ewwww girl cooties

Scott Fitzgerald, Wisconsin Senate leader and gross bestie of semi-Governor Scott Walker, is facing some competition in his senate campaign — FROM A WOMAN! It’s scary, but it’s true. Lori Compas, who currently works as a photographer and writer, is running in Fitzgerald’s district in an effort to get rid of Walker and his cronies in the June 5 recall election. Fitzgerald may be worried, but it’s only because he believes lil’ Lori isn’t doing a thing in her campaign, rather, it’s being run by her husband, a geography professor, and by “unions and protest groups.” “I don’t for one minute believe she is the organizing force behind this whole thing,” Fitzgerald told the Wisconsin State Journal. Clearly the geography professor husband has a better understanding of politics, because he is a man, and plus, geography. Also, Compas is FREELANCE, anyway, which is codeword for ASPIRING BABYMAKER.

“Big Fitz,” as he is for some reason known, was campaigning outside of his district over the weekend and was surprised to find that people weren’t heckling him or giving him the finger, reports the State Journal. This gave him the confidence to declare that women, and one in particular, are lazy, and that behind every so-so woman is a great man who can point to Djibouti on a map.

For the record, Fitzgerald said he doesn’t buy Compas’ Pollyanna image. He knows some people are painting the race as a David-vs.-Goliath contest. But Fitzgerald said he thinks her husband is one of the main forces behind her campaign, as well as unions and protest groups. “I don’t for one minute believe she is the organizing force behind this whole thing,” he said.

Oh, but ha, the Wisconsin State Journal is kind of a sexist pig as well, with man reporter Clay Barbour describing Compas as seeming “more encouraging art teacher than hard-boiled politician.”

Unfortunately this sweet little potential art teacher with the “chestnut hair and a permanent smile” (no mention of Fitzgerald’s gross appearance in this article, not necessary, not important!) is currently running about 14 percent behind Fitzgerald in most polls. But you know what, she has a chance, because:

The Packers-sweatshirt-and-jeans combo that used to be her campaign attire was gone; in its place was a smart, brown pantsuit. “A couple of supporters cornered me after my first listening session and said, ‘If you are going to be our candidate, you have to start looking the part,'” she said. “I have two suits now, a brown one and a navy blue one. I call them my uniform.”

That’s a relief. [Huffington Post, Wisconsin State Journal]

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  • Barb

    As a woman, I can tell you that we are all just a life support system for a pussy and puppets for our husbands.

  • nounverb911

    Needs more "Great Gatsby".

    • I don't know that I'd want to associate anything "great" with this Fitz. Think we can say it needs more "Ordinary Gatsby"?

      • sewollef

        That'd be F. Scott Fitzgerald and the 'F' stands for Fucking-Asshole Scott Fitzgerald, right?

        Or am I thinking of someone else?

  • el_donaldo

    The article keeps calling Fitzgerald a "stubborn conservative." I think they're trying to find a polite way to say he's stoopid.

  • nounverb911

    Isn't Fitzgerald just a puppet for the Koch's?

    • No question mark needed.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, but he's a man. Or, so we are told…

  • freakishlywrong

    You know who else is a powerful woman and wears pantsuits?

    • nounverb911

      Donald Trump?

    • Lydia, the tattooed lady?

    • el_donaldo

      Wikipedia has answers! Let's not forget Dana Scully!

    • SayItWithWookies

      Phyllis Schlafly?

      • I'd rather fist down this, if it's all the same.

      • elviouslyqueer

        Objection. FW said "powerful" and "woman." Thus, facts not in evidence.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Oh sure — go Godwin and then object when I bring up someone certifiably evil. Where's our perspective, people?!

    • elviouslyqueer

      Betty White?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      Miss Lindsey Graham?

    • Ariana Huffington?

    • miss_grundy

      Hilary Clinton, who has to wear a chignon, because she doesn't have time for a hair stylist or a $400.00 haircut.

    • Not_So_Much

      David Vitter?

  • Chick-Fil-Atheistâ„¢

    I'd hit it.

    That's Scott Fitzgerald, of course.

  • Mittens Howell, III

    Time to bust the BPKU (Barefoot And Pregnant in the Kitchen Union).

  • PuckStopsHere

    How could anybody be 14 down to this guy?

    • tihond

      His district is like Texas without the sweet BBQ or oil money.

    • sullivanst

      His district is mostly within Wisconsin's 5th Congressional District, which has a Cook PVI of R+12. He won by 28 points in 2010, so that lead's already half-eroded. Big Mo!

    • Guppy

      Who do you think draws the district lines?

  • Lori, if I was you, I'd be worried that Fitz here is going to start drunk dialing you. I think he has a crush.

  • freakishlywrong

    “Big Fitz” is even a bigger asshole.

    • LesBontemps

      Sounds more like "Hissy Fitz."

  • Reginald_Perrin

    It's ironic that a guy who has the Koch brother's hands up his ass pulling strings is calling someone else a puppet.

    • IceCreamEmpress

      It's not gay unless their balls touch!

      Also, Grot forever!

  • Steverino247

    Now, watch people get turned off from her campaign because she dresses professionally. "OOOH! You're a professional politician!"

    And yes, some people are that fucking stupid. I've met them, usually while dressed professionally.

    • sullivanst

      Plus, they really are stupid enough to think "she's a professional politician, so we must vote for the 20 year incumbent".

      Because, balls. DERP!

  • Baconzgood

    Brown Pantsuit 2012!

  • Come here a minute

    Compas? Geography? Sounds bogus to me. I want to see birth certificates for the whole campaign.

  • Goonemeritus

    You would think he would be reassured that Ms. Compas has the steadying hand of a man to help her cope when hormones get the better of her.

    • SmutBoffin

      Yeah, and what happens when she has her menses? VOTE FITZ YOU DONT WANT SOME WO-MAN MENSTRUATING ALL OVER YOUR STATE DO YA

  • Possible campaign slogan: "Lori Compas Knows The Way"

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Fitzgerald is just upset that he can't yet marry his puppet-masters, the Kochs.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Fitzgerald has a point, how dare a Democrat run with support of people behind her. He never had the support of people, just money.

  • Wait. She's 14 points down and this jackass is even acknowledging her presence in the race?

    Way to lose an election, blowdog!

  • BaldarTFlagass

    Fuck that Scott Fitzgerald guy. He drove his wife Zelda insane. We had to read some of his books in high school. Bo-ring.

    • sullivanst

      He probably is very used to hearing his name used in the phrase: Eff Scott Fitzgerald.

      [Edit: I probably should've updated the comments so as to avoid being the 4th or 5th person to make that joke]

      • sewollef

        Er, that would make me the 6th then. Damn.

        It does bare repeating though, dontcha think?

  • Mittens Howell, III

    What's up with Republicans and the woman hating? Don't they ever want to have sex with their wives again?

    Oh, never mind. I get it.


  • Callyson

    “Big Fitz,” as he is for some reason known

    I can tell you from experience that the guys who are known as "Big Whatever" generally are far from big…

    • Rotundo_

      Actually he is rather on the short side, has something of a Napoleonic complex and is a nasty little chihuahua of a man. Please excuse my comparison of Little Scooter to innocent dogs, but I do tend to call a little son of a bitch a little son of a bitch. Lori may not win but I surely hope she does because flushing the Fitzgerald and the Walker out of the Wisconsin political cesspool would go a long ways toward cleaning it up. I am sure they can get a lobbying gig anyhow and have the next batch of Little Fascists do the same dictation they have for the Koch's.

    • YasserArraFeck

      So called because his big anus fitz a Koch hand like a glove

      Scott FistGerald

  • littlebigdaddy

    Needz moar vaginal probes!

  • EatsBabyDingos

    You start wearing blue and brown
    Working for the Clamp Down.

    Don't say you weren't warned.

  • Boojum

    Can I vote in Wisconsin, if I pretend to be Mexican?

  • Callyson

    Also, her response on YouTube is funny:

    • Blueb4sunrise

      That's great!

    • fartknocker

      She's smart, well-spoken, has empathy, and another moderate person who is frustrated with Scott Walker and the Old Guard in the Legislature. If I lived in her District I would vote and campaign for her. I hope she gets enough votes to face a run-off. Old Fitz will be blind-sided.

  • Exhausted66

    Y'know what?
    F Scott Fitzgerald!

    • fuflans

      that is very very nice.

    • "….and the award for Best Play On A Political Name In An Obscure Race In Flyoverland goes to…."

      • Exhausted66

        Exhausted66 is unable to accept this award in person as he was born in Wisconsin but if he were here tonight, he would thank the academy and acknowledge BladarTFlagass who had a version of the joke a few minutes earlier.

  • SmutBoffin

    So what if your opponent is running a geography-centric campaign, Fitz? Do you feel inadequate because you couldn't find your own ass with a map and both hands?

  • EatsBabyDingos

    "Big Fitz, wearing his trademark snear and his eighteen inch diameter flatulating anus…" There, also fixed, too.

    • SmutBoffin

      "…and standing atop a pile of malnourished orphans while the unemployed Cheeseheads who pull his GOP-emblazoned chariot look on…"

  • IncenseDebate

    You know who else was into politics, wore brown, and called it a uniform?

    • nounverb911

      Sarah Mooosolini Palin?

    • Wile E. Quixote

      George W. Bush? No, that's not right, Nomex flightsuits are more of an O.D green color.

    • Generation[redacted]


    • chicken_thief

      The fucking Prevent Forest Fires bear?

    • miss_grundy

      Benito Mussolini! Or Francisco Franco, when he wasn't wearing Stendahl colors?

  • V572 Is this him?

    "Geography professor" = "liberal" = "master conspirator." Sure, he may look like a chalk-dusted, elbow-patched U-high grad; he's really plotting the downfall of the US, and using his wife as stalking horse is just the kind of evil trickery they embrace. A brown pants suit!

    Everyone knows that geography has a liberal bias, except when it's used to determine representation in the US Senate.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Funny how people working for the ALEC lobbyists' agenda are always seeing conspiracies behind every curtain.

  • I am confused. Does this mean that I am not a woman because I have a degree in Geography?

    • SorosBot

      Like women go to school for any degrees other than their M.R.S.!

    • YasserArraFeck

      You do realize that they only gave it to you so you wouldn't get all weepy/uppity/whiney when the menfolk were legitimately getting their degrees?

    • BaldarTFlagass

      No, but it probably means you are unemployed, or a geography teacher.

  • fuflans

    "I don’t for one minute believe she is the organizing force behind this whole thing,” he said.

    always with the 'behind' these guys.

  • fuflans

    do they have other names besides 'scott' in WI?

    • Elsie.



    • chicken_thief

      Brett. That sumbitch will never go away.

    • Rotundo_

      Yes, but it seems of late many of our most prominent assholes share that name. It was popular for a good stretch many years back, and like the big chunks rise to the top of the septic tank, they have reached the apexes of their careers as assholes. Fortunately not all the assholes are Scotts, as there are exotic varieties such as Reince, and a host of others.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Lots or Ricks and Dicks, too.

    • YasserArraFeck


  • mavenmaven


  • Unlike that other upper-Midwest spitfire who took her handlers a bit too seriously when they suggested that she consider updating her uniform.

    • Blueb4sunrise

      Frau Blucher?

  • SorosBot

    Those silly women, thinking they can run for office!

  • V572 Is this him?

    OT, but known media whore* Howard Kurtz has brazenly attacked our pretend girlfriend Tamron Hall for her takedown of Tim Carney last week.
    *For years he wrote "media criticism" while on the payrolls of both WaPo and CNN. Plus he did half an hour on the tweets of Mariel Hemingway.

    • spends2much

      Howie Kurtz is as relevant as Bristol Palin, and about as smart.

    • Redhead

      By Mariel Hemingway, do you mean the amazingly idiotic and self-absorbed granddaughter of the great Hemingway, whose memoir I threw against the wall so violently I was (sadly) then unable to return it for a refund (and which then made me want to kill kittens just so I could throw their dead corpses at Mariel Hemingway, who should be hanging her head in shame that she ever ever ever thought two seconds about putting the Hemingway name on the steaming pile she called a book)?

      Someone actually paid attention to her TWEETS? Stone him!

      • V572 Is this him?

        That's her! Howie was helping shill her cookbook. The transcript is out there, if you want to read it.

        Did you throw A Moveable Feast against the wall? It's pretty good, or so I thought. If it was some twaddle drooled to a ghostwriter by Mariel, then wall-flinging is too good for it.

        • Redhead

          NO!! I absolutely love A Moveable Feast. I threw Mariel's memoir against the wall. Comparing those two books is like comparing W to a rancher/cowboy, or W to a an athlete…

    • Rotundo_

      It's Kurtz, possibly the second biggest joke in "media criticism" ever spawned after Brent Bozell. Tamron should take this as a merit badge. If you have afflicted the comfortable you must be doing something right.

  • Generation[redacted]

    Wisconsin teachers give you an F, Scott Fitzgerald!

  • OneYieldRegular

    I'm not clicking on that article until I see one written about Mitt Romney's pantsuits.

  • dijetlo

    Oh Wisconsin, you are so adorable. Not like Florida or Arizona or that craven whore-of-a-State South Carolina, the truck stop queens of the American electoral circuit, no you…you believe in….shit. Crazy shit like "My vote will make a difference" or "I'm willing to serve!"…shit that has no place in this world, Sweetness. You haven't even choked out your last free breath 'neath the tide of raw Cock industries sewage that will wash away your Democracy forever and I…I already miss you.

  • Although she is cute, she does Wedding Photography!
    Gross and puke!

  • MadBrahms

    What is this, grade school? Next thing you know, he'll be accusing her parents of helping her make that awesome paper-mache volcano.

  • MissTaken

    It's so cute when ladies get all dressed up and play act like they belong in a man's world. Adorable!

    • Clomping around in the too-big wingtip Oxfords and growling with their little high-pitched voices!

  • Redhead

    Well Eff Scott Fitzgerald.

  • chicken_thief

    How the hell can Lori be running 14 points behind the Big Fitz?!! She get caught pissing on Lombardi's grave or what? How the hell can Walker still be even or ahead in the Gov race?!

    What the fuck is the matter with the voters of WI?!

  • 75orLess

    The resemblance to Pam from The Office is stunning.

  • BigSkullF*ckingDog

    She looks cute, but I can't judge her tits based on a headshot.

    • chicken_thief

      Tits appear to be jes fine – two of 'em, one on each side. (Left/right that is, not front/back or top/bottom)

      She's definitely doable.

  • sewollef

    I know where Djibouti is.

    I'm pretty sure it's what we English call the bottom, or possibly the front bottom of a lady.

    And she looks like a lady to me.

  • sezme

    GoliathBig Fitz may need to be careful with his analogies. I read where David had something of a union behind him as well.

  • salt_bagel

    When will Wisconsin's Scotts end their tyranny?

  • behind every so-so woman is a great man

    Behind every "Big Fatz" is a poison fart cloud that mesmerizes voters into voting "R".

  • Negropolis

    But, I thought the GOP was all about how politicians and government are evil, and you should only elect folks that have no background in politics. Oh, yeah, she's a heathen ART teacher, and a woman, so, yeah.

    The Packers-sweatshirt-and-jeans combo that used to be her campaign attire was gone; in its place was a smart, brown pantsuit. “A couple of supporters cornered me after my first listening session and said, ‘If you are going to be our candidate, you have to start looking the part,’” she said. “I have two suits now, a brown one and a navy blue one. I call them my uniform.”

    But, honestly, how disconcerting and digusting is this bullshit? Oh, Wisconsins! :(

  • ttommyunger

    "Big Fitz" is just easier than using his full nick-name: "Big Dumb Cunt".

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