So, what’s today’s latest comically over-the-top story from a libertarian/Republican who pretends to care about TSA on righteous civil liberties grounds but mostly wants it privatized and deunionized? Oooh, Geraldo, on Fox & Friends. Well yeah? These always involve the grossest old men suggesting, oddly, that some employee who’s just trying to get through the day wanted to fuck them. Rivera actually helps us out, by saying, “I think there is a lot of merit in people who say it should be re-privatized.” Oh, do you? “I don’t necessarily endorse that” — of course not! — “…but I tell you the last time I flew to Afghanistan I got manually raped by a guy who – the scanner wasn’t working…” He means at the airport; but we can only hope that he got manually raped by a guy while in Afghanistan, too.
“He wanted to make sure…,” Doocy offered as an attempt at clarification.
“But making sure is one thing,” said Rivera. “This guy, it seemed to me, was getting off on it…”
“Oh my gosh,” laughed Carlson.
“…And the more and the tighter I got and the angrier I got,” said Rivera. “You know, he just wanted to be a little more intimate.”
Rivera than manhandled Doocy in an attempt to illustrate the intrusive TSA inspection he had received. “I said, man-oh-man, if that was [Fox News anchor] Shep Smith that would have been a real blow out,” Rivera noted. “You know, Shep has said ‘don’t touch my…”
“J.U.N.K.,” noted Carlson.
These people are all on national television.
[Mediaite]
{ 123 comments }
Wear a hoodie next time, asshole.
Geraldo, would you mind holding my Skittles for a sec?
Oh, and my iced tea? My hands are getting cold.
When did Geraldo escape from Capone's vault?
Capone's ghost kicked him out for being too crooked.
Too soon!
Manually raped? I'm sorry, there's an automatic option for people in a rush?
Geraldo raped Rush?
I have Geddy Lee on hold to find out…
Well, you're my fact-checking cuz!
Jesus! How egotistical is Rush (the band)? Their website lists the precise equipment they use on tour, like someone's going to go out and imitate them right down to the coil split switch in the Gibson 355 (yes, they even mention it's the original one….)
Vanity, thy name is Rush….
Neil Peart Libel!
With Glenn Beck – a trifurcation of shocking proportions.
We could use the Orgazmatron.
There's reason they make you spread your legs and hold your hands above your head when you get in that thing.
There's an App for that.
You know you're in trouble if the TSA guys are coming at you with a fucksaw.
The pubic option?
Just don't google to find out.
Auto-Rape ™ – When you absolutely, positively need to be raped by the TSA.
A…a…machine gun, maybe?
And the more and the tighter I got and the angrier I got
Maybe if you didn't clench your cheeks, you might have enjoyed it more.
He should have just lied there and enjoyed it.
He wasn't sure if lube is considered a liquid or not, so he left it at home.
“I said, man-oh-man, if that was [Fox News anchor] Shep Smith that would have been a real blow out,” Rivera noted.
I think there's an extra word in there, but for the life of me, I can't find it…
Neither can I, but Rick Santorum would have a good follow up remark…
I doubt that he could be raped because his head is shoved so far up his ass, there isn't room for anything else.
I can be about 99 percent certain that no one wants to sex Geraldo. Anderson, that's another story.
What's the appeal of the Coop? Guy just makes me want to get my posse of preppies together and shampoo all that gel out of his forelock.
Mitt?
Agent who donned the rubber glove soon discovered a cavity more hollowed out than Al Capone's vault.
"I still get raped manually"
-The Dude-
"I got manually raped by a guy"
Yeah, that's not exactly what rape is, dumbass.
Well, according to fine Fox program Family Guy it is. Especially when the nice doctor does it in a private room.
A white man was mildly inconvenienced? That is exactly like rape.
As the saying in the used car industry “theirs an ass for every seat” but in this case I have my doubts.
Mr. Rivera, I knew Super Mario. Super Mario was a friend of mine. Mr. Rivera, you're no Super Mario.
(I'm gonna do a version of that one every day from now on.)
I'd say the description is wrong and Geraldo is the one who's the evil twin.
Even Wario would kick Geraldo's sorry ass, not manually rape him.
Though, it would require a joystick. Does that show my age?
Ben Nelson libel!
Now isn't that something to look forward to!
Really Geraldo, with a Village People 'stash like that you're just asking for it.
It covers his cakehole so I can't see if he "has a purty mouth".
This idiot was Kurt Vonnegut's son-in-law. Can you imagine?
Back in the late 60's he was lionized by none other than Hunter S. Thompson for keeping it real in his reportage of the, er, racial misunderstandings going on in the streets of LA at that time.
There was a time when Geraldo Rivera was an actual reporter. My family owes a debt of gratitude to him for his work on the Willowbrook scandal, and I'd like to remember him that way.
He's made that impossible, however.
Stupid Liberal Media. Always injecting race into the Watts Riots, where it doesn't belong.
Jaw drops, mind explodes, sympathy card gets sent to Vonnegut's daughter.
EDIT: Googling that repugnant factoid at least helped me find a nice Vonnegut tribute I hadn't read before.
Very nice.
I had this and this up on my office wall for the longest time, at least until I decided that push pins were not a modern way to decorate an office. Maybe I'll get them framed.
I had a friend who had the second one tattooed on her arm
It's hard to imagine,
that nothing at all;
could be so exciting,
could be so much fun.
Thus do our children embarrass us, and punish themselves.
that's just….
wow.
Kurt was none too happy about the situation.
"These people are all on national television."
And I'm told that people watch them.
On purpose.
"Manually raped" is Doocy's nickname at Fox.
It's pretty insulting when a TSA Nazi pats down a White Man! This is America DAMN IT!
That's what you get for
beinglooking like a terrorist against America.Back in the seventies, Geraldo used to vaginally probe Chris Evert on a regular basis.
"…manually raped…"
I guess he means "felt up". This reminds me of the time Mitt Romney raped that gay guy in prep school.
That fits Romney, but wouldn't manually mean his program had a glitch?
Gerry strikes me as the type of, um, gentleman at the cocktail party sleazing on all the young girls, walking around knowing all these babes wanna bang him, while the gals are all "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
A more clueless, and browner, Cliff Claven?
But 'cept my man Cliff had some KNOWLEDGE to drop on his subjects.
"I wonder if you know that the harp is a predecessor of the modern day guitar. Early minstrels were much larger people. In fact, they had hands the size of small dogs."
"It's a little known fact that the tan became popular in what is known as the Bronze Age."
Yes, I shouldn't have picked on Cliff. I have been watching too much Cheers lately.
If Geraldo were just a few decades younger, he'd be putting dog-ears all over one of those "pick-up artist" manuals — the ones that tell you to viciously insult a chick and then pay her a single compliment so she thinks you're a nice guy after all.
Especially since the TSA agent gave Jerry a reacharound
Rape's not funny, but Geraldo complaining about getting manually dude-raped is.
“You know, he just wanted to be a little more intimate.”
This is relevant.
Oh Geraldo, are you searching for purpose now that Letterman has forsaken you as a punchline?
Hey Geraldo, quit double booking the toilet seat with Larry Craig.
I love how these politicians and talking heads go all off about being violated by the TSA. Baconz travels alot, and I mean ALOT, for work and I've never been patted down or pulled out of line. Maybe yelling the POTUS is a nazi, giving away military strategy on TV and talking about the overthrow of the government gets ya on a list or somthing.
Ironically, I get pulled out of line regularly.
I figure it's an inoculation against charges of racial profiling, being the middle-aged blue eyed white guy that I am. The only thing I've found that stopped it was getting on the Preferred Travelers' List (GOES). Suddenly, airport security became a breeze.
It's funny. I get passes from my best friend. I get pulled at a higher frequency because I think they know I am "free" and they can make their "quota" easier.
i don't travel much for my current job, but my last (freak show) job i did like 200K a year – chicago to los angeles / portland. i NEVER had problems. knew everybody at all three airports. never got harassed, never got manually raped.
course i'm a small blond chick, but still…
Sorry you were violated by an uncaring jackass, Geraldo — but now you know what it's like for a regular person who turns on the television looking for news and finds you instead.
There's always a Wonketeer who indignantly proclaims that he or she will not be watching the video offered in the post. So here I am, and I will NOT be watching Fox & Friends on a Friday, TYVM! and: Harrumph!
Extremely slow news day over at fox.
Isn't everyday a "slow" news day over at Fox?
To be fair to the TSA, Geraldo was trying to go through security with A Metal Object.
I thought everybody was in agreement that the TSA's job is to protect us from adorable 18-month-old babies who might be filled with explosives.
You ever opened up an 18-month-old's diaper?
Trust me, those things explode.
And, they are full of radioactive toxins!
Kid had it coming. I bet there was much rejoicing among the other passengers.
In Fox's parallel universe:
Geraldo, flying from a country to war to the country were the war is being fought, is stopped and thoroughly searched for the protection of other passengers = GREAT OFFENSE
Trayvon, stopped on way home from 7-11 candy run, is shot and killed = STAND YER GROUND!
Isn't the TSA a creation of these assholes fucking hero W? Why is it that Republicans think getting in everyones business is just dandy – until its their business? Idiots.
And don't even START Geraldo on those masseurs who touch his junk just because he pays extra and pulls the towel off!
"I'll have the Travolta, please!"
Isn't it kinda important to note that he was flying to Afghanistan? I mean, like, ya know, as far as flights either to or from places like afghanistan, yemen, and saudi arabia, I hope they are DP fisting every motherfucker on the plane.
I don't know about you all, but I wouldn't fist Geraldo with Doocy's fist.
You couldn't fit it past Doocy's head.
Wow…Shep has quite an interesting reputation with his colleagues, doesn't he?
Geraldo, the Mustache of Understanding Groping.
You miserable piece of shit. Unless the dude threw you down and shoved his engorged, unlubricated dick in your ass without your consent, It Was Not Rape.
And double fuck you because weren't you one of the ones who was all "ooooh, terrorists…muslims…security"? You reap what you sow, motherfucker.
Exactly … After 911 he was the mustached douche out in Afghanistan pretending to be a soldier.
Fox News, where TSA patdown of a man = manual rape!!!!!!!!, mandatory vag probes with a dildo-ish shaped wand whether the doc thinks it necessary are not = what God wants/for the good of the country, and pepper spray = salad dressing.
I fly quite often and have never had an issue with the TSA. Sure I get sent through the nuclear meltdown scanner each time, but to be fair, I *do* look like I'm smuggling cantaloupes.
Recently I flew out of SFO and the agent complimented my lilac toenail polish. He told me he was a yoga instructor and liked to keep his toenails painted pretty colors to give his class something cute to look at. He didn't manually rape me, I guess the cantaloupes weren't his cup of tea.
He could have simply been a leg man, or a foot man if he's checking out your toes.
In other words, he cantaloupe with you?
one time at LAX a TSA guy was making the usual announcements:
no beverages
no water bottles
no shoes
no whimsy
made me laugh out loud.
Carslon spelled out junk because she knows FoxNews viewers are too fat lazy and dumb to sound it out.
To be fair, I've never seen anyone else with a moustache like that who was heterosexual.
No kidding, and do you know another thing I hate about all of the conservatives with gay porno staches like John Bolton, John Stossel and Geraldo Rivera? It's that they really fuck up the look for everyone else. It's kind of like how Hitler ruined the toothbrush mustache for everyone. I think that if conservatives want to sport facial hair they should be required to have either a Hitler mustache or a Ross Douthat style pubic chin beard or both. But no gay porno staches, not unless they can pull it off at least as well as Tom Selleck used to in Magnum, P.I.
Libertarian/Republican?
No need to use the slash.
A Libertarian is just another Republican who likes to smoke Mexican schwag and swap wifes down at the Sex Exchange club…
I think Rivera lost his mind after the Al Capone vault thing. He was such a laughingstock that it just broke him.
Jerk.
My favorite new pastime: Lurk around the little TSA desk with the comment cards until an obvious Geraldonian appears within hearing distance, then loudly proclaim to the agent, "I can't believe people actually say bad things about you! You are true American patriots and frankly I think what they say is borderline treasonous."
No, really. I do this. Try it!
Um owls … it might be time to take up a new hobby. I hear knitting is quite relaxing.
What would happen if we got Geraldo into the same room with Mark Penn?
We'd have a potentially winning entry in the "Worst Slashfic Ever" contest?
And the more and the tighter I got and the angrier I got.
Worst Penthouse Forum letter ever.
Gerald is just flustered 'cause he chubbed up.
"…the last time I flew to Afghanistan…"
What a tool to just casually drop that line into the conversation!
Remember when the US Army kicked his sorry ass out of Afghanistan because he couldn't read a map? He blamed "the fog of war."
Well, the fog backed up into his brain.
What does he expect with a messican name like Geraldo Rivera? Seriously, fuck Geraldo Rivera. Hey Geraldo, want to have fun with the fucking assholes at the TSA? Try going through TSA security with an artificial limb. Every time I go to the fucking airport I have to get my fucking crotch groped by these fucking idiots. When I was coming back from Honolulu a few weeks ago I watched them make a triple amputee (RL-BKA, LL-BKA, RA-TRA) get out of his wheelchair, walk through the idiot scanner and then go through their fucking patdown shit. Fuck the goddamned TSA, let's abolish them and go back to the way things were before 9/11. I'll take the risk of a terrorist attack, which wasn't all that great anyways over having my ass groped every time I get on a fucking plane.
Jesus Christ. Tell the prima donna to man-up and get groped by a guy with rubber gloves in front of a thousand strangers like everybody else has to. My boss took pictures of my full service pat-down.
Wishful thinking that Geraldo said they guy was
"getting off" touching his "junk"
manually raped- there's some other kind? machine raped? electronically raped??
I don't mind the unnessasary groping by the TSA,but feel awkward after.Are you suppose to Tip?
Maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling Shep may have enjoyed it more than Jerry thinks.
Geraldo…You should have called the guy a slut and a prostit…I'm sorry I was thinking you were Limbaugh.
How nice of the horrible man and journo to trivialize rape. And this coming from a man who has the best 70s gay porn stach in TV. His next special should be, inside Al Capone's Glory Hole.
Heh. At least they Alex doesn't tell people he gets his unique sound by slicing his amp speakers with a razor blade, like Robbie Robertson did. (Or was that Neil Young?) A lot of good Jensens died after that happened.
Do you remember anyone here?
No, you don't remember anything at all
I'm sleeping, flat on my back
Never woke up. Had no regrets
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