at least it's a freaking ethos

Greek Neo-Nazis Win 21 Seats, Charm Nation With Reminder It Is ‘Time To Fear’

I keel you.While America’s been focusing this week on incredibly important issues like Rush Limbaugh’s induction into the Missouri Hall of Flame, Obama’s no-shi moment, how Obama’s gayness will be the end of him and how undercover bathhouse boy will save us from the gayz, and how gas prices are all Obama’s fault but not really but yes they are… we’ve been bizzy too, over here in Yore-up.

Greek political parties failed to agree (for the fourth time) on a coalition government and announced they’re heading for yet another general election. Even this weekend’s coalition talks were close to impossible, because Alexis Tsipras (who is freaking handsome and should just win, OK?), the leader of the the Radical Left Coalition, Syriza, refused to sit at the same table with the neo-Nazi “Golden Dawn” party.

Golden Dawn’s campaign platform included deporting all non-Greek people (even legal immigrants), placing land mines all along the Greek border to keep the scofflaws out and if people didn’t obey, there would be another Attack of the Giant Moussaka.

Based on these awesome promises, more than 50% of the Greek police force (and other unstable people) helped Golden Dawn win 21 seats in the Greek parliament. The Dawnies celebrated their win with fiery heils and a press conference, where party thugs ordered journalists to stand upon entry of dear leader, Nikolaos Michaloliakos. Journalists who refused were tossed from the room. Then Nikolaos Michaloliakos proceeded to shout at the “Junta of TV and yellow press” for not covering his glorious party, touted his party’s black (of course) T-shirts, quoted Julius Caesar’s I came, I saw, I conquered (he’s been wanting to say this all his life) and finished it all off with a dollop of, “The new golden dawn of Hellenism is rising. For those who betray this homeland, the time has come to fear.” How did Ari Fleischer get elected to Greek parliament? We don’t even know.

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Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

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  1. DrunkIrishman

    I'm really tired of Greece. They need to get their shit together or dissolve as a country. Sell 'em off to Italy or something. Hell, they're hairy enough.

    1. b[redact]opple

      Oh, blow it out your ass. I'm Greek and you're probably much hairier than I am.

    2. fuflans

      i don't know, they've been thru a lot and the germans aren't helping.

      not that they ever do, really.

      1. mayor_quimby

        You really don't want the Germans' help, they tend to get a bit loose with the borders.

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      Those Greeks have it soft. Their official retirement age is 55. That way they get to spend ten more years protesting austerity measures than we Americans.

      1. Jukesgrrl

        Who do you think is going to sit in sidewalk cafes all day playing with their worry beads for the tourists (the six remaining), if not the men of Greece? They have practiced for this role their entire lives by taking three hour lunches, so they are more than qualified for their new job by age 55. If the politicians want to improve the economy, all they need to do is raise the price of coffee. How does one write Starbucks in Greek?

    4. sewollef

      "They need to get their shit together or dissolve as a country. "

      I'm sure that Greece has gone through similar problems in its nearly 5,000 year history as a people and a country. However, I can't imagine the Minoans from Crete telling the Mycenaean Greeks to get their shit together around 2,500 BC.

      Doesn't sound right to me.

          1. not that Radio

            I'm closer to the Golden Dawn
            Immersed in Crowley's uniform
            Of imagery
            I'm living in a silent film
            Portraying Himmler's sacred realm
            Of dream reality …

    5. Wile E. Quixote

      Let the Turks have them. They could enter from the rear, which the Greeks, and Republicans, are really into.

    6. Negropolis

      You do realize that while their culture helped in its downfall, that this was almost entirely the result of Wall Street, right? If you're going to blame the Greeks for anything, it should be that they gambled on Wall Street.

      You listen to our bought-and-paid-for media, and you'd think the Greeks get six months paid vacation, three months paid sick time, and two months maternity leave.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      289 in Congress and all the rest are Communists, according to Allen "Just Ask Me" West. We start wars and then give up, too. I think we're turning French!!

  2. MissTaken

    Do Greek skinheads have to shave their heads every 2 hours? That's a commitment.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      I knew a Greek girl who had a unibrow to beat the band. Was never sure if I should mention that that isn't really considered a turn on in the US, but then I never liked her that much.

    1. sewollef

      Not quite. I believe 21 seats translates to 7% of the Hellenistic parliament.

      Whereas the German NSDAP received 37% in the federal election of 1932, thus ensuring Hitler becoming Chancellor in January 1933.

      However, it was close. The largest anti-nazi parties, the Socialists of the SPD received 21.6% and the Communists of the KPD, 14.3%.

      Most of 'em ended up dead in concentration camps though… so I suppose it doesn't matter.

  3. actor212

    My understanding is that the Greeks have asked the London Olympic committee for permission to change the words of the Greek national anthem to "P-E-N-I-S Goes In The Anus to Rupture Intestines."

  4. GeneralLerong

    I had a swell joke about where the best donuts are fried, but then I remembered I'm not ten years old anymore. Shit.

  5. Reginald_Perrin

    You have to admit their campaign motto, bend over and take one for the fatherland, is quite appropriate.

  6. randcoolcatdaddy

    Slightly off-topic. When I heard this story on the BBC, I wasn't paying close attention and, when they mentioned "Golden Dawn", I thought they were talking about this.

  7. coolhandnuke

    Elect Arianna Huffington and she'll solve the crises by selling the country to AOL…and not paying the writers dick.

  8. Fare la Volpe

    That fat guy's right: It's so unfair that the Jew-run press has such a bad opinion of Nazis.

    1. actor212

      The word "democracy" is from the Greek.

      Demos for "the people" and Kratia for "ur doin' it rong, let teh perfesshunals show u haow"

  9. OneYieldRegular

    Those guys should think before they speak, since they run a risk of making Germany unhappy about Greece being in the European Union.

  10. BaldarTFlagass

    Note to guy who designed the flag behind the speaker guy. Swastika: you're doing it wrong.

  11. owhatever

    The Golden Dawn could easily catch hold in the rest of America, just as it has done in Colorado.

  12. Baconzgood

    Fucking foreigners. Write American on your flag or get the fuck out. Build the Wall!

  13. Lucidamente1

    I think the Golden Dawn party needs a golden shower and a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.

  14. valthemus

    Golden Dawn is just using the "Mouse That Roared" strategy. They'll pretend to be fascists, goad the US into waging war on them, lose, and then get us to pay their bills. All the people in that video are really Peter Sellers.

  15. MissTaken

    I have no doubt that Newt and Callista's vacation to the Greek Isles during the campaign caused this whole mess. Poor Greece.

      1. MissTaken

        I'd go Nazi, too. Well, not full-Nazi. Just the fun part.

        Note: I assume there has to be a fun part to being a Nazi. No idea what it could possibly be, but there has to be something, right?!

  16. vulpes82

    I'm deeply, deeply ashamed, but the fascist thug bodyguard in the first picture could TOTALLY get it.

    1. mayor_quimby

      I'm not gay, but my first thought was "that's the gayest nazi bear I have ever seen!"

  17. GorzoTheMighty

    Alexandros Panagoulis, Your country turns it's lonely eyes to you.

  18. fuflans

    The new golden dawn of Hellenism is rising. For those who betray this homeland, the time has come to fear.

    i would think the golden dawn of hellenism would pick someone other than julius caesar to quote.

  19. qwerty42

    …Greece, 1940. In the port city of Salonika, with its wharves and brothels, dark alleys and Turkish mansions, a tense political drama is being played out….
    So, there is this. Anyway, I just don't see Greek Nazis being as snappy as Illinois Nazis. Or maybe these are guys in a fraternity? Hmmmm.

  20. Both Sides Do It

    So is that curvy swastika the symbol that they use to tile their racist steam baths with?

    And I must say I'm unsettled by all this but the fact that the leader of Greece's electorally-significant Neo-Nazi party looks a lot like Jeffery Toobin makes it go down a lot easier

  21. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    All right, I call Wonketteer Party Foul: A post on Greece, and yet there are not 10 butt sex jokes in the first fifty posts. What is wrong with you people!!!

    1. Dashboard Buddha

      How does the Golden Dawn party separate the men from the boys?

      …with a crowbar.

  22. fuflans

    also, i'd take greek fascists over baggers any fucking day.

    at least they'd make the trains run on time. baggers won't let us HAVE any trains.

  23. bikerlaureate

    Throwing out the "disrespectful" press is no way to win the support of the people, unless they're as craven as the American press, in which case these xenophobes are possibly accidentially doing it right.

  24. CommieLibunatic

    You would think that people would remember how bad the Nazis were, what with audio, video, and a television channel all but dedicated to World War II.

  25. Chet Kincaid

    Hi Lisa! I expected you to mention that the fiery hand of God reached down to smite the aircrcraft of your new President:

    I found Reuter's lede odd:

    PARIS, May 15 (Reuters) – A presidential jet carrying newly inaugurated French President Francois Hollande was hit by lightning en route to Berlin and forced to turn back to Paris, but the Socialist was unharmed and took off again in another plane, a presidential source said.

    "The Socialist was unharmed"? Really? It's almost like, if he was gay, they would have written "the Homosexual was unharmed," apropos of nothing.

    1. MissTaken

      If something similar happened to AF1 the line would be 'but the Kenyan usurper with no birth certificate who likes gay marriage so much he should gay marry it was unharmed'

    2. lisawines

      Hey Chet – I just saw that after I finished writing this. Was the lightning an omen? Everyone's a-trembin' on his Meeting With Merkel. Some who used to call the Merkel/Sarkozy relationship Merkozy now call the Merkel Hollande relationship Merde. But in term sof name calling, in the US they'd call Hollande on his unmarried living in sin-ness, while the French could give a shit.… If you can read the French, 79% of the French people don't think his marital status is an issue. Only 13% are 'shocked' by it.

      1. Chet Kincaid

        "Merde", snicker! Yes, a Shacked-Up Socialist would make Real Americans headsplode almost as fast as a Gay Kenyan Nazi Socialist Usurper.

        1. lisawines

          Hey Chet – just saw this on the Guardian about Hollande's lightening strike and thought you'd enjoy it "Merkel quipped that the lightning strike was a "good omen" for their co-operation. Hollande might have rejoined by saying "coup de foudre" (to be struck by lightning) also means love at first sight." heheh

  26. elburritodeluxe

    His party came in 6th place and he's claiming victory: who is this guy, Ron Paul?

    1. lisawines

      I'm not a legal expert but won't it cost him more in legal fees than he can ever get from a hotel maid if he wins the case? Nuts.

  27. ElPinche

    To be a Greek neo-nazi, do you have to look like the hairy biker guy from the Village People ?

    1. MosesInvests

      Oh, c'mon, at least get a real Greek. Melina Mercouri, maybe, or Marina Syrtis (drool).

  28. Chet Kincaid

    Uh, Greeks: I don't think the Real Nazis saw any purpose for the existence on earth of any of the "white" people who live on the Mediterranean. As for their Italian "allies", ask Stalin about that — a "Nazi Ally" is just another front waiting to open. What I'm trying to say is, u r doing "Aryan" completely wrong.

  29. DahBoner

    These greeks have a long history of mentoring young boys–by fucking them in the ass.

    What's changed here???

  30. atddoug

    The Greeks love tea and hate foreigners. Sounds like a franchise of the Republican Tea Party. Maybe they're trying to go global, like OWS but without the brains.

    1. Negropolis

      Sounds like the British, to me.

      Okay, that was mean, but they have more slurs for foreigners than just about any country. lol

  31. rickmaci

    I find the idea of Greek Nazi's to be a strange mix of pathetic, comical and frightening.

  32. dadanarchist

    The Greeks even fucked up their Nazis – this guy looks like Barney Frank.

    The dude on the left looks pretty convincing but also looks to be pre-verbal.

  33. criminogenic

    never been a fan of Golden showers, in the morning or whenever but what people do in the privacy of their own home is their business. I will defend their right to piss on each other.. any time of the day!

  34. ttommyunger

    So, the suit on the right of the pix is showing his followers where the penis goes, right?

  35. Negropolis

    Somebody give Sacha Baron Cohen a fuckin' Oscar, already. That was brilliant! lol

    Seriously, though, I had no idea that Greek sound like the quaking of a duck. I mean, even more than Canadian French.

  36. Preacher_Griz

    greek neonazis are NOT fascists. neonzis learned lessons from nazis and are REFORMED. That is why they are NEO.. duh. And they are Conservative Christians with PROVEN governing talent. They can be trusted to impose AND enforce austerity!

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