no not that michael boltonOh dear, it seems James O’Keefe’s latest masterpiece on vote fraud, in which he totally caught University of North Carolina not finking on “Democrat-friendly election fraud” when faced with GOP kids bragging about how they double-voted GOP, may have just the teensiest inaccuracy in it: dude O’Keefe said was dead, and whose ballot his henchman was given anyway, is not in fact dead, because zombie voodoo. How do the fine folks at MediaMatters know this? Oh, it was in the unedited version of the video is all.

O’KEEFE: We found ballots being offered out in the name of the dead. One man, Michael Bolton, had died April 23, but apparently the Board of Elections didn’t get the memo, and his ballot was offered to us on May 8.

In the ensuing video clip, an O’Keefe operative at a polling place tells a poll worker, “The name is Michael G. Bolton.” There is then a jump cut, and in the next clip the poll worker is telling the operative to sign or make an mark in the pollbook to affirm his identity. The operative then says he would feel more comfortable if he could show his photo ID, and leaves.

Something very important happens during that jump cut. As the raw video reveals, the poll worker says, “You must be a junior? … Michael G. Bolton, Jr.?” to which O’Keefe’s operative responds: “That would be correct.”

OH RIGHT. Dead dude had a son, and that’s whose ballot O’Keefe’s goon almost fraudulently obtained. Oopsie?

NO. NOT OOPSIE. James O’Keefe is a consummate journalist who does not MAKE mistakes. Therefore, when he edited his little movie to take out the bit that 100 percent falsified his central premise and then reiterated his verifiably falsified central premise all over again, it was … oh fuck just send him all your money already, Koch Brothers. He is working VERY VERY HARD for it.


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  • tihond

    This is my surprised face.

  • DrunkIrishman

    This Irish sonofabitch should be hanged by his balls and pelted with potatoes. What a fucking moron. Congress will go defund ACORN, but they can't pass a law that allows me to shove a firecracker in his mouth? WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY?

    • Callyson

      Per the previous story, if you go to Colorado, you can spray him with Lysol. Just don't use any obscene language when you do so, or you'll be charged…

      • DrunkIrishman

        So, let's set up supposed voter fraud in Denver and wait for him to slime his ass to the Rockies.

      • I thought AZ was where all the obscenity laws just passed. Not CO TOO?

        • Jimmyone

          Fuck NO, at least not yet. If that happens… coal miners will not be able to communicate using big words.

          • Listen, dood, it's tough enough for me to complete ONE lousy fucking sentence without saying "Fuck" or something very like it. If they ban obscenity, I'm'a have to shut up for life.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      We need to figure out a way to get James O'Keefe to go to Florida and once there put on a hoodie and pick up a bottle of iced tea and a bag of Skittles™. I'm sure you can figure out the rest.

      • I intend to Stand my Ground, if I should run across young Mr. O'Keefe dressed in that suspicious manner.

        • Wile E. Quixote

          I'd expect nothing less from a freedom loving patriot such as yourself who understands that to not stand her ground to a hoodie wearing, Skittles™ bearing James O'Keefe and pump him full of hot lead votes would be the moral equivalent of wrapping incredibly cute puppies in an American flag and then dropping them into a log-chipper, a log chipper made in France, by Muslims, while listening to the Dixie Chicks. It makes me proud to know an American like you.

          • His, but thanks, dood.

            I especially like the log chipper made in France by Muslims. It's those little touches that make such a rant a contender for the Wonketz Rants O'Fame. Or is it Rants O'Infamy? Whatever.

          • Wile E. Quixote

            Why thank you. I was trying to work in Hitler too, and the obligatory Wonkette dick joke, but I couldn't figure out how to do so without completely fucking up the feng shui.

          • I see what you did there. Well played, man, well fucking played.

    • Terry

      Hit the Guinness a bit early today?

      • DrunkIrishman

        You think you're so cle…

    • Can't ye get some of yer IRA boodies ta take his Eyeresh ass out, sune?

    • vodkamuppet

      Don't blame it on the Irish, this country is filled with Murphey boys that were always trouble, even back in the old country.

      • Even the WASPs know the difference between the linen and the lace Irish.

        • vodkamuppet

          WASPs? Even the catholics know that that Murphy kid is nothing but trouble. He probably has tattoos.

  • This headline will soon be edited to read: "Factual O'Keefe Masterpiece"

  • SorosBot

    There's deceptive editing in an O'Keefe tape? What are you going to try and claim next, that the sky is blue?

  • Barb

    The Ace bandage on his wrist is a nice touch. He probably hurt himself after giving a date roofies and then carrying her to the barn.

    • HogeyeGrex

      I'd give better odds he sprained it while the wrist was his date, iykwimaityd.

    • James Michael Curley

      Probably CFS – Carpal Fapping Syndrome.

  • Callyson

    You know, poll workers work *long* hours for very low pay as it is (my mom was a poll worker a couple of times–she told me she barely got a meal break and had to deal with lots of assholes.) They really don't need this jackass O'Keefe piling on and inventing cases of voter fraud when they are just trying to do their job…

    • Barb

      Your mom is awesome! I've never met a poll worker who wasn't helpful, friendly and dedicated to their task.
      I don't think that O'Keefe gets the fact that he is the one who is engaged in voter fraud here and not the poll workers. A man from New Mexico is in deep shit because he registered his dog to vote in an attempt to prove voter fraud. Duh, what he did was the fraud part.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        And then the dog voted a straight Democratic ticket, proving that he was smarter than his owner.

    • emmelemm

      I thought poll workers were volunteers… Here, at least, it's all old ladies, because they no longer work and can sit at a polling place all day. Except, I lie, because WA has now switched to ALL mail-in voting.

      • BerkeleyBear

        Oregon is all mail-in, too, but the old ladies still get to hang out at the drop-boxes on Election Day.

      • Terry

        Some states give poll workers a token amount of money. One of my cousins works the polls in Pennsylvania. Regular poll workers make around $30 for the day. The person responsible for submitting the results makes a little over $100 for the day.

      • anniegetyerfun

        I don't think our WA poll workers WERE paid, back in the day. One of my neighbors did it, and she was retired and didn't get paid crap.

        ETA: When I was a teenager, I volunteered at a polling station in my neighborhood, and the old ladies working there told everyone how to vote (Republican) as they handed out the ballots.

    • I worked one election as a poll watcher…you know, the people candidates send into polling places to make sure there's no fraud going on and stuff… me and the guy the Republican sent in ended up standing around for thirteen hours (couldn't leave until the count was verified) watching what was going on and trying to help out where we could.

      I gained a lot of respect for the little old ladies who man the actual booths.

    • Dildeaux

      Kudos to Mom.
      I worked the polls for the 2010 mid-terms for the first time. You must attend a training session prior to election day. Then on election day, you work 14 hours. You get paid something like $130, which for many poorer folks is a lot of $ for one days work.

  • Give O'Queefey a break. He just forgot to add the standard "Not meant to be a factual statement" disclaimer…

  • el_donaldo

    So let's see. Foreign voter not foreign? Check. Dead voter not dead? Check. Scandal not really any scandal? Check. O'Keefe still not relevant? Double check.

    • Butch_Wagstaff

      Poor thing may have to finally get a real job.

      • Not that he's qualified for one. Oh, wait, there's always Wingnut Welfare, isn't there?

  • bureaucrap

    Wait, I thought he was in jail, since, like, nine movies ago. In any case, it is unfortunate that the First Amendment still protects the freedom to lie, distort, mislead, and falsify.

  • Callyson

    just send him all your money already, Koch Brothers. He is working VERY VERY HARD for it

    That's what Donna Summer said…

  • MrFizzy

    Repubelickins have dead souls – does that count?

  • edgydrifter

    James O'Keefe (D), right Fox?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If nothing else, O'Keefe can look forward to a "grown-up" career in, maybe, film editing. Maybe he can get a start on the upcoming production of Atlas Shrugged Part II.

    • In all seriousness, who the fuck would hire this idiot? He's dishonest and manipulative, and to top it all off, he's not very good at being dishonest and manipulative because he's dumb as a loaf of bread.

      • HogeyeGrex

        So, you're saying Breitbart.

        Or any Modern Republican.

        • Yeah, but NotSoBrightBart is now deader than a doornail.

          So it'll have to be some other Modern Republican, but no one seems to be springing forth, do they?

      • James Michael Curley

        However, his criminal case is dragging on very long. The one from 'invading' Nancy Pelosi's office. As a federal crime – it is an automatic felony. Should keep those job offers within his skill set – pusillanimous, mendacious, offal custodian.

        • Pelosi's office? Don't you mean Landrieu's? If he's invaded Pelosi's office, it's news to me. Perhaps I should go poke the cold ashes and see what pops out.

          • James Michael Curley

            I assume I’m wrong and it also explains why it is taking so long. SF and NOLA are two different universes in the world which touches on politically touchy cases.

          • Ah, OK. I'm not as on top of issues as I used to be, and who knows what the little bastid is up to the minute my back is turned, yaknow.

      • Terry

        Somebody who owes one of his parents a favor.

      • Wile E. Quixote

        If he were good at being dishonest and manipulative he'd be working for Goldman Sachs or Chase.

    • I'd say PRON, but he's too ugly for face roles, and I just don't think he'll turn out to be a Ron Jeremy.

  • Voting is so much fun, I gladly do it as many times as possible without consideration of fraud. Cause it's fun! It feels good!

    • Jus_Wonderin

      Be careful, you hand will get raw.

  • CapnFatback
  • BaldarTFlagass

    “The name is Michael G. Bolton.”

    Too many Bond movies growing up.

  • SayItWithWookies

    New James O'Keefe exposé: "How the Lamestream Media Just Sits There and Lets Me Lie About Shit!"

  • Schmannnity

    The poll worker probably should have asked Michael Bolton to sing his overwrought "When a Man Loves a Woman."

  • STOP mestizo illegal voting patterns!!!!!

  • He just falls apart when there's no dildos involved.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    James O'Thief would make news only when he does something that isn't a fraudulent, lying, box of candied rat dicks. Send him to Somalia where he can do some good. They need targets.

  • CapnFatback

    Projection Veritas.

    • Arken

      Too much vino, not enough veritas.

  • LesBontemps

    Douches gonna douche.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Extra!! Extra!! Dickwad Exposes Voter Fraud While Committing Voter Fraud!

  • freakishlywrong

    Brietbart is here…

    • SayItWithWookies

      Not dead enough.

  • Keefie, show us on the doll's skull where the mean wonketeers hurt you.

  • Baconzgood

    This dude's movies have more jump cuts than the begining of Bagdad Cafe and Seconds combined with a Run Lola Run thrown in for good measure.

  • not that Radio

    "No, officer. Honestly. I was just buying heroin to prove that it was possible to buy heroin. I didn't actually want to buy any heroin."

    • Baconzgood

      I was just checking the gay bath house to show it's a haven for anal intercourse.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        "don't lysol me, bro"

      • bagofmice

        Like that time my christian youth group went to a bath house.

      • emmelemm


    • "That's true, but I was only in there to get directions on how to get away from there!"

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Dumbfuck: “The name is Andrew Breitbart.”

    Poll Worker: "You must be a junior? Andrew Breitbart Junior?"

    Dumbfuck: "Yes, that would be correct."

  • RedneckMuslin

    He looks like Kenny G. not Michael G.

  • iburl

    Needs moar roofies, boats and dildos.

  • walterhwhite

    Voter fraud = Democrats and minorities who try to vote

  • freakishlywrong

    Shitstain or twatwaffle? Discuss.

    • Mittens Howell, III


      • freakishlywrong


        • anniegetyerfun

          Wafflestain. What? Oh, nevermind.

    • ElPinche

      Sounds like IHOPs new entrees.

      • rickmaci

        Douchenozzle for sure.

      • Mittens Howell, III

        I'll have a stack of twatwaffles and a side of shitstain hash, please. Hold the santorum.

  • JustPixelz

    Repubicans hate hate hate elections and democracy. Unless they win. Also hate non-billionaire Americans.

  • proudgrampa

    Who the fuck is James O'Keefe?

    And why should we care?

    • ElPinche

      Eh..You're better off spending time with grand kids than knowing about that diseased rhinoceros pizzle.

    • "the fuck" is actually a very fitting description of James O'Keefe.

      That is all you need to know.

  • Baconzgood

    Sort of OT, but one of the things on my "bucket list" is to hurl a folding chair at Michael Bolton while he's singing "When A Man Loves A Woman".

    (This comment is 100% snark free-Seriously it is snark free)

    • MissTaken

      According to the above Michael Bolton died April 23. But his son is still around. Maybe he'll sing and let you throw a chair at him?

    • HogeyeGrex

      I'd rather see you hurl Kenny G at him, but I'd settle for the chair.

      • Baconzgood

        I almost did it once. My mom took me to a concert, but the chairs were bolted to the ground.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Child abuse. I'm terribly sorry.

          Kenny G, however, is not generally bolted to the ground, so…

          • Baconzgood

            No I was in my late 20s. I just don't pass up free tickets to a live show no matter how shitty.

        • ElPinche

          Yeah, but he holds the world record for the longest blow.

        • I don't even know who this guy is, and now I'm glad.

    • pepperpat

      Does it have to be a folding chair?

      • Baconzgood

        I'd prefer a wooden one. Like the ones you see in church basements.

    • I'm'a urge you to start paying into a bail fund, dood. Do it now. A dime a day.

  • MissTaken

    I celebrate the man's entire catalog.

    • Blueb4sunrise


    • Jus_Wonderin

      That reminds me, for some reason, of the 1975 Sears Underwear model. He was celebrated too.

      • Steverino247

        I actually have that catalog at home. And yes, you can see the head of his penis hanging out the bottom of the underwear.

        OK, now why the fuck do I have that? Because you never know when someone will make a joke about a Sears catalog. I'm the most prepared motherfucker in history. I also have a Sears poncho, so I'm covered musically, too.

        • Jus_Wonderin

          Hey, "luck favors the prepared".

        • ChessieNefercat

          Somehow, though, you seem as though you would be a tidy hoarder. No squashed mummified cats.

          Poncho? Musically?

        • Is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?

          • Steverino247

            That's right folks! Don't touch that dial!

  • Wingnuts understand that it's not actually an honor system, and that that whole putting your mark before you vote thing is in fact a pretty reasonable verification step, as made clear by the fact that it deterred O'Keefe's pretend journalists?

    I'm just saying. I don't need to show photo ID every time I send my landlord my rent check, because I SIGN THEM.

    • And you sign them under penalty. Essentially, when you go get your ballot, you sign a document that says you are the person you claim to be, and that all claims that you make upon that form as to your identity and address are true to the best of your knowledge. Should any of them be false in any particular, you are liable to civil and criminal penalties. That little bastard knew that, and that's why he showed up with his hand in a cast, so he couldn't sign the document.

      • Technically, it's an act of fraud to knowingly and falsely request a ballot, even if you don't sign anything. This is the reason O'Keefe isn't particularly eager to set foot in New Hampshire anytime soon.

        You can tell that they're aware of this, too, and that they think they're cleverly avoiding this by saying, "The name is…".

        Of course, this also reveals that they're certifiable morons, because by and large, the law isn't pixel-bitchy and magical like that. The plain meaning of those words, to a rational person, was a request and a self-identification by that name. In fact, the fact that they thought they were being clever and technically-not-saying-they-were-that-guy really just makes it easier to prove the "knowingly and falsely" part.

        • Thanks for the clarification, Equality_Joe.

          I can't wait till their sentences are handed down.

          • Well, I should disclaim that IANAL, and I'm also not a lawyer, but I have a few lawyer friends, and they always get a huge laugh out of people who think that the law is like magic spells, and if you say the right words in the right order, you're totally in the clear, regardless of your obvious intended meaning as understood by a reasonable person.

            Sort of like that myth that if you ask an undercover cop if they're a cop, they're required to answer honestly.

            But yeah, that New Hampshire thing is definitely true: O'Keefe has a grand jury waiting for him if he ever sets foot in the state, because just asking for a ballot fraudulently is a criminal act, even if you haven't signed anything or attempted to cast it.

  • I know that the photo still is of Michael Bolton, lowly office worker, taking out his frustrations on the printer/fax.. But in my heart of black hearts, the ultimate fantasy involves more like Bolton-on-Bolton violence, i.e. the pop singer takes a pummeling from his namesake for even dreaming of terrorizing America with "Love Is A Wonderful Thing."

    • BaldarTFlagass

      You should try to mix in the porn-stache Bolton there too, especially the pummeling part.

  • Jus_Wonderin

    "GET A JOB!!!!"

  • littlebigdaddy

    Needz moar pimp canes.

  • Poindexter718

    He is the Inspector Clouseau of investigative journalists.

  • not that Radio

    Why should I have to go to jail? He's the one who sucks.

  • DonnyKerabotsos

    I'm not watching this.

    So, when questioned about whether he was Micheal Bolton Jr., the O'Queef 'operative' meekly responds, "That would be correct?"

    You know, I'd ALMOST respect them a LITTLE BIT if they just had the balls to push through on these silly prank investigations that they love to do. None of this "that would be correct, sir" equivocating bullshit, but just once let one of them go all Samuel L. Jackson on some poll worker.

    "Did I say Junior, motherfucker? Do I look like a Junior to you, bitch? Go ahead, call me Junior again, motherfucker, I dare you, I double dog dare you!"

    I'd watch that. (full disclosure. I myself am a Jr. I've always hated it.)

    • Jus_Wonderin

      I get where you are coming from. My middle name is Harold and I would not have wished that on my child. Of course, she probably wouldn't have cared for the first years.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      The Sweet Prince had progeny? Who knew?

  • HobbesEvilTwin

    why don't you Wonkette jerks just go ahead an ruin everything by telling us that wrestling is fake?!

  • Weenus299

    Off to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for that no-talent ass clown.

  • ChessieNefercat

    Somebody needs to find that little Martian from the old Bugs Bunny cartoons to just bitch slap O'Bleat around the room until he admits he's nothing but a frustrated anger-gerbil because no woman ever has or ever will give him the time of day. Ever. Even when he wears his furry Care-Bear pimp coat. They point. They laugh. They mock. They do not give him the time of day. Ever.

    And that will never change, Jimmy. Trying to deprive voters of their civil rights will not change that, Jimmy. You will still and always be an inadequate loser in every way, Jimmy. So why don't you do everybody a favor and just give up?

  • Wouldn't that make O'Keefe a….felon?

  • vodkamuppet

    Stupid obvious comment that's been said ad nauseum: Why hasn't this little dick been arrested yet? Obama is apparently paranoid enough to super secret kill Brietbart, why hasn't the hyper-competent DOJ prosecuted this dumb flaccid dick? Serious question.

  • The little bastard! He arrived with his hand in a cast because he KNEW he was about to commit a fraud. Had he signed that piece of paper, he would have invoked the penalties for giving fraudulent information to the government, which carries a hefty fine.

    I hope they ALL go to jail over this. I'd really really like to see O'Keefe after a ten-year prison sentence.

    • ChessieNefercat

      "I'd really really like to see O'Keefe after a ten-year prison sentence."

      I think it would be fun to see him on his way to a ten-year prison sentence.

      • Yes, yes (rubs hands, cackles) that would be wonderful.

        Gads, I hate that they make me hate them so.

  • DaRooster

    I am just going to start editing my mistakes!
    "I didn't realize the table saw was running."
    "I love having all of my fingers still."

  • anniegetyerfun

    James O'Keefe: Pole worker.

  • OneYieldRegular

    If he keeps this up, he's going to have to surrender his McJournalism credentials.

  • mavenmaven

    "Michelle Malkin wrote that "investigative journalist James O'Keefe and Project Veritas continues to expose, expose, expose" "
    Pretty much the only way either of them would be of any interest is if they "exposed" their privates on TV. Well, Malkin, anyway. Actually, that wouldn't be that interesting either.

  • ElPinche

    Hmmm, pretending to be someone else to get a ballot. That smells like voter fraud to me. Isn't about time O'Keefe spends the rest of his life sucking semen out of prison cell mate's assholes? I think so.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      If you can get him into a cell with John Edwards and Rod Blagojevich I can set up the webcams and a PCI compliant payments system.

      • ElPinche

        Let's throw Octomom wanking and make it a pay per view extravaganza.

  • Dildeaux

    Well if President Obama werent so blah, then Okeefe wouldnt be required to fight back with all he's got. As always…
    I blame Obama.

  • fitley

    Do Queefer's parents and parole officer know he left the house again?

  • spareme

    I still can't stand this fucking guy.

  • TootsStansbury

    O'Queef? Rat face obvy.

  • Fox n Fiends

    He's just trying to distract us from the fact that he killed Breitbart.

    • Veritas78

      Where else did I hear that? Was it a lovers' quarrel? Or some bondage game gone awry? Can't remember which.

  • Veritas78

    Like those drunks with ten DUIs who go out and do it again, he'll do it again.

    If someone were to write LIAR on his forehead with a soldering iron, that would solve a lifetime of problems. Hypothetically, of course.

  • MissNancyPriss

    He's another one who hasn't gotten a much expected ass kicking yet. I don't get it. What's happened to all the 80's style bullies who would be all over this central casting annoying dweeb? If anyone should be getting an ass whoopin' on a daily basis, it's this low hanging fruit.

  • PuglyDoRight

    Hey O'Keefe–Lee Harvey Oswald wants his face back.

  • ttommyunger

    This clown is still around because our politicians are spineless fucktards. They let this little cunt single-handedly bring down ACORN and cost a fine woman her job and reputation so now he has notches on his little gun and everybody runs scared. He makes me sick, but our politicians are worse.

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