DUNNO PROBABLY TAX CUTS  11:39 am May 14, 2012

Vote Now! What Will Be In The GOP’s Replacement For Obamacare?

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

DoctorsExciting news for any of you who hate medical care and socialism! The Republicans in Congress are working with America’s Next Top President Mitt Romney to coordinate a plan for what will be in their bills replacing Obamakkkare!

The GOP took control of the House last year promising to “repeal and replace” Mr. Obama’s signature health law. So far, House Republicans have held dozens of votes on repeal, but they have yet to produce a broad replacement bill that would try to boost coverage without resorting to the mandate to buy insurance that Mr. Obama’s plan employs — a mandate that is now the subject of a Supreme Court challenge.

That is all very interesting (not really), but we wonder what will be in their modest package of bills? Great things, or the GREATEST things?

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world’s leading questionnaire tool.

[WashingtonTimes]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 182 comments }

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

Trading chickens for prescriptions?

IncenseDebate May 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

Killing chickens and reading their entrails to diagnose diseases.

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

Does the patient get to keep the entrails?

Callyson May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Hey, no free lunches!

starfanglednut May 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Yeah, get a job you dirty hippies!

IncenseDebate May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Those are for the revised school lunch program. Two birds with one stone so to speak.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

"Theese one has the cancer in the pancreas. Give them to the poor deestrect…"

Lionel[redacted]Esq May 14, 2012 at 2:04 pm

Actually, they are just putting in tax cuts for chicken trading.

SorosBot May 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

I'll tell you what won't be in the GOP health care reform bill: anything that actually makes our fucked up health care system better.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

That's cheating!

Say, listen, there's a spot open on the GOP ticket for a bright thinker like yourself….

Lascauxcaveman May 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Former Rep Alan Grayson (D-FL) already told us what the GOP healthcare plan would be:

1) Don't get sick
2) If you do get sick, die quickly

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Better for the insurance companies and pharmaceutical companies, maybe.

V572 Is this him? May 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

Finally, we're talking about what the voters really care about: how to get rid of job-killing Obamacare and replace it with a gift card worth $15K. That'll be great if you never get sick.

I wouldn't wish illness on anybody*, but it's awfully goddam irritating when some person whose never been sick or had a family member stricken by multiple myeloma or lung cancer or any other disease that strikes randomly says, "I'm okay with my health care as it is. I only have a $5 copay when I take Tyler to the pediatrician."
_______________________
*because we're not allowed to anymore

BerkeleyBear May 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

Yep – until you've played pre-existing condition and/or lifetime cap lotto, you really don't know how critical the insurance reforms in the ACA are. It completely messes with your head to have to consider whether your child's treatments will be cut off if you change jobs or move.

IonaTrailer May 14, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Well, I wouldn't wish sickness on anybody either, but I might recommend a retro-active abortion for SOME folks….

Serolf_Divad May 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

What's the opposite of "Death Panels?"

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

Life Holes!

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Vaginas?

I know they bring me back to life.

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

Immortal Aluminum Siding

weejee May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

Birther Boards?

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Wainscotting

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

How architectural.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:09 pm

It turns a rec room into a study.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

What, those ruffled shirts with a vest?

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Don't be making fun of my loungewear….

WhatTheHeck May 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Life under Republican rule. And by “Life” I mean life sentence.

Mumbletypeg May 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Life, Death.. ought to have a sliding scale, like the Kinsey scale.
Maybe I've just been seeing too many previews of that Burton film. But I'm starting to wonder if my nocturnal-heavy waking hours seem less surrealistic now and more given as inexorable, though the result is by morning come worktime I might as well be the walking dead.

sullivanst May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

The opposite of scare-quotes "Death Panels" is actual death panels. And, yes, those are in the Republican alternative, they're called "deregulated insurers".

__kth__ May 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

Freedom* Lotteries!

*from life

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Hunger Games

smitallica May 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm

The truth?

Mittens Howell, III May 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Poor houses!

Please Sir, can I have some more band-aids for my cancer?

Tengu May 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Same as every other GOP program, bleeding the public then applying leeches.

weejee May 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

And back to wooden false teeth like Georgie used to wear.

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

Bush wore falsies?

weejee May 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

The elder for sure. Shrub keeps looking at getting a serious grill.

DaRooster May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Hey, I can whittle some…

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I have a better use for that knife.

DaRooster May 14, 2012 at 9:07 pm

I can whittle some of that too…

swordfis May 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm

Leeches are far more medically useful than the entire Republican congress. And prettier too.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

Just in time for the 80/20 rebates to kick in August. You have to watch these gnarly little fuckers.

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

The "Shut the fuck up and die already, you stupid sick assholes" Mandate.

hagajim May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

I figure they'll try to replace Obamacare with a giant foam finger for America – the middle one that is.

GuanoFaucet May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

Ice floes.

BaldarTFlagass May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

We're all going to die. I mean, earlier than we should.

V572 Is this him? May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

I always laugh (inwardly) when someone says a person "died prematurely." How do you know?

UnholyMoses May 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

"That which does not kill me only postpones the inevitable."
–Despair.com

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

That which does not kill me only maims me for life. — Me, when depressed

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Bart: We're going to die, Lis.
Lisa: I know, Bart.
Bart: I meant, tonight.
Lisa: So did I.

Mittens Howell, III May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

Neighbors bringing casseroles.

starfanglednut May 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Bucket brigades.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 11:48 am

That survey. Was it supposed to be sarcastic?

BaldarTFlagass May 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Seems pretty realistic to me.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

While it had the appropriate number of "tax cuts," it would need about twenty more "tort reforms" to make it accurate. Plus an extra sharia ban for flavor.

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

Does it ban the ten commandments too?

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

And the dismantling of corporate regulations, assuming any are still left.

Designer_Rants May 14, 2012 at 10:13 pm

Surely it's supposed to funnel all the profits from insurance companies not paying for care into the pockets of Job Creators.

Texan_Bulldog May 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm

I think the appropriate box to check would have been "All of them, Katie".

Biel_ze_Bubba May 14, 2012 at 12:14 pm

I assumed it was the actual GOP poll of their teabagger representatives … until I saw that 'nothing whatsoever' was not a choice.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

Zombie doctors! They'll work for brains.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Is there a co-pay? Because the teabaggers might not get any health care at all.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

I believe zombie doctors will accept brains prepared with hamburger helper, mushroom soup, or jello.

BaldarTFlagass May 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

OT but…
I went to the head shop Saturday. I wanted to see if they had one closer to my house than the one I normally visit, so I googled the name. They are very into Ron Paul, but you can guess why. So I noticed a recent review of the place, I guess some Paul-fan went in to express solidarity with them due to their large Ron Paul for President signs out front. Boy did he get a surprise.

"john ‎ – (one star) 2 weeks ago
This store is run by the lowest level of humanity. They are welfare recipients and communists. They believe in redistribution of wealth and they only support Ron Paul because he wants to legalize pot. They supported obama, now Ron Paul. Isn't their ignorance proof that drugs can affect judgement."

So, I went on down there and picked up my supplies, and in passing asked them if they had seen their recent review on Google. Indeed they had, and it was a great source of mirth and merriment for them.

MrFizzy May 14, 2012 at 12:29 pm

That is really excellent – covers about ten topics in one paragraph, including the apparent inability of your average Ron Paul supporter to create logical connections among thoughts. It is tough.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

It always tickles me when some right-wing ass refers to the rest of us as "communists". The only way they could be more behind the times is if they were swinging a caveman club. Ronnie Raygun was doing this 30 years ago, and it was silly and dated even then, as though his worldview came from a 1947 issue of "Boy's Life", which it probably did.

Baconzgood May 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

I don't see nuking North Korea in there.

Callyson May 14, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Last year's flavor. This year, Iran is in vogue again. But watch for the sleeper North Koreans in 2013…

Steverino247 May 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm

We're not going to nuke North Korea. What could we possibly do to North Korea that they aren't already doing to themselves?

Besides, the fall out would cover Japan and that would not do.

doloras May 14, 2012 at 11:22 pm

It would also cover SOUTH Korea. Which is the main reason why the North won't nuke the South or Japan, although they'd love to drop a few non-nukes on Japan if they could.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

Patients will be just the right height, or they'll be denied coverage.

Goonemeritus May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

I think we can already see the bold direction of the GOP’s plan. Massive cost saving will be garnered by eliminating all unnecessary procedures such as treating women.

starfanglednut May 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

That is what they would actually do if they though they could get away with it. exceptions would be made for rich, white blond women.

PubOption May 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

They would get free botox.

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 11:50 am

Let's just replace it with Romneycare and move on.

starfanglednut May 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm

HA!

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Where "Romneycare" = 0, or where "Romneycare" = Leaving Obamacare as is and taking credit for anything that goes right?

Spurning Beer May 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Physician-assisted shoo-aside.

WhatTheHeck May 14, 2012 at 11:51 am

Doctors without Patients.

Spurning Beer May 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Boehner pills.

nounverb911 May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Do they make you orange?

weejee May 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Is that what they sprayed in Vietnam – Agent Orange?

SudsMcKenzie May 14, 2012 at 11:52 am

Tax cuts for embryos wasn't on the list?

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:05 pm

Those little freeloaders already get their room and board subsidized for nine months. Why, if it impacted anybody but women whores, it would be a scandal.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Hey, I remembered how to do the strikethrough thing!

*proud*

Veritas78 May 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm

Tax Cuts For Embryos is the bumper sticker for this election.

SayItWithWookies May 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

Every American will get two aspirin, a mirror and a scalpel. The aspirin is for minor pain, like a ruptured appendix or broken leg — the mirror and scalpel will be for self-treatment if surgery is needed. The Chilton manual costs extra, but it's worth it.

BaldarTFlagass May 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

Also, the aspirin can be used as birth control in a pinch.

Veritas78 May 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

…thus contributing to the ongoing problem of First Aid Kits Without Any Useful Stuff.

Tons of ammonia ampules and sling canvases, but no cyanide pills.

SorosBot May 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

I thought the aspirin was to stick between you knees, for birth control.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

That only works for women. Men can use aspirin to relieve the pain of the STDs they'll catch from all the hookers they'll bang because the good girls keep aspirin between their knees.

V572 Is this him? May 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

So is NAPA going to branch out into body parts now?

Biel_ze_Bubba May 14, 2012 at 12:20 pm

Watch out for those cheap Chinese imports.

SayItWithWookies May 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Sure, why not? With the risk of septic infection, it's a market that creates its own demand, which also has the bonus of following most auto shops' business models — in very much the same way that whenever you take your car in for service, they always find something extra to fix. "Hey, while I'm replacing your ACL, it looks like you could use some work on that spleen," kinda thing.

DaRooster May 14, 2012 at 11:53 am

"The GOP took control of the House…"

Uh… yeah, control… is that what they're calling it these days?

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

Welcome to the jungle baby
You're gonna die.

SorosBot May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

So now you're the one sticking songs in my head.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

That's a form of skullfucking I am not familiar with…

EatsBabyDingos May 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

There will be an appropriation for one copy of "Chicken Soup for the Lost Soul" that will be passed around the great unwashed and unhealed. It will be purchased from UnitedGlaxoPharmaAMA, and will cost thirteen trillion dollars. And it will be made from the hides of trial lawyers.

mavenmaven May 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

1. Prayer!
2. More unneeded wars to kill off more of our own young who won't then drain the system when they get older.
3. Dismemberment of the FDA, etc, to achieve more of point 2.

starfanglednut May 14, 2012 at 1:03 pm

4. Profit!

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 11:56 am

More faith based healing please. Pray away the cancer! And the herpes!

weejee May 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Clap, clap, clap…

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

Sorry, the clap is punishment for having sex and you must suffer through it and spread it unto as many sluts as you can. It's in the bible, look it up!

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 11:57 am

Abstinence-only maternity care?

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Which brings up one that should also have been on the list: mandatory roofies for all female patients.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Giggity.

ThundercatHo May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

Rmoney knows people who own their own hospitals.

Texan_Bulldog May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

I guess if we all wear the Magic Underwear we will be immune from disease, death & hardship. Looks like it's working pretty well for the Romneys and Osmonds (last I saw, there were about 300 Osmond offspring).

Lascauxcaveman May 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I think you may be erroneously finding causality there. Another thing Romneys and Osmonds have in common (other than the fancy pants) is great huge buckets of money.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

Everyone knows that you can cure anything with a bowl of grandma's chicken soup and rubbing some dirt on it.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

Except glaucoma and the side effects of chemotherapy.

Those require chicken pot pie.

UnholyMoses May 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

Doesn't work so well with Teh Herpes.

Or, uh, so a friend tells me.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 12:15 pm

You're right. To cure the Herp you go kayaking.
http://www.maximumawesome.com/section2/herpelife….

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

I wondered why such a stupid activity was so popular.

IonaTrailer May 14, 2012 at 1:20 pm

6 second rule applies to dropped surgical equipment

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

After that you have to kiss it up to the sky.

JackDempsey1 May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

1. Rename the Mississippi River the New Ganges
2. Allow riverboat casinos to double as floating crematoria.
3. Tax break for whatever.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

I think there is a grand baby-boomer conspiracy to re-introduce the small pox virus in an attempt to kill off the unvaccinated, ie anyone younger than them.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

Under GOP healthcare laws Grey's Anatomy will be required watching in med school. Sure they won't learn anything about healing, but they'll know a lot about sexual healing.

SorosBot May 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

I've never seen the show, but isn't it just doctors sexing each other instead of treating patients?

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

I saw it the first couple of seasons, and yes, it's just doctors having sex. Well, sometimes the doctors get shot and then they have the sex. But you get the point.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:14 pm

As far as I can tell from the commercials for "House", their hospital is run by a scruffy guy yelling at everybody. That doesn't seem like it would cost very much. There are scruffy guys yelling at everybody on every downtown street in most good-sized cities.

chicken_thief May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

The only road to success is paved with complete deregulation of the health care industry – from big Pharma to hospitals.

As for tax cuts – not good enough!! Needz complete and total abolition of all taxes for all corporations and people related to the industry.

Once we get those two things done, America will once again have the greatest health care on earth. Ever.

USA!!! USA!!! USA!!!

edgydrifter May 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm

CAROUSEL!!!

ttommyunger May 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

No one, R or D is willing to speak the unspeakable; no real reform can come about without the elimination of the bloated and inefficient middle-man: the Insurance Companies. National Healthcare can work, but not with money-hungry green shaders calling the shots.

Lascauxcaveman May 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Actually, that's pretty much what every legislator who called for a Public Option was saying. There were a few of them.

ttommyunger May 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Very few, and very unreported.

Lascauxcaveman May 14, 2012 at 2:53 pm

Back when they were bangin' this Obamacare thing together they had no less than forty-one US Senators pushing to get a public option put in it.

Not a terrible start. Of course that's when we had a majority in both houses.

ttommyunger May 14, 2012 at 11:20 pm

Call me a cynic, but I think the fix was in against Pub Opt. from the git-go, Dems & R's.

flamingpdog May 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

Christine O'Donnell doctors.

Blueb4sunrise May 14, 2012 at 12:01 pm

I voted for the 'transvaginal ultrasounds' because…Jobs!!!!!!!!!!
And because I don't have a vagina, alas.

Steverino247 May 14, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Nor do you desire access to one–ever–if you voted for transvaginal ultrasounds.

Blueb4sunrise May 14, 2012 at 1:18 pm

If such things are based on my comments here, I am indeed in big trouble. 'But it was SNARK', will only go so far.

Steverino247 May 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm

Oh, it was snark? OK.

Ladies! Blueb4sunrise is certified Vaginally Safe. Yes, your vagina will be gently used (pre-owned?) and you'll be a better woman for it.

Designer_Rants May 14, 2012 at 10:22 pm

ALEC will figure out some reason why you need to have a TransManginal Ultrasound soon enough, for whatever reason. It's all in the Model Legislation, coming to a statehouse near you.

PeaceWithHonor May 14, 2012 at 12:03 pm

Free knee aspirin

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 12:08 pm

Can't be free. That would make aspirin a gateway drug to moar sexing.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

Also can't be free because teh soshulismz.

Mumbletypeg May 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

These overworked, and BigPharma/ Insurance-battered, practitioners of the health profession are missing the trending wave if they don't recognize one's best bet for area of medicine is veterinary. I hear tell there's a new threat for existing cats and other pets expected to experience all-time record-breaking encounters with a generation of humans extra populated with sadistic, callous-unemotionals. We'll see more outcry for humanist vets to tend to defenseless critters sooner than for better psychotic treatment to committers of indefensible acts.

SayItWithWookies May 14, 2012 at 12:12 pm

The psychopaths will enjoy having a bigger safety net — that'll give them more stuff to cut through to satisfy their curiousity about what it would be like to watch someone go splat.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Not much future in it, after the starving masses have eaten all the dogs and cats.

Callyson May 14, 2012 at 12:04 pm

What Will Be In The New GOP Health Care Reform Plan?

Subsidies for drug companies to lower the cost of the prescription drugs we'll all need if the freaks take even more control of Washington…

flamingpdog May 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Rethugliklans will replace Obamacare with Idon'tcare™.

Generation[redacted] May 14, 2012 at 12:07 pm

The GOP won't be able finalize their reform plan until they finish watching the House marathon. Hopefully by June.

RGHunt57 May 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Free haircuts for gays with gay haircuts!

UnholyMoses May 14, 2012 at 12:11 pm

You forgot "Get sick and die" as an option—that is, after all, the GOP's actual plan.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 12:13 pm

For which I've yet to hear any of the very serious people apologize to Alan Grayson. Haaarumph!

keinsignal May 14, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Except the GOP will call it "FREEDOM!!!! (to get sick and die)"

spends2much May 14, 2012 at 12:16 pm

The house plan will be very comprehensive:

1) Earn enough money to pay doctors millions of dollars should you be weak enough to get sick, though you won't probably, because you are a wicked millionaire.
2) If you fail at #1, pray to Jeebus. White Blonde Supply Side Jeebus.
3) If you fail at #2, please die in a gutter (in a bad neighbourhood, obvs)

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 1:25 pm

2-a) If you are a woman-american, no abortions, no birth control, no health care of any kind, so you can have lots of babbys for cheap labor/cannon fodder/future consumers, but who are little welfare moochers until then — and also, to punish you for being a dirty, dirty whore.

barto May 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

You forgot zygote personhood.

Designer_Rants May 14, 2012 at 10:23 pm

Don't forget miscarriage personhood – You MURDERERS!

Biel_ze_Bubba May 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Maybe they'll outsource the entire health-care industry to Canada. Getting emergency care in Arizona, Florida, and Texas will sort of suck — but I'm OK with that.

calliecallie May 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Get sick and diet, also. Obesity crisis ended.

mrblifil May 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

Free diapers for when you need to show your Domina that you made a nasty.

Slim_Pickins May 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Deregulation, it works for everything else. Why should doctors be licensed anyway? What about freedum? This would allow folk medicine and other traditional therapies. After all if it was good enough for the Founding Fathers, its good enough for us.

ElPinche May 14, 2012 at 12:35 pm
freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm

I checked all of 'em, ElPinche.

Eve8Apples May 14, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Free guns and bullets and a how-to suicide instructional DVD for the poor, the elderly, the sick and the disabled.

PubOption May 14, 2012 at 2:09 pm

I can see the Republicans going for that, just as long as there is no death panel to administer the scheme.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Only homos get sick, so it's okay.

Eve8Apples May 14, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Harvesting internal organs from poor people and donating them to millionaires and billionaires.

tessiee May 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm

On the plus side, they *will* give bigger cages to the pigs.

MadBrahms May 14, 2012 at 2:20 pm

On the downside, new legislation will classify all citizens making less than $200,000 a year as pigs.

TootsStansbury May 14, 2012 at 12:56 pm

Your imaginary surgeon will have steady invisible hands.

owhatever May 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

To cover the cost of minimal medical service offered at the local Christian church (prayer and baptism included), Republicans will eliminate all government assistance to the poor, sick and oldz and give the money to Jamie Dimon to invest. When they die, the Mormons will baptize them again. Win-Win.

Guppy May 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm

You forgot "implementing Sharia Law, under a different name."

Slim_Pickins May 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

Since hospice care is often fatal, we should eliminate it.

randcoolcatdaddy May 14, 2012 at 1:21 pm

"What Will Be In The GOP's Health Care Reform Plan?"

Asking for the birth certificate.

FraAnima May 14, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I would like to have Sandra Oh's nipples included in my health care plan please.

vodkamuppet May 14, 2012 at 2:16 pm

[ ] Needz moar guns

MadBrahms May 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Thank you for letting us choose more than one. It really IS all of them, Katie.

Also, helping the Canadians build a wall to keep the fleeing masses from storming the border.

Fuck Toad May 14, 2012 at 7:17 pm

Upfisted for using the same joke I was going to.

Millennial Malaise May 14, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Don't forget that bake sales and charities will pay for everyone's medical bills also too.

DahBoner May 14, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Tax cuts for Billionaires, which causes them in invest in $500 million dollar Gee Whiz Laser Controlled medical gadgets.

Which insurance companies won't pay a dime more to use on you, so hospitals just raise the price of everything else, which your insurance company won't pay more for either.

Which means YOU pay more for health care….

Equality_Joe May 14, 2012 at 7:44 pm

The main debate is whether to only go with a self-payer system, or to keep the current insurance scheme, but remove the existing pubic options.

Isyaignert May 15, 2012 at 1:50 am

1. Don't get sick
2. If you get sick, die quickly
http://www.congressmanwithguts.com

Isyaignert May 15, 2012 at 1:53 am

Fukkin' RUWANDA has health care for everyone! RU fukkin' WANDA!! And CHINA fukkin' CHINA!!! FUKKK!!!

didgen May 15, 2012 at 6:16 am

I get very irritated when this subject comes up. After working for more than 30 years as an ER, critical care and transplant RN I think I have some insight here. I believe the last number I saw was 39 billion as the amount that hospitals have had to eat for unpaid services. What I did see were the poorest people often illegals bringing in $5 or $10 bucks at the time of service, and quite often continuing to do so until their bill was paid. These dumbasses that don't have any idea of what to do, except repeat we don't want or need healthcare, need to come to work and personally decide who gets help. Ah, perhaps not, they are the ones who show up in the ER for treatment of chapped lips, this person actually came back a week later because the chapstick hadn't helped.

didgen May 15, 2012 at 6:19 am

Please forgive my almost snark free rant.

outragedcitizen May 15, 2012 at 8:38 am

They will not replace ObamaCare with anything. I mean, they have their Government supplied health care for life so why would they give a shit about the rest of the country?

ttommyunger May 15, 2012 at 9:12 am

Lots & lots of prayer, preferably out loud, unintelligible and rolling around on the floor….Lots of rolling around on the floor.

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