THE FILES ARE IN THE COMPUTER  4:50 pm May 15, 2012

Americans Elect Going The Way Of MySpace, Barack Obama Currently In Fourth Place

by Liz Colville

good job

Americans Elect, the organization that tried to get America to nominate a centrist third-party candidate using the futuristic World Wide Web, has basically admitted defeat. Yes, in America, an idiot can become president, but a well-meaning yet mysterious group of people who took the time to actually get on the ballot in 27 states cannot make a website that actually works. Via Politico, the Americans Elect organizers said Tuesday that, basically, Americans are very interested in nominating a third-party candidate, yet when we say Americans we really mean the 18,000 or so Americans who were able to use our website without wanting to stab themselves in the eye. “There is…an almost universal desire,” said Kahlil Byrd in a statement that appears on the website, “among delegates, leadership and millions of Americans who have supported AE to see a credible candidate emerge from this process.” “Millions,” that is optimistic. Anyway, it looks like there is technically a “leader” in all this, and his name is………………Ron Paul. Jon Huntsman is in second place with a whopping 3,834 votes, followed by Bernie Sanders and in fourth place, BARACK OBAMA.

Americans Elect have had Geek Squad at their house for like 268 days, and once they figure this out, they would really like you to go back on the website (first, make sure your computer is powered ON) and try again. Still not clear who exactly wasted $20 million plus on a website that doesn’t work, but of course that didn’t stop the Ron Paul supporters from finding their way into every text box on the website; they are computer-savvy.

The only identifiable monied person behind Americans Elect so far is a finance guy named Peter Ackerman (the organization also employs his son, Elliot, to save money). But there are all kinds of influential people involved in Americans Elect; they just all seem to be in finance, which can’t be that helpful, can it, after the initial wire transfer is complete?

Byrd says Americans Elect plans to have “conversations” with its millions of supporters and come to some conclusion (Barack Obama for Third-Party President 2012).

Every step of the way, AE has conferred with its community before making major decisions. We will do the same this week before determining next steps for the immediate future. AE will announce the results of these conversations on Thursday, May 17.

In the meantime, there is a big thing on the Americans Elect website of a winking George Washington that encourages you to “give a buck” to the “organization,” to help the board members pay their taxes or something.

Well that was fun. Who would YOU elect, Americans? [Politico]

Related video

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.


nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Is Americans Elect another Murdock failure like Myspace is?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

Actually, Peter Ackerman is a pretty well known philanthropist, and his investment fund specializes in green energy solutions and other environmentally sensitive issues.

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 10:46 pm

If Pete cared about "green energy solutions" he'd wouldn't be wasting our fucking time with a movement that could end up helping Republican take the White House.

Sophist[Kochblocker] May 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

No. Some people actually liked Myspace. This is a completely different level of fail.

Lucidamente1 May 15, 2012 at 4:54 pm

Well, clearly they haven't read enough columns by Tom Friedman.

Sophist[Kochblocker] May 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I knew Americans Elect was doomed when my cab driver told me he couldn't figure out how to navigate their website.

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Or maybe too many.

Their website will be fully functional in six months.

Gratuitous World May 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Rich White Guy, please.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Kahlil Byrd

You can't fool me! He's an Arabic power forward for the Galatasaray five!

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

No, just the son of hippie admirers of The Prophet.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

So basically, he's just a Gibraney?

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 5:21 pm

There just has to be a "Kahlil two Byrds with one stone" joke in there somewhere.

PuckStopsHere May 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Sometimes it works if you turn your computer off and then turn it back on after waiting for ten seconds or so. Have they tried that?

elburritodeluxe May 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

Totally unrelated: Ron Paul also just won Dancing with the Stars.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:41 pm

America's Got Talent or GTFO.

OneYieldRegular May 15, 2012 at 4:58 pm

Do any Ron Paul supporters have jobs with obligations that from time to time might interfere with their shouting, sign-painting and on-line voting, ranting, and ALL CAPS!!!!!volution?

keinsignal May 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Turns out they all work for Geek Squad, funnily enough.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Legal pot. They might finally get laid.

starfanglednut May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

Are you kidding?!
It's a full time job just painting Hitler mustaches on the Obama posters .

And then there's the guy who has to roll the joints for the ones painting the Hitler mustaches…

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

None of them, Katie.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

Com-puter. What is this Com-puter websites of what you speak?

gurukalehuru May 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Sure, everybody wants a 3rd party, but no two people want the SAME 3rd party. To put that another way, we all hate the Republicans and the Democrats, but we all hate each other just as much too, also.

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

If Obama runs as a third party candidate, he's going to split the vote.

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Because the two parties we have don't pay enough attention to the desires of our rich plutocrat overlords.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Someone has to pay attention to the hobbyhorse set.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Man, I would totally vote for the dude in the Ted Nugent hat!

Also, the creepy old guy from the Six Flags commercials is running!

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

that dude would totally subsidize my ticket. he got my vote

Chill-A-Sketch May 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm

MySpace is still up?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm

Murdoch got a continuance until after Rebekkah Brooks trial is over.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

After she's convicted, will she be sent to the same penal colony that Murdoch came from?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I think his mother's dead many years now.

Oh, penAL! My bad…

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 5:18 pm

Actually she just turned 103. Hopefully Ruppie doesn't inherit her longevity.

weejee May 15, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Needs moar Wite-Out™. Truly skilled nerds can use that on-line as easily as a bong-ready hashtag. Jeesh, look at all the clown faces we see here on Our Wonkette. How do you think they make those?

elburritodeluxe May 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

It may be more accurate to think of Americans Elect as a big, shitty data-gathering enterprise rather than a genuine effort to find a President who won't be bothered with all that politics stuff.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

You aren't suggesting it might be some shameless attempt on the part of a research company to data-farm an unsuspecting population of naifs, are you?

Arken May 15, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I can't be the only one who thinks that it was going to be Ron Paul before the website even went up in the first place.

swordfis May 15, 2012 at 5:07 pm

1. None of them, Katy
2. If they had set it up so you could "friend" a president it would have worked.
3. If Bernie Sanders doesn't qualify the thing really should die a quiet and ignominious death.

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

What about Ralph Nader? He's a proven commodity.

Rotundo_ May 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

The humble and warm side of Ralph would probably land him the nomination this time around for the Greens or some other such party.

elburritodeluxe May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

From their privacy statement:
We do not sell your personal information to third parties. We may share your personal information with third parties for a variety of reasons. In addition to sharing your personal information with third parties who provide services to us, we may share your information: with third parties responsible for checking your information against voter registration databases

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm

Uhhuh. And what do they do with your information after that?

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

They find it easy to masturbate to?

brosephgoebbels May 15, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Not only do they share the information with third parties to look up your voter registration, they can't even do it right. I tried to sign in to vote for my man Bernie, and despite me knowing without a doubt that I am registered to vote, the fucking system couldn't find me. They told me to fax them a copy of my passport; fuck that noise.

Their data lookup is provided by, which looks like a typical beltway bandit type software contractor.

chascates May 15, 2012 at 5:10 pm

And Roseanne Barr wants the Green Party nomination.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 5:14 pm

Al Green wants the Green Party nomination.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

I'll take the Bar Party nomination.

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Just stay away from the Lemon Party.

PuckStopsHere May 15, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Would a third party involve more debates? Because I don't think we had enough debates during this current election cycle.

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 5:13 pm

The Ron and Jon show actually has better alliteration than Tim and Eric.

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

Exactly the result one should expect from a group that wants an alternative to the two parties, but suggests that the candidate and his running mate be from different but already-existing parties, including the two big ones. The idea, dumbasses, is to come up with your own party.

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 5:28 pm

But that's harrrrrrd

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:31 pm

The idea for Americans Elect was to break the grip of the two major parties on national politics, which the group blames for Washington’s hyperpartisan gridlock.

Then why didn't these people go after the group that is actually *causing* the gridlock–the Party of No?

I know, I know, much easier to spout off pap about how "both sides are wrong" than to hold the true culprits responsible…

mrblifil May 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Surely there must be an aging porn star worth her salt who's ready to take up the slack, as it were.

dadanarchist May 15, 2012 at 5:45 pm

Well, this is encouraging. Maybe we can form a counter-Paultard movement of Berniebots.

Antispandex May 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

The rEVOLution is coming to the intertubes!!!!111!

CapnFatback May 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

Americans Elect, the organization that tried to get America to nominate a centrist third-party

Well, there's the problem right there. We've got one of those already. What we need is a leftist second-party.

barto May 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm

These will probably similar to the "conversations" MoveOn had with its membership when trying to see which was more popular: single-payer or the so-called "public option" (which was already rapidly degenerating into a ghost of its former, and almost plausible, self). Of course single-payer was by far the most popular choice (as you would expect in a liberal-leaning crowd). Strangely, that's not the conclusion MoveOn came to, and they never released the results of their polling. Hmmmmm…

HistoriCat May 15, 2012 at 6:30 pm

Why not go ahead and back Obama? Supporting a winner seems like a better strategy in the long run.

horsedreamer_1 May 15, 2012 at 7:11 pm

Unity08 Libel!!!

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm

What about Jethro Q. Walrustitty?

Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel?

Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeaker) Featherstone Smith (whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, then 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat (squeaker) Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeaker) Tiger-drawers Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat (sings) 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mainwaring (hoot, 'whoop') Smith?

So many good candidates to choose from!

Designer_Rants May 16, 2012 at 12:03 am

Holy shit, did you just make all that up? My favorite: "Frampton Jones Fruitbat (squeaker)"

Generation[redacted] May 16, 2012 at 12:33 am
littlebigdaddy May 15, 2012 at 8:32 pm

Needz moar John Anderson!

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Americans Elect is a cynical waste of time and effort in a nation where the "center" is so far to the right that it's about to fall off the conservative's Flat Earth. Fuck Americans Elect, and the Rassmussen poll they rode in on.

Americans Elect want the same thing the Republicans want. They just demand that you whisper literal sweet nothings in your ear while they ream you from behind, because it'd just be gauche without the foreplay, right?

the organization also employs his son, Elliot, to save money

Bless your heart, Liz. They employ his son because of cronyism.

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Call me when American Elect admits that government is broken because that's the mission statement of the current Republican Party. So long as folks with influence continue to the false equivalency bullshit, they are are culpable in keeping the government broken as the group that actually broke the government to begin with.

ttommyunger May 15, 2012 at 11:49 pm

All of them, Katie.

Designer_Rants May 16, 2012 at 12:05 am

I see the little elephant for the Repub, the little jackass for the Dem… Bernie don't get at least a little hammer and sickle?

DahBoner May 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Or at least a jug of maple syrup and hockey sticks???

DahBoner May 16, 2012 at 9:46 am

Where is Albert Einstein, John Lennon and Jesus on that list?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

There are some places even my penis refuses to go…

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm


Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: