Now look here, whiners. The tearful consternation over the United States executive branch’s special new indefinite detention superpowers over any human Earthling including its own citizens that it can pin down long enough to slap a “TERRORIST” sticker on his forehead and haul him away at its very own special Pope-caliber hyper-infallible discretion — it’s very touching, but House Armed Services Chairman Rep. Buck McKeon and his merry band of Bush administration demons have put out a scary letter to remind you that due process is a “reward,” not a right as you might have believed, in error.
Representatives Adam Smith and Justin Amash are offering a bipartisan amendment in the House next week to strip the National Defense Authorization Act of its provision granting the military the right to indefinitely detain U.S. citizens captured on U.S. soil without trial.
This is the same as if the government started giving out free sex favors to criminals as a thank-you present for horrible behavior, according to the McKeon letter that was also signed by former Attorney General Michael Mukasey and former Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff:
“Rewarding terrorists with greater rights for making it to the United States would actually incentivize them to come to our shores, or to recruit from within the United States, where they pose the greatest risk to the American people,” the letter said. “Such a result is perverse.”
That’s true. “Greater rights” are often and awfully “perverse.” [The Hill]
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Is Due Process how they make Soylent Green?
Omg, is that where pink slime comes from?
No, silly. That's photosynthesis.
Well, the denying of it. Yes.
Posse Comitatus is in a Coma-status
Commie statist!
Pussy Communist?
Love me some communist pussy. They give according to their ability.
And to each, according to their need.
Not to be Utopian and all, but that is as good as it gets.
Pussy coma.
Shouldn't that be pussy, comma.
I am the very model of the modern major criminal
I've information governmental, corporate, subliminal…
Buck McKeon sounds like he's not living in submission to the Constitution to me.
Sounds like a fucking terrorist to me.
Rewarding terrorists with greater rights for making it to the United States would actually incentivize them to come to our shores.
Anchor terrorists!
Isn't Michelle Malkin an anchor terrorist?
More of an Anchor Idiot.
I dunno. These days she seems to spend an awful lot of time trying to undermine the duly elected government by inspiring fear in the populace. Sounds awfully terrory to me. Black helicopter to gitmo for her.
You know what's not perverse in the slightest? Fucking the presumption of innocence in the ass sideways.
Though, the cinematographer frowns when he can't get the best footage. One must always remember to keep your hands/arms out of the center field of the shot.
Edit: Oh, and always moan like you haven't done this scene a bazillion times before.
It's too bad that President Obama doesn't have my finely developed sense of irony. If Wile E. Quixote were in the Oval Office and was handed an Enabling Act like the NDAA by a bunch of teabaggers and craven Democratic dipshits like Carl Levin the first thing that President Quixote would do with his shiny new NDAA powers would be to declare everyone who voted for the NDAA a terrorist and have them sent to Gitmo. Just to be sure he'd also find all of the people who contirbuted to their campaigns, and everyone at Fox News, and send them there as well. Think of how much fun that would be.
That's what I don't get. What's stopping Obama from tactically nuking the next House GOP confab?
I mean, they threaten to destroy the USA twice before breakfast everyday unless they get they want.
Seriously, the Homer quote that begins, "Your ideas are…" rates an automatic deletion? How does that insult any of the Palin offspring?
The word which is a synonym for interesting contains a proscribed four-letter sequence.
Ahh. So it tri-, I mean, activated an automatic response. Thanks!
If you correctly spelled "intr1guing", that would do it.
The cybernanny is a bit on the dumb side. Mere mention of an entire branch of mathematics is forbidden. (And Willie Nelson owns the Guitar Which Must Not Be Named.)
All because of some retaṛded kid named Tṛig. Weird, innit?
What if we rewarded them with cookies? Would that change anything?
We could make up a posterboard chart and give them gold stars.
and puffy stickers! Don't forget puffy stickers.
Schrute Bucks! We reward you with one Schrute Buck for every piece of information given. We deduct ten Schrute Bucks if that information leads us to remotely bomb an Afghan wedding.
(please note: Schrute Bucks may not be exchanged for Stanley Nickels)
Banana stickers are the way to go.
I'd settle for puffy nips!
^^
^
A puffy banana would be nice right about now.
I've heard that the best way to wrench information out of a suspected terrorist is to actually treat him like a human being, which sometimes involves literally giving them a Coke. It takes them off guard, since they go in expecting to get roughed up and whatnot, and leads to establishing a repore with any luck.
Bonus: give 'em enough Cokes, and Big Macs with supersized fries, and they lose their kidneys. Win-win!
Mean Joe Greene Libel!!
Well, it would almost certainly make them fatter, if that's what you're getting at.
You fatten them up and then you eat them! Just like Hansel and Gretel or whatever.
Can we then infer that today's bit of rightwing enlightenment means that the Repubbies' debate over whether or not the Old Testament is part of the Bible or not has been resolved?
“Rewarding terrorists with greater rights for making it to the United States would actually incentivize them to come to our shores, or to recruit from within the United States, where they pose the greatest risk to the American people”
Yeah, because otherwise terrorists wouldn't come to the United States at all, or recruit American citizens. For example, none of the 9.11 terrorists ever set foot in the US before September 2001…
Moran.
Those 9-11 guys were very concerened about what rights their atomized remains would have. That's obviously why they tageted New York instead of Pyongyang: it was for the freedumbs!
Due process, habeas corpus, unreasonable search and seizure, speedy trial … so cute!
Kind of like horses and buggies, calico dresses, bright colored kittens in purple-eyed sashes…how does that go again?
I was thinking about building a museum or a theme park, but it's apparent no one's interested anymore.
I don't know Les. If you get enough of them harry corpses you could likely pack 'em in.
Cream colored ponies and cream covered strudels,
Schnitzels with noodles and poodles with doodles,
Brown skinned foreigners tied up with strings…
these are a few of my favorite things.
Brilliant! Anthony Layne says the funniest moment in all of cinema is when the mother abess in “The Sound of Music” sings “Climb Ev'ry Mountain.”
There's a four-minute montage of Nicolas Cage losing his shit to the music of "Requiem for a Dream" on youtube that would counteract that theory.
I believe the proper term of art is "quaint."
Rep. McKeon, the Bill of Rights called, and it said if you don't shut your ignorant ass the fuck up right now, it's gonna throw you in the hole and fill in the keyhole with molten lead.
I am trying to decide if that is perverse or simply kinky?
Aren't things that are either often both?
How many "reward" miles does it take to get a one way ticket to Cuba?
Depends, do you want to go to Havana or Gitmo?
Talk about a strict constructionist! I'm gonna go process a due-due now…
They're all about putting the the doo in doo process.
"Why you too can now enjoy the opportunity of a lifetime to live in a US military detention camp… for a lifetime"
Representatives Adam Smith and Justin Amash had ought to keep somebody, preferably their attorneys and/or some hired muscle, nearby at all times. Big Disappear will not be mocked. The invisible hand might sweep them away.
Buck McKeon thinks terrorists come to America because our court system allows them to commit crimes with impunity — but they don't realize that only applies in Mississippi.
And, seriously, if you hate America bad enough to invade Mississippi, you win.
Alternate theory: If you have an evil plan for world domination, and you set up shop in Mississippi, you're not smart enough for anyone to worry about.
And Floriduh.
I rolled my eyes at a TSA agent during a pat-down, so I know I qualify as a terrorist. And really, in our own unique way, aren't we all terrorists?
You're Henry Kissinger?
What a coincidence, I rolled my poop into a ball at a TSA agent, and stuck it into a suitcase, for manual searching.
I got hauled off to one side for special treatment because I was wearing a t-shirt with a Cyrillic logo (aeroflot).
Dumbfucks.
Nice to know they're up to date with their enemies list.
Great, isn't it? I explained that the t-shirt said "Aeroflot – Russian Airlines" and that it was my lucky flying shirt because Aeroflot were so famous for having miserable customer service that they changed their company motto to "serious about your flight", but it didn't cut it.
Next time you get called for jury duty, wear it to the selection.
*slyly, looking shiftily from side to side*
Well, maybe I am — and then again, maybe I'm not.
Who wants to know?
Darn the Bill of Rights and its pesky "technicalities."
If it weren't for those meddling
kidsFounding Fathers!Yet the real threat to FREEDUMB is OBUMMERCARE.
The question with Congress is always Stupid vs. Evil, though probably, as Grandpa Simpson once said, "a little from Column A, a little from Column B."
Stupid? I know we have an Evil Party and a Wussy Party, and each is prone to stupidity in its way, but I didn't think we had a faction whose agenda was specifically Stupid.
Or is that where Americans Elect comes in?
The Evil party is actually subdivided into Cartoonish Supervillian Evil (corporations) and Stupid Evil (the religious right); the latter faction is the one whose agenda is specifically Stupid.
You are referring to the Evil party with a sub-caucus of Stupidly Evil.
Ha, ha, OT but Tweetie just asked Haley the Barbour if Mitt ought to "spice up his ticket with somebody who has a little more color, like Nikki Haley, Bobby Jindal, or Condi Rice."
Ha! Mitt will only go with Niki if he wants to get laid, Bobby if he wants to make sure he is never overshadowed, and Condi if he wants George W. to get laid.
They could put Flavor fuckin' Flav on the ticket, and it wouldn't change a damned thing.
That's not true – it would add a little extra zest to the Wonkette posts.
Although it would pretty much guarantee that they were on time for everything.
True. He couldn't do nuthin' for them, man.
I'm going to hold my breath until the Tea Party condemns the Republican Party for ignoring the printed text of the Constitution.
Yer face will get to be the color of yer coat Lionel while you wait for that to happen.
It was nice knowing you.
McKeon has a point though. If Americans start to believe that they have certain inalienable rights based upon their citizenship in this country, while they are living in this country, just imagine what that might lead to? I mean, in just over forty years since the civil rights act passed, we have our first uppity president. Does this mean that in another forty years, we will have our first terrorist president?
We had that in the last administration.
Yes, at which point the terrorists win, fair and square, and then have no reason to attack us.
"Please, let's not expose what's great about America to the anti-American crowd. They may want to become Americans."
THEY LUV US 4 R FREEDUMZ!
Oh, I get it now. Since "they" hate us for our freedumbs then if all of our freedumbs are taken away then they'll like us again?
Well "Buck," maybe the next time some right-wing asshole makes a veiled threat against an elected official, he should be put in submission to something other than the Constitution.
Like maybe a sleeper hold.
Trial by ordeal: if you've managed to survive years of solitary imprisonment and torture without going insane you're clearly under the influence of a pagan religion and your will to live is a danger to our interests.
If she floats, she's a witch and we burn her.
"If you're a witch, you'll *fly* off the cliff, but if you're innocent, you'll fall to your honorable death."
And just for the record & such, Adam Smith's ADA voting record is just 75%, so it's not like he's a serious Washington State commie like Jim McDermott. He's a fairly conservative D'Rat who's thinkin' that the NDAA is horsefeathers.
Defend the Constitution,and it will defend YOU! Let's not give in to fear.
Ur doin it rong.
Run away! Run away!
Noam Choamsky is right: when Bush thought someone was a terrorist, he tortured them.
Now, when Obama thinks someone is a terrorist, he simply murders them
That's progress!
Nevermind that they "came" to the US (GITMO) because the Pakistani ISI and/or Northern Alliance "friendlies" turned them in for a US$10k bounty.
Well, apparently, the Buck does indeed stop here. For now. But be careful of thinking you can get more rights, or keep the ones you have, if you piss him off!
And these are the people we elected to protect our rights? What horrible little weaselly fucks they are
i did NOT vote for those people.
Due process for some is due process for none.
Habeas corpus = privilege
Offshore tax havens = right
Seems legit
Rights is an outmoded concept, like privacy. When will you libtards learn that only the strong manly hand of a God-emperor like Mitt Romney should be able to decide if and when people get the special treat of being put on trial.
Some of his best friends have been put on trial. Oh, wait…
Being able to own an AK-47 assault rifle = right
Freedom = not so much
He's just sad that the guy on Swamp People died.
They don't understand how these whole "rights" things work, do they?
The American revolution was fought for the reward of trial by jury.
Nelson Muntz: ha HA!
Look how you ended up.
John Yoo is laughing his ample ass off at all of us.
Hard to express my full hatred for that frozen-faced fucker, sitting in his comfortable DOJ office writing, "It's not really torture until you rip the limbs off or crush the organs."
I'm sure the terrists carefully consider what rights they're gonna have when they blow up shit. – especially the suicide bombers.
Seriously, how did we end up with so many dumbfucks in Washington? This goes way beyond just the brain-dead teabaggers in Congress. I know Dumbya installed hundreds of Liberty "University" grads, but haven't we flushed them out yet?
His name is Buck, and he likes to…to…what rhymes with Buck?
Run a muck?
Ugh. McKeon is the congresscritter of the area I'm moving back to. He has zero connection with Inyo or Mono Counties, but thanks to the miracle of redistricting, there ya go. And the inbreds will vote for him. Every time.
No scholars of Franklin, they.
They want to fight the terrorists by taking away what they hate about this country. Our Freedom. Stupid collaborating mother fuckers
Let's face it. OBL (may he rot) actually won. We spent trillion upon trillion on wars and stupid "economy-stimulating" tax cuts, altered regulation to allow banks 40x leverage and made a housing market like boiling milk.
The real "Mission Accomplished".
Oh, I'm good with that already. I'm just a "legal alien" not a citizen.
It's really handy when those "are you registered to vote?" people approach me at the farmers' market; I can reply in mah Oxford English "I'm terribly sorry, but I'm not eligible"
Haw, dig this:
when I lived in North Carolina, I had a co-worker of Asian descent who was from there. So, even though everyone expected him to talk like the Asian guy in the martial arts movie, he talked like all the other rednecks from NC — so he could totally screw up everybody's mind just by talking in his regular voice and accent.
Once he got pulled over, and the cop (who was not very bright) couldn't tell whether co-worker was purposely fucking with him, or what. You have to imagine both parties speaking in a thick Southern accent:
CoWorker [rolls down window, smiling in a friendly manner]: Well, Hidee, Officer, hah yew?
Officer [forehead all scrunched up]: Whut??? Whayuh yew frum?
CW: Winston-Salem.
Officer: Whayuh yore parents from?
CW: California.
Officer [waving]: Just go own.
That doesn't discourage the ACORN people, does it?
Nice! Reminds me of his “The Bad Lieutenant,” which had a few great moments interspersed with much self-indulgence. The bee bonnet was particularly enjoyable.
I can never quite decide whether I like "THE BEES!!" or "FUCK MEXICO!!" best.
There's also a completely separate and unrelated youtube video of all the truly bad hair decisions Nicolas Cage has ever made.
Saw it but experienced fear.
Whore monger = Terrorist
Freedom!!
Buck McKeon can puff my banana all he wants.
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