ALL THE PULITZERS PLEASE!  2:05 pm May 16, 2012

Apparently All Kennedys, Including Ethel, Just Flip Tables Over Constantly Like They Are Cool Real Housewives

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

We have not been keeping up on the day to day dribs and drabs oozing forth from this Mr. Edward Klein fellow’s excellent new Barack Obama biography, “Michelle Obama Is A Jealous Twat She Even Hates Oprah Burn Her.” But one excerpt featured on Glenn Beck’s The Blaze did catch our eye! And that is that Barack Obama is such a terrible snooty liar that even America’s reigning kings of snooty liars, the Kennedy Klan, think he is a snooty liar! Then? They throw some shit. Even Ethel Kennedy is just constantly flipping tables like that chick from Real Housewives of New Jersey, the bankrupt one with the forehead and the hair and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit.

“There had always been tensions at Kennedy family gatherings — fist fights and overturned tables were not unheard of — and this event was no exception,” Klein writes in an advanced copy obtained by The Blaze. That “event” was a meeting in 2009, which featured a who’s who in the Kennedy family, including Ted. The family figurehead, a family source tells Klein, tried to propose a toast to Obama twice, and Caroline joined in. But not everyone was happy about it: the night included a finger-pointing argument between Bobby and Ted, and Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

[Some stuff about how Caroline is a super-shitty entitled princess that doesn't even bring up how she demanded a New York Senate seat just for being her. Also, she hates Obama now.]

Ethel Kennedy, “the matriarch of the family,” similarly felt scorned, according to Klein. He tells a story of her invitation — extended to the First Family — being ignored by the Obamas. She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture.”

Ethel Kennedy is 84 years old.

[TheBlaze]

 
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{ 86 comments }

Jus_Wonderin May 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I can imagine that rich folks furniture is quite a bit bigger and heavier than normal folks. Ethel is the hulk!!!

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

No no! Rich folks pay extra for the sturdy-yet-light stuff. I once dated a JAP whose bed was made of balsa wood.

Chet Kincaid May 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I don't believe you ever dated anybody but your hand, in the break room!

BaldarTFlagass May 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

You should see it when they start losing at Monopoly or Risk. Everybody duck!

Tundra Grifter May 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I did that once after losing Parcheesi. It was just cheesy.

Barb May 16, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Ethel is 84 and can turn over furniture? Usually, someone that old can't even turn over enough to avoid bedsores.

OneYieldRegular May 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I must demur. My dear, recently deceased next-door neighbor (96 at time of death) ran an entire marathon when she was 84.

Barb May 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

That's great that your neighbor did that.
What I said was meant as a joke.

OneYieldRegular May 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

Oh I know. I laughed. But I just can never resist trumpeting the accomplishments of this woman. She was still driving, gardening, speed-walking, entertaining and blasting blues music at all hours of the morning up until the day she died.

Barb May 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm

I bet she has some sassy stories to tell.

Schmannnity May 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

Get real. The furniture was overturned in drunkeness, not anger.

CivicHoliday May 16, 2012 at 2:09 pm

So moral of the story is that with enough Jameson, even Irish grandmas will curse and flip tables? That house must be extra fun at Thanksgiving.

Tundra Grifter May 16, 2012 at 3:00 pm

When they serve Wild Turkey, they aren't talking about a bird. There's talking about a bottle.

V572 Is this him? May 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Wait a minute…Bobby Kennedy was at a family event in 2009? Did the writer bury the lede?

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Jr.

V572 Is this him? May 16, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Right, but isn’t he “RFK, Jr” the way Michael Jackson was “Jacko”?

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Which sort of tells you how out of touch the author is. Most people refer to him as "Robert Kennedy, Jr." not "Bobby"

Callyson May 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

"I'm back, bitches, and I know everything."

Infrogmation May 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

I *knew* Sirhan was framed!

Barb May 16, 2012 at 2:10 pm

Newt likes to go to the post office and buy up all the Marilyn Monroe postage stamps and he sits and licks them all just so that he can imagine what it feels like to be a Kennedy.

rickmaci May 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Given that Neuter had a history that included banging a staff member, he knew what it felt like to be a President Clinton.

Tundra Grifter May 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm

Remember the House of Representatives scandal where Reps were drawing money to pay for postage?

And one day some bright person said "Hey – wait a minute. They mail all their shit for FREE!"

Negropolis May 17, 2012 at 12:48 am

That visual is revolting. Sounds like something out of Silene of the Lambs.

FakaktaSouth May 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Teresa is the one with NO forehead and the hubs who may need to go to jail. Her brother is the one who paws his wife's tits (but not Tre's – this is not Real Housewives of Alabama after all. – See? I can do this too!)

ANYway – I hope to hell I can still flip a fucking table when I am snubbed by President Whore-hay Bush the 5th in 44 years. (That's how Jeb's kid says it, isn't it? Well, not him, I mean a REAL Hispanic Bush to be named George later.)

GuyClinch May 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Well, this is edifying and changes everything. I will not vote for Ethel Kennedy now. Thank you, The Blaze!

Baconzgood May 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

As an Irish man, cursing, shit talking on others, fighting, and reeking havoc at family get togethers isn't really that outta of the ordinary. In fact it's par for the course after about 11PM and there has been several empty whiskey bottles hurled at people's heads by drunken (yet loving) family members.

We have a joke in my family: What's a difference between a Zgood funeral and a Zgood wedding? One less fist fight.

SoBeach May 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

possibly one less fist fight…

Hedley_Lamarr May 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

I swear to Christ we're related. In my family, the punchline is one less drunk.

AddHomonym May 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

Yes, one less fist fight, but at which event?

fuflans May 16, 2012 at 2:46 pm

either sounds like a zgood time.

el_donaldo May 16, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Do they still invite the Governator to these things? Why have the Smash if you don't follow up with the Grab?

V572 Is this him? May 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Pretty sure Herr Schwarzenegger ist nicht willkomen in Hyannis Port since banging the housekeeper or whoever it was. He failed to learn the most important Kennedy trick: DON'T GET CAUGHT!

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Dot's GROPE, Mein Fuhrer fiend…

MrFizzy May 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I think the world reached Kennedy critical mass about 25 years ago. Now imploding like a black hole with huge hair.

Infrogmation May 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Culling all the good ones from the heard for 50 years will do that.

bumfug May 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

I have it on impeccable authority that Edward Klein's mom bangs the Domino's delivery kid.

Jimmyone May 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Growing up in Cape Cod……I was once thrown off their private beach, by seriously armed men. They watched while we repaired our boat and shoved off. As a 10 year old, I was impressed with the guns.

MrFizzy May 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

And presumably with the innate humanity of the clan.

Chet Kincaid May 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

If I was a Kennedy, I'd have heavily armed men pointed at you, too! I think history has earned them a little "stand your ground."

CapnFatback May 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

and Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

You should see what he does to coal.

edgydrifter May 16, 2012 at 2:13 pm

Jersey Shore + $$$$$ = the Kennedys

CthuNHu May 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

Napkins count as furniture.

Also, Ethel Kennedy's napkins almost certainly cost more than my furniture.

BaldarTFlagass May 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Unlike usual, I actually watched the first minute or two of this clip (though without sound). Them Kennedy women are pretty hot, but they sure are a bunch of cunts.

SoBeach May 16, 2012 at 2:17 pm

The wingtards are convinced that deep down everyone hate hate HATES the Obamas in the same squirrelly-eyed, psychotic way they do. The rest of us just don't admit it because KENYAN MUSLIM NAZI COMMUNIST.

Meh. Probably the only way the world makes sense to them.

DaRooster May 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

So, Ethel knocked a coaster off the side table?

Baconzgood May 16, 2012 at 2:19 pm

There is no fucking way I'm linking to the Blaze. That only encourages those people over there.

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Hey, I've met Ethel Kennedy, she's a stocky old bitch.

Why, I recall an epic fight she and Jackie had, and it was the model for the classic Alexis/Krystle catfight in th elily pond on Dynasty!

SorosBot May 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

Old lady SMASH!

CapnFatback May 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

DRUDGE SIREN! ETHEL KENNEDY REFUSED TO USE HULK-LIKE STRENGTH TO FLIP OVER CAR AND SAVE MARY JO KOPECHNE AT CHAPPAQUIDDICK! EYEWITNESS "SUB-MARINER" SAYS KENNEDY MATRIARCH COULD BE HEARD MUTTERING "ETHEL SMASH" AT SCENE OF CRIME! WHOO-WOO! WHOO-WOO! WHOO-WOO!

mavenmaven May 16, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Won't the liberal Kennedy's hating of Obama gain him more votes with the independants? Or do the Kennedy's hate Mitt more? Massachusetts is so hard to figure out, and even harder to spell!

Designer_Rants May 16, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Bobby even got so angry he broke his fluted glass after squeezing it too hard.

I think the writer was just watching Y&R.

OneYieldRegular May 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

There once was a man named Klein,
Who dug up what dirt he could find,
But the things that he penned
Were so full of hot wind,
That they must have come from his behind.

TootsStansbury May 16, 2012 at 2:48 pm

I just laughed. Out loud.

Chet Kincaid May 16, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Salutations!

pdiddycornchips May 16, 2012 at 3:28 pm

Well played, I see you didn't take the easy path and begin with "There once was a clan not far from Nantuket".

GorzoTheMighty May 16, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Was Ethel taken away in the paddywagon?

Chet Kincaid May 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Subdued with a paddywhacker!

rickmaci May 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

So they are a large Irish Catholic family that gets loud and fights. BFD. In my family it isn't a real gathering unless it involves a SWAT team at some point during the evening.

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Uncle Richie?

DocChaos May 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Jesus, that clip makes me want to hate EVERYONE from New Jersey, even my friends.

Callyson May 16, 2012 at 2:28 pm

She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture…
Ethel Kennedy is 84 years old.

Ah, a new role model for my old age. Thanks, Kennedy clan!

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

the bankrupt one with the forehead and the hair and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit.

In fairness, if I was married to a cheap-ass skank whore like that, I'd probably treat her like property too.

MadBrahms May 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

I'm pretty sure this is what the Evangelicals would call "Papists Gone Wild!"

Mahousu May 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Relax, it all works out fine in the end – when the aliens invade, Ethel goes on a rampage and starts smashing them. Plus, she catches Obama when he falls out of the sky after blowing up the mother ship. Everyone's all happily ever after, or at least until the sequel comes out.

V572 Is this him? May 16, 2012 at 2:32 pm

Two OT items:

(1) In an article about how American pols are getting nervous about pitchforks and torches, Lindsay Graham says Tip O'Neill and Saint Ronnie saved the day because they "held hands."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/us-polit

(2) Today is a great day for admirers of Tamron Hall.

Wile E. Quixote May 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

The Kennedys sound like they're a Hell of a lot more fun to hang around with than the Romneys.

actor212 May 16, 2012 at 2:42 pm

I wish you'd gotten this in higher up. This deserves more recognition.

WhatTheHeck May 16, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I want to know what kind of whisky she’s drinking which gives her this extra strength,

chascates May 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Old Fighting Cock, 103 proof.

FakaktaSouth May 16, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Nothing will make Mitt look more hip with the young people than to start ripping on the Kennedys, except maybe talking about those crazy new hula hoop things he just saw.

SayItWithWookies May 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Klein finally found a publisher for his sordid exposé of the Clinton White House — okay, he had to change a few names to make it current, but nobody'll notice. I especially like the part where Michelle throws an ashtray at Barack when she finds out he's been screwing the intern.

chascates May 16, 2012 at 2:43 pm

Editing mistake: when you're wealthy you have staff to overturn furniture when you're angry. Breaking glasses, too! Who would want to chance cutting themselves. Too bad Teddy didn't think of ordering a houseman to get drunk instead of doing it himself. Would have save a lot of money, embarrassment, hangovers, and a marriage.

fuflans May 16, 2012 at 2:45 pm

i still miss teddy.

jqheywood May 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

Acck! Bleach! I need bleach to get that image out of my head….<shudder>

Tundra Grifter May 16, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Over at Newsbusters, Jill Stanek is channeling Duh Gov'Nuh, and making this crappy book all about her.

She was a nurse in Chicago. On the Internets, she peddled the story that people in China eat aborted babies. She is the source for the story – and I use "story" carefullly here – about living babies being thrown away in a Chicago-area hospital.

I recall Media Matters for America looking into that one – and not finding much there.

Anyway, in a desperate attempt to call attention to herself, Nurse Stanek objects to the 3-page Chapter in "The Amateur" dealing with Mr. Obama serving in the Illinois Legislature.

I mean, if she can't get down with this book, who in the world can?

barto May 16, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Fortunately Ethel carried a collision policy on her stroller, shoulda covered most of the furniture damage I reckon.

Tundra Grifter May 16, 2012 at 3:30 pm

So it wasn't a table she flipped? It was a tv tray?

Weenus299 May 16, 2012 at 3:20 pm

She's Ethel friggin Kennedy. She's got people turn over the furniture for her.

pdiddycornchips May 16, 2012 at 3:21 pm

This sort of uncivilized behavior would not be tolerated at a Palin family gathering,

Antispandex May 16, 2012 at 3:50 pm

"…. and the baby-man husband always pawing at her tit."

You say that like it's a bad thing.

randcoolcatdaddy May 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm

"She got so upset “that she went on a rampage inside her house, cursing the president and turning over furniture.”"

Silly Edward Klein – they just do this for the paparazzi.

Guppy May 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

fist fights and overturned tables were not unheard of

Or, as my family likes to refer to it, "Thanksgiving."

Seriously, I'm wondering if I'm secretly a Kennedy…

Negropolis May 17, 2012 at 12:57 am

Ethel angry! Ethel SMASH!

Equality_Joe May 17, 2012 at 5:53 am

( ゚ -゚) ┳━┳

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

ttommyunger May 17, 2012 at 8:52 am

Edward Klein suffers from a severe case of uterus envy. He's what I call a non-militant pussyfart, you know, a cunt…mean-spirited, but not mean.

OneYieldRegular May 16, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Not to mention the ones told about her. I don't know that I've ever experienced a more potent combination of grief and hilarity than that memorial service.

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