RETURN OF THE KING  2:55 pm May 15, 2012

George W. Bush Finally Endorses Romney at Ornate Elevator Door-Shutting Ceremony

by Jim Newell

Miss this shitAt last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports… Obama, again?… no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush’s heart. Gotta make’m earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right now, because this endorsement hands him the election. Where’d they hold the presser, anyway? Classic “gay weekend at the ranch” type thing? Close. It was more like Bush just hollered something half-assed through closing elevator doors.

Bush was back in Washington on a nostalgia tour today, giving his staple human rights speech (“Kill the humans so that one day they may enjoy rights”) and getting ready to hit his favorite gay gym when who shows up, some reporter.

“I’m for Mitt Romney,” Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him, after he gave a speech on human rights a block from his old home — the White House.

Ugh, these endorsements always have the most gaudy theatrics. People are struggling out there.

[ABC News]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 133 comments }

Barb May 15, 2012 at 2:57 pm

One unemployed man giving another unemployed man a reach-around.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

It looked more like a pity lick.

WunkRocker May 15, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Zookeeper reportedly licks baby monkey's anus for over an hour – http://bit.ly/MhqDep

IonaTrailer May 15, 2012 at 3:31 pm

OH SNAP! girlfriend!

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Did Bush finally run out of brush to clear?

Tundra Grifter May 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

He's about to start on Christine O'Donnell.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

He's going to need a bigger weed whacker.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

It's not so important. It's only the weekend place now.

MoeDeLawn May 15, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Mow de lawn.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

"Bush was back in Washington on a nostalgia tour today'?

WRITING FOUL JIM!

You can't have nostalgia for a place you never lived in for more than a week at a time!

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

However, just for good measure W cleared some brush.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

If by "cleared brush," you mean he picked some hairs out of his Kent OG2

DaRooster May 15, 2012 at 3:30 pm

Yeah, but Baconz… it's not like he was on vacation like 4 times more than Barry… oh wait…

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

You're either for Mitt Romney, or against Mitt Romney.

-Ex-Comander and Chump-

Chill-A-Sketch May 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

I'd say this was the "kiss of death," but Willard was actually DOA.

tcaalaw May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

That assumes Romney was alive in the first place and not merely an incredible simulation of a living being, doesn't it?

slamtundra May 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

Eh. Not so incredible.

tcaalaw May 15, 2012 at 9:34 pm

The hair, man! The hair!

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 5:15 pm

you all seem very confident that mitt's toast.

i am not so sure.

TootsStansbury May 15, 2012 at 9:55 pm

You're correct. They are going to steal this election.

Negropolis May 16, 2012 at 1:45 am

They're sure as hell going to try, anyway.

ManchuCandidate May 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

"I'm all fer Human Rights, heh heh. Cause I don't like Human Lefts. Their so whiny about don't invade iraq cause it had nuthing to do wit 9/Eeeelven. Like I cared. I cleared Brush as preznit. Oh and Romney will complete the job I started out. Making US America big and strong for the ownership society. Us."

bikerlaureate May 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

Thank you for this most helpful clarification of a very confusing sentence in the original post.

Hopefully now we can look forward to Cheney's speech on firearms safety.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm

""I'm all fer Human Rights, heh heh"

This many months later, that giggle and smirk still send me to the place in the Venn diagram between being creeped out and being wildly annoyed.

Tundra Grifter May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

A least this time Mr. Bush managed to get the doors to open.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Dang, we should have put larger locks on his Preston Hollow home.

Tundra Grifter May 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm

This woman kept me up all night, banging on my hotel room door.

I finally had to let her out.

~ thank you Henny Youngman!

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Maybe now Mittens can get the next most coveted endorsement, Charles Manson's.

James Michael Curley May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Bush endorses Rmoney who endorses Bush's policy but will never mention Bush's name.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

I don't miss that guy.

ManchuCandidate May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

No one does.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 3:08 pm

I've seen bumper stickers (admittedly it's here in TX) with his likeness and the query "Miss me yet?" Makes me wish I had sprung for the rocket launcher option when I ordered the car.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm

If I saw that, I would point and laugh.

Good thing I live in a blue state or someone would have shot me by now…

George Spelvin May 16, 2012 at 12:58 am

"No, I haven't had you in my sights yet".

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

He sure still shows that ugly mug though so he is hard to forget.

DaRooster May 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

"…after he gave a speech on human rights…"

You gotta be fucking kidding me!

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Now now, calm down. He used a teleprompter.

DaRooster May 15, 2012 at 3:22 pm

"I got me a telepromotor… heh, heh, heh."

IceCreamEmpress May 15, 2012 at 3:10 pm

He took a bold position against them.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 3:19 pm

He's always been pro-human rights, he just has odd ideas about who is and who is not human.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Corporations are people too, my friend!

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm

Nope, not kidding.
It was at the grammar rodeo.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Shhhhhh. Ya hear that?

It was Mitt just face palming for his bid for POTUS.

ManchuCandidate May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

To be fair, every day of Mittens 2012 campaign has been a facepalm moment.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Touche.

EatsBabyDingos May 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

Wonder if he did the "Dreamboat Stare" into his eyes like he did with Putin. Twinkle! Giggle!

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:08 pm

Mitty-Mitt?

skoalrebel May 15, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I expect Sarah to endorse him any day now. [spit!]. I plan to ride through town like Paul Revere, ringing my bells and warning the British "Mitt's coming! Mitt's coming! Watch out, you fuckin' illegal Brits, ol' Mitt's gonna blast y'all right in the face!" [spit!]

SoBeach May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Hope there's good video of that "endorsement". I'm sure President Obama will feature it in his campaign ads.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:08 pm

If I'm Obama, I'm getting that elevator security tape as fast as I can. That would be perfect: grainy wide-angle shot would make it clear how quickly Bush wanted to get the hell away from taking responsibility for his words.

Again.

GuyClinch May 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Future news item: "The elevator's security tape shows President Bush giggle momentarily and then absently pick his nose and examine the extracted mucus before giggling again."

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

He's more the "turn to camera and make funny faces" kind of guy. You know, if he wasn't ex-President, security would stall the elevator between floors for a couple of hours just to make him stop.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:23 pm

Ten bucks says he eats it.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Bush's endorsement will carry such weight with the entire Bush daughter population.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

IDK, I hear Jenna's iffy…

MosesInvests May 15, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Check out the "WTF?" expression on her face as she looks at Dad holding the flag upside down at the Olympics.

Negropolis May 16, 2012 at 1:48 am

Hell, Dubya's daughters are on the road to heathen liberalism if they haven't already been there for years.

DaRooster May 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

"Ahm fer the Mittster… you know… Ronmeykins…. heh, heh, heh…"

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

I hope Mitt felt something icy down his throat at that moment — the kiss of death should have some tongue.

MOG2410 May 15, 2012 at 3:34 pm

umm, yeah.

bumfug May 15, 2012 at 3:06 pm

The only doors I want to see closing on GWB are made of steel bars.

OneYieldRegular May 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Somebody, quick, tell him that there's a fabulous elevator he must see immediately. It's in Malaysia.

DaRooster May 15, 2012 at 3:26 pm

Or a 747… with him outside… mid flight.

coolhandnuke May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Hoping Mitt and Shrub share a pretzel together.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:14 pm

While alone. In a locked room. With sharks.

coolhandnuke May 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm

And Jets.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

Snap. Snap.

slithytoves May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

He had to say it 'cause his mommy told him to.

chascates May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Isn't he about due for a liver transplant?

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm

As donor?

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 3:26 pm

In his frontal lobe — the box of Chiclets there now has lost its flavor.

GuyClinch May 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

Mittens/Elevator Shaft 2012!

IceCreamEmpress May 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Shut yo' mouth!

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

But he's talking bout "Shaft"!

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

*chicks*
And we can dig it!

WhatTheHeck May 15, 2012 at 3:39 pm

They say this cat Mittens is a bad mother – in a Blainsploition way

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Of course Bush endorsed Romney. Where do you think they placed Cheney's old heart.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:26 pm

At a crossroads by the light of the full moon, with a wooden stake through it, and garlic, I hope.

DeeJayKitteh May 15, 2012 at 3:09 pm

Not heard by the reporter after the doors closed: "He's the feller who's the quarterback for the Texans, right? Wait..that's Matt Schaub? And I'm a Cowboys fan? Oh well. Heh heh heh."

vodkamuppet May 15, 2012 at 3:10 pm

I'm for Romney too George, I think Drew Carey sucks as a host for The Price is Right. Put Romney in salmon colored pants and he would own that show forever.

Baconzgood May 15, 2012 at 3:14 pm

I wish they would bring back Let's Make a Deal. That has nothing to do with your comment I just want to put it on the interwebz record.

DahBoner May 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm

Those pants are swimming upstream!!!!! 1!!!! 1!!!!

vodkamuppet May 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

And they'll die when they get there! You watched PBS last night!

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Or he would at least know a lot of people who owned TV shows.

vodkamuppet May 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm

TV shows are people too, my friend.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:11 pm

It's so funny to see the current slate of Republicans avoid that Personal Noun. They can't even talk about landscaping with out stumbling to call it shrubbery.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Which is appropriate, since he could neither walk nor talk without stumbling.
"Dry drunk", my ass.

MissTaken May 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

“I’m for Mitt Romney,” Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him

No way. Bush is physically incapable of referring to someone by their name. He must've said "Hehe, I'm for the Mormomney. Get it? He's a Mormon, and he's a Romney. Took me just 3 years to come up with that one. Hehe."

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 3:37 pm

And he's got more money, also too.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm

He's also physically incapable of pronouncing the words "Nuclear" and "Sorry".

starfanglednut May 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

He used to call the white house chef "Cookie". Srsly.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 3:12 pm

o/~ I left my heart….in Mittbot 3000 o/~

Lascauxcaveman May 15, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Bush is just mad a Obama for killing his buddy, bin Laden, who easily the best thing that happened to W in his administration.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 3:17 pm

And kin to his Arbusto business partner.

Rotundo_ May 15, 2012 at 5:12 pm

Y'know if you ignore the thousands of people killed in all of it and the torture and the maiming and the resultant depression, it was an 8 year long buddy flick with those two. The Itchy and Scratchy of the turn of the new century.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Who would FetusJar Bush endorse?

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:28 pm

Fetus kisser Santorum, of course.

DahBoner May 15, 2012 at 3:15 pm

OT: Speaking of Texas idiots, Texas continues it's 100% Legal Adult Fetus Abortions.

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 3:27 pm

Being unable to afford your own lawyer is a capital offense in many states.

YasserArraFeck May 15, 2012 at 3:15 pm

I believe W sold his brush plantation (the worldwide market in brush collapsed along with everything else). I hear Brokeback Niggerhead is available for "ranch weekends for the Boys".

sullivanst May 15, 2012 at 3:18 pm

I'm for Mitt Romney

Wow. I knew Mitt was rich, but I didn't realize he was rich enough to order ex-Presidents for dinner.

IceCreamEmpress May 15, 2012 at 3:36 pm

It's a cookbook!

MosesInvests May 15, 2012 at 11:07 pm

With fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Mahousu May 15, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Romney never has to worry about reporters shouting questions through the doors of his elevator.

MilwaukeeKent May 16, 2012 at 12:46 am

I can't find the books. Thery must be in La Jolla.

Blueb4sunrise May 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Google shows the Daily Caller as the top hit for this story….someone go look …………

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

Oh, thanks for the Bush post; I just threw my shoe into the screen and now it's too full of broken glass to put back on.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:30 pm

Too bad for you; when a shoe is thrown at the *actual* Bush, he can duck out of its way. Amazing, when you think that he started out with about four-fifths of a brain to begin with, and then fried about half of that with coke and booze.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 4:38 pm

He's quick for such a slow child, I'll give him that.

TootsStansbury May 15, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Ugh. No snark. I had put him our of my mind and recently there was footage of him on a news show I was watching. I immediately started ranting about those fuckers breaking the Government and they all belong in jail etc. Mr. Stansbury was sympathetic.

I am editing my comment in order to have a comfortable rant in the ether since this is an old post. I have nothing new or insightful to add; I would just like to vent. My posts during the day are limited due to the fact that I am furtively tapping (NOT Fapping!) comments on my phone. It's therapy and it helps.

We all laugh at the antics of the right but I'm afraid they might have broken the Republic beyond repair. I know it didn't start with Bush the Younger or even St, Ronald of the Shining City. But the Bush administration accelerated the destruction of this country to Mach 5. Some commenters were doing the "heh heh" thing in their funny posts; I read these in that voice and cringed. I had blocked that eight year mess from memory in order to concentrate on life affirming Hope and Change and thinking positively.

He heh heh smirky smirky'd while destroying the ideal of America that I grew up believing. I am a Navy Brat, very patriotic; fuck these rat fucking bastards, fuck them all.

Thank you for allowing me to vent my spleen.

Oh and poor Mr. Stansbury; usually when I yell at the teevee or the internet he patiently talks me away from the ledge. The rare Bush administration news flash back; he just totally agreed with me and that was that.

weejee May 15, 2012 at 3:30 pm

They missed that after the elevator doors closed, Shrub went full smirking chimp mode and flashed the crossed fingers he was hiding behind his back.

Blueb4sunrise May 15, 2012 at 3:30 pm

You should still go look at D.C. I would, but I'm eating lunch.

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 3:32 pm

Bush was speaking today at an event to promote the George W. Bush Presidential Center’s campaign for human rights activists around the world.

Okay — I fuckin' refuse to believe the Dubya Liberry has a campaign for human rights activists unless it's a campaign to pick them up one by one and fly them to a Syrian prison to be tortured. The best thing Dubya could do for human rights is to fuck himself with a hot poker.

Eve8Apples May 15, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Was there a "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banner hanging above the elevator door to remind voters that W. was an incompetent braggart. I hope he gives a speech at the GOP convention in Tampa so we remember who drove the economy into the ditch before leaving D.C.

I'm sure Romney wants his endorsement like he wants a bad case of genital warts.

johnnymeatworth May 15, 2012 at 3:34 pm

It only took seven years, but Bush has finally found a way to make doors work FOR him….

keinsignal May 15, 2012 at 4:18 pm

Well, it's pretty close to how I imagined the event would go. Except in my version instead of closing elevator doors he'd deliver his endorsement while being suddenly flipped upside down and yanked skyward when his foot became entangled in the tether line of a runaway hot air balloon.

"I endorse Mitt Romney and somebody help me I don't know how this thing woooooooorks…."

greenide1 May 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm

Dubya appreciated Mittens' high school strategery in beatin' up the gay kid.

Nostrildamus May 15, 2012 at 6:40 pm

Whompin' on the weak is an unalienable human right.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Later, they bonded over their shared inability to understand the price scanners at the supermarket.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

*folds hands*
*looks up saucer-eyed*
Golly gosh, I sure hope that Mr. Former President W Bush is on the Teevee a LOT between now and November. I bet that nice Mr. Obama hopes so, too.

tessiee May 15, 2012 at 4:40 pm

Needs moar Bob Boudelang.

glamourdammerung May 15, 2012 at 4:47 pm

Someone should make a campaign ad of just the elevator closing and Bush's comment.

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 5:09 pm

yeah that's pretty brilliant.

JackObin May 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Little Georgie Bush cannot spell endorse, and doesn't know what it means.

PuckStopsHere May 15, 2012 at 5:16 pm

If he were being honest (I know, right?) he would have said, "To tell you the truth, I don't think about him all that much…"

Isyaignert May 15, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Haha – I remember that photo of GeeDub at the Olympics – he was falling down drunk and had serious pit stains on his shirt – gross.

Gee, the Kissingers look like a lot of fun on a date, don't they?

mrblifil May 15, 2012 at 5:35 pm

AWOL A-Hole.

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 5:38 pm

that battleax in front of the upside down flag must be so proud to be so immortalized.

ttommyunger May 16, 2012 at 12:06 am

When I'm reminded of this person, I almost feel sorry for him, then I think about all the lost lives, broken bodies, ruined households, and shattered hopes and dreams he's responsible for….and the feeling passes.

MilwaukeeKent May 16, 2012 at 1:03 am

If he'd had even an ounce of intellectual curiosity there was the potential to be a decent President. He actually manned-up and flew straight, a tiny bit, in the second half of the second term, when he put parasites like Cheney and Rumsfeld on ice, ordered up the surge that Shinseki and others suggested at the outset and so on. Of course we'd go on to lose about 11,000 Americans, all told, between 9-11/Afghan War/Iraq War/Katrina due to his frat boy/dry-drunk fecklessness, but it isn't like he gave Angela Merkel a noogie or anything…oh, wait.

ttommyunger May 16, 2012 at 6:46 am

So sad…..

George Spelvin May 16, 2012 at 1:25 am

Oh, please. If he'd had an ounce of intellectual curiosity, he wouldn't have come within a hundred miles of the fucking nomination in 2000.

He had less independent intellectual activity than Ronnie McCarthy. For some years, I thought I would never find another politician that I detested as much as St Ronnie, but W has made it close.

Negropolis May 16, 2012 at 1:28 am

When you are endorsing Romney, it sticks best when it's done in quiet rooms…

So, how much did the endorsement cost, Mitt?

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