GYPSIES TRAMPS AND THIEVES  9:45 am May 14, 2012

Jamie Dimon Doesn’t Need No Regulations, Says Jamie Dimon

by Kris E. Benson

For some reason, we couldn't find the mug shot.Remember that whole thing a few years ago, something about how the banks ruined the housing industry, your employment prospects, your children’s employment prospects, and the entire country, really, and in turn got billions of dollars from the taxpayers and continue to rake enormous bonuses and pretty much set the economic policy of the entire nation? Think hard now — remember that? And remember how basically nothing happened to make sure that banks weren’t too big to fail, and how no one went to jail, and how the bankers kept making lots of money while we all went about trying to restore the pieces of our shattered lives? Do you find it “stunning” that such unaccountability acting in combination with the lack of serious financial regulations has meant that JP Morgan kept screwing around with synthetic credit default swaps and lost about two billion or so dollars?

Because Gretchen Morgenson from the New York Times finds it “stunning” that this atmosphere of lax enforcement has led to JP Morgan head Jamie Dimon acting all “sloppy” and “stupid.”

WHAT goes around comes around. Sometimes it happens sooner than you’d think. That round wheel turned on JPMorgan Chase last week, which disclosed that it had suffered a $2 billion trading loss in credit derivatives. That such a hit had befallen the mightiest of banks was perhaps more stunning than the size of the loss.

Stunning indeed. Who would have thought that “the mightiest of banks” wouldn’t be able to self-regulate? But it’s cool, no need to get upset or try to do something about any of this, there’s this little thing called “karma,” maybe you’ve heard of it?

So where does the karma come in? The loss, and the embarrassment it held for Jamie Dimon, the bank’s imperious chief executive, came just one month after a private dinner party in Dallas at which he assailed two respected public figures who have pushed for policies that would make banks like JPMorgan smaller and less risky. One was Paul Volcker, the former Federal Reserve chairman, whose remedy for risky trading by too-big-to-fail banks is known as the Volcker Rule. The other was Richard W. Fisher, president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Dallas, who has also argued that large institutions should be slimmed down or limited in their risky trading practices.

Yup. Karma is a motherfucker, because now, Jamie Dimon is embarrassed! Sure, he and his buddy John Thune (R-S.D.) have it all under control, but still! That was EMBARASSING! His company that he still gets to be in charge of for some reason lost money and EVERYONE KNOWS, and now that they know, some senators are trying to get him to accept the fact that rules apply to him, which as we all know, they certainly don’t. But back to this “private dinner party,” which this intrepid Times reporter found out about through granting anonymity to an “attendee” who was scared of making the bank mad for some reason:

The party, sponsored by JPMorgan for a group of its wealthy private clients, took place at the sumptuous Mansion on Turtle Creek hotel…During the party, Mr. Dimon took questions from the crowd, according to an attendee who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of alienating the bank. One guest asked about the problem of too-big-to-fail banks and the arguments made by Mr. Volcker and Mr. Fisher.

Mr. Dimon responded that he had just two words to describe them: “infantile” and “nonfactual.”

Hear that? First of all, you are liar liar pants on fire. And second of all, Jamie Dimon doesn’t need nobody telling him to “slim down,” no way José! If he wants to engage in “risky trading practices” that put taxpayer money and the health of the entire economy at risk, that’s HIS business because this is AMERICA and we believe in FREEDOM. Also, his bank came out of the credit crisis as “one of the relatively healthy big banks”(thanks to a taxpayer gift of around $ 12 billion dollars but who’s counting?) so while the government is under his roof, it will play by HIS RULES, missy.

AS overseer of the bank that emerged in the best shape from the credit crisis, Mr. Dimon has gained in stature in recent years. Hailed for his management skill, he has also become the financial industry’s point man in the war against tighter regulation of derivatives and proprietary trading. Almost since the financial crisis began, JPMorgan Chase and its legion of lobbyists have swarmed lawmakers and regulators in an effort to beat back efforts to bring transparency to derivatives and to separate risk-taking activities like proprietary trading from commercial lending units.

JPMorgan has not been alone in these efforts. But it has had more clout because of its position as the grown-up in the financial industry’s playground.

Hear that guys? These are the GROWNUPS in the discussion. Let that sink in. Anyway, your job? Your kids’ jobs? Your kids’ education? Your house? The things that tie all those things together? Pfft, whatever bro, chill out. Freedom.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 147 comments }

Barb May 14, 2012 at 9:47 am

I could just see Mitt's car pulling up to the Occupy Wall Street camps with Jamie Dimon sitting in the car with him and asking, " "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?"

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

They'd find someone to crap on a cracker and hand it to him, saying "Here's yer gray poop on."

Callyson May 14, 2012 at 12:22 pm

I sincerely hope they reply by tossing Mittens a nickel and yelling "Get a job!"

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 2:04 am

I hope this dream ends with said car turned upside down…

BaldarTFlagass May 14, 2012 at 9:49 am

What a prick.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 9:51 am

If by "stunning" you mean the country is totally "fucked" with these assholes running things, then, yeah.

mrpuma2u May 14, 2012 at 10:32 am

Hey, it's not a fancy million dollar minimun Roulette table, it's the derivatives market. They know what they're doing. They lost that 2 billion as uh, research, yeah, that's it.

Numbat_Dundee May 14, 2012 at 9:52 am

I was going to post something witty and pithy. But all I can think about is a lampost and the sturdy entrails of a Republican politician. They do these things better in Greece.

Boojum May 14, 2012 at 9:54 am

OT.

You know what I miss? Troll wars. The unbridled electronic aggression, the constant browser refreshing, the fap, fap, fap of four finger typing.

I blame Obama.

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 10:00 am

Where's the army of Paultards?

Boojum May 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

I think they are all busy trying to get Dr. Paul elected High Sheriff.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

Y'know, it's been really quiet all around Blogtopia (© Skippy the Bush Kangaroo). I wonder where they all went? You'd think an incumbent with 8% unemployment and approval ratings barely above 50% would have them out of the woodwork like termites on plastic.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

The Breitbarters got a new commenting system. I've noticed that there are still a few Cheeto-dusted losers following me on Intense Debate, but it seems that they don't care enough to drop by. There is that guy that trolls the Facebook page.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 9:55 am

Yes, karma. Dimon loses $2 billion, and the next time he jets down to some exotic, exclusive, hidden island resort, and walks down to the pool, gets his tumbler of single-malt, and checks out the sleek, beautiful, expensive people all around him, someone will come up to him and say, "Really, Dimon. $2 billion." And a few heads will turn and look at him. And then the guy will slap him on the back, and say, "Haha. That's a hell of gamble. You've got balls for sure."

Karma's a bitch.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:16 am

Actually, since many of those around him would be clients of the former JP Morgan bank (which prided itself on its risk management for the wealthier customer), I don't think he'll be showing his face much around those parties.

That's their money he lost.

el_donaldo May 14, 2012 at 10:42 am

May be. But it sounds like the clients at the party described in the post were more the "can I fetch you another cocktail, sir" than the doing the right thing by throwing him into the pool after stuffing his ass with the tiki torches.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:50 am

Prior to this weekend's revelations, we should note. Back then, he had only successfully arbitraged the Bear Stearns deal paying $10 per share with a $30 billion loan guarantee from the Fed.

BerkeleyBear May 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

Like Dimon goes to resorts where anyone can actually see him and make even mildly disparaging comments. Events like the one in the story are slumming for assholes like him – when he goes on vacation (which he probably rarely does, if he's the kind of jerk I think he is) it is to a compound he owns and/or borrows, and the help is assumed to be illiterate (but may well spit in his food if they think they can get away with it).

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:08 am

For some reason, one that I can't seem to verify, I have this image of him in Southampton for the summers. Maybe I met him at the annual book fair or something, I can't recall.

He's very connected to the Obama administration. He was, in fact, higher up on the list of candidates for Treasury than Geithner.

Tommy1733 May 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

You are making me feel so sad for him. The poor poor man. I think I will send him some chockies.

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 9:55 am

Hey regulators! Leave those banks alone!
All in all, Dimon's just another prick on Wall St.

chascates May 14, 2012 at 9:56 am

Mistakes were made. And will be re-made.

littlebigdaddy May 14, 2012 at 9:56 am

Credit default swaps are the STDs of the financial industry and Jamie "Diamond" Dimon is a vector.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 9:56 am

And thanks to our corporate media, we get this fucker weaseling around in his own excrement with David Gregory enabling him; instead of..I don't know, a fucking Democrat who pushed for regulating these turds? Sheesh!

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

Of course. You scratch my back (with a powderpuff interview), I'll scratch yours (commercials) and the rest of you miserable whiney 99% fucks can go fuck yourselves.

wondering where i am May 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

Goo goo gaw gaw. Who's infantile now, Jamie? Paul Volcker should put him under his big foot and crush him like a bug.

JackDempsey1 May 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

What is the date on the Dimon/Empire State Building pic from the Fortune mag cover?

I find it odd that an industry titan would want to be photographed with something as impermanent as an NYC skyscraper.

FakaktaSouth May 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

I saw him on the Terrible David Gregory Podcast (Meet the Impressed or whatever) so I didn't have to watch commercials. He said he is still barely a Democrat and agrees with at least 70% of Dodd Frank, so I was listening… THEN he turns around and says all that stupid stuff about MASSIVE HISTORIC regs by this admin, which I saw on the Rachel Maddow show is complete BULLSHIT – the number of regs put in place being less for PresO at this point than W's was, and so forth. David "Abominable Snowman" Gregory did not tell him he was wrong and I got all mad because even I know this stuff and this Mr DImon guy is supposed to get to have an important opinion on things and he is basing his opinions on LIES. Someone should inform these people of facts before they start talking and having influence on people making laws. Also, yes, I watch a lot of TV.

OH, and if you can't even SAY what you've done outloud (Mistakes were made. We made mistakes. – NOT real specific on the specifics, eh?) for fear of people figuring out how fucked up and unregulated you are – you are still kind of showing how fucked up and unregulated you are.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:17 am

Press the Meat, you mean.

KennyFuckingPowers May 14, 2012 at 9:58 am

That too rich to fuck up attitude will fail, Dickhead!

Goonemeritus May 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

Everything I know about banking I learned from watching Mary Poppins. This story must be wrong how could those responsible sober bankers ever be irresponsible with other people’s money?

ManchuCandidate May 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Sadly, the dancing cartoon penguins and a flying nanny are more realistic than bankers actually self regulating.

BerkeleyBear May 14, 2012 at 10:47 am

Well, there was that one moment of clarity where JP himself felt scared enough to lock his colleagues in the room until they agreed to quit inciting panics and such – but they all got better soon enough.

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Unlike those irresponsible hippies who want to feed pigeons – at tuppence a bag, that can really add up fast.

Chow Yun Flat May 14, 2012 at 10:02 am

Jamie Dimon is the smartest guy in the room…and empty room.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:45 am

What does it say about Wall Street that JP Morgan Chase is one of the last huge investment banks standing, and this guy rose to the top of that company?

If he's the best and the brightest, Lord help us from the worst!

Pragmatist2 May 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Of course he needs no regulation!!!!
Do sharks need "regulation"???
Do lions need "regulation"????
How about cockroaches? Nope. Unregulated.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

The sad part is credit default swaps are a useful instrument to reduce risk when traded properly. That means insuring yourself against the default risk of bonds that you actually own, similar to auto insurance. But of course you get douchebags who don't own the underlying instrument and just by the insurance, similar to buying auto insurance on your neighbor's flashy car when you know he's a drunken fool and that flashy car is destined to hug a telephone pole in the near future.

Hey Jamie, if I can't buy auto insurance on my drunken neighbor's car, why the fuck can you buy insurance on a bond you don't own????

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

"similar to buying auto insurance on your neighbor's flashy car"

Or like Wal-Mart taking out life insurance policies on their employees.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

Wal-Mart is extra smart with their douchebagness. Not everyone wrecks their car so buying car insurance may never pay. But everyone does die! Yay.

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

Why not eliminate all derivatives? Stocks shares only; not options (puts and especially calls), not futures on options, no indexes on futures of options and so on. And why, during the administration that claimed they were Monetarists (Reagan), did most of these 'hedges' come into existence?

I hated Milton Friedman in the '80s, now I totally dread that the actual bank reserve rate in the US is about 0.9 per cent AND nobody even cares enough to make it a statistic you can find on http://www.federalreserve.gov/ without calculating it from the current version of 'the window rate'.

I am old.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

Ah, but you can take out a life insurance policy on the same drunk driver!

Companies do this all the time on their workers. It's called "Dead Peasant" insurance.

johnnyzhivago May 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Losing $2 billion here or there eventually is going to add up to some real money.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:46 am

I owe you a JINX! Sorry…

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 10:03 am

Scam on, you crazy Dimon.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

How I wish…how I wish he were here

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

I propose rearraging him, 'til he's sane.

HarryButtle May 14, 2012 at 4:22 pm

I recommend shoving his head in a fishbowl.

not that Radio May 15, 2012 at 8:35 am

I'm still laughing about this comment, a day later. Fucker.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 15, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Har! Yours was far better, seeing as how it included that most valuable of Wonkette commodities, a pune or play on words, which is worth its weight in Whore Dimons.

not that Radio May 15, 2012 at 11:03 pm

Yeah, but yours was drier. That always trumps.

Anyway, Straight Dope Commenter Peanuthead for the win:

I myself would pronounce it ala Peter Sellers. "Where is your pyuhn?" or something like that.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

"2 billion dollar failscapades are people."

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:05 am

So when do we find out the $2B was JPMorgan's or the invester's or the government's.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:47 am

If it's profit, it belongs to JP Morgan.

If it's a loss, it belongs to all of us.

Wall Street is nothing if not fair.

Chow Yun Flat May 14, 2012 at 10:07 am

The Feds supply liquidity to JP Morgan through the Federal Reserve and insure the deposits of its customers through the FDIC. But they should never be allowed to regulate JPM because that would be socialism.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 10:07 am

General "Buck" Turgidson: Ahem… The Duty Officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact that he *had* issued the go code, and he said, uh, "Yes gentlemen, they are on their way in, and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country, and our way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them. Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed by Red retaliation. Uh, my boys will give you the best kind of start, 1400 megatons worth, and you sure as hell won't stop them now, uhuh. God bless you all" and he hung up.
[beat]

President Merkin Muffley: General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was *no* possibility of such a thing *ever* occurring!

General "Buck" Turgidson: Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

——————————————————————————–

Dudleydidwrong May 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

"These are the GROWNUPS in the discussion." Ha! No "grownups" here–just little Jamie, playing in his sandbox with other kids' toys. Smash 'em? Step on 'em? Throw 'em away? Lose 'em? No big deal. Because I'm little Jamie Dimon and I play with what I want and you can't stop me so nah, nah, nah.

Fucking asshole.

DerrickWildcat May 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

I think people that become bankers do it because they really really really love money.

Boojum May 14, 2012 at 10:08 am

We don't need no regulation,
We don't need no bank control,
No anti-trust or cap protection,
Congress leave these thieves alone!

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

All in all, we're all just pricks in the ho

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 14, 2012 at 10:59 am

if you don't eat federal bailouts, you can't have big fat bonuses.

mavenmaven May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

They are immune to criticism because they are the job makers. In this case, prison job makers.

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

You see – tenderhearted Jamie Dimon was already expressing his hurt feelings about how mean people have been toward bankers. And here you go making it even worse. Those poor capitalist oligarchs – perhaps if we funded another bailout with our tax dollars it would soothe their hurt feelings.

DaRooster May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

"DAMONE'S DIMON'S A PRICK!!"

RIDGEMONT HIGH RULES!!

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

We should pity Jamie Dimon. In a perfect world, he'd be serving fries at Burger King, since he's useless for anything else.

Guppy May 14, 2012 at 10:25 am

-2 billion served

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 10:11 am

I love that the librul media is scooping up this whole "lost" euphemism/talking point that the banksters are shoveling out. The $2B is not "lost". Sure, it's no longer in those particular suckers' accounts, but it's not "lost". It went somewhere. Good job ferreting out those details, NYTimes reporters!

I guess as long as we still get to read about a catfight at a tony dinner party, everything is right with the universe.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

That $2,000,000,000 is around here someplace. Like when President George Bush was crawling around the Oval Office, looking for WMD under his desk.

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 11:58 am

This $2B was in your daddy’s portfolio when he was embarrassed at a dinner party in Turtle Creek. He was captured, put in a NY Times gossip piece. He knew that if the proles ever saw the $2B, they’d confiscate it, take it away. The way your dad looked at it, this $2B was your birthright. He’d be damned if any prole’s gonna’ put his greasy hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it, in one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years he invested this $2B, up his ass.

fartknocker May 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

This started 20-years ago when pseudo economist Senator Phil Gramm and his lovely wife (also an economist) wrote legislation rescinding the Glass-Stegall Act, which was written after the 1930s Depression to separate investment banks from conventional banks. Mrs. Gramm worked for AIG, and we see how well they served the banks and consumers. Phil also touted the mantra of self-regulation, which is utter bullshit.

Eric Holder should be serving warrants on every one of these bank executives, seizing passports, and deploying the forensic accountants to start building some fraud cases. I also support SEC fees on derivative trading transactions so that SEC can step up audits and enforcement. This “too big to fail” mantra is just another talking point. Watch closely folks, because I suspect the WSJ will announce layoffs of a few hundred folks at J.P. Morgan on page B4 in the coming weeks.

Mumbletypeg May 14, 2012 at 10:47 am

Since we're reaching back in time — I've been rereading this bit thinkprogress published 3 or so years back — a side-by-side comparison of blurbs showcasing the contrast between Hank Paulson's prognosis for the soon-to-be-capsized economy, and Geithner's.
I don't pretend to know jack about how the economy works, but I find their splintered perspectives interesting to review… if not frustrating… hindsight=20/20 and all really is useless patchy wisdom when what's at stake is this many millions of households' welfare & income viability.

spareme May 14, 2012 at 12:05 pm

Ou sont les savings and loans d'antan?

Chow Yun Flat May 14, 2012 at 10:14 am

JPM will announce that the $2 billion was actually money left over from the Bush/Paulson bailout in keeping with the policy of privatizing profits and socializing risk.

DaRooster May 14, 2012 at 10:15 am

" Dimon took questions from the crowd, according to an attendee who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of alienating being snuffed by the bank."

(fixed)

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

Why it seems only yesterday that we were talking about psychopaths.

freakishlywrong May 14, 2012 at 10:21 am

Because it was.

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 10:20 am

OT – has anyone seen Lizzie lately? Maybe she's busy or maybe my reading skills suck.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 10:23 am

Why do I keep imagining what his head would look like on the end of a pole?

unclejeems May 14, 2012 at 2:50 pm

It would sparkle like a Dimon.

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 2:12 am

WIN

NorbertsRevenge May 14, 2012 at 10:24 am

…having…trouble…obeying…rules…for…commenting…

Chow Yun Flat May 14, 2012 at 10:26 am

You would almost think that an interlocking network of financial institutions whose leverage is in the 50x range and which control the world's economy isn't the best way to do things.

BigSkullF*ckingDog May 14, 2012 at 10:28 am

Oh no, he lost 2 billion dollars. Now we will all have to start lighting our cigars with 20's instead of $100 bills.

Douché May 14, 2012 at 10:30 am

Brother can you spare a billion?

subsum May 14, 2012 at 10:34 am

Yeah! Freedom, baby!

Arishii May 14, 2012 at 10:35 am

I'm starting to think they do this on purpose.

AddHomonym May 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

The top headline on teh POLITICO right now is "Obama's Wall Street problem." Of course.

BarackMyWorld May 14, 2012 at 10:36 am

The only thing stopping me from grabbing a pitchfork is I'm waiting for them to go on sale.

HistoriCat May 14, 2012 at 12:10 pm

Keep this handy for later reference.

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

Somebody should drop a dime on this guy.
Somebody should drop $2B in dimes on this guy.

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 10:46 am

That's only 20B dimes. Is it enough?

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

At 2.2668 grams for a Roosevelt dime it comes to over 30,000 tons.

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 11:10 am

Sure, that's a lot…but is it enough?

dijetlo May 14, 2012 at 11:15 am

Nuke him from orbit….it's the only way to be sure.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:48 am

I'd settle for a sock full of pennies from a very great height, like the top of that building behind him.

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

Don't forget to calculate for wind drift and magnetic deviation.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

I figure if I get it within a few feet, the shrapnel will at least cut him, and since copper is poisonous when it comes in contact with human blood (it creates cupric acid) I have a little leeway.

Not that I, you know, would not want him to immediately become well again, and walk away unscathed. Anything other than that would be wrong. Of course.

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

Now you get all sciency on me and I’m (unsuccessfully) trying to remember if there is any nickel in dimes or else the magnetic deviation calculation is a waste of time.

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 10:54 am

Homer:Can you swing a sack of doorknobs?

Jimbo: Can I!

Homer: You're in. Here's the sack.

Moe: But you gotta supply your own knobs.

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:42 am

"[She] Had a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes,
"She sat around and counted them all a million times."

~ Minnie the Moocher

nonbeliever7 May 14, 2012 at 10:37 am

I'll bet you $10,000 that Jamie doesn't really feel embarrassed.

PubOption May 14, 2012 at 10:52 am

If Morgan Chase managed to make 2 billion through dodgy trading, nobody would hear about it, until management bonuses were announced. So the bankers either have to deal with the screaming pitchfork-wielding mob now, or at the end of the year.

James Michael Curley May 14, 2012 at 10:56 am

Opened my email, my Chase Freedom Visa Card rates are going up. Some one's getting a new credit card company today.

BarackMyWorld May 14, 2012 at 10:58 am

Obviously Romney's right: what's holding this economy back is too much regulation!

not that Radio May 14, 2012 at 10:59 am

Fifteen years ago, a half-dozen houses stuck here and there. There's the old cemetery, squirrels, buttercups, daisies. Dozens of the prettiest little homes you ever saw. Ninety per cent owned by suckers who used to invest with you. …. And are the local yokels making with those David and Goliath wisecracks!

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 14, 2012 at 11:01 am

punishment = bonus reduced to $15 gazillion. an no ice cream after dinner.

PubOption May 14, 2012 at 1:52 pm

No, if his bonus is reduced he can no longer be considered a job creator – think of all the strippers, prostitutes and drug dealers who will lose their jobs.

GeneralLerong May 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

Meanwhile, our House Republicans

ride to Jamie's rescue

Four hundred people hold the rest of us in contempt. We must tax them. Into trailers. Next to toxic waste dumps.

V572 Is this him? May 14, 2012 at 11:13 am

Saw this dude with his irritating New-Yawk accent on "MTP" yesterday and was amazed that Karl Rove's favorite backup dancer didn't ask him even once to explain the nature of the trade or hedge or whatever the deal was, what was traded, what the upside would've been, etc. Gregory just sat and winked at him as he bleated his pro forma mea culpas.

In any case, what bankers really want to talk about is the economy, and how we can get rid of job-killing Obamacare and get the economy going again with fewer regulations.

MissNancyPriss May 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

Yeah, saw that, too. Wanted to rip both sets of throats open.

V572 Is this him? May 14, 2012 at 11:32 am

Glad to hear this morning that JP fixed their error by firing a woman. Problem solved!

MissNancyPriss May 14, 2012 at 11:16 am

He's not embarrassed.

dijetlo May 14, 2012 at 11:17 am

Meh…as anybody who's ever worked a three card monte game will tell you, the house has to loose every now and again or the rubes drop wise….

SayItWithWookies May 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

I'm sure Jamie Dimon's sorry he lost two billion dollars. But I'm sure the $20 million commission took a little of the sting out of it.

Sir_Fartz_Alot May 14, 2012 at 11:24 am

i wonder if those were all gay dollars

Ducksworthy May 14, 2012 at 11:26 am

Look, the only thing for us to do is to tighten our belts, give up such frivolities as health care, education, decent roads, Medicare and Social Security, and make sure Jamie Diamond gets his billions in bonuses, cause he so clearly deserves them.

rickmaci May 14, 2012 at 11:37 am

Looks like these f* ing Wall Street wussies are all set to blame it all on a girl.

"NEW YORK (AP) – The chief investment officer at JPMorgan Chase, one of the highest-ranking women on Wall Street, will retire, the company said Monday. She becomes the first casualty of the bank's $2 billion trading blunder.

The bank said Ina Drew, 55, would retire after more than 30 years with the company."

Tundra Grifter May 14, 2012 at 11:38 am

Every borrower who has tried to modify or otherwise renegotiate a residential or commercial loan with Chase will be dancing on its grave.

Two billion here, two billion there – pretty soon you're talking about real money.

hagajim May 14, 2012 at 11:54 am

Hailed for his management skill

Yeah Jamie – that's some fine management skillz you got going. Did you go to the W. Bush School of Management?

ttommyunger May 14, 2012 at 12:17 pm

"…Toughest Guy on Wall Street." Right, if by toughest, you mean shapeless pussyfart who's never been hit in the face hard. I'd dearly love to change that forever.

Callyson May 14, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Mr. Dimon responded that he had just two words to describe them: “infantile” and “nonfactual.”

Funny, those are the same two words I would use to describe the titans of Wall Street…

…oh, how could I forget to add two more words: greedy bastards…

OurHoboSenator May 14, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Well, I now I see why Chase HAD to discontinue my debit card rewards. Because it's a grown-up.

owhatever May 14, 2012 at 12:46 pm

After all of his suffering, Mister Dimon deserves a big, huge, enormo-gigantic salary increase, bonus and stock options.

notanncoulter May 14, 2012 at 12:52 pm

Needs.
Moar.
Condescending Arrogance.

randcoolcatdaddy May 14, 2012 at 1:27 pm

I find this post rather difficult to snark to since it brings to mind pitchforks, torches, and stoning.

MadBrahms May 14, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Grownups on the playground are the worst, stealing all the swings and getting stuck in front of you on the slide…

And now that he's fallen off the jungle gym, he's crying because he skinned his knee on all that pesky government overregulation. What a jerk!

DahBoner May 14, 2012 at 6:17 pm

Basically The Teatard worldview boils down to this: when people get together to form GOVERNMENT, it can only fuck things up, badly and inefficiently.

But when people get together to form CORPORATIONS, things can only turn out swell, no need to regulate these fuckers, they won't do anything to harm other people to make a PROFIT, right?

They actually believe this horseshit…

Negropolis May 15, 2012 at 1:57 am

Jamie would have been better off not saying a damned thing. To see Whore Dimon's grinning mug plastered across my television for the past few days has sent me into near-rages.

I hope that after the election, something will be done. Something done quickly and without warning so that they'll have no time to derail it. The adminiistration needs to swoop in, break up the beast, and throw Dimon out on his ass…if for no other reason than to make an example of someone arrogant enough to believe that he can land on the sun.

Sorry, but these guys are traitors. They will bring this country to its knees if it means that they get what they want. Their allegiance is only to money and the chase of it.

MissTaken May 14, 2012 at 10:10 am

The nice part is one of the few women who hold a high level position at a Wall Street bank (Ina Drew) is one of the first three people getting canned for this. Because of course it was a stupid girl with her lack of money control that caused this mess. http://www.forbes.com/sites/halahtouryalai/2012/0

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:12 am

I bet she bought a lot of shoes, too.

Chichikovovich May 14, 2012 at 10:19 am

Trading is a shockingly sexist environment and most of the traders I've known (all male, of course) are neanderthals on the subject of women. Not going to deny that for a minute. But my outrage at Drew's firing is somewhat tempered by these words (especially because her severance package will no doubt be more than 10 or 20 times what both of my parents earned in their entire working lifetimes):

Last week was a rough one for Drew who oversaw the unit responsible for the$2 billion trading loss. Drew is among the highest paid execs at JPM. In 2011 her pay package was roughly $15 million.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 10:32 am

But no one could forsee she'd be a problem at managing risk….

Ina R. Drew loves crises. Her eyes light up at the mention of last summer's European currency free-for-all and she breaks into a grin when talking about the 1987 stock market crash.

"Crises make markets volatile, increase the flow of funds and provide us with more information," she says.

As the manager of Chemical Bank's consolidated domestic interest rate risk, Ms. Drew tends a $ 19 billion investment portfolio and a total of $ 50 billion of the bank's assets. She oversees all of Chemical's trading in the domestic fixed-income securities and derivatives markets. Her division funds the bank's loans and deposits, making sure it has appropriate liquidity and insulating it from rate shifts. On her watch, trading also has become increasingly important to Chemical as a profit center.

BerkeleyBear May 14, 2012 at 10:38 am

Risk manager – I used to think I knew what that term meant. Apparently, though, it means managing the risk like a fighter, making it so big and strong that it can crush all comers, rather than limiting the harm it does. You learn something new every day.

actor212 May 14, 2012 at 11:04 am

My suspicion is she never lasted long enough at any one position to suffer the consequences of her schemes until now, when it was way too late and she was in way over her head. So long as she kept returns above a minimal return, she was going to keep getting promoted.

I know too many people who've danced up the corporate ladder like this, rising to their Peter Principle position.

Dashboard Buddha May 14, 2012 at 11:19 am

I like the cut of your jib.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 15, 2012 at 11:23 pm

I'm just surprised that it took until the end of the thread yesterday (see Negropolis's post) for anyone to come up with Whore Dimons, which I intend to slap down immediately whenever the next JP Morgan thread rolls out.

not that Radio May 15, 2012 at 11:29 pm

I guess we're just getting old. And Owls is no longer giving us daily reminders to "keep the old memes alive".

radio-of-owls May 15, 2012 at 11:43 pm

Custerwolf's taken much of the fun out of that, the feckin' Sombrero Azul.

La Banda Que Manda!

not that Radio May 16, 2012 at 8:17 am

Meh. It's getting to be less of a problem, these days. Easy enough to ignore. Speaking of which, where's Extemporanus?

not that Radio May 16, 2012 at 8:17 am

Meh. It's getting to be less of a problem, these days. Easy enough to ignore. Speaking of which, where's Extemporanus?

not that Radio May 24, 2012 at 10:31 pm

It's getting to be like Invasion of the Body Snatchers in here.

radio-of-owls May 17, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Plotting, I hope.

not that Radio May 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Actually, he was just here yesterday. From my mouth to God's Anus.

radio-of-owls May 17, 2012 at 6:08 pm

God doesn't make poop so he has no anus. The Holy Ghost got stuck with all the excreta stuff. That's why nobody talks about him much.

On another note, I think God's lawyers are putting together an infringement suit against Ke$ha. I mean really, just changing the pronouns? She's screwed.

not that Radio May 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm

Changing from the 1st person singular pronoun to the 1st person plural pronoun is exactly the kind of collectivized socialism that Ayn Rand warned us about in Anthem. Kei$ha is obviously a communist plant, sent here by Satan to make us all get along and live in happy collectivism.

not that Radio May 17, 2012 at 6:20 pm

BTW — did you see CapnFatback's shout-out last weekend? Truly Marvelous.

not that Radio May 17, 2012 at 6:21 pm

God doesn't make poop so he has no anus.

Oh yeah?!? Well then how do you explain Fuddrucker's? Huh?

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