I keel you.While America’s been focusing this week on incredibly important issues like Rush Limbaugh’s induction into the Missouri Hall of Flame, Obama’s no-shi moment, how Obama’s gayness will be the end of him and how undercover bathhouse boy will save us from the gayz, and how gas prices are all Obama’s fault but not really but yes they are… we’ve been bizzy too, over here in Yore-up.

Greek political parties failed to agree (for the fourth time) on a coalition government and announced they’re heading for yet another general election. Even this weekend’s coalition talks were close to impossible, because Alexis Tsipras (who is freaking handsome and should just win, OK?), the leader of the the Radical Left Coalition, Syriza, refused to sit at the same table with the neo-Nazi “Golden Dawn” party.

Golden Dawn’s campaign platform included deporting all non-Greek people (even legal immigrants), placing land mines all along the Greek border to keep the scofflaws out and if people didn’t obey, there would be another Attack of the Giant Moussaka.

Based on these awesome promises, more than 50% of the Greek police force (and other unstable people) helped Golden Dawn win 21 seats in the Greek parliament. The Dawnies celebrated their win with fiery heils and a press conference, where party thugs ordered journalists to stand upon entry of dear leader, Nikolaos Michaloliakos. Journalists who refused were tossed from the room. Then Nikolaos Michaloliakos proceeded to shout at the “Junta of TV and yellow press” for not covering his glorious party, touted his party’s black (of course) T-shirts, quoted Julius Caesar’s I came, I saw, I conquered (he’s been wanting to say this all his life) and finished it all off with a dollop of, “The new golden dawn of Hellenism is rising. For those who betray this homeland, the time has come to fear.” How did Ari Fleischer get elected to Greek parliament? We don’t even know.

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  • DrunkIrishman

    I'm really tired of Greece. They need to get their shit together or dissolve as a country. Sell 'em off to Italy or something. Hell, they're hairy enough.

  • I'm confused: do Greek neo-Nazis take showers with the Jews?

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Needs more Nic Cage occupation of Cephalonia.

  • Bid deal. We have 289 of those in Congress…

    • jakegittes

      And countless millions in Arizona, 'bama, Missippi, Idaho, Wyoming, etc., etc.

    • 289 in Congress and all the rest are Communists, according to Allen "Just Ask Me" West. We start wars and then give up, too. I think we're turning French!!

  • Attack of the Giant Moussaka

    That's nothing! I know a blancmange that means to win Wimbledon!!

  • OkieDokieDog

    Merkel must be so proud. I bet she did a happy dance.

    • The Goosestep Two-Step.

      It's like a line dance, only more rednecky.

  • MissTaken

    Do Greek skinheads have to shave their heads every 2 hours? That's a commitment.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      I knew a Greek girl who had a unibrow to beat the band. Was never sure if I should mention that that isn't really considered a turn on in the US, but then I never liked her that much.

      • Jus_Wonderin

        I think, in Greece, that unibrow is called a face handle.

        • MissTaken

          In Nazi Greece unibrow face-handles you!

          • Baconzgood

            I'll take Yakov Smirnoff for the win John.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      They're so hairy that have to shave while they're shaving.

  • Serolf_Divad

    Yaaay, austerity! It's 1933 all over again.

    • sewollef

      Not quite. I believe 21 seats translates to 7% of the Hellenistic parliament.

      Whereas the German NSDAP received 37% in the federal election of 1932, thus ensuring Hitler becoming Chancellor in January 1933.

      However, it was close. The largest anti-nazi parties, the Socialists of the SPD received 21.6% and the Communists of the KPD, 14.3%.

      Most of 'em ended up dead in concentration camps though… so I suppose it doesn't matter.

      • Generation[redacted]

        austerity macht frei

  • My understanding is that the Greeks have asked the London Olympic committee for permission to change the words of the Greek national anthem to "P-E-N-I-S Goes In The Anus to Rupture Intestines."

  • SayItWithWookies

    Judging by their flag, it's more of a time to fret.

    • ShamusHolmes

      And Syriza is trying to frieze them out.

  • BaldarTFlagass


    • Lionel[redacted]Esq

      It's all Greek to me.

    • Baconzgood


      I tink my googlez translate haz teh brokenz

      • BaldarTFlagass

        No, that's exactly what I wrote.

  • FraAnima

    Needz moar Triumph of the Spirit.

  • GeneralLerong

    I had a swell joke about where the best donuts are fried, but then I remembered I'm not ten years old anymore. Shit.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Aretha Franklinopolous wants her ρ-ε-σ-π-ε-c-τ

    • "Peonect"?

      • Chick-Fil-Atheist™


      • Urethra Franklin wants her penis. That's what I got outta that.

  • Reginald_Perrin

    You have to admit their campaign motto, bend over and take one for the fatherland, is quite appropriate.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    I wonder if Golden Dawn has their own ΣΣ to help keep order.

    • HistoriCat

      You who else … oh – fuck it.

    • That comment is fantastic.

    • bagofmice

      Sigma sigma delta is kind of a zero.

    • not that Radio

      Lean Two Sigma!

  • randcoolcatdaddy

    Slightly off-topic. When I heard this story on the BBC, I wasn't paying close attention and, when they mentioned "Golden Dawn", I thought they were talking about this.

  • coolhandnuke

    Elect Arianna Huffington and she'll solve the crises by selling the country to AOL…and not paying the writers dick.

  • Fare la Volpe

    That fat guy's right: It's so unfair that the Jew-run press has such a bad opinion of Nazis.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "My Big Fat Greek Election" really kinda sucked.

    —Roger Ebert

    • Negropolis

      I give it two, big hairy thumbs down.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Perhaps we have to invade Greece and make them ready for democracy?

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Nah…not swarthy enough.

    • The word "democracy" is from the Greek.

      Demos for "the people" and Kratia for "ur doin' it rong, let teh perfesshunals show u haow"

    • fuflans



    • HistoriCat

      Angela Merkel – is that you?

    • You can't put tourism in a gas tank.

  • OneYieldRegular

    Those guys should think before they speak, since they run a risk of making Germany unhappy about Greece being in the European Union.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Note to guy who designed the flag behind the speaker guy. Swastika: you're doing it wrong.

  • HUGE victory for Paultards.

  • owhatever

    The Golden Dawn could easily catch hold in the rest of America, just as it has done in Colorado.

    • Lascauxcaveman


      (oops, that was 'Red Dawn,' wasn't it?)

  • Fox n Fiends

    Golden Dawn….Morning in America….I get it now.

  • mavenmaven

    How does one go Godwin on this story?

    • ChernobylSoup

      You're worse than Hitler for asking that question.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Truly, there is no master race wiggle room here.

  • SorosBot

    Aristotle would be proud.

    • Negropolis

      Plato libel!

  • WhatTheHeck

    Just when you need a reliable Trojan, everything explodes out of control.

  • Baconzgood

    So they have a tea party over in Greece too? Whoda thunkit.

  • Chick-Fil-Atheist™

    Fuck you and your broke-ass Parthenon. Nashville's is way nicer… and it's air conditioned.

  • Baconzgood

    Fucking foreigners. Write American on your flag or get the fuck out. Build the Wall!

  • Lucidamente1

    I think the Golden Dawn party needs a golden shower and a nice big cup of shut the fuck up.

    • Shellwith2Ls

      I think a golden shower is part of the initiation process.

    • And they need to stop dressing like Mr. Clean.

  • Golden Dawn is just using the "Mouse That Roared" strategy. They'll pretend to be fascists, goad the US into waging war on them, lose, and then get us to pay their bills. All the people in that video are really Peter Sellers.

  • MissTaken

    I have no doubt that Newt and Callista's vacation to the Greek Isles during the campaign caused this whole mess. Poor Greece.

    • SorosBot

      Oh god, you know Newt tried to hit on all the young Greek ladies.

      • MissTaken

        I'd go Nazi, too. Well, not full-Nazi. Just the fun part.

        Note: I assume there has to be a fun part to being a Nazi. No idea what it could possibly be, but there has to be something, right?!

        • SorosBot

          The snazzy uniforms?

        • You know who to ask…

        • bagofmice

          Does this involve subjugating Limeys?

  • vulpes82

    I'm deeply, deeply ashamed, but the fascist thug bodyguard in the first picture could TOTALLY get it.

    • His arm on the left side of the video distracted me. Often.

    • mayor_quimby

      I'm not gay, but my first thought was "that's the gayest nazi bear I have ever seen!"

  • littlebigdaddy

    Let's send Dukakis over there to kick some ass!

  • GorzoTheMighty

    Alexandros Panagoulis, Your country turns it's lonely eyes to you.

  • RedneckMuslin

    Those Greeks. Such kidders.

  • CrunchyKnee

    Didn't the golden dawn party originate in Mississippi?

    • Golden Dawn: You're soaking in it.™

  • Exhausted66

    What has Golden Dawn even done since Overboard?

  • Because it is a new word to me, I cannot wait to use "scofflaws" in a sentence~

  • Not too long ago, they showed this documentary about a guy named Hercules that was the Superhero of Greece. He righted wrongs. It even had a theme song by that guy that sang, "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone", Johnny Nash.
    I believe that Hercules will beat up these bad people.

    • SorosBot

      Where's Kevin Sorbo?

      • HistoriCat

        Forget that – where's Lucy Lawless?

        • SorosBot

          She's back in Rome these days, but with nudity, cursing and gore.

  • fuflans

    The new golden dawn of Hellenism is rising. For those who betray this homeland, the time has come to fear.

    i would think the golden dawn of hellenism would pick someone other than julius caesar to quote.

  • qwerty42

    …Greece, 1940. In the port city of Salonika, with its wharves and brothels, dark alleys and Turkish mansions, a tense political drama is being played out….
    So, there is this. Anyway, I just don't see Greek Nazis being as snappy as Illinois Nazis. Or maybe these are guys in a fraternity? Hmmmm.

  • So is that curvy swastika the symbol that they use to tile their racist steam baths with?

    And I must say I'm unsettled by all this but the fact that the leader of Greece's electorally-significant Neo-Nazi party looks a lot like Jeffery Toobin makes it go down a lot easier

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    All right, I call Wonketteer Party Foul: A post on Greece, and yet there are not 10 butt sex jokes in the first fifty posts. What is wrong with you people!!!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      How does the Golden Dawn party separate the men from the boys?

      …with a crowbar.

      • Lionel[redacted]Esq

        Now that is more like it!

        • Dashboard Buddha

          I am here but to serve.

    • mayor_quimby

      How will Greece leave the EU?
      Same way they got in, back door.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    No true Greek would speak Latin.

  • fuflans

    also, i'd take greek fascists over baggers any fucking day.

    at least they'd make the trains run on time. baggers won't let us HAVE any trains.

    • that is EXACTLY right….they have not only great talent to impose but also to ENFORCE

  • Trannysurprise

    I didn't know Goldie Hawn was even into politics.

    Wait. What? NEVERMIND.

  • bikerlaureate

    Throwing out the "disrespectful" press is no way to win the support of the people, unless they're as craven as the American press, in which case these xenophobes are possibly accidentially doing it right.

  • BornInATrailer

    Haha. And Turkey was the controversial EU member.

  • iburl

    Golden Dawn? You're soaking in it.

  • CommieLibunatic

    You would think that people would remember how bad the Nazis were, what with audio, video, and a television channel all but dedicated to World War II.

  • Franknflower

    More beefy Greek bicep, please.

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Say what you will about Greek fascism…at least it's an ethos.

  • Hi Lisa! I expected you to mention that the fiery hand of God reached down to smite the aircrcraft of your new President:

    I found Reuter's lede odd:

    PARIS, May 15 (Reuters) – A presidential jet carrying newly inaugurated French President Francois Hollande was hit by lightning en route to Berlin and forced to turn back to Paris, but the Socialist was unharmed and took off again in another plane, a presidential source said.

    "The Socialist was unharmed"? Really? It's almost like, if he was gay, they would have written "the Homosexual was unharmed," apropos of nothing.

    • MissTaken

      If something similar happened to AF1 the line would be 'but the Kenyan usurper with no birth certificate who likes gay marriage so much he should gay marry it was unharmed'

      • How you doin? (Looks furtively around for Sorosbot…)

    • Hey Chet – I just saw that after I finished writing this. Was the lightning an omen? Everyone's a-trembin' on his Meeting With Merkel. Some who used to call the Merkel/Sarkozy relationship Merkozy now call the Merkel Hollande relationship Merde. But in term sof name calling, in the US they'd call Hollande on his unmarried living in sin-ness, while the French could give a shit.… If you can read the French, 79% of the French people don't think his marital status is an issue. Only 13% are 'shocked' by it.

      • "Merde", snicker! Yes, a Shacked-Up Socialist would make Real Americans headsplode almost as fast as a Gay Kenyan Nazi Socialist Usurper.

        • Hey Chet – just saw this on the Guardian about Hollande's lightening strike and thought you'd enjoy it "Merkel quipped that the lightning strike was a "good omen" for their co-operation. Hollande might have rejoined by saying "coup de foudre" (to be struck by lightning) also means love at first sight." heheh

    • George Spelvin

      Perhaps "The Socialist" is his superhero name.

  • elburritodeluxe

    His party came in 6th place and he's claiming victory: who is this guy, Ron Paul?

  • And in other news of European Socialist Enlightenment, DSKNY is suing the maid for giving him a boner:

    Worst Law & Order: SVU Ever!!

    • HistoriCat

      Now that's chootspah.

    • Just like Eve in the Garden of Eden, it's always the woman who leads a man to sin.

      • Is he now going to individually sue all the prostitutes in the ring?

        • Hahaha! Probably. He's made of money.

        • Oh and don't forget, he refers to them as luggage… or something.

    • I'm not a legal expert but won't it cost him more in legal fees than he can ever get from a hotel maid if he wins the case? Nuts.

  • ElPinche

    To be a Greek neo-nazi, do you have to look like the hairy biker guy from the Village People ?

  • haha

  • Biff

    If Greek was forced upon me, I choose Gabrielle.

    • MosesInvests

      Oh, c'mon, at least get a real Greek. Melina Mercouri, maybe, or Marina Syrtis (drool).

  • Greek Nazis, I hate these guys.

  • lulzmonger
  • Uh, Greeks: I don't think the Real Nazis saw any purpose for the existence on earth of any of the "white" people who live on the Mediterranean. As for their Italian "allies", ask Stalin about that — a "Nazi Ally" is just another front waiting to open. What I'm trying to say is, u r doing "Aryan" completely wrong.

  • DahBoner

    These greeks have a long history of mentoring young boys–by fucking them in the ass.

    What's changed here???

  • Biff

    OT, but Ross "Neckbeard" Douchehat is on MSNBC.
    Oh for fuck's sake.

  • atddoug

    The Greeks love tea and hate foreigners. Sounds like a franchise of the Republican Tea Party. Maybe they're trying to go global, like OWS but without the brains.

    • Negropolis

      Sounds like the British, to me.

      Okay, that was mean, but they have more slurs for foreigners than just about any country. lol

  • rickmaci

    I find the idea of Greek Nazi's to be a strange mix of pathetic, comical and frightening.

  • lonewolfbear

    Sexy thug! … Lose the tiresome party leader.

  • Guppy

    Ron Paul apparently pulled out of the GOP primary to run for office in Greece.

  • dadanarchist

    The Greeks even fucked up their Nazis – this guy looks like Barney Frank.

    The dude on the left looks pretty convincing but also looks to be pre-verbal.

  • criminogenic

    never been a fan of Golden showers, in the morning or whenever but what people do in the privacy of their own home is their business. I will defend their right to piss on each other.. any time of the day!

  • ttommyunger

    So, the suit on the right of the pix is showing his followers where the penis goes, right?

  • BathroomGoblin

    The muscle on the left is late for his Raging Stallion shoot.

  • Negropolis

    Somebody give Sacha Baron Cohen a fuckin' Oscar, already. That was brilliant! lol

    Seriously, though, I had no idea that Greek sound like the quaking of a duck. I mean, even more than Canadian French.

  • Negropolis

    Wait, there are still Jews in Greece?

    Greek Democracy: You're Doin' It Wrong.

  • greek neonazis are NOT fascists. neonzis learned lessons from nazis and are REFORMED. That is why they are NEO.. duh. And they are Conservative Christians with PROVEN governing talent. They can be trusted to impose AND enforce austerity!

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