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derpWhy is hero Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, recently seen bitching that the governor’s three-times-median-household-income salary just isn’t enough cheddar, being blamed just because his awesome economic policies of “fire everyone” have made his state plumb last in job growth? (Koch economic policies are obviously THE GREATEST economic policies, and every state should have more of them.) Does not everyone understand that if this is not Barack Obama’s fault, then it is the fault of the Union Thugz he fired, for protesting him? (That is a true thing Scott Walker said: that the mighty Wisconsin protests last year caused businesses to have “uncertainty,” thus forcing them to fire all their workers and flee the state.) Well, since nobody will believe him about that, Scott Walker has decided to do things a little more out-of-the-box: instead of being enslaved by these fuddy-duddy old-and-busted Department of Labor statistics, he is going to make up his own! So now his employment numbers will be slightly above zero, instead of slightly below! Does this change everything? THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. Tell us about it, Forbes!

With Wisconsin suffering the worst job loss numbers in the nation for the calendar year 2011, Governor Scott Walker promised yesterday that he will reveal newly revised numbers this week that will, effectively, change water into wine on the Wisconsin job front.

And he’s done it just in time for the June 5th recall election.

So, just how is Walker about to turn Wisconsin’s dismal job numbers from lemons to lemonade?

The Governor has simply decided to ignore the system used by the Department of Labor — and every other state in the nation — to measure job growth (or loss) and elected instead to go with a different set of numbers that makes things in Wisconsin look better.

Who knew it could be so easy to solve a jobs crisis?

Oh waggish Forbes writer! Why can’t Scott Walker just pick and choose what metrics he wants to use to determine job growth? Shut up and pick some stocks or something!

For [many] reasons, the Establishment Survey has long been the primary tool for measuring how many jobs exist in a given state rather than the household survey.

Yet, when Scott Walker delivers his ‘good news’ this week using his version of the ‘real’ numbers of job growth in 2011, he will not be using this traditional standard. And should we insist that the Walker Administration stay within the same metrics everyone else uses so as to get a true measure of where Wisconsin ranks vis-a-vis other states?

Obviously, not, idiot. And if Scott Walker wants to start counting housewives as employed workers, or high school students as employed workers, or fired union thug protesters as employed workers (they are employed with protesting Scott Walker), he should get to do that too! No? WHY DO YOU HATE MOMS, HENGHHH? That’s what we thought, Forbes writer communist. Why don’t you go back to Germany, DICK? [Forbes]

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