Exciting news for any of you who hate medical care and socialism! The Republicans in Congress are working with America’s Next Top President Mitt Romney to coordinate a plan for what will be in their bills replacing Obamakkkare!
The GOP took control of the House last year promising to “repeal and replace” Mr. Obama’s signature health law. So far, House Republicans have held dozens of votes on repeal, but they have yet to produce a broad replacement bill that would try to boost coverage without resorting to the mandate to buy insurance that Mr. Obama’s plan employs — a mandate that is now the subject of a Supreme Court challenge.
That is all very interesting (not really), but we wonder what will be in their modest package of bills? Great things, or the GREATEST things?
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Trading chickens for prescriptions?
Killing chickens and reading their entrails to diagnose diseases.
Does the patient get to keep the entrails?
Hey, no free lunches!
Yeah, get a job you dirty hippies!
Those are for the revised school lunch program. Two birds with one stone so to speak.
"Theese one has the cancer in the pancreas. Give them to the poor deestrect…"
Actually, they are just putting in tax cuts for chicken trading.
I'll tell you what won't be in the GOP health care reform bill: anything that actually makes our fucked up health care system better.
That's cheating!
Say, listen, there's a spot open on the GOP ticket for a bright thinker like yourself….
Former Rep Alan Grayson (D-FL) already told us what the GOP healthcare plan would be:
1) Don't get sick
2) If you do get sick, die quickly
Better for the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies, maybe.
Finally, we're talking about what the voters really care about: how to get rid of job-killing Obamacare and replace it with a gift card worth $15K. That'll be great if you never get sick.
I wouldn't wish illness on anybody*, but it's awfully goddam irritating when some person whose never been sick or had a family member stricken by multiple myeloma or lung cancer or any other disease that strikes randomly says, "I'm okay with my health care as it is. I only have a $5 copay when I take Tyler to the pediatrician."
_______________________
*because we're not allowed to anymore
Yep – until you've played pre-existing condition and/or lifetime cap lotto, you really don't know how critical the insurance reforms in the ACA are. It completely messes with your head to have to consider whether your child's treatments will be cut off if you change jobs or move.
Well, I wouldn't wish sickness on anybody either, but I might recommend a retro-active abortion for SOME folks….
What's the opposite of "Death Panels?"
Life Holes!
Vaginas?
I know they bring me back to life.
Immortal Aluminum Siding
Birther Boards?
Wainscotting
How architectural.
It turns a rec room into a study.
What, those ruffled shirts with a vest?
Don't be making fun of my loungewear….
Life under Republican rule. And by “Life” I mean life sentence.
Life, Death.. ought to have a sliding scale, like the Kinsey scale.
Maybe I've just been seeing too many previews of that Burton film. But I'm starting to wonder if my nocturnal-heavy waking hours seem less surrealistic now and more given as inexorable, though the result is by morning come worktime I might as well be the walking dead.
The opposite of scare-quotes "Death Panels" is actual death panels. And, yes, those are in the Republican alternative, they're called "deregulated insurers".
Freedom* Lotteries!
*from life
Hunger Games
The truth?
Poor houses!
Please Sir, can I have some more band-aids for my cancer?
Same as every other GOP program, bleeding the public then applying leeches.
And back to wooden false teeth like Georgie used to wear.
Bush wore falsies?
The elder for sure. Shrub keeps looking at getting a serious grill.
Hey, I can whittle some…
I have a better use for that knife.
I can whittle some of that too…
Leeches are far more medically useful than the entire Republican congress. And prettier too.
Just in time for the 80/20 rebates to kick in August. You have to watch these gnarly little fuckers.
The "Shut the fuck up and die already, you stupid sick assholes" Mandate.
I figure they'll try to replace Obamacare with a giant foam finger for America – the middle one that is.
Ice floes.
We're all going to die. I mean, earlier than we should.
I always laugh (inwardly) when someone says a person "died prematurely." How do you know?
"That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
–Despair.com
That which does not kill me only maims me for life. — Me, when depressed
Bart: We're going to die, Lis.
Lisa: I know, Bart.
Bart: I meant, tonight.
Lisa: So did I.
Neighbors bringing casseroles.
Bucket brigades.
That survey. Was it supposed to be sarcastic?
Seems pretty realistic to me.
While it had the appropriate number of "tax cuts," it would need about twenty more "tort reforms" to make it accurate. Plus an extra sharia ban for flavor.
Does it ban the ten commandments too?
And the dismantling of corporate regulations, assuming any are still left.
Surely it's supposed to funnel all the profits from insurance companies not paying for care into the pockets of Job Creators.
I think the appropriate box to check would have been "All of them, Katie".
I assumed it was the actual GOP poll of their teabagger representatives … until I saw that 'nothing whatsoever' was not a choice.
Zombie doctors! They'll work for brains.
Is there a co-pay? Because the teabaggers might not get any health care at all.
I believe zombie doctors will accept brains prepared with hamburger helper, mushroom soup, or jello.
OT but…
I went to the head shop Saturday. I wanted to see if they had one closer to my house than the one I normally visit, so I googled the name. They are very into Ron Paul, but you can guess why. So I noticed a recent review of the place, I guess some Paul-fan went in to express solidarity with them due to their large Ron Paul for President signs out front. Boy did he get a surprise.
"john – (one star) 2 weeks ago
This store is run by the lowest level of humanity. They are welfare recipients and communists. They believe in redistribution of wealth and they only support Ron Paul because he wants to legalize pot. They supported obama, now Ron Paul. Isn't their ignorance proof that drugs can affect judgement."
So, I went on down there and picked up my supplies, and in passing asked them if they had seen their recent review on Google. Indeed they had, and it was a great source of mirth and merriment for them.
That is really excellent – covers about ten topics in one paragraph, including the apparent inability of your average Ron Paul supporter to create logical connections among thoughts. It is tough.
It always tickles me when some right-wing ass refers to the rest of us as "communists". The only way they could be more behind the times is if they were swinging a caveman club. Ronnie Raygun was doing this 30 years ago, and it was silly and dated even then, as though his worldview came from a 1947 issue of "Boy's Life", which it probably did.
I don't see nuking North Korea in there.
Last year's flavor. This year, Iran is in vogue again. But watch for the sleeper North Koreans in 2013…
We're not going to nuke North Korea. What could we possibly do to North Korea that they aren't already doing to themselves?
Besides, the fall out would cover Japan and that would not do.
It would also cover SOUTH Korea. Which is the main reason why the North won't nuke the South or Japan, although they'd love to drop a few non-nukes on Japan if they could.
Patients will be just the right height, or they'll be denied coverage.
I think we can already see the bold direction of the GOP’s plan. Massive cost saving will be garnered by eliminating all unnecessary procedures such as treating women.
That is what they would actually do if they though they could get away with it. exceptions would be made for rich, white blond women.
They would get free botox.
Let's just replace it with Romneycare and move on.
HA!
Where "Romneycare" = 0, or where "Romneycare" = Leaving Obamacare as is and taking credit for anything that goes right?
Physician-assisted shoo-aside.
Doctors without Patients.
Boehner pills.
Do they make you orange?
Is that what they sprayed in Vietnam – Agent Orange?
Tax cuts for embryos wasn't on the list?
Those little freeloaders already get their room and board subsidized for nine months. Why, if it impacted anybody but
womenwhores, it would be a scandal.Hey, I remembered how to do the
strikethroughthing!*proud*
Tax Cuts For Embryos is the bumper sticker for this election.
Every American will get two aspirin, a mirror and a scalpel. The aspirin is for minor pain, like a ruptured appendix or broken leg — the mirror and scalpel will be for self-treatment if surgery is needed. The Chilton manual costs extra, but it's worth it.
Also, the aspirin can be used as birth control in a pinch.
…thus contributing to the ongoing problem of First Aid Kits Without Any Useful Stuff.
Tons of ammonia ampules and sling canvases, but no cyanide pills.
I thought the aspirin was to stick between you knees, for birth control.
That only works for women. Men can use aspirin to relieve the pain of the STDs they'll catch from all the hookers they'll bang because the good girls keep aspirin between their knees.
So is NAPA going to branch out into body parts now?
Watch out for those cheap Chinese imports.
Sure, why not? With the risk of septic infection, it's a market that creates its own demand, which also has the bonus of following most auto shops' business models — in very much the same way that whenever you take your car in for service, they always find something extra to fix. "Hey, while I'm replacing your ACL, it looks like you could use some work on that spleen," kinda thing.
"The GOP took control of the House…"
Uh… yeah, control… is that what they're calling it these days?
Welcome to the jungle baby
You're gonna die.
So now you're the one sticking songs in my head.
That's a form of skullfucking I am not familiar with…
There will be an appropriation for one copy of "Chicken Soup for the Lost Soul" that will be passed around the great unwashed and unhealed. It will be purchased from UnitedGlaxoPharmaAMA, and will cost thirteen trillion dollars. And it will be made from the hides of trial lawyers.
1. Prayer!
2. More unneeded wars to kill off more of our own young who won't then drain the system when they get older.
3. Dismemberment of the FDA, etc, to achieve more of point 2.
4. Profit!
More faith based healing please. Pray away the cancer! And the herpes!
Clap, clap, clap…
Sorry, the clap is punishment for having sex and you must suffer through it and spread it unto as many sluts as you can. It's in the bible, look it up!
Abstinence-only maternity care?
Which brings up one that should also have been on the list: mandatory roofies for all female patients.
Giggity.
Rmoney knows people who own their own hospitals.
I guess if we all wear the Magic Underwear we will be immune from disease, death & hardship. Looks like it's working pretty well for the Romneys and Osmonds (last I saw, there were about 300 Osmond offspring).
I think you may be erroneously finding causality there. Another thing Romneys and Osmonds have in common (other than the fancy pants) is great huge buckets of money.
Everyone knows that you can cure anything with a bowl of grandma's chicken soup and rubbing some dirt on it.
Except glaucoma and the side effects of chemotherapy.
Those require chicken pot pie.
Doesn't work so well with Teh Herpes.
Or, uh, so a friend tells me.
You're right. To cure the Herp you go kayaking.
http://www.maximumawesome.com/section2/herpelife….
I wondered why such a stupid activity was so popular.
6 second rule applies to dropped surgical equipment
After that you have to kiss it up to the sky.
1. Rename the Mississippi River the New Ganges
2. Allow riverboat casinos to double as floating crematoria.
3. Tax break for whatever.
I think there is a grand baby-boomer conspiracy to re-introduce the small pox virus in an attempt to kill off the unvaccinated, ie anyone younger than them.
Under GOP healthcare laws Grey's Anatomy will be required watching in med school. Sure they won't learn anything about healing, but they'll know a lot about sexual healing.
I've never seen the show, but isn't it just doctors sexing each other instead of treating patients?
I saw it the first couple of seasons, and yes, it's just doctors having sex. Well, sometimes the doctors get shot and then they have the sex. But you get the point.
As far as I can tell from the commercials for "House", their hospital is run by a scruffy guy yelling at everybody. That doesn't seem like it would cost very much. There are scruffy guys yelling at everybody on every downtown street in most good-sized cities.
The only road to success is paved with complete deregulation of the health care industry – from big Pharma to hospitals.
As for tax cuts – not good enough!! Needz complete and total abolition of all taxes for all corporations and people related to the industry.
Once we get those two things done, America will once again have the greatest health care on earth. Ever.
USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!
CAROUSEL!!!
No one, R or D is willing to speak the unspeakable; no real reform can come about without the elimination of the bloated and inefficient middle-man: the Insurance Companies. National Healthcare can work, but not with money-hungry green shaders calling the shots.
Actually, that's pretty much what every legislator who called for a Public Option was saying. There were a few of them.
Very few, and very unreported.
Back when they were bangin' this Obamacare thing together they had no less than forty-one US Senators pushing to get a public option put in it.
Not a terrible start. Of course that's when we had a majority in both houses.
Call me a cynic, but I think the fix was in against Pub Opt. from the git-go, Dems & R's.
Christine O'Donnell doctors.
I voted for the 'transvaginal ultrasounds' because…Jobs!!!!!!!!!!
And because I don't have a vagina, alas.
Nor do you desire access to one–ever–if you voted for transvaginal ultrasounds.
If such things are based on my comments here, I am indeed in big trouble. 'But it was SNARK', will only go so far.
Oh, it was snark? OK.
Ladies! Blueb4sunrise is certified Vaginally Safe. Yes, your vagina will be gently used (pre-owned?) and you'll be a better woman for it.
ALEC will figure out some reason why you need to have a TransManginal Ultrasound soon enough, for whatever reason. It's all in the Model Legislation, coming to a statehouse near you.
Free knee aspirin
Can't be free. That would make aspirin a gateway drug to moar sexing.
Also can't be free because teh soshulismz.
These overworked, and BigPharma/ Insurance-battered, practitioners of the health profession are missing the trending wave if they don't recognize one's best bet for area of medicine is veterinary. I hear tell there's a new threat for existing cats and other pets expected to experience all-time record-breaking encounters with a generation of humans extra populated with sadistic, callous-unemotionals. We'll see more outcry for humanist vets to tend to defenseless critters sooner than for better psychotic treatment to committers of indefensible acts.
The psychopaths will enjoy having a bigger safety net — that'll give them more stuff to cut through to satisfy their curiousity about what it would be like to watch someone go splat.
Not much future in it, after the starving masses have eaten all the dogs and cats.
What Will Be In The New GOP Health Care Reform Plan?
Subsidies for drug companies to lower the cost of the prescription drugs we'll all need if the freaks take even more control of Washington…
Rethugliklans will replace Obamacare with Idon'tcare™.
The GOP won't be able finalize their reform plan until they finish watching the House marathon. Hopefully by June.
Free haircuts for gays with gay haircuts!
You forgot "Get sick and die" as an option—that is, after all, the GOP's actual plan.
For which I've yet to hear any of the very serious people apologize to Alan Grayson. Haaarumph!
Except the GOP will call it "FREEDOM!!!! (to get sick and die)"
The house plan will be very comprehensive:
1) Earn enough money to pay doctors millions of dollars should you be weak enough to get sick, though you won't probably, because you are a wicked millionaire.
2) If you fail at #1, pray to Jeebus. White Blonde Supply Side Jeebus.
3) If you fail at #2, please die in a gutter (in a bad neighbourhood, obvs)
2-a) If you are a woman-american, no abortions, no birth control, no health care of any kind, so you can have lots of babbys for cheap labor/cannon fodder/future consumers, but who are little welfare moochers until then — and also, to punish you for being a dirty, dirty whore.
You forgot zygote personhood.
Don't forget miscarriage personhood – You MURDERERS!
Maybe they'll outsource the entire health-care industry to Canada. Getting emergency care in Arizona, Florida, and Texas will sort of suck — but I'm OK with that.
Get sick and diet, also. Obesity crisis ended.
Free diapers for when you need to show your Domina that you made a nasty.
Deregulation, it works for everything else. Why should doctors be licensed anyway? What about freedum? This would allow folk medicine and other traditional therapies. After all if it was good enough for the Founding Fathers, its good enough for us.
I had some time:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TBZTTCD
I checked all of 'em, ElPinche.
Free guns and bullets and a how-to suicide instructional DVD for the poor, the elderly, the sick and the disabled.
I can see the Republicans going for that, just as long as there is no death panel to administer the scheme.
Only homos get sick, so it's okay.
Harvesting internal organs from poor people and donating them to millionaires and billionaires.
On the plus side, they *will* give bigger cages to the pigs.
On the downside, new legislation will classify all citizens making less than $200,000 a year as pigs.
Your imaginary surgeon will have steady invisible hands.
To cover the cost of minimal medical service offered at the local Christian church (prayer and baptism included), Republicans will eliminate all government assistance to the poor, sick and oldz and give the money to Jamie Dimon to invest. When they die, the Mormons will baptize them again. Win-Win.
You forgot "implementing Sharia Law, under a different name."
Since hospice care is often fatal, we should eliminate it.
"What Will Be In The GOP's Health Care Reform Plan?"
Asking for the birth certificate.
I would like to have Sandra Oh's nipples included in my health care plan please.
[ ] Needz moar guns
Thank you for letting us choose more than one. It really IS all of them, Katie.
Also, helping the Canadians build a wall to keep the fleeing masses from storming the border.
Upfisted for using the same joke I was going to.
Don't forget that bake sales and charities will pay for everyone's medical bills also too.
Tax cuts for Billionaires, which causes them in invest in $500 million dollar Gee Whiz Laser Controlled medical gadgets.
Which insurance companies won't pay a dime more to use on you, so hospitals just raise the price of everything else, which your insurance company won't pay more for either.
Which means YOU pay more for health care….
The main debate is whether to only go with a self-payer system, or to keep the current insurance scheme, but remove the existing pubic options.
1. Don't get sick
2. If you get sick, die quickly
http://www.congressmanwithguts.com
Fukkin' RUWANDA has health care for everyone! RU fukkin' WANDA!! And CHINA fukkin' CHINA!!! FUKKK!!!
I get very irritated when this subject comes up. After working for more than 30 years as an ER, critical care and transplant RN I think I have some insight here. I believe the last number I saw was 39 billion as the amount that hospitals have had to eat for unpaid services. What I did see were the poorest people often illegals bringing in $5 or $10 bucks at the time of service, and quite often continuing to do so until their bill was paid. These dumbasses that don't have any idea of what to do, except repeat we don't want or need healthcare, need to come to work and personally decide who gets help. Ah, perhaps not, they are the ones who show up in the ER for treatment of chapped lips, this person actually came back a week later because the chapstick hadn't helped.
Please forgive my almost snark free rant.
They will not replace ObamaCare with anything. I mean, they have their Government supplied health care for life so why would they give a shit about the rest of the country?
Lots & lots of prayer, preferably out loud, unintelligible and rolling around on the floor….Lots of rolling around on the floor.
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