OOOH LA LA  12:00 pm May 17, 2012

Arab Media Chokes On ‘His Penis’

by Lisa Wines

Fine Upstanding GentlemanAs France’s new president, François Hollande (in his little suit), is busy making German Chancellor Angela Merkel believe in stimulation, he’s also been filling up his 34-person cabinet with women (17!), non-Parisians (18!), people under 40 (7!), and fierce anti-globalists (1!). His picks have been described as “moderates,” but the wingnuts over at The Independent Sentinel are probably saying pfftttt! to that because “They are already beyond the pale in France. A friend of mine just told me that if you have four children on welfare in France, they give you a car.” Réveillez-vous, moutonnes! (Wake up, sheeple!)

The world media is trying to keep up with it all, feverishly doing backgrounders about each new appointee, including a certain Jean-Marc Ayrault, who was selected as the new French Prime Minister. This created a leetle problem for the Arabic media because…

Mr. Ayrault’s name is pronounced Ayro, which in Arabic translates to “his penis.”

Arab media outlets, struggling with their headlines, issued spelling edicts like drunken sailors. Spell it Aro. No, spell it Ayro. No, no no, Haro. How about Aygho? Oh hell, just do what Dubai-based Al Bayan newspaper did, use his first name: “Hollande Inaugurates his Mandate by Appointing Jean-Marc as Prime Minister.”

Realizing the cock-up, the French foreign ministry was right on the balls:

The potential for embarrassment prompted France’s foreign ministry to put out a statement today as Ayrault took office with the recommended spelling in Arabic. The official solution would add the letters L and T to the transliteration. Arabic is a phonetic language where normally all letters are pronounced, unlike French where these two letters in “Ayrault” are silent.

There will be no end to the jokes. Ayrault’s underlings will be saying, “Oh, and what does His Penis want now?” As far as the Arab media goes, we hope that nothing big happens in Kissimmie Florida because Kissimmie translates to “my mother’s cunt”.

 
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{ 156 comments }

nounverb911 May 17, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Is this another Lindsey Graham post?

BornInATrailer May 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Lindsey would love to make a ham biscuit with that.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Lindsey's so happy, he's making air biscuits over that.

George Spelvin May 17, 2012 at 2:11 pm

"air biscuits" is a definite keeper.

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Prolly not. Miss Lindsay wouldn't complain, she'd just take it like a man.

V572 Is this him? May 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

"A friend of mine just told me that if you have four children on welfare in France, they give you a car."

A friend of mine told me about a person she heard about who put their poodle in the microwave.

Government by urban legend. How can it fail? I heard from some woman about how it always works.

RavenRant May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I got forwarded emails about each of the above from various elderly crackpots, so – confirmed, 100% factual!

prommie May 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

The penis wants what the penis wants.

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

That's it. I'll be in Paree' for the wingnut revolution, mes amis.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:19 pm

Les têtes qui explosent?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

Gay Paree!

So will we!

BarbdarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

Odd, those Arabs never had any problem referring to W as "that dick."

proudgrampa May 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Well played, sir!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

And they weren't even laughing when they said it.

Gratuitous World May 17, 2012 at 12:06 pm

i call my penis the "Prime Minister" and only 6 arabs have had a problem with it.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:39 am

WIN

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm

What's the big deal? Our leader was a Bush.

sharethegrief May 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Our leader actually was a Dick.

proudgrampa May 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

I saw what you did, there.

Lascauxcaveman May 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

True story: My own mother was a Hoare up until the day she married my dad.

But Grandmama didn't become a Hoare until she married Gramps.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

And a dick.

SteveMcCroskey May 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm

British Labour politician Ed Balls was unavailable for comment.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Jesus! At least his first name isn't "Harry."

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:39 am

He was too busy eating his spotted dick.

Lucidamente1 May 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The same thing happened here when Herbert Hoover nominated Heywood Jablomie to be his Secretary of War.

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

The Republicans really got behind his Energy Sec, Amanda Huggenkiss.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

In fairness, his first choice couldn't be found "Where is he? Can you point him out in the chamber? Who's Dick Hertz?"

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:34 pm

And everyone replied, in a rousing chorus, "Mine!"

Barb May 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm

"Kissimmie translates to “my mother’s cunt”."
Sissimmie translates to "my sister's cunt"

See, learning a new language isn't that hard.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

This is what linguists call "verbal nouns," where a name becomes the action describing it.

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Very cunning.

mavenmaven May 17, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Actually, the vulgar term is the first syllable, technically referring to your sister's vj would be kus-uchtak (the universally used insult is kus-ummak, your mother's vj).

Barb May 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm

It was meant to be a joke, Max.

natoslug May 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Everything's funny to you wonket!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:36 pm

I know, but sometimes you pick up all this cool weird information. Now I know how to say "Your sister's cunt" in — hey, waitaminnit, wut's this language?

mavenmaven May 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I take my Arabic very seriously, being the only Arabic translator for the US military, and all I know are the swear words. But I wasn't gay, so they hired me.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

I take my snark very much not seriously.
That's cool about being an Arabic translator! How long did it take you to learn to do this?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

Wow. I swear, you can find out EVERYTHING on teh Wonketz. Thanks.

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Ever been to, (through, in a car), Kissimmie? That's no "translation", Wonkadears.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

Er … I really do not want to be thinking about my Momma's veejay, given that it's in an advanced state of er …

(Strikes Florida off list of places to EVER visit, be caught dead in, etc.)

Blueb4sunrise May 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It's P-E-N-I-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BaldarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Dangit.

Infrogmation May 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

P-E-N-I-S goes into Paris and ruptures austerity.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:41 am

This is comment of the week, Rebecca.

BaldarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Maybe they could just spell it out like that lady in Nebraska.

Blueb4sunrise May 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

I'd like to thank all those earlier in comments that made this possible by not wishing to resort to the obvious.

SorosBot May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

They should just follow the American media's lead and never report on foreign news.

BornInATrailer May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

He should totally adopt that "my dick/yo dick" song for his campaign.

Limeylizzie May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

OT But Donna Summer has died, I bet Charlie Crist is weeping.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I am so bummed about this. I am listening to "Heaven Knows" right now.

Limeylizzie May 17, 2012 at 12:17 pm

I may have wild , promiscuous sex with random people I meet in bars, to bring back that Donna Summers magic for me.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Um, which bars?

You know, for a friend.

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 12:12 pm

That old bitch wouldn't know taste if it hit him in the wig.

littlebigdaddy May 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Naked in the bathtub?

Fare la Volpe May 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

She had to have a partner what did away with her.

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:41 am

Too soon!

BaldarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

First Whitney Houston, now Donna Summer. Mariah Carey better watch her step if she doesn't want to complete the triumvirate of death.

proudgrampa May 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

I thot Dick Clark completed the triumvirate…

BaldarTFlagass May 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Not black or female enough.

HistoriBarb May 17, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Personally, I'm a little worried about Gloria Gaynor.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:22 pm

Nah, he's more an "I Will Survive" queen

Mumbletypeg May 17, 2012 at 12:25 pm

It is on topic, LL:
French malaprops >> Dignitaries feigning obliviousness >> Marie Antoinette>> her famous adage, "Let them eat cake/ Out in the Rain"

proudgrampa May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I haz a sad.

In the 70's, I spent a lot of time in discotheques. Donna's music was de rigueur.

nounverb911 May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Ah! Gay Paree!

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

Hey! I just said that.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Réveillez-vous, moutonnes! (Wake up, sheeple!)

Technically, "moutommes"

/ pedant

lisawines May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I just took sheep – mouton – and people – personnes – and stuck 'em together. :-)

mavenmaven May 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Wonkette is just a regular language lab today. 귀여운!

James Michael Curley May 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Next he will appoint Jean Valjean and that roll will disappear.

Barb May 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Now I will have Susan Boyle's singing stuck in my head all day, thanks! : )

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Links in the main article now open in a new window! Way to service Wonkette power-users!

God, I'm pathetic.

(But not so pathetic that I will not request, one more time, an "expand-all" button in the comments.)

Blueb4sunrise May 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

OCCUPY!! OCCUPY!!!

freakishlywrong May 17, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"Expand all" is very apropos for a blog that delights in dick jokes, non, Chet?

Lascauxcaveman May 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Think big, Chet. if you're going to make a request that will almost certainly be ignored, make a request for 'Expand All' to be the default mode.

(A Wonkèur can dream, can't he? Le sigh.)

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 1:23 pm

If you look at the source code for the page in your browser, the replies are all there, just waiting for the Wonkette service dept. to slap a button on it.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

I think the non-default Expand All is due in some part to the algorithm ID uses to calculate pee points. You get P for people clicking through to read commenters' replies to your comments.

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Oh for fuck's sake.

Lascauxcaveman May 17, 2012 at 2:39 pm

Eh, my Pee is big enough. I just want to give my right hand a rest.

(No, no, no. I'm talking about repeatedly clicking my mouse. No! My computer mouse, dammit.)

lisawines May 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I've been wondering if you guys would like that or not. So I'm glad you do. :-)

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

Yay Chet!

NorbertsRevenge May 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Aimes-tu Ayrault? Wee wee!

SorosBot May 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Maybe the Arabic media can intentionally mispronounce his name, like ours does with the city of Phucket, and John Boehner.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm

Odd how they get Balls, UK spot on

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:43 am

And Beijing.

SexySmurf May 17, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I wonder what Egyptian President Suq Madiq thinks?

BTWBFDIMHO May 17, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Ceci n'est pas une baguette.

littlebigdaddy May 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

c'est un batard!

lisawines May 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

C'est une baguette magique!

johnnyzhivago May 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

Penises can't be prime minister – that's right in Sharia law!

Callyson May 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

A friend of mine just told me that if you have four children on welfare in France, they give you a car

To the extent that this is meant to be a serious comment, that person is probably talking about the subsidies that the French government gives to families because they are concerned about the graying of France:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/arti

Of course, another way to maintain a sizable number of young people in your populatin would be to stop freaking out about immigration…somehow, I think the wingnuts will go for the "handouts" first…

sullivanst May 17, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Especially when we already know they want to encourage white procreation in an attempt to arrest the darkening of Amurkkka

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Er, yea, but they say nothing about "on welfare". If anything, France is all about work:

"French society encourages mothers to work," Staub said. "The way work hours and vacation time are organized also helps families a lot. I have 36 days of paid holidays per year — it's great to spend time with your children."

Chichikovovich May 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

A handy rhetorical trick that: if the government provides something for everyone with four children, a fortiori they do it for people with for children on welfare. So: "if you have four children on welfare….blah blah, multiple exclamation marks".

It works for US politics too, of course: "If you have four children on welfare and you buy some gasoline from a company, the government will give that company billions of dollars of subsidies!!!!!!!!!!"

Callyson May 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Ooh, how the wingnuts would freak out if they saw that quote…valuing mother's work as work? Making sure that moms who are not Mrs Mittens can stay home if they want to? Socializm!

not that Radio May 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm

"Even if you have a child 2 years of age, you need to go to work."

-Mitt Romney, former honorary Frenchman

Gratuitous World May 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Ayrault to speak at Fort Wayne's Harry Baals Conference Center.

RIP!

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I think they moved that to French Lick, Fort Wayne being a bit busy.

Chichikovovich May 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Except of course they renamed it the Baals and Bird Center.

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 1:21 pm

The back-court of Bird and Diz was the greatest in Celtics history. Oh wait…

George Spelvin May 17, 2012 at 2:18 pm

LOLJazzBallers?

BTWBFDIMHO May 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

It's ok, as long as Ayrault doesn't translate as Le Pen.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Now THAT's a dick.

littlebigdaddy May 17, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Has he announced M. Dildo as Minister of Housing yet?

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Dildeau, to you, bud.

SayItWithWookies May 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The Arab media better come up with a solution soon — because if 'His Penis' is hard for more than four hours, they'll have to get medical help.

OneYieldRegular May 17, 2012 at 1:20 pm

You can see the headlines now: "Ayrault Comes Down Hard on Greek Withdrawal Plan."

Callyson May 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Also, O/T alert: Donna Summer just died.

actor212 May 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Wow. She was only 63. What a shock.

Billmatic May 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Lets go to France so we can french kiss some French girls.

ooooooooooOOOOOoooooohooooooooo

Mumbletypeg May 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm

You can french-kiss in the U.S.A. if you're blondie enough~

Arkoday May 17, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I prefer the Australian kiss. (Same as French, but down under)

FakaktaSouth May 17, 2012 at 12:16 pm

This is the first time I have ever heard of a French person TELLING people to mispronounce a French word – I thought they were particularly particular about that. I would have thought they would be used to being called dicks by now anyway. (I love France and all French people. I also love a pervy Thursday, Merci!)

CountryClubJihadi May 17, 2012 at 12:17 pm

Al-Jizzera should be able to handle this.

chicken_thief May 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

You'd think they would have been all over this before it came to a head.

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 12:18 pm

The film "Mary Poppins" is heavily edited in Arabic-speaking countries, because "Chim Chim Cher-ee" is a sexual act involving an eggplant and an ottoman.

DashBarb Buddha May 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

the person or the footstool? Both?

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Oh, forgive me, "Ottoman." My fake Arabic is a bit rusty.

DashBarb Buddha May 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

I dunno…sex with furniture and vegetables. It could work. Damn! Rule 34.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:48 pm

Ataman.

vulpes82 May 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Those Turks are filthy pervs.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Is that a complaint, or a plaintive hope?

DashBarb Buddha May 17, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Just be grateful he's not from Fucking, Austria.

proudgrampa May 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Wow. I learn something new every day on Wonkette. It's educational!

Thank you for that!

Generation[redacted] May 17, 2012 at 12:53 pm

On the vacation itinerary, check.

Interesting that it was founded by a guy named Fuck-O (okay, it's Focko but I like my spelling better).

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Fucking Austria has a lot to answer for!

hagajim May 17, 2012 at 12:26 pm

Wait until he brokers his first peace treaty, I can see the headline now. "Penis inks Peace Treaty"

Generation[redacted] May 17, 2012 at 12:34 pm

The headlines just write themselves, don't they?

"Penis unites a divided nation"
"Penis survives no-confidence vote"
"Penis rides wave of popular support"
"Thousands cheer Penis"
"Penis caught in phone-hacking scandal"

Lascauxcaveman May 17, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Mr. Ayrault’s name is pronounced Ayro, which in Arabic translates to “his penis.”

IF ANY OF YOU ARABS GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? JUST GO BACK TO ARABLAND AND DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT. THIS IS FRANCE, AND WE SPEAK ENGLISH HERE.

Generation[redacted] May 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm

The official solution would add the letters L and T to the transliteration.

Allow me to be the first to congratulate Mr Plenist.

lisawines May 17, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I had to look that up, and found it in the Nuttall Encyclopedia.

Mumbletypeg May 17, 2012 at 12:31 pm

chokes on his penis

Then how well do his panics fare in Arabs' estimation?

calliecallie May 17, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Ayrault’s underlings will be saying, “Oh, and what does His Penis want now?”

He's the prime minister. I suspect his underlings would be saying that no matter what his name meant in Arabic or any other language.

pdiddycornchips May 17, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I bet he's offering all the pretty French girls a position on his staff.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I bet they're all purchasing knuckledusters for their response.

mrblifil May 17, 2012 at 12:37 pm

This is why I am voting third party this year. BIG DICK McCOCKENBALLZ in 2012!!

Mahousu May 17, 2012 at 12:39 pm

A friend of mine just told me that if you have four children on welfare in France, they give you a car.

Well, sort of. Actually, it's a Citroën.

George Spelvin May 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm

So, not really?

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:48 am

Burn!

Arkoday May 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Maybe it's 'my pianist'?

I've never considered it an issue before, appointing my penis as Prime Minister. You mean…you guys don't?

Mumbletypeg May 17, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Suggested alt-Text: "Go ask Phallus"

MiniMencken May 17, 2012 at 1:12 pm

Funny, the Chinese never gave us alt-spelling suggestions for all of their politicos named Dong, Dung or Poon. I sense a double standard at work here. Well, can't think any more about this. I have to go recover my snooker table with a new piece of baize.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

There have never been any Chinese politicians named Poon.

Which is a pity, as I know quite a few Poons who might do well in politics.

MiniMencken May 17, 2012 at 3:40 pm

O really? Never? Even if it's the 37th most common last name in China? However, my favorite Poon is an actress, Poon Dik-wah. Sort of a bonus plan name, you might say.

George Spelvin May 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Baizing your s'nooky table, eh?

MiniMencken May 17, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Mais oui, Georges! It will be placed in my baisodrome away from home.

OneYieldRegular May 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

So what's the problem? This is about as French as things can ever get.

natoslug May 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

How many kids do I need to have to get a new set of tires? I don't need a whole car, and I really don't want to have 4 kids.

Bonghits4Jesus May 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

When Jean-Marc Ayrault (penis) meets Vladimir Putin (whore/fucking), they'll have a great time together!

Chow Yun Flat May 17, 2012 at 1:35 pm

His Penis? No big deal–Michelle Yeoh's first husband was named Dickson Poon.

elburritodeluxe May 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm

That's a mis-translation. It's actually Nouveau Président Cocque!

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Le Coq Sportif!

Neoyorquino May 17, 2012 at 3:00 pm

This isn't so unusual. There are a lot of politicians whose names translate to "what a dick."

swordfis May 17, 2012 at 5:49 pm

Réveillez-vous, moutonnes! (Wake up, sheeple!)

Maybe "Réveillez-vous, peuploutonnes!?"

Negropolis May 18, 2012 at 2:35 am

which in Arabic translates to “his penis.”

Wait, as opposed to "her penis"? How progressive!

Ha ha! Prime Minister He-Penis!

ttommyunger May 18, 2012 at 11:40 pm

So? Lots of names here mean "penis"….Ted Nugent, Rush Limbagh, Mitt Romney…….

Chet Kincaid May 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Monk was a character! He would get up in the middle of a tune, do that funny little move of his, and then casually drain a "three" over Moses Malone.

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