Barack Obama Was Also Terrible Grade School Bully, HELLO

  even steven

Hi and welcome back to America’s 2012 race for student body president: Today we heard that we should not vote for school yacht club treasurer Mitt Romney, because he enjoys giving unsolicited haircuts to his fellow male students against their will, what a jerk. But please consider on the other hand for a moment whether or not you are a raging misogynist asshole, and if not then you may not wish to vote for Barack Obama, because he has admitted to beating defenseless little girl students on the playground. And what kind of crazed sociopath does that?

Hahahaha look how dim this Obama is, he even put the story in one of his memoirs, like an idiot. Romney at least makes the Internet work to uncover his terrible crimes.

There was one other child in my class, though, who reminded me of a different sort of pain. Her name was Coretta, and before my arrival she had been the only black person in our grade. She was plump and dark and didn’t seem to have many friends. From the first day, we avoided each other but watched from a distance, as if direct contact would only remind us more keenly of our isolation.

Finally, during recess one hot, cloudless day, we found ourselves occupying the same corner of the playground. I don’t remember what we said to each other, but I remember that suddenly she was chasing me around the jungle gym and swings. She was laughing brightly, and I teased her and dodged this way and that, until she finally caught me and we fell to the ground breathless. When I looked up, I saw a group of children, faceless before the glare of the sun, pointing down at us.

“Coretta has a boyfriend! Coretta has a boyfriend!”

 
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The chants grew louder as a few more kids circled us.

“She’s not my g-girlfriend,” I stammered. I looked to Coretta for some assistance, but she just stood there looking down at the ground. “Coretta’s got a boyfriend! Why don’t you kiss her, mister boyfriend?”

“I’m not her boyfriend!” I shouted. I ran up to Coretta and gave her a slight shove; she staggered back and looked up at me, but still said nothing. “Leave me alone!” I shouted again. And suddenly Coretta was running, faster and faster, until she disappeared from sight. Appreciative laughs rose around me. Then the bell rang, and the teachers appeared to round us back into class.

Breitbart’s Big Journamalism also has the report of the aftermath: “No doubt that after expending all that energy bullying an innocent little girl, young Obama readied himself for round two by eating a Golden Retriever.” Hyuck! Yeah, screw the election. IMPEACH. [Big Journalism via Wonkette super-operative "chascates"]

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Hola wonkerados.

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310 comments

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      Did I mention that he's blah too? Oh I did, well let me reiterate, he's blah! Wake up sheeple!

  1. Smithboy

    Romney said he believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. Newt Gingrich responded by saying…By "A woman" you don't necessarily mean one woman…Right?"

    1. tessiee

      Romney actually said that marriage should be a man and his many wives. Newt Gingrich responded by saying… "By 'many', you mean sequentially, right?"

      ftfy

    1. James Michael Curley

      Right, but she fled to Georgia and married this quiet, pensive kid named King.

  2. Reginald_Perrin

    It was Obama's "white half" that shoved the girl, wouldn't that make him racist too?

        1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

          Did he live in a tumbledown eldritch lean-to with an "abandon hope all ye who enter here" sign?

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      Lit a cigarette on a parking meter And walked on down the road. It was a normal day.

  3. edgydrifter

    As an admitted member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, it's a wonder Obama didn't grow up to be Republican.

  4. V572 Is this him?

    You wonder how many black girls named Coretta ever atttended Cranbrook Academy.

    And no, the children of Indian and Pakistani engineers at Chrysler or GM don't count, and typically aren't named "Coretta" anyway.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      No ladies attended Cranbrook because they don't teach knitting or riding sidesaddle there.

  5. Texan_Bulldog

    Lord, it's going to be a long time until November. I've decided that after this election, I'm giving up caring about politics for a while–too much stress & stupidity (plus I find it hard to get too fired up over Andrew Cuomo or Tim Kaine).

    1. mayor_quimby

      It really is gonna be a long ride, time to redouble my masturbating to distract from the daily carnage.

      1. Crank_Tango

        redoubling, is that where you use both hands? cuz that is gonna take some practice…

        1. Lascauxcaveman

          Depends on how big your willie is. But perhaps I've said too much.

          [/makes the 'call me' sign at MissTaken]

          1. Fare la Volpe

            She's dating a robot. Unless your willie is diesel-powered and has five different vibration settings, you're not going to win this one.

          2. tessiee

            "[/makes the 'call me' sign at MissTaken]"

            You just posted that you need both hands for yours.
            that's the "call me" sign for all the females and some of the males.

          3. Lascauxcaveman

            Also, I have ridiculously large hands, too.

            And oddly enough, a cute little button nose.

    2. dadanarchist

      You're telling me. I forgot how bad it is because in 2008 I was out of the country from Nov. 2007 until August 2008. Probably saved my sanity.

      1. HistoriCat

        I managed to avoid a lot of the 2008 sturm und drang by not having electricity for several weeks after Hurricane Ike.

        I do not recommend this approach.

      1. Generation[redacted]

        My three favorite things about Perry are his religious nuttery, his gun nuttery, and — Ooops.

    3. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      There is always a need for a breather after such idiocracy, however, sadly, no mater what, the Republicans will be acting like children and will need to be mocked.

      Wonkette Today! Wonkette Tomorrow! Wonkette Forever!

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        It's a steady job, isn't it?

        But I remember the euphoric, pinch-me attitude here immediately after the 2008 election. I can't imagine what we had to talk about then, other than a huge feeling of relief and generally self-congratulatory feeling of maybe-America-isn't-so-horrible-after-all.

        1. NellCote71

          We had all the way up to election day and a little beyond to squee about how cute the Obamas are. But then the Republicans came back to town, and it was downhill from there.

        2. calliecallie

          The economy, remember? It was in free fall. The sweet smell of stimulus was in the air.

  6. SorosBot

    So the conservatives unveil their "I know you are, but what am I?" campaign strategy. They're even more childish than the first-grade Obama was.

    1. johnnymeatworth

      Which is interesting, because you'd expect Pee Wee Herman to be working for the Dems.

    2. BerkeleyBear

      That pretty much goes without saying, Soros. C'mon, this is a group for whom Glenn Beck was a misunderstood superstar.

  7. CountryClubJihadi

    "Ooh! Ungawa! Obama got the power! " should be his new campaign slogan if we are going this far back.

    1. Doktor StrangeZoom

      The only redeeming element of the whole sorry clusterfuck so far: It's not Romney saying that.

    1. Veritas78

      I think he said he "liberated" it. A white kid would have salvaged it, or rescued it.

  8. Come here a minute

    Young Barry then mandated cootie shots for everyone on the playground, causing mass ret@rdation.

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      He also forced the richer kids to help pay for the cootie shots for the poorer kids.

  9. chascates

    Kids are just mean which is why they should be sedated and kept at home until they're old enough to die in the military or go to work in the fields.

    1. dadanarchist

      What do you wash your brain/soul/eyes out with after you visit Red State/BigJourno?

      1. chascates

        I force myself to look at these sites to rid myself of the idea that I can look forward to a peaceful retirement in this country instead of trying to move to Europe.

        I can't afford to either retire OR move to Europe but it's these fantasies and the comradeship from Wonkette that allows me to get up in the morning.

          1. Redgyal

            Barcelona is on my bucket list! Madrid has been checked off already. I assume the cats stop you from watching puppy pics. They can be selfish sometimes.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      I fully support raising all children in Matrix-style incubation pods. Plus, it solves the problem of our energy crisis if we siphon electricity straight out of their brains! Win!!

      1. ThundercatHo

        After putting up with a snarly, sulky teenager for (ever) the last few weeks (years) now that sounds like a really good idea. Esp. if we could use the pod as a coffee table I'd totally put a bong on it right about now.

        1. Gunner Asch

          I've long believed that all kids, but especially girls, should be sent to Donkey Island for about 6 years commencing with the onslaught of puberty.

      2. tessiee

        One of my dearest friends believes that a fetus becomes a person when it is accepted to Med School.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          Is this a friend friend, or a "friend" as in "my friend has a horrible problem where it burns when she pees"?

  10. Generation[redacted]

    Her name was Coretta

    Obama shoved Coretta Scott King? History's greatest monster!

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      And that little girl…., grew up to be Coretta Scott King.

      And now you know the rest of the story.

  11. dadanarchist

    Red State logic:

    6 year-old Barack, "Girls have cooties." = 16 year-old Mitt, "Fuck you, fag, I'm shaving your head"

    1. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      30 year old Newt torturing dog on top of care.

      5 year old Barack being fed dog by his father.

      It's all the same.

    2. RavenRant

      Mitt was 18 and led a premeditated, violent gang attack that still haunts his fellow assailants to this day. God only knows how the victim feels about it, wherever he is.

      10 year old Barack gave a classmate 'a slight shove'. Moral equivalence!

      The right blogosphere is a cesspit beyond imagining.

        1. RavenRant

          Agreed.

          Just google this story. You will see dozens of sites spinning this into the youthful exploits of a budding Ted Bundy.

          I hate these people. I really hate them.

          1. dadanarchist

            Their lemming-like quality would be impressive if it weren't so detrimental to the fabric of our society.

            Being an academic, I followed the Naomi Schaefer Riley story.

            Within hours – hours – of the news she'd been fired by the evil LIEBERALS at the Chronicle of Higher Education, Wingnuts up and down the Wingnut food chain (from Hoft to the WSJ) were harping the "story."

          2. RavenRant

            Her original blog post was such an unfiltered shart of white privilege, laziness, and utterly unwarranted arrogance surrounding a creamy center of racism.

            Examining history, literature, or any other academic discipline from something other than a white male supremacist point of view? What insolence!

            Immediately followed by playing the victim card herself. I repeat, I hate these people. The sooner they follow Breitbart's lead, the happier I will be. I will tramp the dirt down, as a poet once said.

          3. dadanarchist

            The whole thing was a con from beginning to end. I'm sure she wanted to get fired, play the victim, and then vacuum up the rewards of right-wing victimology. That the herps/derps of the Teabag movement fall for it every time is amusing and depressing.

            I just want to shake them and quote Johnny Rotten at them: Ever get the feeling that you're being cheated?

          4. RavenRant

            I think a good number of them are willing shills. The fact the our 'serious' media falls for it every time is more irritating.

          5. RavenRant

            That was the last attempt to actually hold a presidential administration accountable for crimes.

            And no, I don't count 'blow-job-gate' as an attempt at accountability.

          6. Doktor StrangeZoom

            Oh, jeeziz…that was nauseating. Hurr-hurr, stupid blacks still thank racism is real, and they can get degrees in Black Studies! Why can't I get a degree in White Studies, huh?

          7. Fare la Volpe

            Someone should have told her there is a degree in "White Studies": It's called Liberal Arts.

          8. RavenRant

            The very one. On the other hand, John Wayne Gacy was an active Democrat. I'll bet the BTK Killer and the Green River Killer were Republicans, tho.

          9. BerkeleyBear

            BTK was a civil servant, so could go either way. Green River sounds like a libertarian trucker to me.

      1. James Michael Curley

        He died a few years ago according to Chris Mathews, but so did Chris Mathews.

      2. HuddledMass

        The victim died in 2004. However his loving family … "is releasing a statement saying the portrayal of John is factually incorrect and we are aggrieved that he would be used to further a political agenda. There will be no more comments from the family.”
        Does that mean, don't remind us we had a gay son? Because that's what it sounds like.

        1. RavenRant

          Don't know. But it would be interesting if he'd ever gone on record about his old classmate, Mitt.

    1. UnholyMoses

      Congratulations! You have won today's Internet!

      Now … where do you want us to put all of these tubes?

  12. PuckStopsHere

    This never would have happened if Bammerz had been cleaning toilets at recess as Newtie would have had him do.

  13. chascates

    Speaking of bullies:
    The Republican-led House has agreed to replace deep budget cuts scheduled to hit the Pentagon in January with a series of reductions in funding for food stamps, Medicaid and regulation of the financial sector.
    The House approved the package that would save $242.8 billion over 10 years on a party-line 218 to 199 vote. No Democrats supported the package; sixteen Republicans opposed it.

    1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

      Replacing deep budget cuts for the Pentagon with allowing regulation of the financial sector

      How the fuck does that work?

      edit, also too:

      sixteen Republicans opposed it.

      Enjoy getting primaried by the Club for Growth, guys.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Ehh, some of them are farther right fat heads who are just mad the government has any money. C for G loves those nit wits.

    2. zumpie

      On the plus side, yet again, a pointless vote that will proceed to die a hard, quick death in the senate. Or receive a big, fat veto stamp if hell froze over and it did reach the president's desk.

    3. Generation[redacted]

      Part of their "We want a balanced budget and we're willing to sacrifice everything you have to get it" strategy.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Sadly, no. We want a thoroughly unbalanced budget and we're willing to sacrifice the poor to do it.

        1. tessiee

          We want to cut all social services, and could give a shit less if the budget is up, down, or in-between.

          1. Chichikovovich

            Bingo. The government actually ran a surplus last month. Has Fox "News", obsessively concerned with the deficit since January 2008, mentioned this? I'm guessing no.

  14. Mittens Howell, III

    Obama also refused to invite poorer classmates to his exclusive 'Country Club' for the annual 'Festival of the Dividend' (food stamp) celebrations.

  15. Mittens Howell, III

    Man, I can't wait till November to watch Obama drink the fuck out of Mitt's Richie Rich, Bully-Boy, Milky-Vanilla milkshake.

    1. Steverino247

      I'd much prefer for Obama to beat the fucker to death with a bowling pin.

      And yes, I made it home safe after the L.A. Wonkette event. Which was great!

  16. OneYieldRegular

    Come on, Breitbart team. Have you forgotten to play to your base? It's what happened in the womb that really counts.

  17. Arken

    This is far, far worse than forcibly holding a teenager down and attacking him with a pair of scissors. Obama should resign immediately. That means McCain gets to be president, right?

  18. Tundra Grifter

    We have a golden retriever (well, he's mostly golden – got a little German shepard, too) and he tips the beam at something over 70 lbs. That's a lot of dog.

    1. cheetojeebus

      1st thing you'll need is a really big stewpot. I can't really help with a recipe but other wonketteers may be able to help?

      1. Tundra Grifter

        Nope – Bandit is too sweet to eat. The only canine food for me are hot dogs.

      2. BerkeleyBear

        Jack London probably had a recipe or two he could share. Not sure if it is in the published work.

      3. Geminisunmars

        Ummmmm; Puppy Tail Stew. For $9.95 (plus s&h) I will share with you how make this dish.

        1. tessiee

          This is one of those metaphors, like the founding fathers were always saying, so that by "Puppy Tail", you actually mean tofu — right?

  19. glamourdammerung

    Dear Republicans,

    "But so-and-so did it too" stopped being an acceptable excuse sometime around the age of five. Try learning some personal responsibility and stop whining because you all nominated a sociopath.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Yeah, but Obama *was* five when he did this so…uh…ipso facto….TAXES! l LOOK OVER THERE!

    2. Negropolis

      And, it's not even "but so-and-so did it too" because the events aren't even remotely comparable in scope or motivation.

  20. Generation[redacted]

    By the time this is all over I expect Crossroads GPS will have half the country convinced that Obama is an over-privileged bully who spent his entire career shutting down American factories and laying off workers.

  21. JackObin

    This nation is dire need of seriousness. It would appear the coming election will not help that effort.

    1. radio-of-owls

      Maybe the Republicans are a little gun shy about getting into a "Who blew what" fight with Barry.

  22. Dr. Nick Riviera

    Once again, Republicans basically admit they have nothing but a bunch of manbabies who are no more culpable than elementary school Obama. "It's not Mitt's fault, he was only in high school! LOOK AT 5 year old Obama!!" "It's not Mitt's fault, he was only 30, LOOK AT 8 YEAR OLD OBAMA". You can't blame Dubya for being a sloppy drunk, he was only the tender age of 40.

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      And sure Henry Hyde had an extra-marital affair when he was a young man, but he didn't know any better, he was only in his forties.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      I was going to say that you were being silly because he probably had maids and servants, but then I remembered Mitt probably doesn't count those as "people"

      1. zumpie

        Actually, since Mitty would've been 23 in 1970—-NO black person would've been a "real" person. Cause God didn't change his mind about them until 1978.

    2. SorosBot

      Now, the high school class photo someone linked to earlier showed that there was a black guy at Mitt's exclusive prep school.

      And yes, that's 'a' as in one.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        To be fair, that was only the class of '66. So there coulda been up to four black men at Cranbrook.

      2. Chichikovovich

        Are you sure they didn't just dump molasses on the head of the effeminate kid just before picture time?

      1. Fare la Volpe

        Home Improvement went God only knows how many seasons set in the middle of Detroit without the appearance of a single black person. If there was a way to do it, Mitt's parents found it.

        1. Negropolis

          The show was set in Oakland County (the middle-class and wealthy suburbs north of the city), I believe, but even as segregated as Metro Detroit once was, most black Detroiters actually worked in the suburbs, so it's always amazing when you see something set in Metro Detroit and don't see a signiificant amount of black people.

  23. weejee

    Is today the day for political confessions?

    Well, back in 1976 I was doing advance work for the Illinois Light Gov Neil Hartigan. Typically on Mondays I'd be driving the speed limit in a huge UAW sponsored billboard station wagon on the two-lane highway from Champaign to Springfield. Almost every trip when I was about halfway, an especially obnoxious Rethug State Rep by the name of John Hirschfeld would blow by me at well over 100 mph driving his legislature tabbed, cherry red Mercedes 450-SL. John would lay on the horn, give me a giggly smile and wave madly. You see, in the day, state legislators were immune from arrest going to and from their home to the capitol. We D-rat hacks would get busted for driving 1 mph over the limit. So my only retort was to return John's slimy smile and wave with a full-arm out-the-window one-finger victory salute. Good timez, good timez.

    1. tessiee

      OT but similar:

      When I was a young single Tessie, my friends and I used to go "down the shore" in the summertime. The two lanes for shore traffic were usually at a crawl after about 10 am or so. We were sitting there, inching forward, when a black top-down convertible BMW with two blond rich-boy types in it blew past everybody on the shoulder of the road. I was annoyed at this, but changed my mind when we finally got to the end of the exit ramp and saw said BMW stopped by the side of the road and state troopers in Smokey the Bear hats explaining to said blond rich boys why their plans for the day had just changed for the worse.

      1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

        He also hasn't said he's stopped cracking hobos' skulls like ripe melons and fucking the goo inside.

          1. Fukui-sanYesRadio

            Forbidden fruit etc

            edit: I was going with "feasting on" but that's Brockman's gig

          2. SayItWithWookies

            Yeah that's so unseemly. I recommend we call it boothing, after John Wilkes Booth. As in, "John Wilkes Booth's last regret as he perished in the burning barn was that he never got to booth his prey."

    1. Wile E. Quixote

      He was killing those hobos for their own good, he had to so he could Mormo-baptise them.

  24. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm guessing that all of this moral relativism from the Right, comparing a child to a teenager (bulling) or an adult (dogs), is all due to the post-national Left?

  25. DrunkIrishman

    What a bunch of desperate, sad, sorry assholes. Instead of admitting they back a mean, bigoted snob asshole, they have to bring up a story from Obama's childhood – not high school, mind you – to attack him with? What a fucking sad, sorry joke.

    And let me guess, the media will use this to combat the Romney story similarly how they brought up Obama's eating dog when he was a child as proof he's just as guilty of a grown man's actions. Yes, apparently a seven year old should be held to the same standards as someone in his late-teens and early 40s.

  26. Fauxhemian

    Wait, so being a first grader who is embarrassed by people teasing him about liking a girl is the same as an 18 year old pinning a kid to the ground and cutting off his hair or laughing at a blind woman walking into a door? On what planet is that the same so I can avoid traveling there on my inter-galactic spaceship.

    Also, I wouldn't normally say this, but I'm really glad Andrew Breitbart and Lee Atwater are dead. They deserve to be since those two did more to corrupt our political system than anyone else. It's nice to know that even terrible, terrible people can die young. I only wish Breitbart had suffered the way Atwater did.

    1. Geminisunmars

      There is nothing wrong with being dead; Everyone does it. However there was definitely something terribly wrong with Breitwater and Atbart.

  27. SayItWithWookies

    This afternoon Sean Assity and his guest Ann Coulter were all over that the left-wing media had to dredge up "some little prank" that Mitt pulled when he was in high school to find some dirt on them — and Assity actually said that people should get a pass until about age 30 on their behavior. I'm betting he's all over this moral equivalent of ratting out Anne Frank tomorrow.

    1. Dr. Nick Riviera

      Wow, that's the exact age Mitt was when he strapped his dog to the roof of his car! What a coincidence!

    2. Chichikovovich

      Then I guess Romney still has plenty of explaining to do, since he was 31 when he stopped being a high-ranking advocate for the doctrine that blacks are marked by God as inferior and that interracial marriage is a sin. (And, of course, he didn't stop because he decided this was morally repugnant – which it is – but rather because the party line about God's will conveniently changed.)

      (Significantly older than Robert Byrd was when he was a member of the Klan – an issue the wingnuts can never stop talking about. And of course Byrd expressed genuine remorse for his actions many times. Romney still thinks that what he preached is perfectly OK, to judge by his silence on the issue.)

        1. Chichikovovich

          True, they are. But my understanding is that they are no longer officially deemed sinful. Just a bad idea. (Because marriage is a challenge in any event, don't ya know, and adding cultural differences, well, that's just a lot for a young couple to bear when they could stick to their own kind instead and have an easier time of it,…. Just practical advice, doncha know.)—

          1. glamourdammerung

            Technically, I think it is still an offense that "merits" the whole "spilling of blood" creepiness. Though I am sure that they are totally not doing that these days unless they are fairly sure of not getting caught of course.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        But you see — yet again, Mitt's stance on the issue of interracial marriage hasn't changed at all — he believes whatever the church tells him, whether or not that changes from day to day. In fact, it could probably be argued that the Mormon church has been taking Mitt's advice on the subject all along.

    3. Guppy

      Assity actually said that people should get a pass until about age 30 on their behavior.

      And yet you only need to be 25 to serve in Congress, and usually less than that in state government.

      This explains a lot about GOP politics.

    4. Wile E. Quixote

      and Assity actually said that people should get a pass until about age 30 on their behavior.

      I kind of agree with Hannity, in that I think it ought to be legal to abort conservatives until the 120th trimester.

  28. Mittens Howell, III

    pfffffffttttt Gawker. Name one good thing that ever came out of Gawker.

  29. Sharkey

    Well they should try to locate "Coretta" and get her on NPR tomorrow morning. That will be very nice. "I don't remember him or the incident but I was definitely attending that school as the only black girl at that time." So let's check the weather and traffic…

    Or… Maybe… She grew up to be Coretta Scott King. And now you know… the Rest of the Story.

    No, that's not going to happen either. I'll just go back to eating smaller fish and shit.

  30. poorgradstudent

    Okay, after reading up on the story I came to two conclusions: Romney has an extremely fucked up notion of hijinks and pranks; and while what he did was beyond fucked up I'm just not comfortable suggesting that something he did as a teenager short of serial murder has implications for his adulthood self, even if you tie it in to his bizarre ideas about the proper way for transporting the family dog.

    Now reading this "defense" and its use of the logically sound "But your guy did it tooooooooo!" argument I kind of want to change my mind out of spite. Good job with the discourse, Big Journalism!

    1. BerkeleyBear

      The doing is certainly not disqualifying. But claiming you can't recall targeting other kids (when 5 other people do) but then insisting homophobia definitely had nothing to do with it (other misogynist anecdotes notwithstanding, thinking it is "cute" that you threw rocks at your future wife when you first met her, thinking that the dog torture tale is a lighthearted example of your dedication, thinking as a 50 something governor that convincing a member of your state trooper detail a maid was fired for the state trooper's "antic" of short-sheeting your bed is a "hilarious" response – after a while, a pattern emerges.

      1. tessiee

        "thinking it is "cute" that you threw rocks at your future wife when you first met her"

        I don't think I'd call this cute, but it would be excusable up to the age of… oh, five or six.

        1. Fare la Volpe

          He didn't just throw them at Ann – he threw them at Ann while she was on horseback. If one of those rocks had hit the horse, Ann sure as hell wouldn't be the Mrs. Romney standing next to Mittens at all his speeches.

          Because she'd be dead.

      2. Left_Leftie

        I've heard that Romney is hated by his peers, and wondered why. I know longer wonder. He is that rich privileged asshole who takes credit for everyone else's hard work. He's that dick-head who always parks in the handicapped spots but never gets a ticket because the cops know his Dad. He's that fuck-wad do-nothing boss that only got the job because the CEO is his frat brother. Plus he thinks he EARNED all of this and he is somehow OWED the Presidency! Talk about entitlements.

        1. tessiee

          "Plus he thinks he EARNED all of this and he is somehow OWED the Presidency!"

          Born on third base and thinks he hit a triple, just like Duhbya. Guys like that have had everything they wanted handed to them their whole lives, so they think they should have the Presidency handed to them, too.

      3. poorgradstudent

        Hmm, I didn't hear about him insisting he wasn't being homophobic.

        Dammit, the one time I have a non-partisan impulse they have to make it hard for me.

    2. Negropolis

      Sorry, Romney was fucking 18-years-old. And while folks can be immature their entire lives, it's not even like he was a young teen. This guy was technically an adult.

      You could only offer this kind of defense for him were it not for the fact that it simply confirms everything he's ever projected. Nobody is surprised to hear this story. It's not a bug, it's a feature. Mitt is mean, and no amount of inhuman smiling and chuckling and parsing by him will ever change that.

      1. poorgradstudent

        Fair enough, but I think even from just a purely strategic perspective it's better to focus on stuff he did later in life (especially since, as others have pointed out, there's plenty of crap to go around).

        1. Negropolis

          You know, we can walk and chew gum at the same time. The WaPo brought this up, the country has a two or three day debate as is custom for our ADHD attention span, and then we move on to the next thing.

  31. RavenRant

    It's so courageous to take a stand years after your political career is over.

    Fucking Cheney participated in two of the most virulently gay-bashing campaigns in history, knowing all the while that his daughter was gay. He's a real 'profile in courage' all right.

    President Obama has far surpassed any previous president on gay rights, and his stated support for gay marriage is a monumental step forward. Gawker is cordially invited to eat a bag of lightly salted, poison rat dicks.

  32. iburl

    Dear Mitt:
    << 1 Corinthians 13:11 >>
    "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

    Oops, sorry, wrong bible. This one is set in the Middle East instead of Utah.

    1. Chichikovovich

      For now, I see through a glass douchebagly, but then,.. OK, it was the same then too.

  33. Guppy

    The incidents aren't even in the same ballpark. Worse yet, this kind of false equivalence is what's used to justify bullying to begin with ("He did it too!"). The GOP was better off with "boys will be boys."

    To wrap it up, Obama is clearly guilt-ridden about the event, or else he wouldn't remember it with such clarity.

  34. Fluffy_Kitties

    It all boils down to a few core principals:

    * Republicans are the bullies who tormented you in High School.

    * Democrats are the school administrators who refused to discipline the bullies.

    * Gays are the drama students the administrators were always busting for smoking on school grounds.

  35. chascates

    From theconservativereview.com:
    There may never be direct evidence of any direct ties between The Washington Post and the Obama campaign. It strains credulity, however, for anyone to claim that today’s Post story painting presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney as a gay bashing bully the day after President Obama announced his support for gay marriage is any sort of coincidence.

    Of course, it's all a giant left-wing conspiracy!

    1. RavenRant

      Especially since the WaPo is so lefty. Have they seen the editorial page?

      They're all about the 'vetting' until their candidate is under the lens.

    2. Fare la Volpe

      Right, because when the WaPo started research for this story weeks ago, they knew full well that the sitting President of the United States of America was going to come out in favor of gay fucking marriage.

      For fuck's sake, what planet do these people live on?

      1. MilwaukeeKent

        Exactly, this administration is good (at everything but getting credit for their accomplishments), 11th dimensional chess, etc. but no one is that good. Tuesday North Carolina votes down gay rights, Wednesday the POTUS takes a stand on gay marriage, and by Thursday WAPO has assembled an in-depth story based on interviews with old classmates that paints Romney as a gay-bashing bully. Not bad for 48 hours work. Makes you wonder what they had planned if the amendment had passed in North Carolina under a reverse Bradley Effect but my money's on gay-marrying dead Mormons…now we'll never know.

    3. pdiddycornchips

      What conservatives are really thinking:

      "Swiftboating is a strictly wingnut endeavor. You Dems go away, this is our turf"

  36. Dashboard Buddha

    Seriously…these fuckers are bringing up stuff from when Barry was in elementary school?

    They really are desperate, aren't they?

    1. Left_Leftie

      It's not even digging! These stories are from Obama's autobiographies! The same as the "delicious" dog eating story. Since he read both books for the audio versions (for which he won a Grammy) I'm sure we'll be hearing the Prez's sweet baritone "incriminating" himself soon.

    2. thatsitfortheother1

      Considering the time they have wasted bringing up stuff from the day he was born, this is a huge improvement.

  37. littlebigdaddy

    This is nothing. I heard that he killed Christian children and collected their blood for satanic rituals. And poisoned wells.

    1. pdiddycornchips

      I hear Barry once stepped on a kitten's tail. Hannity has an interview with the now full grown cat in the works.

      1. tessiee

        Nelson: HAH ha! Your mom is a jailbird!
        Bart: So is yours.
        Nelson: Oh, yeah… Let's play.

  38. Dashboard Buddha

    Oh sure…Barry might have been mean to a girl 30 years ago. However, has Glen Beck yet denied he raped and killed that girl in the 80s?

    1. Fare la Volpe

      The rumor, which is unsubstantiated, is that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990.

      Get your completely false Glenn Beck rape and murder dates right.

      1. Barb

        Are you on Twitter? You don't follow me? My GOD, I posted a brilliant tweet like, 2 months ago.

        1. Chichikovovich

          Damn – I'm sorry I missed it. I'm sure I'd still be chuckling 2 months later.

          I'm not on Twitter, and only nominally on Facebook – I'm kind of a workaholic. Wonkette is my one regular Internet diversion to avoid a case of fried brains, and I already spend a lot of time here. If I did the other stuff too, I'd never get enough work done to relax at bedtime. Then I'd shame-spiral downward into a life of dissolution, crime and Mormonism.

          But now that I think of it, I don't have to actually participate to check your twitter feed every few days. I hate to miss out on quality wit. Which is not easy to find.

          1. Barb

            I can't be on Facebook. I tried it for almost 5 hours and I was horrified by the things that I read. I can't deal with racists.

            Speaking of racists, my sister sent me a text message today, asking for the money to buy the house next to hers. It is in foreclosure and she is afraid that negros will buy it.

            I texted her back and told her that she's have to sign a loan agreement and she balked, as I hoped that she would. Now she isn't speaking to me, lol.

            I have two daughters, both pregnant and due on the same day. Christine's baby has serious health issues and the doctors in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit have weekly meetings about how to save baby Mina's life, keep Christine alive during the delivery and how to repair Mina's heart after she comes into this world. Insurance is not going to cover all of this care. I will help to cover the costs as my little "thank you" for the doctors keeping Christine and Mina safe. My sister would just blow off those bills. I'm stunned that my sister thinks that avoiding negros trumps anything in my life. I happen to know that one of the doctors is *gasp* a NEGRO!

          2. Barb

            Thanks Tessiee, you are sweet. This is the worst time in my life. Victoria is having a baby boy and Christine is having a girl. Do I go nuts for Vic, with the first son in the family for 2 generations and break Christine's heart? Do I buy baby stuff for Christine that will be a painful reminder if she can't use it.

            I went to Kohl's on Monday and went apeshit and bought everything in the baby department and Fed Exed it to both girls. Jeff went to Amazon and got cases of diapers for both girls for Mother's Day. I've been knitting my fingers raw and I am just going to ship it all and pray for the best.

            June 19th is going to be one hell of a day. I can't wait to meet Mitchell Anderson and Mina Evangalista! (Mean-ah)

          3. RavenRant

            So sorry for what your family is going through. The stress must be overwhelming. Wish you and all of yours the best through this.

          4. Fukui-sanYesRadio

            Damn, Barb. My thoughts with you and your daughters.

            Hang in there and I'm hoping for the best.

          5. Chichikovovich

            Best wishes through all of this. My first child was born prematurely, and though it was a difficult time, the competence and dedication of the physicians in the NICU was a great comfort.

            (Chichikovna was just completing her last term of medical school at the time – and she gave birth in a teaching hospital associated with her Med school. So her friends who were doing Ob-Gyn rotations or residencies would drop in and as a group argue about what the proper course of treatment should be. I found it kind of freaked me out, but Chichikovna found it helped her cope.)

          6. James Michael Curley

            We'll say a prayer for your daughters and their future healthy blessings. Ms. Curley is an ex-nun and has special connections.

          7. HistoriCat

            Like Chich said, those NICU teams are amazing. I know your role as grandmother is to wear yourself out to help the moms … but make sure you don't go over a cliff! If there is anything – ANYTHING – we can do for you, let us know.

            Oh yeah – snark. So do babies in NICU fall into the "sacred life" category or the "if you don't have insurance, no care for you" category?

          8. HistoriCat

            Now that's a belly!

            True story – one of my wife's friends was hospitalized 3 and a half months before her due date when the placenta started to disintegrate. They got the baby out and put her in the NICU – teeny-tiny thing. She survived and is a handful now but she was in the hospital for over six months.

            That long stay meant she blew through the insurance lifetime max of $2 million. Oh but wait – lifetime limits are gone under Obamacare!

            ETA – depending upon what kind of insurance your daughter has, the financial damage may not be as bad as it could be … but those pre-insurance-adjusted bills can really be heart-stopping.

          9. George Spelvin

            Barb, I don't really believe in God, but I will pray for your daughter and granddaughter-to-be, just in case it might do some good. My very best wishes for a happy outcome on all fronts.

        2. Guppy

          True stalkers know how to follow someone's Twitter feed without being a Twitter user, let alone "following" someone.

          Use your favorite web search to look for "twitter rss user id"

          1. Fukui-sanYesBardio

            Sorry, had to delete. Thought about it and realized this is a small field and that might jeopardize my income if anyone twigged it was me.

          2. Fukui-sanYesBardio

            The takeaway is to be aware of logging in to sites using your twitter or facebook account, not that you do by the sound of it.

            You will get individually psychographically profiled which is, to me, kinda scary.

            Really, I'm like the meth cooker who will never touch his own stuff.

          3. Barb

            I hear you and I appreciate and value everything that you say. Thank you, for your sage advice.

          4. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

            Thanks Barb. Again, I'm thinking of you and your daughters.

            Normal snark will resume tomorrow!

    1. Steverino247

      Oh, yeah? Well, I saw those tits in person in Los Angeles, so there. Now you have cooties. (Or is it Collies for dinner? I'm confused).

  39. glamourdammerung

    The important things to remember from this "story" are that Andrew Breitbart is currently making maggots sick and that Sherrod's lawsuit against Big Failure is proceeding.

  40. Chichikovovich

    Um, has anybody actually checked the story as presented in Dreams…. Ripping things out of context and twisting them is the bread and butter of those hatchet men. Like, is the point of the story that elementary school Barack felt guilt stricken and apologized the next day. And then they ate ice cream. Or he told his grandmother and she gave him some grandmotherly chastening about not being a meanie and he felt guilt stricken and apologized. And then he and Coretta ate ice cream. Or Coretta kicked his ass and then he apologized and they became best pals and ate ice cream….

    If we've learned anything about these weasels, its: always check the original.
    (I'd do it myself, but our copy is on a bookshelf that I couldn't reach without waking Chichikovna.)

    1. Boojum

      He goes on the express his remorse, and says:

      "For the rest of the afternoon, I was haunted by the look on Coretta's face just before she started to run: Her disappointment and the accusation. ..I knew only that it was too late for explanations, that somehow I'd been tested and found wanting;…from that day forward, a part of me felt trampled on, crushed, and I took refuge in the life that my grandparents led."

  41. mrblifil

    And that girl grew up to be Coretta Scott King. Wait, what? Oh for god's sake I can't read every goddamn thread you losers…

  42. tessiee

    Jeez!
    "but he did it first, whine, wah wah wah" stopped working for me before I was three years old. Don't any of these people have parents, that they've never heard, "Oh, and I suppose if he jumped off a bridge, etc." and/or, "two wrongs don't make a right"?

    1. Stevola

      "If your friends wanted to jump off a bridge…" stopped working when bungee jumping became a fad

  43. pinkocommi

    I have been waiting for all the stories to come out about W being a bully. Because if ever there were a guy who would duct tape another guy's ass cheeks together it would be that asshole.

  44. Negropolis

    Man, they really got the president, didn't they? I mean, all he did was recount it in his best-selling book for the entire world to read.

  45. MilwaukeeKent

    Both sides leap to defend in theirs what they find horrendous in the other candidate, that's usual. What strikes me here is, aside from the age difference, as jesus v gojira said, this left a mark on Obama. Mitt not only didn't take a lesson from it, he doesn't even recall the incident. Kind of a dramatic incident in fact, chase someone down and chop off chunks of hair –you were 15, you don't remember that? And you really never drink…how can you NOT remember something like that?
    Anyway, you Nerds have fun — Is that applesauce on your chin? Hey Joey, is that the same shirt you wore yesterday? Heh, heh — I'm going to eat at the cool table. Ta ta!

      1. Fukui-sanYesBardio

        I'm pretty sure Lionel[redacted]Esq is actually Robert Pattinson. True story.

      2. MilwaukeeKent

        I did, really! Once! Okay, I walked by and that really pretty girl I gave the answers to, in chemistry? I think she said "hi" but she looked away really quick so I'm not sure. That counts.

  46. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    So this JPMorgan Chase thing.

    Fucking around with derivatives again, those things that Buffett called "financial weapons of mass destruction", and lost $2Bn. Derivatives, deregulated in 2000 under Clinton, lots of it to do with that cunt Phil Gramm. Derivates, mostly responsible for the crash of 2008.

    Now, you may ask "are derivatives regulated now?"… and the answer is no. Due to huge pressure from people like JPMorgan Chase.

    When this economy upticks again, and it fucking will, there'll be no political will to regulate these shitball instruments, so it won't happen. Everything will be lovely. 401ks will be up, house prices up, employment up, everything fine.

    Then, and this is a prognostication, it'll crash even harder than 2008.

    Fuck you, Republicans. Fuck you and your stupid, greedy, bullshit. It'll take another cycle, a deeper cycle, of human misery to re-do all of your dismantling of the new deal. Fuck you.

    If you had any cunting sense in your heads you'd take the higher 250K+ tax rates, the estate tax and a decent capital gains tax rate because you'll still rake in stacks of money. But, of course, nooooo, you motherfuckers want it all. And it'll fuck everyone who isn't in the upper echelon, properly fuck them hard.

    I really don't like the current Republican ideology very much.

    1. thatsitfortheother1

      I really don't like the current Republican ideology very much.

      Yet it hardly shows…

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        I'm passionate about it because I actually care about other people, unlike some mormon fuckbagels I could mention.

    2. Chichikovovich

      Then, and this is a prognostication, it'll crash even harder than 2008.

      Then – and this is another prognostication, after all the smoke has cleared from the chaos following the even worse crash, it will turn out that the people who brought about the crash ended up making baskets of money anyway. Some of it funneled directly from taxpayers, some of it as fees for the banking involved in winding down and breaking up bankrupted companies (whose top execs have already golden parachuted out and are already working at a new job in offices with platinum-plated toilets) some of it from shorting the very stocks that they were energetically pushing on their clients…

      1. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

        Oh, that's already happened. Borrow from the Fed Discount Window at .75% or whatever and stick it straight back in to government bonds at 2%. Free money.

        Funded by us.

        Although it'll get a lot worse unless we regulate these bastards.

  47. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    OK, I'm going again.

    There'll be another boom, hell yeah. Massive. Your house will go up in price like you wouldn't believe, stocks will soar (actually, they're doing pretty well right now), employment will be excellent and the talking fucks on the TV will be all "hurrah! everything is great!"

    It won't reflect in your paycheck, of course. You might get a nice little bonus here or there, but the idea is that you get caught up in the whole "America is doing really well!" thing.

    See 2002/3 – 2007. DOW did well. Houses went up in price in a *huge* way.

    The house prices went up because of Federal Reserve macroeconomic tinkering. The Fed rate dropped after 9/11 in a macro stimulus attempt. Then raised a bit. And a bit more, because the housing market was going crazy according to the case-shiller index.

    Then things start to go bad. Rate drops, and drops. and finally hits 0%. Zero. Nothing. There's no more macro fed tinkering to do. That's when you're really fucked.

    We all know why house prices crashed, and fed interest rate fudging couldn't do a fucking thing about it. The fed bumps down interest rates to stimulate consumer spending, because if you're getting a shit interest rate on your savings, might as well buy a house because they're appreciating hard! There's a big flaw there unless you do it properly.

    Want another boom/bust cycle like that but worse? Vote Romney. He'll cut some taxes and deregulate some shit and the market will go fucking Speed Racer, no shit. Although more like Meth Racer, because when the crash kicks in you're going to want to kill everyone you love rather than have to deal with it.

    Anyway, vote Obama.

  48. Fukui-sanRadioBarb

    Haha, I talk too much sometimes.

    This is part of an article about gay marriage on the BBC, written by an opponent. Compares gay marriage to civil rights. Emphasis mine.

    That is only part of the story, though, and not the most important part.

    Yes, I went to school with black children. But despite this it was not as hard as you might think to maintain one's prejudices.

    Nothing in the local culture actively challenged racist beliefs. Churches avoided controversy by ignoring the issue.

    So, we Southern children of the 70s and beyond were catechised on the wrongness of racism primarily by television and media culture.

    It was impossible to watch TV back then and not notice that the conventional racial opinions held by local whites were treated as backward and immoral.

    They were, in fact, precisely that, but my point here has to do with media ecology.

    Mass media framed the debate over race in America in a way that stigmatised white racism, and made old-fashioned views obsolete and even embarrassing. The rigid old way of thinking, happily, did not survive a single generation.

    In my town we have not achieved a Valhalla of tolerance, but social progress on the race question has been breathtaking.

    Whatever views people may hold privately, only the most truculent racists – the sort one rarely sees in public life these days – would favour laws and policies that were commonplace here as late as the mid-60s.

    Racism is seen as trashy – as vulgar – even here in a former segregationist stronghold.

    I think you've missed the point, my friend.

  49. Serolf_Divad

    I'm surprised that Big Journalism leaves off the best part of the story: you know where, later that day Obama rounded up five of his classmates, then they tracked down the girl, threw her to the ground and cut her hair while she screamed for them to stop… what, you say? That part didn't actually happen? Nevermind

    Anyway, I'm sure the Ghost of Andrew Bretibart is smiling at how his drones have managed to make his right-wing websites even douchebaggier than when he was alive.

  50. glamourdammerung

    So, according to these cretins, everything President Obama says is a lie, down to his name and where he was born. Yet they are quote-mining his autobiography for ammo now?

    At least no one ever accused Republicans of logical and/or moral consistency.

  51. JustPixelz

    "…playground [with] jungle gym and swings…."

    Cranbook's playground was the hedge fund trading room at Lehman Brothers. Shoving was encouraged, but no running!

    1. James Michael Curley

      Cranbook also had a course teaching the Future Lawyers of America how to stake out the local playground jungle gym to deftly hand out business cards when the bodies hit the sands.

    2. Negropolis

      And, let me tell you, as someone from Michigan, we know that Cranbrook has many a quiet room.

  52. Terry

    I read the WashPost article about Romney's years at Cranbrook, including the forced hair cut. I think the thing that bothers me most about the hair cutting is that Romney says he doesn't remember it. He has to be lying. Honestly, think back to high school. If you led a group of classmates to hold down a "different" kid and then hacked his hair off, you'd remember that. If Romney ISN'T lying, then that event was so everyday for him that it didn't stand out from all the other stuff he did. That's what disturbs me most.

    1. Negropolis

      Yep. This is what it comes down to. Either he's lying and a coward or he's a sociopath. There is no good scenario, here.

      Thistellsus what we already know about him. When left to his own devices, he's really just an intolerant guy with a very narrow worldview. If he was angry at someone for something as silly as an "unconventional" haircut, what other kind of beliefs does he hold for people that are really different?

  53. elburritodeluxe

    The media has completely distorted the narrative for quick hits here: The real story for Obama was about the way we perceive race and how we try to fit in. For Romney it was about how a rich, popular kid beat up someone different.

  54. pdiddycornchips

    Oh sure, it starts will a little shove but that behavior was indicative of things to come. If this man is re-elected, can there be any doubt by the middle of next year he'll be forcing all the old tea party witches to drive their hoverounds off the nearest cliff?

  55. BZ1

    What's most telling is that the yellow rag.com cut off the following passage where the 10-yr old felt bad.

  56. ibwilliamsi

    He even outed himself on his boyhood bullying. He actually remembers it and everything. He can't get anything right, can he? (snark)

  57. Snertly

    Speaking of the world's dumbest rebuttal: "Any bad thing my side did can be excused by some bad thing your side did."

    Have they never heard that two wrongs don't make a right?

  58. Fukui-sanYesRadio

    This is why we can't have nice …. wait, we can have nice things?

    FORZA WONKETE!

  59. Steverino247

    I saw those in the flesh just a few hours ago. Even got a kiss on the cheek on the way out. Very sweet.

    Kirsten was very nice, too. Our moms even live in the same godforsaken (i.e. Riverside County) part of California, too.

Comments are closed.