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Colorado House Speaker Forced To Find More Clever Ways To Murder Undead Civil Union Bill

BRAINZWe thought it was pretty special last week when Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty killed a civil union bill dead by fleeing the chamber and never coming back. But the goddamn zombie civil union bill ROSE FROM THE DEAD when the stupid governor ordered the Lege into a special session to vote on it and other important things that got hung up by McNulty’s clever plan of running away so no one could vote. So what has he done to finally drive a stake through the heart of these icky legal protections for homosexual families? Well, he decreed that the session would only last three days, and that bill, which had passed through three committees already? Well, we’d best see what objections the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs might have to people visiting their dying same-sex partners in the hospital!

Answer: all of the objections. The Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs had all the objections to civil unions, somehow, because that is what they oversee, we guess. And that is why they voted 5-4 to kill it in committee.

McNulty, naturally, blames Gov. John Hickenlooper and the Democrats, for being “divisive” and trying to “tear the state apart.” That is because a supermajority of Colorado voters approve of the civil unions bill, so the Democrats are being divisive by forcing the Republicans (minus all the GOP women) to vote against what their constituents want. DIABOLICAL! [ThinkProgress]

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    1. Callyson

      I think it's the fucking that McNulty *didn't* do that is driving this problem…

    1. Generation[redacted]

      She taught us to sit in the tub face up, not down. And isn't that enough?

    2. tcaalaw

      Don't put off that plastic surgery appointment because you never know when a bunch of strangers are going to see you naked?

  1. Fairtackle

    Once again they are being victimized by not being allowed to oppress those they wish to oppress.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Or as Chris Hedges said after 9/11 (well I think it was Chris Hedges), "We're all Serbs now."

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Well, if the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs hadn't killed it, he would have just sent it to the Committee on Weights and Measures.

  3. Lascauxcaveman

    The race is not always to the swift; nor the battle to the reasonable guys in the room.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    This stupid saga will end like all these sagas do… McNutly will be found in a hotel room with a bag of meth and the cock of a rough trick body builder named Jim in his mouth.

    And no one, absolutely no one, will be surprised.

  5. BaldarTFlagass

    How are the forces of Good ever going to triumph when they are arrayed against such Machiavellian cleverosity?

  6. An_Outhouse

    "Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty"

    I read that as 'Skull Fucker'.

    Isn't that weird?

  7. memzilla

    If teh gheys were such a threat to society, wouldn't we be seeing some proof of that by now>?

      1. memzilla

        I was thinking, you know, roving gangs of gheys, insisting on their right to carry firearms everywhere, speaking their own dialect, putting non-Murrikan flags on their vehicles, taking over whole regions of the country, having their own special sports that no one else cares about…

        … wait, what?

    1. prommie

      Umm, I have two words for you: Sodom and Gomorrah. What more evidence do you need?

    2. Blueb4sunrise

      The only threat I see is wingers spending too much time freaking out over the gaii instead of maybe doing something vaguely productive.

    1. rickmaci


      Denver/Boulder is like San Francisco/Berkeley.

      The rest of the state is Oklahoma.

      1. proudgrampa

        Sounds about right. Ft. Collins and CO Springs (used to do a lot of business there) were full of fundamentalist nutjobs.

  8. SorosBot

    It makes complete sense to have the the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs decide on same-sex not-quite-marriage, totally; he wasn't just sending it to whatever random committee had the most bigoted votes available.

    1. Generation[redacted]

      Yes, and the illegality of gay marriage is the only thing what saved him.

  9. James Michael Curley

    This bill would be signed and in law if the Colorado Governor Hickenlooper had a normal American name like M. Night Shamalama-ding-dong.

      1. James Michael Curley

        I have seen a few of his movies. Like John Grisham novels, you can start one and switch to another in the middle and hardly notice the change.

        1. Designer_Rants

          No, I have a 3yr old flip phone that I ignore whenever possible. But I have to tell you I had to make an impromptu delivery road trip this afternoon and I was driving for a few hours when the name "M. Night Shamalama-ding-dong" popped into my head and I once again laughed out loud. You Wonketeers make me happy.

          1. James Michael Curley

            As I said to Ms Curley recently, a few years ago we were buying new cell phones because they were smaller than the one we had. Now we are buying new cell phones because the viewing screen is larger than the one we have.

    1. flamingpdog

      If he were a Republican, which he is in real life, his name would be Dickinpooper.

  10. Callyson

    The voters of Colorado meet in November and observers expect they will likely respond by killing his one-seat GOP House majority and ending his reign as Speaker

    Sending him the pink slip over this issue will be delicious irony, indeed…

    1. bikerlaureate

      Why would they want him out? Don't leaders of courage and integrity always flee the legislative chamber when they don't get their way?

    1. chicken_thief

      Why does the other allegedly geyh man have his hand up that little girl's pooper?

  11. MissTaken

    I'm surprised he hasn't gone with the rock-solid argument that "civil unions has the word union in it so they are obviously liberal, socialist plots to take over the world and hurt job creators".

  12. SayItWithWookies

    But if this law passed, wouldn't it really be discriminating against bigots? And isn't that anti-Christian? Please, people — before you're nice to someone just because they're also a human being — think of the bigots.

  13. LesBontemps

    It would have been nice to have a civil union alternative, because actual marriage is about the most uncivil union I've ever seen.

  14. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    What is wrong with you Sheeple! Can't you see if we let teh ghayez form unions, that soon they will take over all of our veteran's affairs offices, and soon no one will receive any benefits for defending out freedom unless they are fabulous? I'm sure if I had a chalk board, this would all be clear.

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