who?

Billionaire Republicans Have Fool-Proof Secret Weapon Against Obama That Will Totally Work This Time

When will Nobama stop hugging black guys?Uh oh! It looks like some rightwing Chicago Cubs owner (?) has a secret plan to spend millions finally showing America the real Barack Hussein NOBAMA via his shadowy association with a man no one has ever heard of before and whose name you will not even recognize because of how this has never been covered! Stupid LAMESTREAM MEDIA! Time to get fitted for your inauguration crown, Governor Romney, because Bamz is about to get blown out of the water by this new, never-heard-before, super-shocking revelation!

The plan, which is awaiting approval, calls for running commercials linking Mr. Obama to incendiary comments by his former spiritual adviser, the Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr., whose race-related sermons made him a highly charged figure in the 2008 campaign.

Who? Your Wonkette has never heard of that person, because of how stupid old John McCain would not let Steve Schmidt or the other heroes of his 2008 campaign focus on race-baiting, because he is a jerk. It seems — don’t quote us, we are just jumping into this new information that nobody knew until now — that Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright Jr. is a pastor, and he is black and controversial!

“The world is about to see Jeremiah Wright and understand his influence on Barack Obama for the first time in a big, attention-arresting way,” says the proposal[.]

The $10 million plan, one of several being studied by Mr. Ricketts, includes preparations for how to respond to the charges of race-baiting it envisions if it highlights Mr. Obama’s former ties to Mr. Wright, who espouses what is known as “black liberation theology.”

This is still John McCain’s fault, how nobody ever heard of this person who was the impetus for a trivial, non-important speech Barack Obama gave about race that nobody listened to.

The proposal suggests that Mr. Ricketts believes the 2008 campaign of Senator John McCain erred in not using images of Mr. Wright against Mr. Obama, who has said that the pastor helped him find Jesus but that he was never present for Mr. Wright’s politically charged sermons. Mr. Obama left the church during the campaign.

Apparently referring to a Wright ad that was produced for the McCain campaign by Mr. Davis’s firm but never used, the proposal opens with a quote from Mr. Ricketts: “If the nation had seen that ad, they’d never have elected Barack Obama.” […]

The document, which was written by former advisers to Mr. McCain, is critical of his decision in 2008 not to aggressively pursue Mr. Obama’s relationship with Mr. Wright. In the opening paragraphs of the proposal, the Republican strategists refer to Mr. McCain as “a crusty old politician who often seemed confused, burdened with a campaign just as confused.”

“Our plan is to do exactly what John McCain would not let us do: Show the world how Barack Obama’s opinions of America and the world were formed,” the proposal says. “And why the influence of that misguided mentor and our president’s formative years among left-wing intellectuals has brought our country to its knees.”

Here is some fun verbiage from the plan’s introduction that does not at all sound certifiably schizo, but these days who can even know?


Looks like we are in for MOAR VETTENING, fellows — VETTENING that will prove once and for all that Barack Obama cannot stop hugging black guys! Fasten your seatbelts, for this sure to be bumpy ride! [NYT]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • nounverb911

    I hope the Cubbies rot in last place for the next millenium. or two.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Which would mean a change…how?

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      Unfortunately that won't help the Ms since the Wrigley Wimps are that other league where the sillies let the pitcher bat.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        Hey, it's equality and fairness, not like that corporate league where they only let girls pitch.

        • http://wonkette.com/ weejee
          • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

            Media types don't count. They cover sports because they couldn't play them worth a goddamn.

            Of course, she could probably strike out the Ms too, cuz, you know, "girls pitch league."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      As long as the owner keeps putting his millions in misguided political campaigns instead of trying to get some bats and a closer or two, I think your wish will keep coming true.

    • freakishlywrong

      I shit you not..
      In addition to using local amusement tax funds that might otherwise be spent shoring up actual public services, the Ricketts family is seeking a large federal subsidy to pay for a renovation of Wrigley Field. As the Chicago Sun-Times reported:
      A resounding "Fuck NO" is in order.

      • V572 Is this him?

        Sorry, but as we were discussing yesterday, politicians gravitate towards luxury boxes like Mitt Romney toward tax shelters. They can't help themselves, particularly if it's somebody else's (i.e. taxpayers') money that will pay for them.

        • BerkeleyBear

          You think Rahm fucking Emanuel is gonna fucking play fucking ball with fucking Ricketts after this fucking shit?

          Well, sure, eventually — but not fucking today, god fucking dammit.

    • crybabyboehner

      Obama is a ChiSox fan, Ozzie Guillen was their managaer, Ozzie <3s Castro. Ergo, Obama is a commie.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        You think that's a parody? Bless your heart.

  • Barb

    "Black, metrosexual Abe Lincoln" is their other weapon. It's trending on Twitter. If this is all they have I feel pretty comfortable for a win.
    。☆ 。☆。☆
    ★。\|/。★
    Obama * Biden
    —— 2012 ——-
    ★。/|\。★
    。☆。 。☆。

    • nounverb911

      Nice blingyish thingy.

      • Barb

        Thanks!

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          So that's what Rich Lowry saw during the Veep debate!!
          。☆ 。☆。☆
          ★。\|/。★
          (SnowBilly Winks)
          ★。/|\。★
          。☆。 。☆。

    • elburritodeluxe

      。☆ 。☆。☆
      ★。\|/。★
      Super * Cool!
      ★。/|\。★
      。☆。 。☆。

    • freakishlywrong

      The fuck is the keyboard shortcut to that? It's Shweeeet!

      • Barb

        Copy and paste it, Freakishly.

        • freakishlywrong

          。☆ 。☆。☆
          ★。\|/。★
          Duh…ok.
          ★。/|\。★
          。☆。 。☆。

          • Barb

            Very good, Freakishly. I am working on one now that will represent Obama, eating apple pie off of Betsy Ross' titties.

          • freakishlywrong

            She's Caucasian, this will not go well with Ricketts, et al.

          • sullivanst

            While we can't wish for head asploshuns, can we at least express that we wouldn't feel bad were they to happen?

          • Jus_Wonderin

            Oh, oh, oh, oh……………yes!

      • DashBarb Buddha

        。☆ 。☆。☆
        ★。\|/。★
        Who knew that
        creativity was
        only a keyboard
        away
        ★。/|\。★
        。☆。 。☆。

        • Barb

          Love the new name, Dash!

    • ElPinche

      Nice sparkles!! I'm going to borrow it unless you copyrighted it or somethin.

    • JustPixelz

      "…I feel pretty comfortable for a win."

      Plus Dick Cheney said Obama would be a one-term president. And when was last time Cheney was right about anything?

    • Callyson

      Seriously…and now Rmoney is "distancing" himself from this plan. Which means, of course, that they realize how utterly ridiculous this will look in the eyes of every American who is not already a die hard wingnut…

    • iburl

      I wish I felt comfortable. However, the stupid, racist masses have had four years of a black person being demonstrably better than them in almost every way, so, I'm afraid that there will be hell to pay. The A-holes are fired up and Obama's base is nowhere near as energized as they were last time. Not to mention Citizens United will eat our lunch.

    • Nostrildamus

      ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚
      ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣
      Romney / Voldemort
      ——— 2012 —————-
      ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚ ☠ ♚
      ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣ ☢ ☣

    • Nostrildamus

      ☃☃☃☃☃☃♛♛♛♛♛♛
      ♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎
      Marcus Bachmann
      —— Whatever —–
      ☃☃☃☃☃☃♛♛♛♛♛♛
      ♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎♂◎

      • Barb

        That's pretty fucking awesome, Nostril

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    No more government spending!!! (After we're done begging the city + state for millions to rehab Wrigley Field)

    • mrpuma2u

      As a long suffering Cubs fan, I am appalled by the Cubs owner, who is clearly a big gubmint RINO, with his socialsist hand held out for the big gubmint handout to fix up his shoddy ball field, eroded by decades of spilled beer, vomit and the bitter, caustic tears of the few fans actually paying attention to the games. Goat balls curse upon him.

      • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

        indeed. Nothing says socialism like the communal troughs

  • BarbdarTFlagass

    Guess if they do that, the Obama campaign is going to have to play the Joseph Smith card.

    • nounverb911

      Which team did he play for?

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        The Moroni Nine. They beat the Mudhens in Aught-6 in the longest extra inning game in memory.

      • Barb

        The Annoying Missionaries.

    • mrpuma2u

      In Illinois back in the 1800's we knew how to deal with this Mormon cult crap.

    • V572 Is this him?

      We're talking Mountain Meadows here.

    • PuglyDoRight

      Yes, because a polygamous charlatan that was run out of town after town and could read prophecies when he put his face into his hat is SO much more mainstream than Rev. Wright.

      • doloras

        Funny, the Community of Christ (formerly known as the Reorganised LDS) swears that Joe Smith wasn't a polygamist at all and all that sister-wives crap was the idea of Brigham Young and the other quitters who ran away to Utah.

  • freakishlywrong

    I'll give you Jerimiah Wright when someone in the press finds the balls to ask Mittens about Ted fucking Nugent. For fuck's sake.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more Steve Bartman.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      There are some fouls that Moises Alou could never catch.

      Y'know, it wouldn't surprise me if this was the same owner who gave the go-head for that college football game at Wrigley in 2010.

      You know, the game where they could only use half the field because the NCAA refused to permit a game with an end zone that abutted a fucking brick wall?

  • PeaceWithHonor

    Why won't Americans hate blacks like they used to?

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    All I gotta say is "Goddamn, America!"

    • HistoriBarb

      Can someone find that clip? I want to use it as my new ringtone.

  • DemonicRage

    This is so diabolical and cunning on the part of the Republicans! We are so ready to be won over and convinced. I can't wait until these tv ads begin. Poor Hopey! He must feel so insecure at this moment, knowing that the tsunami is about to be unleashed.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Failed miserably in 2008 so why not try it again in 2012? Brilliant.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Well, they're using the same reasoning to try and sell their economic policies. Guess that's just their strategery these days.

    • Callyson

      But they did not try hard *enough* that time. I think the answer is to work harder.

      • nonbeliever7

        More Anger combined with Less Logic sounds like a winner to me.

  • not that Radio

    "Mr Ricketts" should worry less about NOBAMA and his personality cult of left-wing intellectuals and more about the Curse of the Billy Goat.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Na-a-a-a-ahhhhh

  • ChernobylSoup

    For his next act, Ricketts will air an expose of Gennifer Flowers.

    • George Spelvin

      Way too late to be exposing Gennifer Flowers.

  • memzilla

    …the pastor helped him find Jesus…

    Is Jeebus lost again? You'd think the Son of God would have a better GPS.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Problem is, the search party is in Aspen looking for a white conservative. They'll never find him.

  • spends2much

    Ooh, so Mittens is going to be more of a douche than McCain! This sure will be a fun summer election season… race-baiting, so 21st century!

  • elburritodeluxe

    I'll see your crazy black preacher and raise you a crazy white religion!

    • nounverb911

      Which one?

    • hollywooddood

      Does this mean we get to hear more about the Planet Kolob?

  • prommie

    Hey, lets go after the candidate's religion, lets shine a light on his affiliation with a strange sect with some bizarre, un-american beliefs! That will work well for a mormon who is descended from a splinter sect of expatriot polygamous mormons!

    • SoBeach

      That's why Romney is calling for "civility" on this one. And he'll keep calling for it until he finds himself 6 points down in late September. Then the fun starts.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Fuck the Cubs! Now I have a reason to despise them beyond just South Side animus against their lilly-white, loser-tolerating yuppie and suburban fans.

    • prommie

      I have never seen a Cubs hat without an asshole under it.

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        BILL MURRAY LI–

        Oh.

        Nevermind.

      • proudgrampa

        Bob Swerski libel!

      • flamingpdog

        I can't even go to Rockies games with the Cubs anymore because of the 20,000 assholes with Cubs hats that show up at every game. I had to guffaw at someone's comment the other day about Denver/Boulder being San Francisco and the rest of the state being Oklahoma. Boulder, yeah, but Denver??? Denver City council voted last Monday night to criminalize homelessness!

        End of rant – thank you for your time and patience.

      • George Spelvin

        Steve Goodman libel!!!!

        (Admittedly, he's about the only one that springs to mind).

  • CarnyTrash

    I just saw this new movie that's going to blow your mind! I wanted to be the first to share this with everyone as I'm on top of these types of things. The movie is called "Star Wars" and it's unlike anything you've seen before. I don't want to give too much away but I'll tell you this – ROBOTS!

    • HistoriBarb

      No way that it could be as cool as "Planet of the Apes" – that last scene with the Statue of Liberty is amazing!

      • nonbeliever7

        Uhhhh…SPOILER ALERT????

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    Are any of those political betting sites giving odds yet on whether Mittens or a high-placed GOP strategist will come right out before the election and say "in case you haven't noticed, he's a nig – ?

    • Generation[redacted]

      GONG!

  • FakaktaSouth

    OH MY GOD YES! Let's make this one about what weird things are said at each guy's church. THAT would be A GREAT idea – I mean you already cannot get MItt to shut UP about all the cult-y things going on over there, I am SURE this is JUST what he needs.

    Crap. I need someone to come read to me. I can do a lot on my wonkette mobile (raise my kids, stand in line, drive) but I am doing my best "Cool Hand Luke" carwash scene, painting so stuff in my picture window all bending over and what not for the yard dudes across the street and it is damn near impossible to read and type while I do this.

    • prommie

      Now thats the kind of yelling I like!

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I think that's more moaning than yelling, but I see your point

        Literally. Put that away before you poke someone's eye out.

    • prommie

      Lucky fucking yard dudes, what did they do to deserve this?

      • FakaktaSouth

        They showed up. I am a housewifian cliche, but fuck it, I'll take it where I can get it. I was here first, and they are cute, so let's go. I like the one guy elboing the other guy in the side and pointing stuff, I can't help it.

        • PuckStopsHere

          What are you wearing? (breathes heavily…)

          • FakaktaSouth

            Luckily, short grey soffe shorts and a tshirt so from across the street I'm all fake blonde hair. bent over and (thanks global warming for the tan) legs. Like I say, at 39 I'll get it while I can. (my workout partner bestie is 43 and looks incredible so I figure I still got quite a few years of at least across the street ogling!!)

          • PuckStopsHere

            I LOVE blonde hair and legs! I LIVE for blonde hair and legs! So, scuze me while I kiss the sky (or otherwise kill of the next 90 seconds to two minutes…)

  • freakishlywrong

    "left-wing intellectuals has brought our country to its knees.”

    Dubya and Dick were left-wing intellectuals?

  • BarbdarTFlagass

    "brought our country to its knees"

    I just don't see this. Why the fuck do they keep saying it?

    • Not_So_Much

      Not because they're gay and fantasize constantly about cocks and rentboys! Now leave them alone so they can have another meeting in the steam room.

    • SorosBot

      Because they figure that, if they keep repeating a lie often enough, people will believe it.

    • Oblios_Cap

      "While you're down there…"

      • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

        I was just thinking about the follow up "shoving X down our throats".

        What a sexy thread!

        • Generation[redacted]

          Funny how Rush Limbaugh always says that now is the time to bend over and grab your ankles, folks!

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Obama bowed that one time to the Saudi King, and that other time to the Emperor of Japan. So, you know, brought to our knees. Oh, the shame! My smelling salts, please!

      • Chichikovovich

        If only Obama would have given the Saudi King a big ol' smooch like Bush did, America would still have its pride.

        • Doktor StrangeZoom

          If he followed it up by bouncing all over the landscape and going "woohoo!" like Daffy Duck, I would be a happy, happy boy.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Meanwhile, I will sit here and wait for some proof liberation theology is actually racist.

    • SorosBot

      Don't you see, liberation theology claims that racism still exists instead of that it was completely wiped away in 1964, and saying some white people are racist is the real racism!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Terry Gross on "Fresh Air" did a whole show about Black Liberation Theology.

      I highly recommend everyone listen to it – particularly if this is the new campaign theme.

  • http://www.notfrisco.com/colmatales/norton/proclaim.html#declaration Joshua Norton

    Of course, if ordinary people bring up the subject of greedy billionaires buying the government then the Inside-the-Beltway talking hair-do's will clutch their pearls and fluff up the pillows of their fainting couch because Class Warfare!!!

  • hagajim

    As a long time Cubs fan I can appreciate this tack by Mr. Rickettts. After all, if he spends tons of moniez to beat Obama that might lift the Billy Goat curse. Fuck! Stupid, stupid, stupid Tommy. Concentrate on getting your baseball team to play and field a better than AAA organization. Besides, have you thought this through? If you screw with Barry, what is that feller in the Mayors office of Chi-town gonna do to screw with you? Hmmmm.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Basically, this

  • mavenmaven

    Great plan from the rich guys! Now all the Republicans need to do is find a hot unvetted woman from an unknown part of the country to run as Vice President, and voila- VICTORY!

  • bureaucrap

    So, $10m is the going rate for a dead horse? the privilege of beating it off, of course, is free.

    I suppose we should be relieved — They could have used that $10million to use a proven, effective strategy against Barry, by exploring allegations that he's not a "natural born citizen." There's still plenty to look for under that rock — just ask Don Trump.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      For $10 mil I can do a better job.

      Barak Obama is A BLACK MAN! A BLACK US AMERICA PREZNIT!

      Hey Ricketts, the invoice is in the mail.

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Joe Ricketts was also bank rolling bizarro Nebraska GOP winner, Deb Fischer.
    Even more curiouser is that Joe Ricketts daughter, Laura Ricketts, is gay and a LGBT big shot and a big Obama supporter.

  • Not_So_Much

    I thought 'Libertarian' was a right-wing fapping point? Is this kind bad because of the blah-ness?

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Mister Ricketts needs moar calcium to cure what ails him. Perhaps a concrete overcoat since the cement is just chuck-full of the calcium?

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    He's a Black gay Marxist elitist educated uppity god-hating athiest Muslin abortionist that wants to take away your guns. I guess the only stereotype the Republicans haven't used yet to make rightie voters have nightmares it is to make him a lazy Messican trying to take away your jobs.

    Gypsies, perhaps? Are right-wingers afraid of gypsies? Any way they can make him a menacing Chinese? A transexual?

    Sheesh. Nixon looks like an amateur bigot compared to these guys.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Don't forget tramps and thieves.

  • Arken

    "who has said that the pastor helped him find Jesus"

    I didn't even know he was missing!

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Next they'll claim he's a Kenyan Communist Nazi Socialist Muslin.

    • freakishlywrong

      They've been doing that for nigh on six years now, Manchu. No one calls them on it, so, why not?

    • HobbesEvilTwin

      Oh come on, Manchu. They have more class than th— oh, wait.

  • BarackMyWorld

    Jesus???

    Um, I think you meant "helped him find Allah."

  • Oblios_Cap

    Mr. Ricketts? He doen't look like Don Knotts.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Oh wow! I wonder if they'll also expose his surprising ties to terrorist Bill Ayers and his vote to legalize infanticide?

    And, hey, have you noticed that his middle name is "Hussein"? Has anyone considered maybe saying his name like this: Barack HUSSEIN Obama"? Because I'll bet a lot of people don't know about that.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Y'know, it's almost like he's not American. I wonder if he has a birth certificate.

      And I don't mean one them "summary" forms that you can get by knowing a kid's birthdate and pay $20, or them phonies you can get at any carnival. I want his goddamn long form!

  • SorosBot

    Yeah, it's not like the mainstream media covered the Rev. Wright non-stop, would not shut up about him and tried to get Obama with guilt by association, and ran the whole thing into the ground but nobody cared, because it wasn't actually a big deal.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Nor a big fucking deal.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    For a follow up Rickett will show pictures of LBJ whipping out his gall bladder surgery scar.

    • James Michael Curley

      Clever!

  • SayItWithWookies

    Finally someone's delving into the past of this mysterious unknown person who wants to be our nation's chief executive. I can't wait until we hear more about Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dorn and how George Soros can destroy entire nations with currency speculation and how Barack Obama's real father was a clone of Idi Amin and Joseph Stalin — that'll persuade America!

    • finallyhappy

      hey, let's not forget Saul Alinsky even tho' the Pres was what- 10? when Alinsky died. Also (and I've said this before) Rev. Wright's mom was the vice principal at the Phila. HS for Girls- my school. So how come I live so close to DC and yet, the President and I have not met- when we are so closely "related"!

  • johnedens

    Wait, if Obama is a Muslim, how did this Christian preacher's Liberation Theology influence him?

    • PuglyDoRight

      And why does he endorse gay marriage? HMMMMM?

  • DaRooster

    “If the nation had seen that ad, they’d never have elected Barack Obama.”

    over

    “a crusty old politician who often seemed confused, burdened with a campaign just as confused.”

    Uh… yeah.

    • finallyhappy

      "burdened with a campaign just as confused"= Snowbilly

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Needs more Larry Sinclair and "Obama sucked my dick in a limo" stories.

  • SoBeach

    Yeah, all the shit wingnuts have been emailing each other for the past four years, and all the shit Hannity and Rush have been gibbering about…that's what's going to win it for Romney.

    I can't wait to watch.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Ricketts is living up to his name. This story is so flimsy, it needs crutches.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    They should stop messing around with minor stuff like Reverend Wright and go with the real scandal: make him show his birth certificate–and make it the long form while you are at it.

    • finallyhappy

      and his grades at college and Harvard and how he paid for school(not sure why that has been popping up- who do we think paid for his education- commies, muslims, fascists, the Kenyan national treasury?)

  • DaRooster

    “Our plan is to do exactly what John McCain would not let us do: Show the world how Barack Obama’s opinions of America and the world were formed…”

    And this will be crazier than Mormonism how?

    • Oblios_Cap

      That's Scientology crazy.

  • Tundra Grifter

    So the jokers pushing this astonishing campaign concept thought their 2008 candidate was “a crusty old politician who often seemed confused, burdened with a campaign just as confused.”

    Speaks so much for their professionalism they were working to make this individual President of the United States. With Duh Gov'Nuh sitting on the bench in case Mr. McCain faltered.

    That's what they get for taking campaign advice from Sheer InSannity. I prefer to go to a mechanic who actually drives a car.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Don't be silly–they just learned the lesson that they need to nominate a Real Conservative, which is why such luminaries as Bachmann, Gingrich, Cain, and Santorum did so very well until people started actually listening to what they said.

      So in 2016….

  • MissNancyPriss

    Mr Ricketts?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    It was Rev. Wright's "God damn Ernie Banks, Ron Santo and that minstrel Ronnie Woo-Woo" sermon that sent Ricketts over the edge.

  • carlgt1

    cool, let's bring religion into this. I'm sure the more psyco evangelicals hear about Joseph Smith's magical golden plates from upstate New York, the more enamored they'll be of Mittens!

  • Mahousu

    Google News archive search found only "about 11,100" references to "Jeremiah Wright" during the period 2007-8, plus another 10,000 or so to "Reverend Wright." Why, if the press had been this silent about Watergate, Nixon might still be in office!

  • ElPinche

    REV WRIGHT WAS MUSLIN PRIEST RIGHT? IM CONFUYUSED.

  • ZHollows

    It would be super awesome if Ricketts could put some of his billions into a winning Cubs team instead of meddling in politics. What a fucking dumb fuck.

  • PuckStopsHere

    So this is what they mean when they say "Chicago-style" politics!

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      A deep dish of bullshit.

  • IonaTrailer

    But Dang! I thought he was a Muslim from Kenya. What about the birth certificate?

    Seriously, why don't they just out on the goddamned white sheets and come out of that KKK closet?

  • DashBarb Buddha

    Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

    • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

      Explains Supply Side Economics.

  • Serolf_Divad

    LOL, do they really want to bring religion into this race… I mean, really? Have they taken even one minute to think about who Obama is running against?

    That said, I've love for this race to come down to a choice between Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Joseph Smith.

  • Biff

    But I assume that all of Mittens' "spiritual advisors" are off-limits?

  • ChrisM2011

    "Metrosexual?" Have they seen their candidate?

  • http://www.wonkette.com WordSaladNation

    Opus caught rickets from bats?

  • Generation[redacted]

    "Aha! See? It was the blacks who were the racist oppressors all along!" –all my white southern facebook friends.

  • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

    I dunno, having Cricket design your ultimate secret weapon doesn't seem that wise. IIRC, things usually don't go that well for him.

  • Generation[redacted]

    NEEDZ MOAR TELEPROMPTERZ JOKES

  • Nostrildamus


  • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

    Donate millions of dollars to political strategists to avoid paying a few thousand in taxes. Makes perfect sense.

  • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

    Nancy Pelosi's comment on this plan: “Well, I hope they’re as successful with this campaign as the Cubs are on the baseball field."

    She then added, "Have you all seen my Giants 2010 World Series ring, bitches??!!"

  • Nostrildamus

  • OneYieldRegular

    Because "Abe Lincoln" is such an incredible put-down?

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Ever heard of the Pritzkers, Mr. Cubbie? They're from Chicago, and they're near the top of the Forbes 400 Families, unlike you guys, who just barely made the list. And they love them some Obama.

    • finallyhappy

      yes,I have and I am related to Pritzkers- just not these. My relatives are in the Forbes 175,000,000

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        Well at least drop that name with the greeters when you're in Chicago and get the good tables in the restaurants!!

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Wow, so the Cubs went from being owned by Old School Republicanism in the form of the Tribune Company, to being owned by Bat Shit Holdings, Inc.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    Fuck. How can I get hooked up with a crazed right-wing billionaire so I can make the big bucks by peddling a bunch of half-assed PowerPoint presentations rehashing and recycling old teabagger talking points? I mean really, what's the hourly rate for this kind of shit?

  • glamourdammerung

    Seriously, can someone explain to me what was so "controversial" about statements about blacks historically not getting a fair deal in this country?

  • PuglyDoRight

    He's just pissed because Obama wears a Sox cap.

    I'll agree that Obama agrees with everything Jeremiah Wright says/thinks/does when every single Catholic admits they are secret pedophiles.

    Until then, suck it, Rich Ameritrade Dude.

  • fuflans

    this is why you should never go to church.

  • ttommyunger

    I'm late posting this; the subject of this article has already been shit-canned and now they're back on the birther thing again. Must be tough trying to create a masterpiece on canvas with no fucking paint.