the discussions regarding proposed legislation for her district and said something like "we here in DC know how to take care of each other."

Which I took to mean: Trent Franks is going to have a shit ton of parking/speeding/dui tickets here in the near future. At least, that's what I hoped she meant.

Fuck Trent Franks. Let him make up shit for AZ.

bikerlaureate May 17, 2012 at 4:11 pm

Hypothetical appeals to horrified ancestors are a sure sign of credibility.

fitley May 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm

Shut up Trent "Wood Eye" Franks.

valthemus May 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm

As long as everyone who testifies remembers to say, "… but we shouldn't let this abortion business distract us from Republican efforts to transfer all of our nation's wealth to the richest .1 percent of the population," it'll be okay.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:02 am

"…what would the Framers of our Constitution say if they returned today and learned, to their horror, that well-developed unborn babies fully-developed adult slaves are legally being put to death to forced labour, in terrible pain, virtually actually within the shadow of the U.S. Capitol and the White House they helped build?"

They wouldn't care

/fixed

jzgplj May 18, 2012 at 9:40 am

The only pain there is is listening to this idiot.

ttommyunger May 18, 2012 at 5:20 pm

Would I? Hare-lip!!! You'll have to be an "old" to get the reference…

Tricky_Dick May 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm

What the F…k is up with his face? Geez, someone take this fugly bastard to a plastic surgeon. I wont listen to anyone thats this ugly.

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