return of the king

George W. Bush Finally Endorses Romney at Ornate Elevator Door-Shutting Ceremony

Miss this shitAt last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports… Obama, again?… no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush’s heart. Gotta make’m earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right now, because this endorsement hands him the election. Where’d they hold the presser, anyway? Classic “gay weekend at the ranch” type thing? Close. It was more like Bush just hollered something half-assed through closing elevator doors.

Bush was back in Washington on a nostalgia tour today, giving his staple human rights speech (“Kill the humans so that one day they may enjoy rights”) and getting ready to hit his favorite gay gym when who shows up, some reporter.

“I’m for Mitt Romney,” Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him, after he gave a speech on human rights a block from his old home — the White House.

Ugh, these endorsements always have the most gaudy theatrics. People are struggling out there.

[ABC News]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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  1. Baconzgood

    "Bush was back in Washington on a nostalgia tour today'?


    You can't have nostalgia for a place you never lived in for more than a week at a time!

    1. DaRooster

      Yeah, but Baconz… it's not like he was on vacation like 4 times more than Barry… oh wait…

    1. tcaalaw

      That assumes Romney was alive in the first place and not merely an incredible simulation of a living being, doesn't it?

  2. ManchuCandidate

    "I'm all fer Human Rights, heh heh. Cause I don't like Human Lefts. Their so whiny about don't invade iraq cause it had nuthing to do wit 9/Eeeelven. Like I cared. I cleared Brush as preznit. Oh and Romney will complete the job I started out. Making US America big and strong for the ownership society. Us."

    1. bikerlaureate

      Thank you for this most helpful clarification of a very confusing sentence in the original post.

      Hopefully now we can look forward to Cheney's speech on firearms safety.

    2. tessiee

      ""I'm all fer Human Rights, heh heh"

      This many months later, that giggle and smirk still send me to the place in the Venn diagram between being creeped out and being wildly annoyed.

      1. Tundra Grifter

        This woman kept me up all night, banging on my hotel room door.

        I finally had to let her out.

        ~ thank you Henny Youngman!

  3. James Michael Curley

    Bush endorses Rmoney who endorses Bush's policy but will never mention Bush's name.

      1. BaldarTFlagass

        I've seen bumper stickers (admittedly it's here in TX) with his likeness and the query "Miss me yet?" Makes me wish I had sprung for the rocket launcher option when I ordered the car.

        1. Callyson

          If I saw that, I would point and laugh.

          Good thing I live in a blue state or someone would have shot me by now…

    1. widestanceromance

      He's always been pro-human rights, he just has odd ideas about who is and who is not human.

  4. EatsBabyDingos

    Wonder if he did the "Dreamboat Stare" into his eyes like he did with Putin. Twinkle! Giggle!

  5. skoalrebel

    I expect Sarah to endorse him any day now. [spit!]. I plan to ride through town like Paul Revere, ringing my bells and warning the British "Mitt's coming! Mitt's coming! Watch out, you fuckin' illegal Brits, ol' Mitt's gonna blast y'all right in the face!" [spit!]

  6. SoBeach

    Hope there's good video of that "endorsement". I'm sure President Obama will feature it in his campaign ads.

    1. actor212

      If I'm Obama, I'm getting that elevator security tape as fast as I can. That would be perfect: grainy wide-angle shot would make it clear how quickly Bush wanted to get the hell away from taking responsibility for his words.


      1. GuyClinch

        Future news item: "The elevator's security tape shows President Bush giggle momentarily and then absently pick his nose and examine the extracted mucus before giggling again."

        1. actor212

          He's more the "turn to camera and make funny faces" kind of guy. You know, if he wasn't ex-President, security would stall the elevator between floors for a couple of hours just to make him stop.

      1. MosesInvests

        Check out the "WTF?" expression on her face as she looks at Dad holding the flag upside down at the Olympics.

    1. Negropolis

      Hell, Dubya's daughters are on the road to heathen liberalism if they haven't already been there for years.

  7. SayItWithWookies

    I hope Mitt felt something icy down his throat at that moment — the kiss of death should have some tongue.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      Somebody, quick, tell him that there's a fabulous elevator he must see immediately. It's in Malaysia.

    1. SayItWithWookies

      In his frontal lobe — the box of Chiclets there now has lost its flavor.

  8. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Of course Bush endorsed Romney. Where do you think they placed Cheney's old heart.

    1. tessiee

      At a crossroads by the light of the full moon, with a wooden stake through it, and garlic, I hope.

  9. DeeJayKitteh

    Not heard by the reporter after the doors closed: "He's the feller who's the quarterback for the Texans, right? Wait..that's Matt Schaub? And I'm a Cowboys fan? Oh well. Heh heh heh."

  10. vodkamuppet

    I'm for Romney too George, I think Drew Carey sucks as a host for The Price is Right. Put Romney in salmon colored pants and he would own that show forever.

    1. Baconzgood

      I wish they would bring back Let's Make a Deal. That has nothing to do with your comment I just want to put it on the interwebz record.

  11. Jus_Wonderin

    It's so funny to see the current slate of Republicans avoid that Personal Noun. They can't even talk about landscaping with out stumbling to call it shrubbery.

    1. tessiee

      Which is appropriate, since he could neither walk nor talk without stumbling.
      "Dry drunk", my ass.

  12. MissTaken

    “I’m for Mitt Romney,” Bush told ABC News this morning as the doors of an elevator closed on him

    No way. Bush is physically incapable of referring to someone by their name. He must've said "Hehe, I'm for the Mormomney. Get it? He's a Mormon, and he's a Romney. Took me just 3 years to come up with that one. Hehe."

  13. Lascauxcaveman

    Bush is just mad a Obama for killing his buddy, bin Laden, who easily the best thing that happened to W in his administration.

    1. Rotundo_

      Y'know if you ignore the thousands of people killed in all of it and the torture and the maiming and the resultant depression, it was an 8 year long buddy flick with those two. The Itchy and Scratchy of the turn of the new century.

  14. YasserArraFeck

    I believe W sold his brush plantation (the worldwide market in brush collapsed along with everything else). I hear Brokeback Niggerhead is available for "ranch weekends for the Boys".

  15. sullivanst

    I'm for Mitt Romney

    Wow. I knew Mitt was rich, but I didn't realize he was rich enough to order ex-Presidents for dinner.

  16. Blueb4sunrise

    Google shows the Daily Caller as the top hit for this story….someone go look …………

  17. widestanceromance

    Oh, thanks for the Bush post; I just threw my shoe into the screen and now it's too full of broken glass to put back on.

    1. tessiee

      Too bad for you; when a shoe is thrown at the *actual* Bush, he can duck out of its way. Amazing, when you think that he started out with about four-fifths of a brain to begin with, and then fried about half of that with coke and booze.

  18. TootsStansbury

    Ugh. No snark. I had put him our of my mind and recently there was footage of him on a news show I was watching. I immediately started ranting about those fuckers breaking the Government and they all belong in jail etc. Mr. Stansbury was sympathetic.

    I am editing my comment in order to have a comfortable rant in the ether since this is an old post. I have nothing new or insightful to add; I would just like to vent. My posts during the day are limited due to the fact that I am furtively tapping (NOT Fapping!) comments on my phone. It's therapy and it helps.

    We all laugh at the antics of the right but I'm afraid they might have broken the Republic beyond repair. I know it didn't start with Bush the Younger or even St, Ronald of the Shining City. But the Bush administration accelerated the destruction of this country to Mach 5. Some commenters were doing the "heh heh" thing in their funny posts; I read these in that voice and cringed. I had blocked that eight year mess from memory in order to concentrate on life affirming Hope and Change and thinking positively.

    He heh heh smirky smirky'd while destroying the ideal of America that I grew up believing. I am a Navy Brat, very patriotic; fuck these rat fucking bastards, fuck them all.

    Thank you for allowing me to vent my spleen.

    Oh and poor Mr. Stansbury; usually when I yell at the teevee or the internet he patiently talks me away from the ledge. The rare Bush administration news flash back; he just totally agreed with me and that was that.

  19. weejee

    They missed that after the elevator doors closed, Shrub went full smirking chimp mode and flashed the crossed fingers he was hiding behind his back.

  20. SayItWithWookies

    Bush was speaking today at an event to promote the George W. Bush Presidential Center’s campaign for human rights activists around the world.

    Okay — I fuckin' refuse to believe the Dubya Liberry has a campaign for human rights activists unless it's a campaign to pick them up one by one and fly them to a Syrian prison to be tortured. The best thing Dubya could do for human rights is to fuck himself with a hot poker.

  21. Eve8Apples

    Was there a "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banner hanging above the elevator door to remind voters that W. was an incompetent braggart. I hope he gives a speech at the GOP convention in Tampa so we remember who drove the economy into the ditch before leaving D.C.

    I'm sure Romney wants his endorsement like he wants a bad case of genital warts.

  22. johnnymeatworth

    It only took seven years, but Bush has finally found a way to make doors work FOR him….

  23. keinsignal

    Well, it's pretty close to how I imagined the event would go. Except in my version instead of closing elevator doors he'd deliver his endorsement while being suddenly flipped upside down and yanked skyward when his foot became entangled in the tether line of a runaway hot air balloon.

    "I endorse Mitt Romney and somebody help me I don't know how this thing woooooooorks…."

  24. tessiee

    Later, they bonded over their shared inability to understand the price scanners at the supermarket.

  25. tessiee

    *folds hands*
    *looks up saucer-eyed*
    Golly gosh, I sure hope that Mr. Former President W Bush is on the Teevee a LOT between now and November. I bet that nice Mr. Obama hopes so, too.

  26. PuckStopsHere

    If he were being honest (I know, right?) he would have said, "To tell you the truth, I don't think about him all that much…"

  27. Isyaignert

    Haha – I remember that photo of GeeDub at the Olympics – he was falling down drunk and had serious pit stains on his shirt – gross.

    Gee, the Kissingers look like a lot of fun on a date, don't they?

  28. fuflans

    that battleax in front of the upside down flag must be so proud to be so immortalized.

  29. ttommyunger

    When I'm reminded of this person, I almost feel sorry for him, then I think about all the lost lives, broken bodies, ruined households, and shattered hopes and dreams he's responsible for….and the feeling passes.

    1. MilwaukeeKent

      If he'd had even an ounce of intellectual curiosity there was the potential to be a decent President. He actually manned-up and flew straight, a tiny bit, in the second half of the second term, when he put parasites like Cheney and Rumsfeld on ice, ordered up the surge that Shinseki and others suggested at the outset and so on. Of course we'd go on to lose about 11,000 Americans, all told, between 9-11/Afghan War/Iraq War/Katrina due to his frat boy/dry-drunk fecklessness, but it isn't like he gave Angela Merkel a noogie or anything…oh, wait.

  30. George Spelvin

    Oh, please. If he'd had an ounce of intellectual curiosity, he wouldn't have come within a hundred miles of the fucking nomination in 2000.

    He had less independent intellectual activity than Ronnie McCarthy. For some years, I thought I would never find another politician that I detested as much as St Ronnie, but W has made it close.

  31. Negropolis

    When you are endorsing Romney, it sticks best when it's done in quiet rooms…

    So, how much did the endorsement cost, Mitt?

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