this guy

George W. Bush Writing Alternate History Sci-Fi Book Where He Knows How To Run A Country

America clamors for a sequelWay back when your Comics Curmudgeon went to D.C. to make sure George W. Bush wasn’t going to pull off a coup at the last second, he would have never believed that he’d ever say anything nice about the dude, but here we are three years later and here’s something nice: George W. Bush has, for the most part, had the good grace to go away. Cheney’s only being kept alive by elaborate machinery, and yet he still demands to be wheeled out now and again so he can sneer ominously about something, but George W. Bush, he’s mostly been hanging out on the couch of his exurban McMansion, catching up on all the shows he Tivo’d during his presidency. Well, not really, because he watched TV six hours a night when he was president and probably doesn’t know how to operate a Tivo, but the important part is that he wasn’t all up in our grill, reminding us why we hate him. That winning streak ends today with the announcement that “he’s” working on a new book (or maybe he’s “working” on a new book?) about how to encourage economic growth, which HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, hold on a minute, we just have to HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ok let’s nope HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

We are actually kind of angry at the New York Times for only spending a single sentence on the most hilarious bit of political comedy to come down the pike in years:

Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth.

But we presume this article has been carefully placed by George W. Bush’s publicist (and there’s a fun job) with the intention of “building buzz” for the new book, which will presumably explain carefully how cutting the capital gains tax is the cure for America’s ills and that Bush’s biggest mistake was not making his tax cuts permanent, etc. Maybe he could get his buddy Bill Clinton to co-write a chapter on how massive banking deregulation can only result in good things for the financial system! Also, look for the parts where Bush explains how it’s actually a great that his terms in office saw anemic job growth followed by a spectacular economic cratering.

That fun’s all in the future though, and we very much look forward to seeing more details leak out about the book and then finally getting our Wonkette World O’ Books review copy, which we will read carefully or maybe just burn for heat in our hobo camp. Meanwhile, the rest of the Times article except for that sentence is really about Bush trying to convince both Obama and Romney to take his advice on foreign policy matters, which HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. [NYT]

About the author

Josh was born and raised in Buffalo, New York, leaving him with a love of chicken wings and a tendency to say “pop”. He taught ancient Greek and Roman history to undergraduates before fleeing from academia in terror; worked for a failed San Francisco dot-com that neglected to supply him with stock options or an Aeron chair; lived in Berlin, where he mostly ate Indian and Ethiopian food; finished in third place on his sole Jeopardy! appearance (the correct answer was “Golda Meir”); and was named 2007 Blogger of the Year by The Week, for obvious reasons. Josh is the creator/editor of COMICS CURMUDGEON (which you should read) and does geeky editing and writing about geeky things such as "the Java programming industry for JavaWorld." He lives in Baltimore with his wife Amber and his cat Hoagie.

View all articles by Josh Fruhlinger

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Reginald_Perrin

    Bush is an expert on running a country into the ground.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    Bush on the economy, eh?
    A Million Little Pieces?

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Great title, but Oprah needs to publicly humiliate him also, too.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      The Pet Ghost

  • BornInATrailer

    This is the presidential equivalent of a special needs child handing you macaroni artwork.

    • anniegetyerfun

      "Oh, so pretty! I'm going to hang this right up on the refrigerator, Georgie!"

  • nounverb911

    The book is being published by DC Comics?

    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      Bush always appreciated Nixon's fourth term in The Watchmen.

  • SorosBot

    Next he'll write a book on how to gracefully end a war with minimal loss of life.

    • nounverb911

      Step 1: Evade the draft.
      Step 2: Let someone else's son die.

      • anniegetyerfun

        Step 3: ?
        Step 4: Profit!

        • nounverb911

          Step 3: Outsource war to Halliburton.

        • Lionel[redacted]Esq

          For once, we know what Step 3 is:

          Step 3: Get Cheney to do it.

        • Nostrildamus

          Step 5: Eat pretzel
          Step 6: ☠

    • Tundra Grifter

      I was going with "Winning Wars for Dummies."

    • sullivanst

      1. Invade
      2. Declare victory
      3. Pretend everyone isn't dying
      4. Everyone's dead, the end.

    • Isyaignert

      Step 8: How to kill your nemesis.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Two months from now? Perhaps this is part of the GOP's plan to have Dubya stand at the Tampa convention door and hand out books no one will read as a means of insuring that he doesn't take the stage.

    • nounverb911

      Tampa in August? Is it too early to pray for a hurricane?

      • GeorgiaBurning

        Climate change may have its good points

      • PlanetWingNut

        Have Rick Perry pray for Rain in Texas…that will make sure Florida gets hit instead.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Wha? Ya mean the RNC don't want Dumbya to remind Americans that he existed?

      "Hey! Remember MEEE?" ~Dumbya

    • YasserArraFeck

      Getting him warmed up for his next gig: "Welcome to Walmart!"

  • MissTaken

    Chapter 1 Tax Cuts

    Chapter 2 Tax Cuts

    Chapter 3 Decidering

    Epilogue

    • Nostrildamus

      NEEDZ MOAR FLIGHTSUIT CODPIECE !!?!!!111!

      • MissTaken

        WUT U THINK EPILADY IS BOUT?/?/

    • Callyson

      Chapter 4 Get Rid of Pesky Environmental and Labor Regulations

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      What, no "'Fool Me Once' Explained", no "How To Open Doors In Foreign Countries"?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        This buke about economy. That the Furren Lations buke.

  • sullivanst

    Bush could do a very brief, effective book on how to grow an economy. It'd go something like this:

    Whatever I did as President, do the opposite.

    The End.

    • fuflans

      a haiku!

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        deregulation
        tax cuts for the very rich
        nothing could go wrong

  • ChernobylSoup

    The chapter on trading your cow for a handful of magic beans doesn't seem all that original to me.

  • nounverb911

    "a book outlining strategies for economic growth."
    In China?

    • OneYieldRegular

      Probably. I think a far, far better argument can be made for Bush as an agent of China than can be made for Obama as a Muslin-Kenyan-Indonesian demon seed.

  • Barb

    They should put Bush's "knows how to run a country" book right next to Octomom's "parenting tips" book.

    • FNMA

      Or a special edition of Joy of Cooking edited by Jeffrey Dahmer.

    • SorosBot

      Or Chris Christie's dieting book.

      • YasserArraFeck

        "Governor, what did you do with your book? – it was here a minute ago…."

        "burp….."

    • MissTaken

      Or Dick Cheney's Poems of Peace, Love, and Understanding.

    • Fairtackle

      Tanning mom's beauty tips?

      • SorosBot

        With a forward by Jan Brewer.

    • Generation[redacted]

      Building a Sustainable Community, by Jim Jones

      • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

        Chapter 1: Kool-Aid

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      Effective Usage of Modern Media by Chk Grsly

  • Blueb4sunrise

    Economy: Selling My Pet Goat

    Foreign Policy: Invading My Pet Goat.

    • flamingpdog

      Domestic Policy: Ass-Fucking My Pet Goat.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        SKULL LIBEL!

    • Exhausted66

      Emergency Response Policy: Reading My Pet Goat.

      • Blueb4sunrise

        Part 2: Drowning My Pet Goat.

    • YasserArraFeck

      Making My Pet Goat FEMA Director
      "Heck of a job, Billy!"

  • Chichikovovich

    It has to be admitted that economic growth was spectacular during the Bush years.

    China's, that is.

  • prommie

    Who can think of any of this shit now, with Donna Summer dead? Man, I hated disco at the time, but it makes me smile when I hear it now, it was way better than this new "music" which consists of macho posturing chants which demean women. Hot Stuff was hot stuff.

    • StarsUponThars
    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      it was way better than this new "music" which consists of macho posturing chants which demean women.

      Are the kids getting on your lawn, Prommie?

      • Fare la Volpe

        In his day gas cost a nickel, I tells ya.

        • prommie

          It was a sad day when the price rose over 50 cents a gallon, Fare, a sad sad day. My 1972 Gran Torino got 11 miles per gallon.

          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Say, is that an onion on your belt or are you happy to see me?

        • prommie

          And they used to give away glassware and steak knives at the gas station, too

          • Isyaignert

            And they'd pump your gas for you, clean your windshield, and check your fluids and tires.

            My first job out of high school was working at a gas station during the Arab Oil Embargo of 1973-74. Our gas pumps only went up to 49.9 cents so we had to sell it by the half gallon when the price got over 50 cents. I couldn't believe how many people thought we were trying to rip them off.

        • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

          In those days the nickel had a picture of a bee on it. Give me five bees for a quarter, we'd say.

    • FakaktaSouth

      Oh noes. You just told me a sad thing I did not know. 63, yikes. Sad news for a Pervy Thursday.

      Wanna share my love with a warm blooded lover
      Wanna bring a wild man back home

      Gotta have some hot love, baby, this evenin'
      I need some hot stuff, baby, tonight
      I want some hot stuff, baby, this evenin'

      Gonna have some lovin' Got to have a love tonight

      • prommie

        And this just made me remember a dead ex. Saddy sad sad. I just found a video of her with the googles, she was a performer of a sort, but seeing that youtube was wierd. I wonder if anyone else in the world is remembering that she ever lived, right this moment.

    • Barb

      Hey Prommie! I just listened to her cover of Manilow's "Could It Be Magic" and I liked it!

      • prommie

        She taught a generation of chicks how to pretend to orgasm, what a legacy!

    • fuflans

      this is very sad.

      i have loved the very trashiest of pop music and disco certainly qualifies. though i have ALSO heard musical types discuss it with some gravitas.

      who's next? abba?

      • Barb

        If no one hears ABBA's "SOS" yes, they are next.

        • prommie

          I hope they never meet their Waterloo.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I have "State of Independence" playing loudly in my office right now. The looks I've had from people passing by the door…

  • freakishlywrong

    Wasn't this ass boil just convicted of war crimes in Malaysia or something? Don't go away pissy, Dubya, just go away. And take your ilk with you.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    "How to Succeed At Anything Without Really Trying But Using Daddy's Money, Connections and Wealthy Arabicy Friends."

    • ElPinche

      Haha! And Manchu puts the cherry on top of this most hilarious post.

  • fartknocker

    Will the former El Jeffe Senior Goat Fuck have Bernie Madoff and Jack Ambramhoff write the introduction? Rachel Maddow (I do love that woman) had some very pretty graphs last night illustrating Georgie's lack of economic understanding.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Does it come with crayons or are those sold separately?

  • StarsUponThars

    Thank you Josh for my first bust-out laugh off the day. I needed that.

  • bflrtsplk

    The “book“ will come with a complete set of 64 Crayolas for filling in the numerous pie charts and bar graphs showing us that up is down, square is round, in your favorite color schemes.

  • http://wonkette.com ChilLysol

    My Pet Goat 2?

    • BornInATrailer

      In it he butchers his pet goat so he can make goat food and a goat blanket for his pet goat. Hasn't finished the last chapter yet.

  • niblick77

    He is going to talk about running a lemonade stand as a child not knowing that mom and pop spend twice what he took in for the lemons and 5 lbs of sugar to make it go down easy.

  • Baconzgood

    It's all pictures of LOL Kittens, and Katy Perry lyrics.

  • bumfug

    This book is coming out the same week as Phil Spector's gun safety manual.

  • flamingpdog

    I guess the doctors could only keep him in a near-death coma for so long …

    WAIT, he spent 2001-2009 in a near-death coma!! What phailed???

  • Pragmatist2

    Give the man credit. Very few people can write a book but not read one.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Unless that book comes with another $300 check, I'm not buying it.

  • LibertyLover

    Just enough time to remind people in the USA what a great job he did as prez. Mitt Romney's gonna give him a big wet one for doing that… or maybe Mitt will take a pair of scissors to Bush's Hair.

  • mavenmaven

    I remember Richard Nixon, and W is no Richard Nixon.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    I hope he goes on an international book tour–he was already indicted in Spain for crimes against humanity.

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      and Malaysia.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    Perfect. We were planning a good bonfire in July already. Now I don't need to stock up so many pallets.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Working Title: "Obama's Next 100 Campaign Commercials"

  • SudsMcKenzie

    I thought he was just bending over and picking up Barneys poop these days, you know something he's good at.

    • LetUsBray

      I'd about bet money he's a complete failure at that, too.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Little known fact. This book started out as Twilight fan fiction.

    • BornInATrailer

      Fifty Shades of Dumb, soon to be referred to as Teabilly Porn.

  • flamingpdog

    I'm gonna go buy another copy of Benincasa's book instead. It has as many valuable prescriptions for improving the American economy as I'm sure Dubya's will.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Normal Wonkette Liberal Bias. Bush was more than just Tax Cuts. Oil revenues skyrocketed during his presidency, as did employment by secretive paramilitary security forces. Hell, torturers and torture supplies and equipment went from a small little mom and pop industry catering to the local S&M freak to one of our leading industries.

    How dare you ignore such fine work.

    • mrpuma2u

      Don't forget his cutting edge abstinence only sex-ed programs!

  • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

    Can't wait 'til he goes on the Jon Stewart show to promote his "book."

    • Fare la Volpe

      "Ye kin color in it too!"

  • proudgrampa

    Are you kidding me?

  • JustPixelz

    "… [Dubya's] strategies for economic growth."

    I'm sure they're every bit as good as his strategies for fighting al Queda in Iraq. Or his bin Laden strategy. Or his pretzel eating technique.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    with forward by: Jar Fetus

    • Isyaignert

      Not to be prissy, but I believe Babs used Tupperware. No chit.

  • Fare la Volpe

    We really should read this when it comes out.

    I hear George makes a very modest proposal.

  • SayItWithWookies

    This man really does think he's some sort of genius, doesn't he? It's like there's no problem he can't solve with his special blend of ignorance and malevolent neglect.

  • MissTaken

    G.W. Bush – I'm A Ex-President and So Can You!

    • fuflans

      our dumb century.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Anybody keeping track of how many useless books will be hawked during the GOP convention? I should say useless unless you have a fireplace.

    • Isyaignert

      That's the only way those RepubliCON screeds get on the NYT bestseller list. The "think" tanks like The Heritage Foundation buy cases of them to give away to their rubes for further indoctrination. No chit.

  • johnnymeatworth

    Do his strategies for economic growth include "Don't elect me?"

  • Callyson

    Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth.

    So we'll read it, do the exact opposite of what it suggests, and all will be fine…

  • MissTaken

    For people who don't read the GOP really does 'write' a lot of books.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Having read five or six of these tomes (I get them from the library for SOCIALISM) I have made a not-particularly surprising discovery:

      They're all the same book: only chapter one ever changes, depending on who wrote it.

      Chapter 1: LOOK AT ME!

      Chapter 2: Bootstraps and hurrah free enterprise and THE MARKET

      Chapter 3: Regulations OMG!

      Chapter 4: We should eliminate welfare because welfare makes people not work therefore cut it out entirely

      Chapter 5: Cut the fuck out of taxes, especially for jerb creators

      Chapter 6: Government is bad, mmmkay? However corporations are great because The Market

      Chapter 7: So the solution is simple. Cut taxes, remove regulation, slice the government down to tiny, get rid of welfare. Nothing could ever go wrong with this.

      Chapter 8: I'm still fucking great look at me.

      Back cover:
      lickspittle circle-jerk of quotes ALWAYS from O'Really, Hannity and another couple of douchehats whose books will have quotes from the author of this book

      The end.

  • rickmaci

    The book is taking longer than anticipated to finish because the Chimpster is having a hard time with keeping his crayon coloring inside the lines.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Are there aliens? Or alien zombies? Or at least illegal immigrant zombies? Cuz that would be cool

  • elburritodeluxe

    .ie a Republican publishing group will pay him to keep quiet, stay away from cameras and "work on a book" while the party tries to get you to forget about him.

    • Isyaignert

      Works for me. My blood pressure is normal now that numbnutz is out of the White House. I used to get serious, debilitating RepubliCON Tourettes every time that fumduck opened his mouth.

  • fuflans

    on the plus side, george zimmerman, clooney and martin all come up before george bush on the googles.

  • BlueStateLibel

    Dubya's new book on fostering economic growth will sit proudly alongside my copies of Gen. George Custer's revered tome on military strategy and Nevill Chamberlien's respected treatsie, "Guaranteeing Peace in our Lifetime."

  • Terry

    "Two months from now, he plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth."

    Well, look at it this way. Bush proved what doesn't work during his term. Perhaps he's preparing to talk about the approaches he didn't try.

  • not that Radio

    How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

  • fuflans

    didn't he just right a crappy book that got roundly trashed? doesn't he have some brush to clear or something?

  • Naked_Bunny

    Bush will then write a fanfic where a new character, named George Dubbush, will single-handedly defeat Doctor Robotnik, rescuing Sonic and saving the animals of Mobius.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    What's the title? "How to Win Friends and Sell My Pet Goat"?

    • OneYieldRegular

      "My Bestest Strategeries For Growing The Economics."

  • YasserArraFeck

    I want to hear more about the terroristic pretzel plot

  • PlanetWingNut

    How to Duck shoes with secret service prescence.

  • DahBoner

    I'm saving my cash for his little brother Jeb's book: "Don't Drive the Country Into the Ground, Like My Brother" published by Click N Klack Press…

  • elgin_pelican

    Witless Shrugged

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Witless Smirked?

    • Generation[redacted]

      The Toilethead

  • glamourdammerung

    It would be funny for President Obama to give Romney a copy during the debates and ask him if he could get Bush to sign it for him the next time they are hanging out.

  • elgin_pelican

    "FREE with your subscription to Human Events!"

  • NYNYNYjr

    90% off- so is it cheaper than standard house insulation yet? Also, what are its insulating properties?

    • Generation[redacted]

      When it becomes cheaper than firewood he's going to hit the bestseller list.

  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    If Bush knew anything about economics he's know better than to waste resources supplying a book no one is demanding.

  • Isyaignert

    Awesome work Josh! That photo is going in my screensaver slideshow.

  • miss_grundy

    So, the poopie-head who started two wars and sent thousands of pallets of Ameros to Iraq and stood by while the country nearly went over the cliff, cause he and the Repubs deregulated the financial industry, is now going to tell us how the country should be run economically? Does this story have superheroes, vampires, werewolves or zombies? Because if it isn't a mashup of a literature classic, I'm not reading it.

  • Halloween Jack

    I've assumed that W has spent almost all of his time since leaving office sprawled on a lounge chair next to his pool with a fifth of Jack plugged into a PICC line. If he has to go out to promote this stuff, they'll have to dry him out and swap the fifth out with a mickey of vodka that has a remote-control release that doesn't go on until about a minute before he's done with his speech. Good luck to his handlers.

  • notanncoulter

    I'll look for it on the shelf next to "Bristol's Guide To Abstinence" in the IRONIC YET UNINTENTIONAL COMEDY aisle along with the Sarah Palin documentary “The Undefeated”.
    This stuff just writes itself, don't it?

  • ttommyunger

    "George W. Bush Writing….."? It is to larf.