World Net Daily Declares Obama’s Love Letters Fraudulent, For No Real Reason

  the vetting

Would you trust this man with your children?Those Obama love letter excerpts that Vanity Fair ran a couple of weeks ago were the best thing that happened to low-end wingnut grifter consortium World Net Daily since forever — it gave them a new opportunity to call some new Obama thing totally fake, because… well, look at them, they’re clearly bullshit. Letters. Pfft. Why won’t the mainstream media spuriously declare them fake? Because they don’t have the brains of a Doctor Jack Cashill, the supreme linguistico-syntactical Indiana Jones of wordsleuthery and anti-truth discovery who’s most famous for pointing out that Bill Ayers wrote Dreams from My Father. Cashill argues that Obama couldn’t have written those letters, because (a) UMLAUTS? (b) he doesn’t like Obama (c) they don’t sound at all like the writing in Dreams from My Father, which, again, Obama didn’t write, but still.

Here’s the meat of Cashill’s argument: We all know that Obama is too stupid to include an umlaut in his writing, because look at him, he’s an idiot. Also, this supposed “college Obama” name-dropped someone whom Jack Cashill had never heard of until now, as if that were possible. Cashill was an Honors English student, ahem:

Recall that Obama, in the words of friendly biographer David Remnick, was an “unspectacular” student. A Northwestern University prof who wrote a letter of reference for Obama reinforces the point, telling Remnick, “I don’t think [Obama] did too well in college.”

And yet writing longhand, presumably from memory, Obama has the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer. In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor, not a political science major like Obama. I had not even heard of Münzer before reading this letter.

Obama’s writing in these letters is nothing like his writing in the Bill Ayers book Dreams from My Father, either. As if someone might use a completely different writing style in pretentious college-age academic musings than one would in a memoir (which, again, he didn’t write)? And these letters are written about nice, white people — not the CRAZY BLACKS who were the subject of every course he ever took:

 
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Nowhere in “Dreams” is there any mention of T.S. Eliot, Münzer or Yeats, or any of the themes in this letter that so excited Adam Hirsch. As Obama tells it, he and his pals “discussed neocolonialism, Franz Fanon, Eurocentrism, and patriarchy.” This I can believe.

Totally missing from “Dreams,” too, are the more exotic words in the letter to McNear: ecstatic, mechanistic, asexual, stoical, moribund, reactionary, fertility, dichotomy, irreconcilable, ambivalence, plus “hazard” and “counter” used as verbs, as in “I will hazard these statements” and “Counter him with Yeats and Pound.”

Ugh, bring back Breitbart.

[WND]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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195 comments

  1. nounverb911

    "Ugh, bring back Breitbart."
    No thanks, let Breitbart get his daily schtupping from Satan.

      1. WhatTheHeck

        no. he meant it in the harsh German clip, not the delicacy of the French language.

        1. harobedyelsnit

          I was, unsuccessfully it seems, trying to be funny, but you make a good point.

          1. BornInATrailer

            I got your angle. I appreciated it.

            Unfortunately, the best joke doesn't always get the loudest applause. I was very proud of my "you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs" alteration below. Yet it got a paltry amount of pee points. Calling this guy a douche and just adding an umlaut is liking shooting WND writers in a barrel of poison rat dicks.

            Sadly, Wonketteers just aren't as clever as they'd like to think and you have to play down to them.

            Haha, just kidding. Balls! Butt sechs! Retard!

  2. Dr_Zoidberg

    Everyone knows those colored folks can't write no good nohow!

    Seriously, what will they find about President Obama to pick on next?

    1. SayItWithWookies

      Finding stuff sounds like work — they're just gonna keep making shit up instead.

  3. philpjfry

    Will the man never get any credit for anything? Are we sure his daughters are his? Fucking morons

    1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Anybody who can look at his older daughter and say that she is not her father's child will surely be fried by lightning where they stand. She looks as much like him as he looks like his grandfather Stanley Dunham.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Yeah! Right! Because if he actually had had daughters, they would look like Trayvon Martin, which those so-called daughters don't. He admitted it himself!!

  4. fartknocker

    The President taught Constitutional Law at one of those high-browed, snooty Uni-vers-ities in Chicago. Our former president owned a baseball team and had problems conjugating a sentence.

    Me thinks Dr. Cashill is a stupid douche who has an honorary Doctorate degree from Devry University.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Bush's love letters were obviously not faked:

      Deer Laura:

      I like u. Do u lik me?
      ___Yes
      ___No
      ___Mabee

  5. OkieDokieDog

    Hope this guy's heart isn't all full of slobby fat like Brietbart's was, cause if he croaks in the next 20 years it will be Obama's doing.

  6. Wile E. Quixote

    And yet writing longhand, presumably from memory, Obama has the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer.

    Yet WND readers, writing in crayon, or, as Joseph Farah prefers, their own feces, have the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the u in Führer. Dude, I've got news for you, knowing where to use an umlaut is not the hard part of speaking German.

    1. MaxUdargo

      That he thinks Obama was writing the letter from memory shows he doesn't get it at all. Obama was a guy in college trying to get in the pants of a chick who liked to talk about Yeats and guys with umlauts in their names. Obama probably had a stack of books three feet high on his desk when he wrote that letter, and at least one of them was a thesaurus.

  7. V572 Is this him?

    Give him a break. English majors don't get too many chances to display their unique expertise in real life. For instance, I'll bet no one else here can define "objective correlative" without looking it up. That just kills at parties. And chicks start getting moist the minute you talk about Anthony Trollope's Palliser novels.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      I like the Barsetshire novels, haven't read the Palliser series. Rereading Barchester Towers at the moment–love that wacky Signora Neroni!

      1. V572 Is this him?

        Got into the Pallisers after watching a BBC dramatization. The Barsetshire books didn’t work for me, I must confess. Wouldn’t have thought anything could make me appreciate foxhunting, but Trollope’s descriptions are persuasive.

        1. sullivanst

          The Beeb's adaptation of the first two Barsetshire novels was well executed, with Obadiah Slope very well played by a young Alan Rickman.

          1. faster_kittycat

            Thanks for this. I couldn't remember the name of the adaptation that featured "the odious Mr. Slope". Alan Rickman was fabulous in that role.

  8. GuyClinch

    Yes, these incredibly exotic words! Even this "Honors English" major is confounded by them! Words like "ecstatic," "asexual," [?!??!] "reactionary" [uh-huh, sure], "fertility", "irreconcilable", and "ambivalence." What is all this? Kenyan swahili or something? (Note to Cashill: be prepared to learn "irreconcilable [differences]" when your wife files for "divorce")

  9. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Wait just a goddamn minute here….you mean to say that when writing a letter about literature to a girl he wanted to impress, and when writing a book about politics for a campaign audience, someone used totally different WORDS?????

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      The real scandal is that he used words at all. I just send photocopies of my schlong.

  10. weejee

    Doctor Jack Cashill is seriously showing he don't know jack. Let's start with the stupideo comb-over. Well let's not, but how can we not when it's so ridiculous? But since all comb-overs are, doesn't that speak to the intellectual honesty of the combee?

    / proudly pats his bald pate and picks up cream pie to address Cashill's far too smug smirky smile

  11. DaRooster

    "Bring back Brietbart."

    Uh, how about this douche nozzle go visit him…
    It really is ridiculous how these fucking people have nothing better to do than to dream up stupid shit like this and actually "comment" about it.

  12. BaldarTFlagass

    Hell, I didn't go to no fancy east coast school, just the good ole University of Texas, and even with that kind of minimalist education, I know where to put the umlaut in Motley Crüe and Blue Öyster Cult.

  13. Reginald_Perrin

    Actually it was Cyrano de Bergerac who wrote those letters, I thought everyone knew that.

  14. jodyleek

    Are Cashill's eyes always that squinty or is he having a hard time tolerating his own stink?

  15. BaldarTFlagass

    "I know those letters aren't written by a black man because the greeting is not " 'Sup, Beyotch." or "Yo, ho." "

  16. Wile E. Quixote

    Well hey Jack Cashill, in college I was a political science major, an M60 tank crewman and a short order cook not an honors English student like you (fag, and how hard is it to be an honor student in English anyways?) and classics minor (Wow Jack, you minored in classics. How incredibly superfagtacular. Do you spend a lot of time with Victor David Hanson discussing the Greeks and fapping over the beach volleyball scene in Top Gun and Gerard Butler's abs in 300) and I'd never heard of Münzer either. On the other hand I knew a completely lame argument when I saw one.

      1. doloras

        And because there was an entire communist-Nazi-Kenyan-Muslim conspiracy working behind the scenes to get "The Chosen One" into power. Apparently.

  17. SayItWithWookies

    "Totally missing from “Dreams,” too, are the more exotic words in the letter to McNear: ecstatic, mechanistic, asexual, stoical, moribund, reactionary, fertility, dichotomy, irreconcilable, ambivalence…"

    Also not in "Dreams from My Father" — love muscle, pubis mons, aureolae, silky thighs, velvet buzz-saw, carpet of raspberries and rose petals, foreplay marathon, delirious frenzied tangle of sweaty limbs, melted butter or earth-shattering orgasm. So clearly fraudulent.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      Oh, those are in the book, too, just not written by Obama. All you need to do is to check the marginal notes in copies belonging to women who post here. And a few of the guys, too.

  18. Terry

    " In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor, not a political science major like Obama. I had not even heard of Münzer before reading this letter."

    Yeah, well, I wouldn't exactly go around bragging about that.

    1. MadBrahms

      He also had to look up the word "baleful" (see Dreams kerfluffle)

      Look, I'm not insisting that everyone know GRE words or German classicists. But if your argument is "Obama says things I don't understand, so therefore he is a fake", you may want to re-evaluate your premises.

  19. chicken_thief

    I can't speak for Obummerz, but I know use the same writing style for my professional publications as I do in my hoping to get some pussy letters.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Is that how you do it? What about dick jokes and Hitler references? I always see these articles about the five things you should never put in your resume and they never mention dick jokes or Hitler references, but I don't know where to put them. Should I sprinkle them throughout the document or have a single section completely devoted to them?

      1. MadBrahms

        I usually put them in the "Other accomplishments" portion of my CV, or just add "ur mom" in the "Grants received" section.

  20. BornInATrailer

    Sorry but no, David. You can't fake an umlaut while out spreading a few legs.

  21. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Münzer was OK, but I thought The Addams Family was more reliably funny.

    1. Steverino247

      The movie or the TV show?

      I can't watch the TV show because of the fucking laugh track. Ugh, I always hated those.

      1. Doktor StrangeZoom

        Oh, god, that was terrible, all right. Then again, I was 9 when both were in syndication, and since both were from the same time, I'd be willing to bet that the Munsters had a laugh track too. (Hell, CBS even forced MASH to use one, against Larry Gelbart's preference). Despite some rare exceptions, laugh-track-free sitcoms are a relatively recent thing.

  22. Nostrildamus

    I have a few words for Dr. Cashill: mechanistic, asexual, moribund, reactionary.

    Douche-nozzle, also.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I'll hazard that he's ecstatically a douche-nozzle, no ambivalence there at all.

  23. Wile E. Quixote

    Totally missing from “Dreams,” too, are the more exotic words in the letter to McNear: ecstatic, mechanistic, asexual, stoical, moribund, reactionary, fertility, dichotomy, irreconcilable, ambivalence, plus “hazard” and “counter” used as verbs, as in “I will hazard these statements” and “Counter him with Yeats and Pound.”

    I'll hazard that the reason that Jack Cashill and the WND readership find words such as "ecstatic", "mechanistic", "asexual", "stoical", et al so exotic is because they have more than two syllables.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Wingnuts have a twenty word vocabulary.

      God
      Freedom
      Reagan
      Love
      evil-doer
      terrorist
      abortion
      ghey
      sinned
      tiffany's
      whore
      'mercan
      lame
      stream
      media
      church
      taxes
      cut

  24. Chet Kincaid

    Shit, Cashill found us out! I mean, even I had to go get a white boy from U. of C. to add extry vocaballary to my comments. I just slap him on the back and go, "Whassup, Favreau? Smarten up this bitch."

  25. FakaktaSouth

    You know what this makes me want to do? It makes me want to get this Cashill guy, attach one of those eyelid holder things to his face and MAKE him watch PresO do President things all over WashingtonDC and the world. It is clear that the main problem is that this black dude is pretending to also be Pres; I would like to force him to see him do it. He really does exist dude, it's OVER, he has been the real life Pres for almost 3 and half years now. Suck it.

  26. Oblios_Cap

    Totally missing from “Dreams,” too, are the more exotic words in the letter to McNear: ecstatic, mechanistic, asexual, stoical, moribund, reactionary, fertility, dichotomy, irreconcilable, ambivalence, plus “hazard” and “counter” used as verbs, as in “I will hazard these statements” and “Counter him with Yeats and Pound.”

    I personally expected to see a few 'albeits", but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I hazard to counter with the reason that Obama was just better than Ezra.

    He's totally correct. One's writing style never, as they say, "evolves" over time. For example, L. Ron Hubbard's writing sucked from the beginning of his career until he died.

    Monkeys, Shakespeare, etc.

  27. Callyson

    What say ye, Wiki, about this Jack Cashill character?

    NY. Cashill received his Ph.D. in American Studies from Purdue University in 1982…He has taught media and literature at Purdue and at other universities in the Kansas City area. He served as a Fulbright professor in Nancy, France.

    That's it, our educational system is irreparably damaged. And now we know why the French hate us, also, too.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      Wait, there's a an actual place called Nancy, France? Vacation location '12, solved!!!

    2. __kth__

      Ph.D., and now he's writing for the latter-day equivalent of a local John Birch Society newsletter. His parents must be so proud of him.

    3. Chichikovovich

      Translation:

      Cashill received his Ph.D. in American Studies from Purdue University in 1982… Cashill was admitted to a foggily defined interdisciplinary program in the humanities at a university that is known for science and engineering. He has taught media and literature at Purdue He headed some discussion sections of classes during his graduate studies, as all graduate students do. and at other universities in the Kansas City area. Post-PhD, he got a couple of adjunct jobs at schools so insignificant that it would be embarrassing to mention them. He served as a Fulbright professor in Nancy, France. He hooked on to a cultural exchange program for a year, where he taught English and showed American movies in the third largest city in the Alsace-Lorraine region.

      Basic rule of thumb: Anyone who gets a PhD and uses it as an excuse to call themselves "Doctor" is a pompous pseud.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Yeah, American Studies at Purdue in the 70s and 80s – why do I see him trying to run a "White Pride" support group and none of the corn fed engineers giving a crap?

        I'm still trying to figure out how PU would have even had a faculty capable of conferring a PhD in something that soft 30 years ago. Even today, majoring in any sort of non-hard science field is a mark of shame at West Lafayette. Maybe he went to IUPUI or IUPU Ft Wayne or one of the other dual appointment campuses.

  28. CapnFatback

    In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor

    Or what my rhet/comp brethren call "unemployable."

  29. mavenmaven

    Because of course we get that Kenyans can't possibly understand European literature, Jews shouldn't teach Shakespeare, but then why can this white fellow comment on Obama's writing?

  30. chicken_thief

    This is a no fucking brainer – Ayers wrote Dreams of My Father and Alinsky wrote the I want in your panties letters. Jeesh!!!

  31. CrunchyKnee

    English major, eh? Found some downtime while working at Starbucks to write that piece didn't ya Cashill? Just grab a fucking mop.

  32. Doktor StrangeZoom

    Hey, language mavens, you know what's far more outrageous? The fact that anyone, even headline writers, is actually using the malodororous coinage "Grexit" to refer to the possible Greek exit from the Euro.

  33. Mumbletypeg

    I, for one, compose my writings using the exact same language / tone/ vocabulary for all contexts and purposes. Indeed and also, I *speak* exactly as I write, as such. And, moresoever, even having knocked back one or three, my consistency in style across all communicative channels never wavers.

  34. OneYieldRegular

    In college, I was an Honors English student and a Classics minor, not a political science major like Obama. I had not even heard of Münzer before reading this letter.

    It really does Cashill no favors to advertise his incuriosity and intellectual inadequacy in this manner. Also, English major guy needs clean up his own web site; it's riddled with typographical errors.

  35. keinsignal

    Ah, yes, "The Argument from Personal Incredulity", always a sure winner with this crowd.

  36. MissTaken

    Not only did Bill Ayers write Obama's book for him but he also wrote the letters to get him laid? Usually the most a wingman does is talk up the hot girl's ugly friend. Ayers really stepped up to the plate on that one.

    1. keinsignal

      You're missing the big picture – this is all part of the radical left wing's breeding program for revolutionaries. And just wait 'til ObamaCare kicks in and the stem-cell cloning labs get going…

  37. Arken

    I wonder if Cashill says the same thing when he goes to doctors. "I've never heard of this 'hepatitis B' so it can't possibly be real."

  38. CapnFatback

    If I'm trying to get into the underthings of a hot, smart (is there a differece?) co-ed, you better believe I'm throwing in a few fucking umlauts.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Damn! Is that all it takes? Who knew? And to think, if I had used more umlauts in college I could have been getting more püßy! Get it, püßy?

        1. Wile E. Quixote

          Düde, relax. I wasn't calling you a püßy. I was talking about püßy, you know, like getting a piece of äß.

          1. CapnFatback

            Just a piece of äß is okay, but I'm bringing the Lysol if you try to take the äß(w)hole.

  39. Biel_ze_Bubba

    Well, it is nice to have solid proof that Bill Ayers did not write Obama's love letters. I'm glad that question's been put to rest.

  40. BaldarTFlagass

    Yo Cashill, I'm really happy for you, and I'ma let you finish, but Donald Trump has one of the best combovers of all time.

  41. Jus_Wonderin

    With no snark, I can say my writing style has evolved since college. I know I am not the best, but my present day writing has a clarity that my college day writing never had.

    Would that account for the "difference"?

    1. BaldarTFlagass

      I know my writing style has changed, especially with these last three years or so of sharpening my rapier-like wit on the Wonkette whetstone.

      1. Jus_Wonderin

        True. I must admit, sometimes my wit gets rapeier, but usually I have had too much to drink.

      2. Wile E. Quixote

        You sharpen your rapier-like wit at Wonkette? I usually do that sort of thing over at Spankwire. Oh wait, that's not a euphemism? Never mind then, and I've never heard of Spankwire.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Well, you certainly don't do the sort of literary reference laden "isn't this sexy" letter once you have a real job (like say, convincing people in low income housing to engage in political action) and learn that not everyone has the same love of obscure philosophers as Columbia co-eds.

  42. chicken_thief

    This is a little off topic, but has it ever occurred to any of these conspiracy theorists what it would mean if they were right?

    That is, if a man were smart/conniving/whatever enough to fake all these alleged fakes YEARS AGO on the off chance that he may someday run for POTUS, then he is one smart, conniving, whatever motherfucker,

    Exactly the kind of guy I want to run the country.

  43. UW8316154

    The irreconcilable dichotomy of ambivalence and ecstasy countered my reactionary impulses brought forth by the moribund man’s mechanistic, asexual and spastic gesticulations.

  44. BaldarTFlagass

    No doubt these letters were composed by the same person that faked his birth certificate.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      That makes a lot of sense. I always had a certain irreconciliable ambivalence about the mechanistic and asexual nature of President Obama's supposed long-form birth certificate.

  45. Klek

    Cashill clinches it for me! I used to think that you had to be a failed SNL alumni or egomaniac professor to get on the wing-nut gravy train but the field is obviously open to anyone with an IQ minimum of 50. Ugh, I guess that means MarineInsultedObamatogetKochCheck figured this out before I did.

  46. Poindexter718

    Yeah, cause when i was in college writing to a girl in the interest of getting some sexytime, I took care to avoid poetry and kept the discussion focused within my major–accounting.

    1. chicken_thief

      Nothing gets a girl's panties off quicker than some sexy time talk about "double entry ledgers" and "GAAP principles".

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      How'd that work out for you? I ask because I tried the same thing when I was trying to get sexytime and instead of using poetry kept the discussion focussed within my major, political science, and I got nowhere, despite what I felt were some damned good arguments as to why giving me a blowjob would be a Pareto-optimal outcome of a first date.

  47. ArthurEther

    Cashill knows that black men hate orange juice, Dockers and umlauts. It's just how they are.

  48. Billmatic

    Shhhutttup about patriarchy guys really, the women might leave the kitchen and google it and then we're REALLY gonna have a problem.

  49. __kth__

    I only had the wherewithal to attend a second-tier public university, but I'm pretty sure that word doesn't mean attention to detail or erudition or whatever Obama had supposedly never previously evinced.

  50. DerrickWildcat

    I didn't know my dad very well. Just well enough to know that I sure in the hell didn't want to know what his dreams were or anything else going on his head.

  51. TootsStansbury

    This one; screwy eyes – check. Rat (ferrets are too cute I'm changing to rat faced) face -check.

  52. didgen

    He can of course back up all of his claims with supremely devastating proof supplied by the international authority Mr. East-west-deep deep south-north. So there!

  53. Guppy

    And yet writing longhand, presumably from memory, Obama has the wherewithal to put an umlaut over the “u” in Münzer.

    Why, it's almost like spelling conventions in other languages are pretty fucking straightforward. Not that an honors English student would be aware of that…

  54. BerkeleyBear

    I love the selective cropping. Obama admitted he was a so-so student at Occidental, which was one of the reasons he had to get out of there. By all accounts to date, he kicked the crap out of his time at Columbia and Harvard Law School.. Also, the name dropping of semi-obscure thinkers has been documented as something Obama does with knowing audiences (it scored him serious nerd points with guys like George Will before they reflexively decided they had to hate him to death), but unsurprisingly not how he rolls in a State of the Union address. I can just see him dropping a Schroedinger or Schopenhauer reference on Congress – Joe Wilson would spontaneously combust from white rage.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I can just see him dropping a Schroedinger or Schopenhauer reference on Congress – Joe Wilson would spontaneously combust from white rage.

      That's "Schrödinger" damnit! Mit einem umlaut!

  55. Troglodeity

    I don't understand Professor CasshÖle's logic. It must be too advanced for me. Remember, Obama didn't release these love letters; his former girlfriend did. Are you saying she made them up? If so, who taught her about Munzer versus Münzer? Was it you, Bill Ayers? The mystery deepens! Perhaps Örly Taitz can help figure it all out.

    WE NEED THE ORIGINAL, LONG-FORM LOVE LETTERS!

  56. Troglodeity

    Where to begin: the carefully arranged combover, the plaid sportjacket, the smirky grin, and especially the thoughtful hand-under-chin pose …

    That mugshot is the stereotype of a college professor who thinks he's really hot stuff, but whose coed students think he's gross and laugh at him behind his back.

  57. owhatever

    Thank you for clearing that up, but I'm still back watching the Oily Titz campaign commercial.

  58. Wonkette, Refudiated

    I don't know why any of you are making such a fuss over the fact that Ayers wrote Dreams of my Fathers. It is well known that Marx wrote the Gettysburg Address, and to counter it, Bakunin wrote Grant's inauguaral speech. Hell, the entire history of the First International was recorded in US presidential speeches; read between the lines, dumb ass. Since Proudhon wrote the Bill of Rights anyway, what does any of this matter to you?

  59. ttommyunger

    Alt Cap: "My brain is so huge and heavy it must be propped up with my fist, heh, heh…"

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