‘P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines’ Says Nebraska Lady, Nobody Sure Why

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

hot gay sex orgyWELL! Thank you Wonkette operative “OkieDokieDog,” for passing along this film of great beauty and poetry. It is of a Nebraska lady getting all hot and nasty about Gay Sex Orgiers, with their P-E-N-I-S-es. They are Homiciders. And the UN/UNESCO, somehow. We do not know. But it should certainly have more than 313 views, so click where it says “READ MORE” and read more!

This lady seems very nice. She is probably your mom.

UPDATE: The video has now been marked private, maybe because the lady therein is actually schizophrenic, and goes to these meetings about two times a month, and the council waits patiently while she goes on her schizophrenic rant, and don’t we all feel terrible? So now we will provide an alternate copy, so that we may all watch and then switch from pointing and laughing to tsk-tsking about the state of mental health services in this country (thanks REAGAN!) and howl at the further cuts that are coming instead of laughing at this lady for being crazy because she actually is. Your Wonkette is not in the habit of making fun of the powerless unless they are super racist and/or rednecky, and also let’s all send $5 to a local homeless shelter or something, and then we can all feel better about having made 20,000 pageviews worth of fun of poor Jane Svoboda.

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 286 comments }

GuidanceRo_Man May 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Mom?

jakegittes May 14, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Not Mom?

bureaucrap May 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm

I always get my gay sex advice from little old ladies in Lincoln Nebraska. They're also a great source for sex toys and lubricants.

FlyOverGirl May 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

Living in Lincoln, we do have our sex shops. "Dr. John" did run for City Council back in 2009. http://journalstar.com/news/local/doctor-john-to-

bureaucrap May 11, 2012 at 3:57 pm

Pity he didn't win. It would have been fun to watch them dialogue with each other.

George Spelvin May 11, 2012 at 7:01 pm

Darn, I clicked on that thinking to see Mac Rebbonack running for City Council.

nounverb911 May 11, 2012 at 12:27 pm

Let's send Geraldo in for the in-depth story.

Jukesgrrl May 11, 2012 at 11:56 pm

Have him wear his hoodie. Hilarity will ensue.

Barb May 11, 2012 at 12:28 pm

"gays, spies and orgiers"
I guffawed!

Whitney Houston was found in a bathtub without any clothes on.
Anal licking causes sepsis!

The batshit crazy lady in the marshmallow hat is fucking hilarious!

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

I'm already booking her as the opening act for my comedy tour.

Jukesgrrl May 11, 2012 at 11:57 pm

Maybe she and Basil Marceaux could do a George Burns and Gracie Allen thing. "Say goodnight, Marshmallow."

JustPixelz May 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

"gays, spies and orgiers"
Was she at the Wonkette meet up? I saw breast pix, but no hats.

" in a bathtub without any clothes on"
If bathing was meant to be done in the nude, god would not have created bathing suits.

DeeJayKitteh May 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

If I didn't know any better, I would've sworn she was in one of those Bad Lip Reading videos. This is obviously a case of reality being funnier than fiction.

CleverSobriquet May 11, 2012 at 4:53 pm

Please! Batshit has some respect still

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 12:29 pm

"P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines"?

This woman has clearly seen too many Long Dong Silver videos.

Canuck237503 May 11, 2012 at 3:07 pm

I for one would love a to experience a P-E-N-I-S of that length. BRING IT!

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 3:11 pm

Bwana Dik

A Legend. Enormous Thou Art.

Ann_ObeyMe_Money May 17, 2012 at 2:45 am

I've got the thing you need …

C_R_Eature May 17, 2012 at 5:57 am

I am endowed beyond your
Clearasil-Spattered fantasies…

Where else can you hear that sort of social commentary, eh?

HobbesEvilTwin May 11, 2012 at 12:29 pm

Whitney was found in a bathtub without clothes SHEEPLE!

sharethegrief May 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

My habit of bathing with my clothes on has kept me straight and alive.

superdave May 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Nevernude!

Jukesgrrl May 12, 2012 at 12:00 am

I think they're called Spanx. "You can get 'em on, but try to get 'em off.® "

HobbesEvilTwin May 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

albeit not exactly as fresh as a mountain spring.

Infrogmation May 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm

How the bathtub got into my pyjamas, I'll never know.

Nostrildamus May 11, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Hi, Mom!

nounverb911 May 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

And what are giving her for Mother's Day?

Barb May 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm

Sepsis?

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm

A transvaginal probing, naturally.

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Her husband will sing her This Song.

EatsBabyDingos May 11, 2012 at 12:30 pm

Sometimes a three pound summer sausage is just a three pound summer sausage. Sometimes.

nounverb911 May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"Would you like another schnitzengruben? "

FakaktaSouth May 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Woohoo, made it to :50. So she is saying that butt sex makes you want to kill people? She has been listening too closely to the housewives at the gym and got all confused.

Also, she'll say anus but penis was too much? Does she know what anuses ARE? Besides the gateway to homicide?

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

If it's done incorrectly. I know I've gotten pretty mad…

FakaktaSouth May 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This is what I am saying. You can't take "oh my god I am going to KILL him for what he did to my ass last night" literally, amirite?

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Well, there was this one time when she spasmed and nearly ripped my P-E-N-I-S off…that made me really mad.

Isyaignert May 11, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Homcide and homociders. I lernt a gnew werd tudey.

MaxNeanderthal May 11, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Anuses (Anusii?). They're burgers, aren't they?

Chill-A-Sketch May 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Was Santorum involved?

nounverb911 May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Which one?

Chill-A-Sketch May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

The frothy, disgusting one (or was I supposed to say "All of 'em, Katie"?).

bagofmice May 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Yes?

Fuck Toad May 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Generally so, yes.

widestanceromance May 11, 2012 at 1:17 pm

As soon as the cameras started rolling, he slipped out the back.

chicken_thief May 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

That slimy little shit.

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:31 pm

Orgiers?

I've heard of Algiers, Tangiers and Bob Giers (believe it or not, he's in charge of bicycle planning in Boston), but never Orgiers.

Where is this place? Can I fly first class?

Barb May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Fly "United" It's all about the orgy and the honey roasted peanuts.

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

I'm sorry, I was distracted. What was this about honey roasted P-E-N-I-S?

not that Radio May 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Honey sounds ok. Not sure about the other part.

Barb May 11, 2012 at 12:45 pm

Okay, I really shouldn't share this horrible story. What the hell, Cricket doesn't read Wonkette.

My daughter, sweet and shy little kindergarten teacher for the deaf kiddies was on a date at the Friendly's ice cream restaurant and her date brought his parents. At the end of the meal she ordered dessert and asked for a "Reeses Penis Butter Sundae." She was mortified!

Chichikovovich May 11, 2012 at 12:50 pm

She was mortified!

I bet her date was feeling pretty stiff too.

DemmeFatale May 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Wait…her date brought his PARENTS?! To Friendlys?!
Loo-hooser!!!
(HE should have been mortified!)

Lascauxcaveman May 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Lol. Reminds me of the time I was out to dinner with my wife and I meant to say "pass the butter," and it came out "You've ruined my life, you relentlessly nagging, spiteful harpy."

James Michael Curley May 11, 2012 at 12:59 pm

When my son was about 4 we were out and the waitress bought utensils wrapped up nicely in napkins. While Mrs. Curley and I were talking my son picked them up and started saying loudly "Here's your forkin' knife, here's your forkin' knife." The place got very quiet.

BerkeleyBear May 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I had a neck injury in high school. I'm at the doc's, and my x-ray is up in a semi-public area. Cute girl is standing there and (I think) talking about a similar condition to mine with her mom. I roll up and decide to say something about our common issue. Only, while I think I say "I've got a bulging disc" I am heard as the creepy weirdo talking about his bulging dick. Needless to say, no one was impressed.

CZL May 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Orgier the Dane?

Callyson May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

"Where are our schoolteachers who should be speaking about this today?"

They're at home getting laid. You remember doing that, it was fun sometimes, remember? Oh, no, you don't remember that? Well, that explains a lot…

FakaktaSouth May 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

I'm pretty confident that any teacher speaking about busting people's intestines during butt sex orgies would get fired – teacher's union or no.

Geminisunmars May 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

These are conversations best held in quiet teachers' lounges.

Veritas78 May 12, 2012 at 10:20 pm

But please wait until the sepsis has had a chance to set in after the anus-licking. I hear the lounge is usually quiet from 4:05 to 4:30.

GOPCrusher May 11, 2012 at 1:26 pm

These are the same people that scream the loudest about teachers teaching their children about the proper use of a condom.

ibwilliamsi May 11, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Are you certain that the teachers aren't at home because she laid them off?

Exhausted66 May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Suffering Succotash, them are some f'd up bullet points Vicky Lawrence costume wearer!

vulpes82 May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Oh, please, you know Thelma Harper is totally down with the gay anal sex.

fartknocker May 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

P to the power of 10 to you.

SorosBot May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Only gays go to gender studies? Huh, I took gender studies and didn't realize that I must be gay.

kissawookiee May 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

The candida should be sprouting any day now.

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Kissawookie? Is that some new Internet slang I am unaware of? Or a new sex practice that I need to know about? :-)
The candida comment is just yukky! :-)

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Well you are in for a BIG surprise…… soon, have fun! :-)

Crank_Tango May 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

too soon!

kissawookiee May 11, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Anus licking causing Fs and Ds unless antibiotics are administered to corpses without clothes while watching Winter Wipeout with your lesbian professors and this is deranged thinking in the orgiers baths while everyone perishes with candida while cussing during treason.

Did I get that all right?

Geminisunmars May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Close enuf. Could use a little more rupturing though.

sewollef May 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

Verbatim. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Oh, and thanks for making it even clearer…

HobbesEvilTwin May 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

Rick Santorum meets James Joyce. Wow! What a beautiful stream of consciousness piece of performance art.

not that Radio May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

yes I said yes I will Yes .. I MEAN NO! THAT'S PERVERTED

fctimes May 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This is the most wonderful thing in the world.

Boojum May 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

It puts the lotion on its P-E-N-I-S….

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:34 pm

This lady will be right when monkeys fly out of my anus

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

That would depend on your boyfriend I would think. Just because monkeys may one day fly out of your anus does not mean this poor misguided woman is right about anything! Except the sad state of our public education.

Dashboard Buddha May 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Epic face/palm at :30

DemmeFatale May 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I love the disbelief on the guy's face behind her!

OneYieldRegular May 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm

That guy really needs an award of some sort. Perhaps election to Lincoln City Council?

SorosBot May 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

I love the guy sitting behind the crazy lady; he cannot stop laughing and making "what the fuck is this woman saying?" faces at her bigoted lunatic rambling.

Maman May 11, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I made my husband come over and watch the video again just to see that guy.

Callyson May 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Said the same thing just below. Isn't he a hoot?

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Yeah, his show and hers together! And for the same price! I would have been doing about the same face-palm's as he. He was probably the only one with in range of the camera. You notice he was talking to someone, so I would think that his antics were being at least agreed to, if not reciprocated.

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 12:35 pm

Oh, dear, so you won't be needing MissTaken any longer… :-D

Callyson May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Also, I love watching the reaction of the guy sitting behind her. Don't know WTF the rest of the audience is sitting there as if this deranged nut is speaking about potholes and noise ordinances and the like…

Geminisunmars May 11, 2012 at 12:46 pm

I was thinking I would enjoy seeing the faces of the council, but they've probably sat through this kind of crazy before.

GOPCrusher May 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Yeah. Ron Brown who is a coach for Nebraska Football is getting flailed in the national sports media for showing up at a Lincoln City Council meeting regaled in University of Nebraska swag and basically doing his best Fred Phelps impersonation.

DemmeFatale May 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Maybe it's hour 3 of the meeting, and they are almost bored into a coma-like state.
And don't you think that Ol' Marshmallow-Head is strangely calm for someone off her meds?

FlownOver May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Here I sit, geographically bracketed by this mild-mannered feeb and Sen. James Inhofe, less mild-mannered but no less shithouse-rat loony.

Pray for us in Brownbackistan, for we make these defective carbon units seem sane by comparison.

radio-of-owls May 11, 2012 at 12:51 pm

I bet that blowsalot.

HobbesEvilTwin May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

don't forget that naked people in bathtubs are always dead because someone killed them.

bureaucrap May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

Don't laugh; she's Romney's nominee for Surgeon General.

Although I do have to admire the aplomb with which she cites morbidity/mortality and educational achievement statistics which she is clearly making up as she goes.

JackDempsey1 May 11, 2012 at 12:36 pm

OK, a little crazy, but who attends a city council meeting for factual accuracy?

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 5:44 pm

Evidently No one that night!

Joshua Norton May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

My ex-wife told me she thinks gay marriage is just fine. However, straight marriage should be a felony.

I think she's still bitter about the breakup.

rickmaci May 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

I happen to agree that gays are entitled to experience all the anger and bitterness of marriage that we straights endure but I have this strange sense that gay marriages will end up being more sustained with lower divorce rates than straight marriages. Sort of a balancing of the karma thing.

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 1:52 pm

One things for sure: they'll stop being so gay.

Limeylizzie May 11, 2012 at 9:32 pm

You must be a sexy bastard to incur such hatred. All the ones I hate were insanely good at the cunnilingus.

gingerland62 May 18, 2012 at 2:25 am

Funny Lizzie, you speak for many.

Dashboard Buddha May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

Wow…this was better than the NH lady who was going on about wriggling in excrement.

emmelemm May 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

And that's a pretty high bar! (Seriously.)

smitallica May 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

I need to share with this woman some of the blacks-on-blondes porn sites I frequent. Those monster p-e-n-i-s-e-s don't have to get anywhere near the anus to cause some rupturing, believe me.

Callyson May 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

"Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be eighty years old."

What, so they can get all the aggravation of getting older without any of the fun of having sex? Yeah, fuck that…

OneYieldRegular May 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

My gay neighbor is 82 and in terrific health. He hasn't stopped picking up guys since he was about 14.

Joshua Norton May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Horny old crone has thought about people's naughty bits waaaaaay too much.

SoBeach May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

Just because men don't want to be around you doesn't mean they're all homo.

SexySmurf May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

It's a good thing she wrote down what she wanted to say ahead of time, or else it would have sounded confused and nonsensical.

qwerty42 May 11, 2012 at 3:51 pm

Yeah, I think she had to have it written down because of the dense reasoning and logic she was bringing to the case. She is the next Wittgenstein or Russell. Or Gödel.

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 5:49 pm

And exactly what about her presentation sounded sensible and un-confused? Oh yeah! I remember now: It was when she stated her name.

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:35 am

WIN

thejazzmonger May 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm

I laughed so hard at this. You nailed it, bro'.

La_Cieca May 11, 2012 at 12:39 pm

No, it's not good material, is it? That's why Elaine Stritch workshops her patter here before performing it at the Carlyle.

smitallica May 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm

Watching this again, I'm convinced this is just brilliant performance art. It has to be. Doesn't it?

valthemus May 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Watch for her at the next Fringe Festival.

DalePues May 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

That's what I think too. This can't be serious. Anus licking?

NellCote71 May 11, 2012 at 9:03 pm

Yes. Way too much "inside" information. Heh, heh, heh.

qwerty42 May 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Not sure; I'm looking for her to give a keynote at the Republican Convention this summer.

aguacatero May 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

It is REALLY too late to get into the Republican Primary field?

bureaucrap May 11, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Committee Chair: "And now we're going to have an hour of testimony from members of the public who are paranoid schizophrenics."

Guppy May 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

You've never been to a city council meeting, have you?

reasonbran May 17, 2012 at 8:51 pm

You got that right. Literally.

MissTaken May 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

80% of those who did treason in 2000 were gay.

Well, can't argue with that kind of logic.

SorosBot May 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

It certainly was an eye-opener for me, along with learning that gay people don't live past 40 unless they're the celibate.

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 1:03 pm

Don't tell Mittborg/FROTHY/whatever the fuck he is now.

PlanetWingNut May 11, 2012 at 4:51 pm

I'm 41 now…gonna be 42 in 8 days (god willing) and i eat butt…i must be the walking dead…OH OFFICER RICK….I HAZ MY EYE ON YOU!!!!

Lascauxcaveman May 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

And she knows this because … she was there, taking notes and taking names?

Infrogmation May 11, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Agree, you can't argue with it, but you might be able to medicate it.

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 5:55 pm

What if there were only 3 traitors in 2000? That would skew her numbers a bit I think. I mean at an estimated 10% of the population, even if 2 of the 3 were gay traitors, that is just 66 point whatever percent, hardly 80%
And most traitors are closeted, (it just goes with the territory)

Boojum May 11, 2012 at 10:51 pm

One of them was bi, so two and a half, which is 5/6, which causes sepsis.

kissawookiee May 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

I guess the fact that all gay people turn their partners into corpses would explain Lesbian Bed Death.

Mapmonger May 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

Insane Marshmallow Hat Lady just made me stupider, just by listening to her.

SorosBot May 11, 2012 at 12:42 pm

"Who would you rather have, Judas the homo or Jesus the celibate?" Fuck this is nuts.

MissTaken May 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm

I choose Judas the Homo. He was good with money and liked to give kisses!

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

I hear he was pretty hung too.

elviouslyqueer May 11, 2012 at 2:12 pm

Too soon!

CapnFatback May 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

You HAVE to choose!

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 12:43 pm

I'm all for trying out new material, but Minnie Pearl's new act is just weird.

Chichikovovich May 11, 2012 at 12:55 pm

At least she finally took the price tag off that hat.

vodkamuppet May 11, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Can we suspend the wonkette commenting rules for radicals for this post, pretty please?

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

P-E-N-I-S Goes In. P-E-N-I-S Goes out. never a miscommunication.

Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law: "It goes in, it must come out."
Fudd's First Law of Opposition: "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."

Science!

WABishop May 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

It rubs the P-E-N-I-S on its skin or it gets the hose again.

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 1:13 pm

"…but I repeat myself…"

elburritodeluxe May 11, 2012 at 12:49 pm

She sure knows a lot about cocks!

SayItWithWookies May 11, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Bill Donohue's gonna have to step up his game — he's got some competi — oh, nevermind.

prommie May 11, 2012 at 12:51 pm

Sasha Baron Cohen's next movie, The Church Lady. Amazing makeup job, he is an incredible mimic, isn't he?

radio-of-owls May 11, 2012 at 12:57 pm

I really don't go in for remakes, but maybe The Dicktator II has some potential.

prommie May 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

She's been looking at ass-tulip pictures, too.

smitallica May 11, 2012 at 1:07 pm

Well THERE'S something I'll never un-see. Thanks for that.

prommie May 11, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I suffered, everyone should suffer.

Fuck Toad May 11, 2012 at 12:52 pm

I've never ruptured anyone's intestines. And let me tell you, I've given it a good go once or twice. I question this lady's science.

Fare la Volpe May 12, 2012 at 8:39 am

"Can two men reproduce?"
"No, but God knows we keep trying."

Fuck Toad May 12, 2012 at 10:55 am

Someone should tell this lady that ladies have butt holes too. I wonder if that's why she's so upset — she has no asshole, so she's filled up with so much shit it's gotten into her brain.

Nostrildamus May 11, 2012 at 12:54 pm

There was a lady, talked of dick
And penis was his name-O
P-E-N-I-S
P-E-N-I-S
P-E-N-I-S
And penis was his name-O.

radio-of-owls May 11, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Please tell me there's someone here that reads lips. I'll die if I don't know what Astonished Front Row Man says around :45 after, "What the HELL..?!"

smitallica May 11, 2012 at 1:13 pm

It appears to be some version of "Are you shittin' me?"
Ironic choice of words, considering the topic at hand.

Texan_Bulldog May 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm

For some reason I keep thinking of "You put the lime in the coconut…" song.

Guppy May 11, 2012 at 1:30 pm

You put the dick in the excrement and wiggle all about…

ElPinche May 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

You put the lotion is the basket…

BornInATrailer May 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

You put the L-I-M-E in the coconut

Sharkey May 11, 2012 at 12:57 pm

She's probably thinking of gerbils, not penis.

weejee May 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

UNESCO is a LGBT front? Aren't they the ones who put the secret bar codes on the Interstate signs?

Skipdallas May 11, 2012 at 6:02 pm

HEY! that is a secret!

ttommyunger May 11, 2012 at 12:58 pm

As fine an example of genuine frontier gibberish as I've ever heard, but I think she confuses "seeing the face of God" with actual death.

prommie May 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

She should have ended it with "And the sherrif is near!"

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

I was just waiting for a "Fuck you, ni**er."

Guppy May 11, 2012 at 1:31 pm

"La petite mort" is just too French for her.

johnnyzhivago May 11, 2012 at 12:59 pm

Having spent a number of years in local government, I can tell you first hand that the opportunity to speak in front of a captive audience brings out the nuttiest people in town.

Fairtackle May 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

That is some good fap material right there.

barto May 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

the guy behind (sorry) her is precious!

miss_grundy May 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

Actually, he is showing a great deal of restraint in his reaction because I would have fallen out of my chair laughing at the woman.

johnnyzhivago May 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm

One thought, if gay sex has a constant 50% fatality rate, where are all of these gay people coming from?

Chichikovovich May 11, 2012 at 1:03 pm

A lot of people evidently figure that even with the risk, it is still better than the lunatic talibangelist life their parents forced on them.

kissawookiee May 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

From Jesus? He turned Judas gay, after all.

Wile E. Quixote May 11, 2012 at 2:28 pm

They're absolutely fabulous at recruiting. Haven't you heard their new slogan: "Homosexuals, we're looking for a few good men."

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:40 am

Duh, Satan, of course.

CapnFatback May 11, 2012 at 1:01 pm

Don't encourage gays; do not harm gays.

Do not taunt Gay Fun Ball.

MiniMencken May 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

Soon to be a Will Forte character on SNL…

WABishop May 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

She rails against homicide but you kind of get the impression she'd be okey-dokey with homocide.

FakaktaSouth May 11, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Kind of OT I guess, but, I'm watching Alex Wagner's NOW on msnbc (an hour delayed, to ff commercials) and Santorum's dude Hogan Gidley is discussing Mitt Romney cutting that kid's hair (to Hog's credit, he said it was terrible). It is weird and uncomfortable for me to watch this man do this. Does Hogan not have anyone in life who loves him enough to tell him that his wig is crooked?

prommie May 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Apparently, baldness actually does affect men, beyond just appearance, I mean. It makes them delusional, so profoundly delusional, that they think their wigs look real. There has never been a fucking dude-wig that fooled anyone on earth except for the fool wearing it.

FakaktaSouth May 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

It looks ri-donk. Michael Steele looks so cool in comparison, or even white guy Eliot Spitzer since I do have an appreciation for the bald black guy thing, whatever. And I dig wanting to look like you want to look, but geez, take your time and get it on there tighter and front-ways. I wish he'd say something stupid and meanly religious, it's easier to watch him look crazy when he talks crazy too.

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:41 am

More to the point, has no one informed Mr. Hogan that he's gay? Actually, being part of the Romney campaign, that would get him fired.

Tundra Grifter May 11, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Just hard to believe it was only two years ago that nice lady was wearing a red dress and interrupting a Congressional town hall meeting, waving around a Baggie with her driver's license in it.

proudgrampa May 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

There was a farmer had a dog,
And Penis was his name-yes.
P-E-N-I-S!
P-E-N-I-S!
P-E-N-I-S!
And Penis was his name-yes!!

It's all I got…

Wile E. Quixote May 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

I like it, it's catchy and bouncing and I'm going to have to make sure that I don't start singing it out loud at work today.

Fare la Volpe May 11, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Looks like the Time Cube guy finally found a bride!

keinsignal May 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

It's too bad Frances E. Dec is dead, these two should have collaborated on a book.

Guppy May 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I'm confused. Is hetero ass-fucking and salad-tossing still OK?

kissawookiee May 11, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Only if you administer antibiotics within 15 minutes, because otherwise, you know, corpses and perishing and cussing will happen.

Guppy May 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

If cussing doesn't accompany your ass-fucking, you're doing it wrong.

johnnyzhivago May 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Ma'm the minibus back to the geriopsychiatric hospital is leaving in 5 minutes.

RavenRant May 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

I think we have found the perfect girlfriend for Basil Marceaux! (.com)

johnnyzhivago May 11, 2012 at 1:13 pm

The clip gets a little ridiculous when she says gays shouldn't be employed in show business or the hair care industry.

Sharkey May 11, 2012 at 1:13 pm

This video was made in 1886.

keinsignal May 11, 2012 at 1:15 pm

That was hot.

Troglodeity May 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Obviously, Obamacare has led to the destruction of all the records documenting the massive rise in ruptured-intestine cases since the gays took over the government.

Wile E. Quixote May 11, 2012 at 2:52 pm

I know, it's amazing, the only case you can still find records of is from an incident in Enumclaw, Washington in 2005. But that's different, because it was a horse cock and Bush was in office, and Enumclaw is in the Republican section of King Country so it didn't count and it's probably Obama's fault anyways.

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 1:16 pm

Crazy Nebraska lady: "I Heart Broken Assholes."

Frank Zappa: "Broken hearts are for Assholes."

Steverino247 May 11, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Are you an asshole, too?

C_R_Eature May 11, 2012 at 5:28 pm

What'cha gonna do? 'Cos yer an Asshole!

Nonono, yeayeayea!

Steverino247 May 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

Whether we choose to accept it or not, each of us is the result of an ejaculating penis.

Wile E. Quixote May 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

Mormodyne systems and the Mittbot 2012 would disagree with you here.

widestanceromance May 11, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Who the hell would want to live that long celibate?

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Apparently, she did

chicken_thief May 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

I think she may have first hand experience with that ruptured intestine thing….

Chow Yun Flat May 11, 2012 at 1:29 pm

Dean Acheson turned Hilary Clinton into a Lesbian?

GlowneyHouse May 11, 2012 at 6:41 pm

Just one of his many crimes, Yes.

rambone May 11, 2012 at 1:32 pm

I didn't realize that Gertrude Stein was still alive.

hagajim May 11, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I once worked for a city that had a resident wingnut like this nice old lady. He came to the council meeting to complain about spending and tried to show something from a book on the overhead projector. Then when it wouldn't work (because the overhead couldn't shine through the book, he got angry and said the Council had made him look dumb on purpose because their machine didn't work with his book. Similar to the nice lady in that he was completely insane.

Fare la Volpe May 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

We used to have a crazy guy who wandered around the lanes of my alma mater rambling about inane conspiracies and imminent threats to our ways of life.

But then he got tenure and mellowed out a lot.

ZHollows May 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Idiocracy has arrived!!! Finally!
When does "Ass: The Movie" get released?

FlyOverGirl May 11, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Some of us think she might be Blue Coat Lady: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Crazy-Blue-Protesti

ElPinche May 11, 2012 at 1:43 pm

"P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines" is the new "wiggling around in excrement." I need to upgrade my meme suppository repository.

ManchuCandidate May 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Lady, you been having too many fantasies about raping your horse.

JustPixelz May 11, 2012 at 1:49 pm

Moderator: Madam, your word is "penis".
Lady: Could you use it in a sentence?
Moderator: The penis goes in the anus.
Lady: "P-E-N-I-S"

(Man, Scripps-Howard just isn't trying any more.)

ElPinche May 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Can I buy a bowel?

BornInATrailer May 11, 2012 at 1:57 pm

This video make anyone else hard?

Callyson May 11, 2012 at 2:17 pm

This video make anyone else hard?

Of hearing? Temporarily, yes…

FlyOverGirl May 11, 2012 at 2:00 pm

Fun fact. There is no registered voter in Nebraska by the name of "Jane Skrovota" as HuffPo ids her – or actually any registered voter by the last name of Skrovota.

When she introduces herself, it sounds more like "Jane Svoboda." There's no "Jane Svoboda" registered to vote in Nebraska who matches her age range.

If you don't vote, why do you care?

Jukesgrrl May 12, 2012 at 12:16 am

More ammo for the theory she's Sasha Baron Cohen's next movie.

Maman May 11, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Someone should explain to Mitt Romney that this is the reason that government is not like business. You have to listen to shit like this all the time.

widestanceromance May 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I have hosted some large G-U-E-S-T-S in my "home", and none have ever even come close to rupturing me. Rather, I was more concerned that they may become crushed in the scuffle. I've never been one to just sit still for long (or thick).

She's been doing it all kinds of wrong.

DahBoner May 11, 2012 at 2:11 pm

Whooo wheee!

They sure do got some mighty fine Horse Penis in Nee- braska!!! 1!!1!!!

Wile E. Quixote May 11, 2012 at 2:31 pm
Jason M. May 11, 2012 at 2:18 pm

We can only hope that her voice, tone and syntax become the industry model for automated-voice systems.

Doktor StrangeZoom May 11, 2012 at 2:24 pm

What is the proper dressing for Word Salad?

OurHoboSenator May 11, 2012 at 3:31 pm

Santorum

Zenobia1960 May 11, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Somebody PLEASE Songify this rant!!

fuflans May 11, 2012 at 2:30 pm

well. we finally found nadine.

Kaia Mursi May 11, 2012 at 6:37 pm

Even Nadine would think this lady is exceptionally bonkers.

mavenmaven May 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Oh, how Dr Freud would have enjoyed this video. Classic anally focused paranoid-schizophrenia.

Jeri 2.0 May 11, 2012 at 2:43 pm

tlo&s/dw (too long, old, and senile/didn't watch, for you computer-jargon illiterates)

Butt, my deeper understanding of the tissue is that there must be humongous penii among the gay population. If she's so concerned, I suggest she goatse some reliable sources for her information before spewing her pearls of jizzdom everywhere.

SenileAgitation May 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

This woman was well prepared and covered an astonishing range of issues pertaining to ways gay ruin everything, but I fear her unusual outfit will distract people from her very important message. If only she had a gay adviser to keep her from this fashion felony!

docterry6973 May 11, 2012 at 2:48 pm

Well, bless her heart.

MarionNYNY May 11, 2012 at 2:50 pm

Connect the dots people!
At what point do the people in the background realize they will go viral?
Now I know EXACTLY what to do if I want to go viral.

Dildeaux May 11, 2012 at 2:54 pm

"Anus licking causes sepsis. If not given medial attention within a half hour, they perish."

WONKETTERS – IMMEDIATELY! TO LOCAL HOSPITALS! STAT! MAKE THAT UBER-STAT!

National_Turkey May 11, 2012 at 3:17 pm

This is exactly like the conversations I hear every week in the checkout line at the supermarket. The salient point (of this comment, not the lady in the video) is that Jane Sribota is everywhere. A neighbor, family member, or coworker watched this, nodding thoughtfully, and speaking out loud to the screen saying, "Yes, yes excellent point. Please tell me more about these homiciders."

OurHoboSenator May 11, 2012 at 3:29 pm

Michele Bachmann looks like shit since she quit the presidential race and moved to Nebraska.

MewissaQ May 11, 2012 at 3:34 pm

Please, someone autotune this!

sati_demise May 11, 2012 at 3:36 pm

Judas was a homo? Who knew?

crybabyboehner May 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Nebraska: the Perfect Place for your Gay Honeymoon! (TM)

Redhead May 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

The expressions being made by the guy sitting right behind her are AWESOME. And he seems to be holding a pocket-sized notebook and pen – I sooooo hope he's a reporter for a local newspaper assigned to cover the nearly-always mind-numbingly-boring town council meetings, who was surprised by this great bit of performance art.

Weenus299 May 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

She forgot to mention that the rectum causes cancer to fall out of your eyes while having insane butt s-e-c-k-s. I guess everyone knows that, so chalk it up to common knowledge.

VaWyo May 11, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Seriously, where do people get this shit? If this was my mother I would have her committed.

randcoolcatdaddy May 11, 2012 at 4:47 pm

I don't know why everyone's laughing. I hear conversations on the streets of North Carolina every day.

PlanetWingNut May 11, 2012 at 4:48 pm

At last we''ve found someone to replace Briebart at CPac

Steverino247 May 11, 2012 at 5:02 pm

Here's what she meant to say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ugUGPDjx_k

BZ1 May 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

look at the guy going berserk behind the sweet old dingbat

sbj1964 May 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

Nebraska is the Gayest state in America! What do you think they do with all those Corn Cobbs?

criminogenic May 11, 2012 at 7:21 pm

Well she liked annal the other night!

she wins the internet!

iburl May 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Orly Taits' identical cousin from Nebraska.

chascates May 11, 2012 at 7:41 pm

Wow, the Eastern Star ladies apparently don't spend their time playing pinochle any more.

DerrickWildcat May 11, 2012 at 8:36 pm

It's Svoboda. Nebraska has a shit ton of Czechs. The Bohemians came here by the tens of thousands in the 1850s. There is a Valparaíso, Nebraska not far from Lincoln where you can see old grave markers that are written in Czech. The farming areas North of Lincoln are called, "The Bohemian Alps." These little towns are full of people with nearly unpronounceable names. http://names.whitepages.com/last/Svoboda
http://names.whitepages.com/last/Kucera
http://names.whitepages.com/last/Novacek
http://names.whitepages.com/last/Pospisil

Ok, you get the idea.
So yeah, It's Svoboda…and boy is she ever amusing.

PubOption May 11, 2012 at 10:07 pm

So the schoolchildren must have AIDS, since the gay teachers rape them because they haven't got AIDS yet.

ElPinche May 12, 2012 at 12:08 am

The conservative collective hates happiness and happy people because it is a miserable piece of shit. Ok I'm making a drink now.

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:29 am

That's got to be a pretty long dick if you're puncturing intestines. lol

The guy's expression at :30 is priceless.

Jukesgrrl May 12, 2012 at 12:33 am

My mouth is dry from having it hang wide open for five whole minutes.

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:36 am

Needz moar Oral Roberts.

I'm finding this impossible to masturbate to.

BTW, she's aware the gheys aren't the only ones partaking in the buttsechs, right?

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 12:54 am

I love how pleased she looke at the end of the video, as if she'd just imparted upon the council secret knowlege. lol I'd be mad at her were it not for me being convinced she has a severe mental illness.

This is why my city only allows 3 minutes for public comment. lol My favorite local council gadflies included a woman who used to sue the pants off the city and came to every meeting in a tiara, and an old black nationalist who was so feeble and earnest that you just wanted to give him a beer, a hug, and then tell him he should sit down and rest his weary feet. I also used to enjoy the few times when they had to call in security to remove belligerents.

steward May 12, 2012 at 1:28 am

I wonder what she thinks happens with a colonoscopy? :-)

mrblifil May 12, 2012 at 2:34 pm

I appreciate she took the time to sit down and organize her thoughts on paper.

glamourdammerung May 12, 2012 at 9:53 pm

The best part? This lady is schizophrenic and under guardianship. Yes, it has gotten to the point where mentally ill rambling and the normal Republican rhetoric is indistinguishable.

The story about her mental health issues here.

usernameguy May 12, 2012 at 10:05 pm

Not to be the Debbie Downer liberal guilt guy, but we liberals mocking this lady doesn't really make us much better than prep-school era Mitt Romney.

Negropolis May 12, 2012 at 10:18 pm

She might be crazy, but she's sane enough to be political, and politics are always fair game. I've known a lot of mentally handicapped individuals and those not so handicapped by their mental illnesses, and let me tell you that being metally ill doesn't make one a dick. I've known specially abled folks as nice as nice can be, and others who are mean as snakes. It's pretty clear to me that this woman isn't just spouting random "facts", but has a malicious intent for doing so.

Veritas78 May 12, 2012 at 10:57 pm

Agreed. Not only did she get this stuff from somewhere, she was happily receptive to it.

It does strongly suggest that Santorum and other obsessionists may be further along the spectrum towards mental illness than is generally recognized, which has had a specific political impact on some of us.

I resent being compared to Romney for calling a crazy lady crazy.

glamourdammerung May 12, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Given some of the comment's her brother made, I get the impression that he puts her up to this just to then whine about "liberals picking on the mentally ill lady".

glamourdammerung May 12, 2012 at 11:00 pm

I have not made fun of her one bit. And unlike Mitt's "pranks", I certainly have not assaulted her.

I stand by my statement of how schizophrenic ramblings and mainstream Republican positions are pretty much indistinguishable and also note that Republicans were and still are defending her stances without realizing that she is severely mentally ill.

Biel_ze_Bubba May 17, 2012 at 12:07 am

"I think this whole thing just reflects on the general society," Patrick Svoboda said. He said mentally ill people have rights unless they are trying to hurt themselves or others.

They have the right to become Republicans, certainly.

heywhat1 May 13, 2012 at 6:18 am

Hillary Clinton had a gay roommate. Now she's gay too! Wait, what? The guy in the glasses to her left WTF faces cracked me up.

Ben May 13, 2012 at 12:13 pm

And that,right there,is why they invented the teevee.

Good times…

fitley May 13, 2012 at 10:06 pm

Well I guess everybody in in North Carolina isn't a giant encephalitic headed, toothless, inbred goober.

KasbahJes May 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

This lady is cannot be serious. This has to be an act of performance art. Her pronunciation is a little over-the-top.

dopper0189 May 18, 2012 at 3:32 am

Just for fun can some hot Nebraskan Lesbians hit on this woman and post it on Youtube, I would love to see her reaction LOL

blueeyedjim August 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm

You can do way better, Wonkette. Really.

Barrelhse August 23, 2012 at 9:21 pm

Hey,Jane- Svoboda blow-job?

BSG075 August 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm

I didn't get to see the video before it was taken down, but I have turned p-e-n-i-s… into a Bloodhound Gang song and my head can't stop playing it.

GOPCrusher May 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

You too? I hate that when that happens.

actor212 May 11, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Wow. I didn't think it was contagious. My apologies.

NellCote71 May 11, 2012 at 8:58 pm

Oh, my God. I don't know why this struck me so funny, but I laughed loud enough to chase my dog back upstairs.

Grief_Lessons May 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm

Did you just rip off Paul Schaefer?

emmelemm May 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

I initially read that as "semi-pubic area". Sounds about right…

MaxNeanderthal May 11, 2012 at 5:03 pm

Like my six year old daughter telling her Grandmother about her practice for the village May dance. "I'm going pole dancing, Granny!"

criminogenic May 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm

she gobbles like a Turkey.

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