A Children’s Treasury Of Drunken Wonker Perverts And Weirdos

  tits or g.t.f.o.

It was fun we think?HELLO PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS, here are your pictures from the first in a series of Wonkette Drinky Things and Meetups, this one in Los Angeles. Bammerz did not drop in, my head hurts. There will be only light posting today, so all of you who complain about how there are too many posts waaah you can not read through every single comment on every single one, today you get a reprieve. Do not get used to it! Tomorrow there will be 37 posts! AND YOU WILL LIKE IT! Pictures of a lady’s breasts after the jump.

Here are the breasts of a lady. (Total lady count: four! Including Callyson and T-Bogg’s wife, Brenda, who drove up from San Diego! Benincasa flaked.)


Here is a really pretty picture of Kirsten! It was taken by someone, M. Bouffant we think.

Here are the people. (Probably about 40 people? It was a good turnout!) Some youngs came! Chilequiles drove up from Santana, but most of the youngs came from Silverlake and Los Feliz, because hipsters.

And here is Chilequiles, with me. Look how cute he is, you guys! Everyone was very nice, and they will immediately tell you what a grand time they all had, RIGHT?

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Rebecca is the editor and publisher of Wonkette. She is the author of Commie Girl in the O.C., a collection of her OC Weekly columns, and the former editor of LA CityBeat. Go visit her Commie Girl Collective, and follow her on the Twitter!

View all articles by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Hola wonkerados.

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233 comments

  1. nounverb911

    I'm proud to be associated with this motley crowd. When are you coming to Seattle?

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        And if you had the meetup in Seattle (like we asked, Rebecca) then Bammerz *might* have dropped in, since he was already in the nabe.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            My bad. Should have been in Seattle day before yesterday. I think. Clooney would have been welcome, too. Heck, my not-very-politically aware wife would have even come.

          2. anniegetyerfun

            He was in Seattle for, like, four hours yesterday. But the evening was at Clooney's.

          3. BerkeleyBear

            Yeah, but that was only after hoovering up funds in Coffeetown yesterday afternoon, is what Lascaux is referencing. And being a lower key series of events, we might have had a Pacific NW brush with greatness.

          4. Mumbletypeg

            Yeah Craig Ferguson was talking about the nightmare of traffic snarls due to the multitude of big-timey events including that one. I felt for you guys, any who were wending your way through queues of other stalled motorists to get to your destination! Even just hearing traffic backups described on tv makes me cringe, is how much I loathe them.

          5. Designer_Rants

            As a farm boy, I always thought people bitching about traffic were whiny. Then I lived in a city for years and finally moved back to the farm. Traffic sucks.

        1. weejee

          We'll be there next Thursday, get there about 6:00 Look for a table filled with oldes singing union hymns. As soon as my right hand comes around from having been in a cast for a couple of months, we'll be moving to the CD. Easier to get tennis courts at Garfield Community Center than Green Lake area. Then it's off to the Elysian or wherever.

      2. bagofmice

        Yeah! If there is drinking and snark in Seattle, I expect to be present! /snarkbubble

        1. weejee

          BOM, see above. At the Latona ask for Coral and have her point-out the guy from the CD and his buds who have been drinking there since Hank Yesler was skidding logs down skid road.

          If we want to do a largish meet, we can grab the upstairs. Just need to know ahead.

    1. kissawookiee

      I am escaping Tucson for a brief Seattle respite in a couple of weeks, so if there's a cool kid thing happening anywhere in the vicinity of Cap Hill, please tell me. You know, so I can linger outside and debate going in for about an hour, then finally work up the nerve just about the time the party's breaking up so that the last person out can look at me confusedly and say uh yeah you're who now? umm gotta go bye. Then I will sit on the curb and sob. In other words, a fairly typical social interaction.

    2. UnholyMoses

      I'd like on here in KC, but doubt there are many Wonketteers in this area.

      Ya know, Kansas being so close and all, the stupid tends to leach across the border, mix with the Show Me Stupid, to create a quivering pile of retar–um, even more stupid.

    1. BTWBFDIMHO

      WOW, you clearly need to look for Jesus. Once you found him, I'll pay for your drinks.

    2. Steverino247

      That sounds a helluva lot better than what I was doing before I left for the party.

    3. BTWBFDIMHO

      Tearful masturbation may result from imagining Kirsten, Sara and Rebbeca in the same room.

    1. CivicHoliday

      Yes yes yes!!! We poor midwestern purple(ish) staters never seem to have any fun. :(

    2. WunkRocker

      Also North Carolina. We can meet out in Greensboro by the tree they lynch horndog ex-prezi hopeful, John Edwards. But there will absolutely no gay marrying. First abortion is on me though. Hurry up while it is still legal.

  2. actor212

    By the way, haven't any of you people heard of a little thing you use to take pictures indoors called a "flash"? Marvelous little invention. Some of them even fire off more than once in a row!

    1. vulpes82

      But the indiscernible murk is so ARTISTIC! Also, maybe CommieBrother took the pictures, and flashes are, like, the tool of the MAN, and he refuses to use them?

    2. MissTaken

      It's a well-established Wonkett tradition that all pics must be with no flash, blurry, and often with heads cut off. No sense in breaking the mold now!

      1. not that Radio

        And if you want an A , make sure they appear on the website sideways, 4 times the width of the screen, like Newell and Riley used to do.

    3. Mumbletypeg

      That threw me for a minute too, the lack of light. In the 4th (5th?) photo showing standers-around-bar and chatting-up-booth-occupants: what I at first thought was sunlight visible through window openings turned out to be the LCD screens of a bunch of wall-mounted tv sets.

      1. FakaktaSouth

        I thought I saw a baby in the bar and I was all excited like Bristol showed up, but then I realized it's probably someone sitting. I can't see shit in that picture, but it is still exactly what I imagine my peeps look like. Dark and hazey. Nice.

        1. Chichikovovich

          And I expect that she was one of the most coherent and logically cogent of the anti-gay speakers that day.

    4. Chichikovovich

      On purpose. It's like on TV when they obscure the faces of people who haven't been charged with anything yet.

    5. IndianaKevin

      I believe the photographer was giving us the perspective of wearing sunglasses indoors at night. It makes us all cool.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Hey, cheer up. You still have your mighty NBA SuperSonics uh, Thunderheads, is it? In the playoffs, no less!

      (Yeah. I know. Like, "yay.")

      1. OkieDokieDog

        I quit caring about the NBA when Magic retired. Then decided I liked bad boy Charles Barkley (I even have some Phoenix Suns silk boxer shorts) and then when he retired I quit watching again. I still have a crush on Pat Riley though.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Wait a minute — I might've been there — I spent last night in a dark room with a television on, drinking and barely socializing. No wait — that's my life. Sorry.

    1. actor212

      You…you didn't just call our lovely Sara a pig now, did you?

      Because if you did, I have a good mind to post a letter to my local newspaper in protest!

      1. BigSkullF*ckingDog

        Those birds have every right to be angry. Did you see what those pigs did to their eggs?!

  4. Barb

    There won't be many posts today so I might as well post this here:

    Okay, bitches! Tomorrow is Stamp Out Hunger Day in America. http://www.helpstampouthunger.com/

    I would appreciate it if everyone would go to their pantry and grab a few things and leave it for the letter carrier by your mailbox tomorrow, May 12th. You don't even have to put on pants to do this. Hell, I am going to do it pantless and my mailbox is on another street!

    Thanks!

    1. metamarcisf

      I've been looking forward to this ever since I accidently bought that case of creamed corn at Smith's back in November. Bag is packed and ready to go.

        1. James Michael Curley

          A whole pot of pasta – with the pot.A large, fortunately still living, white rabbit.A bikini bottom. A Colt .45 automatic – safety off with a round in the chamber.Many objects more mundane.I worked for a year in the post office in Haworth, NJ before being drafted. Living there at the time were Teri Shields and her little baby girl, a very eccentric relative of Malcolm Forbes, trumpeter Clark Terry and Saxman Stanley Turrentine (Whose lawn I used to cut.) and Douglas Dillon. One of the women on the window in the PO was the daughter of Al Smith and she gave me an autographed cartoon of his when I left to go off to the Army.

          1. Barb

            Gosh, the only thing I find in my mailbox is bills and magazines with perfume samples that make me sneeze.

          2. James Michael Curley

            I should have specified these were the mail boxes people were supposed to be dropping only letters in on street corners and at the Swim club, ergo the bikini bottom. A couple days a week I had the route where I had to pick up the contents of all the boxes.

          3. Designer_Rants

            Drafted? For Viet Nam?
            What happened to the gun?

            My wife found a handgun (unloaded, revolver, with box of bullets, all sitting inside of a silver water pitcher) in our house about a month ago. It's not shocking, since we bought the house from a relative who passed away and some of their stuff was left behind, but she's so meticulous that it's surprising she didn't find it in the back of the little cupboard above the fridge for the 4 years since we moved in.

            She was really skittish around it, but I showed her how to break it to make sure it wasn't loaded, then I re-hid it.

          4. James Michael Curley

            Drafted for Vietnam, yes. Time frame, we had our physical but were supposed to go directly to Ft. Dix. However the Newark Riots were going on and they put us in the Robert Trent hotel for the night. The next morning plans changed and we were allowed to go home and given a few weeks to report back .As I updated to Barb, these were the boxes one deposits outgoing mail in. GOP (general operating procedure)’s were to leave anything dangerous and report back to the post office immediately (The summer 1967 the papers were filled with mail box bombs in Quebec and Montreal). However I brought it back. The post master was not in and our office asshole decided to demonstrate his prowess but only jammed the thing trying to un-chamber the round AFTER he removed the clip. This created a dangerous situation and we had the local police department take it away. A few weeks later I got a visit from the inspector general to be interviewed about the incident. Never learned anything else.

  5. Blueb4sunrise

    I'm gonna use the the glorious editrix GTFO photo for wallpaper. Not on the monitor…I mean WALLpaper.

      1. Blueb4sunrise

        I know what you mean, but I have to stand because if I lay down I fall asleep immediately.

  6. MissTaken

    I dreamt last night that I went to a Wonkette drinky thingy and it was just homeless people. I felt right at home.

      1. C_R_Eature

        Please feel free. It's one of my favorites.

        I think I may have gotten the phrase from John Brunner, but it's so long ago that I can't find the reference – if there is one…

  7. FakaktaSouth

    Nice Decolletage, Editrix. (I'm comparing shirts and assuming) whatever, nice rack headless woman. I so want a picture of my cleavage on here also. Where the hell do I have to come to now? Detroit? For tit pics? That would be the hardest I have ever worked to make people see my boobs in my life, but if it were gonna be for any group of fucked up strangers I really don't know. . .

  8. Billmatic

    So I assume the ATX meet up will be at a bar on E. 6th Street where we have to wear plaid shirts and bulky glasses by force of dress code right?

    Ah…Shit, that's what I'm wearing right now.

    1. Chichikovovich

      "♪♫ I'm the number one fan of the man who as soon as he could – and who can blame him – got the fuck out of Tennessee. ♪♫"

  9. SecretMuslin

    Wish I'd known there was a San Diego contention heading up – I would have hitched a ride! Ass, cash, gas – you could have taken your pick…

  10. ElPinche

    Meanwhile, El Pinche drunk-sobbed himself into a dreamless sleep last night and woke up in a cocoon of piss and sorrow.

        1. Mumbletypeg

          …almost rhymed…

          I'd hoped for restrainin' from over-explainin'
          Since it's my turn to discern
          Whether your reference points to a preference
          For Webb the pop progenitor, not our [Virginia's]Senator~

    1. Barb

      Where do you love in ABQ? I live there too. I could come into your workplace and create a scene and get you fired. Then you could attend the par-tay with us.

      1. Chichikovovich

        I guess I am honor-bound to reply to this, so you can't edit the first sentence.

        1. Tundra Grifter

          Let me ask the gent in the fancy knickerbockers.

          "Say – could you please direct me to the Coachella Valley, and the Carrot Festival, therein?"

    2. tessiee

      But by then it will be winter, not that much for you to do; and the winds sure blow cold way down here.

  11. C_R_Eature

    I'm just happy that there's photographic proof that you're all not really Clowns.

    Not that there's anything wrong with that…but they do give me nightmares.

  12. Callyson

    Last night was fun…what I remember of it…

    Seriously, snark off, thanks for the party–it was just what I needed after three exams in one week. Hope we'll do another one sometime: Obama victory party FTW!

    1. chilequiles

      Hooray for last night! Was nice meeting you and everyone else. It's probably best that the meetup ended at 9:30 so nobody saw my shameful slide into a complete drunk. Let's just say I wound up in west hollywood, "misplaced" my credit card and ID, and made out with a Peruvian. Oh, and I just got home.

      This is why I never go to LA anymore. Shit like this is inevitable.

      1. Callyson

        Last night was fun…hope you locate the ID and CC, dude. More later (after my Saturday AM class, yawn) via e – mail…

  13. lowaltflier

    Drove up from San Diego. Shit! And I was too lazy to drive up from Long Beach.
    Man, I need to get a Life. :(

    And I got a Bike to go through the traffic.

  14. soranemo

    Are you fucking serious? I'm away for the internet for a few weeks, and my favorite blog has a meetup RIGHT BY WHERE I LIVE. You know what I was doing last night? Playing video games. Bored out of my mind.

    And now I'm moving back to the middle of nowhere in Indiana and I'll never have the opportunity to go to an awesome meetup again.

    I'm massively disappointed. Fuck. This.

    1. HistoriCat

      How close will you be to Detroit? There are strong hints that a Detroit meet-up will happen.

      1. soranemo

        Not very close. I'm going to be in an Indiana suburb of Chicago (aka Gary).

        I would still attempt to make the meetup though, for fun's sake. Also Detroit is great.

  15. Steverino247

    OK, the tall guy whose head is blocking most of the second screen from the right (Picture 4 of 5 from the top) is me talking to The Lady in Red. I'm consuming a badly needed beer. Had a great chicken caesar salad and tipped the server generously. I behaved nicely and did not ask anyone to rub my balls.

    1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

      I'm fucking crushed, man. I coulda been there and you wouldn't even have asked me to rub your balls.

      So the Lady in Red with the honkin' tits is NOT-Rebecca? Do we get a name to go with the tits? NIce tits, too.

      1. Steverino247

        The Lady in Red is Rebecca, AKA Commiegirl (which would explain the red?) I usually refrain from commenting on women's breasts. Occupational hazard, so to speak.

  16. Preferred Customer

    Am so disappointed that you did not schedule this to coincide with karaoke night.

  17. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I am crossing "complain about too many posts" off my to do list right now, but then I need to add "complain about too few posts" onto the list. So much to do!

  18. JustPixelz

    It looks like the perfect venue for Wonketteers. Dark, surrounded by teevees and screens, with liquor. In other words, just like home.

    1. Preferred Customer

      Not enough cardboard walls to be like "home." Also, too, liquor in glasses? What is this, France?

    2. OneYieldRegular

      Looks like the inside of a shipping container. But come to think of it, that sounds like just the right degree of coziness for Wonketeers.

  19. Arken

    On the one hand, I'm sorry I missed it due to childcare fatigue. On the other hand, I don't think I'm hip enough to have gone anyway.

    1. Designer_Rants

      Have you ever noticed all the talk of comic books and such on Wonkette's commentary? I would like to think everyone is hip enough around here. Is that socialist? Crap…

  20. Doktor StrangeZoom

    I held the Boise Wonkateer Meetup in my kitchen last night.

    Just like every night.

    Sigh. Seattle–I want to go to there.

  21. HELisforHEL

    Oh please come to Bridgeport, CT.
    AH HA HA HA no one comes to BPort willingly.

    Ok, Ok, Stamford? We could all fight the annoying youngin's that pollute most of the bars down there for the limited waitstaff's attention.

    1. imissopus

      HAHAHA, I missed the thing in L.A. last night because I'm in Bridgeport right now visiting my brother, who for some reason moved here willingly! Well, not really willingly, more because his wife wanted to and he'll cheerfully admit she has his balls in a Mason jar somewhere in the house. I'm taking advantage of his absence today to search for them.

      1. Ann_ObeyMe_Money

        What the HELL happens to all the swaggering macho straight men, once they get married it's like they can't fart without the wife's permission. Not that my SIL isn't a totally wonderful woman and I have no idea why she even married the lout, but considering what a misogynistic swine he was before she removed his balls and stowed them in her purse …

      2. HELisforHEL

        I always suggested that I missed the part of my brother's wedding ceremony where his (now ex-)wife was awarded his balls in a velvet lined box.
        His wife wanted to move here? Siiigh.
        I have a soft spot in my heart (and head) for Bridgeport, but I realize it will never, ever be more than the sad little city that couldn't.
        Siiigh.

        1. imissopus

          Well, she's a native and wanted to live close to her family. I can see the appeal of the place as perhaps a nice place to raise kids (they have two so far). But it's definitely not for me. I'm happy to be on my way back to California.

  22. MadBrahms

    There are about a metric billion of us in the bay area, right? I would come up from Socialistville for an orgy meetup, definitely.

  23. prommie

    Can you have the next one in a medical marijuana state, so I can kill two birds with one stone?

    1. Z Crudmonger

      Since you don't have to be a resident in Oregon to get a med card, ya'all can come to PDX with your chart notes from your personal MD/OD and BAM -potgasms for all.

  24. Texan_Bulldog

    Sorry, but I've never seen Chilequiles post here before??? But, yes, he is a cutie pie.

  25. Tundra Grifter

    Come to San Francisco!

    Peach of a pair. Also. (Nametag should have read in tiny print "What are you staring at?").

  26. ThundercatHo

    So, I assume low-cut tops will now be required the the Motor City Drinky Meet-up? Has a date/time/place been announced yet?

    1. mrpuma2u

      Still can't believe they picked the urban warzone that is Detroit over Chicago. We could have gotten a naked Rahm Emmanuel to yell at all of us for being to progressive!!!!

  27. proudgrampa

    The proudgrampa neighborhood meetup is continuing as we speak! You should see the martinis flow!

    No beautiful women with sexy red-adorned casabas, though. Grrrrr…

  28. OneYieldRegular

    It took me nearly an hour just to go two miles on the 280 last night to try to get down there from San Francisco, and then one of my shoes blew out.

  29. ttommyunger

    Atlanta area meet-up has to be at Mulligan's Food & Spirits, Marietta, Ga. I think I am the only Liberal allowed on the premises. In fact, the late owner, Mike Norman, and I were close friends in spite of our huge political differences. I would personally guarantee safe passage for all Wonketeers and I further promise it would be no run of the mill meet and greet. Google it (or Mike) if you doubt me. /Users/thomasunger/Desktop/IMG_2639.JPG

  30. rickmaci

    It was good. I managed to get Editrix's phone number. Well, not really her phone number, but her business card. Actually, there is no phone number on the card. Still, it does have her name and email. And there is a very very eye catching logo and—ok, so I was bar stalking….

      1. rickmaci

        No, just painfully shy. But as far as most women I've met in the boozy places are concerned, it's pretty much the same.

  31. anniegetyerfun

    Thank you for the breast pictures! Much obliged.

    Quite the sausagefest otherwise, yes?

  32. Wile E. Quixote

    HELLO PERVERTS AND WEIRDOS

    Excuse me, but we prefer to be called "Perverto-Americans." BTW, nice rack.

  33. Wile E. Quixote

    Bammerz did not drop in, my head hurts. There will be only light posting today, so all of you who complain about how there are too many posts waaah you can not read through every single comment on every single one, today you get a reprieve. Do not get used to it! Tomorrow there will be 37 posts! AND YOU WILL LIKE IT!

    Hey, with Rebecca all hungover from last night's meetup does this mean that we can keep posting about skullfucking retards?

  34. M. Bouffant

    Yes, a splendid time was had, the beer flowed freely, no fights (Not enough ladies over whom to fight, sadly.)

    Other notes: Maker's Mark US$10.00/shot, & I accidentally ate a fried thing that was not meat or potato. What could it have been?

  35. Negropolis

    I'm afeared to go to one of these after my participation in the Great Wonkette Uprising during the implementation of The Rules when I had genuinely hurt fee-fees. Also, my angry, drop-down drag-out fights with Chet. Also.

  36. mmeetoilenoir

    So, where's the Chicago love? We're the home of that horrid blah man in the WHITE house, after all!

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