flotus files

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

That's MRS. Flotus to you... So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop this disgusting epidemic, and this week, invited another group of children to the White House, this time to talk about America’s least favorite sport: soccer! That underwear model David Beckham was there, as well as his team, whatever it’s called. Well, the Europeans must have really liked this soccer nonsense, because today, a province in southern Italy decided to dedicate a tree to our FLOTUS. Of course, in our country we prefer to name stadiums and highways after our most treasured icons, but they don’t have those things in Europe. It’s just Vespas and cigarettes, as far as the eye can see.

The province of Lecce is in the south of Italy, or in American geographical terms, “the heel part of that boot-shaped country.”

A province in southern Italy on Thursday dedicated a 1,400-year-old olive tree known as “The Queen” to US First Lady Michelle Obama because of her commitment to promoting healthy lifestyles.

The province of Lecce, in the farming region of Apulia, said that the roughly 26 gallons (100 liters) of extra-virgin olive oil made from the fruits of the giant tree would be sent to the White House every year, starting this fall.

“The First Lady has launched the ‘Let’s Move’ campaign for a healthier lifestyle and diet … in perfect harmony with the requirements of a Mediterranean diet,” the province said in a statement.

The tree has a diameter at its base of 46ft (14m) and can produce up to 1,300lbs (600kg) of olives a year.

Michelle Obama will now have to do damage control, probably, since children will just interpret this gesture as the First Lady’s endorsement of unlimited pizza. (Which wouldn’t be a bad re-election move. Maybe Biden can clarify his feelings toward pizza first?) [AFP]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

View all articles by Blair Burke

Comments

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  • Jus_Wonderin

    OT: Donna Summer dead at 63. I haz a sad.

    • ChernobylSoup

      I heard she loved to love you, Jus_Wonderin.

    • Callyson

      Here's hoping she finds hot stuff in heaven. RIP…

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I am sure God himself will welcome this “Bad Girl”.

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          Someone left a cake out in the rain.

          • PubOption

            She'll never have the recipe again.

  • BarbdarTFlagass

    And when a Republican takes the White House again some time in the future, I hope the Italians keep sending those 100 liters of olive oil, but they should fill the bottles with donkey piss instead. Ha ha!

  • meatlofer

    It would be a much cleaner world if everything ran on Olive Oil!

    • BarbdarTFlagass

      Your move, Popeye.

  • BarbdarTFlagass

    Extra-virgin olive oil can also be used as a safe, non-toxic sexual lubricant as well. I'm sure Barry and Michelle already know this, though.

    • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

      Use a little extra for virgins.

      • Guppy

        Appropriately, just because the oil says it's "virgin" doesn't mean it actually is…

    • Guppy

      Yeah, my brain shut down after seeing "Michelle Obama" and "olive oil" in the same sentence…

      • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

        Fapfapfapfap…

      • Negropolis

        Whew! I'm glad I wasn't the only one. lol

        Olive oil; it's a good thing.

    • ttommyunger

      Frankly, I prefer Coconut Oil. Solid at room temp. melts on contact with the skin. Pleasing, yet subtle flavor, as well.

  • MissTaken

    1,400 year-old tree?? I can't keep a basil plant alive for 14 days.

  • BarbdarTFlagass

    So, how many millions of taxpayer dollars did this cost? Oh, she isn't there on vacation? Well, I bet she would like to be, so we here at Fox will criticize this anyway.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    It should be FREEDOM OIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Romney: "That tree is the wrong height!"

    They named a broken lamppost after Mittens, also.

  • Baconzgood

    That's a big tree. Why haven't they chopped it down to make popsicle sticks yet? Drill baby drill.

  • Mahousu

    OT, but I'm seeing ads for "Snow White and the Huntsman." Does Jon have a cocaine addiction we didn't know about?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Hahaha

  • sharethegrief

    Big deal! Ann Romney has multiple money trees named after her.

  • philpjfry

    Michele Obama/Jane Fonda 2016

  • SayItWithWookies

    Oh wow — that's really an awesome tribute. Now they need to dedicate a spaghetti tree to her and she'll be set.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Possibly the greatest April Fools joke ever.

      • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

        That was a joke?

    • Fare la Volpe

      Money quote: "…Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn't even mention spaghetti."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Oil down the FLOTUS! Yeah, Baby!

  • chicken_thief

    Oh, shit. This isn't going to help the Obamas with the commie Euro soshulist image.

  • SorosBot

    Wait, what's an extra-virgin, someone who lives in his parents' basement while splitting his time between the World of Warcraft and writing screeds on behalf of Ron Paul?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      …and "Tebows" to hide his boners?

  • ChernobylSoup

    Plant a gin bush on one side and some vermouth vines on the other and you've got yourself the best damn acre in all a Italy.

  • WhatTheHeck

    Vespas and cigarettes,
    well versed in etiquette
    she’s extraordinarily nice.
    she’s a killer queen…

  • Lucidamente1

    This is the coolest thing since Garibaldi offered to fight on the side of the Union. Forza Michelle!

  • An_Outhouse

    Flotus can use the extra virgin oil in her next wrestle match against Oprah.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Are we currently in a "Lose Pounds for Pennies" Oprah cycle, or a "Big is Beautiful" Oprah cycle? Because that could really matter in my betting pool.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Verily, it is like the Hindu cycles of eternity, or some shit!

      • Negropolis

        L-O-fuckin'-L!

  • freakishlywrong

    I lived outside of Lecce for a few years. Fucking beautiful. The heel of the boot, she kicks ass, like our FLOTUS.

  • mavenmaven

    I think that extra virgin olive oil tree should have been named after Bristol Palin.

    • Negropolis

      I think you're confusing those with the extra-slutty olive trees.

  • chascates

    The next Republican President will use that oil to anoint himself as a God-chosen leader of Amerika.

  • James Michael Curley

    Something like this happened in The Godfather II, subtitled "Robert De Niro looked really young there."

  • vulpes82

    Più grande della storia monster.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    There has to be something about this that diminishes America's standing in the world, and I have faith that the good people of WND will figure out what it is.

  • bikerlaureate

    Elitist nonhydrogenated squeezins…

  • DahBoner

    Advocado oil is America's Olive Oil.

    Get down wit the guac, First Laydeeeee!

  • Nostrildamus

    They also dedicated a nut tree to Michele Bachmann.

  • Nostrildamus

    and of the these to RR.

  • Nostrildamus

    WTF, there's one for Newt, too.

  • http://wonkette.com/ starfanglednut

    A lovely tribute to a lovely lady.

  • ttommyunger

    Nice gesture, but I sincerely doubt she needs anything oiled.