don't look at my butt, ladies! don't!

Mississippi Rep. Lester “Bubba” Carpenter is so happy with the “progress” that ensued when Governor Phil Bryant passed a law to ensure that Mississippi abortion providing doctors have admitting privileges at hospitals (shortly after signing the bill into law, Bryant announced that the Democrats’ “one mission in life is to abort children”). To Bubba, this is an example of a sneaky and effective way that states can get rid of legal abortion without having to overturn Roe v. Wade! NO ONE WILL EVEN NOTICE. And the ladies can still get abortions at home using hangers and things, it will be great. Speaking in Alcorn County last week, Carpenter told the supportive crowd, “[L]iterally, we stopped abortion in the state of Mississippi, legally, without having to– Roe vs. Wade. So we’ve done that. I was proud of it. The governor signed it into law. And of course, there you have the other side. They’re like, ‘Well, the poor pitiful women that can’t afford to go out of state are just going to start doing them at home with a coat hanger.’ That’s what we’ve heard over and over and over. But hey, you have to have moral values.” BUT HEY!

A staffer of Rachel Maddow’s went and found Carpenter to ask him to clarify these remarks further. He responded, regarding the coathanger bit:

That was what a lot of our critics on the House floor said during the debate. That was just some language that some of the African-Americans used.

BUT HEY, they can do whatever they want, are they even American citizens? Where is their birth certificates?

As Maddow’s blog notes, there is only one abortion clinic left in Mississippi, and its workers commute from Alabama for safety reasons. The owner of the clinic says if her doctors aren’t given admitting privileges by July 1, the date the law takes effect, she plans to sue to get the law blocked.

In the meantime, here is Carpenter revealing the secrets of legislative success to his rabid fans:

[Rachel Maddow]

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  • chascates

    The South is not going to rise any time soon.

    • Where America is succeeding in decreasing legal and illegal immigration by becoming more of a shithole than where the emigres (where the fuck is my accent character? fucking worthless Apple keyboard!!!1!) came from, I see the South has a similar strategy of returning to primordial ooze. At least between the ears. Eventually all the smart, rational and just plain non-psychotic people are going to flee and the South will have its secession without having to fire a shot.

      • BaldarTFlagass

        They've got a first class ticket on the Entropy Express!

      • iburl

        option-e, e

    • nounverb911

      Not without a ton of Viagra.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      At least, the women who bleed out on the way from the backroom abortionist to the ER won't.

    • Baconzgood

      As long as they get the free money from the north yet keep bitching about wellfare moms they will. You wanna make the south blue again? Get rid of federal assistance for states that payed less per dollar into the Federal government than recieved it, for the last 10, for the next 10. You'll see them stop bitching.

    • Callyson

      And sadly, it appears they are not going to accommodate sane Americans by going away anytime soon, either, too…

      …yeah, I know, I know, there are pockets of civilization and some decent people in the South. Fine, if they want to detach themselves from the crazies and not secede, we'll keep them. Otherwise, I wish to hell the rest of the South would GTFO already…

    • Not if this dim bulb has anything to do with it.

    • prommie

      Well, it could rise a bit in the way that a dead animal bloats up in the sun, but then they tend to burst and blow maggots and rotten flesh all over the place.

    • Negropolis

      It's too damned fat; it's a miracle that it's not bed-ridden.

  • hagajim

    What else do you expect from a douche named Bubba? For hell sakes, what more do these cretins have to do before all American wimmin wake up and realize that they are really shooting for a rollback to the 1950s? It's obvious the Wonketeers know this.

    • 1950s had lots of great stuff:
      -Massive infrastructure and R&D investment
      -High private sector union enrollment
      -91% top marginal tax rate to pay down war debt
      -The working class could support a household on a single income
      -A republican president who wasn't a total fucking moron/criminal

      Then there was some bad stuff too, like if you were black/female/non-white male.

    • HistoriCat

      You hit the 9 key instead of the 8 there.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Missippi, "The Coathanger State."

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I'm suprised the crazies haven't yet tried to outlaw wire coat hangers now that we have those nice, plastic, non-abortiony ones.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No wire hangars!!!

      • nounverb911

        Miss Crawford, you're back from the dead?

    • Redrighthand

      Don't give them ideas…

    • You get the wire ones for free inna stores.

      • bagofmice

        Dry cleaning gives you all the wire hangers you never wanted.

  • Doktor StrangeZoom

    Soon, women in Mississippi can return to the halcyon days of the 1960s, as recalled by Bridget Potter in her essay "Lucky Girl, which was included in The Best American Essays, 2011.

    Because, as we all know, if you make abortion illegal, no one has abortions, ever.

    • Great essay. I read it when you posted it a while back and shared it on FB where no one gives a fuck. But it opened my eyes, especially about birth control medication in the 60s. Why are so many of us this stupid.

    • Zoom, thanks for sharing that: it shut off my snark and reminded me, again, why I am such a shrill liberal. Oh, and fuck you, Bubba.

      • Doktor StrangeZoom

        Thank YOU, and please pass on the links whenever you need to remind somebody that we all need to be mad as hell about assholes who want to return us to 1962.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "That was just some language that some of the African-Americans used."

    That's because the African-Americans can only afford wire hangars, and not the traditional at-home abortion tool of the white folks, the Electrolux, and the Dyson for the upscale homes.

  • boobookitteh

    Making it inevitable that women have dangerous back alley abortions is just good old fashioned moral values, people!

    • The only good mother is a dead mother in Mississippi

    • bikerlaureate

      The party of personal responsibility won't put up with just anybody's moral values, particularly if they're defended by blahs.

  • Lester's nickname is "Bubba"…is his middle name "Moe" by any chance?

  • Redrighthand

    Blessed are the dumbfucks, for they shall never be disappointed.

  • SorosBot

    "But hey, you have to have moral values."

    Or in the case of woman-hating forced birthers like Bubba here, you can have immoral values.

  • totally. I never heard of these so-called "coathangers" until i started watching the NBA.

  • CapnFatback

    That was what a lot of our critics on the House floor said during the debate. That was just some language that some of the African-Americans used.

    Oh, I see where Carpenter misunderstood, being a "Bubba" and all. "Coathanger" is African-American slang for "obtuse, racist, sexist white male."

    Ex: "M-F coathanger, I want more iced tea."

  • spareme

    So…when is he gonna pass a law making it illegal to screw wimmenz? Except for the blahs that is, cuz God knows what a heathen will do, etc. That's another way around Roe v. Wade, he can brag about that at his hunting lodge – that is, if his buddies don't shoot him first.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    So, does this mean they are cutting funding for the Trent Lott Memorial Abortoplex?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    I totally believe Republicans when they tell me the war on 'Poor Pitiful Women' isn't real.

  • coolhandnuke

    The more time one spends in a closet, the more intimate one becomes with coat hangers.

    • Doktor StrangeZoom

      A favorite phrase: "He's so deep in the closet he can see Narnia"

  • ChernobylSoup

    Then he was given a civil rights award for using the term "African American."

    • mavenmaven

      He was thinking of the 'good old days' when he could own one from there.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Your move, North Carolina!

    • rickmaci

      North Carolina checks to Arizona.

  • SmutBoffin

    Some might object to lard-swilling, idiot rednecks having their classification as homo sapiens withdrawn, BUT HEY you have to have some taxonomic means to identify what is apparently a different species entirely.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Have you noticed the best legislation is almost always written by someone named "Bubba"

  • MissTaken

    That was just some language that some of the African-Americans used.

    And who is going to listen to them?? White girls don't get abortions, they get D&Cs to keep their uterus clean.

    • SorosBot

      Karen Santorum, is that you?

    • Do they use Crest or Colgate?

    • prommie

      Dan? That you, Dan?

    • I once hung out with a wild and wicked older woman who used to refer to them as "Dustin' 'N Cleanin'."

    • Dashboard Buddha

      "they get D&Cs to keep their uterus clean."

      I just an image of this dude.

  • Major Thom

    So when we won the Civil War, we let Mississippi back in the union because………….??

    • V572 Is this him?

      Faulkner. Someone knew he was coming and wanted him to be an American.

      That's the best explanation I got. Flannery O'Conner and Shelby Foote too.

    • valgal2342

      Because going down the Mississippi River was the quickest way to get to the party on Bourbon Street.

    • ChernobylSoup

      Arkansans needed a boost in self esteem.

    • Fairtackle

      You know, in retrospect, "won" seems like kind of a strong term.

      • IceCreamEmpress

        John Wilkes Booth was more successful than he knew, because Lincoln would have Reconstructed the shit out of the South, unlike boring boring Andrew Johnson's half-assedness.

  • CrunchyKnee

    And just like before, it's yesterday once more…dooby doo wah wah.

  • JustPixelz

    "That was just some language that some of the African-Americans used"

    The white guy must not understand ebonics, because the concept is pretty simple.

    Women will be forced to risk death, sterility and other consequences because a constitutionally protected medical procedure that is safe when performed by a doctor is no longer available in Mississippi.

    America has the best medical care in the world. Except when it doesn't.

    • SmutBoffin

      Needs moar "Where's my iced tea, m.f.-er?".

  • Barb

    Get government off our backs. (and into our uteruses)

    • CommieLibunatic

      So that's why Small Government is better; a big government can't personally crawl into your uterus with a flashlight and magnifying glass.

      • Barb

        The Government could land the Space Shuttle in Bristol Palin's uterus with great ease.

    • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

      You reminded me of a clip someone sent in Facebook.

    • bikerlaureate

      I am so glad the Republicans are keeping that Kenyan Mooslim from destroying religious liberty in the name of "personal" "LIEberty".

  • edgydrifter

    Since more babies being born in Mississippi includes more babies of color, I suppose this means Rep. Bubba doesn't hate black folk quite as much as he hates women. Progress!

  • Mittens Howell, III

    The Tali-bubba-ban is looking strong these days.

  • owhatever

    Try as they might, and they do, Arizona and South Carolina will never be Mississippi.

  • Baconzgood

    If I said it once I said it a thousand times. When we won the civil war the south should have lost the right to enact any sort of home rule or be able to write local, state, or federal, and PARTICIPATE in voting on said laws for 200 years. THAT IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE A CONQUERED NATION IN 1870! FUCK YOU SOUTH! FUCK YOU FOREVER.


  • Dumbfuckistan lives.

  • GeorgiaBurning

    Piling your clothes on the floor will soon be considered a sign of moral values, a win for both Jesus and lazy housekeeping.

  • ElPinche

    Walking talking abortions stopping abortions….vaguely reminds me Louis CK's cunt coming out of a cunt's cunt skit.
    Nonetheless, I crown ChernobylSoup commenter of the day for that doosy up there..

    • ChernobylSoup

      Thanks ElPinche.

  • If I was a Carpenter, and you was my lady….

    • BaldarTFlagass



      • I owed you that from yesterday. How prescient of me

  • MiniMencken

    Abraham Lincoln should have let the whole lot of them secede.

    • iburl

      So, you're pro-slavery?

      • V572 Is this him?

        The War of Northern Aggression was not about the Peculiar Institution of Slavery, suh! It was about states' rights.

        I've actually heard otherwise rational people make this argument.

    • rickmaci

      Arresting the insurrection political and military leaders, trying them for treason and lining them all against a wall and shooting the lot of them might have done the trick.

      • MiniMencken

        rickmaci, the Stalinist solution is my favored approach. In addition to the the political and military leaders, the large plantation owners, slave traders, newspaper editors and preachers who favored the peculiar institution should also have been liquidated as a class. The assasination of Lincoln was, after all, a continuation of the war. Then Reconstruction would have had a chance. But, if they had been allowed to leave, slavery would have collapsed on its own before the end of the 19th Century and six hundred thousand soldiers would not have had to die.

        • rickmaci

          "slavery would have collapsed on its own before the end of the 19th Century"

          In other words, what's another 50 years of death, degradation, disease and slavery to a bunch of niggras? Right. SMH.

  • philpjfry

    When they have cameras iin all our bedrooms, assuming they don't already, I wonder if I can be the guy who monitors them? What? You know it is coming.

    • Not in Miss, the fatest state in the Union. Better to rip your eyes out.

  • prommie

    Is Phil Bryant related to Bear? Please tell me they didn't elect the son of a football coach as governor.

    • V572 Is this him?

      Not that one, not in Mississippi.

      You have to wonder about a southern state so poor and backward they can't even induce "boosters" to buy their "university" a winning football team.

      • "Poor and backward" are not necessarily mockworthy attributes. Their *refusal* to move out of the 17th century — that's mockworthy.

        • V572 Is this him?

          True, true. But the poverty and backwardness stem from the refusal you mention. So that’s what I meant too.

    • Chichikovovich

      Well, they have no objections to electing football coaches as governor. They would even prefer it. But there is no way in hell they are going to elect the son of Bama's football coach.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      Hell, Virginia elected the son of a football coach as their Senator, so why the macacin' hell not Mississippi?

      • James Michael Curley

        And NJ once elected a basketball player as Senator.

        • prommie

          Yeah, but he had the backing of John McPhee and the New Yorker as a 'scholar athlete."

  • Dashboard Buddha

    We'll have to keep an eye on that clinic owner's case. If he/she loses, every red state, hell any state where there are a sufficient enough morons, will be all over this legal end around like seagulls on a french fry.

    • BaldarTFlagass

      "any state where there are a sufficient enough morons,"

      Isn't that be just about every state?

      • Dashboard Buddha

        I'm trying not to succumb to despair.—

  • there is only one abortion clinic left in Mississippi, and its workers commute from Alabama for safety reasons

    Definition of uncivilized: You are safer in Alabama.

    • There's a scary thought: Alabama is more tolerant than Mississippi

  • LettucePrey

    Yeah, that's exactly what the poorest state in the country needs: fewer abortions.

  • SayItWithWookies

    The Civil War is long over, but Mississippi still hopes to win in overtime.

    • prommie

      Dead-enders, like in Iraq.

      • iburl

        Or in Ron Paul's 2012 Presidential Election Bid.

    • Negropolis

      Oh, that is so much winning.

  • proudgrampa

    I'm sure some of Bubba's best friends are African-Americans…

  • boobookitteh

    So who wants to finance my Vera Drake tour of Mississippi?

  • freakishlywrong

    "There is no war on women, it's a Democrat party hoax".

  • BaldarTFlagass

    If I were a Carpenter
    And you were a lady,
    You wouldn't marry me anyway
    But I'd make you have my baby

  • littlebigdaddy

    You know, if you start a sentence with "Mississippi Rep Bubba Carpenter proud" there really is no limit to where it can go after that, although you can be pretty sure it won't be "to be awarded an honorary doctorate at Oxford University."

  • widestanceromance

    What is it with southern blubberwads and their stupid nicknames? They're just barely bright enough to hold down a name, much less several.

    Whatevs, it's just a damn shame we did not have nukes when we won the civil war.

    • Bubba's easier to spell than rêtard

      • widestanceromance

        Aww, no you diint. . .

  • chicken_thief

    WTF would Bubba Carpenter and his blue balls know about women?!

    • OneDollarJuana

      He's Southern. Probably does chickens and pigs, so he don't care that he can't get wimmen.

  • Trannysurprise

    "…there is only one abortion clinic left in Mississippi, and its workers commute from Alabama for safety reasons."

    You know that when you have to commute from Alabama to be safe, Missippi makes Yemen look like Canada.

  • V572 Is this him?

    How bad is it in Mississippi if you have to go to Alabama to be safe?

    A better person would delete this comment, since Trannysurprise beat me to it.

  • freakishlywrong

    I really, really hate these pig fuckers.

  • CommieLibunatic

    Oh, Democracy. Isn't it crazy, Mr. Jerusalem?

  • mavenmaven

    Now we know who "the poor pitiful women" refer to. And, after all, how can Black women even be allowed to have abortions without their massa's permission?

  • Sir_Fartz_Alot

    where are they going to put the abortionplex now?

  • meatlofer

    How times have changed. Ole'Miss is where Ronald Reagan got most of his fetuses!

  • DahBoner

    Lasr I heard, a mother had a bigger chance of dying during childbirth, than having an abortion.

    These Fetus Fetish Fuckwads don't give a shit about the mothers…

  • Chichikovovich

    [L]iterally, we stopped abortion in the state of Mississippi, legally, without having to– Roe vs. Wade. So we’ve done that.

    In other word's Mississippi's approach to Roe v. Wade is to find ways of acting as if it were overturned without it needing to be overturned. Sort of like what they do with the 13th Amendment.

    • HistoriCat

      It's not hate – it's heritage!

  • The first paragraph of this post needs some editing or additional explanation for clarity, 'cause it don't make no sense.

    • I kind of figured it needed to have the word "revoked" or, since we are talking about Mississippi, "tooken away," at the end of the sentence, after the parentheses.

  • MissTaken

    Can someone remind me why we let Mississippi, et al back into the Union? I forget.

  • OneDollarJuana

    I could bring up the point that countries that outaw abortion actually have higher abortion rates than those where it is legal, so by outlawing abortion on moral grounds he would be increasing immorality. But irony is lost on these kinds of people.

  • DaRooster

    "BUT HEY!"

    "Bubba, how many times do I have to tell you to not roll in the grass naked?"

  • gullywompr

    I have nothing funny to say, but just a serious question – what does it take for a doctor to be granted admitting privileges at a hospital? I'm trying to fully understand the effect of this bill…

    • superdave

      I think the main concern would be a hospital saying "We don't want to deal with this shizznit" and not granting priviledges.

      • gullywompr

        Yes, I was wondering if the only "local" hospital near the only remaining abortion clinic was run by a religious organization. However, my experience lately has been that medicine is now an industry, driven almost exclusively by business concerns. Being the only hospital in MS that provides a particular treatment seems like a good idea in terms of market competition. If the hospital board is not all wingnuts, they might go for it.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    shortly after signing the bill into law, Bryant announced that the Democrats’ “one mission in life is to abort children”

    Actually, my mission is to get the women preggers. I leave the abortions up to them.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    "I think, for one time, we were first in the nation in the state of Mississippi."

    Cracka please. You wet spots in America's carpet are number one in a SHITLOAD of things. Obesity, quality of science education, number of churches per capita, unwed parents… and fuck you for forgetting how all these firsts ARE BAD.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Number one in quality of science education?

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

        Bad quality. Sorry.

    • elfgoldsackring

      Son, turning around and waddling back over the start line does not make you 'first'. How many times I gotta 'splain that to ya?

  • Wile E. Quixote

    The only thing that these stupid bastards are going to understand is having some pissed off women implement some second-amendment solutions on their asses, it's gone that far.

  • NYNYNYjr

    I was confused by that first sentence at first– it Requires them to have admitting privileges at a local hospital- then hopefully that hospital says "No" b/c they're Mississippian.

    War on women! Hoo Hah!

  • Serolf_Divad

    there is only one abortion clinic left in Mississippi, and its workers commute from Alabama for safety reasons

    Christ, when fucking, Alabama is your haven of liberal values…. how fucked up is that!?

  • Eve8Apples

    According to, Mississippi leads the nation in percentage of citizens living below the poverty level. It has the lowest median family income of the fifty United States. It's students have the lowest math and science scores of the fifty states. It is 49th out of the fifty states in reading. It has the highest obesity rate in the United States. It has the highest high school drop out rate in the United States.

    Given the state's numerous serious problems, it's good to know that Lester "Bubba" Carpenter is devoting so much energy to trying to stop abortion. What I can't figure out is why anyone would want to have sex with a stupid, poor, fat slob from Mississippi.

  • io9k9s

    Is it just me, or does the lady dancing around next to him seem just a little nervous about what terrible bile may jump out of Mr. Reps' mouth – like standing next to a Jack in the Box made out of old glenn beck parts…

  • ttommyunger

    That ugly cunt hovering next to him was so jonesed she couldn't stand still. I can only imagine what the audience looked like.

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