great moments in campaign brilliance

Ron Paul Plots New Democracy-Lite Path To Convention Glory

Pirate Paul is a-coming fer yer delegates, YAR.

American democracy’s most persistent old fart Ron Paul has announced that he no longer cares for democracy per se in the traditional sense of trying to “win votes” from “voters,” because this is a hard thing to do, when your platform is mostly insane. “We will no longer spend resources campaigning in primaries in states that have not yet voted,” sayeth Doctor Congressman Paul, who will instead focus henceforth on a cheaper alternative to never not running for president, that of trying to stir up shit at state nominating conventions by pilfering delegates that he will ransom for a speaking spot or some other sexy consolation prize at the RNC convention in Tampa. Video of said shit being stirred, after the jump!

There was bitter Romneyite-on-Paultard violence in Oklahoma at Saturday’s state GOP convention when the Paultard plot to stage a parliamentary procedure-based coup of the delegate slate failed and they all went cold nuts:

And here is the report from for those of you who do not adore the shrill sound of wingnut screams:

Paul supporters, who numbered about 600 and made up about 40 percent of the convention, used various parliamentary procedures to contest rules.

They complained the state party violated its own rules by failing to have a roll-call vote on the slate of national delegates and voted against adjourning the convention.

“Follow the rules!” they chanted.

Many of them met outside the Embassy Suites Hotel after the convention.

Earlier, a Paul supporter complained he had been hit in the back of the head by a Romney backer; Paul supporters got upset when convention officials tried to remove the Paul backer.

Good grief. [The Hill/]

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    1. mrpuma2u

      Who knew I had something in common with Dr. Paul? He likes his women just like me, sleazy and easy!

  1. Troglodeity

    Since ending your campaign is now "suspending" your campaign, what do we call this? Suspended animation?

    1. C_R_Eature

      I can't believe the Trojan company never bought one. It would be the perfect advertizing metaphor for them, no?

  2. BaldarTFlagass

    Who knew that, when the civil war came, it would pit Republican against Republican? This is great!

    1. sullivanst

      I love how the video, which presumably should have caught the back-punching had it actually occurred, is edited to start with the accusation of back-punching.

      Just like you don't see the car that is alleged to have attempted to run some people over.

  3. V572 Is this him?

    Shut the mutha down, Paultards! No justice, no peace!

    All the Republican bigwigs get twitchy when asked who's going to get to give a major speech at their little pep rally that no one watches anymore.

    In any case, what the convention delegates really want to talk about is not jobs or the economy, but where can a guy get some clean, cheap tail in Tampa, and they're not talking about lobster.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      The big topic will be the design of the official RNC Kevlar convention vests. Everyone will be wanting one, so how they look is going to be a big issue. (The color scheme is a given.)

  4. Dr. Nick Riviera

    I imagine the aftermath of that fight as an empty battlefield littered with furry heads and monocles

    1. HippieEsq

      and triangle hats. There will be half-smoked bowls, too, but only until my friends show up.

    2. Negropolis

      I actually imagine it liteered with an inordinate amount of Walmart-bought handguns. Also, an assortment of motorized scooter parts. Also, lots of comic books. Also.

  5. Come here a minute

    Ron Paul can't be taken seriously until he supplements Doctor/Congressman with Dentist/Lawyer/Realtor®.

    1. Negropolis

      Will they be servinig beer in this convention hall? I was told there would be beer.

    2. Dudleydidwrong

      Wait until they burn down the Reichst…er, Tampa City Hall, and blame Democrats, teh olds, and teh gheys from South Beach.

      1. YasserArraFeck

        Beer Hall Putsch vs Convention Hall Putz's. If Adolf had depended on these fuckwits, he'd have died in obscurity.

          1. YasserArraFeck

            I suspect that there are a few people out there who might tend to agree with you

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Judging from the ones I've met, a little on the short side. At least if we're using Rmoney as the ideal, which I'm sure he thinks we should.

    2. OneYieldRegular

      If maturity and insight were the metrics, not even Disney would let them on the rides.

  6. Mittens Howell, III

    Paultards sure yell a lot, I thought the pot would help with that. *sadface*

  7. rickmaci

    The four womenz in the "Pin-Ups For" poster could come into my room and tie me up and threaten me by saying "You're not leaving here until we convince you to vote for Dr. Paul, and " I would bravely respond, " You can do what you will with me, you may leave me destroyed in doing it, but no matter what you do, I am not going to vote for Ron Paul." End of porn movie plot.

  8. MissTaken

    That sound you hear is a million Paultards wiping the tears from their cheeks with their Cheeto covered hands.


    1. BerkeleyBear

      You'd think that, but the immediate response was "No, he isn't giving up, you just don't know what he means – we'll still be doing crazy stuff forever". Could just be standard denial, or the precursor to Messianic ritual/transformation of Paul from person to godhead of the church of Warhammer.

  9. HippieEsq

    The second Ron Paul gets a speaker slot at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, every member of the Republican Jewish Coalition (all fifty of them) will spontaneously combust. As a Jew myself, I'm debating the merits…

  10. edgydrifter

    One of the most magical sights in all of politics is the face of a Paultard contorting in equal parts bewilderment and agitation when he or she is confronted by someone who doesn't place Robert's Rules of Order on par with the Ten Commandments and the Bill of Rights.

    1. rickmaci

      The common denominator for most of the PaulTards I have met is they were their high school student council parliamentarian.

  11. Beowoof

    He was still running. Up here in the hinterlands of Western NY, I see Ron Paul signs all over. Hillbillies live in New York.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Homemade (I assume) spray stencil signs for RP are popping up here in Portland ahead of our primary deadline. Crazy is a powerful drug.

  12. Callyson

    Mayor Daley is looking at this scene and thinking "Republicans are such wusses. I would have put a stop to this, stat…"

    Of course, his way of accomplishing that involved a police riot, but hey…

    1. C_R_Eature

      Now, everyone knows that the Police are not here to create disorder.

      They're here to preserve disorder.

  13. Callyson

    "Do you want this 'party' running the state?

    Honey, I don't want that party running the garbage dump…

  14. Lascauxcaveman

    I may be too picky, but Ron Paul's somewhat long-of-tooth 'pinups' look like they're held together mostly with greasepaint and duct-taped corsets.

    1. Beowoof

      It left me with impression that these ladies were plucked from the Mustang Ranch Retirement Center.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        Good ride, quick and dirty (like Ron Paul's lay-deez! Yuk yuk!)

        But seriously, it was fun to do. Nice and cool starting off in the morning for that big climb, just few raindrops for ten minutes or so about 40km into it to remind us we're in the Pacific NW, absolutely sunny and beautiful after that, and all done in less than 6 1/2 hours.

        Best of all, nobody got hit by a logging truck.

        See you there next year?

    2. Butch_Wagstaff

      I'm thinking they may have appeared in pictures on top of Corvettes in those esteemed publications your found in mechanics' shops back in the day.

    3. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      It's not the age or the weight or even the makeup or clothing; it's the combination of all of those with a harpyish air of, I dunno, desperation. I've seen women much older and fatter that are more attractive than this lot.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        It's all the obvious dark roots that get me. Even the one going brunette has 'em.

        1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          There's something hard and unpleasant about those faces. I'd be afraid to encounter these women in a not-public place. They'd probably steal my cane and whup me upside the head with it before shaking the change outa my pockets.

  15. chascates

    It would be pretty bad for his son if Paul lost big in Kentucky. Then again, his son had better get used to being a cult-like loser like his pop.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      But does anyone really like Rand Paul? I've never encountered anything but hate for the fucker, and with good reason: he's an ass.

      I don't think even the Paultards like him, and they're the only fuckers who buy the Gute Doktor's family cookbook.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Goddamn, he won over Conway at +11%.

        Of course, this is KY where they'd elect a drunken mime over a Democrat if the mime ran GOP.

        Come to think of it, they did.

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          That's drunken mime "ophthalmologist"*, if you don't mind, sir!

          (*certified by his own personal ophthalmology board, no less)

          And ophthalmology is NOT and easy word to remember how to spell, sir!

  16. Fare la Volpe

    My whole life feels like shit today.

    But watching the Paultards cry and wail is giving me a raging dacryphilia boner.

      1. Fare la Volpe

        I've come to the realization that I have way too much stuff, and that, despite my initial beliefs to the contrary, it will not in fact all fit into a single large duffel bag. That buggers my plans.

        What is it about packing that is so draining? I think it's the emptiness of materialism (here lies the junk that was meant to make me happy), and the general sense of overwhelming that comes with realizing just how fucking much of it there is. Compound the fact that I'm moving by plane and thus have to FedEx huge boxes of crap and I just…fuck.

        Why is restarting your life from scratch so hard?

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Sorry to hear that you're having a bit of a time of it. At least you'll escape that horrible supervisor from work who complains about the African-American waitress.

          If I might make a suggestion? Box your stuff up and ship it USPS at the "I don't care when it arrives rate". Recently I had cause to ship several very heavy (books) boxes from LA to SF and USPS easily beat out both UPS and FedEx on price. Quick, too – one box only took two days. The last one took five.

          One of the things about moving long-distance is having to be utterly ruthless about what you really need. Even sentimental things. I moved from the UK to US so I know what it's like. It taught me that even things you thought you needed … you actually don't.

          Good luck.

          1. not that Radio

            Ironically, the USPS calls it "book rate". As though anyone ships books!

            My moving rules are:

            (a) if it doesn't fit into a pedophile van, don't bring it.

            (b) if you haven't even opened the box 6 months after moving in, just drop it off at the homeless shelter without even looking inside. It couldn't have been that important.

            (c) everyone who helps you pack the pedophile van gets free pizza and beer.

            I've moved 37 times, and these rules have never failed.

          2. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            The "Pedovan Manifesto" sounds ideal, really.

            Damn I wish I could teach my wife (b) but she won't have it.

          3. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            Tell her it's the standard rule all professional organizers use (it's actually true — if you haven't looked at something for a year, you should get rid of it, is what they say. I know this because I'm a fucking packrat and have needed professional organizers all my life).

            It's horrible when you get to be my parents' age and have EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING YOU EVER ACQUIRED in your life. Utterly horrible. Tell her that.

            ETA: Here's YOUR hugs.

        2. Chichikovovich

          If you need help moving in when you get to Ann Arbor, or anything else like that, let me know. Reply to a couple of weeks old posts, I'll be notified by email, and I can post-delete a contact email address.

        3. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          Sweetie, it's just STUFF. Packing is draining because everything has a memory attached, and you hate to leave any little piece of yourself behind plus you just KNOW you'll need the fur-lined handcuffs on the third date. Just remember, it's all just stuff. Give it away or leave it at Mom's, you'll be flying/driving home for Txgiving or Xmas anyway, or Mom can mail it to you if you pack it neatly and label it for her.

  17. WhatTheHeck

    He threw the tea overboard and kept the wenches instead?
    With the war on wimmenz, it should be the other way around.

  18. James Michael Curley

    The sign of an amateur film or video used to be an unsteady camera. Now it is that everyone in the shot has a body mass index of over 40.

  19. dadanarchist

    I don't get the photo. Is Ron Paul going to fill all the cabinet positions in his imaginary administration with transvestites?

    Edit: h/t YouBetcha who got there first.

  20. sbj1964

    Ron Paul is like the Herpes of the political world,he just keeps showing up,and there is nothing Romney can do.

  21. fartknocker

    Ron Paul, the DC Miser and the Galveston Porkmaster. He stands on the stage telling everyone how he hates Federal disaster aid, yet in 2009, the year after Hurricane Ike, Galveston county received $14,707/resident. Shit, Joan of Wasilla couldn't even do that as a 50% term Governor.

    I hope the old fart gets redistricted out of existence.

  22. Steverino247

    Let's go out to the Lobby!
    Let's go out to the Lobby!
    Let's go out to the Lobby
    And get ourselves a treat!

    And Ron Paul remained flat.

  23. Monsieur_Grumpe

    I am eagerly anticipating some good deals on used blimps and I don't mean that collection of sweater puppies up in that photo. Jeez, get minds out of the gutter.

  24. randcoolcatdaddy

    "Earlier, a Paul supporter complained he had been hit in the back of the head by a Romney backer."

    The Romney supporter made a mistake. He thought it was one of Mitt's high school friends.

  25. Arken

    A Ronulan posted this on RawStory this morning. I'm still laughing:

    "You Ron Paul haters may yet be shocked by events in Tampa later this year. Nothing is over, nothing is settled, and Mitt Romney has NOT won yet, and (brace yourselves) may NOT be the nominee. Ron Paul already has enough state wins for Delegates to nominate him from the floor of the convention. RNC rules 11 & 38 have not yet been addressed. It's not over by a long shot no matter how many times you establishment types say it is. Ron Paul for the win 2012."

    1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Ha, they remind me of some of those Accepted for Value maniacs who try not to pay money to the IRS (and get fined and/or go to jail)

      "I saw Willard Rmoney make a winning speech and the flag wasn't edged in gold, which means ipso facto plume de ma tante that it's only legal under Admiralty Law therefore an invalid acceptance speech so Herr Dr Feldmarschall Ronald Paulus will win the nomination under clause 18 subsection 3g of the Treaty of Ghent …"

      etc etc and so on ad nauseam

      1. ThundercatHo

        That made no sense at all. If that's their defense for non-payment of taxes any one percenter could tell them they're doing it wrong. It always amazes me when people just don't pay their taxes and pretend there are no consequences.

        1. Designer_Rants

          I remember when I was a bartender in my early 20s and heard a bloviating customer bragging to his buddy and me about how he doesn't pay taxes, cuz CONSTITUTION, or something. I asked my very conservative Drudge reading, "Some of them WERE commiez" (on McCarthyism), professional accountant friend what he thought of that. He simply said, "Don't they like roads?"

      1. Arken

        Apparently Raw Story is part of 'the establishment.' Another Paultard said it was spreading 'NWO lies!!!'

        1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

          Genius. I've not heard people yelling about the NWO for at least ten years. It's all Agenda 21 and THEIR TAKIN ARE FARMS stuff these days, even though none of these mongs have been closer to a farm than attempting to molest kids at the petting zoo.

          1. Arken

            Yeah, I remember hearing an Alex Jones rant back in the Clinton years where he talked about the NWO putting everyone in death camps. Remember when that happened? Man, those camps sucked.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Really? We're not supposed to ideate on the deaths of those with whom we disagree, but this could be a very interesting development.

        The Paulites seem very fizzed-up this year. Given the obvious crowning of Milt Ramley as King of the Loons there's a good chance there'll be a meltdown.

        1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          It has nothing to do with what WE think, really. Just look at yon screeching louts. Put a few tens or hundreds of thousands of them, fully armed, all together in the hot Florida sun someplace where they're getting screwed yet again (as they perceive it, and they're not wrong) by the "people in power."

          It would be naive in the extreme to expect things to go peaceably. I expect holy hell to break forth and shouting matches to escalate. And I don't, sincerely, wish that on anyone, having lived through similar things myself.

  26. poorgradstudent

    A little more proof that Libertarians are just authoritarians who expect they've already inherited earned a spot in the imperial court.

  27. DaRooster

    "…a Paul supporter complained he had been hit in the back of the head by a Romney backer"

    Did he later complain of a horrible haircut?

    1. anniegetyerfun

      Paultards don't believe in forcing haircuts. If they didn't let a few guys grow out their luscious locks, who would play John Adams in all of the Revolutionary War re-enactments?

          1. Arken

            I didn't even draw it. George Herriman did back in the 1920s. So ashamed… until distracted by shiny object.

  28. Negropolis

    I see Grandpa Ron is in the "Get on my lawn!" phase of his campaign. Bless his heart; his age is getting the better of him, this time around, but he's still not going to stop.

    The Mittens Romney, may you live in the most interesting of times. There is no honor among thieves. Romney has been buying votes and delegates since forever, so this couldn't be happening to a better guy.

  29. Negropolis

    I don't know why the Paulites didn't listen. He did always exclaim "You'll never get my GOLD!" whilst running up the hills before he magically disappeared.

    Where is your god, now, Paultards? Hengh?!

    1. HarryButtle

      I was just looking at the pic again and thought the exact same thing! A sweaty, greasy bologna. Can't believe I missed it first time around.

  30. ManchuCandidate

    I almost missed the Farce of the Paultards. Nah, I didn't. So long Ron Paul, you arrogant disagreeable sack of shit and proof even a bitter libertarian crank is right twice a day.

    1. weejee

      Oh shit, flamingdog, that's worse than that Kissinger-Palin shot I posted earlier. And that photog was really bad, eye bleach bad.

  31. iburl

    Imagine Obama sitting there. Somehow Paul can get away with this where nobody else can. I guess that's the benefit of having such hardcore sheeple supporters. Also blimps.

  32. DahBoner

    More time for Ron Paul to spend with his hot Democracy babes "panning for gold" (wink, wink) in the Yukon…

  33. BarackMyWorld

    If there's not a convention floor fight in Tampa, I am going be as disappointed as someone at a "Dark Shadows" screening.

  34. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Here's a new attack ad from Hopey attacking Romney at Bain Capital.

    Rmoney shuts down KS steel mill *after* trying to fuck everyone out of healthcare and pensions.

    1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      I just RTd that to the max. What a fucking fuckety fucked-up fuck that vulture is. Stealing the money of those who made it just because he can. Here's hoping he develops ball-elephantiasis and can never leave his home again.

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        It was the $125M bond issue of which they immediately removed $40M for "management costs" which got me.

        Rmoney is an asshole through and through.

  35. Dudleydidwrong

    "Pin-ups for Ron Paul." So that's how he keeps his Depends on his ass. The velcro didn't work, huh? Must have learned that from David Vitter.

  36. valthemus

    I feel bad that I'm hoping for more GOP-on-GOP violence at Republican gatherings. How should an atheist do penance for wicked thoughts? Ten "Hail Mammons"?

  37. Negropolis

    Anyone know of any good dirigible masts down in Tampa? 'cause we're gonnna' need 'em.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Maybe Hopey can co-opt the lot of them by coming out for MJ marriage just before the convention.

  38. CivicHoliday

    The PUMA's have found a new cause! Go get'm PUMA-tards! The GOP convention is going to be SO MUCH FUN

  39. smitallica

    If your picture is usually found on a business card stuck under every windshield in a concert parking lot, can you still be called a "Pin-Up"?

  40. pdiddycornchips

    Ron Paul is the only one who seems happy to be in that picture. The women have that look that hostages have when they're forced at gunpoint to make a video.

  41. lulzmonger

    So the guy who always sells himself as the plucky idealist sticking up for Just Plain Folks tacitly confirms that his entire campaign is now purely all about whoring up Dr. Paul's own political juice after the nominating convention?


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