FORUM SHOPPING  12:43 pm May 15, 2012

Colorado House Speaker Forced To Find More Clever Ways To Murder Undead Civil Union Bill

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

BRAINZWe thought it was pretty special last week when Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty killed a civil union bill dead by fleeing the chamber and never coming back. But the goddamn zombie civil union bill ROSE FROM THE DEAD when the stupid governor ordered the Lege into a special session to vote on it and other important things that got hung up by McNulty’s clever plan of running away so no one could vote. So what has he done to finally drive a stake through the heart of these icky legal protections for homosexual families? Well, he decreed that the session would only last three days, and that bill, which had passed through three committees already? Well, we’d best see what objections the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs might have to people visiting their dying same-sex partners in the hospital!

Answer: all of the objections. The Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs had all the objections to civil unions, somehow, because that is what they oversee, we guess. And that is why they voted 5-4 to kill it in committee.

McNulty, naturally, blames Gov. John Hickenlooper and the Democrats, for being “divisive” and trying to “tear the state apart.” That is because a supermajority of Colorado voters approve of the civil unions bill, so the Democrats are being divisive by forcing the Republicans (minus all the GOP women) to vote against what their constituents want. DIABOLICAL! [ThinkProgress]

 

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{ 60 comments }

Gratuitous World May 15, 2012 at 12:45 pm

"What the fuck did I do?"

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I think it's the fucking that McNulty *didn't* do that is driving this problem…

Barb May 15, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Whitney Houston dying in a tub with no clothes on has taught us nothing.

nounverb911 May 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Wear clothes while bathing?

rickmaci May 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Use the shower?

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

She taught us to sit in the tub face up, not down. And isn't that enough?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Always have a P E N I S to sit on for support?

tcaalaw May 15, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Don't put off that plastic surgery appointment because you never know when a bunch of strangers are going to see you naked?

flamingpdog May 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm

Can I come live with you in New Mexico? I'm not liking Colorado right now.

Barb May 16, 2012 at 7:56 am

Yes, you may.

Fairtackle May 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Once again they are being victimized by not being allowed to oppress those they wish to oppress.

Ducksworthy May 21, 2012 at 11:54 am

Or as Chris Hedges said after 9/11 (well I think it was Chris Hedges), "We're all Serbs now."

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Well, if the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs hadn't killed it, he would have just sent it to the Committee on Weights and Measures.

LesBontemps May 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

the Committee on Weights and Measures

"No fat chicks"?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm

Kilos are so gay.

Lascauxcaveman May 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm

The race is not always to the swift; nor the battle to the reasonable guys in the room.

ManchuCandidate May 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

This stupid saga will end like all these sagas do… McNutly will be found in a hotel room with a bag of meth and the cock of a rough trick body builder named Jim in his mouth.

And no one, absolutely no one, will be surprised.

HistoriCat May 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Substitute "Javier" for "Jim" and think it's perfect.

flamingpdog May 15, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Substitute "Pat" for "Jim", and you will have hit the real-life jackpot in recent Colorado politics.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

How are the forces of Good ever going to triumph when they are arrayed against such Machiavellian cleverosity?

An_Outhouse May 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

"Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty"

I read that as 'Skull Fucker'.

Isn't that weird?

Lascauxcaveman May 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Your dyslexia reveals many hidden truths, no doubt.

memzilla May 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm

If teh gheys were such a threat to society, wouldn't we be seeing some proof of that by now>?

ManchuCandidate May 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I've been making Jazz hands after every comment I type on Wonkette.

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 1:01 pm

I can see civilization collapsing outside my window.

memzilla May 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

I was thinking, you know, roving gangs of gheys, insisting on their right to carry firearms everywhere, speaking their own dialect, putting non-Murrikan flags on their vehicles, taking over whole regions of the country, having their own special sports that no one else cares about…

… wait, what?

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Tastefully redecorating lampposts…

prommie May 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Umm, I have two words for you: Sodom and Gomorrah. What more evidence do you need?

Designer_Rants May 15, 2012 at 1:40 pm

I can tell, eponymously, that Sodom was where all the buttfucking occurred. But what happened in Gomorrah?

littlebigdaddy May 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm

They all got Gomorreah, obv.

Blueb4sunrise May 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm

The only threat I see is wingers spending too much time freaking out over the gaii instead of maybe doing something vaguely productive.

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 1:10 pm

9/11 and Katrina, duh.

proudgrampa May 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm

I don't understand Colorado politics.

rickmaci May 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Easy.

Denver/Boulder is like San Francisco/Berkeley.

The rest of the state is Oklahoma.

proudgrampa May 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

Sounds about right. Ft. Collins and CO Springs (used to do a lot of business there) were full of fundamentalist nutjobs.

littlebigdaddy May 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Well, Aspen is Malibu and Vail is Dallas, but otherwise, yup.

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 12:56 pm

It makes complete sense to have the the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs decide on same-sex not-quite-marriage, totally; he wasn't just sending it to whatever random committee had the most bigoted votes available.

Designer_Rants May 15, 2012 at 1:43 pm

When I heard on NPR a few days ago that the bill was expected to be sent to a "stacked committee", I had a whole different mental picture.

Chill-A-Sketch May 15, 2012 at 12:58 pm

Wasn't Frank McNulty part of Ted Haggard's congregation?

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Yes, and the illegality of gay marriage is the only thing what saved him.

James Michael Curley May 15, 2012 at 12:59 pm

This bill would be signed and in law if the Colorado Governor Hickenlooper had a normal American name like M. Night Shamalama-ding-dong.

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Turns out the bill was dead the whole time. What a twist!

James Michael Curley May 16, 2012 at 6:02 am

I have seen a few of his movies. Like John Grisham novels, you can start one and switch to another in the middle and hardly notice the change.

Designer_Rants May 15, 2012 at 1:45 pm

OMG, FTW, LOL in WC (Work Cube).

James Michael Curley May 15, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Somebody got a new smartphone!

Designer_Rants May 15, 2012 at 7:22 pm

No, I have a 3yr old flip phone that I ignore whenever possible. But I have to tell you I had to make an impromptu delivery road trip this afternoon and I was driving for a few hours when the name "M. Night Shamalama-ding-dong" popped into my head and I once again laughed out loud. You Wonketeers make me happy.

James Michael Curley May 16, 2012 at 5:56 am

As I said to Ms Curley recently, a few years ago we were buying new cell phones because they were smaller than the one we had. Now we are buying new cell phones because the viewing screen is larger than the one we have.

flamingpdog May 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

If he were a Republican, which he is in real life, his name would be Dickinpooper.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

The voters of Colorado meet in November and observers expect they will likely respond by killing his one-seat GOP House majority and ending his reign as Speaker

Sending him the pink slip over this issue will be delicious irony, indeed…

bikerlaureate May 15, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Why would they want him out? Don't leaders of courage and integrity always flee the legislative chamber when they don't get their way?

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson kissing that little girl?

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 1:14 pm

Why does the other allegedly geyh man have his hand up that little girl's pooper?

MissTaken May 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

I'm surprised he hasn't gone with the rock-solid argument that "civil unions has the word union in it so they are obviously liberal, socialist plots to take over the world and hurt job creators".

Ducksworthy May 21, 2012 at 11:57 am

And Colorado was one of the original Confederate States, duh!

johnnyzhivago May 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Just like Demo-rats to support civil unions and their fat cat union bosses!

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 1:15 pm

But if this law passed, wouldn't it really be discriminating against bigots? And isn't that anti-Christian? Please, people — before you're nice to someone just because they're also a human being — think of the bigots.

LesBontemps May 15, 2012 at 1:23 pm

It would have been nice to have a civil union alternative, because actual marriage is about the most uncivil union I've ever seen.

owhatever May 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm

We got Tebow out of town. Now for McNulty.

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 15, 2012 at 1:59 pm

What is wrong with you Sheeple! Can't you see if we let teh ghayez form unions, that soon they will take over all of our veteran's affairs offices, and soon no one will receive any benefits for defending out freedom unless they are fabulous? I'm sure if I had a chalk board, this would all be clear.

ttommyunger May 16, 2012 at 12:16 am

Seems to me McNulty has one too many "L's".

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