FLOTUS FILES  1:00 pm May 17, 2012

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

by Blair Burke

That's MRS. Flotus to you... So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop this disgusting epidemic, and this week, invited another group of children to the White House, this time to talk about America’s least favorite sport: soccer! That underwear model David Beckham was there, as well as his team, whatever it’s called. Well, the Europeans must have really liked this soccer nonsense, because today, a province in southern Italy decided to dedicate a tree to our FLOTUS. Of course, in our country we prefer to name stadiums and highways after our most treasured icons, but they don’t have those things in Europe. It’s just Vespas and cigarettes, as far as the eye can see.

The province of Lecce is in the south of Italy, or in American geographical terms, “the heel part of that boot-shaped country.”

A province in southern Italy on Thursday dedicated a 1,400-year-old olive tree known as “The Queen” to US First Lady Michelle Obama because of her commitment to promoting healthy lifestyles.

The province of Lecce, in the farming region of Apulia, said that the roughly 26 gallons (100 liters) of extra-virgin olive oil made from the fruits of the giant tree would be sent to the White House every year, starting this fall.

“The First Lady has launched the ‘Let’s Move’ campaign for a healthier lifestyle and diet … in perfect harmony with the requirements of a Mediterranean diet,” the province said in a statement.

The tree has a diameter at its base of 46ft (14m) and can produce up to 1,300lbs (600kg) of olives a year.

Michelle Obama will now have to do damage control, probably, since children will just interpret this gesture as the First Lady’s endorsement of unlimited pizza. (Which wouldn’t be a bad re-election move. Maybe Biden can clarify his feelings toward pizza first?) [AFP]

 
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{ 54 comments }

Jus_Wonderin May 17, 2012 at 1:04 pm

OT: Donna Summer dead at 63. I haz a sad.

ChernobylSoup May 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I heard she loved to love you, Jus_Wonderin.

Callyson May 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Here's hoping she finds hot stuff in heaven. RIP…

Jus_Wonderin May 17, 2012 at 2:04 pm

I am sure God himself will welcome this “Bad Girl”.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 17, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Someone left a cake out in the rain.

PubOption May 17, 2012 at 3:10 pm

She'll never have the recipe again.

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 1:04 pm

And when a Republican takes the White House again some time in the future, I hope the Italians keep sending those 100 liters of olive oil, but they should fill the bottles with donkey piss instead. Ha ha!

meatlofer May 17, 2012 at 1:04 pm

It would be a much cleaner world if everything ran on Olive Oil!

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Your move, Popeye.

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Extra-virgin olive oil can also be used as a safe, non-toxic sexual lubricant as well. I'm sure Barry and Michelle already know this, though.

GuyClinch May 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Use a little extra for virgins.

Guppy May 17, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Appropriately, just because the oil says it's "virgin" doesn't mean it actually is…

Guppy May 17, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Yeah, my brain shut down after seeing "Michelle Obama" and "olive oil" in the same sentence…

starfanglednut May 17, 2012 at 7:12 pm

Fapfapfapfap…

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:29 am

Whew! I'm glad I wasn't the only one. lol

Olive oil; it's a good thing.

ttommyunger May 18, 2012 at 11:26 pm

Frankly, I prefer Coconut Oil. Solid at room temp. melts on contact with the skin. Pleasing, yet subtle flavor, as well.

MissTaken May 17, 2012 at 1:07 pm

1,400 year-old tree?? I can't keep a basil plant alive for 14 days.

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

So, how many millions of taxpayer dollars did this cost? Oh, she isn't there on vacation? Well, I bet she would like to be, so we here at Fox will criticize this anyway.

Blueb4sunrise May 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

It should be FREEDOM OIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GuyClinch May 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Romney: "That tree is the wrong height!"

They named a broken lamppost after Mittens, also.

Baconzgood May 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

That's a big tree. Why haven't they chopped it down to make popsicle sticks yet? Drill baby drill.

Mahousu May 17, 2012 at 1:10 pm

OT, but I'm seeing ads for "Snow White and the Huntsman." Does Jon have a cocaine addiction we didn't know about?

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Hahaha

sharethegrief May 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Big deal! Ann Romney has multiple money trees named after her.

philpjfry May 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Michele Obama/Jane Fonda 2016

SayItWithWookies May 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Oh wow — that's really an awesome tribute. Now they need to dedicate a spaghetti tree to her and she'll be set.

Oblios_Cap May 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Possibly the greatest April Fools joke ever.

GuyClinch May 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

That was a joke?

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

Money quote: "…Do you know, Miall, Encyclopædia Britannica doesn't even mention spaghetti."

Oblios_Cap May 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Oil down the FLOTUS! Yeah, Baby!

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

Oh, shit. This isn't going to help the Obamas with the commie Euro soshulist image.

SorosBot May 17, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Wait, what's an extra-virgin, someone who lives in his parents' basement while splitting his time between the World of Warcraft and writing screeds on behalf of Ron Paul?

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:32 pm

…and "Tebows" to hide his boners?

ChernobylSoup May 17, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Plant a gin bush on one side and some vermouth vines on the other and you've got yourself the best damn acre in all a Italy.

WhatTheHeck May 17, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Vespas and cigarettes,
well versed in etiquette
she’s extraordinarily nice.
she’s a killer queen…

Lucidamente1 May 17, 2012 at 1:29 pm

This is the coolest thing since Garibaldi offered to fight on the side of the Union. Forza Michelle!

An_Outhouse May 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Flotus can use the extra virgin oil in her next wrestle match against Oprah.

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Are we currently in a "Lose Pounds for Pennies" Oprah cycle, or a "Big is Beautiful" Oprah cycle? Because that could really matter in my betting pool.

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Verily, it is like the Hindu cycles of eternity, or some shit!

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:32 am

L-O-fuckin'-L!

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I lived outside of Lecce for a few years. Fucking beautiful. The heel of the boot, she kicks ass, like our FLOTUS.

mavenmaven May 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm

I think that extra virgin olive oil tree should have been named after Bristol Palin.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:32 am

I think you're confusing those with the extra-slutty olive trees.

chascates May 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm

The next Republican President will use that oil to anoint himself as a God-chosen leader of Amerika.

James Michael Curley May 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

Something like this happened in The Godfather II, subtitled "Robert De Niro looked really young there."

vulpes82 May 17, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Più grande della storia monster.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

There has to be something about this that diminishes America's standing in the world, and I have faith that the good people of WND will figure out what it is.

bikerlaureate May 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm

Elitist nonhydrogenated squeezins…

DahBoner May 17, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Advocado oil is America's Olive Oil.

Get down wit the guac, First Laydeeeee!

Nostrildamus May 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

They also dedicated a nut tree to Michele Bachmann.

Nostrildamus May 17, 2012 at 4:06 pm

and of the these to RR.

Nostrildamus May 17, 2012 at 4:10 pm

WTF, there's one for Newt, too.

starfanglednut May 17, 2012 at 7:19 pm

A lovely tribute to a lovely lady.

ttommyunger May 18, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Nice gesture, but I sincerely doubt she needs anything oiled.

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