bone bone's connected to the mouth bone

‘P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines’ Says Nebraska Lady, Nobody Sure Why

hot gay sex orgyWELL! Thank you Wonkette operative “OkieDokieDog,” for passing along this film of great beauty and poetry. It is of a Nebraska lady getting all hot and nasty about Gay Sex Orgiers, with their P-E-N-I-S-es. They are Homiciders. And the UN/UNESCO, somehow. We do not know. But it should certainly have more than 313 views, so click where it says “READ MORE” and read more!

This lady seems very nice. She is probably your mom.

UPDATE: The video has now been marked private, maybe because the lady therein is actually schizophrenic, and goes to these meetings about two times a month, and the council waits patiently while she goes on her schizophrenic rant, and don’t we all feel terrible? So now we will provide an alternate copy, so that we may all watch and then switch from pointing and laughing to tsk-tsking about the state of mental health services in this country (thanks REAGAN!) and howl at the further cuts that are coming instead of laughing at this lady for being crazy because she actually is. Your Wonkette is not in the habit of making fun of the powerless unless they are super racist and/or rednecky, and also let’s all send $5 to a local homeless shelter or something, and then we can all feel better about having made 20,000 pageviews worth of fun of poor Jane Svoboda.

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

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286 comments

  1. bureaucrap

    I always get my gay sex advice from little old ladies in Lincoln Nebraska. They're also a great source for sex toys and lubricants.

      1. bureaucrap

        Pity he didn't win. It would have been fun to watch them dialogue with each other.

      2. George Spelvin

        Darn, I clicked on that thinking to see Mac Rebbonack running for City Council.

  2. Barb

    "gays, spies and orgiers"
    I guffawed!

    Whitney Houston was found in a bathtub without any clothes on.
    Anal licking causes sepsis!

    The batshit crazy lady in the marshmallow hat is fucking hilarious!

    1. JustPixelz

      "gays, spies and orgiers"
      Was she at the Wonkette meet up? I saw breast pix, but no hats.

      " in a bathtub without any clothes on"
      If bathing was meant to be done in the nude, god would not have created bathing suits.

    2. DeeJayKitteh

      If I didn't know any better, I would've sworn she was in one of those Bad Lip Reading videos. This is obviously a case of reality being funnier than fiction.

  3. C_R_Eature

    "P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines"?

    This woman has clearly seen too many Long Dong Silver videos.

          1. C_R_Eature

            I am endowed beyond your
            Clearasil-Spattered fantasies…

            Where else can you hear that sort of social commentary, eh?

  4. EatsBabyDingos

    Sometimes a three pound summer sausage is just a three pound summer sausage. Sometimes.

  5. FakaktaSouth

    Woohoo, made it to :50. So she is saying that butt sex makes you want to kill people? She has been listening too closely to the housewives at the gym and got all confused.

    Also, she'll say anus but penis was too much? Does she know what anuses ARE? Besides the gateway to homicide?

      1. FakaktaSouth

        This is what I am saying. You can't take "oh my god I am going to KILL him for what he did to my ass last night" literally, amirite?

  6. actor212

    Orgiers?

    I've heard of Algiers, Tangiers and Bob Giers (believe it or not, he's in charge of bicycle planning in Boston), but never Orgiers.

    Where is this place? Can I fly first class?

        1. Barb

          Okay, I really shouldn't share this horrible story. What the hell, Cricket doesn't read Wonkette.

          My daughter, sweet and shy little kindergarten teacher for the deaf kiddies was on a date at the Friendly's ice cream restaurant and her date brought his parents. At the end of the meal she ordered dessert and asked for a "Reeses Penis Butter Sundae." She was mortified!

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            Lol. Reminds me of the time I was out to dinner with my wife and I meant to say "pass the butter," and it came out "You've ruined my life, you relentlessly nagging, spiteful harpy."

          2. NellCote71

            Oh, my God. I don't know why this struck me so funny, but I laughed loud enough to chase my dog back upstairs.

          3. James Michael Curley

            When my son was about 4 we were out and the waitress bought utensils wrapped up nicely in napkins. While Mrs. Curley and I were talking my son picked them up and started saying loudly "Here's your forkin' knife, here's your forkin' knife." The place got very quiet.

          4. MaxNeanderthal

            Like my six year old daughter telling her Grandmother about her practice for the village May dance. "I'm going pole dancing, Granny!"

          5. BerkeleyBear

            I had a neck injury in high school. I'm at the doc's, and my x-ray is up in a semi-public area. Cute girl is standing there and (I think) talking about a similar condition to mine with her mom. I roll up and decide to say something about our common issue. Only, while I think I say "I've got a bulging disc" I am heard as the creepy weirdo talking about his bulging dick. Needless to say, no one was impressed.

  7. Callyson

    "Where are our schoolteachers who should be speaking about this today?"

    They're at home getting laid. You remember doing that, it was fun sometimes, remember? Oh, no, you don't remember that? Well, that explains a lot…

    1. FakaktaSouth

      I'm pretty confident that any teacher speaking about busting people's intestines during butt sex orgies would get fired – teacher's union or no.

        1. Veritas78

          But please wait until the sepsis has had a chance to set in after the anus-licking. I hear the lounge is usually quiet from 4:05 to 4:30.

    2. GOPCrusher

      These are the same people that scream the loudest about teachers teaching their children about the proper use of a condom.

  8. Exhausted66

    Suffering Succotash, them are some f'd up bullet points Vicky Lawrence costume wearer!

  9. SorosBot

    Only gays go to gender studies? Huh, I took gender studies and didn't realize that I must be gay.

      1. Skipdallas

        Kissawookie? Is that some new Internet slang I am unaware of? Or a new sex practice that I need to know about? :-)
        The candida comment is just yukky! :-)

  10. kissawookiee

    Anus licking causing Fs and Ds unless antibiotics are administered to corpses without clothes while watching Winter Wipeout with your lesbian professors and this is deranged thinking in the orgiers baths while everyone perishes with candida while cussing during treason.

    Did I get that all right?

    1. sewollef

      Verbatim. Couldn't have said it better myself.

      Oh, and thanks for making it even clearer…

  11. HobbesEvilTwin

    Rick Santorum meets James Joyce. Wow! What a beautiful stream of consciousness piece of performance art.

    1. Skipdallas

      That would depend on your boyfriend I would think. Just because monkeys may one day fly out of your anus does not mean this poor misguided woman is right about anything! Except the sad state of our public education.

    1. OneYieldRegular

      That guy really needs an award of some sort. Perhaps election to Lincoln City Council?

  12. SorosBot

    I love the guy sitting behind the crazy lady; he cannot stop laughing and making "what the fuck is this woman saying?" faces at her bigoted lunatic rambling.

    1. Skipdallas

      Yeah, his show and hers together! And for the same price! I would have been doing about the same face-palm's as he. He was probably the only one with in range of the camera. You notice he was talking to someone, so I would think that his antics were being at least agreed to, if not reciprocated.

  13. Callyson

    Also, I love watching the reaction of the guy sitting behind her. Don't know WTF the rest of the audience is sitting there as if this deranged nut is speaking about potholes and noise ordinances and the like…

    1. Geminisunmars

      I was thinking I would enjoy seeing the faces of the council, but they've probably sat through this kind of crazy before.

      1. GOPCrusher

        Yeah. Ron Brown who is a coach for Nebraska Football is getting flailed in the national sports media for showing up at a Lincoln City Council meeting regaled in University of Nebraska swag and basically doing his best Fred Phelps impersonation.

    2. DemmeFatale

      Maybe it's hour 3 of the meeting, and they are almost bored into a coma-like state.
      And don't you think that Ol' Marshmallow-Head is strangely calm for someone off her meds?

  14. FlownOver

    Here I sit, geographically bracketed by this mild-mannered feeb and Sen. James Inhofe, less mild-mannered but no less shithouse-rat loony.

    Pray for us in Brownbackistan, for we make these defective carbon units seem sane by comparison.

  15. HobbesEvilTwin

    don't forget that naked people in bathtubs are always dead because someone killed them.

  16. bureaucrap

    Don't laugh; she's Romney's nominee for Surgeon General.

    Although I do have to admire the aplomb with which she cites morbidity/mortality and educational achievement statistics which she is clearly making up as she goes.

  17. Joshua Norton

    My ex-wife told me she thinks gay marriage is just fine. However, straight marriage should be a felony.

    I think she's still bitter about the breakup.

    1. rickmaci

      I happen to agree that gays are entitled to experience all the anger and bitterness of marriage that we straights endure but I have this strange sense that gay marriages will end up being more sustained with lower divorce rates than straight marriages. Sort of a balancing of the karma thing.

    2. Limeylizzie

      You must be a sexy bastard to incur such hatred. All the ones I hate were insanely good at the cunnilingus.

  18. Dashboard Buddha

    Wow…this was better than the NH lady who was going on about wriggling in excrement.

  19. smitallica

    I need to share with this woman some of the blacks-on-blondes porn sites I frequent. Those monster p-e-n-i-s-e-s don't have to get anywhere near the anus to cause some rupturing, believe me.

  20. Callyson

    "Gays can transform to be celibate to live to be eighty years old."

    What, so they can get all the aggravation of getting older without any of the fun of having sex? Yeah, fuck that…

    1. OneYieldRegular

      My gay neighbor is 82 and in terrific health. He hasn't stopped picking up guys since he was about 14.

  21. SexySmurf

    It's a good thing she wrote down what she wanted to say ahead of time, or else it would have sounded confused and nonsensical.

    1. qwerty42

      Yeah, I think she had to have it written down because of the dense reasoning and logic she was bringing to the case. She is the next Wittgenstein or Russell. Or Gödel.

    2. Skipdallas

      And exactly what about her presentation sounded sensible and un-confused? Oh yeah! I remember now: It was when she stated her name.

  22. smitallica

    Watching this again, I'm convinced this is just brilliant performance art. It has to be. Doesn't it?

    1. qwerty42

      Not sure; I'm looking for her to give a keynote at the Republican Convention this summer.

  23. bureaucrap

    Committee Chair: "And now we're going to have an hour of testimony from members of the public who are paranoid schizophrenics."

  24. MissTaken

    80% of those who did treason in 2000 were gay.

    Well, can't argue with that kind of logic.

    1. SorosBot

      It certainly was an eye-opener for me, along with learning that gay people don't live past 40 unless they're the celibate.

      1. PlanetWingNut

        I'm 41 now…gonna be 42 in 8 days (god willing) and i eat butt…i must be the walking dead…OH OFFICER RICK….I HAZ MY EYE ON YOU!!!!

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      And she knows this because … she was there, taking notes and taking names?

    3. Skipdallas

      What if there were only 3 traitors in 2000? That would skew her numbers a bit I think. I mean at an estimated 10% of the population, even if 2 of the 3 were gay traitors, that is just 66 point whatever percent, hardly 80%
      And most traitors are closeted, (it just goes with the territory)

  25. kissawookiee

    I guess the fact that all gay people turn their partners into corpses would explain Lesbian Bed Death.

  26. SorosBot

    "Who would you rather have, Judas the homo or Jesus the celibate?" Fuck this is nuts.

  27. vodkamuppet

    Can we suspend the wonkette commenting rules for radicals for this post, pretty please?

  28. C_R_Eature

    P-E-N-I-S Goes In. P-E-N-I-S Goes out. never a miscommunication.

    Teslacle's Deviant to Fudd's Law: "It goes in, it must come out."
    Fudd's First Law of Opposition: "If you push something hard enough, it will fall over."

    Science!

  29. prommie

    Sasha Baron Cohen's next movie, The Church Lady. Amazing makeup job, he is an incredible mimic, isn't he?

    1. radio-of-owls

      I really don't go in for remakes, but maybe The Dicktator II has some potential.

  30. Fuck Toad

    I've never ruptured anyone's intestines. And let me tell you, I've given it a good go once or twice. I question this lady's science.

      1. Fuck Toad

        Someone should tell this lady that ladies have butt holes too. I wonder if that's why she's so upset — she has no asshole, so she's filled up with so much shit it's gotten into her brain.

  31. Nostrildamus

    There was a lady, talked of dick
    And penis was his name-O
    P-E-N-I-S
    P-E-N-I-S
    P-E-N-I-S
    And penis was his name-O.

  32. radio-of-owls

    Please tell me there's someone here that reads lips. I'll die if I don't know what Astonished Front Row Man says around :45 after, "What the HELL..?!"

    1. smitallica

      It appears to be some version of "Are you shittin' me?"
      Ironic choice of words, considering the topic at hand.

  33. ttommyunger

    As fine an example of genuine frontier gibberish as I've ever heard, but I think she confuses "seeing the face of God" with actual death.

  34. johnnyzhivago

    Having spent a number of years in local government, I can tell you first hand that the opportunity to speak in front of a captive audience brings out the nuttiest people in town.

    1. miss_grundy

      Actually, he is showing a great deal of restraint in his reaction because I would have fallen out of my chair laughing at the woman.

    1. Chichikovovich

      A lot of people evidently figure that even with the risk, it is still better than the lunatic talibangelist life their parents forced on them.

    2. Wile E. Quixote

      They're absolutely fabulous at recruiting. Haven't you heard their new slogan: "Homosexuals, we're looking for a few good men."

  35. FakaktaSouth

    Kind of OT I guess, but, I'm watching Alex Wagner's NOW on msnbc (an hour delayed, to ff commercials) and Santorum's dude Hogan Gidley is discussing Mitt Romney cutting that kid's hair (to Hog's credit, he said it was terrible). It is weird and uncomfortable for me to watch this man do this. Does Hogan not have anyone in life who loves him enough to tell him that his wig is crooked?

    1. prommie

      Apparently, baldness actually does affect men, beyond just appearance, I mean. It makes them delusional, so profoundly delusional, that they think their wigs look real. There has never been a fucking dude-wig that fooled anyone on earth except for the fool wearing it.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        It looks ri-donk. Michael Steele looks so cool in comparison, or even white guy Eliot Spitzer since I do have an appreciation for the bald black guy thing, whatever. And I dig wanting to look like you want to look, but geez, take your time and get it on there tighter and front-ways. I wish he'd say something stupid and meanly religious, it's easier to watch him look crazy when he talks crazy too.

    2. Negropolis

      More to the point, has no one informed Mr. Hogan that he's gay? Actually, being part of the Romney campaign, that would get him fired.

  36. Tundra Grifter

    Just hard to believe it was only two years ago that nice lady was wearing a red dress and interrupting a Congressional town hall meeting, waving around a Baggie with her driver's license in it.

  37. proudgrampa

    There was a farmer had a dog,
    And Penis was his name-yes.
    P-E-N-I-S!
    P-E-N-I-S!
    P-E-N-I-S!
    And Penis was his name-yes!!

    It's all I got…

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I like it, it's catchy and bouncing and I'm going to have to make sure that I don't start singing it out loud at work today.

    1. keinsignal

      It's too bad Frances E. Dec is dead, these two should have collaborated on a book.

    1. kissawookiee

      Only if you administer antibiotics within 15 minutes, because otherwise, you know, corpses and perishing and cussing will happen.

  38. Troglodeity

    Obviously, Obamacare has led to the destruction of all the records documenting the massive rise in ruptured-intestine cases since the gays took over the government.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      I know, it's amazing, the only case you can still find records of is from an incident in Enumclaw, Washington in 2005. But that's different, because it was a horse cock and Bush was in office, and Enumclaw is in the Republican section of King Country so it didn't count and it's probably Obama's fault anyways.

  39. Steverino247

    Whether we choose to accept it or not, each of us is the result of an ejaculating penis.

      1. chicken_thief

        I think she may have first hand experience with that ruptured intestine thing….

  40. hagajim

    I once worked for a city that had a resident wingnut like this nice old lady. He came to the council meeting to complain about spending and tried to show something from a book on the overhead projector. Then when it wouldn't work (because the overhead couldn't shine through the book, he got angry and said the Council had made him look dumb on purpose because their machine didn't work with his book. Similar to the nice lady in that he was completely insane.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      We used to have a crazy guy who wandered around the lanes of my alma mater rambling about inane conspiracies and imminent threats to our ways of life.

      But then he got tenure and mellowed out a lot.

  41. ElPinche

    "P-E-N-I-S Goes Into The Anus To Rupture Intestines" is the new "wiggling around in excrement." I need to upgrade my meme suppository repository.

  42. JustPixelz

    Moderator: Madam, your word is "penis".
    Lady: Could you use it in a sentence?
    Moderator: The penis goes in the anus.
    Lady: "P-E-N-I-S"

    (Man, Scripps-Howard just isn't trying any more.)

  43. FlyOverGirl

    Fun fact. There is no registered voter in Nebraska by the name of "Jane Skrovota" as HuffPo ids her – or actually any registered voter by the last name of Skrovota.

    When she introduces herself, it sounds more like "Jane Svoboda." There's no "Jane Svoboda" registered to vote in Nebraska who matches her age range.

    If you don't vote, why do you care?

  44. Maman

    Someone should explain to Mitt Romney that this is the reason that government is not like business. You have to listen to shit like this all the time.

  45. widestanceromance

    I have hosted some large G-U-E-S-T-S in my "home", and none have ever even come close to rupturing me. Rather, I was more concerned that they may become crushed in the scuffle. I've never been one to just sit still for long (or thick).

    She's been doing it all kinds of wrong.

  46. DahBoner

    Whooo wheee!

    They sure do got some mighty fine Horse Penis in Nee- braska!!! 1!!1!!!

  47. Jason M.

    We can only hope that her voice, tone and syntax become the industry model for automated-voice systems.

  48. mavenmaven

    Oh, how Dr Freud would have enjoyed this video. Classic anally focused paranoid-schizophrenia.

  49. Jeri 2.0

    tlo&s/dw (too long, old, and senile/didn't watch, for you computer-jargon illiterates)

    Butt, my deeper understanding of the tissue is that there must be humongous penii among the gay population. If she's so concerned, I suggest she goatse some reliable sources for her information before spewing her pearls of jizzdom everywhere.

  50. SenileAgitation

    This woman was well prepared and covered an astonishing range of issues pertaining to ways gay ruin everything, but I fear her unusual outfit will distract people from her very important message. If only she had a gay adviser to keep her from this fashion felony!

  51. MarionNYNY

    Connect the dots people!
    At what point do the people in the background realize they will go viral?
    Now I know EXACTLY what to do if I want to go viral.

  52. Dildeaux

    "Anus licking causes sepsis. If not given medial attention within a half hour, they perish."

    WONKETTERS – IMMEDIATELY! TO LOCAL HOSPITALS! STAT! MAKE THAT UBER-STAT!

  53. National_Turkey

    This is exactly like the conversations I hear every week in the checkout line at the supermarket. The salient point (of this comment, not the lady in the video) is that Jane Sribota is everywhere. A neighbor, family member, or coworker watched this, nodding thoughtfully, and speaking out loud to the screen saying, "Yes, yes excellent point. Please tell me more about these homiciders."

  54. OurHoboSenator

    Michele Bachmann looks like shit since she quit the presidential race and moved to Nebraska.

  55. Redhead

    The expressions being made by the guy sitting right behind her are AWESOME. And he seems to be holding a pocket-sized notebook and pen – I sooooo hope he's a reporter for a local newspaper assigned to cover the nearly-always mind-numbingly-boring town council meetings, who was surprised by this great bit of performance art.

  56. Weenus299

    She forgot to mention that the rectum causes cancer to fall out of your eyes while having insane butt s-e-c-k-s. I guess everyone knows that, so chalk it up to common knowledge.

  57. VaWyo

    Seriously, where do people get this shit? If this was my mother I would have her committed.

  58. randcoolcatdaddy

    I don't know why everyone's laughing. I hear conversations on the streets of North Carolina every day.

  59. sbj1964

    Nebraska is the Gayest state in America! What do you think they do with all those Corn Cobbs?

  60. chascates

    Wow, the Eastern Star ladies apparently don't spend their time playing pinochle any more.

  61. DerrickWildcat

    It's Svoboda. Nebraska has a shit ton of Czechs. The Bohemians came here by the tens of thousands in the 1850s. There is a Valparaíso, Nebraska not far from Lincoln where you can see old grave markers that are written in Czech. The farming areas North of Lincoln are called, "The Bohemian Alps." These little towns are full of people with nearly unpronounceable names. http://names.whitepages.com/last/Svoboda
    http://names.whitepages.com/last/Kucera
    http://names.whitepages.com/last/Novacek
    http://names.whitepages.com/last/Pospisil

    Ok, you get the idea.
    So yeah, It's Svoboda…and boy is she ever amusing.

  62. PubOption

    So the schoolchildren must have AIDS, since the gay teachers rape them because they haven't got AIDS yet.

  63. ElPinche

    The conservative collective hates happiness and happy people because it is a miserable piece of shit. Ok I'm making a drink now.

  64. Negropolis

    That's got to be a pretty long dick if you're puncturing intestines. lol

    The guy's expression at :30 is priceless.

  65. Negropolis

    Needz moar Oral Roberts.

    I'm finding this impossible to masturbate to.

    BTW, she's aware the gheys aren't the only ones partaking in the buttsechs, right?

  66. Negropolis

    I love how pleased she looke at the end of the video, as if she'd just imparted upon the council secret knowlege. lol I'd be mad at her were it not for me being convinced she has a severe mental illness.

    This is why my city only allows 3 minutes for public comment. lol My favorite local council gadflies included a woman who used to sue the pants off the city and came to every meeting in a tiara, and an old black nationalist who was so feeble and earnest that you just wanted to give him a beer, a hug, and then tell him he should sit down and rest his weary feet. I also used to enjoy the few times when they had to call in security to remove belligerents.

    1. usernameguy

      Not to be the Debbie Downer liberal guilt guy, but we liberals mocking this lady doesn't really make us much better than prep-school era Mitt Romney.

      1. Negropolis

        She might be crazy, but she's sane enough to be political, and politics are always fair game. I've known a lot of mentally handicapped individuals and those not so handicapped by their mental illnesses, and let me tell you that being metally ill doesn't make one a dick. I've known specially abled folks as nice as nice can be, and others who are mean as snakes. It's pretty clear to me that this woman isn't just spouting random "facts", but has a malicious intent for doing so.

        1. Veritas78

          Agreed. Not only did she get this stuff from somewhere, she was happily receptive to it.

          It does strongly suggest that Santorum and other obsessionists may be further along the spectrum towards mental illness than is generally recognized, which has had a specific political impact on some of us.

          I resent being compared to Romney for calling a crazy lady crazy.

        2. glamourdammerung

          Given some of the comment's her brother made, I get the impression that he puts her up to this just to then whine about "liberals picking on the mentally ill lady".

      2. glamourdammerung

        I have not made fun of her one bit. And unlike Mitt's "pranks", I certainly have not assaulted her.

        I stand by my statement of how schizophrenic ramblings and mainstream Republican positions are pretty much indistinguishable and also note that Republicans were and still are defending her stances without realizing that she is severely mentally ill.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      "I think this whole thing just reflects on the general society," Patrick Svoboda said. He said mentally ill people have rights unless they are trying to hurt themselves or others.

      They have the right to become Republicans, certainly.

  67. heywhat1

    Hillary Clinton had a gay roommate. Now she's gay too! Wait, what? The guy in the glasses to her left WTF faces cracked me up.

  68. fitley

    Well I guess everybody in in North Carolina isn't a giant encephalitic headed, toothless, inbred goober.

  69. KasbahJes

    This lady is cannot be serious. This has to be an act of performance art. Her pronunciation is a little over-the-top.

  70. dopper0189

    Just for fun can some hot Nebraskan Lesbians hit on this woman and post it on Youtube, I would love to see her reaction LOL

  71. BSG075

    I didn't get to see the video before it was taken down, but I have turned p-e-n-i-s… into a Bloodhound Gang song and my head can't stop playing it.

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