Sometimes when you’re watching reruns of not-so-old TV shows, you wonder about what ever happened to the bit players. I mean, sure, Joey from Friends will never have to work a day in his life again (which is good, because he probably won’t), but what if you’re one of the ladies who played his interchangeable girlfriends? Do you burn out of Hollywood and end up back at a boring office job, and you have to make occasional sales calls where people say “Didn’t you have sex with Joey from Friends in 1998?” and then it’s super-awkward. Similarly, we know that the big stars of the 2008 presidential campaign will be senators and/or grifters for as long as they want to be, but what about the supporting cast, like beloved orange moderate ex-Florida Governor Charlie Crist, who could have been Vice President, but then wasn’t? What’s he doing with his time, other than staring off into space and thinking about how he wasted his life? We already know that he’s working as some kind of TV lawyer shill, but did you know he’s also involved in some sordid case where the ex-head of the Florida GOP is trying extort money from him, possibly for gayness-related reasons?
So, yeah, you’re ex-governor and failed Senate candidate Charlie Crist, and sometime in June 2011 you’re just hangin’ out, chilling, and you get a phone call from what’s-his-name, Jim Greer, used to be the chair of the Florida Republican party, had some unpleasantness, you let it go to voice mail, why not, you don’t want to deal with this guy right now, how pressing could it be, then a couple hours later you listen to the message and this is how it goes:
“Hey governor, it’s Jim. I’m sure you know our friendship has ended, is over, and I’m just very saddened by that.”
Well, at least he finally figured that out. So why are you calling me on my cell, dude?
“But I wanted you to know personally from me, that in the future there’s probably going to be things coming out that are going to be very hurtful to both you and Carole [Crist’s wife].”
OMINOUS MUSIC STING
“But I’ll be honest with you, I don’t care anymore because I did everything that I could for you. I paid every bill you and Carole ever gave me. I defended every decision you ever made. I almost got in a fist fight the times when people said personal, terrible things about you.”
Oh, crap! What does this guy want? Does he want money?
Greer went on to tell Crist that he was about to lose his house, could no longer afford to pay for insurance for his children, including one named for Crist, and how he resented the fact that no one, including Crist, “has lifted a finger to try and help me.”
Yep, definitely money! What bit of information that was personal, terrible, and very hurtful to Charlie and his wife might “come out” from some unknown source (Jim Greer) if nobody “lifted a finger to try to help” (gave money to) Jim Greer, hmm, we wonder, wink wink, nudge nudge, and of course we are talking about the extremely long running and totally unproven rumor that Charlie Crist likes having sex with dudes, despite marrying a lady right around the time John McCain pretended to consider him as his running mate.
Anyway, though, maybe Charlie Crist isn’t gay, because his political career is over and nobody cares about an ambulance-chasing lawyer’s sexual orientation. And also instead of quaking in fear that his gay gig was up, Crist calmly forwarded the voice mail and the accompanying embarrassing text — “I gave everything for you and your political future” — to the cops. Law enforcement already had a low opinion of Greer, what with him already being indicted for various hilarious and tawdry crimes, like funneling GOP campaign cash to his personal bank account through a front company, and “borrowing” thousands of dollars of liquor and champagne from that company, and other such political scumbaggery.
So it actually seems kinda more likely that Greer was threatening to rat out Crist for his complicity in such behavior? But that little power play has clearly flopped, which just proves that Jim Greer is worse at politics than Charlie Crist, haha. “I just don’t know what he is talking about,” Crist said, as he went back to the house he bought with his own legitimately acquired money to totally have 100 percent heterosexual sex with his wife, who is lady.
Meanwhile, here’s your discussion question: The son Greer named after Charlie Crist is presumably named “Charlie,” but wouldn’t it be cooler if he were named “Crist”? That way, years from now, he could at least claim to be named after Nirvana’s bassist. [Miami Herald]