quitters

Quitter Bachmann Withdraws Swiss Citizenship (To Work Undercover)

Sure, let's go with the clown oneWe’ve seen this ruse before, Bachmann. You think no one would suspect it, then you get caught, and now you’re all, “Oh, I’m done being Swiss.” She only loves “America” now. We’re not buying it, SPY. This continues to all be the Left’s fault.

Here’s her letter, which essentially says, “I FUCKING LOVE THE UNITED STATES, HAMBURGERS, PIE, AND WAR.” The Greatest. Nation. The World. Has. Ever. Known. Ever. Best. Winners. God. America:

“Today I sent a letter to the Swiss Consulate requesting withdrawal of my dual Swiss citizenship, which was conferred upon me by operation of Swiss law when I married my husband in 1978.”

“I took this action because I want to make it perfectly clear: I was born in America and I am a proud American citizen. I am, and always have been, 100 percent committed to our United States Constitution and the United States of America. As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran, I am proud of my allegiance to the greatest nation the world has ever known.”

This is so stupid funny. Can you imagine caring about this? We knew they’d freak but wow, just check out this one column in the DC Examiner: “Michele Bachmann must immediately step down.” They hate her now. Thanks a lot, moral relativist post-national Left.

[Minnesota Public Radio]

About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell
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194 comments

    1. MaxNeanderthal

      Yo-de-lay-hi-dee……………
      No "Blowing the (Alpen)horn" jokes, please…

  1. Douché

    Fuck that, no take backs. Go eat some cheese or something!!! But become a Swisser, or whatever and stay the fuck over there.

    1. Negropolis

      More like a Swiss National Day of Morning to celebrate this momentuous occassion of her keeping her grimey ass over here. lol

    1. actor212

      I'm on the fence about being a relativist. I mean, for others it might make sense but I'm not sure it makes sense for me.

        1. actor212

          I thank you for your consideration and flexibility, if indeed that's what you were exercising. Far be it from me to judge.

          1. HistoriCat

            The cat's in the box. He might be dead. On the other hand, he might just be pissed off about being stuck in that box.

          2. rickmaci

            Of course, that may also depend on whether "moral uncertainty" is the same as "bat shit crazy out of her f* ing mind."

      1. SorosBot

        Yeah, my perception of morality varies dependent on my velocity relative to the moral event I'm perceiving and the gravity of the situation too.

    2. Lionel[redacted]Esq

      I'm waiting for Bristol Palin to blog about it before I know what to think.

    1. timbo71351

      I think he would be more likely to make a massive withdrawal from a Swiss sperm bank, than to put anything in the bank…….

    2. vtxmcrider

      Marcus was turned down at the sperm bank when they determined that he actually ejaculates pure estrogen.

  2. SorosBot

    "As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran"

    Then why didn't Michele enter the military herself? Does she hate America?

        1. freddymcmurray

          What's long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine. Rimshot. I'll be here all weekend.

    1. Fare la Volpe

      Didn't you see The Men Who Stare at Goats? She was the goat.

      …It explains a lot, actually.

    2. Lascauxcaveman

      I just assumed it was the fault of Don't Ask Don't Tell. She's openly married to a homo and all.

  3. BaldarTFlagass

    She withdrew when she found out that just being a Swiss citizen does not mean you are automatically conferred with a private Swiss bank account with a bajillion Swiss Francs in it.

    1. sewollef

      It does mean as a Swiss citizen, you are obliged to serve in the Swiss military. As this states:

      "Having another citizenship does not, in general, influence Swiss military requirements. Swiss who can show they have dual citizenship and have fulfilled military service requirements, civil service or other related duties in that country are excused from Swiss military obligations according to accords signed with those states. Agreements exist with, among others, Germany, France, and the US.

      For more information on military obligations for Swiss abroad and dual citizens, please contact army commanders, personnel division: Führungsstab der Armee, Personelles der Armee (FGG 1), Sektion Wehrpflicht/ Mutationen, 3003 Bern."

      Women can sidestep that requirement though… shame really.

    2. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Maybe she found out that Swiss citizens are required to buy health insurance, by government mandate. (You can see how it's wrecked their economy.)

  4. ManchuCandidate

    There's a sad sort of whinging from the Congressional Halls
    And the bells in the steeple too
    And in the US America an absurd little turd
    Is popping out to say "Cuckoo"
    Cuckoo, cuckoo

    So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, crazy eyes
    You can't come and must stay where you are.

    1. Troglodeity

      (Argh, I didn't notice your contribution until I'd posted my far inferior version.)

  5. James Michael Curley

    To lose her Swiss citizens ship she has to serve ten years in the Kenyan Army.

  6. chascates

    Swiss taint lasts forever, Shelly. BTW, they have a citizen army and most men have a fully-auto rifle at home. You would have loved it there.

    1. actor212

      Not only that, but they get that rifle during their forced enscription in the Swiss Army.

      That's right: military service is required of all adult Swiss citizens.

    2. Guppy

      Having an automatic weapon: yay!
      Having to use that weapon in defense of the state: boo!

    3. Lascauxcaveman

      Didn't they recently put a ban on building mosques, too?

      She was born for this place!

    4. YasserArraFeck

      That rifle's no good if you can't carry it with you everywhere – to church, Starbucks, the swimming pool, because Stand Your Ground. Having an assault rifle in your closet is Euro faggy.

  7. Poindexter718

    Too late, traitor.

    PS: Her conception sounds like the biggest goddamn joint services operation since D-Day.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    “Today I sent a letter to the Swiss Consulate requesting withdrawal of my dual Swiss citizenship, which was conferred upon me by operation of Swiss law when I married my husband in 1978.”

    Oh, so it was imposed on you without your knowledge or consent? Then what's up with the previous sentence that says "Two days after a Swiss TV news crew broke the story that Bachmann sought in February to have her Swiss citizenship registered by Swiss authorities…?"

    And of course she's one of the shrill voices on the right repeating the meme that President Obama blames everyone else for his problems, while she's the one actually doing that.

    1. actor212

      As a dual citizen myself, allow me:

      You can have dual citizenship but never know it. She got hers by marry Marcia…I mean, Marcus. The Swiss government never officially recognized it, but by law, she had it.

      So when she realized she was eligible, it really is just a matter of filling in a form, which acknowledges that she now recognizes she has the citizenship she's had since she married Marsha….MARCUS.

      In other words, she's weaseling, because it takes an affirmative act, not a passive one, to do that.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        Yesterday she was a proud citizen of Switzerland who had applied to have that made official, and today she's correcting something that was an automatic and bureaucratic change of status from way back — I'm sure the Swiss are thrilled with her high-handed "I'm an American all the way" rhetoric too.

  9. Preferred Customer

    You know who ELSE is a dual Swiss/US citizen?

    Bob Lutz, that's who. Can we talk about him instead? Because he's a lot cooler than Michele Bachmann.

    Wait, I feel like I did this wrong, somehow.

    1. Jukesgrrl

      Hey Suds, OT, but great work in Wisconsin! I'm on the tightest budget of my life, but I'm sure I can find something to do without this month. Tom Barrett needs the money more than I do. Continued success to you and all the Wisconsin Wonkets.

      1. SudsMcKenzie

        Thank you, I work in a building with 993 govt. employees and we are all on pins a needles. It's gonna be close, I am personally going to drag my "never voted ever" brother to the polls. Again, thanks!

  10. DaRooster

    "…which was conferred upon me by operation of Swiss law when I married my husband in 1978.”
    Because the Swiss protect the rights of The Gays my husband.

  11. BaldarTFlagass

    "As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran"

    As a person of Swiss ancestry, who served in the Navy, does that make me a Swiss Navy veteran?

    1. johnnyzhivago

      Absolutely. In fact, since Switzerland has no navy, it actually makes you an Admiral in the Swiss Navy, a commodore – and the Minister of Defense: Oceans.

      So get to work, my friend, and start protecting the world's oceans for Swiss commerce. Those candies and cheeses don't deliver themselves.

        1. Biel_ze_Bubba

          Maybe they can advise Wyoming on the proper use and care of fresh-water aircraft carriers.

      1. Dudleydidwrong

        That's what Marcus uses in place of K-Y. He's loyal to his homeland to the end.

    2. Terry

      Yes, you can proudly patrol Lake Geneva and protect Switzerland from a French invasion.

  12. Goonemeritus

    A nation breaths a collective sigh of relief—- yes that nation is Switzerland.

  13. Tundra Grifter

    She flips faster than (r)Money – or faster than Ole Newt dropping his first wife.

  14. elburritodeluxe

    Pull down the fucking lederhosen and take your fucking cheese; your fucking folding knives; your fucking watches; your fucking liberal banking laws; your fucking well-run, clean cities and most of all your fucking health care system and shove them up your Swiss asses!

  15. JustPixelz

    She's got a lot of chootzpah to talk about her patriotism when her husband is Swish.

  16. Eve8Apples

    I'm calling bullshit. She didn't withdraw. Switzerland threatened to kick her crazy ass out if she didn't leave voluntarily.

  17. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    Wait, even if she renounces her Swiss citizenship, isn't she still an illegal alien? Shouldn't we demand that she be deported? Or at least produce a green card?

  18. bagofmice

    In the words of KMFDM:
    Goodbye, Sayonara, Auf nimmerwiedersehen. Over and out. And down the drain!

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Can't wait for hecklers to start singing this from the back row, wherever 1-L goes:

      ♫♪ So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night,
      I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
      So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu,
      Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu.

    1. anniegetyerfun

      You know who ELSE had an eye trained on Switzerland and other countries in Western Europe?

  19. Guppy

    Yes, how dare a sitting member of Congress hold citizenship in a democratic republic that takes personal (and canton!) rights and liberties seriously (rather than just when they're convenient) while maintaining a decidedly isolationist foreign policy!?

  20. DaRooster

    I would think God told her to become a Swissiten? Doesn't she get her orders directly from the top?

  21. Chichikovovich

    "As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran,"

    But her family was apparently rotten to the Corps.

  22. chascates

    From Examiner.com:
    Firmly opposed to gay marriage, she may not know that Switzerland recognizes same-sex partnerships. In a 2005 referendum, same-sex couples were granted the same rights as married couples in next of kin status, insurance, taxation, and shared possession of dwelling. In fact, it was the first nation to pass such a law by referendum," notes the Washington Post.
    Further, assisted suicide has been legal in Switzerland since the 1940s, and if Bachmann does decide to live in Switzerland, the fierce opponent of ObamaCare will discover that all Swiss citizens are required to purchase basic health insurance. That's called a government mandate.

    1. Chichikovovich

      On the other hand, the place has some attractive associations for Bachmann. For example, John Calvin had Michael Servetus burned alive on a pile of Servetus's own books there, for doubting the doctrines of the Trinity and infant baptism in print.

    1. not that Dewey

      They've taken "irrelevantly misquoting the constitution" to a whole 'nother level.

  23. Doktor StrangeZoom

    From the Wingnut Editorial:

    our Founding Fathers must have just done flip-flops in their graves.

    Yes. Because none of them were ever citizens of any other country.

    1. Biel_ze_Bubba

      Nice to know that MIttens has authoritative precedent from the Founding Fathers.

  24. BlueStateLibel

    "As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran"

    Oh yeah? I'm the daughter of a Navy Veteran, niece to Air Force and Army veterans, and my great-great–great grandfather fought in the Revolutionary War. Where's my gov'ment monies like you get, Michelle?

  25. rickmaci

    Please Wonkette, can you not use that photo, it's making me and many others all coulrophobic. We don't know whether some other picture of One L will produce a different result, but we would appreciate the attempt. thank you.

    1. vulpes82

      It's a shameful part of American history, one we should never forget, but it's just too much.

  26. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    Nope sorry, the USA has a no return policy. We don't care how defective the product was when she left our country, we are NOT taking her back.

  27. BigSkullF*ckingDog

    I never really got the whole scared of clowns thing before. But now I get it. I get it.

  28. OneYieldRegular

    Dear Representative Bachmann,

    We understand that you have requested withdrawal of the coveted honor of citizenship in our great country as conferred upon you in 1978. Please consider this official notice that your Swiss citizenship has been terminated effective immediately. At your earliest convenience, please return the chocolates and hotel bath towels.

    Sincerely,
    Switzerland

  29. cake_day

    From the DC Examiner article-

    "Less than the number of fingers on one hand seems to be approximately equal to the amount of members in our current Congress that care anything about upholding our US Constitution."

    I'm bring that sentence home for the kids to diagram tonight!

  30. Lionel[redacted]Esq

    I'm wondering if Trump will send out his investigators to find Bachmann's Swiss Birth Certificate.

  31. GOPCrusher

    Somebody must of explained to Michele that Real Americans don't look kindly to people from other countries.

  32. anniegetyerfun

    The Greatest. Nation. The World. Has. Ever. Known. Ever. Best. Winners. God. America.

    Troops, also.

  33. Tundra Grifter

    When it comes to citizenship, she tried hitting from both sides of the plate.

    When it came to marriage, Marcus…

  34. user-of-owls

    …the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran…

    The only conclusion we can draw from this is that Michelle Bachmann hates the Marines.

  35. Chet Kincaid

    A Miss or Mrs. Lori Stacey writes:

    Thank you [Dual Citizen Bachmann] for all your lies and phony paranoia regarding Ron Paul, a man you actually "greatly respected and admired" up until you entered the race. (see video) A man that is one of those rare members of Congress which can be counted on one hand that spent his entire career actually upholding our constitution. Thanks for smearing him so badly, gee thanks.

    The Libertard is strong in this one.
    http://www.examiner.com/article/michele-bachmann-

  36. Troglodeity

    There's a sad shrilly screeching
    From the Tea Party crowd
    As they learn that Michele's Swiss, too
    And up in her office
    That absurd Congressgirl
    Is popping out to say coo-coo
    (Coo-coo, coo-coo)

    So long, Michele,
    Auf Wiedersehen, goodbye …

  37. beowulf2100

    Perhaps this is appropriate. Her arguments are as full of holes as Swiss Cheese. I do want to know her position on the critical debate of Swiss Chocolate vs Belgian Chocolate.
    But isn't she one of the main folks always making fun of European socialist ideas, that old time stuff that opposes American Exceptionalism.

  38. tessiee

    So…
    Michele quit the US for Switzerland, and now she's quit quitting?
    Help me out, here, guys:
    Is this good news or bad news for She Who Must not Be Named?

  39. Negropolis

    Yes, but what kind of pie?

    BTW, this is hilarious. She didn't even actively seek Swiss citizenship, but she feels the need to tell them to fuck off because of her crazy-assed fans. She probably withdrew her citizenship because Swiss sounds too close to Swish.

  40. DahBoner

    Just give me my God, Gold and that family heirloom musket (which must be kept locked up in town). Not to mention Cuckoo Clocks & Cheese. You can keep your Change.– Teatard bumpersticker in Swisserland

  41. fctimes

    I never knew you could get Swiss citizenship for marrying a homosexual. No wonder so many conservatives are against gay marriage.

  42. joeytranchina

    Only a fool would give up a Swiss passport to pacify a few idiotic American voters.

    You can safely go anywhere in the world on a Swiss passport, not that MB is going anywhere, with here husband who is already passing.

    Is Marcus going to give up his US passport?

  43. gregpphoto

    Repeat: I'm so awesomely American that it only took me 34 years to rescind this."

Comments are closed.