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Most PopularIt is hard to know who is less popular in Wonkville: lunatic hippie Rielle Hunter, or her tousled-locked boy lover, John Edwards. It is also hard to know who is less popular in the Young household — the Youngs being the couple who agreed to fake the husband’s affair with Hunter (and paternity of Edwards’ sex mistake) to cover for the once-and-future veep and Supreme Court justice, and who now seem to be having all the fun in the world testifying against him.

We are not sure what Rielle Hunter being a total asshole has to do with John Edwards’ campaign finance violations, but prosecutors are not skimping on the details. For instance!

[Cheri] Young described, too, how she and Andrew wrote several checks, including one for $8,000, to help Hunter pay for her spiritual adviser’s services. Hunter, she said, even called in the adviser for help when she complained, at a Colorado diner, that her Reuben sandwich had the wrong sauce.

But what kind of sauce was the wrong sauce for a Reuben sandwich?

[Fox]

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  • BaldarTFlagass

    Yeah, it was the cook's "secret sauce."

    • I used to work in that sandwich shop. I was the dispenser for a few nights.

      • mrpuma2u

        It can also work as asian cusine by the apellation "cream of sumyungai"

      • Just how many jobs have you fapped your way out of?!

        • You mean fapping isn't a marketable skill?

          Oh shit, how am I gonna get a job now?

          • tessiee

            "You mean fapping isn't a marketable skill?"

            Perhaps if you're very attractive and willing to film it.

  • Barb

    She also likes her PB&J sammies with K-Y jelly, go figure.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I know a girl who thinks of ghosts
      She'll make ya breakfast
      She'll make ya toast
      She don't use butter
      She don't use cheese
      She don't use jelly
      Or any of these
      She uses
      Vaseline

      • So long as her buns are hot…

      • Barb

        Rielle reminds me more of a sloppy Joe kinda girl.

        • widestanceromance

          Sloppy seconds is her favorite.

    • chicken_thief

      It's her choice of "pb" that really turns my stomach….

      • tessiee

        Maybe she's just misinterpreting that it's supposed to be pea-NUT butter.

  • It's clear that this woman will soon be tesifying about "P-E-N-I-S going in the anus," but at least she'll speak from experience.

    • Mahousu

      No, if it had gone there, we wouldn't be hearing about all this.

      • Oh, I have no doubt that Roger John would indulge himself in the pure assence of Rielle. It's a pity he didn't do it more often, but I'm sure he had her feelings to account for

    • niblick77

      If P-E-N-I-S went into A-N-U-S Edwards would not have had as many problems as he has now.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Cream of Sum Yung Gai?

    • Jack Koff, to be precise

      • not that Radio

        Oh, good. I was wondering how this thread was going to tie back in to workplace masturbation.

        • Between Rielle and Orly, I've rubbed out two already today. Looks like it's going to be a busy day.

        • Damn straight! We don't want to get off topic.

          How's it going?

    • BenGleck

      Served by Tocan Chew

    • tessiee

      The Chinese restaurant by my house is actually named Hung Far Low*, so I got nothin' here.

      *true fact

  • chascates

    Maybe she learned her sammich choices from John Kerry.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Bet she stiffed the waitress, too.

    • chicken_thief

      When Tiger Woods stiffed a waitress, he REALLY stiffed a waitress.

    • Abernathy

      Well, we know Edwards probably wanted to.

  • bringmeanaxe

    John Edwards' 'sauce' is Russian? Commie.

    • tessiee

      "Reuben" sounds a little foreigner, too, if you know what I mean.

  • SudsMcKenzie

    Shes got a Thousand Islands of problems, but a reuben sammich aint one of them.

    • She sure wasn't Russian through it

      • MoeDeLawn

        John Edwards? Himalayan.

        • tessiee

          That was then. Now he's Finnish.

  • mavenmaven

    "John Edwards New Improved Sandwich Sauce". That's like a quadruple entendre.

    • BenGleck

      Actually "John Edwards New Improved Sandwich Sauce" is JENISS. Whereas "John Edwards Improved Sandwich Sauce". would be the better acryonym as JEISS, a possible teabagger spelling.

    • bagofmice

      As best relayed by the voice of Stephen Colbert, "Multiple Entendre!".

  • I reeaaally don't want to be there the day she finds out her Grinder wasn't made to order.

    • not that Radio

      Five dollar foot long

      • Ugh — that jingle will *not* leave my brain now~

      • Quit judging me.

        • not that Radio

          Then stop charging Colombian hooker prices. Show a little respect!

    • Tundra Grifter

      Ya can't grinder if ya can't find her.

    • SayItWithWookies

      "I'd like a twelve inch Italian, hide the salami."

      • tessiee

        You'll do a lot of Roman around to find *that*.

  • V572 Is this him?

    Hard to know who to hate more in this affair, at least until all the participant tell-all books are published. Andrew Young's a leading candidate, though, as he was hawking his product while still in the deal w/Johnny & Bunny & the Druck. Maybe Elizabeth caught cancer from just being around so much venality.

  • widestanceromance

    Methinks the lady could have used a physical advisor for insight into what can happen when a man puts his shakra inside a lady's hoohaw. Not to mention that the man is ANOTHER WOMAN'S HUSBAND.

    • You assume she isn't a pure narcissist who didn't really give a fuck, and possibly planned to get knocked up?

      • widestanceromance

        My hunch is that she is pretty much stupid from the get-go. Have an affair with a married man who is running for president, become pregnant, tape some encounters, participate in an elaborate cover-up plan (?) and you lose all claims of intelligence.

        • And yet she has not had to work a day of her life since getting knocked up. My results in that regard would indicate that she has outsmarted me!

          • widestanceromance

            But, you have the dignity of not knowing what Edwards' special sauce tastes like and knowing that everyone knows you do. That's gotta be worth something.

          • You are right. I can enjoy my reuben with the special sauce of my integrity!

          • widestanceromance

            Well, I said, something, not alot. . .sigh

          • tessiee

            Yes, it's worth…
            Um…
            Poverty!
            No, wait, that can't be right.

          • widestanceromance

            I'm glad everyone saw right through my uncharacteristic optimism on this subject. I will not let it happen again.

          • Puffperney

            Agreed Chet. Ms. Hunter knew it was the last time around on the merry-go-round for her, got in the saddle (so to speak), reached for the golden ring and snagged it.

            Proving to me that even a very smart person can be nailed if the testosterone and narcissism levels are sufficiently high.

          • tessiee

            I agree in general, but John-Boy doesn't strike me as all that smart.
            Then again, it's North Carolina, where being able to tie his own shoes would put him at the top of his class in separate-but-equal school.

    • fuflans

      she's from central fucking cliche casting.

    • Buckminster

      She knew from the git go. Can we all spell "gold digger?"

  • jodyleek

    Crazy in the head = crazy in bed.
    She must have been an incredible fuck.

    • Tundra Grifter

      Apparently a great many guys would agree with you on that one.

    • That is an original insight you don't see on Wonkette often!

    • tcaalaw

      Yes, it's what made the pregnancy so unexpected to me. Given Hunter's appearance, I would have assumed that their relationship had to have involved unspeakably perverted sex acts that would have posed no risk of procreation. I otherwise couldn't understand why Edwards would decide to tank both his marriage and his career like this.

      • jodyleek

        I wasn't surprised by the pregnancy. It is the exact plot twist that appears in every bodice ripper, every movie of the week, every soap opera ever. Their sex may have been nothing more than average – the whole affair is so pedestrian. I am amazed and dismayed that people who are given enormous opportunities in life, so often and predictably, squander it for a bit of tail.

    • tessiee

      Meh [shrug], I hope it was worth it.
      She may have been an incredible fuck, but "crazy in bed" isn't so hard to find that it's worth sacrificing your home, your career, and your reputation for. As the saying goes, you don't sell your house to go on a vacation.

      • But what if it's a mind-blowing, ecstatic, smoking-hot, extraordinarily curvy water park?!

        • jodyleek

          Funny thing you mention water parks – thousands of people use them, they require a tremendous amount of upkeep, and are often shut down for infectious disease infestations. Very apt metaphor, Chet!

        • tessiee

          "a mind-blowing, ecstatic, smoking-hot, extraordinarily curvy water park?!"

          That would be my shower massager.

          • bagofmice

            The buzz seems to signal that it's parking alot.

  • SorosBot

    This is what happens you're exceptionally rude to the waitstaff; semen on your sandwich.

    • tcaalaw

      Or if you're exceptionally polite, depending on the restaurant.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    She's probably one of those people that bitches and complains when they use Miracle Whip instead of mayo, too. Wait a minute, so am I! But then, I don't have to call a shrink about it…

    • You misread. She called a fortune teller.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        "Healer," so maybe it was Mad Max's doggy in Road Warrior she called.

    • tessiee

      Mayo is bland and boring, but Miracle Whip is actively evil.

  • ThundercatHo

    "Eenie, meenie, chili-beanie. The spirits are about to speak!"

    • Are they friendly spirits?

      • DAMN YOU!

        • BaldarTFlagass

          Karmic wheel.

      • MosesInvests

        Far away for to see, friendly spirit come to me-yep, Star Trek TOS nerd here.

    • Are they friendly spirits?

    • Tundra Grifter

      Fan mail from some flounder?

      • tessiee

        And the moral of the story is, "I wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this".

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Ultimately, the real victim here is Arnold Reuben (1883-1970), and I think it's only fair to call on President Obama to resign.

    • not that Radio

      The restaurant also played a small part in the 1919 Black Sox scandal in which the Chicago White Sox conspired to "throw" the World Series. Arnold Rothstein and Abe "The Little Champ" Attell met together in a private room inside Reuben's in an initial attempt by Attell to sell the idea to Rothstein, the most powerful sports gambler of the period.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reuben%27s_Restauran

      Get out of my head, Stanley Milgram!

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        So you're saying it was Bacon sauce on the sammich?

    • Steverino247

      Ride that meme, brother!

    • Keep squeezin', there's still paste in the tube!

      • SudsMcKenzie

        all of the tubes Chet?

    • C_R_Eature

      I'm sure Rielle went ahead and ordered the Bilireuben

  • Come here a minute

    Ms Hunter also consulted her spiritualist for advice on removing Reuben sauce stains.

    The advice: keep the stains, they may come in handy later.

    • If it had been Reuben's, we wouldn't be in this mess.

    • OneYieldRegular

      God, I hope they preserved that sammich for the Smithsonian.

    • tessiee

      Especially if they're on a blue dress.

      • bagofmice

        That would be more of a "rub-out" sauce.

  • It's so "Entitled (mostly) white people problems."

  • sharethegrief

    I just want to know how her hot dog came.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      Copiously. On her face.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        Bukkake Libel?

    • widestanceromance

      With relish, of course.

      • I'll try to ketchup with that comment, but I'm a little mustarded.

    • SudsMcKenzie

      With a lawsuit.

    • chicken_thief

      She was a little disappointed that it was the true "foot long" as advertised, but accepted it anyway. Mayo and all.

    • tessiee

      Between her buns, of course.

  • Barb

    If that's the case, John Edwards penis cost 80 cents.

    • Barb

      Ack, you deleted your 5 dollar foot long song. Now my reply makes less sense than usual, lol.

      • not that Radio

        I must have done it simultaneously while you were replying. At the time, it looked safe. Sorry about that.

    • not that Radio

      Oops. It moved, upthread. ↑

    • SudsMcKenzie

      I like it, now I can spend the rest of my day wondering why "John Edwards penis cost 80 cents"

      • not that Radio

        It's left to the reader as an exercise.

        "It can be shown that John Edwards penis cost 80 cents"

      • Chichikovovich

        "If a footlong costs 5 dollars, show that John Edwards's costs 80 cents. Assume a uniform cost per unit length. Show your work, but keep your pants on."

        • SudsMcKenzie

          …. and solved for X, (X =Penis size), and I said I would never use algebra in the real world.

      • If John Edward's penis got on a train going 50 miles an hour…

      • tessiee

        "now I can spend the rest of my day wondering why "John Edwards penis cost 80 cents" "

        Because it's twice as expensive as any other penis in North Carolina.

  • Has anyone checked into whether Rielle/ Lisa Jo Hunter-Druck is behind the Orly Taitz Armor-All campaign video? Certainly a comparable level of cray-zee there.

  • Pragmatist2

    Taco Sauce???

  • OneYieldRegular

    I think I'm going to adopt "wrong sauce for a Reuben sandwich" as my go-to line at staff meetings for any proposal with which I disagree – which is pretty much all of 'em, Katie.

    • Tundra Grifter

      OYR: I like that. Has kind of a Mad Men air.

  • It's not the first time things got ugly when Rielle didn't get what she's expecting..

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    The only things that ever happened in Greensboro, North Carolina have been a riot over pantyhose involving thousands of women during World War II, the lunch counter sit-ins, the Klan-Nazi shootout in 1979, and the John Edwards trial.

    That says something.

    • Tundra Grifter

      In the '79 Greensboro Massacre five unarmed civil rights marchers were gunned down by a mob of KKK and Nazis. Hardly a shootout. Not exactly the OK Corral.

      More Wounded Knee than Little Big Horn.

      • randcoolcatdaddy

        Very true. I was in eighth grade seeing the KKK-Nazi violence on tv and wondering why the hell my parents still wanted to live in NC.

    • An_Outhouse

      I don't think a 'Death to the Klan' march led by the Communist Party was going end well. What were they thinking?

      "the neo-Nazis claimed the agent encouraged them to carry firearms to the anti-Klan demonstration"
      What a surprise. The ATF/FBI gets the Nazis, Klan, and Communist Party to take each other out.

      • doloras

        A pedant replies: it was actually the CWP (Communist Workers Party), the Mao-lovers rather than the Stalin-lovers.

    • "The Carolina Pantyhose Riots"? Didn't Roger Corman direct that in 1966?

  • Arken

    Reubens are weird. Russian dressing and sauerkraut are both terrible, but put them on some rye bread with corned beef and it's like a big fat meaty slice of heaven.

    • chicken_thief

      "…it's like a big fat meaty slice of heaven. "

      Funny, that's exactly what John said about Reille's ass.

      • No, she's got a skinny ass, as those who have thoroughly examined the evidence to determine What The Fuck Johnny Was Thinking have concluded. It has been confirmed that she has a Horse Face, also.

        My theory is that Johnny was mainly flattered and swept up by her thorough, reckless disregard of propriety in pursuit of his fancy-ass '70s TV star hairdo, and she rocked his world in the sack despite her limited physical assets.

    • Wile E. Quixote

      SAUERKRAUT LIBEL!!!!!!

      You want to know what makes sauerkraut taste even better? Get some fresh, warm sauerkraut and pour a bunch of green Tabasco™ on it. Oh man that is good.

      • Arken

        You are a horrible person and deserve nothing less than death by lethal injection.

        • Wile E. Quixote

          Yeah, well just make sure that you put the right sauce in the lethal cocktail, otherwise I'm going to be calling my spiritual advisor.

    • Halloween Jack

      IKR? Like the best sex, the best reubens are hot, sloppy, and leave you feeling both contented and a little guilty afterwards.

  • mrpuma2u

    So I googled high maintenance chica, uh not that hot Johnny. He trashed his career for her? Even more of an epic judgment fail. At least Gary Hart had the sense to hit something hot when he f*cked his career over gettin' some strange.

    • BTWBFDIMHO

      She was Donna Rice, a Republican who famously said:
      "My heart is for Bush,
      but my bush is for Hart".

  • elburritodeluxe

    I love that his advisors knew that she was radioactive the moment they saw her approach Edwards for the first time!

  • BarackMyWorld

    This is why I'm pro-choice.

    Not that Reille should have necessarily gotten an abortion, but her mother probably should have.

  • Guppy

    Was she able to hire Nancy Reagan's astrologer?

  • anniegetyerfun

    Russian dressing is never right, you goddamn communist.

    • Buckminster

      It's so good on Freedom Fries, though.

  • FakaktaSouth

    Okay wait – how much do these "healers" make? I mean, dude, dumb ass bitches call me all the time to complain about stupid shit that doesn't make 5 seconds worth of difference in the world – had she been calling because she was eating a Reuben out of the trash, we might have had a problem. But if I could start making some bank off of idiots whining about idiot things, man I am in.

    • Eve8Apples

      Totally with you. All I need is to find a very wealthy crazy person who needs advice about anything and everything. I'll be set for life.

      I thought about sending my crazy friends and family invoices for my time when I have to straighten out their heads. Unfortunately, my friends and family can not afford to pay for professional help which is why they call me.

    • You could start a whole "Plate Feng Shui" scam! Bilk them rich bitches!

    • HistoriCat

      I hate to break it to you but you probably have too much integrity and/or self-respect to scam idiots.

      • FakaktaSouth

        I swear to God, if it weren't for not being evil, I coulda really BEEN somebody!!! (And thank ya)

        • Wile E. Quixote

          I too consider a crippling sense of ethics to be one of my worst handicaps.

    • MissTaken

      Seriously! One of my friends who makes loads more dough than I called last night because she was sitting in the dark after forgetting to pay her electric bill for the bazillionth time. My advice: put that shit on auto-pay! I really should've billed those 15 minutes at a $100/hour rate.

    • Buckminster

      I'm hanging my shingle out. That way I can charge the next dumbass who comes into my office wanting to tell his life story.

  • StarsUponThars

    Weak sauce.

  • This thread quickly morphed into a grad-level colloquium on "Themes in 21st-Century Video Pornography." What about our immortal souls, y'all?

    • JustPixelz

      Years ago I worked with a guy who looooved to make with the double entendres. Staff meetings became a countdown to how soon he would try to shift the subject from, say, emergency preparedness to "emergency preparedness", if you know what I mean. So to my fellow wonketteers in this thread, I'd like to say: "Hi Rick!"

    • Buckminster

      It's hiking the Appalachian Trail today, Katie.

    • tcaalaw

      This thread quickly morphed into a grad-level colloquium on "Themes in 21st-Century Video Pornography."

      That's kind of a dog-bites-man observation for Wonkette, no?

  • jjdaddyo

    The only reasons I can think of for this whole affair is that RH gives mind-boggingly insane hummers, or Edwards is a weapons-grade narcissist. Or both.

    • The narcissism was mutually-reinforcing, I suspect. I bet Lisa Druck doesn't even realize Ellis and McInerny were making fun of her in their novels.

  • Steverino247

    Ryan's Law (one more time!): NEVER fuck anybody crazier than you are.

    • MosesInvests

      Moses' Corollary-Never, EVER, marry a woman with unresolved Daddy issues. Now, how do I pass that wisdom on to my son without obviously insulting his mother?

      • Steverino247

        Simple. Send him a copy of what you just wrote and say "Look what some asshole wrote about your mother!"

  • Weenus299

    Awesome sauce?

  • Weenus299

    Two all-creep harpies require special sauce, along with jealous sleaze, dickles, undies, and an out-of-the-oven bun..

  • Wonderthing

    The stupid are different from you and I. They're more stupid.

    • bikerlaureate

      We're not worthy.

  • Forehead-smack! I just realized that Hairdo Obsession is the other connection between Johnny and Blago, besides juvenile fantasies about posts for which they were laughably unworthy!

  • Nowisallthereis

    Maybe the GOP chairman, Rancid Precum, had something do with it.

  • Nostrildamus

    John
    Edwards
    Splooges
    Upon
    Sandwich

  • Wile E. Quixote

    AWESOME REALITY SHOW IDEA:

    After Edwards gets convicted and they ship his ass to the joint let's have him share a cell with former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich. The slapfights over whose hair is prettier or who used the last of the Aquanet would be sheer ratings gold.

    • doloras

      … and then – the oral sex!

  • fuflans

    somebody is liking on the survey monkey.

  • DemonicRage

    In the National Enquirer photo that accompanies Wonkette's version of this earth-shaking story, take special note of the microphone thingie projecting out of Ms. Hunter's sound camera. What special uses do you think Rielle had for that device, at times when she and John were relaxing together?

  • rickmaci

    You know who else ranted and raved until her lover's minions brought in a spiritualist when she didn't like the way her sauerkraut was cooked?

    • Buckminster

      Catherine the Great?

  • MadBrahms

    I agree with the "asshole" comment so much that I'm actually torn over whether or not to check the "Semen" box, and on Wonkette that's saying something.

    • Halloween Jack

      There's always room for semen!

  • larrykat

    Thousand Island is the correct Reuben sauce. Duh.

  • fitley

    She should have known that when she bitched about how long it took to get her sandwich and they said "Don't worry lady, it's coming", as they tried not to laugh, something was up.

  • Puffperney

    My Mom's cut on it: "A gal like that doesn't get pregnant accidentally."

  • ttommyunger

    Jeez, talk about deserving each other…..

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