flotus files

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

That's MRS. Flotus to you... So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop this disgusting epidemic, and this week, invited another group of children to the White House, this time to talk about America’s least favorite sport: soccer! That underwear model David Beckham was there, as well as his team, whatever it’s called. Well, the Europeans must have really liked this soccer nonsense, because today, a province in southern Italy decided to dedicate a tree to our FLOTUS. Of course, in our country we prefer to name stadiums and highways after our most treasured icons, but they don’t have those things in Europe. It’s just Vespas and cigarettes, as far as the eye can see.

The province of Lecce is in the south of Italy, or in American geographical terms, “the heel part of that boot-shaped country.”

A province in southern Italy on Thursday dedicated a 1,400-year-old olive tree known as “The Queen” to US First Lady Michelle Obama because of her commitment to promoting healthy lifestyles.

The province of Lecce, in the farming region of Apulia, said that the roughly 26 gallons (100 liters) of extra-virgin olive oil made from the fruits of the giant tree would be sent to the White House every year, starting this fall.

“The First Lady has launched the ‘Let’s Move’ campaign for a healthier lifestyle and diet … in perfect harmony with the requirements of a Mediterranean diet,” the province said in a statement.

The tree has a diameter at its base of 46ft (14m) and can produce up to 1,300lbs (600kg) of olives a year.

Michelle Obama will now have to do damage control, probably, since children will just interpret this gesture as the First Lady’s endorsement of unlimited pizza. (Which wouldn’t be a bad re-election move. Maybe Biden can clarify his feelings toward pizza first?) [AFP]

About the author

Blair Burke obsessively follows Michelle Obama's every move and fashion decision for Wonkette's The FLOTUS Files feature, which appears here every Monday.

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  1. BarbdarTFlagass

    And when a Republican takes the White House again some time in the future, I hope the Italians keep sending those 100 liters of olive oil, but they should fill the bottles with donkey piss instead. Ha ha!

  2. BarbdarTFlagass

    Extra-virgin olive oil can also be used as a safe, non-toxic sexual lubricant as well. I'm sure Barry and Michelle already know this, though.

      1. Guppy

        Appropriately, just because the oil says it's "virgin" doesn't mean it actually is…

    1. Guppy

      Yeah, my brain shut down after seeing "Michelle Obama" and "olive oil" in the same sentence…

    2. ttommyunger

      Frankly, I prefer Coconut Oil. Solid at room temp. melts on contact with the skin. Pleasing, yet subtle flavor, as well.

  3. BarbdarTFlagass

    So, how many millions of taxpayer dollars did this cost? Oh, she isn't there on vacation? Well, I bet she would like to be, so we here at Fox will criticize this anyway.

  4. Baconzgood

    That's a big tree. Why haven't they chopped it down to make popsicle sticks yet? Drill baby drill.

  5. Mahousu

    OT, but I'm seeing ads for "Snow White and the Huntsman." Does Jon have a cocaine addiction we didn't know about?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Money quote: "…Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn't even mention spaghetti."

  6. chicken_thief

    Oh, shit. This isn't going to help the Obamas with the commie Euro soshulist image.

  7. SorosBot

    Wait, what's an extra-virgin, someone who lives in his parents' basement while splitting his time between the World of Warcraft and writing screeds on behalf of Ron Paul?

  8. ChernobylSoup

    Plant a gin bush on one side and some vermouth vines on the other and you've got yourself the best damn acre in all a Italy.

  9. WhatTheHeck

    Vespas and cigarettes,
    well versed in etiquette
    she’s extraordinarily nice.
    she’s a killer queen…

  10. Lucidamente1

    This is the coolest thing since Garibaldi offered to fight on the side of the Union. Forza Michelle!

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Are we currently in a "Lose Pounds for Pennies" Oprah cycle, or a "Big is Beautiful" Oprah cycle? Because that could really matter in my betting pool.

  11. freakishlywrong

    I lived outside of Lecce for a few years. Fucking beautiful. The heel of the boot, she kicks ass, like our FLOTUS.

  12. mavenmaven

    I think that extra virgin olive oil tree should have been named after Bristol Palin.

  13. chascates

    The next Republican President will use that oil to anoint himself as a God-chosen leader of Amerika.

  14. James Michael Curley

    Something like this happened in The Godfather II, subtitled "Robert De Niro looked really young there."

  15. Doktor StrangeZoom

    There has to be something about this that diminishes America's standing in the world, and I have faith that the good people of WND will figure out what it is.

Comments are closed.