unfit at any speed

Fox News Worries About Extinction (Its Own)

Add to Flipboard Magazine.

I eat Japanese babies.

As Rupert Murdoch’s News International (UK subsidiary of American company News Corp) saga continues in Blimeyland, Americans may not give two faggots about it. But there’s an eentsy beentsy spider of a chance that if Murdoch’s media ship sinks, Fox News might eventually be the last ones on deck singing Nearer My God To Thee. So, listen up while we drop some knowledge.

A British parliamentary committee report released recently, based on the results of the ongoing Leveson inquiry, has already deemed Murdoch “not a fit person” to run an international company. These happen to be the exact words used in the British Broadcast Act as a reason for someone to be denied a broadcast TV license. While the report doesn’t result in any jail time for Murdoch, it kills Murdoch’s chances at grabbing full ownership of SkyTV (British cable news company) and/or he could lose all 39% of his existing shares. Couldn’t happen to a more horrible guy!

Meanwhile, across the pond in ye olde colonies, three US civil cases were filed against News Corp for phone hacking and Democrat John D. Rockefeller wrote a letter to Lord Leveson, asking him to send over the deets on Murdoch for a US investigation. At the same time, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) jumped on the fitness bandwagon to call upon the FCC, Congress, the FBI, the Justice Department and Smokey the Bear to revoke Murdoch’s broadcast licenses in the US. (Petition)

The civil cases have a good chance of getting payoffs from News Corp (based on the millions that have already been paid out to several UK victims) but unfortunately, there’s not much of a chance CREW will be successful, since FCC rules were “relaxed” during the Reign of Reagan in order to make it possible for GE to buy NBC and RCA. GE had many fraud convictions as a company, which would have precluded them from owning a broadcast company, but the FCC rule was changed to say that licenses would be revoked or not granted only if individual owners of the company were convicted of a felony.

So, if CREW wants Murdoch’s empire to go down using the FCC fitness standard, they need to get him convicted of a felony. Plus, Murdoch is no stranger to the FCC. He manipulated them, along with his arch nemesis Ted Kennedy, way back in the early ’90s.

But don’t despair, fine Wonkaderos. London Metropolitan Police Deputy Assistant Commissioner Sue Akers, who is heading up the criminal investigation of Murdoch’s papers, said that there is no doubt that hundreds of thousands of dollars have been paid in illegal bribes to government officials and they had been authorized “at a very senior level within the newspaper.”

The US Justice Department has also launched an investigation into News Corp for violations of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (US companies are not allowed to bribe anybody while doing business overseas) and the FBI is investigating allegations that News Corp hacked into 9/11 victims’ cell phones.

So maybe, just maybe, if all that ballast lands on Murdoch’s Love Boat at one time, it will be enough to sink the shit ship forever. We just want Shep to make it onto the life boat. Recently, there’s been a glimmer of hope for his redemption.

Meanwhile, Fox News, perhaps in an unconscious premonition of “things to come,” continues to deliver its finest in newsy end-of-the-world articles and associated advertising on today’s home page.

Sponsored Intermission

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About the author

Writer, teacher, traveler. Arizona girl living in Paris.

View all articles by Lisa Wines

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • Veritas78

    I love these "feel good" stories!

    • criminogenic

      lool, brightened my morning.

    • Callyson

      Yes, I'll be able to drink a little less tonight as a result of this good news. My liver thanks Wonkette…

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      It sure made ME feel good.

  • chascates

    I'd pay big money to go to a museum to see the fossilized remains of Roger Ailes, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Do you really think they'd last very long, what with Wonkerdos pissing on them every day?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        I see I am among the like-minded, as if I could have doubted it for a minute. I'll bring beer.

        • HogeyeGrex

          Hold up a sec. I'll grill some asparagus.

          • flamingpdog

            Don't forget the fresh fetus-filled falafels!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            (Grinds fresh fetii)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            (Fires up grill)

    • C_R_Eature

      I'd pay big money for the privilege of setting it on fire.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        That would probably discourage the Wonkerdos from pissing on them.

        • C_R_Eature

          Well, I'd wait 'till they're done of course!

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            Ah. Well. In THAT case (drinks up, loosens pants in preparation)

        • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

          I dunno — I enjoy putting out fires by pissing on them if I've had enough to drink.

          • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

            The alcohol content makes the flames burst higher? Like cherries jubilee?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          Well, once you've started, it's kinda hard to stop, Biely.

          Unless, of course, YOU were to put in an appearance. I reckon that would stop the worst of us in mid-stream.

    • Negropolis

      I'd pay good money to use their corpses as chum for Indian Ocean shark-seeing.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        You'd get a better view if you tossed them in a big glass tank with hundreds of really small, but really hungry piranhas.

        It'd make a great reality-TV show. FOX should option this.

        • 12X34X

          I think you should submit this in an outline for a reality show to Rupert Murdoch and see what happens. Definitely.

    • sati_demise

      At least McCarthy had the excuse that he was drunk all the time, 24/7

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      I'd pay big money AFTERWARDS. After my arrest and conviction for pissing all over their fossil bits.

    • HogeyeGrex

      Preferably, like, tomorrow?

  • Mort_Sinclair

    Oh, okay. But consider this: don't you think that's a lovely shade of lipstick he's wearing in that photo? Me must have.

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      That's not lipstick…

    • Boojum

      It's "Blood of Infants" red.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Or it's carbon monoxide. Has Wendy "fixed up" his limo?

        • glasspusher

          Makes for a nice, ruddy stiff, doesn't it?

        • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

          It does have that cherry tinge, doesn't it?

    • aussiefromafar

      I read somewhere once that a man's lip colour is an indication of the colour of his privates. What a thought that photo inspires.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Maybe, but I'm pretty sure the "stiff upper lip" doesn't indicate much.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Dear god, what a thought.

    • June_Cleaver2.0

      You can put lipstick on a pig, but… you know….

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Not THIS pig?

    • mwittier

      It matches the various melanomas nicely.

      Wouldn't you think a man with his money could afford eyeglass frames that didn't dig into the rotting flesh at his temples? Also, they look like he sat on them; bent and askew.

  • el_donaldo

    The End-Time is here? We just had a GOP primary run in which Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Michele Bachmann, and Herman Cain were all at one point serious contenders. It can't come fast enough.

    • Callyson

      It can't come fast enough.

      Can…not…resist…

      That's what Wendy Deng Murdoch said…

      • C_R_Eature

        Cialis is a helluva drug.

        • flamingpdog

          What does Rupert Murdoch get when he takes Cialis?
          Taller.

          • C_R_Eature

            If Wendi Deng Murdoch had hemorrhoid surgery, Rupert would disappear.

          • flamingpdog

            ♫ Wendi's moon hits his fly like a big hairy pie,
            That's amore aMurdoch. ♫

          • C_R_Eature

            "Hairy Pie"? What about the Waxing?

            Wax on, Wax off!

          • HogeyeGrex

            I can't wax off to this.

          • el_donaldo

            Somewhere in all of this is a really great P-E-N-I-S in the intestines joke but I'm a little too buzzed to find it.

          • C_R_Eature

            ♫ Penis in Intestines
            I know, I know,
            It's Serious. ♫

            That's not good, but It's all I can muster right now.

          • George Spelvin

            Oh, hahahaha.

            Thanks for that

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        You didn't resist very well, dear.

  • PuckStopsHere

    I fail to see why what is going on is such a big deal. Everybody who works for Faux News is a hack. I always took it to be a point of pride on their part.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And they call it Supreme Court-sanctioned "entertainment."

  • Reginald_Perrin

    That's not lipstick, it's proof positive that Murdock is indeed a blood sucking vampire

  • Steverino247

    "I'd pay big money to go to a museum to see the fossilized remains of Roger Ailes, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly."

    I'd pay good money to be the guy responsible for there being remains of Roger Ailes, Sean Hannity, and Bill O'Reilly. Although, there being no remains makes it easier, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

    • Callyson

      I'll chip in.

      (Good to meet you last night BTW!)

      • Steverino247

        Thanks. Nice to meet you, too. That was fun. There should be a way to do that more often…

    • Wile E. Quixote

      But only with votes right? Votes and surveyor's marks.

      • Boojum

        And moral dilemmas.

  • Blendergoathead

    Whatever, all they have to do is hire a new PR firm, create a new name and everything will continue as before – worked for Phillip Morris and Blackwater, why wouldn't it work for them?

    • Geminisunmars

      How about "Murky News"? Then the name would reflect the content. And owner.

    • NotGodot

      Because believe it or not, Media's actually more regulated than Tobacco or Mercenary Contracting. See if Murdoch's operations have to be licensed. This is grounds to refuse future licenses or rescind the ones that exist. Leveson's findings and Watson's report will be hanging over his head, no matter what "brand" he's using. It's not public opinion he's hiding from, as with Phillip Morris and Blackwater, it's the findings of Bureaucrats in London and DC.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      The resuscitators like those non-word words (e.g. USX, and Xe). Maybe the nu-FOX could be spelled backwards: Xof (because those oil guys have done so well with X-on).

  • joeytranchina

    Well researched, clearly conceived and entertainingly written, what more could a reader ask other than a felony conviction.

    How about immigration proceedings to revoke Murdoch's US citizenship under criminal alien statutes, questioning documents that misrepresented him as an honorable person.

    • Boojum

      Or we could question his birf certifikat

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Yeah! Doesn't this count as "moral turpitude"?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Yes, indeedy.

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      Thanks Joey!

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Murdoch aside for a moment. We're now fine Wonkaderos? Our Disney spawn days of Wonketeers are over? We're no longer Rickki Ratoners but we are now Wonkaderos. Does that mean we have to turn-in our ears?

    • Dashboard Buddha

      And the cream dee la cream of the Wonkerados will be the Wonkerati.

    • http://www.counterpunch.org 4TheTurnstiles

      I always preferred "Wonkeratchik" anyway. Redder is better.

      • C_R_Eature

        I like "Wonkeratti". It makes me feel as if I'm Smart and well read.

        BALLS, also.

        • emmelemm

          I do love the "Wonkeratti" label.

          It almost makes me feel like I went to a prep school or something. Or maybe was wealthy enough to be sent away to a school in the Swiss Alps (for misbehavior, natch).

          • C_R_Eature

            Cool!

            It makes me feel as if I'm called Bruce, always wearing Khakis, short pants, a hat with dangly corks and never seen Not Drinking or Abusing the Abbos (when anyone's watching).

        • BigSkullF*ckingDog

          Yes, I like this name because it sounds elite. I may only be elite in poop and dick jokes but dammit, I am elite at something!

    • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

      Sounds like a yummy salty snack.

      Grab your extra huge bag of Wonkaderos and a few 2 liter bottle of carbonated sugar water and settle back for the Big Game.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      It hurts when I try to turn-in my ears inside-out.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        That's because you don't have external ears.

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Also, if it's a reference to Suzi Quatro, I'm more than OK with it.

    • Boojum

      Wonkaderos are the Wonketeers who RIDE!!!

    • criminogenic

      do we get paid in Ameros?

      • Karma_Suture

        Wonkedineros

        • criminogenic

          Wonkeros

    • http://Wonkette.com DemmeFatale

      I love the swashbuckling sound of "The Three Wonketteers!"
      (But mostly cause of the cool boots.)

    • Steverino247

      Marc Antony was looking for someone to lend him their ears…

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      "We are not amused" seems our new editrix's attitude toward the "Wonketteer" label.

      We know we're mere "Wonkers", of course, but "Wonkeratti" does have a certain cachet.

    • glasspusher

      If I turn in my ears, how am I supposed to massage my girlfriend's thighs?

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        You'll have to COME UP with something, won't you? Pix, video, etc., required before we let you back in the club. Hurry up, now.

    • http://oliphantparts.org/ natoslug

      I've always considered myself more of a Wanketeer.

    • Lascauxcaveman

      I like "Wonkazi". Sounds foreign-exotic, and more than a little dangerous.

      • C_R_Eature

        Yeah. Reminds me of "Fugazi". Also.

        I like 'em all, and will use each whenever appropriate, I think. Why not, eh?

    • C_R_Eature

      Wonksterbators.

      Wonksterbaterati?

      • BigSkullF*ckingDog

        I prefer perverts and nerds, but then I am brutally honest like that.

        • C_R_Eature

          Pernerdverts. There, that covers just about everybody.

    • George Spelvin

      weej, we're Wonkers or Wankers or Wanketes forever and ever amen.

      Wonkaderos is just a bit of syntactic excess from La Ciudad de la Reina de los Angeles.

    • ingloriousbytch

      How about Wonkettonians? I think it makes us sound all East-coasty and liberal elite-y.

  • SexySmurf

    But then where will I get my news of Geraldo getting touched in his bathing suit area?

    • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

      Either Google or Yahoo will have you covered. Not to worry.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Nancy Grace.

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      HuffPoo.

      • C_R_Eature

        Gawker.

        Ew. Now I feel dirty.

  • Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Of course, when FOX News covers this, it will be "Rupert Murdoch (D)."

    • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

      'D' for douchbag?

    • SteveMcCroskey

      Defenestration?

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Deceased. (Hey, we can hope…)

      • Native_of_SL_UT

        Yeah, I still can't figure out why Obama went after Breitbart before this guy.

        • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

          Breitbart wasn't married to Wendy Dung.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        I can. I will! I MUST!!!

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    FOX News should hire Mitt Romney. He can fix anything by firing people, torturing animals, cutting gay hair AND he's a really, really fun guy.

    • Stevola

      Here's hoping that, towards the end of the year, he'll have plenty of time on his hands.

  • http://wonkette.com smokefilledroommate

    Pox News is like twinkies and cockroaches– it will somehow always remain.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      It may scurry under the fridge, but then something else, something even more mutant, will eventually shuffle out and take over somewhere it shouldn't be.

  • Callyson

    FOX News has a problem, a lack of brains, and it seems likely there will be even fewer of them in the future

    /fixed

  • Douché

    They're coming to take him away, haha!!!

  • didgen

    No, there might be a teensy weensy chance that fox news may have been infected by that bag of corruption? Say it ain't so!

  • http://howtosavetheworld.ca/ BZ1

    Murdoch “not a fit person” to run an international company … let's just leave it at that.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ Chow Yun Flat

    Amazing that the being in the picture at the top of the article is said to have fathered two children within the last 10 years.

    • Boojum

      "Said to have" is the operative clause.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      Maybe in a test tube.

    • C_R_Eature

      A.I. and that doesn't stand for Artificial Intelligence.

      Hey, it worked out so well for The Boys from Brazil!

    • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      Turkey basters work miracles.

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    …has already deemed Murdoch “not a fit person” to run an international company.

    You know who else is not a fit person to run an international company?

    That's right…Donald Graham of the War Criminal Post. Pinch Sulzberger of the New York Times. The motherfucking Tribune Company, aka the people who fired Robert Scheer from the L.A. Times and hired Jonah Goldberg.

    I could go on…
    ~

    • flamingpdog

      Mebbe Donald will get his man-tit caught in a wringer.

      • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

        The fucker deserves it, that's for sure.
        ~

  • V572 Is this him?

    "Not a fit person to run an international corporation," huh? Lloyd Blankfein, are you paying attention?

  • Dashboard Buddha

    Lack of Japanese babies?! Weird friggin' ad.

    • Boojum

      I'm willing to be responsible for some half Japanese, if they need help.

    • Steverino247

      OH SHIT! I THINK I'M TURNING JAPANESE!

      • Dashboard Buddha

        You know, I really think so.

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      I hate to say this but I actually clicked through and read that article and it is utterly, completely insane, but carried off as if it was the absolute truthiness.

      • not that Radio

        Another argument is that there are more effeminate men now called "Herbivores" there who are either not interested in sex or women don't find masculine enough.

        Then some suggest many young Japanese people prefer "virtual" friends with a robot or on the internet,…

        Boy, you weren't kidding! Couple that wild speculation with some shoddy statistics, et voila! A Fox News Article.

        • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

          I never go to Fox online but I wanted to see if they covered the Leveson thing on their front page like other media outlets were doing and when I scrolled down and saw that headline I couldn't resist. The fact that it is even offered as a front-page (albeit below the fold) serious article is stunning.

          • not that Radio

            I often visit Fox Nation, not for the articles, mind you, but just to see how insane the commenters are. A perverse bloodsport. They rarely disappoint.

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            Well. I suppose that depends on what you mean by "disappoint."

    • Chichikovovich

      My conjecture is that they are trying to appeal to the people who anticipate an apocalypse brought on by the relatively slow growth of the "white race". Even on Fox you can't get away with an article on that – look what happened to that martyr to the cause John Derbyshire at NRO! – so this is code. Japanese people are honorary whites in this context.

      • not that Radio

        I've heard sociologists use the phrase "acceptable non-whites" before. Must have something to do with their inherent genetic superiority.

        • Chichikovovich

          In this case I think it's not so much that the Japanese are counting as "honorary whites" in all respects – my phrase was poorly chosen in that regard. Rather I meant that the Japanese share the core racist attitude that a shortage of children of the proper type is a crisis. There are easy solutions to a population shortfall: just increase immigration. But that would be unacceptable: Witness the refusal to treat even second or third generation descendants of Korean "immigrants" (in the sense that the middle passage carried "immigrants" in the hold) as full participants in Japanese society.

          So the article can say: "The Japanese think this, and the Japanese think that,…", without saying "And you can see their point of course, that's just like our situation." And if someone says the article is racist, the author/publisher can just say "What? I'm just telling you what the Japanese think." [Perhaps adding: "You're the racist, presuming to judge them!"]

          • not that Radio

            Yes, that writer has some plausible deniability, to the extent that "I'm just telling you what the Japanese think" does not have a racist subtext. The Japanese? All of them?

            I wasn't criticizing your word choice; I was piling on with you. The Fox editorial staff and readership likely do not extend that "empathy" of shared victimhood to Mexicans who disdain Guatemalan immigrants, for example, or Ethiopians who think there are altogether too many Eritreans for their tastes. To them, one must start with a "purifiable" race to begin with, hence the "acceptable non-white" thing.

  • Blueb4sunrise

    I like the Wonkaderos label.
    Not that anyone should give a shit.

    • Dudleydidwrong

      "Wonkaderos" sounds so, well, jaunty. viz. "caballeros." But "wonketeers" has the "one for all and all for one" mentality that describes what piling on really means. And I really like to pile on, especially when dealing with a blob of semi-human goose shit like Rupert-Poopert. I prefer "wonketeers", thank you.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        Gay-marry me, Dudley.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      I immediately think of "Canyonero", but there's probably some way more historically-important reference at play that I'm totally ignorant of.

      • not that Radio

        "Smells like a steak, and seats 35"

    • Negropolis

      So long as we're never called "Wonkadoodles" I'll just count my blessings.

      • bagofmice

        But I prefer the girls to be handy.

    • George Spelvin

      I've always preferred "Wonkers", because of the obvious reference to "Wankers".

      But, of course, nobody should give a shit about that either,

    • http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

      I'm cool with Wonkadero, or Wonketeer, they both have their merits. I kind of like Wonkeratti, too.

  • C_R_Eature

    I've been following this story with the appropriate amount of Glee at
    The Guardian.
    It's some long, drawn out, tasty Fun that seems as if it's in no danger of ending anytime soon. Every week, there's more Bad News for the Murdoch Clan. Sometimes terribly Bad News. And it goes on and on and on.
    I think there's no way out for News Corp, but break up of the monopoly and eventual divestiture of controlling interest by Murdoch.

    Hey, Murdoch,How Does it Feel?

  • Boojum

    Sounds like someone may need to call in Bain Capital for some consulting soon.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      That's when Fox goes into receivership, and Mitt convinces Rupert to borrow a whole bunch of money and give it to Mitt (fees). Then, Mitt convinces Rupert to borrow a whole bunch more money and give it to Mitt (Bain's investment's gotta pay off, ya know?). Then shortly thereafter, the world gets to look on approvingly as security marches Billo, Megyn, Malkin, Insannity, Gerry, Doocy, Gretch, and others out the doors and down the steps, all holding their belongings in their little cardboard boxes (inevitable bankruptcy of a Bain "venture").

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        I will buy champagne for Teh Wonketteers if/when this happens.

  • JustPixelz

    It would OK with me if the whole Fox News crew gets sent drafted and sent to Afghanistan. They can call themselves "F Troop". But back in the USA, CNN will swoop into the right wing vacuum with a new new motto ("News Done Right") and a new studio at Hooters.

    • http://krisbunda.com/blog/index.php Designer_Rants

      Does that mean we get Glenn Beck's Chalkboard back? Yay!

    • Dashboard Buddha

      At least there will be non-talking boobs there.

  • Wile E. Quixote

    You know what would really hammer a nail into Fox's coffin, and when I say "hammer a nail into Fox's coffin" I mean with votes of course? Mass piracy of News Corp entertainment content. It's an odd fact, conveniently overlooked by liberals and the wingnuterati alike, that for all of Fox News' conservatism they're just part of an empire that makes a lot of money dealing in smut, or at least what conservatives consider to be smut, Glee as an example. Conservatives love Fox News and overlook the fact that Fox also produces Family Guy, which mocks Christianity at every turn and is produced by Seth McFarlane, who is pro-gay-marriage (and kind of hot, and has a great singing voice) as well as Glee which seems to do something new every episode to piss off the wingers and Christoids and The Simpson which has annoyed conservatives since the early 1990s. Liberals who love Glee and Family Guy overlook the fact that these shows are produced by the same network that owns the Republican party.

    But what would happen if people started pirating every bit of entertainment content that News Corp produces. What would happen if every single episode of Glee, Fringe or Family Guy was stripped of DRM and put on the internet, sans advertisments? Well let's see, firstly News Corp loses money because no one is buying those boxed sets of 24, The Simpsons or Glee or buying them from the iTunes Music Store. Secondly News Corp loses money because sponsors, realizing that no one is watching their advertisements, stop buying ad time. Thirdly anyone who has a decent show that they'd like to produce isn't going to go to Fox because they're not going to get any money, actors, directors, writers, who's going to want to work for free? It would also help heighten the contradictions inherent in the News Corp business model which sells hard right hate to conservatives and soft-corn porn to liberals. It would be nice to see Hollywood liberals realize that by working for Fox they are helping Rupert Murdoch make more money, which he uses to stir up hate against them and support politicians and causes that they oppose.

    Now, I realize that to some extent this is already happening, but only in a piecemeal fashion, but imagine what it would do to the network if it were done thoroughly and systematically. That's the kind of thing that could really fuck up your stock price and reduce the amount of money you have available to purchase Republican politicians and bribe British cops. I'm not saying that it should happen, I'm just spitballin here and thinking out loud about what might happen if it did happen.

    • Come here a minute

      Keep tilting at that windmill.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        That was cruel, erudite and hilarious at the same time.

        Perfect.

    • mayor_quimby

      This is what they did to their competitor in the (I think) uk satellite tv market. They paid people to release decoder keys so any schmuck could get all their stuff free.
      See, you think of an evil plot, but they already did it years ago.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        ITV Digital. They got NDS to release the crypt keys, allegedly.

        They'd already fucked over British Satellite Broadcasting back in 88/89.

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      The problem with your little {non} plan is that the guys that would also get hurt are those people like Seth whom we gleefully watch taking pokes at those conservatives. I would be OK with pirating the Faux news content, but who could watch that shit more than once?

      • flamingpdog

        Who can watch it once?

        • Native_of_SL_UT

          My Mom (sob)

          • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

            Oh, now (pats NoS on the back sympathetically, searches for tissues), don't take on so, it will get better, you know.

            Eventually, her brain will turn to mush and you can make her watch boxed sets of Shakespeare as interpreted by every actor in history, and she won't know the difference.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      OT – But I won't watch anything produced by Fox, and fortunately, this is just one of a short list of things that I do that irritate by fiance. But I won't watch Fox for the same reason I won't watch anything with John Travolta, Tom Cruise et al. I know I'm just one tiny consumer, but I don't want, either through ticket prices or eyes on ads, one thin dime to go to these motherfuckers.

      • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

        A lot of people who watched Conan O'Brien wouldn't follow him when he accepted FOX's offer after he was screwed by Leno.

        • Dashboard Buddha

          I don't watch Leno, either. First, he's a money grubbing Doritos shill (oh, if only we could see the "blood sprinkler"), second, that fucker hasn't been funny since…er, has he ever been funny? And third…he fucked Conan.

      • http://www.kalimao.blogspot.com Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        I will confess to watching Avatar ONCE. But never again, and, as a rule, I won't purchase anything that will put a penny in Rupe's pocket.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    Deport him to Transylvania already!

  • bumfug

    Jesus, that picture would scare the mice out of Dorian Gray's attic.

  • http://wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    Rupert awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
    He took a face from the ancient gallery
    And he walked on down the hall

    He went into the room where Doocey lived, and, then he
    Paid a visit to Geraldo then he
    He walked on down the hall, and
    And he came to a door, and he looked inside
    Hannity, yes Sean, I want to kill you
    Cavuto, I want to, FUCK YOU!!!

    C'mon FCC, take a chance with us
    C'mon FCC, take a chance with us
    C'mon FCC, take a chance with us

    And meet me at the back of the Fox bus
    Doin' a crack rock, On a Fox bus
    Doin' a crack rock, c'mon, yeah
    Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill
    This is the end, Propaganda friend

    • C_R_Eature

      "Lament for my FOX
      Sore and Crucified, I seek to know you."

    • Dudleydidwrong

      I LOVE you when you bring back The Doors. Now we need to slam Rupie's fingers in one.

    • C_R_Eature

      "Her [Sarah's] Cunt gripped [his wallet] like a warm, friendly hand."

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    Brian Kilmeade is the smart one.

    • 12X34X

      Ha! What's that? 4 IQ points higher than a head of iceberg lettuce?

  • sharethegrief

    Ted Kennedy was Romney's arch nemesis, too. I don't need to say anymore.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      And yet he could handle Uncle Orrin, Aunt Lindsey, and their terrible nephew John McCain. Just goes to show you how loathsome Rmoney is.

      • Lascauxcaveman

        The difference with those three; frail, faltering and faulty as they are, is they are actual human beings.

        This distinction does not apply to the Mittbot.

  • http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

    The song that Wonkette sung,
    was look out Stagger Lee Rupert M!

    (Yes, another that no one will appreciate besides me.)

    • Chichikovovich

      Delia posts on Wonkette?

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      Well that just sent me on a very pleasurable reading and listening journey on Teh Internets. Thank you very much!

  • http://wonkette.com Chill-A-Sketch

    I wish Fox News a long, painful death (preferably starting with the sacking of Sarah Palin).

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      I think I would actually prefer if Palin was the last one left on Faux. At least she gives us something to laugh at.

    • oldswede

      Would that be like the Sacking of Rome by the Goths? Lots of pillaging and rape.

  • mormos

    fox news should know better. extinction isn't real, it isn't in the bible.

  • Slim_Pickins

    The FBI is investigating?! You mean the FBI enticed a bunch of Foxtards into committing felonies?

    • flamingpdog

      There are Mooselimb Foxtards?

      • Slim_Pickins

        Probably not, but there are white supremacist Foxtards. The FBI finds them even more gullible than your garden variety white supremacists or Muslins.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    You know who else dreamed of making people extinct?

    • flamingpdog

      Asteroids?

    • Come here a minute

      H.G. Wells?

    • Negropolis

      Sapient dinosaurs?

    • C_R_Eature

      Dr. Strangelove?

    • BarackMyWorld

      Magneto?

      • Negropolis

        WIN

    • Native_of_SL_UT

      Captain Trips?

    • ThundercatHo

      The Shongairi?

  • Negropolis

    You mean to tell me that unethical business practices bleed into unethical journalism? Ya' don't say!

    Hey Rupert? Ho ho! Hey hey! How many dead girls' phones have you hacked today?!

    Go to hell, you slimeball. C. Montgomery Burns called; he wants his personality back.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      C. Montgomery Burns was bought by Murdoch, pulped, and sold as "Joy Of Capitalism" medicine in China.

  • flamingpdog

    I was hoping for something more along the lines of "Nearer My Vlad to Thee" for the crew at Fux News.

  • OneYieldRegular

    This must be incredibly disheartening news coming right on the heels of his defeat of Dick Lugar in the primary.

    Wait, what?

    • C_R_Eature

      No, you're thinking of Morlock.

  • cheetojeebus

    voldemort has really let himself go.

  • Dudleydidwrong

    Our esteemed leader, Lisa, invoked the name of America's symbol of foot-stompin' and fire-fighting, Smokey the Bear. Here's what Smokey thinks of Rupert:

    With a face that's like a shovel
    and the wrinkles of a turd
    you'll find Rupert in the mud pile
    always trying to be heard.
    People, pay him no attention
    And of Rupert, please beware,
    'Cause now everybody knows that
    Rupert's full of shit and air.

    Chorus:
    Rupert the turd, Rupert the turd.
    Lyin' and a cheatin' with every other word.
    He wouldn't know the truth if it bit him in the ass
    That's why we call him Turd-face.
    And we're hoping he won't last.

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      Most excellent, comrade Dudleydidwrong.

  • littlebigdaddy

    Rosebud!

  • Goonemeritus

    Your Titanic analogy with regard Murdoch's British news empire is quite apt. I see Murdoch's arrogance analogous to that of the White Star Line. The sea is a stand in for all the people in power biding their time just waiting for the opportunity to sink the prick. Even Mudoch's upper management and son are well represented by the ineffective bulkheads that were meant to limit damage but only provide a slight pause. It has been said by watchers that Murdoch has yet to have a good day in the last year and I for one have been watching it with glee.
    Will it translate to a fall over here, maybe but I doubt it. Even were the mighty Fox to fall the market for this type of Party based TV network has been proven and will be copied. Were it not copied the 20% of the American public would seek it out on the internet, shortwave or crazy guy in the train station handing out flyers.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Murdoch's Sky TV has a stranglehold on UK satellite broadcasting, mostly because they have Premier League football. It makes millions upon millions for that ocker cunt and funded a good part of his entry and evolution in the US.

      There's now a free contender, freesat, which is coming to fruition now; they're attempting a launch strategy. Should Sky get a bit raped by the UK government, Freesat might pick up the PL, which would *destroy* Sky in the UK – there's nothing else worthwhile on there.

      Fingers crossed.

    • Negropolis

      I, too, doubt that this will take Fox over the edge, but it may just be enough to permanently damage them, and less Fox influence is better for the nation regardless of how much less it is.

  • SayItWithWookies

    I can't wait for the demise of Fox Criminal Enterprises — and it is going to come out drip by drip over an excruciatingly long time, too, since Rupert and James and all the others have to have the truth wrung out of each of them.

    Today, in fact, Rebekah Brooks testified before the Leveson Committee and said she and Ian Cameron used to text each other — he would sign his with LOL until she informed him that that didn't mean lots of love.

    That, and she was talking with him about the wiretappings as early as 2010 are some of the more interesting details to come out today.

    • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

      until she informed him that that didn't mean lots of love

      Too funny. At first that's what I thought it must mean, when it started showing up everywhere.
      I still can't read "LOL" as a part of someone's sentence or text or whatnot, without hearing it as this weird *sound* someone's making like they're swallowing their tongue.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Damn, I'm glad it wasn't just me. I got weirded out playing yahoo bridge back in 97 when people would say "lots of love" after my finely honed bon mot until I twigged it.

        • SayItWithWookies

          Damn — David Cameron. And my biggest problem with lol isn't the neanderthal grunt it expresses so much as that it embodies the idea that you wouldn't understand the tone of what I'm saying unless I spelled it out for you. I've just always been taught that a writer shouldn't condescend to his readers and now, of course, that condescenscion has been institutionalized. The fact that it has to be consciously typed makes that especially infuriating.

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            The main problem being that the written word (as such) has been opened up as a communication medium. Texting and previously Instant Messaging.

            If I say something like "Wookies is a chap whose ability to enlighten readers with his erudition combined with his inspired wit is unsurpassed" then it's very different to "Wookies a funneh cholo lol" – both attempt the same transfer of knowledge from author to reader, but one is enlightening whilst the other is pauce in its descriptive power.

            It's not so much condescension as lack of ability in my opinion. Not everyone can be a nuanced writer.

            Shorter: people are mostly stupid and crap

          • Chichikovovich

            Well, yeah, but it is possible to use the constraints to develop effective style and wit within them. Witness the famous (apocryphal?) exchange of telegrams between Hugo and his publisher concerning the sales of Les Misérables: Hugo: "?" Publisher: "!"

            Edit: But this is in no way to deny the shorter, which is a truth I hold to be self-evident.

          • not that Radio

            LOL ; )

            EDIT: One of my earliest Wonket memories, one that suggested to me that "yes, this is the right place" was reading a comment "I LOL'ed in my pants". I wish I remembered who wrote it. Je ne c'est quoi. Perhaps it was the perfect deconstruction/undermining of the stupid and crap.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            FukuiSan – – I’ve had a message from your namesake-from-afar, whom I have been corresponding with while he’s in absentia.
            I got a letter, in it he asked specifically to convey to you that he’s “doing well, improving steadily, enjoying sobriety.” It is an update I figured you’d welcome and, while I don’t care to get detailed here in a public space, I know no other way to put this across for your reading. He’s a faithful letter writer and mentioned he’d like your contact info so he can be in touch w/ you by letter; he is avoiding email or commenting though he has opportunity to check messages online, his preference is handwritten.
            IF you are willing to hear from him would you let me know? I realize privacy is a hot topic now for obvs reasons, but if you want to send Radio your info via me, I thought about asking Becca to let you send the info to her, then she could forward to me, & I'll put it in my next letter to him.
            Hope that's not too convoluted-sounding. Thanks too for your expressed support of him. FWIW he seems in good spirits! He is already corresponding w/ one other wonketteer as well, we've both been enjoying his letters, I think you will too.

          • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Replied in the more recent thread, but to precis:

            I've emailed our editrix at another email address (collective) explaining the situation. Hopefully she'll pass the email address on to you and we can go on from there.

          • http://facethesuncastnoshadow.wordpress.com/ Mumbletypeg

            Excellent, I've emailed her too as of Friday; still waiting for a reply. Thanks for checking back in on this!

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      Also too, the whole thing about Jeremy Hunt, the culture secretary, the guy doing the supposedly independent government review of the BSkyB deal, going to Rebekah for advice on how to position himself and No. 10 on the hacking scandal. Wow. That was a biggun.

      • SayItWithWookies

        I didn't know anything about this Vince Cable fellow who was canned because he told some reporters he had "declared war" on Rupert — but this article gives some background on that. Remarkable that Cable gets canned for one quote even though he might've been otherwise objective, whereas Hunt's frequent communications with News Corp hasn't cost him anything.

  • NotGodot

    Anyone remotely interested in this story should follow Brown Moses on Twitter. He's been aggregating Data and is allegedly in contact with Tom Watson and several of the Guardian journalists.

    • flamingpdog

      I'd be careful about aggravating Data. He's an android, and stronger than humans.

      • C_R_Eature

        Yeah, and he's gotten really pissy after he got that emotion chip back from Lor.

    • http://politicsafter50.blogspot.com lisawines

      Thanks for that tip NotGodot.

    • CapnFatback

      Hey, we have been not waiting for you!

      • not that Radio

        I hear he's never not going to show up.

        • HistoriCat

          We should go …

  • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

    Oh, the good old days when RCA owned NBC. The days when broadcasters actually had a "responsibility to the community" and if they didn't meet it their license would be revoked. These days the only way to get your license revoked is to show tits on the air.

    Here's some trivia for you kids (hey I still consider myself a kid too!!!) – GE used to own RCA before it was an independent company. You know what the NBC chimes actually stand for???? G – E – C —->>>> General Electric Company.

    • http://www.southsidejohnny.com/ Jukesgrrl

      You can SAY anything untrue or irresponsible, but let that Tinky Winky pick up a purse and all hell breaks loose.

    • Dashboard Buddha

      Damn…I just happened to have a guitar on the sofa with me…you're right!

    • BarackMyWorld

      Wait…didnt they use those chimes before GE owned NBC?

      • George Spelvin

        Yes, if you are counting from GE's acquisition of NBC in '86.

        However, if you go back to GE's prior ownership of RCA and NBC, waybackwhen, I dunno.

      • http://johnnyzhivago.blogspot.com johnnyzhivago

        I wasn't clear….   GE owned RCA in the 1920's…  then they were forced to sell it.  Then of course they bought it in 1985 and destroyed it…

  • Tundra Grifter

    Bless his heart!

  • James Michael Curley

    Remember, never light more than two faggots with a single match.

    • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

      Fags. They're fags. Cigarettes are fags. Nobody, ever, has called a cigarette a 'faggot'.

      Well, unless it was a Sobranie or something.

      • C_R_Eature

        Perhaps he meant the "Bundle of Sticks" definition?

        That's sound advice, if so.

        • George Spelvin

          Why is that faggot carrying such a large bundle of sticks?

          • C_R_Eature

            Wait until Fred Phelps hears of this.

            GOD
            HATES
            BUNDLES
            OF
            STICKS

          • Chichikovovich

            Or:

            SMILE WHILE YOU'VE
            A LUCIFER TO
            LIGHT YOUR FAG

          • C_R_Eature

            LIGHT
            MY
            FIRE
            The Doors

        • HistGuy

          More likely it was a reference to the food, called faggots, that the British seem to like. It's like a meatball, but made of hearts and kidneys. It's actually pretty tasty.

  • BarackMyWorld

    I still love how no one on the right is even the least bit concerned about the huge influence a corrupt foreign-born figure has on the American political system. Maybe someone should start a rumor he's from Kenya.

  • LocalGirlMakesGoo

    Is this a bad time to mention I have a crush on Shep Smith?

  • ElPinche

    I'll celebrate when Steve Doocy is mopping the floors at MSNBC studios and Megyn Kelly is Tamron Hall's coffee bitch. BTW..ease up on Murdoch photos, he looks like one of Rumpelstilskin's balls (the right one)

  • LetUsBray

    I find this post delightfully easy to masturbate to.

  • fitley

    Hannity could always open a hat store. A hat store for people with abnormally large heads. It could happen.

  • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    OT

    I have an idea for an October Surprise.

    Let's suppose Hopey goes on TV and says something along the lines of "As President, I will no longer utilize either the DEA or the courts to enforce marijuana possession laws. We have spent too much money and continue to do so for an offense which is not socially damaging."

    I don't smoke weed and haven't for at least a year, but I used to be a fucking weed maniac. We were all young.

    A strategy like that might bring in the Paulians, who are mostly weed fans, it seems.

    • Negropolis

      Now that would get me going, and I don't even smoke. I've heard of too many folks in my state facing serious charges because the feds have not respected (and actively prosecuted) medical marijuana patients, here. It's one thing to pretend to coninue on the war on drugs; it's an entire other thing to accelerate like he has, here. Hell, this is something he could even do behind the scenes. A nice "knock it off, why don't you" would even suffice.

      This is probably the most disappointed that I've been with him on a personal level since this is something so incredibly simple not to fuck with. The amendment passed with 60+% of the vote. Nothing, here, ever passes with that much support, anymore, well, besides the stem cell research amendment.

      • Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        I live in CA, and that's a medical MJ state. The DEA busted one of our big places in Oakland just the other month.

        If Bammaz could come out with a "no more federal MJ bullshit in those states" thing just before the election, it might motivate a lot of people who otherwise wouldn't vote.

        It's no more brave than the gay marriage thing.

        • Negropolis

          What's bad here in Michigan is that it seems to be the actual patients getting busted. They had gone after a few warehouses, and had shut down some dispensaries before the local appellate courts in concert with the feds pretty much cowed them all into closing up shop, but most of the focus has been on individual patients, which seems especially insidious, to me.

          Surprisingly, a week or two ago, the Republican-controlled state house passed some laws with stronger legal protections for patients, and there is talk that the legislature may even find a way to open back up dispensaries, but this was only because of ridiculous amounts of pressure from patients-right groups and Dems.

    • ThundercatHo

      Maybe Sasha and Malia have friends whose parents are stoners. Seriously though, I've never understood this continuation of the "war on drugs" since it makes no sense economically or politically. The only people who want to see potheads getting busted probably wouldn't vote for him at gunpoint. How is your wife feeling btw?

      • Chichikovovich

        It doesn't make sense economically for the country as a whole, perhaps, but for police departments there is a powerful economic incentive, since the money seized in drug raids can be used by the police for new equipment (including the body armor, riot gear, etc. that can turn the city police in Bullsteat Nebraska into a fantasy Seal Team 6), TV's in the cafeteria, office renovations, etc. Once an organization gets hooked on such a sweet motherlode of cash, it's hard to wean off it.

  • Isyaignert

    Is he wearing lipstick?

  • SudsMcKenzie

    This week gay marriage is OK, and now FOX is " going down", does this mean we get another shitty Celene Dion song?

    • flamingpdog

      Whoa, what other kind of Celene Dion song IS there?

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

    I'm gonna guess that ol' Rupert's taunting of the British Government from his twitter account during the hearings didn't help his cause.

  • barto

    "Wonkaderos" is now my next favorite Spanglish noun for working sitffs, right up with "Carwasheros".

  • ttommyunger

    Rupert Murdoch is "…not a fit person…." period.

    • http://sciencekick.blogspot.com valthemus

      Oh no! You've found the loophole in the law. It only applies to humans, not walking sacks of shit.

  • not that Radio

    OT: http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/05/11/48280

    In an email exchange with reporter Mike DeForest, the seller wrote, “My main motivation was to make money off the controversy.”

    The seller would not disclose how many paper targets had been made, but said in an email, “The response is overwhelming. I sold out in 2 days.”

    Capitalism!

    • biblioteq_tress

      Christ, that is the most crass, cold, mean exploitation I've seen this week. And the coward won't even give his name. I hope someone ties him to a kitchen chair and forces him to tell Trayvon's parents that he just wanted to make money.

      No snark. Just appalled.

    • Chichikovovich

      And you know what's sad? This guy saw a market, and he responded to demand. And made some money. But some America-hating liberals are going to attack him for his success. Thank heavens we have a candidate like Mitt Romney who understands that you never have to apologize for that.

  • biblioteq_tress

    We need a mole in Fox to start getting the emails and papers out NOW– I foresee blindfolded interns feeding years of in-house memos into a shredder.

  • BenGleck

    Since the Japanese have transferred sushi making to the San Fernando Valley (a suburb of LA), they have insured that they will flourish throughout.

  • Biff

    I once had a dog named Shep.

  • DahBoner

    There's no need to write about what you think about Rubert Murdock.

    He already knows, because he hacked into your voicemail…