SWEET VIRGINIA  10:29 am May 15, 2012

Virginia Kills Judge’s Nomination Because He Acts Like He Is Married … To A Man!

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

hot gay navy judge dudeDid the commonwealth of Virginia kill the judicial nomination of Tracy Thorne-Begland because he was gay? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, it is just because as a gay naval officer he was outspoken against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell! And also because he acts like he is married … to a man!

“He holds himself out as being married,” said Del. Robert G. Marshall (R-Prince William), who is running for U.S. Senate. Noting that gay marriage is not legal in Virginia, he said that Thorne-Begland’s “life is a contradiction to the requirement of submission to the constitution.”

Robert G. Marshall rests his case!

Or does he?

“I would guess — law of averages — we’ve probably nominated people who have homosexual inclinations,” Marshall said. Marshall faulted Thorne-Begland for coming out as a gay Naval officer on “Nightline” two decades ago to challenge the military’s now-repealed ban on gays openly serving in the military. He said that amounted not just to insubordination, but to a waste of taxpayer dollars, since it resulted in his dismissal from the Navy.

Whew, we are glad Robert G. Marshall cleared that up for us! It is not Thorne-Begland’s homosexy inclinations that prevented him from even getting anything close to 51 votes in the House, or being given any vote at all in the Senate, it is because he was an early opponent of a thing that is now not the law! Also, he has adopted children! But it is not like he was singled out, right?

Thorne-Begland was the only one of more than three dozen judicial nominees — including 10 others from the Richmond region — who was not elected to a judgeship following a marathon legislative session dominated by review of amendments to the two-year state budget proposed by Gov. Bob McDonnell.

Yeah. Him.But we were wondering more about Robert G. Marshall because of Your Editrix’s worry that he might be related (she comes from the Virginia John Marshalls what invented Judicial Review, which doesn’t exist NOBAMA!!!) and found two terribly interesting items: A) Robert G. Marshall is against abortion (duh) along with ANY KIND OF BIRTH CONTROL. And B) After Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was repealed, the good delegate sponsored a bill to prevent gay servicemen and ladies in the Virginia National Guard, because “he [was] worried about service members catching sexually transmitted diseases from gay troops.” Also? “It’s a distraction when I’m on the battlefield and have to concentrate on the enemy 600 yards away and I’m worried about this guy who’s got eyes on me.” It’s true. None of the gays can keep their eyes from raping Ol’ Sweet-Bottom Bob! Have fun with your next US Senator, Virginia! YEEHAW! [WaPo/TimesDispatch]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 113 comments }

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

I don't know how much shit I could take about being gay-married from some clown that hails from a place named "Prince William."

Barb May 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

The only thing more obnoxious than a person who thinks that every chick digs him is a jerk who thinks that the men want him too. Gays and heterosexuals agree, we don't want you, Mr Marshall.

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

And have you ever noticed that the more those kind of guys believe that they are irresistible, the less appealing (physically and mentally) they actually are?

glamourdammerung May 15, 2012 at 5:01 pm

And have you ever noticed that the more those kind of guys believe that they are irresistible, the less appealing (physically and mentally) they actually are?

Oh, you mean "Rush Limbaugh Syndrome".

Callyson May 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Ding ding ding!

ChernobylSoup May 15, 2012 at 10:33 am

Haters gotta hate.

Texan_Bulldog May 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

VA is for lovers–just not gay lovers.

And Robert G. Marshall kind of has that NAMBLA look.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

VA is for hate lovers.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

He has never denied that he is a serial horse-molester.

Chill-A-Sketch May 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

You mean the National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes?

tcaalaw May 15, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Marshall would say that's why children aren't allowed to be Virginia state delegates — their wanton sexuality would distract the adult delegates from doing their jobs.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

"I’m worried about this guy who’s got eyes on me."

Don't be. No self-respecting gay man would want to fuck you.

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

Not even the lowest self-esteem would touch that.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

Y'know, I've often wondered where the term "penis face" came from…

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

Irreparably turtled-penis face in this case.

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

Mitch mcConnel?

Barb May 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

Rebecca comes from the Virginia John Marshalls what invented Judicial Review. La-dee-da! A relative of mine was on Cops, in a wife-beater shirt and all.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

It's a banner week in in the skullf*ckingdog family. My brother was just released on his own recognizance. We are all so proud!

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

I'd venture to say that the vast majority of my childhood friends and family have been reviewed by the judicial system.

Dashboard Buddha May 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

Ooooh…I think I saw that show. It took place in a trailer park in Alabama Mississippi Georgia somewhere in the south, right?

MissTaken May 15, 2012 at 11:37 am

My family's proudest moment was when our cousin was on Intervention. They don't just take everyone!

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 11:44 am

A real-life reality TV "celebrity" in the family; how awesome, and something to aspire to!

el_donaldo May 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

I have a Prince William County joke!!!!!

I heard that they were going to merge Manassas and Dumfries. They're going to call it, that's right, Dumasses.

It's funny if you've lived in Northern Virginia.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 10:47 am

Manfries works too.

el_donaldo May 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

Ketchup with that?

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 11:17 am

Mayo is the preferred condiment, I would guess.

LetUsBray May 15, 2012 at 11:47 am

Just as long as there's some sort of condoment – stay safe, y'all!

Chill-A-Sketch May 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

Virgina Is For (Heterosexual) Lovers.

VaWyo May 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

I saw a great bumper sticker that said, Virginia is for Lovers* some restrictions apply."

Reginald_Perrin May 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

With a face like his, the least of his problems is being an object of sexual desire to anyone, gay or straight.

Designer_Rants May 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

Hey, Virginia: Eye Raping is better than Transvaginal Wand Raping, right?

boobookitteh May 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

Lol @ gays! They think they're people!

Eve8Apples May 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

Robert G Marshall believes idiotic bigots like himself are qualified to serve in the U.S. Senate, but intelligent gay men are not qualified to be judges or soldiers because they may want to fuck idiotic bigots.

EatsBabyDingos May 15, 2012 at 10:38 am

Good thing Thurgood Marshall never advocated for Negroes.

skoalrebel May 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

Stupid fuckin' queer doesn't know what closets are for. [spit!]

littlebigdaddy May 15, 2012 at 10:39 am

You just know Marshall is a rest-stop goblin.

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

Now I'll never take another piss in a VA rest area. Thanks.

Maman May 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

Men who are worried about guys hitting on them endlessly should consider how they treated every woman they have encountered in their lives…. karma is a bitch

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

Hit the nail right on the head there, Maman did. Men, straight or gay, know how slutty they are, and fear it if it is directed at them from them.

Chet Kincaid May 15, 2012 at 11:46 am

So he's right?

widestanceromance May 15, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Only to the degree that we are the more wandering and seed-spreading sex. What we see and think of the objects of our desire/affections are one thing, whether and how we act upon them is another.

I may lust in my heart at all times, but I do not take by force what I see and want (lucky for my coworkers).

Terry May 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

"life is a contradiction to the requirement of submission to the constitution.”

So, why do people who give speeches about freedom seem to be so into submission?

BerkeleyBear May 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

Sic simper(ing) tyranus?

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

Ever since my boyfriend Joe started this last week, when I hear a person explain why they have already "called" all the marriage and why "gays" can't have any – my brain immediately goes to Democratic Governor of Alabama George Wallace – "Segregation Now, Segregation Tomorrow, Segregation Forever." Except, not so much, eh George? Not for like 5 minutes after you said that stupid evil shit. This one man one woman argument is starting to get so squishy, with the "It's a tradition" bullshit, especially in the face of the polygamy ridden Mormon R candidate – I just don't see how long they can play this game JUST to feel better about something that heteros – particularly the white males I know, ya know the ones who make up the R party – are honestly not usually all that jacked up about doing very well anyway. "1, 2, 3 What are we fighting for? Don't ask me I don't give a damn" Bigots are gonna be bigots, but their arguments are all falling apart.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

But what then? You know this slope leads inevitably and swiftly to man-turtle marriage.

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 10:47 am

Oh yeah, cause it's the guy who always wants to get married, please. You'll see women marrying horses WAY quicker. (looking at YOU ANN)

ETA this is where this falls apart for me. What dude is going to get off his ass to marry something, particularly when he is going to have to do all the work for the wedding and he already gets to fuck the turtle?

BerkeleyBear May 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

Well, Miz Lindsay has been known to swoon in the presence of a certain distinguished terrapin from Kentucky, and Lord knows Mitch ain't giving up nothing without a promise (which he can break on his side).

prommie May 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

Well, you know how those turtles can nag and nag and nag and finally its like everyone just expects you to tie the knot and your will breaks down and then you find yourself at the alter wondering how the hell this all came about

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

The smartest thing I ever did was marry a guy who wanted to get married and have kids, after being the girl (I was only 23 for Christ's sake) who wasn't all that interested in it. He was the persistent one. So now, whenever shit goes crazy with the kiddos and whatnot I get to say "THIS WASN'T MY IDEA!!!" And he says "I'M SORRY!!! YOU WERE RIGHT!!!" It rules. Also, I have a gay guy friend that I SWEAR TO GOD does NOT want this to become legal because he honestly does not want to have to deal with his partner's shit about it.

Come here a minute May 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

It'd be worth it for the sweet turtle dowry.

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 11:05 am

But Raphael, with his bad boy attitude, is so freakin hot!

Generation[redacted] May 15, 2012 at 11:39 am

You know what they say. Why buy the turtle when you can get the soup for free ;)

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

QUIT JUDGING ME!

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 10:43 am

I'm so glad that progressive states like Virginia exist so that we can compare and contrast to more repressive regimes like Torquemada.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 15, 2012 at 10:44 am

I wish these guys would just STFU about "homosexual inclinations" and "submission to the constitution" and all of their tortured, twisted rationalizations. Just say "I think guys who like other guys are icky" and be done with it. The hating is annoying, but its the dishonesty and hypocrisy that I have the biggest problem with.

boobookitteh May 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

More like "I like other guys and I hate myself for it even as I wish I could be submissive."

RedneckMuslin May 15, 2012 at 10:45 am

Come on, Bob! Just say it. He has a hyphenated last name.

SorosBot May 15, 2012 at 10:46 am

See, it would be OK if he was one of those self-loathing, closeted gay men, but actually fighting for gay rights somehow makes the judge unqualified in bigot land.

BaldarTFlagass May 15, 2012 at 10:48 am

P-E-N-I-S goes into the VA legislature to rupture justice.

Guppy May 15, 2012 at 10:49 am

a bill to prevent gay servicemen and ladies in the Virginia National Guard

Trying to enforce state law on the federal dime? I love the smell of "fiscal responsibility" in the morning!

weejee May 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

Robert G. Marshall, what a fuckstick. Another war wimp, draft-dodging heteropansy bitchin' about gay men, who had a pair and put their ass in harm's way. Arsehole, too, also.

VaWyo May 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

It's people like Marshall that make me realize that I do not live in purple state, no matter how we voted in the last election. VA is red to the core.

superdave May 15, 2012 at 11:15 am

And it makes me glad that I live on the other side of the Potomac.

boobookitteh May 15, 2012 at 11:19 am

Don't blame me, I'm from Massachusetts!

wait…

Chow Yun Flat May 15, 2012 at 10:50 am

Virginia-ese to English translation of remarks by Robert G. Marshall:

I hate and fear men who love other men. And everything else that I can't understand by reference to my warped view of the world.

SayItWithWookies May 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

“It’s a distraction when I’m on the battlefield and have to concentrate on the enemy 600 yards away and I’m worried about this guy who’s got eyes on me.”

Except you've never been on a battlefield in your damn life unless it was to tour one a hundred years after anyone fought on it, dumbass.

Tommy1733 May 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I'll bet while he was on that tour there were loads of cute guys checking out his junk.

SwanSwanH May 15, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Unlike his sister, Paula, his wikipedia page also does not mention him having been in any pilots.

Or pages, for that matter.

sharethegrief May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

Waiting for the Log Cabin Republicans to defend Marshall, asap.

Chichikovovich May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

So Editrix is a descendant of John "Marbury versus Madison" Marshall who invented judicial review. Big deal. One of my great-grandparents discovered that a quick hit from the mine's emergency oxygen canisters is a miracle hangover cure.

johnnyzhivago May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

Virginia rapidly becoming the South Carolina of the north….

DaSandman May 15, 2012 at 10:54 am

Bobby is trying to fight for what's right. But he still can't shake those dreams about cocks as thick as redwood trees. Whatever does it all mean…?

prommie May 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

I have never heard of this "requirement" that one live one's life in "submission" to the Constitution. Does anyone have a cite for that?

Chet Kincaid May 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

"Founding Sugar Daddies: Standing Firm" – Pornography – Historical – Gay – 1989 – DVD

Wile E. Quixote May 15, 2012 at 10:56 am

Oh, and just in case anyone was wondering, no, Chickenshit Bob Marshall never served in the military.

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

How could he possibly serve with everyone lusting after his ass?! I, for one, appreciate the sacrifice that he made by deciding not to join lest the entire armed services be disrupted by the lusting after his ass. Bob Marshall is truly a patriot who loves America!!!

boobookitteh May 15, 2012 at 11:21 am

Oh, I just assumed that was the case.

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

He really looks like the older version of that student who used to wave his hand wildly at Mr. Kotter.

actor212 May 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

Whore-Shack?

Jus_Wonderin May 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

Yes! You're a sharpy. I didn't have the energy to Google him.

smashedinhat May 15, 2012 at 10:58 am

Bet Bob has hairy palms from all that worrying about teh gays.

randcoolcatdaddy May 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

Marshall trying to explain why a nubile blonde young man from rentboys.com is carrying his luggage in an airport in 3…2….

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 11:00 am

It's axiomatic around here that Pennsylvania is two big cities surrounded by Alabama. Can't we now say something similar about Ye Olde Dominion? Like maybe, "Two enclaves of bureaucrats and contractors separated by Arkansas?"

ifthethunderdontgetya May 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

I think it's just NoVa and Tennsylbama.
~

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

I've personally seen literacy in the Hampton Roads area.

Wile E. Quixote May 15, 2012 at 11:02 am

When asked about abortion in the case of incest, Marshall replied that sometimes incest is voluntary.

Yes Bob, but not everyone is your mother and father.

BerkeleyBear May 15, 2012 at 11:03 am

Why is it that 50 year old Republicans keep bringing up the level of sophisticated discourse of a high school locker room from the 1980s (back when all sex would make your dick fall off (AIDS) but gay sex would also make your ass fall off (AIDS) all because some dude in Africa just had to fuck a monkey (AIDS)). I swear to fucking God this was the exact reasoning of guys on my football and wrestling teams as to why they'd kill any fags who they found out were on the team and eyeballing them. But they were dumb little shits, most of whom got better with greater exposure (myself included) – what's this shitstain's excuse?

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

Football and wrestling? Bet you were adorable in your "singlet."

About five minutes into this Nixon rant, you can hear him tell how Aristotle and Socrates were fags and brought down all of western civilization:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TivVcfSBVSM

BerkeleyBear May 15, 2012 at 12:06 pm

My personal feeling is that singlets are the number one reason so few wrestlers are actually gay. Feeling that exposed in a "sport" is basically an open call for homophobia by teenaged boys to cover up emotionally (since they can't physically). Any sort of gay curious kid better be a badass wrestler to make the constant shitstorm worth taking.

V572 Is this him? May 15, 2012 at 12:36 pm

If your handle were “ExeterEd” I’d think you were really John Irving.They made us wrestle in high school gym, and it gave gangly, skinny me a lot of respect for boys who pursue such a rigorous, unpopular sport.

Chow Yun Flat May 15, 2012 at 11:04 am

If this guy gets elected to the Senate he will join Mitch McConnell in the chinless caucus.

chicken_thief May 15, 2012 at 11:08 am

It won't be long now before AL and TN think of this, too. Also.

James Michael Curley May 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

When I was young I once submitted to the constitution. Man, thought I was gonna die from all the nasty parchment cuts left on my back.

teebob2000 May 15, 2012 at 11:17 am

I'd hit it. And by "hit" I mean frag with extreme prejudice (after all it's only fair) if I was forced to share a battlefield with this fuckwit.

Dumbedup May 15, 2012 at 11:19 am

Explain to me, what happened in Virginia? They voted for Obama, then went completely fucking nuts? And who are these legislators? And who was "Prince William."?

GeorgiaBurning May 15, 2012 at 11:34 am

Prince William, Duke of Cumberland. A real jerk for his time.

Chet Kincaid May 15, 2012 at 11:30 am

"The Virginia John Marshalls"?! A Preppy Infestation with your KBJs and your Newells?! What's with all the highfalutin' pedigrees around here? Perhaps "Noonington" is Newell's natural accent!

kissawookiee May 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

Gay man who is in favor of marriage equality = cannot possibly be capable of impartial decisions on the bench.

Straight man who would just as soon see all teh gayz staked and spitted = THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN EVER POSSIBLY BE AN IMPARTIAL JUDGE ESPECIALLY WHEN THOSE GAYZ WANT TO GET MARRIED OR NOT BE FIRED OR MURDERED SOMETIMES WHEN ROBERT G. MARSHALL FEELS THEIR EYES UPON HIM AND GETS NOTICEABLY TUMESCENT. Also, too.

gullywompr May 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

Bob Marshall is the bat-shittiest of all of our state's delegates. He wants Virginia to start minting it's own currency for when the whole shit house falls down. I hate that guy.

fuflans May 15, 2012 at 11:45 pm

so, rebecca, ARE you related?

cause i love that commie mom is the direct descendent of judicial review and probably the marshall plan, also, too.

ttommyunger May 16, 2012 at 7:12 am

When I think of gays, my first feeling is one of relief that I wasn't born gay. Life is hard enough without having to deal with that. Then I think: wow, what if I was born an idiotic fuckwad, like Robert G. Marshall? That has to suck……a lot.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 11:06 am

I'da been married about 50 times by now if it were up to me, but 48 of them wouldn't have me. But the kids, thats a whole nother story, what the fuck was I thinking?

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 11:12 am

I thought I wouldn't be married or have kids, every single thing I thought was going to suck about having kids does. Obligatory "I love my kids and shit has definitely worked out for me" here but JESUS CHRIST. Of course, I don't have to work because of them – so there's a level of appreciation on my part (fuck off AGAIN Ann) but life would be a whole nother story in deed had I gone the other way. I was gonna be an English professor and school-fuck a different young stud every semester like Annie with the rookie baseball guys on Bull Durham.

bagofmice May 15, 2012 at 11:15 am

The fuck?

prommie May 15, 2012 at 11:35 am

there ain't no upside, that I can tell, they just worry you forever until you die. unless you like hit the lottery and one of them becomes bill gates or the preznit or something.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 11:50 am

I bloomed unseen, too.

Chet Kincaid May 15, 2012 at 11:51 am

I HATE YOU MOM!!!!!!

HistoriCat May 15, 2012 at 12:15 pm

A-fucking-men.

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 11:53 am

Exactly. I like to be happy my ownself. With kids, I have to worry in the back of my mind all the time about something happening to one of these little fuckers and the rest of my life being a terrible sadness. The actual kids I have are, so far, pretty cool themselves though, not terribly psychotic out loud yet, and I just don't wanna be the reason they turn. Otherwise, whatever. It could be worse.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 11:56 am

Oh, mine is full blown psychotic, gonna wind up in prison, or a corner office, one or the other. Fully insane.

prommie May 15, 2012 at 11:57 am

Its always the mom's fault, thats why, when we win the Heisman, we say "Hi Dad" to the cameras.

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 11:59 am

That's why you never put all your sperm in one egg-basket. Gotta spread it out so you don't have to concentrate fully on just the one. (I was an only child for the first 7 years, so I know what I am talking about)

FakaktaSouth May 15, 2012 at 9:22 pm

If chance, by lonely contemplation led,
Some kindred spirit shall inquire thy fate, —

Damn it you did it to me again, but it was making me think about poetry and baseball movies all day instead of lesbians this time. I still like "the world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness." That, and "hit the bull." Still, the point is, you did it again, but at least maybe my brain is getting bigger. Or I need ocd meds.

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