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Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’

SnobEach day is an adventure for Mike Huckabee. Some days he’s all happy and a-slappin’ the bass and whizzing off churchy jokes to his elderly fan base, other days he’s angry as a constipated cockatoo in search of the great release. (Other days he is a leading possibility for President of the United States of America, but hopefully those days are over.) What’s his fucking problem now? Something about “morally repugnant political whores,” one of the more redundant phrases out there.

He’s working with the famously populist grassroots democracy defenders at Citizens United to start something called “Obama Fundraising Watch,” something that would be much easier were it not for the limited fundraising transparency that came in the wake of the Citizens United Supreme Court ruling. “In his administration and now on his reelection campaign,” Huckabee writes in a letter supporting this new venture, “President Obama has surrounded himself with morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics.” From Buzzfeed:

FFFFFFFFuckabees!

And now here’s a video of Mike Huckabee slappin’ the bass with a non-morally repugnant political whore without misshapen values and gutter-level ethics:

Related video

[Buzzfeed]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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130 comments

  1. NorthStarSpanx

    My misshapen values are tarted up beautifully with a little spanx thank you very much!

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    "morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics"

    I thought those were the minimum requirements to go into politics.

    1. Jus_Wonderin

      OT, sorta: The other day I went to Network Solutions to see if a certain website was avaiable. It was, in all the suffixes.

      About two days later I get an auto-email from NS asking "….if I was still interesting in purchasing 'SarahPalinIsACunt<dot>com'"?

      I snortled coffee on my morning monitor.

  3. HippieEsq

    Let's play word association…who do YOU think of when you hear the phrase "morally repugnant poltical whore" (other than Ted Nugent, duh)….I'll go with….

    Tom DeLay.

  4. Baconzgood

    “Mitt has surrounded himself with morally repugnant Wall Street whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics.”

    FIXED

    1. Callyson

      "The Republican Party has surrounded itself with morally repugnant Wall Street whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics.”

      /expanded

      1. Baconzgood

        I don't remember saying that to you. Was I drunk? 'Cause it SOUNDS like somthing I'd say.

        1. WhatTheHeck

          “Friends don’t let friends go off half-cocked.”

          That’s something you would say.

  5. mavenmaven

    Obama is surrounded by Catholics? Isn't that how this type of fundie traditionally understands the "whore of babylon"? Must be hard for these guys to remember who all their whores are all the time.

    1. Negropolis

      Well, the Protestants were againast the Catholics until a Blah got in the White House. At the moment, they are the best of frenemies.

  6. Arken

    “In his administration and now on his reelection campaign,” Huckabee writes in a letter supporting this new venture, “President Obama has surrounded himself with morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics.”

    "And despite that, he never asked me!"

    1. Chichikovovich

      I know we are posting in the new, Quaker Wonkette, so I'll choose my words carefully: If James Jamerson and Rick Danko were still alive, Huckabee wouldn't be for long.

      1. Baconzgood

        I always found writing "Under the old rules I would have said" before I say anything that could get Wonkette mad at me now, works well.

        1. Baconzgood

          A Quick One While He's Away (the live version that the Stones were pissed off about) is the best Who song in my world.

        2. jqheywood

          Let's not forget the recently departed Donald "Duck" Dun….

          ….Cause I'm a soul man….

  7. DaRooster

    He should surround himself with clean, nice fellas, like the Koch Bros., Trump, Rupert… you know, folks that know what this country needs to help people feel better about their country and that will help the middle class rise up…

  8. Texan_Bulldog

    "morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics." Mikey must be looking in the mirror seeing that he used to be a preacher but totally threw Jesus & Arkansas under the bus for the more lucrative Fox gig.

  9. edgydrifter

    Misshapen values and gutter-level ethics are my best features. Don't be a hater, Huck.

  10. SorosBot

    “President Obama has surrounded himself with morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics.”

    Wait, Obama's surrounded himself with fundamentalist Christians like Huckabee?

  11. weejee

    ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’

    As opposed to Karl Rove and Dick Tuck??

    / illogicality reaches critical mass and brain has thermonuke asplosion.

  12. EatsBabyDingos

    Huckabee, Pawlenty and Nugent formed a band called "The Irellevants." Causes cats to sleep in a room full of rocking chairs.

  13. Weenus299

    I'm more upset with the misplaced comma in the first graph that makes me want to call him a morally repugnant political whore and comma misplacer.

  14. SayItWithWookies

    "…morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics."

    That's my kinda crowd, Huckabee, you sanctimonious, overstuffed, crypto-theocratic, sadistic, talentless, reactionary, two-bit North Louisianan inbred hack.

    1. Chichikovovich

      It's about the desire for an activity that is absolutely 100% OK with the Big Guy upstairs as long as you get saved afterwards. Or, if you're already saved, as long as you beg forgiveness for your "backsliding".

  15. actor212

    morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics

    Why, yes! Some of my best friends ARE Republicans!

  16. Blueb4sunrise

    Bammz is just surrounding himself with the morally repugnant so that he can show them the error of their ways…..and convert them to Islam.

  17. Chet Kincaid

    The Viggo-Mortensen-looking drummer wisely plays behind giant Perspex screens to keep the "Nuge" and the "Huckabee" from infecting him like Hep-C.

  18. Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    Methinks Ted never offered to mouth-fuck Mike Huckabee's press corps.

  19. valthemus

    It's funny how Huckabee seems to imply that Republicans *aren't* political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics. Hasn't he met Frank Luntz?

  20. Jus_Wonderin

    No, Huck. We can't agree. Snark off: So the day Obama was sworn in is when the US offically went to pot? Fuck you Huck! Fuck your lack of memory of the fuckin' Bush years!

    1. finallyhappy

      Did you forget President Obama is black? What more explanation is necessary for the GOP base?

  21. KommunistKitty

    As a self-identified morally repugnant whore, I am deeply offended at being lumped in with the "political."

  22. TootsStansbury

    He has nerve calling others misshapen. Strong rat characteristics with this one; but fleshy too. I'm going to have to go with rat-Jabba.

  23. BaldarTFlagass

    You know what else is really morally repugnant? Raising up a son in such a manner that he would actually torture and kill a dog. A fucking dog. That is just fucking disgusting. This whole country is going to pot. Talk about misshapen values.

  24. Chet Kincaid

    Later, Huckabee brought out his wife to sit stage-left on a stool while they serenaded her with a tender, acoustic version of "Wango Tango."

  25. Wile E. Quixote

    Hey Mike you morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics, how many cop killers and murdering rapists has President Obama pardoned? Oh wait, unlike you, that would be none. He hasn't even pardoned any drunk drivers like your good friend and colleague Haley Barbour. So why don't you shut the fuck up, and don't assume that because you have "Reverend" in front of your name that you'll be spared an ass-kicking if you ever set foot in Washington State.

    1. Chichikovovich

      Now Wile E., be fair. It's true that Wayne Dumond was let out of jail thanks to Huckabee's intercession, and it's true that Dumond then went on to rape and murder two more young women. But there were good reasons: Dumond claimed to have converted to evangelical Christianity, and even more important, one of his earlier victims had been a third cousin of Bill Clinton.

      1. Wile E. Quixote

        So you're saying that when confronted with an evangelical Christian I should stand my ground in case he's a murdering rapist who was pardoned by Mike Huckabee. OK, I can work with that.

      2. Boojum

        In Arkansas, finding two people who aren't at least third cousins is the hard part.

  26. dadanarchist

    “morally repugnant political whores"

    Ew. Sounds like pillow-talk between Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson.

    ….. guess which one's the bottom…..

  27. MozakiBlocks

    "morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics."

    Ok, I can't stand Mike Huckabee but I am so writing this insult down to use on someone.

  28. sullivanst

    If Huckabee ever needs a job, any cinema would be overjoyed to have him. He's a true master of projection.

  29. FakaktaSouth

    Is he just being a dick because he's all big and fat again? Calorically Repugnant much there, Mike?

    Also, Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang.

        1. prommie

          Sometimes I have to leave my office, my windowless cell of horror in which I grow old and cynical, and do some workin' away from the computer. But when I get back, the first thing I do is go to Wonkette and check to see what gems Fakakta has left for me.

          1. FakaktaSouth

            And I am going to do what I can to not think about what kind of weirdo I am for grinning. Ah well, I am glad you got to have a field trip today anyway I suppose.

          2. FakaktaSouth

            Oh wow. People I know would be braggin on fb about being that close to the Lincoln Tunnel. Perspective is everything.

  30. Eve8Apples

    Morally Repugnant Political Whores is the name of my new band.

    And we're looking for a bass player Mike.

  31. GeneralLerong

    Drat that Jesus, sitting down to lunch with publicans and sinners. Setting a bad example for Christians everywhere.

  32. Tundra Grifter

    "…a-slappin’ the bass…"

    Is that the maritime version of choking the chicken?

  33. rickmaci

    "morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics"

    I assume he means Rethuglican K Street lobbyists.

    1. bagofmice

      The food is so crappy on k street. They must be making a fortune off of lobbyists charging lunch on their credit card.

  34. Karma_Suture

    What's all this I hear about Orally repugnant Popsicle stores?

    Emiley that's "morally repugnant political whores."

    Oh…. nevermind

  35. smitallica

    A note to anyone in politics out there:

    If Ted Nugent or Chuck Norris strongly agree with you, you're wrong.

  36. Troglodeity

    Of course, he's not using the word "whores" to refer to a specific gender. No "Republican War on Women" to be seen here, just move along …

  37. Troglodeity

    I guess we'll never know specifically who Huckabee's referring to as "morally repugnant political whores with misshapen values and gutter ethics," because, hey, that wouldn't be Christian and all.

  38. Troglodeity

    You're all wrong: Huckabee is actually complimenting the President. He didn't call Obama himself a morally repugnant political whore with misshapen values and gutter-level ethics. It's just that poor Obama has surrounded himself with creatures like Robert Gates, Ray LaHood, and Jon Huntsman.

  39. GeorgiaBurning

    I see Huck never outgrew the "I know you are but what am I?" tactic of debate.

    1. finallyhappy

      which senator did that while in med school? Adopted shelter cats and then killed them to practice anatomy. True story

  40. DrunkIrishman

    What a fat, miserable, ugly fuck. I know it's been a few years since you saw your dick, but you don't have to take it out on the rest of humanity.

  41. Veritas78

    Huckabee works on behalf of Citizens United, and then complains when the president responds to the judgement in favor of Citizens United by adopting the very tactics that Citizens United sued to allow.

    Okay, then.

  42. Negropolis

    Hey, Fuck-a-bee. Call me when your party decides to kick the money-changers out of the temple. Kay-thanx-bi.

  43. didgen

    I don't know, I think I kind of like the place better since it started going to pot. Now, where did I put that vaporizer?

  44. ttommyunger

    "Repugnant and misshapen"? Project much Mikey? (I had to post this link on twitter & fb, too rich to pass up)

  45. gurukalehuru

    Huckabee's kid, Mitt Romney, that donor of Mitt's that killed and BBQed a dog – it's starting to seem like animal abuse is almost as common in the Republican party as closeted homosexuality. Well, maybe not THAT common.

Comments are closed.