Don’t cry too hard for poor John Derbyshire, thrust squalling from “the hushed, oak-paneled, Chambers-of-Commerce-financed precincts of Conservatism Inc., whose entrance is now barred against [him] by an angel with a flaming sword.” He has now settled easily into the loving embrace of Michelle Malkin and VDare, which is among your more-respectable groups of white supremacists. And what is wrong with white supremacy, wonders John Derbyshire? Isn’t it just another corner of conservatism? Indeed! Splain us please?
This isn’t because conservatism is hostile to blacks and mestizos. Very much the contrary, especially in the case of Conservatism Inc. They fawn over the occasional nonwhite with a puppyish deference that fairly fogs the air with embarrassment. (Q: What do you call the one black guy at a gathering of 1,000 Republicans? A: “Mr. Chairman.”)
Oooh, le SNAP!
Anyway, John Derbyshire is wondering what white supremacists should call themselves to better frame their position that those of European ancestry should be in charge of the world, as worked out so well in the Africkan Colonies. He has settled on “Dissident Right,” as opposed to those scared pussies at NRO who make up the Elite GOP Machine. But that sounds fairly Communist to us, and we think we should give him some additional options before he makes his final choice.
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{ 243 comments }
they should call themselves the "John Derbyshires"
While I was partial to"peckerwoods" out of the available choices, I believe yours may be more accurate.
I've always found that "Republican" works well.
Derbyshites works for me.
"Derbs", for short.
How about Mittensians?
Don't be silly. It's well-established that Mitt Romney is Mexican and thus constitutionally ineligible to be white.
Cracker is still my personal favorite.
I just heard someone say "Advanced the Ball on Gay RIghts" on TV and Matt Taibbi snickered. (It may have been Michael Eric Dyson, but I am profiling and believing it was my creepy boyfriend Matt.)
It was, I'm not gay but …
I'm also a fan of cracker. Or crackers. They are delicious with soup.
People of Colorlessness?
Paleican Americans please.
PaleO-Americans, if you please.
The Anti-Melalins?
The Palins?
"The Jets"
(What? It's cool.)
When you’re a Jet,
You’re a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin’ day.
Works for me.
Yeah, but using Broadway showtunes gives off the air of another minority the conservative bigots hate.
The Tebows?
I thought they'd already settled on "Real Americans."
FTW.
Sheet Fairies.
I like this one.
You have my vote. It has the benefit of being descriptive and insulting, in a way they will find insulting, as well as having a whimsical air that will drive them even more belligerently insane.
"Bedsheet Fairies" is better yet.
Perfect.
I'll take "What is flaming, blithering assholes?" for $400, Alex.
I'm happy with "Nigger Hater" [spit]
Hey, where'd ya get the picture of Romney's running mate? Or is that his Cranbrook graduation portrait?
Libertarians?
I'm torn between "objectivist" and "anarcho-capitalist."
I believe that's an anagram for "Sociopaths"
Scariest 5 words ever written:
"loving embrace of Michelle Malkin"
I have an "inny" now. If you know what I mean.
I imagine it would feel like hugging a spider.
Don't the ping pong balls get in the way?
Doesn't she kill after mating?
If Michelle Malkin came out and said she loved sex, I'd have to rethink that whole thing.
What – you think you're smarter than the average praying mantis?
The embrace of her arms, or her thighs?
I'm just impressed our Editrix could get "loving" and "Michelle Malkin" into a sentence together without her head exploding.
Is it just me, or does Michelle Manikin look remarkably like a blow-up doll?
She's a shanda for the Pinoyim.
A cancer of the mind and the body.
Yeah, speaking of cancers of the mind and body Derbyshire is suffering from cancer right now. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
I prefer calling them Cracker Ass Crackers.
That's the one.
Tornado Bait.
Win.
"We started out with The Crackers. We tried to call ourselves The Honkies. Everybody kind of backed off from that. It was too (pause)…. straight. So we decided just to call ourselves The Band. But that was already done. So we went with `Racist Assholes' "
— John Derbyshire, The First Rally
I'm thinking, "Mighty Tighty Whities" has a cute ring to it…
Derbs sounds like someone who's upset he lost his job over, say, publishing a column that was over the top in its racism.
Thread-Count Republicans?
"It sounds like a cruel joke, but it isn't. The Ku Klux Klan made huge profits selling sheets. The Klan had its own sheet factory in Atlanta, called Gates City Factory, which produced hooded white robes … sold to the racist faithful … Considering that the Klan peaked at *three million* members in 1925, there was a lot of money to be made in worsted white cotton." — Richard Zacks, "An Underground Education", p89.
[this is a really informative and entertaining book]
Pale pigmentalians.
Bad poll choices. Needz moar "Fucking racist fucking assholes"
Wonder Bread works for me: I also like gringo, cracker, and white devil.
Noblesse obloviators.
How about, bâtard raciste motherfuckers.
In commemoration of the French cheese grits in all of us.
The Boys from Linchberg?
Lynchberg.
Ah, me kan't haz spelin.
Lynchburg.
These days, "the lynchburbs" is closer to the truth.
Q: What do you call the one black guy at a gathering of 1,000 Republicans? A: “Mr. Chairman.”
What do they call him after he leaves the room?
Done?
A cab?
They call hiCLANG!
"Boy"
Boy?
Token
Comment of the Week.
"The chariman is a ni…(bong, bong, bong)"
Or, Dysentery Right might be the most accurate term…
"Nigger-, Spic-, and Jew-Haters Club." For the truth-in-advertising thing.
"Truth in advertising?" What is that, a regulation?
I've found 'ignorant shit stains' to be as accurate a name as any.
In any event, 'Derbyshire' is the kind of cool name that I like to imagine John Houseman drawling, and I think we should repossess it from this shit stain. He can be 'John Santorum' from now on.
The Beach Boys?
The Bleach Boys.
Teabagers
But not Teabagaderos.
"Mestizos?" Really? Jesus Fuck, Derbyshire — why not mention octoroons, hottentots, pickaninnies and mud people while you're at it?
Yes but have you noticed "Bush People" has fallen out of vogue?
Why does Dipshitshire hate America? "Mestizo" is so Mexican. Every patriotic white racist knows to use "wetbacks". Far more Amerikkkan.
Because he did not want to prematurely reveal the names of the treats that will be offered for sale by the Vdare Girl Scouts.
Wow. I was actually thinking, "Man, octoroons and hottentots would be awesome names for Girl Scout cookies."
Mud people, not so much.
Just many of the fine words for what Derbyshire no doubt refers to as "the darker races"
I have an email from him in which he does refer to Hottentots.
Crackerati?
I like that. Also "Crackertarians."
RITZ LIBEL!!!!
They should call themselves "bottoms." No one else uses that, right?
The Melanin Police?
The John Derbyshire Project?
The Krazy Kracker Klan for Kidz (KKKK)? (Ks ARE FUNNY)
Captain McHateJews and the Plantation Overseers?
Ku Klux Klowns, 'cause Ks are funny.
John Derbyshire Project, would not see that band.
Melanin Police, on the other hand…
Melanin Police were good on their first two albums but I'm sure you're more familiar with their later work
"White supremacy, in the sense of a society in which key decisions are made by white Europeans, is one of the better arrangements History has come up with."
I'm sure Ms Malkin's ancestors would agree, 110%!!!
Had he completed his thought, he might possibly have had a point:
Sucks a lot if you're one of the colonialized. I mean, there's a reason we're not still subjects of the Crown, and Washington & friends were all white.
Uprisings are acceptable only when they're about things like taxes on tea and tarriffs, not systematized racial discrimination and violent oppression. Duh.
Yeah, if only there were some way of educating the DERP crowd about the British East India Company and the reasons it was hated the world over…
Anchor Baby Libel!
~
It's like the Philippines didn't like trading in Spanish oppressors for American oppressors or something.
Especially being Christianized, considering the Spanish brought the Papacy with them.
How 'bout Jew-Haters? Would they be okay with that?
Naw, leaves out too many of the hated Mud Peoples.
…also, dissident right is not the preferred nomenclature. Asshole American, please.
this is not a guy who killed a bunch of Indians in order to build the railroads, here…
How about Good Old Peckerheads, or just GOP for short?
"Un-American".
Blatant racists like Derbyshire are an embarrassment to the republican party. It's like they flat out refuse to stick with the approved code words and insist on publicly expressing ideas best conveyed with a republican wink and a nod. Very uncouth.
The man wouldn't know a Quiet Room if he stumbled into one.
Skanky girls, Beach, they're skanky girls. The rich boys need them, they want to use them, they just don't want to be seen with them in the daytime.
He has now settled easily into the loving embrace of Michelle Malkin and VDare, which is among your more-respectable groups of white supremacists.
Michelle M. just doesn't get it. Look in the mirror, sweetie pie.
~
Stockholm syndrome.
What do you suppose they call *her* when she leaves the room? If she weren't such a thoroughly unacceptable human being, I'd actually pity her.
I bet they say things like "Me Wuv You Wong Time" and then snicker…
Makes me wonder what her folks were like.
I'm thinking, "bitterly disappointed".
This post reminds me, I was digging through the closet this weekend and found my old University of Northern Colorado Fightin' Whiteys T-shirt. "Everything's Gonna Be All White!!"
Well, I've heard the Irish will scalp ya for another pint…
Persons of Pallor?
The he-man n*gger haters club. Throw in jews, wetbacks, rag heads, chicks and fags just to be sure.
I like "Men Who Wank at Goats," but I'll settle with "Tea Party."
How about the ALL CAPS, since that's typically their preferred style of writing?
Them what forgot they was mixed-race trash when they got off the goddamn boat.
Tighty Whities.
Shouldn't the last choice read "Fat Chicks Only"?
I think he mistyped Dissident Right. It's actually spelled Deranged White.
NuremBurgers
Very nice, it goes so many ways. NuremBooger, NuremerBugger, NuremBrietbart…
NuremBurghers has a bit more of a Tutonic ring.
Win the day.
2L:
As always, you are too kind!
We missed you!
Aww, sheee-it, call us anything ya'll want, just don't call us late for hangins and burnins.
OTOH, Melanin-challenged plays well into their victimization fetish.
This is a trick….the answer was right in RS's text:
…scared pussies at NRO
How about the luckily-old-and-close-to-death?
"Encephalopathic Americans"?
Goat fuckers. I'm good with calling them goat fuckers.
Confederfucks?
Confuckerates?
Wait! Michelle Malkin is white? I'll bet she also considers herself to be a blonde.
In the same context of Ann Coulter considering itself a female. Long-form double-X DNA test or GTFO.
The South lost the War Between then States. Let's call them "losers". Even if they're from the North.
Losers.
Or "traitors", "traitors" would work.
I couldn't vote 'No Fat Chicks' because, c'mon, republican dudes? With chicks?
The Sausage Party
We should call them Conservative Uber Nationalist Traitorous Shits.
"This isn’t because conservatism is hostile to blacks and mestizos."
He forgot Chinamen, Hebrews, creoles, and octaroons.
And kudos to Rebecca on the surhead.
The Derb isn't hostile to the Chinese, he married one.
It is possible to be hostile to someone you're married to, in my experience.
Possible? Pretty much mandatory, in my experience.
Marriage is like a card game: you start out with a pair of hearts and end up looking for a club and a spade.
From the article:
It's just that conservative ideals like self-sufficiency and minimal dependence on government have no appeal to underperforming minoritie —groups who, in the statistical generality, are short of the attributes that make for group success in a modern commercial nation.
Of what use would it be to them to embrace such ideals? They would end up even more decisively pooled at the bottom of society than they are currently.
A much better strategy for them is to ally with as many disaffected white and Asian subgroups as they can (homosexuals, feminists, dead-end labor unions), attain electoral majorities, and institute big redistributionist governments to give them make-work jobs and transfer wealth to them from successful groups.
Back to that whole "acceptable non-white" thing again.
I think you mistake the perspective from which he was writing that bile.
I think he means that evil liebruls are trying to peel away constituencies that he thinks rightly belong to Conservatives. The only "races" that "rightly belong to Conservatives" would be whites, and the occasional Asian, who are somehow not as bad as the other non-whites. Hence, he can stomach marrying one of them.
You know how in the LGBT community there were movements to reclaim words like 'queer' and 'f*****' (reclaimed or not, I'm not touching that one)?
So why doesn't Dirtyshite try the same for 'idiot asswipe dipshit waste of oxygen'? Let him announce, with pride, "I am an Idiot Asswipe Dipshit Waste Of Oxygen!" Everyone will agree, "You sure are, John. You sure are."
1%ers
Really, Massa Derbyshire? And what is Michelle Malkin's role on Vdare, which the Southern Poverty Law Center has identified as a hate-group site — Hate-Fuck Comfort Woman?
Chet, don't you see, they're just trying to convince The Blacks to escape the Democrat Plantation, where they are forced to be subservient?
"Hate-Fuck Comfort Woman"
I don't know why, but this makes me smile uncontrollably.
It sounds like a gentle, weepy country-rock number from '75 by The Eagles or Neil Young.
or the group that made "California Lady"
Malkin's role is LBFMPBH. Little Brown Fucking Machine Powered By Hate.
Does Derbyshire have any idea what "deference" means? Steele and Prius obviously rule(d) the part with an iron fist. All bend the knee before them.
More to the point, what is Michael Steele presently doing at a gathering of 1,000 Republicans, and why are they calling him "Mr Chairman"?
Oh, John. Holding up the occasional black conservative as proof of a lack of racism? Really? It's called tokenism, you dumb fuck, and it doesn't acutaly help your cause in any way.
His point was that conservatives should be openly and justifiably racist, and not embarass themselves with "ridiculous" acts of tokenism.
Oh, yes. Clearly have not spiked the coffee with enough whiskey today.
You sound like a special lady!
Well, they DO make me wear a helmet all day long, and I get to play with stickers!
Also, "mestizos"?
Sometimes Derbyshire likes to put on a Pith Helmet and play anthropologist. It's all well and good until he starts running around the yard frothing about the white man's burden and how the heat makes men into degenerates.
Colonel Kurtz he is not.
Utah.
I'm trying to be offended but the truth gets in the way.
Also, thank you for the Richard Pryor / Chevy Chase shoutout! (Danger–advertising in link)
This is the second time in a week that someone around me has referenced this sketch (the first time discussing how it could never air today).
"This isn’t because conservatism is hostile to blacks and mestizos. "
You need read no further than the last word of that sentence to conclude…racist.
Michelle Malkin is the real piece of work. An anti-anchor baby anchor baby; a brown-skinned woman who tongue-kisses the white supremacists at VDARE; an advocate for interning people who come from countries with active Islamic terrorists groups whose own parents are from a country with active Islamic terrorist groups.
Anybody know what the Tagalog word is for "Uncle Tom"?
I believe they call that a 'malkin'.
If I recall, and this is only phonetically spelled and from memory, it's "puntongenemo." Oh wait, that means "motherfucker." Carry on, nevermind.
Call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with sticking with "racists"?
I'm ashamed to claim him, but he is one of my people, so in that vein I'm going with " Wog-hating, Coon-baiting Cunts of Albion".
There's a clear line of succession from Chaucer to Shakespeare to Blake to Trollope to to Orwell to Derbys….
Nope. I tried, but couldn't do it, even in jest.
You forgot "Paki-bashing"
"Cunts Of Albion" — why were they never on a triple bill with The Jam and Sex Pistols at The Marquee Club in 1977?!
Derbyshire played backup kazoo on their album "National Front" which contained the singles "Nazi Punks, Wont' You Take Me Home Tonight?", "Hitler Died for Your Sins You Ungrateful Race Traitor Bastards" and "Stand by Your Klan".
Have you ever noticed that the most ardent proponents of white supremacy are also the most inbred looking fuckers around, you know, like John Derbyshire?
"Just a Bunch of Guys who Get Together with Sheets Over Their Heads"?
Buckra.
"Ugly Americans" sounds good to me.
How about they call themselves the Limbaughs?
"Boys in the Hoods"?
"But not hoodies."
We should call ourselfs what we have ALWAYS called ourselfs: Conservative Christians!!! GIL!! PTL!!!!
Knobless gobs
And yet, despite his claims of the superiority of the white race, John Derbyshire is a rice queen who married a Chinese woman.
Derbyshire has also announced that he is reviving a classic American restaurant chain as The Brown Derbyshire®. High quality yet affordable meals will be served to decent White American families by hostile Filipina girls in cheerleader outfits.
The Burdens.
Kiplings?
Mestizos ? Aww shit. White bread honkey Derbyshire is just cold calling a La Raza race war, now. We'll cut off the food trailers and get all the hipsters on our side , homes.
I wonder if Derbyshire got hired at VDare by asking Malkin, "Who's yer daddy?"
Whitemanna Boss and the Supremes.
John Derbyshire hasn't been punched in the throat nearly enough for my taste.
my puerto rican roommate has just started referring to white people in general as "those without swag"
The GOP, bitches!
Anal Bum Covers?
God Don't Make No White Trash
Well, I always call white supremacists "their own best counter-arguments" but I can't imagine La Derb will go for that.
It's true, though. You don't see Stephen Hawking or Joyce Carol Oates or Scarlett Johansson or Tom Brady or Diana Nyad or any white person who has ever actually accomplished anything other than whining for pay being a white supremacist.
Scarlett Johansson is a proud Jew, so she wouldn't fit with the white supremacist crowd if she wanted to.
"Wite kasuls"?
Nice Richard Pryor reference, by the way.
The Klantastics?
The Aristocrats
Misguided
John Derbyshire has begun his second round of chemotherapy since being fired from National Review…
What would have happened if he had been fired from The Heritage Foundation?
Colostomy
"Colostomy" is what he was when he got hired at National Review.
How about "The Oppressed"?
Bores
This period will be looked back upon as The Boor War.
Let it be known that I chose "Dead Honkeys" for the irony and not for the other reason.
"sour grapes" in derbyshire's' case
or perhaps "sour grapes of wrath"
Right-Wing Social Engineering, LLP
I try to think of good names but I keep coming back to the same old thing. "The Breakfast Monkeys!" Exclamation point is optional, but I rather like it.
Making fun of these guys is the REAL racism.
I think with his statement "White supremacy, in the sense of a society in which key decisions are made by white Europeans, is one of the better arrangements History has come up with", Derbyshire is really looking at history wrongly. History made no active choice obviously, and the reasons white Europeans gained a leadership foothold earlier have roots that go back thousands of years to the dawn of agriculture. The development of agriculture was an accident of geography – certain cereals that people like and that grow well were available in the same places where proto-Europeans lived. This allowed societies to settle in one place, and allowed people to specialize their skills, which allowed the creation of armies and tool- and weapon-makers, which allowed these societies to defeat others, which etc.
Derbyshire sounds reasonable in his writing but he and other white supremacists have failed to ask why it is that Europe has been more successful than other societies. They seem to just settle on poorly-defended opinions like "Whites are smarter" and "God wants whites to win". Given that as far as I know the human genetic structure is largely identical (I mean where in the world would it have been an evolutionary advantage for humans and proto-humans to naturally-select weaker brains?) it is scientifically weak to not ask what are the core reasons for one group's success. He keeps thinking of himself as reasonable but he is wrong.
"This isn’t because conservatism is hostile to blacks and mestizos. Very much the contrary, especially in the case of Conservatism Inc. They fawn over the occasional nonwhite with a puppyish deference"
"…Why, I remember the maid we used to have when I was a child. Maisie, her name was. We just LOVED Maisie. She was just like one of the family. 'Maisie', my mother would say, 'I'm going for my manicure now. Make sure you iron all those shirts for the Mister to wear to work. And after you're done with that, the living room needs to be vacuumed.' And Maisie would say, 'Yes'm, Miss Lady' — you know, the way Those People talk. We just LOVED Maisie. And honest? My parents would leave nickels and dimes hidden around the house, and they'd be right there where they left them after Maisie went home for the day. Sometimes my mother would give her our old clothes, to keep, just out of the goodness of her heart…"
John Derbyshire Wonders: What Should We White Supremacists Call Ourselves Today?
Republicans. "Conservatives" and "teabaggers" when trying to pretend otherwise.
Saltine-Americans, that's what I'm going to call them.
Wouldn't "Pinkos" be more than appropriate?
Evil, just evil.
Shit fuckers.
Not very original, but descriptive.
Or perhaps The We Like a Little Black Poontang As Much as Everyone Else, But… Gang?
A Dying Breed. That's what they should be called.
I think 'Right Winger' is the most recognizable, accurate & honest name for white supremacists today.
Oh, I have a few words…but I'm a gentleman, so I'll keep 'em to myself.
The Supremes?
Know-Nothings. Hey, it was a (surprisingly ironic for the era) righteous badge of honor then, it can be a righteous badge of idiocy today.
Anything you like, so long as it's preceded by "the late".
LOL – I thought after I wrote my little summary of "Guns Germs and Steel" that the polite thing to do would be to credit the source, but then I thought screw it – his name sounds too much like Jamie Dimon.
"The Birthers of a Nation"
Good point, well made. And now I realize that yes, I do know who else conferred honorary white status on certain Asians.
Rudyard Kipling?
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