all the pulitzers please!

Apparently All Kennedys, Including Ethel, Just Flip Tables Over Constantly Like They Are Cool Real Housewives

We have not been keeping up on the day to day dribs and drabs oozing forth from this Mr. Edward Klein fellow’s excellent new Barack Obama biography, “Michelle Obama Is A Jealous Twat She Even Hates Oprah Burn Her.” But one excerpt featured on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze did catch our eye! And that is that Barack Obama is such a terrible snooty liar that even America’s reigning kings of snooty liars, the Kennedy Klan, think he is a snooty liar! Then? They throw some shit. Even Ethel Kennedy is just constantly flipping tables like that chick from Real Housewives of New Jersey, the bankrupt one with the forehead and the hair and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit.

“There had always been tensions at Kennedy family gatherings — fist fights and overturned tables were not unheard of — and this event was no exception,” Klein writes in an advanced copy obtained by The Blaze. That “event” was a meeting in 2009, which featured a who’s who in the Kennedy family, including Ted. The family figurehead, a family source tells Klein, tried to propose a toast to Obama twice, and Caroline joined in. But not everyone was happy about it: the night included a finger-pointing argument between Bobby and Ted, and Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

[Some stuff about how Caroline is a super-shitty entitled princess that doesn’t even bring up how she demanded a New York Senate seat just for being her. Also, she hates Obama now.]

Ethel Kennedy, “the matriarch of the family,” similarly felt scorned, according to Klein. He tells a story of her invitation — extended to the First Family — being ignored by the Obamas. She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture.”

Ethel Kennedy is 84 years old.

[TheBlaze]

About the author

Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Comments

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  • Jus_Wonderin

    I can imagine that rich folks furniture is quite a bit bigger and heavier than normal folks. Ethel is the hulk!!!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      No no! Rich folks pay extra for the sturdy-yet-light stuff. I once dated a JAP whose bed was made of balsa wood.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        I don't believe you ever dated anybody but your hand, in the break room!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    You should see it when they start losing at Monopoly or Risk. Everybody duck!

    • Tundra Grifter

      I did that once after losing Parcheesi. It was just cheesy.

  • Barb

    Ethel is 84 and can turn over furniture? Usually, someone that old can't even turn over enough to avoid bedsores.

    • OneYieldRegular

      I must demur. My dear, recently deceased next-door neighbor (96 at time of death) ran an entire marathon when she was 84.

      • Barb

        That's great that your neighbor did that.
        What I said was meant as a joke.

        • OneYieldRegular

          Oh I know. I laughed. But I just can never resist trumpeting the accomplishments of this woman. She was still driving, gardening, speed-walking, entertaining and blasting blues music at all hours of the morning up until the day she died.

          • Barb

            I bet she has some sassy stories to tell.

          • OneYieldRegular

            Not to mention the ones told about her. I don't know that I've ever experienced a more potent combination of grief and hilarity than that memorial service.

  • Schmannnity

    Get real. The furniture was overturned in drunkeness, not anger.

  • CivicHoliday

    So moral of the story is that with enough Jameson, even Irish grandmas will curse and flip tables? That house must be extra fun at Thanksgiving.

    • Tundra Grifter

      When they serve Wild Turkey, they aren't talking about a bird. There's talking about a bottle.

  • V572 Is this him?

    Wait a minute…Bobby Kennedy was at a family event in 2009? Did the writer bury the lede?

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Jr.

      • V572 Is this him?

        Right, but isn’t he “RFK, Jr” the way Michael Jackson was “Jacko”?

        • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

          Which sort of tells you how out of touch the author is. Most people refer to him as "Robert Kennedy, Jr." not "Bobby"

    • Callyson

      "I'm back, bitches, and I know everything."

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      I *knew* Sirhan was framed!

  • Barb

    Newt likes to go to the post office and buy up all the Marilyn Monroe postage stamps and he sits and licks them all just so that he can imagine what it feels like to be a Kennedy.

    • rickmaci

      Given that Neuter had a history that included banging a staff member, he knew what it felt like to be a President Clinton.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Remember the House of Representatives scandal where Reps were drawing money to pay for postage?

      And one day some bright person said "Hey – wait a minute. They mail all their shit for FREE!"

    • Negropolis

      That visual is revolting. Sounds like something out of Silene of the Lambs.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Teresa is the one with NO forehead and the hubs who may need to go to jail. Her brother is the one who paws his wife's tits (but not Tre's – this is not Real Housewives of Alabama after all. – See? I can do this too!)

    ANYway – I hope to hell I can still flip a fucking table when I am snubbed by President Whore-hay Bush the 5th in 44 years. (That's how Jeb's kid says it, isn't it? Well, not him, I mean a REAL Hispanic Bush to be named George later.)

  • http://guyclinch.blogspot.com GuyClinch

    Well, this is edifying and changes everything. I will not vote for Ethel Kennedy now. Thank you, The Blaze!

  • Baconzgood

    As an Irish man, cursing, shit talking on others, fighting, and reeking havoc at family get togethers isn't really that outta of the ordinary. In fact it's par for the course after about 11PM and there has been several empty whiskey bottles hurled at people's heads by drunken (yet loving) family members.

    We have a joke in my family: What's a difference between a Zgood funeral and a Zgood wedding? One less fist fight.

    • SoBeach

      possibly one less fist fight…

    • Hedley_Lamarr

      I swear to Christ we're related. In my family, the punchline is one less drunk.

    • AddHomonym

      Yes, one less fist fight, but at which event?

    • fuflans

      either sounds like a zgood time.

  • el_donaldo

    Do they still invite the Governator to these things? Why have the Smash if you don't follow up with the Grab?

    • V572 Is this him?

      Pretty sure Herr Schwarzenegger ist nicht willkomen in Hyannis Port since banging the housekeeper or whoever it was. He failed to learn the most important Kennedy trick: DON'T GET CAUGHT!

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Dot's GROPE, Mein Fuhrer fiend…

  • MrFizzy

    I think the world reached Kennedy critical mass about 25 years ago. Now imploding like a black hole with huge hair.

    • http://infrogmation.livejournal.com/ Infrogmation

      Culling all the good ones from the heard for 50 years will do that.

  • bumfug

    I have it on impeccable authority that Edward Klein's mom bangs the Domino's delivery kid.

  • Jimmyone

    Growing up in Cape Cod……I was once thrown off their private beach, by seriously armed men. They watched while we repaired our boat and shoved off. As a 10 year old, I was impressed with the guns.

    • MrFizzy

      And presumably with the innate humanity of the clan.

      • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

        If I was a Kennedy, I'd have heavily armed men pointed at you, too! I think history has earned them a little "stand your ground."

  • CapnFatback

    and Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

    You should see what he does to coal.

  • edgydrifter

    Jersey Shore + $$$$$ = the Kennedys

  • CthuNHu

    Napkins count as furniture.

    Also, Ethel Kennedy's napkins almost certainly cost more than my furniture.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Unlike usual, I actually watched the first minute or two of this clip (though without sound). Them Kennedy women are pretty hot, but they sure are a bunch of cunts.

  • SoBeach

    The wingtards are convinced that deep down everyone hate hate HATES the Obamas in the same squirrelly-eyed, psychotic way they do. The rest of us just don't admit it because KENYAN MUSLIM NAZI COMMUNIST.

    Meh. Probably the only way the world makes sense to them.

  • DaRooster

    So, Ethel knocked a coaster off the side table?

  • Baconzgood

    There is no fucking way I'm linking to the Blaze. That only encourages those people over there.

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    Hey, I've met Ethel Kennedy, she's a stocky old bitch.

    Why, I recall an epic fight she and Jackie had, and it was the model for the classic Alexis/Krystle catfight in th elily pond on Dynasty!

  • SorosBot

    Old lady SMASH!

  • CapnFatback

    DRUDGE SIREN! ETHEL KENNEDY REFUSED TO USE HULK-LIKE STRENGTH TO FLIP OVER CAR AND SAVE MARY JO KOPECHNE AT CHAPPAQUIDDICK! EYEWITNESS "SUB-MARINER" SAYS KENNEDY MATRIARCH COULD BE HEARD MUTTERING "ETHEL SMASH" AT SCENE OF CRIME! WHOO-WOO! WHOO-WOO! WHOO-WOO!

  • mavenmaven

    Won't the liberal Kennedy's hating of Obama gain him more votes with the independants? Or do the Kennedy's hate Mitt more? Massachusetts is so hard to figure out, and even harder to spell!

  • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

    Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

    I think the writer was just watching Y&R.

  • OneYieldRegular

    There once was a man named Klein,
    Who dug up what dirt he could find,
    But the things that he penned
    Were so full of hot wind,
    That they must have come from his behind.

    • TootsStansbury

      I just laughed. Out loud.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Salutations!

    • pdiddycornchips

      Well played, I see you didn't take the easy path and begin with "There once was a clan not far from Nantuket".

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Was Ethel taken away in the paddywagon?

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Subdued with a paddywhacker!

  • rickmaci

    So they are a large Irish Catholic family that gets loud and fights. BFD. In my family it isn't a real gathering unless it involves a SWAT team at some point during the evening.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      Uncle Richie?

  • DocChaos

    Jesus, that clip makes me want to hate EVERYONE from New Jersey, even my friends.

  • Callyson

    She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture…
    Ethel Kennedy is 84 years old.

    Ah, a new role model for my old age. Thanks, Kennedy clan!

  • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

    the bankrupt one with the forehead and the hair and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit.

    In fairness, if I was married to a cheap-ass skank whore like that, I'd probably treat her like property too.

  • MadBrahms

    I'm pretty sure this is what the Evangelicals would call "Papists Gone Wild!"

  • Mahousu

    Relax, it all works out fine in the end – when the aliens invade, Ethel goes on a rampage and starts smashing them. Plus, she catches Obama when he falls out of the sky after blowing up the mother ship. Everyone's all happily ever after, or at least until the sequel comes out.

  • V572 Is this him?

    Two OT items:

    (1) In an article about how American pols are getting nervous about pitchforks and torches, Lindsay Graham says Tip O'Neill and Saint Ronnie saved the day because they "held hands."
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/us-polit

    (2) Today is a great day for admirers of Tamron Hall.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    The Kennedys sound like they're a Hell of a lot more fun to hang around with than the Romneys.

    • http://simplyleftbehind.blogspot.com/ actor212

      I wish you'd gotten this in higher up. This deserves more recognition.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I want to know what kind of whisky she’s drinking which gives her this extra strength,

    • chascates

      Old Fighting Cock, 103 proof.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Nothing will make Mitt look more hip with the young people than to start ripping on the Kennedys, except maybe talking about those crazy new hula hoop things he just saw.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Klein finally found a publisher for his sordid exposé of the Clinton White House — okay, he had to change a few names to make it current, but nobody'll notice. I especially like the part where Michelle throws an ashtray at Barack when she finds out he's been screwing the intern.

  • chascates

    Editing mistake: when you're wealthy you have staff to overturn furniture when you're angry. Breaking glasses, too! Who would want to chance cutting themselves. Too bad Teddy didn't think of ordering a houseman to get drunk instead of doing it himself. Would have save a lot of money, embarrassment, hangovers, and a marriage.

  • fuflans

    i still miss teddy.

  • jqheywood

    Acck! Bleach! I need bleach to get that image out of my head….<shudder>

  • Tundra Grifter

    Over at Newsbusters, Jill Stanek is channeling Duh Gov'Nuh, and making this crappy book all about her.

    She was a nurse in Chicago. On the Internets, she peddled the story that people in China eat aborted babies. She is the source for the story – and I use "story" carefullly here – about living babies being thrown away in a Chicago-area hospital.

    I recall Media Matters for America looking into that one – and not finding much there.

    Anyway, in a desperate attempt to call attention to herself, Nurse Stanek objects to the 3-page Chapter in "The Amateur" dealing with Mr. Obama serving in the Illinois Legislature.

    I mean, if she can't get down with this book, who in the world can?

  • barto

    Fortunately Ethel carried a collision policy on her stroller, shoulda covered most of the furniture damage I reckon.

    • Tundra Grifter

      So it wasn't a table she flipped? It was a tv tray?

  • Weenus299

    She's Ethel friggin Kennedy. She's got people turn over the furniture for her.

  • pdiddycornchips

    This sort of uncivilized behavior would not be tolerated at a Palin family gathering,

  • Antispandex

    "…. and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit."

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    "She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture.”"

    Silly Edward Klein – they just do this for the paparazzi.

  • Guppy

    fist fights and overturned tables were not unheard of

    Or, as my family likes to refer to it, "Thanksgiving."

    Seriously, I'm wondering if I'm secretly a Kennedy…

  • Negropolis

    Ethel angry! Ethel SMASH!

  • http://dismalpseudoscientist.wordpress.com Equality_Joe

    ( ゚ -゚) ┳━┳

    (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

  • ttommyunger

    Edward Klein suffers from a severe case of uterus envy. He's what I call a non-militant pussyfart, you know, a cunt…mean-spirited, but not mean.